A small unicorn filly stumbled through a dark alley. She hadn't been home in days. She was never going back.
She wondered why everyone else thought of "home" as a good, happy place. She had a good home. Good parents. A brother, a dog. She was a very lucky, very well-provided for filly. She was just... Never happy.
It's hard to be happy when you're alone. It's hard when you don't know how to make friends. She never truly understood what the big deal was, why friends were so important, so special. So, so very special. She had left several letters on her bed. She hoped they'd forgive her, for running away like this.
She emerged from between the buildings, entering the town square. A statue of an alicorn was rearing on her back legs, water coming from her horn. It gurgled into the base of the fountain, always bubbling happily. What right did it have to be happy? How did it deal with being so alone? You can only distract yourself for so long.
She jumped up the fountain, playing with the water, recalling the song.
Look at me, what have I become
What had she become? She felt like a husk of who she was, her drawings all dark where they used to be happy.
I am lost I once was, a gentlemare
She was so gentle, so kind. Why was she so hostile now? Why was she so sad? Where did she lose herself?
Then the thief came out, in my lonely town
It was a quiet, isolated place. Ponies noticed when things went missing.
So I must leave you now, but I'll remember, the ups and downs
There were so many ups and downs. So, so many. She left the fountain and meandered in the direction of the park.
Goodbye my friends, goodbye to the money
She didn't need them anymore. She passed several shops and houses, listening to the crickets chirp and the frogs croak in the night as Luna's stars shone brightly down on her, the moon guiding her way.
Adieu, to the buckers that, think that it's funny
They laughed at her. She always said with, but it was always at. Nopony took her seriously.
I just want to turn the lights on, in these volatile times
This was sang twice. She knew the feeling. After so long in the darkness, the light is so far away. There was no reaching it now.
Look at me, in the apocalypse
The apocalypse of what? She made it to the park, and wandered to a grove of trees.
My Equestrian guilt, expecting instant fix
Always run from the guilt. Only it got faster, only to catch its prey.
I imagine all the brutal services
She walked ever deeper into the grove, sitting in front of her favorite oak tree. Brutal services, indeed.
Of ancient infidels; Of all the wounded, and the crying witches
There were more than you'd think. The chorus repeated. She was comforted by this song. She didn't feel so... alone, when she sang it. Softly in the town, louder out here.
I drove through countries, like a marching funeral
Ha. Ha. Because of the hidden depression, right?
In search of fools, and utopias
She was the biggest fool, searching for utopias in her head when she knew none existed.
Along the lonely roads, with all the empty equine souls
So lonely. She supposed that everyone was empty inside, at some point in their lives. She was just... an empty shell...
Filling their heavy hearts; With slum religion, and Coca-Cola
Her heavy laden heart, being crushed by the demons within. Everyone had demons, as far as she knew.
Every book is read, I'm paralyzed
The demons came when she wasn't distracted. She ran out of books, and drawing gave her too much time to think.
Every muscle clenched, but I'm so tired
She was so tense... So tired. She just wanted to sleep forever, and never worry about anything, ever again.
She thought of her brother. He would cry for weeks when he found out she left. He annoyed her so much. She loved him dearly, constant chatter and all. She would miss him, but she assumed there was a way to see him. When he came to join her in the stars.
Her mother and father would cry as well. They wouldn't be able to around her brother as much, though. They would have to be strong for him.
The rest of her family... She would miss being with them. She would miss her friends, the only ones compatible with her weirdness.
But what would she miss, most of all?
The smell of the air after a rainstorm. The taste of brownies. The warm embrace of a comforting mother. Tears rolled down her face, surprising her. She didn't cry. She had literally trained her body not to cry in public, or in front of her family, to save her from embarrassing situations. So why was she crying now? Why did it feel so good?
Why did it hurt so much? The thinking... The thinking let the demons in. The demons were hurting her, yes, that was it. She knew the only way to kill the demons was for the host to die. She was okay with this, as long as her demons left her alone. It didn't matter anymore. They would find her, and she would be smiling in her escape, she was sure. Smiling at her freedom.
She was okay with this.
She used her silver magic to open her saddlebag, a slender, shiny object slowly and shakily climb out. She glanced at her reflection in the blade. The gray eye staring back at her was hollow and blank. Just like she was. Her coal-colored coat blended in so well with the darkness, her blue, almost black mane tangled and matted with lack of attention. She drew the knife to her leg, and cut it open, adding to the many healed cuts and scars left there before. She gasped as the icy blade stung her shivering form. It slipped, barely cutting her instead of the deep cut she had wanted. Focused now, she aimed the knife at her right foreleg, cutting it deeply, then cutting the other foreleg deeply as well, to add to the shallow cut.
She calmly lay down, content at last. She finished her song.
Goodbye, my friends! Goodbye, to, the money! Adieu, to the buckers that, think that it's funny! I just wanna turn the lights on, in these volatile, times! I just wanna turn the light on in these volatile, volatile times... She trailed off, falling into the darkness and letting the demons take her.
Oblivion is nice, she thought as she died.
Author's Note
MY. GOD. I cried while writing this, I truly did. This is how I think about my own life sometimes. I hurt now.
This song, called Volatile Times by IAMX, is the most amazing song in the history of ever. Go listen to it now. It helps if you're feeling sad, if sad music makes you feel less alone.
I feel so sad now. I think I'm gonna go to sleep.
