Wyverns and Waffle Irons

by Silent Earth

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Dark
Length: 1083

Twilight Sparkle makes delicious waffles for her friends, with a little help from Spike. It doesn't go well for Spike.

Twilight's pride was wounded deeply when her friends laughingly discredited her ability to operate a simple waffle iron, much less lead a covert task force in exterminating a troublesome dragon. Now, she has sworn to prove them all wrong, not simply by slaying a dragon, or by making incredible waffles, but by doing both -- at the same time. Alas, as it is far easier to procure ingredients for waffles than it is to find a dragon for slaying, her quest may be hopeless. Unless...

Preread by the efficacious and eminent TheSheepMaster.
Inspired by FiW

Published 2014-01-18 01:10:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-18 01:10:04 UTC

Wyverns and Waffle Irons

I still don't understand why you needed my help to make waffles, Twilight," the purple dragon said as he dipped a claw into the thick batter. "There's really nothing all that difficult about it." He sat upon a stack of large, dusty tomes, three high, one of many piled upon the table and next to it. Comprised mostly of an assortment of cookbooks, there was also a smattering of lexicons detailing the physiology of dragons and some of their lesser cousins and relations. Spike kicked his feet absentmindedly as he tasted the gooey concoction. "Mmm. See? Tastes fine to me, though it could do with a bit of cinnamon. And a pinch of nutmeg. I like nutmeg in my waffles. At least you remembered the vanilla this time, that's important."

"For the third time, I don't need your help making waffles," Twilight grumbled from behind a particularly immense volume entitled Wyverns: Sort of Dragons. "I also don't need your advice," she added, agitatedly crushing a sprig of cinnamon and stirring it furiously into the mix. "I know what I'm doing."

Spike glanced at the disorderly assortment towering about the room, smirking. "Right."

The unicorn glared out from behind the yellowed pages. "Can we get back to the task at hand? I'm trying to determine if it would be technically accurate to describe you as a wyvern in the title of my story. Now, we've already determined that you don't have wings." She tapped the book thoughtfully with a hoof. "Tell me: would you describe yourself as 'snake-like' or 'reptilian'?"

The dragon crossed his arms. "A wyvern, Twilight? Really? Do you have any idea how insulting that is?"

"Alliteration, Spike. It's important."

"More important than getting my taxonomy correct?" He hopped down from his perch to look at the book Twilight was perusing. "Right here, see?" he pointed with a claw. "It says wyverns typically have two legs, or none at all. I have four. More importantly, everyone knows that wyverns can't talk. Have you ever heard of a wyvern that could talk?"

"I've never heard of a bipedal dragon before, either."

Spike sniffed. "Maybe I'm the first. Why the fascination with waffles, anyway? If the title is that important, why not something like Dragons and Flagons? I bet more folks would be interested in reading about a fierce, fire-breathing dragon who went on a drunken rampage than one who sat around eating waffles."

"Because the waffles are already made, Spike," Twilight snapped. "That's not-"

"Heck, if the story is about you and me, why not Wizards and Lizards? Now, I don't exactly hold with being called a 'lizard', either, but at least the term is broader."

"Spike, I-"

"As for your previous question, come on, Twilight. First, snakes are reptiles by definition, and while I could be considered a reptile in the most rudimentary sense, I am most certainly not a snake."

"Spike."

"Second, while dragons do display numerous reptilian characteristics, they also possess some... let's say, 'scientifically ambiguous' traits that aren't present in some of the more mundane reptilian species, such as-"

Twilight slammed the book on the table. "Okay, okay, I get it. You're a dragon. Happy?" She stood poised over the bowl that held the batter, pouring over the recipe beside her and muttering softly to herself, triple-checking the ingredients. Dabbing at the paste with a delicate hoof, she tasted it, and turned once more to Spike. "Well, that should about do it. What do you think?"

The dragon sampled another drop. "Delicious. Though..."

"Yes?" Twilight asked anxiously.

"Nothing, it's great, but perhaps just a tad viscous. Maybe add another egg, or a bit of milk? You want it to be thick, but not too thick."

The young pony looked at him thoughtfully. "Yes... you're right, we wouldn't want that. Here, I'll even add some nutmeg." She magicked the items from the pantry over to the table and added them to the mix. Spike watched as she toiled, swiping a few tastes with his tail.

After a moment, Twilight stepped back to admire her work. "Almost done," she sighed gratefully. "Now, we just need to add the secret ingredient, and it will be all ready for cooking." She smiled at Spike.

The dragon's eyes lit up. "Secret ingredient? What's that?"

"I'll tell you, but you have to drink this first." The unicorn produced a tiny vial containing a clear liquid, uncorking it as she approached the young dragon.

"Twilight, no," Spike said, backing away. "The last one of your experiments you made me try made me sick for a month. I couldn't breathe fire, and I had boils. When have you ever heard of a dragon getting boils? No, no, don't get near me with that, I'm not taking another d-" His words were cut off as Twilight forced the solution down his throat as he sputtered and flailed about. Finally, he swallowed, coughing and choking and almost retching as he fought to keep the fluid down. "That was... ugh... disgusting! What the heck was that stuff?"

"Something to help with the pain, I hope," she said as she brought the book down hard against the back of his head.

***

"It was simply wonderful of you to invite us over for breakfast, Twilight," Rarity simpered as the ponies finished their meal.

Twilight beamed. "Oh, it was my pleasure, Rarity. Did everypony enjoy the waffles?"

Rainbow Dash was staring at her empty plate, apparently at a loss. "They were great, Twilight, but..." She looked up and shrugged. "I never thought I'd describe a waffle as... well-done."

"Yes, they certainly tasted... interesting," Fluttershy said softly. "Good, though."

"Ah, don't lissen to them, Twi," Applejack said through a particularly large mouthful. She took a moment to chew, swallowed, and continued. "These are some of the best doggone waffles I ever tasted."

Dash shook her head. "Don't get me wrong -- they were great, Twilight. Just different, is all."

"I never had you pegged for a chef, Twilight," Pinkie Pie said from across the table. The pink pony had eaten three times as much as any of the rest. "I thought you usually made Spike do all of your cooking for you."

"Speaking of Spike, I hope he won't be cross that we didn't save him any. We did eat quite a lot," Rarity admitted.

"Oh, I don't think he'll mind." Twilight put on her most innocent-looking smile. "After all, I couldn't have made these waffles without him."