Why Me? I Hate Being Trapped in Stone!

by StageQuill

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1326

Discord talks about what it's like to be trapped in stone and what he wants to do when he escapes.

Discord talks about what it's like to be trapped in stone and what he wants to do when he escapes. Really, being trapped in one position for over a thousand years is far too boring for a God of Chaos.

Why did those pesky pony princesses have to decide I was 'evil'? I'm just a harmlessly crazy creature of Chaos. Nothing to worry about. As long as you like chocolate and pie.

Published 2014-01-17 20:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-17 20:30:07 UTC

Pesky Pony Princesses

Being trapped in stone is not nearly as fun as it sounds.

Oh, it doesn't sound fun at all?
That's the point.

You hear about all the great heroes, and how they were trapped in stone when some monster cursed them and such, yet nopony says a thing about me. I was cursed. I was cursed by those pesky pony princesses. Unfairly, I might add. Who hasn't wished for it to rain chocolate milk? That's all I did. Well, and I turned those houses upside down. And that one time- Well, those ponies never actually said that they didn't like their backyards being turned into pie. I mean, I understand using the Elements of Harmony on some angry rampaging brute who was killing ponies, or even trying to take over a little Empire, like that Sombra fellow (who they never caught and is not a stone statue at this very boring time), but what did I do? I played a harmless prank. I just made it rain chocolate milk and turned all of the roads into strawberry ice cream and tried to destroy Celestia and Luna with evil vines. Delicious evil vines, I might add.

But no matter. I am unfairly a stone statue.

You know, over the years, one position can get quite uncomfortable. Quite. Those irritating equines couldn't have put me in a more comfortable- or flattering- position, could they? no. Of course not. They couldn't even bother to tell me to keep my eyes open. Or close my mouth. Bird poop is not something one wants on the tongue. I much prefer chocolate rain.

Then, adding insult to injury, they put me in a the garden and added dozens more statues all around, and used me to teach lessons to little colts and fillies.

"This is Discord, class." The teacher always says as she leads the class around on their field trip. "Or rather, a statue representing Discord."

I have been trapped in stone so long that I'm merely a legend. I don't know whether to be flattered or angry.

Oh, what the Tartarus, anger is much more interesting.

Yes, yes, but nothing is that interesting when you are trapped in stone. Well, the occasional bird fight used to be interesting, but after centuries of bird fight after bird fight after bird poo, that gets really dull. Besides, my eyes are closed. Hearing screaming birds is interesting, but not interesting enough to sustain Discord forever.

Oh, poo. I’m not even interested in angry little birdies. I could really use some chocolate milk right now. But nopony but those princesses even remembers that I exist anymore, and the princesses can’t be bothered by feeding chocolate milk to a statute, could they? Not even Luna. Tsk, tsk, what a dilemma. Not even the fellow legendary monster can be bothered to help out a chaotic chap like me. Of course, Luna spends most of her time moping over- What was that- Nightmare Night?

See, she even has a holiday. A traditional, candy-eating, costume-wearing holiday.

And she mopes about it.

What a petty pesky pony princess.

And don't even get me started on Sunny. She just sits in her pony palace, ruling over her perfect pony place, letting harmless gods of chaos go mad from boredom for ages. I mean, this is the mare that goes on and on about how friendship is magic! Seriously, ponies, there is no friendship lost between Celestia and a certain compilation of several different chaotic creatures. In fact, she has let Equestria all but forget him.

And he can't do a thing about it, because she and her sister turned him into a stone statue.

If I get out of this demented, claustrophobic prison before my delicious vines free me, I am going to go for the Elements first. With them gone, I can wreak absolute havoc on Equestria! Oh, chocolate rain, cotton candy clouds, lovely soapy roads, this time- Can you imagine it?

Who're you talking to?

Myself, of course. That is to say, you.

Ah. I can imagine it, Discord, old chap!

I thought so. As I am you. Now imagine a sky filled with cotton candy clouds, as far as the eye can see- Chocolate rain- Ponies running around- Imagine the Chaos!

Lovely!

And without those Elements, those pesky pony princesses are powerless pony princesses.

It was a normal day. A normal, dreadfully boring, regular, I-can't-move-because-I'm-trapped-in-STONE day. The sun was rather hot. There was another school group, looking at statues, as usual. I have never seen the appeal of looking at a whole bunch of stone things. Of course, I'm not complaining. School groups, though extremely irritating, at least provide some entertainment. The first hundred years or so after being put here, nopony would even come near me. I'm glad that's changed.

I heard the school group far before they came to look at me. It was the usual; Colts and fillies following a teacher (Usually a mare), groaning, asking for food, and arguing. I love their arguing. Foals do it best. Still, if I had the freedom they do, well, they would not be as mildly bored as they are now. They would be interested. Equestria would be more interesting with a Discord who was not in stone!

The school group came closer. The teacher said some things about me. Silly things, usually.

"Now, what do you notice about it?"

I am not an it. I am DISCORD!

"It has an eagle claw!" One filly's voice yelled.

"And a lion claw!" Another shouted.

"And a snake tail!" I heard a thump, as the last filly jumped in the air and fell down. Ah, the good old days when I could do that.

"This creature is called a draconeqqus." The teacher said. Me, a draconeqqus? I AM DISCORD! "What do you suppose it represents?"

What a terrible question. I am me. I do not 'represent' anything. These school groups are more amusing than I remembered. If I weren't stone, I would laugh.

"Confusion!" Well, maybe...

"Evil!" What? no! I-

"Chaos!"

And that filly takes the prize.

"Not chaos, you dodo!" Oh, you silly filly. Filly number one got me right!

"Don't call me a dodo! And it is too chaos!" Yes, yes, that filly is right! I love you, filly number one!

"Is not!" Oh, filly number two, you have it all wrong.

"You're both wrong!" Another strongly-accented filly shouted. Ooh, such a chaotic moment. I haven't had one in years. Outside of my own lovely and chaotic mind, that is.

The fillies started to shout. And fight. Oh, what joy! What joy! Oh, the chaos! As they fought, something inside of me- grew. My chest felt strange. The chaos! The chaos was feeding me! Ah, happy day! Cotton candy clouds!

"Actually, you're all right." The fillies stopped. No! Keep fighting! "This statue represents Discord, which is chaos and evil and confusion." What? Me, evil? I'm shocked. My name is Discord. I am the god of Chaos. Get it right, teacher lady. The teacher continued. "In fact, you three have displayed discord so well that you're each going to write me an essay explaining it." The fillies sighed. I can't argue there. They portrayed me excellently. Bravo, brava. Can I leave now?

I miss my Chaos.

At the thought, whatever had happened earlier happened again. My chest burned.

Then something happened that I never thought would. A crack in the stone spread up my body. Oh, chocolate rain, here I come! Oh, Equestria, things will get interesting!

I couldn't help but laugh.

Author's Note

This was one of those ideas you get in the middle of the night and have to write down. I don't know if it's good or not, but I wrote it in one sitting. Bear with me.

Comments? I love feedback! It's a writer's best friend! I love being told which parts of my story suck.