I really need to get out more.
This might be the only chapter.
Before we tell a story, we must set the stage.
T'was a Tuesday, as you can imagine, for all things crazy and insane happen mainly on Tuesdays. (P.S.- I am not in any way responsible for any trouble you get into based on those words.)
Luna was relaxing in her bed, inside her dark bedchamber, which had recently been fitted with multiple traps to keep out annoying diplomats. Tia had opposed it greatly, but Luna didn't see any problem. Severed limbs could be re-attached, after all.
She was using a piece of technology she had only recently aquired, after learning about its invention at the hands of Charles Cabbage exactly nine hundred and ninety nine years ago. It was capable of linking to a network used by aliens, which contained the most up to date information ever imaginable. It was a place of learning, of meditation, of-
"WHERE SHALT I FIND A CUPCAKES RECIPE?"
The guard in front of Luna bowed as low as he could, (which meant his snout had literally gone through the floor) and answered, "Your Majesty, we are not sure. All we know is that recently all the cooking recipe books were stolen by a pink monkey ninja. However....
May we suggest the internet?"
Luna stroked the massive neckbeard she had grown after being told by a person on the internet she would look good in it, and nodded her head. The internet was a place of knowledge, of course it would have a cupcakes recipe!
"VERY WELL THEN. THOU MAY LEAVE."
The guard ran out of the room after crapping himself.
Luna examined the computer. She opened 'Google', her favorite site, and typed in, 'Cupcakes'.
As the results were displayed, she noticed one that stood out from the rest. It was from a site about something called creepy pasta.
Must be a typo for creamy pasta, thought Luna, as she clicked the link and began to read.
***(STARLY THINGIES.)
Pinkie sent an e-mail to Luna. How did she know about g-mail? How could she use the internetz when they were supposed to be top secret? How did she even know Luna's f*cking e-mail address?
She can do all that because she has a gun to my head, so she can do what she friggin well wants.
The mail said-
"Hai Luna I wanna make Cupcakes with you. U interested?"
Take a lesson from this, fillies and colts. Wording is VERY important.
***(Starly thingies.)
Luna stared at the e-mail sent to her by Pinkie, horrified.
The story was true. She was going to be turned into a horrible confectionery, just like Rainbow Dash had been. But no. She was no ordinary pegasus. She would NOT die that easily! She was the goddess of the moon! None could kill her! SHE. WAS. GOD!
"CALL THE ROYAL ARMORER! I NEED TO GEAR UP!"
***(If you don't know what these are by now, go take a headache pill.)
A squadron of clone Lunas landed in Pinkie's lawn, and were promptly shot at by a bunch of sugar coated plants.
"Hah!" Shouted Pinkie Pie. "You'll never take me alive!"
The town had been holding out for weeks(read- one hour) now. A few survivors(read- all of Ponyville) had crowded into Sugarcube corner, hoping to find refuge, protection from the Princess of the Night's invasion. Battalions of clone Lunas had landed in gunships, attempting to blow up(read- shoot chewing gum at) ponies. Their target was Pinkamena Diane Pie, but she was NOT giving up easily.
She whipped out a bass cannon she had borrowed from vinyl scratch, and opened fire on one of the gunships. Because fuck you physics, the gunship was blown to pieces. Not a single pony died because logic. However, Pinkie still got the kills.
"Almost.... Almost...."
She took out an assault carbine and shot a tank that was coming into town, causing it to explode for no apparent reason.
"SCORE!"
Pinkie had acquired the required number of kills. She pulled up her walkie talkie, and said-
"Bring in the airstrike."
***(All shall obey the starly things. The starly things are power. They must be obeyed. All hail- *gets hit in the head by a star*)
Luna deployed a squad of clone Lunas on top of Sugarcube corner, before she realized she forgot to give them parachutes. She watched them fall to their deaths at over nine thousand miles a second on to the ground.
"ENOUGH HAVE DIED BECAUSE OF THY, PINKAMENA DIANE PIE! NOW IS THE TIME FOR-"
She looked down to see Rainbow Dash punching her.
"Oops."
***
Pinkamena stared out of the window, activated the royal canterlock voice, and replied using facebook messages-
"I DIDNT KILL ANYONE! I ONLY GOT ATTRIBUTED THE KILLS! ITS NOT LIKE I ORDERED A BUNCH OF HIGH EXPLOSIVES... TO... BE... DROPPED... ON... A.. VILLAGE....
OOPS."
Luna and Pinkamena shat themselves. A thin line was in front of them. The line of reality. They watched as the were thrown over it, and as they stepped on it and took a massive shit on it.
They were in soooooooooo much trouble.
***
Sunbutt stared out of her window. Were those nukes? She loved nukes! It must be her birthday! She then cast a cloning spell on them, so that everyone could have some. She then realized they were falling from the sky.
"Oops."
***
Tanks started to fall from the sky. Pinkie Pies started eating rocks. Pie was thrown at other Pies of the Pie flavor. The entirety of reality began to shatter due to the shitty references and terrible storytelling. Luna punched the author in the face while Pinkie did chainsaw things. Then, all of reality broke, god picked up his bags, said a witty joke about that escalating quickly, and left.
Spike then died of cancer.