A Love(less) Life- A Five Score, Divided by Four sidestory

by Maverick Huntress

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Romance, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 4700

I have never cared about finding somebody to be with me, but I'd be damned if I wouldn't help others find their special somebody. Which I do. A lot. Still, it would be nice to find out how I got this crystal heart on my leg in the first pla

When people looked at me, they didn't see much other then your average college student. Well, they would've had they bothered to even look in the first place. That aside, I rarely left my house anyways asides from I went to college. I never went to bars, hung out with my friends in person, and I never bothered with dating. I was perfectly content with staying home with nobody but me for company. However, when my few friends tried to do the same after some issues with their special somebodies… Let's just say I always did my best to fix up their relationships.

Don't ask me why, but I knew, and still do, pretty much everything there is to romantic relationships while never having been in one myself. Pretty crazy right? A man who has never loved anyone giving advice on it. Still, that doesn't mean my hair should start turning different colors and I should wake up with crystal hearts on my upper thighs right?

Right?

Cover art belongs to Ric-M, with the image being found here. Five Score, Divided by Four by Twisted Spectrum.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-14 21:26:41 UTC

1. A little heart to heart.

I grabbed my cup and lazily sipped on it despite that fact that it got sucked dry long ago, my eyes darting across the screen as I examined my handiwork. I spent the last eight hours or so playing Civilization V, my empire only encompassing a small portion of the world, more precisely the northern hemisphere, though it made up for this fact by being much more advanced then the others who where at least an age behind me. The strategy was one I had recently developed, but it was proving to be an effective one thus far. While the other civilizations fought over land and spread across the globe at a exponential rate, mine stayed small and built up defenses along with its forces. My economy was strong and my people happy, while a brief look at the others revealed that theirs were suffering heavily.

Content with the progress I had made, I saved my game and let out a sigh as I closed down the game for the night; my chair rolling backwards so that I could escape from the confines of the desk. Placing a hand on the desk and the other my knee, I heaved myself up but nearly fell when I finally noticed that one of my legs had fallen asleep. Cursing lightly, I began to shake shake it wildly so that blood would flow back into it; my eyes taking a closer look at the actual time as I did.

'Eleven-seventeen already? Jeez, time sure does fly on your birthday when you're working...' With my leg now awake but still a bit tingly, I made my way over to the kitchen a couple of rooms over where I raided the fridge looking for something to celebrate the night with. "Let's see, what do we have here? I got some Budweiser, Applejack, some two-bit beer.... Ah, here's something worth drinking!" I spot a large, clear glass bottle in the back, the light-grey label standing out amid the yellow-colored liquid inside the container. I moved the various food and beverages out of the way so I could grab the forgotten drink, which turned out to be Pacific Rum. I chuckled when I noticed the blue robot plastered just above the words, remembering the movie with a similar title all those years ago. 'Seven years is a long time to keep this massive jug. Its high-time that I unsealed this thing and finally see just how good this Hawaiian alcohol is. Being 'brewed by a nation born by fire' doesn't make it any better, but I hopes its at least half as good as it should from the way Uncle Hori said about it.'

I walked over to the nearby cabinet and grabbed a simple stout though I fished around the drawers just below the counter-tops for something else to add to the drink. When I felt the texture of flimsy paper attached to a tooth-pick in the back, I pulled it out with dramatic flourish before I placed the cheesy umbrella next to the cup. I then broke the seal of the Pacific Rum and poured until the glass was at least half full before the I added the little decorative umbrella, the rather fat and short glass reminding me of a coconut. "If the shoe fits..." I mumble to myself as I put the bottle back in the fridge and walk back over to my personal computer, one of the task-bar icons now a yellow color that flashed on and off.

"I wonder who'd be up at this time, and contacting me of all people..." I shrugged and clicked on the silvery mechanical arm, which resulted in a black chat box that filled up a fifth in my screen. I quickly shrink the window down to a more manageable size when I notice the light-grey text within it. My face lit up, though metaphorically as that would be weird, when I read the message. The first part, that is.

Happy birthday man! I would've congratulated you earlier but me and Naomi have been having some... issues lately.

My happy expression turned into one a concerned parent would get when their kids told them something was wrong. My brows furrowed as I tried to learn more.

What kind of issues?

Moments passed as I waited for a response, though I knew I would be getting one as stated by the chat status on just below the input section of the window.

I really don't want to burden you with my problems right now, especially on your birthday. I mean, you've already burned through at least a quarter of your life. No need to waste the big two-five worrying about my relationship with Naomi among other things...

'You're not worming your way out of this one!' I rapidly typed a response with a upset expression on my face.

You know I want to you two to be happy, but that's kind of hard to do when you drift apart at the first sigh of conflict. Tell me what happened.

Really? You're doing this even on your birthday?

Yes, now tell me.

I patiently waited for a moment for another response, though instead I got invited to a voice chat. Apparently she didn't want to type what she was about to say. I yanked open one of the desk's drawers and nabbed my headset from within the mess of cords, the device's activation resulted in a glow that basked most of the dark room in a light-blue hue. With the microphone already extended, I accepted the chat.

"Testing, testing. Solaris to Artemis, Solaris to Artemis. Do you read me Artemis?" I cringed, not at my friend's feminine-but-strong voice, but the sheer volume of it. 'I'm lucky she tested it first, else I would've gone deaf!' I thought to myself as I yanked off my headset and slid my finger down the volume knob, the over-all volume now reduced to a tolerable level. "This is Artemis, reading you loud and clear though with a faint ringing in the ears."

I heard a chuckle from my friend, something I haven't heard in quite a while. "That's good. Wouldn't want you to loose your hearing just yet. Not to mention I don't want to waste your last few minutes of being a twenty-four year old man talking about things going in my life."

I blink a few times at the comment before I looked at the clock, and I felt my eyes widen when I noticed that already ten minutes had passed since I gazed at it. "Whatever, I could honestly care less. I could live well past a hundred years, but your relationship isn't going to last much longer at this rate. Now tell me what exactly happened between Naomi and you this time."

The familiar sound of a sigh made in the face of defeat was heard, and I felt a smile creep onto my face before "I know at this point asking you to let it go would be pointless Anthony so I'm not going to even bother. The problem itself has always been present, but it only became an actual problem a week ago I think. At first, it was some minor hesitation from Naomi to do some rather simple things like go out to the movies or a nice dinner, but then it gradually become worse. Two days ago she said... Well, she didn't so much as say it then suggest it..."

I let out a grunt of annoyance. "Unless she said it, flat out, you shouldn't assume anything. Never do that. Its one of the worse things you could possibly do in a relationship. If she's serious about it, then let her go. But before you ask her that, try to find out what exactly is driving her away. Have you been doing or said anything recently that might be the cause of this?"

Again, a sigh was heard from Jaiden. "Well, I recently got a job at the local institute as modern musical instructor and I have been spending quite a few hours there. Also, I may have started talking about it while spending time with her, and when you combine that with my love for my, ah, 'unusual' hobby..."

I had to resist the urge to face-palm, after a moment I managed to do so. "Ugh, you know that show is, or was, designed for young girls right?" I said, recalling what Jaiden had told me some of the more darker things that had happened in the show as per the later seasons; mainly with the final episodes in the last one.

"I know, I know. Just wish people could love and tolerate one another, which is all you seem to do."

I rolled my eyes at her absurd comment. "If that's true, then why don't I ever leave my house? Humanity has dug itself a hole and it keeps getting deeper and deeper, with everyone being pushed into it. I'm just trying to do what I can to make sure at least a few people are happy in this world of misery."

"You know, you could probably be a marriage counselor if you're outlook on life wasn't all 'gloom and doom'. Also, for someone who has supposedly never dated or loved someone, you're pretty damn good about giving advice on the matter."

I couldn't but help but smile slightly at the comment. 'I mean, its not like this is the first time someone has came to asking for help with their relationships, so I guess there's no harm in it. Even if it doesn't work- I stop myself right there, taken aback by what I just thought. 'I wouldn't do such a thing for money! That's horrible! That's like... like a toy-maker handing back a broken train to a kid's parent, not caring if it stayed together as long as he got his money!' I shudder at the thought, though it is Jaiden's voice that brought me out of my self-induced mind-shock.

"Hey man, are you alright? I hope you're not already slammin' shots down. Still got a minute to go until you're officially twenty-five."

"What?" I look at the digital clock in the bottom-right corner of my computer screen and I am honestly surprised to see that seven minuets have already elapsed. "Oh, uhh thanks. I just got a bit side-tracked in my thoughts. To turning twenty-five!" I raised my glass above the keyboard, a silly grin plastered on my face as I watched the time.

"Seven... Six... Five... Four... Three... Two... One! DRINK!" I pulled the drink to my lips as the countdown ended and took a big gulp of the alcohol within like a pirate, though its intense strength yet creamy taste caused my eyes to widen in surprise. I am pretty sure that had a hidden kick in it as I found myself face-up with my eyes focused on the darkened ceiling moments later.

Apparently Jaiden had heard both my fall and my groan, as I soon heard her voice through the headset's surround-sound speakers that were, somehow, still on my head. Her words were muffled and faint, though after a moment they steadily grew louder and more defined. "-thony you there? Hello? ANTHONY!"

I groaned, my entire body flinching at the mare's loud voice. "Y-yeah, I'm here. Looks like the drink packed more then a punch then I thought it would..." I tried to get up but the floor beneath me shook, only to realize that it wasn't the floor but my chair I had been sitting in.

"What in Tartarus happened man!? You- hell, I don't even know what you just did!. I heard you gulping down whatever you had like it was from Celestia's teats and next thing I know I'm hearing the sound shattering glass, a loud sound, and you hitting your head on something!"

"Shattering glass? But..."' I looked around the immediate area and saw that, much to my relief, found that the glass had landed on my right just a few inches away from my head.. With the knowledge of where glass fragments were, I managed to carefully sit up on the backrest of the barely-balanced chair; my rear firmly centered on it.. "Well, I'm alright. The only thing damaged is my pride and a couple of patches on my back." Careful of where I placed my feet, I began the tedious process of escape. 'Alright, so since most of the glass is-' "Ah shit!'

It was that precious moment that I decided to get out of the chair that life decided that it truly hated me, for I felt the back of the chair pivot on the plastic gear on the back and sent me towards the shattered glass. I cried out in agony as the sharp fragments pierced my hindquarters, though I was fortunate it as the only place to get the wonderful feeling of having countless shards of super-heated sand painfully inserted into it.. "Well scratch that last part. You can now add my ass along side my pride to the things that got hurt the moment I turned twenty-five."

I heard the drastic intake of breath from my headset. "Ouch, that's gonna leave a mark. Since you just probably got stabbed by  at least a dozen pieces of glass and require medical aid, I'm going to go now. Also, its fine that you couldn't come over last night to celebrate my own day of birth, with everything going on in your life and all that jazz. Even if it was just me and Naomi, it was still pretty fun."

"Yeah, sorry about that. They needed a replacement for Flynt only the fly and I was the only one who could cover for him; and happy late birthday to you. But remember we're continue our conversation tomorrow even if I can't walk right." I said loud enough for the microphone to pick it up, though I don't know if Jaiden actually caught it because I never received a response.  I shifted my legs so I now looked I was about to preform the crab walk, but instead I swung my arms forward and used my momentum to stand up. I glanced at the assaulted area and I cringed when I saw the blood that had already soaked the fabric of my pajamas. I was not that stupid to pull them out then and there, though.

'The glass was small so the shards shouldn't be that hard to get out.' I thought to myself as I carefully brought my chair up its up-right position, my feet firmly planted where they had been placed as to avoid any more injuries. I leaned over the desk and closed whatever programs I didn't need at the moment, which was most of them actually. The last I closed was the chat, whose icon was once again yellow. I clicked on it and saw Jaiden had just ended the voice chat; but she had left an additional. I shrugged and went to hit the little white X when I noticed something just below the alert.

Thanks for caring and happy birthday to you too Cad.

"Cad? My name is Anthony though... Eh, she probably typed it in the wrong chat by accident. Whatever, I can just ask her in the morning. Its time to get rid of these things before they cause any permanent damage." I made a very slow trip to the bathroom, which was mainly caused by the pain that would traverse through my flank every time I tried to move my left leg so it my right leg that did all the work while the other was limp. I stumbled a few times but never tripped thanks to my relatively clean, hardwood floors.

'I'm glad I choose wood over carpet. I would have a mouthful by now...' What took me what seemed to be an eternity turned out to be a grueling five minutes when I managed to reach the door and turn the knob while I hung onto for dear life as it swung inward. I hopped rapidly so that my face wouldn't become a close acquaintance with the tiled floor, the water-proof clock perched on one of the shower's ledges right in front of my face. "Eight minutes. Not bad, I think."

I leaned over to where the cabinet was, my butt firmly planted on the toilet seat with the assaulted cheek in the air. I carefully fished around for the first-aid box and grinned slightly when I felt its surface. I pulled it out and set the white hexagonal-like box on the counter, the faded black plus in center nearly gone. I frowned and made a mental note to get it repainted in the future. Faded sign aside, I undid the latches and pulled out a bottle of medical alcohol and tweezers along with a handful of bandages. I uncapped the bottle and applied a liberal amount of the liquid of the injured area, my face contorting at the unpleasant sensation that felt like a dozen angry wasps had stung me. When it subsided, I took the tweezers in hand and quickly rid myself of the glass shards. Some were easier to pull out then others, but I managed to do it with what I liked to believe was a minimal amount of pain. Soon, I was left with a small pile of broken glass and some bloodied medical tools. "Alright, now its time to patch myself up and head to bed. I'm not sure I can take much more tonight."

I slid my pants down ever so slightly, which showed just how bad the gashes caused by the shards were. There was at least seven or eight large ones, accompanied by four smaller ones. All of them had dried blood around the gashes. With an unpleasant sensation in my stomach and look of disgust on my face, I grab a rag out of the box and wet it before I used it to wipe away the red body fluid. One rag and what seemed to be a entire roll of bandages later, I was able to cover up the entire area and move without much pain.

"Not bad, considering that I have next to no medical training and I just treated my own flank after cutting it open like a butcher." I just stood their dumbly  while my pants still sagged, a bafflement on my face. "What did I just say?" I ask to none in particular. I shake my head vigorously, my thoughts muddled. Or at least that's what I thought they were. "Ugh, I think I had more then just a little bit to drink before falling. I probably had the entire glass."

I decided that it would now be a good time to head to bed and then deal with everything in the morning, as it would be easier to think with a clear mind and well-rested body. I made better time from the bathroom to my room, my fall onto my bed softened by the comfortable mattress hidden just beneath the purple covers. I pondered mindlessly as to why I had chosen purple all those years ago but I could honestly care less as I pulled them over my body and up to my neck, my body already ready for sleep. My mind quickly follows my body and shuts down, my eyes already closed as I drift away into the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What does the Pretty Pink Pony Princess do...

if her job is to spread the love...

and there none is left to spread?

Five score, divided by four..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I woke up the following morning, it was with significantly less pain that I had expected. I had next to no trouble getting out of bed, even when I walked with my injured thigh in the lead no pain was sensed and I was able to move around just fine. "Huh, you'd think there would be at least some pain. Isn't the butt just a bunch of fat or something? I assume that's the case, hence the name 'fat ass'." Not really caring about why I wasn't feeling any pain whatsoever anymore, I made my way over to the bathroom across the hall and sat down on the toilet. I gently adjusted my pants so that the bandages were revealed and I was honestly surprised about how much blood had soaked the bandages. It looked like someone had taken a forty-millimeter shell and shot it through my leg, though instead of an explosion it just splattered the red body fluid everywhere. I turned on the water and got one of the sponges nearby nice and wet before applying it to the bandages, not want to risk tearing any of the wounds open. Once they were soaked sufficiently, I began the removal process starting with the base of my flank and working upward. It took a couple of minutes, but I was rewarded with a pile of bloodied bandages and something else besides healing scars.

A freaking heart on my thigh.

It wasn't just any heart though. It looked like it was made out some sort of crystal, a fact made obvious by the many faces decorating the surface of it. The golden spirals beneath it reminding me of the Royal Symbols that houses and lords would often have to show what belonged to them. I dragged a finger between my marred skin and over the area where heart was,my mind expecting to find it uneven with the undamaged areas though I was baffled to feel nothing as I passed over it. I repeated the action from every angle, though it felt just like any other patch of skin of my body. I frowned and craned my neck in an attempt to get a better look, though I knew it was futile as my neck couldn't bend like that naturally. Instead, I decided just to look at it as closely as possible without hurting myself. Moments passed and a thought soon came into my mind, causing me to grin.

I was surprised that I didn't think about it before, and mentally scolded myself for turning to face the counter. I popped open the medical box, which I had apparently forgotten to put away last night, and grabbed the magnifying glass. I couldn't remember when or why exactly I put it in there, but it was sure as heck convenient for me. Using it, I was able to see that unlike most things akin to what most people had on their thighs, also known as tattoos or body art, this was solid and showed no signs of dripping or blurring of colors. If I didn't know any better, I would've said that it was natural and that I had been born with it. But since that kind of thing is impossible, I just sat there dumbfounded for a moment.

'Hmmmm, I wonder if... nah, it wouldn't be possible. But then again, it would make sense.' Seeing no point in arguing with myself when I could just look, I got up and adjust my pants and boxers so that my butt was exposed to the air though its not that I cared since nobody else lived with me in my tiny one-story home. I was not all that surprised to see a perfect replica of the strange crystal heart on my right thigh, minus the scars of course. It would make sense to get a mirror one since having it on one side would look silly. I pondered that for a moment. "Huh, 'silly.' I haven't used that term since... well, never. I think. I don't recall ever saying it but my sister sure did say it a lot when she was little. 'Silly filly.' Yeah, that's probably where I got it from."

I put everything I got out of the box back in it and threw the bandages away, though I found myself standing there as I contemplated as what I was going to do about this. "Its obvious that this isn't some sort of prank anymore, as the heart wasn't there before I got cut but after meaning..." I let out an infuriated sigh and sat back down on the toilet, unable to come up with a logical answer. "I'm tempted to blame it on Uncle Hori and the Pacific Rum but last time I checked neither could change the pigment of your skin. I doubt Jaiden somehow caused this, seeing how we only talked via chat and none of my friends have a key to my place. Which leads me to the conclusion that I got these hearts on my flank from..." I stopped myself as I heard myself say that word again. "Flank." I say again, my mind struggling to recall where I had originally heard it. Moments passed and I gave up, unable to remember where or when I had first learned the odd word.

"Oh well, to the internet!" I exclaimed with much more enthusiasm then necessary, though it hardly bothered me as I bolted from the bathroom to where my desk was.I slid into the chair like it was a sock but I couldn't help but cringe as I heard the sound of glass being crushed as the metal wheels of the roller-chair ran over what was left of the stout. "Whoops. Forgot about that, Oh well, that can wait." I clicked on the Google Chrome icon and I waited for a couple of moments for it to boot up and open up whatever tabs I had at the time, though the familiar flashing yellowing icon my taskbar drew my attention once more. Clicking on it, I saw it was Jaiden though the time-stamp placed the messages he had sent me just twenty minutes ago

Hey Anthony. I

Damn, I really don't know how to word this so I don't sound batshit-crazy so I'm going to be blunt:

My eyes changed colors, or rather are in the process of.

And so is Naomi's.

At first it was just the cutie marks, or 'ass tattoos' as Naomi put it, but now I just don't know what to make of it and she's blaming all of this on me.

I need help man. Badly. She's threatening to call the police on me and stuff.

An, you there?

Hello?

Damn it.

I felt my eyes widen in surprise at the slew of messages. "At least I'm not alone in this. Still, it begs the question: How did we get these... 'tattoos' and why? More importantly, how are their eyes changing color? I guess we'll find out later, though I can imagine they're both freaking out." I clicked the reply box and let my fingers do their thing.

Sorry, I was busy getting rid of my bandages. The scars healed over pretty quickly but now I see i'm not alone in this freak situation.

And what would that be exactly? Last time I checked, you didn't have a girlfriend threatening to bring down the law on you.

She replied immediately.

I stared blankly at the seen for a moment as I mulled over what to say next.

The situation where we wake up with strange tattoos on our bodies.

I typed, hoping for the best.

Her reply was much different from what I was expecting, to be honest.

What did you get?

I knotted my brows in confusion. 'Why would he care what I got? We should be worrying how to get rid of these freaky things!' Keeping my cooling, I calmly replied.

A crystal heart. Whats your's?

A moment of silence followed, the status bar changing from 'DropTheBoss is typing a message' to blank and back multiple times. Eventually, Jaiden finally sent a message.

Have you ever heard of Princess Cadance?