Lost Weekend
222204UMAY37
“C’mon, DJ!” Mike asked, almost pleading with his wife. “Just this once, for me.”
“I’m honestly shocked and appalled that you would even think I would do such a thing!” she replied.
Michael Hengst, Lieutenant Junior Grade, United States Navy, was in one heck of a pickle. Earlier in the day he’d been invited to a region-wide meeting of junior naval and Marine officers, being held by one of the most senior officers in the region. Or rather, the “meeting” was more like a party in that all officers were to bring their wives or significant others as well.
Mike’s problem with that was the last part about bringing the person he was married to. Although there was no question he loved her with all his heart, and her likewise to him, the issue remained that DJ Martinez was a pony.
“Hon, I understand that you don’t want to use that stone thing Twilight gave us at our wedding, but I need to take you to this base meeting with me on Sunday and I suspect Gen. Fitzgerald is a bit of a racist.”
“You mean he’s related to your Aunt Debbie?” DJ snarked back. While the tension between DJ and her unwillingly now-related aunt-in-law had been toned down considerably after that one eventful Christmas family reunion, it hadn’t completely gone away, and a particularly scathing comment made by Mike’s aunt at their wedding had nearly turned the whole thing on its head due to DJ’s Equestriani family having been present. So it was possible relations between the two had soured once again.
“DJ….” Mike grunted in frustration. While he himself was not close to his aunt because of her racist tendencies that dated back well before he’d even met his sweetheart, whenever DJ started going off on things by relating them to that specific member of his extended family it never ended well.
DJ sighed. “Okay, I’m sorry, that was over the line, but if this superior officer is really one for having subordinates with perfect WASP wives then I want to show up as I am simply to rub it in his face that I can probably bench press three times his weight despite not having proper hands!”
“If it were any other officer, you know I would completely and totally support you in that. But this guy, Marine Corps Brigadier General Fitzgerald, he’s not somebody who at my rank I want to piss off in any way whatsoever, and not because he’s only the head of both the First Marine Division and Commanding General of Camp Pendleton. I’ve heard that he once held a guy up from promotion simply because he said the guy looked at him funny!”
"Why would he do that? He's a Marine, not a Sailor."
"But he's the kind of Marine that gets Sailors to listen. That means he has an impact on my career, right or wrong."
“Oh, alright, fine,” surrendered DJ, “but only because I know how important the Navy is to you, and because you’re more important to me than giving some douchebag what he deserves,” she finished by giving him a peck on the cheek.
“And I know how important it is to you to prove you’re just as much a person as the rest of us, hon.”
DJ laughed. “You think you do, and I love you all the more for it, but unless you had to live with an equine body like me I don’t think you’ll ever truly understand. Now come on, help me find something decent to wear for Sunday evening.”
The two lovebirds proceeded to the bedroom, where DJ fished out of the back of a dresser a small box, akin to that used to hold engagement rings. Inside, however, was a sienna-colored rock with spikes of a chartreuse mineral jutting out from it, pulsating with magic energy.
“If I remember correctly, Twilight said the magic change only lasts about 12 hours , and I can’t really end it prematurely due to not having a horn sticking out of my forehead, so I expect somebody to help me make the most of my time as human, especially since their job is on the line and all,” said DJ, giving Mike a sultry look.
“Do I look like I’m complaining?” answered her husband.
Giving him a warm smile, DJ proceeded to take off her clothes. Ever since the “incident” where she learned she was not the only one of her species in the worst possible way, she always felt exposed when the only thing covering her skin was nothing but tan fur. The two exceptions, of course, were when she was in the presence of an EqD or her husband Mike. With the latter currently being true, she turned and cradled the genderstone in her hands, concentrating hard on becoming human.
Under normal circumstances, what would happen was that DJ would spontaneously explode into numerous magical fragments, the genderstone being suddenly suspended in mid-air, before it all reformed into her humanized body with the genderstone in her hands.
Only this wasn’t normal. After nothing happened for a few seconds, DJ concentrated harder. An audible *CRACK* was heard coming from the genderstone as a large fissure appeared on the surface. Then another, and another. Without warning, the stone suddenly exploded, consuming the unchanged DJ and Mike in a supernova of uncontrolled magic.
230615UMAY37
Mike found himself waking up, splayed spread-eagle on the ground, with a headache he figured must have been akin to the worst hangovers on record. He couldn’t know for sure, having always been responsible enough to never drink heavily to the point of getting one, but it was enough to tell him something had happened last night.
“Wh-what in the world happened…” groggily asked Mike, trying to get up into a standing position and to his surprise failing as his limbs didn’t respond the way he expected. The last thing he remembered was DJ’s genderstone exploding and a bright light. Taking in his surroundings, he placed his location as being in the doorway between the bedroom and the hallway, with the bathroom to his right.
His headache getting worse, he moved to place a hand on his head, and that’s when he started to realize that things were going to hell at mach speed. He couldn’t feel his fingers, just a giant lump rubbing against his head, and two fuzzy extrusions that felt like his wife’s ears.
Eyes going wide as realization began to set in, he carefully moved what he thought was his hand in front of his face. Only there was no hand. Just a white-furred foreleg with a hoof at the end. He moved his other “arm” into view, and it too was both white furred and stubby. Rubbing his hands-turned hooves over his face, he was mortified to find his nose and mouth had merged into a snout.
No…NO! mentally screamed Mike as he scrambled to try and get to the bathroom, all four limbs trying to learn how to function again. He eventually managed to get to the bathroom and lift himself up on the sink counter to see himself in the mirror. What he saw was enough to almost make him hyperventilate, the only thing stopping that being his armed forces training.
Gazing back at him in the mirror was not Mike Hengst, or at least not the Mike Hengst of last night. No, what looked from the mirror was an unfamiliar earth pony. The eyes were the same color of hazel, but surrounding them was a stallion’s face and muzzle, clad in pure white fur. His hair had also changed, his “mane” now a deep navy blue with gold highlights, fitting for a man of the U.S. Navy had he still been a man. A glance back to his hind quarters confirmed he now had a tail, the same colors as his mane, sticking out of his ass. He also saw his flanks now bore the naval officer emblem, serving as what he understood to be a cutie mark.
“FUCK!” Mike shouted, one of the few times he actually swore like the sailor he was. He could only reason that the cause of his change into the same species as his wife was because the genderstone had apparently malfunctioned and turned him into a pony. A well-built stallion, he had to admit, but without more information he feared he might stay this way forever. And DJ…
“DJ!” cried Mike as he scrambled to find his wife. Surprisingly, he found it very easy to walk on all fours, or as his wife called it “four wheel drive” as she preferred to walk upright like humans. He’d have to learn how to do that in time, but right now he had to make sure she was okay.
He was relieved to find that DJ was alright. Somehow, the genderstone had worked, as there could be no other reason as to why a very attractive Hispanic woman was laying on the ground, nude.
“Hey, DJ, are you alright? DJ!” spoke Mike, prodding his humanized wife’s body with his forehoof. He was glad to see her chest rising and falling, so she wasn’t at the very least dead, and the signs of her stirring were also comforting.
“Unhh…wha…what happened…” moaned DJ, consciousness coming back and her eyes fluttering open, revealing the purple irises within.
She then noticed she was naked. And that there was a very muscular looking stallion looking right at her.
“AAAAAAAAAH!” screamed DJ, scrambling to move backwards as far as possible and trying to find something to defend herself with. “St-stay away from me, y-you perverted fuck!”
“No, DJ, it’s me, Mike!” answered the stallion, trying to calm his wife down. He knew exactly what she must have been thinking; flashbacks to that one horrible night when for all anybody had known her whole family had been assaulted by ponies who probably looked similar to his current form for the sole purpose of violating her.
DJ, both vulnerable in her nude, humanized state and still a bit groggy in the head, stared at the stallion in front of her while breathing heavily. But slowly she began to realize that despite no longer being human, those hazel eyes she’d fallen in love with were still evidence enough of the man she had married.
“M-Mike, is that really you?” said DJ, carefully leaning forward to change her position to that of being on her hands and knees. Slowly, she reached out towards the stallion, he reaching out a hoof in turn. The hand and hoof connected, then in one sudden motion the transformed lovers moved to embrace each other in a hug radiating both fear and relief in that the other was okay.
“Oh thank God you’re alright, DJ.” Said Mike, “I was worried for a second there that whatever did this to me had done something worse to you.”
“Are you crazy?” asked DJ,” All this is to me is just changing shape; it’s not a massive lifestyle change for me since this isn’t the first time we used that stone. You’re the one who you should be more concerned about, though! I mean, you probably can’t even walk on two legs right now for God’s sake!” Then DJ remembered her comment last night about Mike not truly understanding her point of view as a humanized pony. “Oh, God, Mike, please don’t think that I intended this in any way. I know what I said last night, but-“
“No, hon, I know you’d never willingly do this to me,” Mike interrupted, before moving into kiss his wife. The two lovers shared a tender moment despite one of them being in an unfamiliar body. Breaking the kiss, Mike added “Now, you probably should get dressed before we start making some calls so we can figure out just what happened.”
“Me? I think you mean both of us, don’t you sweetie?” laughed DJ as she pointed out Mike was in the nude himself. “I don’t remember you being naked as well when the genderstone did whatever it did to you.”
“I don’t remember, either, to be honest.” Replied a now confused Mike, wondering where his clothes went. The answer was soon found by the AWOL clothes being in the doorway, with the obvious explanation being Mike simply slipped out of them due to his new body structure. Which also highlighted his new problem of finding clothes that would fit. Due to the low numbers of ponies on Human Earth, very few clothes manufacturers had begun to include clothes that were designed for exclusive pony use. This was no problem for DJ, who for all her life had to wear modified human clothes and still had some unmodified for the times she needed to be human, such as right now. Mike, on the other hand, never planned on becoming a pony, so he did not have backup clothing.
“This is gonna be a LONG weekend…” complained Mike, desperately hoping that a solution could be found that would restore him to normal before Sunday evening.
230800UMAY37
“USS Sarajevo Quarterdeck, this is a non-secure line. OS2 Markholm speaking; how may I help you?”
“Markholm, this is Lt. Hengst. Who’s CDO today?”
“That’d be Lt. Cmdr. Reynolds, Lieutenant. In fact, they’re looking for you since you didn’t show up for duty section muster, sir.”
“Okay, put me through to Cmdr. Reynolds’ office.”
“Will do, sir.”
There was a pause on the line before a new voice answered. “Operations Office, Lt. Cmdr. Reynolds speaking. This is a non-secure line. How can I help you?”
“Hey, Pete, this is Mike Hengst.”
“Hey, Mike, you’re running a little late. Good thing the XO didn’t show up today like she said she would or she’d have your ass. You know how Cmdr. Grissom is about timeliness.”
“Yeah, I know, I don’t like missing muster myself. But look...I’ve got uh...a giant rash in my private parts that I think needs to be looked at right away.” This was the part Mike was dreading. There was no way in Hell he could report for duty in this condition, especially not when the best he could do for clothing was a pair of men’s underwear with the elastic stretched close to the breaking point. It was hard enough simply trying to talk into the phone, he’d failed to dial the number to contact his superior, so DJ had to do it with her human fingers and right now was holding the device up to Mike’s head, he himself being forced to stand on all fours due to not yet having mastered the art of bipedal walking on unguligrade legs.
“Look, Mike, I know you just got married recently, or did Maricela’s poring over the service records get that wrong?”
Mike groaned; Maricela - Lt. Gonzalez - was the ship’s Admin Officer and the one who held the officer service records. She was also noted for being a busybody when it came to everyone’s marital affairs.
“No,” Mike answered, “No, she’s right. DJ and I have been married only for a few weeks.”
“Then take some advice from a fellow officer. God didn’t give guys peckers simply so you could take your wife out on a pleasure cruise every single night.”
“I’m pretty sure having too much sex is not the cause of this…issue.”
“Well, you going to be able to stand watch today then?”
“Uh...?”
There was laughter on the other end of the line. “Yeah, thought not. Look, just go hit sickbay - there’s a clinic in your housing area, if I recall correctly - and take the day off; I’ll check with John Dagerty if he’s ready to stand as OOD on his own, but make sure that the clinic sends a copy of your sick chit so I can mark that on the binnacle list. But, seriously - just let your poor wife have a break tonight, understand?”
“Aye, sir!” Mike said facetiously; it’d sound realistic enough.
“Okay, then have a good weekend Mike, see you Tuesday, and you’re going to owe me for this. Later.”
DJ took the phone and pressed the “end call” button. “Hon, I know you just bought yourself some time, but what if this is going to last longer than just 12 hours?”
Her cause for concern was not unreasonable. After getting dressed, she’d found what was left of the genderstone on the floor. Its surface was scarred with numerous fractures and it no longer glowed. Even if it was still useable, somehow, neither DJ nor Mike wanted to risk the situation getting worse.
Mike sighed. “If that is the case, that we’re stuck like this forever, then I guess I’m going to need new clothes. There’s NO way I’m fitting back into my regular slacks, and especially not my dress blues!”
“Hold on, let me get the measuring tape.” DJ replied, not about to let her husband go through the same trouble she had in her early years of having ill-fitting clothes. Once the tool had been found, DJ began to take measurements of her underwear-clad pony husband so she could go out and get him some clothes. “Hmm, y’know, these are kind of close to the measurements that I think match some of my old clothes.”
Mike was horrified. “Are you saying I’m going to have to crossdress now!?”
DJ just laughed. “No, silly, some of those clothes are Men’s things. They tend to be better for my accursedly wider pony hips more than women’s clothes, so lucky you, huh?”
“Yeah, lucky me…” groaned Mike. Even if the clothes did have male items in there, it still didn’t reduce the weird factor of having to wear his wife’s clothes.
231127UMAY23
“Well, I do have some good news, Mike!” said DJ cheerfully, trying to cheer her husband up.
“What, Lovestruck actually knows how to change me back?” replied Mike, momentarily perking up before his wife’s giggle caused his new ears to flatten out.
DJ was finding it rather amusing to watch her beloved deal with having changed species and how he was much more expressive with adjustable ears. It was cute, which in DJ’s head was factored into the fact normal, human Mike was already cute so therefore pony Mike was cute squared.
“She said she could try, so Logan is driving her over to the base so she can evaluate how bad the spell backfired on us.”
Mike just groaned. “Please tell me you couldn’t get Twilight or Sweetie Belle first. Not that I don’t appreciate Lovestruck trying to help, but I’d really prefer the opinion of the unicorn who actually made that genderstone thing or her apprentice more than that of a potion maker.”
“Yes, I already tried. All I got was their voicemails. They’re probably off dealing with something involving the Mage’s Guild I guess.”
“And Lyra?”
“Dialing her up now, hon.”
Indeed, the number was punched into the keypad and ringing could be heard on the other end of the line. Two rings and then a voice DJ instantly recognized answered.
“Hello, Phillips residence. Lyra speaking.”
“Lyra!” DJ began, glad to have an excuse to talk to one of her closest pony friends.
“DJ! it’s been awhile, how are you?”
The two went into a few minutes of pure gossiping, as young married women were prone to engage in regardless of species. Eventually, however, DJ noticed her husband getting more agitated with having to wait for a response about the real matter at hand.
“Listen, Lyra, the reason I called is that you may be the only person who can help Mike and I out. You see, we kind of had an…issue…with the genderstone spell last night.”
“What, that you lasted an hour beyond what the spell is supposed to keep you as a human? Don’t worry, that’s just built up magic from last time you used it, so it just got added to your own inner magic well. Twilight explained it to me, it’s perfectly natural.”
“No, Lyra, that’s not exactly it. You see, the genderstone kind of…exploded…last night.”
“It what?!”
“Yeah, and it gets worse. I’ve been stuck as a human ever since, but Mike…well, he’s now my little pony husband.” DJ couldn’t help but snicker again.
“Wait, Mike’s now a stallion?”
“Yep. White fur, navy blue and gold hair, and his cutie mark is the Navy Officer’s symbol. Gave me quite a scare this morning, to be honest.”
Lyra was silent for a few minutes, before she was able to come up with a reply; “DJ, can you put it on speakerphone? I think it would be easier for both of you to hear this.”
DJ pressed the speakerphone button and placed the device on the table Mike was sitting at.
“Is it on speakerphone?” asked the phone in Lyra’s voice.
“I can hear you loud and clear” replied Mike.
“I just have to be sure, Mike, but are you seriously now a pony?”
“Yes, Lyra, I do have unusually colored hair coming out of both my head, neck, and right above my ass. I also have marks on my bum despite not ever getting tattoos in my life, so either I’m extremely high or I really am a pony right now.”
“Well, damn. You may or may not like what I’m going to say next, then.” Lyra took a deep breath before continuing; “I myself have only had the amniomorphic spell backfire once, during my monthly inconvenience, which left me as a human for some time. If I remember correctly, it was about a week before I was able to become a unicorn again.
“However, I must confess I know nothing about what is going on with you, Mike. Since DJ is normally a pony as I am, I have to figure a genderstone failure for her that still worked probably will just keep her human for a week as well. But a human that gets turned into a pony? Have you guys tried contacting Twilight or Sweetie about this?”
“Already did” answered DJ, arms crossed, “I couldn’t reach them, probably because they’re out dealing with something I guess.”
“Oh, well then…look, I’ll try to call them up, it’s easier for me since as the ambassador and so I have more clout with communications, but I can’t promise anything. All I can do is suggest that Mike get some clothes that can fit him while he’s a pony.”
“Yeah, thanks for the support, Lyra,” muttered a sullen Mike, his hopes of ever being human again fading by the second.
“Just stay strong, bud, you’re in the Navy aren’t you? I don’t think they allow people who undergo species changes to slack off on the job. Anyway, I’ll get to those calls as soon as I can, so talk to you guys later!”
“Later, Lyra.” DJ hung up the phone. It was quiet in the household before Mike suddenly began to laugh. Almost crazily, he began to laugh louder and louder, which DJ immediately grew concerned about.
“Mike, are…are you okay?”
“Yes, DJ, it’s just…just me remembering what my dad first said about you way back when my family moved from Rota to Winchester.” Puffing out his chest, Mike proceeded to do his best impersonation of his father; “Son, maybe you should stay clear of that alien, lest you end up some kind of pod person or something.”
DJ chortled, “Did he really say that about me?”
“Uh-huh, it was the evening after we first met and I helped you clean out your locker, I’m sure that if my dad back then, before he got to know you, knew this was going to happen to me because I eventually married you, Lord knows what he would have done to protect me. He also mentioned something about you potentially putting a ‘facehugger’ or other office violating thing on me.”
DJ’s face suddenly showed a mischievous grin. “But Mike, your father was close to the truth. I am a face hugger.”
Mike, in response, momentarily turned pale, an incredible feat considering he was covered from head to hoof in snow white fur. “Y-you’re what?”
Instead of a verbal response, DJ just pulled her husband closer and kissed him on the lips. Mike in turn willingly allowed himself to be violated in such a manner.
Breaking the kiss, DJ’s eyes were full of love as she said “We’ll get through this, Mike, I know exactly what it’s like to be in your position right now.”
“Oh, I’m sure we’ll get through this, since I’m pretty sure I can bench press the car now” laughed Mike, “but first let’s get some lunch, I’m starved!”
231502UMAY37
“Logan, Lovestruck, glad you could come!” exclaimed DJ as she stood in the door. On the porch stood another human male and his Valentines Day themed Unicorn housemate.
“Wait…DJ, is that you?” asked a very confused Logan. Having never seen DJ in human form due to her normally reserving genderstone usage for private bedroom time with Mike, he’d not recognized the woman standing at the door.
“Yeah, it’s me. Surprised?”
“I can’t help but think I’m not supposed to be, since wasn’t the whole point of our visiting about trying to fix something that had happened to Mike involving pony magic?”
“Yeah, where is Mike, anyway?” asked Lovestruck.
“He’s inside, trying to find clothes that fit.”
“What, did Navyboy somehow gain a larger hip size overnight and has been walking around in nothing but underwear all day?”
“Actually, yes.” DJ said in a flat tone, catching her guests off guard, before quickly adding, “but not in the way you’d expect. But where are my manners, come on in, guys!”
As the two visitors entered the housing, they were greeted by a warm, welcoming interior. It was somewhat modest, being standard navy housing, but it was clear DJ had done her best to make the place as comfortable as could be.
Or at least as she could make it. Logan, being a radio DJ, couldn’t help but wander over to where the music collection was stored. The evidence of DJ’s one crime against humanity was ever present in how there was nothing even remotely new in terms of music present.
“DJ,” started Logan, “we really need to talk about your music preferences.”
Dj was about to launch into a tirade about how she thought all recent music was crap, but before she could begin she heard the door to the bedroom open. Quickly rushing over, she began to assist her altered husband make his way on two legs. Now fully dressed, Mike had made considerable progress towards being able to walk on two legs again, but he still needed help from his wife, the wall, and a walking stick.
Lovestruck and Logan were dumbfounded at Mike’s new form. While DJ had said she needed their help because Mike had suffered from some backlash from the genderstone, Lovestruck had theorized it had been something minor, like his ears got all fuzzy and pointed, or he’d grown a tail. She had NOT expected full transformation.
Logan, on the other hand, found something else even more alarming; “Uh, Mike, why do you have a candy cane colored walking stick? Christmas was months ago.”
“It’s actually a remnant of an incident DJ doesn’t like to talk about, but since it was a gift from my sister Shelby she could never throw it out,” Mike answered, clearly embarrassed at having to greet guests like an old, crippled pony.
“Well, um…” started Lovestruck, clearly out of her element, “what exactly happened?”
Going in tandem, DJ and Mike (who was now sitting down) gave the short version of the previous night’s event and how they dealt with it in the morning. DJ had also brought out the broken genderstone, replaced in its little box and being cradled like a piece of fine china.
The apology was written on Lovestruck’s face when she said “I’ll be honest, guys, there isn’t much I can do for you. I’m mainly a potions maker, not a spellcaster.”
While Mike tried not to sound desperate, there was still a hint of it when he asked “Well, what can you do?”
“Although I wasn’t a fully trained guild member back when I was Twilight’s secretary, it was one of a handful of spells we needed to learn as employees of the guild to measure the level of magic in other ponies. The reasoning for it is rather convoluted, but here it’s simple.” Lovestruck cleared her throat before continuing, “The Amniomorphic spell works on draining the inner magic well of the pony it is being used on, for non-unicorns the genderstone acts as a means to casting the spell without needing a horn. Judging by the poor state of yours I can only guess that it had the same reaction to the spell being cast by a unicorn whose horn was broken or cracked, which causes a loss of control. You two were extremely lucky in that the spell just had the one side effect of Mike becoming an earth pony in addition to doing what it was meant to do; turn a mare into a human female.”
“But then why am I still a pony?” asked Mike. “If I understand you correctly, this spell should only last as long as there is still natural magic remaining in the subject’s body. However, since I’m- or at least was- human, and to my understanding humans have no magic ability whatsoever, then where is the magic power being drawn from?”
“Don’t take my word as being one hundred percent sure on this, but it’s possible that in getting turned into a pony, a magic well was created inside you.” Upon receiving blank stares from the two humans and the human-turned-pony, Lovestruck continued; “From what DJ said, that genderstone was created by Twilight Sparkle herself. Now, Twilight happens to be the most powerful unicorn ever born, reaching almost alicorn levels of power, so it stands to reason that when she imbues something with magic, she puts in a TON of magic. It’s entirely possible that when your genderstone exploded, it released all that magic and it ended up settling as a magic well inside of you, Mike.”
“But you said you can detect the magic inside other ponies, right?” asked DJ, worried about where the discussion might end up. “Can’t you just see how much energy is in Mike here and estimate how long he’ll be stuck like this?”
“I can try,” replied the unicorn, who proceeded to close her eyes. Momentarily, her horn lit up in a brilliant pink hue, Mike soon afterwards, before the unicorn killed her magic glow. Opening her eyes, Lovestruck cringed as she said “Well, if the theory is right, Twilight put a LOT of magic into that little rock.”
“That doesn’t bode well for me, does it?” asked Mike.
Lovestruck shook her head. “I’m afraid not. It’s impossible for me to tell how long, but judging from that amount of magic and the average time it takes for me to burn through my magic reserves when I use the spell in my own pursuits, you’ll be a pony for at least a whole week. Possibly more. Possibly forever. I just can’t be sure.”
Mike just slightly slumped forward before putting his face into his hooves, silently mourning the potential loss of his external humanity. “Great, so I’m more or less stuck as ‘Magic Mike’ for the rest of my life, aren’t I?” DJ, being the loving wife as always, sat down and embraced her husband.
Wordlessly, Lovestruck and Logan simply glanced at each other before getting up to leave, but to everyone’s surprise Mike suddenly reacted to them.
“No, please, don’t go,” said the ponified human, his steely resolve and inner strength showing through. “I know I may make it sound bad, but I mean, I’m sure it won’t be that bad. Sure, trying to get this change of state by my parents is going to be…difficult, at best, and this certainly isn’t going to help my naval career, but after what you said, Lovestruck, I am lucky to still be alive. In all likelihood I’m probably just still trying to adjust to this. But everything that’s happened so far has been focused on me and this new body, so I think the best thing to do is for me to do stuff that isn’t focused on my becoming a pony. And to that end, I think there’s a game later between the 49ers and the Packers that I’d really like you guys to stay and watch with DJ and myself.”
“Sure, bud!” eagerly replied Logan, with Lovestruck nodding as well. While they couldn’t do much to assist the poor guy in becoming human again, helping establish a setting to make him more comfortable was the next best thing.
232026UMAY37
Logan and Lovestruck would end up spending the rest of the day at the home of DJ and Mike. The game watching had ended up being a lot of fun, especially when Lovestruck accidently revealed herself to be a huge 49ers fan, and after watching her celebrate her team’s victory over the Packers 45-35, they’d switched games to watch the Bengals vs. Steelers and had ordered Chinese Takeout delivery
Meanwhile, none of the occupants had looked outside and noticed the white 2037 Ford Escort, sitting nearby in a poorly lit spot on the street, and its sole occupant. The figure inside, barely even visible in the dark vehicle cabin, had been there at least since four hours ago, having been notified of one Mike Hengst, lieutenant junior grade, who failed to show up to sick bay despite having called in to say he was to have a genital rash looked at. According to the files sitting in the passenger seat, Lt. Hengst was listed as a “person of notable security concern” in that he was the first man to ever date a non-human; one DJ Martinez. The first Equine-American, the mysterious watcher found it curious that there were two sets of pictures provided for her in the relevant files; one of a tan pony with purple eyes, and the other set showing a very nice looking brown haired Hispanic woman who had the same set of purple irises. In his observations of the house, he’d caught glimpses of the woman, but no sign of the tan pony. However, he had also seen glimpses of a man who had identified himself at the base gate as a Mr. Logan Branford, his unicorn pony companion Ms. Lovestruck (no given last name), and most curious of all an unidentified white, normal looking pony with navy blue and gold hair who seemed to be in a perpetual state of discomfort. But no sign of Lt. Hengst.
With a near silent click of a ballpoint pen, the figure moved to jot down some notes on a notepad. In truth, he’d been observing the actions of Lt. Hengst ever since he’d learned about how he was to be at the regionwide meeting with his unconventional wife. The reasons of the man’s interest were completely unrelated to the couple directly, but everything hinged on both of them being present at that meeting on Sunday evening, and right now that was up in the air with the location of Lt. Hengst currently unaccounted for and the presence of the odd pony.
A thought then occurred to the man, relating to a specific item the information about the household which had stuck out as being “extremely odd” to him. Some shuffling of papers later and the item’s presence was confirmed. Deciding there was nothing left to observe, the man decided he needed to make some late night calls for even more information, along with visiting Mr. Branford and Ms. Lovestruck to ask them some questions of their activities tomorrow. He activated the keyless ignition, the car silently coming to life before gliding off into the night like a ghost, the formerly watched having no idea he’d even been there to begin with.
240700UMAY37
Mike slowly began to wake up, finding himself tucked snugly into the bed. It had been a really good night last night, one of the most fun get-togethers he’d had in a long time. It had helped take his mind off of his ponification.
Of course, now the most immediate problem he had was something was preventing him from getting out of bed to start the day. Looking down, he saw two human arms wrapped round him in a big hug. He then felt something breathing warmly into the back of his neck.
“DJ, hon…” said Mike, trying to wake his wife.
“Uhhnnhhh, five more minutes…” yawned DJ, seemingly tightening her hug on her furry husband.
“DJ, please, I need to keep to my schedule, so can you let me go?”
“Nuuuu, I don’t wanna let go! You’re like a big, warm stuffed animal and I just wanna keep hugging you.”
Eventually, however, DJ finally relented when Mike pointed out her constant tightening hug was eventually going to make it hard for him to breathe. Now free of the clutches of his wife, Mike went off to try and carry out his daily schedule. Initially he tried performing the morning stretches, but as he was still having trouble standing on two legs he quickly abandoned that idea. Moving on to the morning shower, he elected to take a quick bath instead. While his wife normally could stand in the shower on two hooves, Mike wasn’t taking any chances and elected to just go four wheel drive. He also quickly learned just how difficult it was to clean oneself when every inch of his body, save for the most notable part of the male anatomy, was covered in fine fur.
I’m never going to complain about how long DJ takes in the shower after this, thought Mike as he dropped the soap into the bathwater for the fourth time. He also had to wonder how ponies on Alt. Earth managed to take baths considering how far back their technology had appeared to have been the last time he was there. That led to him thinking about DJ’s birth mother Rarity, namely how she had outright said she wanted DJ to date other ponies after the custody trial. Well, Rarity, looks like your daughter still married a pony, just not any of the ones you would have preferred.
At the same time, DJ finally dragged herself out of bed and got dressed. Proceeding to the kitchen, she fired up a coffee pot, before heading back to the bedroom to see if she had any decent shirts for business casual attire. As far as she knew, Mike still intended to go to the meeting tonight.
“DJ,” called Mike, “how the hell do you dry yourself off after a shower? There’s no way I’m getting all of my fur dry with just a towel!”
“Hold on!” answered DJ, walking over to the restroom. What she found was Mike laying on his back, the towel in-between him and the floor. He was rolling back and forth, apparently trying to get around his problem of lacking vertical stability on two legs, which prevented him from toweling off normally.
Mike noticed DJ standing in the doorway, covering the obvious smirk with her hands, and said, “Remind me to never bother you about spending so much time in the bathroom. Now, mind helping me towel off or use a hair dryer or something so I can be dry enough to put clothes on?”
“Yes, dear,” giggled DJ as she knelt down. Mike rolled off the towel, allowing DJ to pick it up and use it to towel off her husband, who now sat on his haunches.
“Hey, remember that comment you made that one year at Christmas time, how you said you sometimes think of me as your pet?” asked DJ.
“Yeah?”
“Well, I guess you’re the pet now, aren’t you?” evilly grinned DJ, but her expression switched to concern as Mike just looked down and flattened his ears.
“Well, I understand how you felt about being called a ‘pet’ then by Aunt Debbie. Even though it’s just you, the fact I need your help simply to finish cleaning myself isn’t any less humiliating.”
Putting the towel down, DJ lovingly embraced her husband. “Pet or not, you’re still my dear husband, and nothing is going to change that. Even if this is permanent, if I could learn how to act like a human despite being the only pony of my kind on Earth for the first fifteen years of my life and having to be treated as an unequal minority all along, then you have it easier because the world is changing to recognize ponies as equals.”
Mike smiled. “I knew I married the right woman.”
241228UMAY37
“This is delicious, Loves. Did you adapt this from Equestriani cuisine or something?” asked Logan in-between bites of egg casserole.
“No,” replied Lovestruck, “it’s something I got out of some cooking magazine. Apparently it’s a Tennessee recipe or some other mid-southern state. I’m still trying to remember the names. Heck, I’m still trying to remember there’s fifty of them!”
“You’ll get used to it.”
Suddenly the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it!” said Lovestruck, moving to the foyer and opening the front door. On the other side stood a finely dressed black man who appeared to be in his mid 20’s.
The man pulled something from his suit, before holding it up and flipping it open to reveal a shiny shield and what looked to be some kind of ID. “Special Agent Warren Crosby, US Naval Criminal Investigative Service. Is there a...Mr. Logan Bradshaw available?”
“Y-yes, he’s just inside, we were having lunch,” Lovestruck answered, a bit surprised and worried as to why an apparent law-enforcement officer was at the door. Plus, he mentioned something about the Navy, which didn’t bode too well considering where they were yesterday....
“Ah, good. If I may come in, there are some questions I’d like to ask both you and Mr. Bradshaw.”
“O-of course.”
Letting the agent in, Lovestruck led the sudden guest into the dining room. Logan was, of course, surprised to see an NCIS agent, and unknowingly shared the same concerns as Lovestruck about how sudden it was for him to show up so soon after their trip to the naval base.
Agent Crosby cleared his throat before he addressed the two: “Just so you two know, I’m not here to investigate either of you directly; I don’t have that authority. However, yesterday you visited the San Diego Naval Base under guest passes to visit one Lieutenant Junior Grade Michael Hengst and his wife, Daisy Jo Hengst, who also goes by DJ Martinez. Is that correct?”
“That is correct,” said both Logan and Lovestruck, almost in choreographed unison.
“Reports also say that you left base property at around 1 am, which I believe means you spent a very long time at the residence. Am I correct in believing so?”
“That’s correct, Agent Crosby,” Loves began, but was silenced by a look from the agent.
“Please, Ms. Lovestruck, allow me to finish my questions. Were both Lt. Hengst and his wife inside the house at all times?”
“That’s correct,” Logan answered.
Time to drop the bomb thought Crosby. “Did at any point either Lt. Hengst or his wife inform you that as of 8 am that day, Mike Hengst was to have reported to sickbay due to phoning in his inability to come to his duties that day on account of a genital rash?” He smiled inwardly as he could tell both Mr. Bradshaw and Lovestruck paled at the revelation. But he wasn’t done yet. “Furthermore, we had an observer stationed outside the housing for a few hours, and he reports that while Ms. Martinez was seen inside, along with both of you, there was no sign of Lt. Hengst. There was, however, an unidentified white pony interacting with all of you. Care to explain?”
Logan and Lovestruck nervously glanced at each other, the unicorn kneading her hooves together anxiously. The agent knew he’d hit paydirt, but he couldn’t reveal his whole hand yet.
“Look, I can tell you’re good friends with Lt. Hengst and his wife, and whoever this other pony is, but you have to understand that this could be a serious breach of security as that pony is not recorded in the logs as having come in, and Lt. Hengst’s current whereabouts are unknown. I know you two know something about what’s going on, and as much as I don’t like it my job will require me to persecute you if you’re obstructing the law.”
“I thought you just said you didn’t have jurisdiction over us?” Lovestruck asked.
“I don’t. But were you aware that for civilian issues on military bases, it becomes the jurisdiction of the Federal Bureau of investigations?” Agent Crosby answered.
Both mare and man looked at each other; the FBI getting involved was well above what they’d expected, and none of this was good to begin with.
“There was no ‘other’ pony, Mr. Crosby,” Lovestruck blurted, trying to defend her friend. “The white earth pony? That was Mike Hengst.”
The agent raised an eyebrow. “Ms. Lovestruck, if this is an attempt at humor....” he began.
“No, I’m serious! Look, both Mike and DJ have a magical item for...well, let’s just call it ‘personal marital aid purposes’, and what happened was it backfired and so Mike got turned into a pony.”
The man pulled out a notepad on which some notes had been hastily scribbled. “Yes, I do recall supplemental information given to the Naval Medical Clinic for Ms. Martinez’ medical records. Something about a ‘genderstone’ I’m guessing it was called, described as, and I quote, ‘a magical talisman used by Ms. Martinez to allow her to temporarily assume human form.’ Are you telling me that this, er, ‘genderstone’ malfunctioned and turned Lt. Hengst into a pony and his wife into a human, and Lt. Hengst effectively lied about his condition to avoid being publicly seen around the base?”
Lovestruck, horrified at the realization that she might have just damned her friends, was at a loss for what to say. Logan, however, thought quickly and countered with his own question: “Agent Crosby, are Mike and DJ in any sort of trouble and are we in any way involved? Because if that’s the case, I think I’ll be calling my attorney right now.”
Agent Crosby folded up his notebook and put it back inside his suit. “No, Mr. Bradshaw, neither you nor Ms. Lovestruck here are in any trouble. I cannot say the same for Michael Hengst or DJ Martinez, but clarification would require giving out information on current investigations. I would also ask you to not contact them for at least the next 24 hours about the matter. I know it sounds unusual, but I assure you that it is in their best interest that they do not know about this.”
“You can’t tell me not to, Agent.”
“You’re right, I can’t. But I can call the Special Agent in charge of the Los Angeles FBI office and you can ask him if he can’t - the answer, I assure you, will be much different. But that’s your call.” He then then got up to leave, and after being shown out by both Logan and Lovestruck, bid goodbye and headed to his car. As he drove off, Lovestruck was still shaking at the horror of what she might have just done.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure everything is going to turn out alright,” Logan assured her, drawing Lovestruck into a hug that she responded to in kind.
“I hope you’re right,” said Lovestruck, “I honestly hope to Celestia you’re right, Logan.”
241503UMAY37
“Mike, this is a bad idea and we both know it!” argued DJ.
“I know it is, but I’m already in hot water about not showing up to sickbay yesterday. I’m basically throwing my entire Navy career down the toilet if we don’t show up for this meeting, and we don’t have anything that even remotely classifies as business casual that I can wear!”
“You show up to this meeting like this, you’re throwing it away already if what you say about that Fitzgerald guy is true! Not to mention exposing yourself to the public!”
“Then I’m dead in the water anyway and if this is permanent, then I might as well get used to being gawked at.”
DJ visibly shrunk from the comment, and Mike quickly responded after realizing how hard his words had hit.
“Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way, it’s just-“
He was silenced when DJ put a finger to his muzzle. “I know you didn’t mean it like that, Mike, it’s just hard for me, somebody who has had to put up with all this stuff all her life, to watch the one person outside of her family who went against the entire world because he loved me have to deal with those problems, and then suddenly have all of my problems shifted onto him and I can’t really do anything to help.”
Mike moved DJ’s hand from in front of his mouth and took it into both his forehooves. “But it was all worth it because I get to be with the girl of my dreams, and unlike most other people it doesn’t matter what species we are. Now come on, since I’m not even going to try driving due to still not having mastered two leg walking, I need you to drive me to the Navy Exchange so I can get something decent.”
Realizing nothing she said was going to change his mind, DJ just nodded and together the humanized equinoid and ponified humanoid went to their car. The trip to the NEX, a good ten minute drive, was mostly silent aside from the Enya playlist loaded into the car’s built-in mp3 player, music that had an uplifting theme to it that Mike silently suffered as he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts, but since he was kind of dragging his wife along to buy him clothes…
Oh my God thought Mike, I really AM becoming my wife!
But as annoying as the trip was with its soundtrack, it was soon over and Mike braced for what he expected to be the most awkward experience of clothes shopping he’d ever have to endure.
“You ready for this, Mike?” asked DJ, having opened the passenger door.
“As I’ll ever be” he replied, getting out of the car with some difficulty. Then, with arm hooked with foreleg, and the trusty candy cane walking stick providing assistance, DJ and Mike entered the Navy Exchange.
Mike would soon re-evaluate his opinion of the experience from “awkward” to “the most uncomfortably exposed feeling he’d ever had in his life.” As both the majority of patrons and employees of the Exchange had never really seen a walking, talking pony from the other side of the dimensional barrier, he got a firsthand tour of what DJ probably went through every single time she left the house. Probably worse in her case if she encountered people like Aunt Debbie on a regular basis.
Relief soon came upon finding the very large human male shirts, the 2X and 3X sizes and other clothes of similar girth. The selection wasn’t that great, especially since the Navy tended to not employ people who were of a very large body build, but it was decent enough that a good business casual outfit was found, complete with shoes that, amazingly, fit rather comfortably - once enough wadding was stuffed down the toebox, that is. DJ had suggested that they buy another outfit set just in case, but Mike shot it down by reasoning that it would be best not to waste money as his employment status was rapidly becoming questionable.
At last, with the shopping done, Mike almost ran out of the store and into the car. DJ could tell that the whole experience had been disturbing for her husband, what with almost everybody in the Exchange having looked directly at the brightly colored pony with the candy cane walking stick. The one kid who exclaimed “mommy, look at the funny pony person” was lucky DJ had enough self-control and reason not to punch him and scream in his face that nobody called her husband a “funny pony person”.
The drive home was truly silent, as DJ turned off Enya to give Mike some peace of mind. But the psychological damage was fully evident later, after arriving home, when Mike not only spent longer than usual in the bathroom, but the sound of the shower head running alerted DJ to what might be going on.
“Mike, are you okay?” she asked, opening the bathroom door. The shower was running, and the curtain drawn. Removing the curtain revealed Mike, stripped down to nothing but his fur and sitting on his haunches, facing away from the shower as the water rained on his head and back. His eyes were closed, but to DJ’s shock he looked close to tears. He may in fact have been crying, but the water on his face covered any tears he may have shed.
“DJ, you’re going to get those clothes wet, pull the curtain back.” Said Mike, not caring on what he must have looked like. DJ, however, instead just turned off the water and rested a hand on her husband’s neck.
“What’s wrong, Mike? I know the Exchange trip was rather…bad…for you, but you managed to get through it alright, so tonight’s meeting shouldn’t be as torturous if only because there won’t be any kids.
“Funny…pony…person…” was all Mike said, finally opening his eyes (which revealed he’d let out a tear or two from their slight red tint) and looking at his wife.
To DJ, she couldn’t help but wonder if, in addition to their having swapped species, they were repeating important moments of their relationship together from the other’s viewpoint now. Here, she was having flashbacks to what would become known in the Hengst and Martinez families as the “118 hours of Krautrock”, where after the attack by members of Equestria’s military she’d remained holed up in her room and almost begged Mike to dump her, she thinking that he didn’t deserve her after it finally hit her that she was, well, a walking talking horse person and Mike wasn’t. Of course, he only once again declared his love for her and stood by her ever since. Even now, robbed of his human form, he would go the distance for her. But now that he was the pony and she the human, this was the side of him she’d never really known. This was Michael Hengst, stripped down from his rank and outward appearance, and at his most vulnerable.
“I’m jealous of you, DJ,” said Mike. “You won’t ever know what it’s like to be in my position here, to have lived all your life as a human, only to have it all taken away and given a new body, and nobody recognizes that you are still very much as human as they are on the inside, all they see is the person on the outside. And they don’t try to get to know you, or understand you, they just judge you.”
“Mike, don’t you understand?” asked DJ, tears starting to well up in her own eyes, “Of course I know what it’s like, that’s what my life WAS throughout most of school. Aside from Carlos and Erica, most of the other students, and their families, understood that I was a person, but they never really cared to get to know me that well. But you…you were the first person without the innocence of kindergarteners who truly reached out to befriend me. That’s why I fell in love with you; because you saw beneath the ears and the hooves and the fur and everything that separates me from normal humans, you saw the me that is me. And even now, I all I can see when I look at you is the man I have loved almost since the day we first met.”
Tears now streaming down both their cheeks, Mike and DJ moved to kiss each other just as passionately as they had the first time that one Halloween night so many years ago.
Breaking off the kiss, but love still very present in her eyes, DJ mock-scolded her husband; “Now, come on, look at the mess you’ve made of yourself! Do you think I’m going to let you go to that meeting looking like a wet dog? Let’s get you cleaned up.”
And so, after helping her husband dry off for the second time (to which he suddenly tried shaking himself like a dog to very little effect except making both DJ and himself laugh), she helped him get dressed as well. Then, after managing to stand on his own without the cane, fully dressed in good clothing, was Michael Hengst, LTJG, USN. With faith restored in himself and the ever-present support of his wife, the inner strength of the Hengst bloodline was showing through and with DJ by his side he was ready to take on the world once again.
“You ready, hon?” asked DJ, who walked in wearing a very smart looking outfit that looked good on her human figure, “we’re going to need to leave for that meeting soon.”
“With you, DJ?” replied Mike, “I could do a double WESTPAC and not complain. Well, not much, anyway...”
“Hah! Like you could stay away from me for that long!” said DJ, smiling mischievously.
242000UMAY37
Blue Point Coastal Cuisine, nestled in San Diego’s famous Gaslamp Quarter entertainment district, was only a matter of minutes away from Naval Station San Diego’s main 32nd Street gate. As a result, it was often used for a lot of informal and unofficial meetings by military personnel, and tonight was no different, as the staff of the Blue Point prepared the VIP room for the big informal meeting to be held here tonight.
Overseeing the operation was Martin Fitzgerald, BGEN, USMC, who did not want anything screwing up tonight’s little get-together. Well, there was the ONE issue with the specific spouse of one of the junior officers, but that’s what he was hoping for tonight. He was going to make it very clear that as long as he was in charge, he was going to make life very difficult for those who shouldn’t be anywhere the grand power that made up the sea services of the United States.
Soon, the sound of servicemen and -women, accompanied by their spouses, began to enter the door to mingle with each other. It was ten minutes later when the pair Fitzgerald was going to destroy tonight entered. Except he was in for a shock when the hottest Hispanic woman he’d ever seen walked in arm-in-arm with what could only be described as a navy-colored pony who was also holding a candy cane decorated walking stick.
Fitzgerald could overhear the conversation as the pair checked in with the staff that had volunteered to assist with registration:
“Ah, excuse me,” asked the pony, who to Fitzgerald’s surprise was wearing a blue “Hello, My Name Is…” badge on which was written “LTJG Mike Hengst, USS SARAJEVO CG-1308”, “do we have assigned seats?”
“Uh, yeah, just find the placeholder with your name on it…” said the volunteer, looking somewhat confused. From where he stood, Fitzgerald tried not to immediately blow his temper. The entire night had been planned around this bastard’s wife being the alien horse, not Hengst himself.
Just don’t let it get to you, thought the General, it’s just worse for him simply because now he’s the walking freakshow instead of his now inexplicably hot wife.
Fortune would not be kind to Fitzgerald, however, as he was preoccupied the whole night despite doing his best to act otherwise. For some reason, Mike Hengst the pony was acting as if everything was alright, cracking jokes with the rest of the folks at the table during the dinner.
“The Bartender says,” said Mike, retelling what would easily be believed to result in a dirty joke, “’I guess you won’t be needing a drink tonight.’ In return, the naked lady said…”
The rest of the joke was muffled as Mike whispered the punchline, but whatever it was had the table howling with laughter. It just made Fitzgerald angrier.
“Is there something wrong, sir?” Fitzgerald looked up and saw one of his own, a Marine captain, sterling in bearing and demeanor. His tag read CPT. WILLIAM CANBY, 1/1 Co. A.
“Nothing that won’t be corrected soon enough, Captain,” Fitzgerald replied smoothly. “So, 1/1, huh? Enjoying the job there, son?”
“Oh, immensely, General,” Canby replied. “Though I’m hoping at some point to transition to ONI for my next duty station. Someday the fleet’s going to need someone to watch out for its interests.”
“Good man - always looking out for fleet and corps. I’ve got my eye on you now. I see good things in your future, Captain. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” the general said, rising from his seat, “it’s time to deal with some of your fellow junior officers who aren’t as proper for the fleet’s needs.”
Eventually, dinner did end and now that everybody had full stomachs, it was time for the meeting. The tables removed so that the chairs could all be lined up in rows, facing something resembling a stage, everybody was eager for the thing to end before it really began. These informal meetings were usually a complete bore, especially for the spouses who had to suffer being regaled by Navy and Marine related things they didn’t actually need to be there for. In contrast, Fitzgerald put on his best fake smile and pretended to be enthusiastic about the whole thing.
“Hello, everybody!” said Fitzgerald to an obviously less-than-enthused crowd,” I’d like to thank you all for coming to this informal meeting tonight, and a thank you to the spouses not in the service who could make time in your busy lives to come as well. As you know…”
He began talking about things that junior officers really didn’t need to know about if it didn’t directly relate to them. Stuff like minor changes in the fleet, which ships were being rotated into duty and which ones were being retired or laid up for repairs. Then he went into stuff about the Marines, which the audience could easily tell he had a hard-on for that went beyond just being enthusiastic about his job.
However, as the night and meeting wore on, Fitzgerald was getting increasingly less enthusiastic about his speech. He’d been sure to weave in as many derogatory words for “pony” that he could find. “kickstands”, “geldos”, “tugs”, and some other ones that didn’t resort to using swear words, he’d worked them all into his speeches to make them subtle but also in the best places so it was constantly being negative. Things like “those useless tugs” or “the damn kickstands” and other uses. Yet, for all his effort, neither the Hispanic woman who had to be Hengst’s pony wife in disguise, nor the ponified Hengst himself seemed to react, and unconsciously Fitzgerald kept looking right at the couple to try and see their reactions.
Finally, he reached the end of what he had to say. “Any questions?” he asked, disappointed in his failure to humiliate the Hengst couple. A single hoof shot up, to which he started to worry.
“Yes, ah, Lieutenant Hengst?”
Mike stood up on two hooves and looked Fitzgerald right in the eyes as he asked “so when are you going to cut the bullshit and admit this whole thing was your attempt to try and make my wife break down into tears?"
“Are you implying something here, Lieutenant?” countered Fitzgerald, his eyes narrowing. Inwardly, however, he was smiling: his words had finally found effect and here Hengst was, about to break a few articles of the UCMJ right in front of a ton of witnesses.
Almost instinctively, the rest of the people in the room began to move out of the way to give Mike and Fitzgerald room, as they didn’t want to get caught in the crossfire of a junior officer telling a flag officer off, or a flag officer dressing down an unruly subordinate officer. But DJ didn’t get out of the way, instead she remained firm and almost against her nature was trying to be the calm minded one.
“Mike, hon, don’t do this” she pleaded.
But there was no stopping Mike now. He’d gone through a whole weekend of bullshit and being non-human, and for this douchebag to keep insulting his wife for no reason in the most petty ways pushed him over the edge.
“DJ, I’m pretty sure my career with the NAV is done at this point simply because I showed up looking like this, and this dickweed in front of me is going to find some way to have me held back for promotion as a result.” Turning from his wife to face his new nemesis, Mike continued; “Don’t bother lying, General, all the evidence is in your little speech. Funny how you managed to make reference to every derogatory phrase for ponies with words like ‘damn’ and ‘useless’ in front of them. What, surprised I bothered to keep listening to your spiel the whole time instead of just zoning out like everybody else probably did? Considering how you kept looking at my wife and I increasingly to gauge a reaction, it was kind of hard NOT to notice!”
Fitzgerald’s fists began to turn white at the knuckles. “You can’t prove anything. As far as anybody here can tell, you’re just compensating for the fact you married a fucking ALIEN HORSE. And look where THAT got you, somewhere that isn’t the human race, horsefucker!”
“You think you’re so original by calling me that? Wow, did you time travel from the past or something? Because I’ve been called a horsefucker ever since I started dating DJ back when were were fifteen years old! In high school!
“And another thing; you think ponies are just useless? Then maybe do some research next time, chum! My wife happens to be a subspecies of pony whose natural train involves super strength. Hell, I’M that same kind of pony right now, and while I haven’t had the time nor interest to explore if I have the same levels of strength, I bet I could bench press your overpriced luxury car right now!”
“You think I give a damn about strength? Have you looked in a mirror lately? You gave up opposable thumbs to end up like this, which I’m betting is because you fucked that bitch you call a wife every chance you get!”
“And here we go once again with the whole ‘I married the alien horse freak’ routine. What, is there something wrong about me marrying somebody who is recognized by the U.S. Government, a.k.a. the organization that we as Sailors and Marines work for, as a full legal citizen and loves me just as deeply as I love her?”
“Yes, there IS something wrong! It’s actually kind of funny how you aren’t even human anymore, Lieutenant, because when you previously were you represented everything that is wrong with this whole fucking idea that we should treat kickstands as equals! Mark my words, Hengst, I’m going to boot both the fuzzy asses of you AND your wife out of the service!”
“I’m afraid that’s not going to happen, General” came a third voice, suddenly, as Cpt. Canby stepped forward and removed a badge case from his pocket. “Agent Warren Crosby, NCIS. General Fitzgerald, you’re under arrest for several violations of the Uniform Code of Military Justice.”
“The fuck is this?!” cried Fitzgerald, “What the hell have I done wrong here?”
“Do you need me to make a list?” answered Crosby, “First; you’ve been showing signs of discrimination against subordinates of both branches of the naval service for months. Second; you hold an informal meeting that all junior officers and their spouses are supposed to attend for the sole purpose of seeing who married what minority. Third: actively insulting a specific officer’s spouse and then that officer himself with as many racial slurs as you could remember; and fourth; threatening said officer in a hostile manner to terminate his service on purely supremacist reasons. I’m sure you’re also guilty of a handful of other things that we’ll find out about sooner or later.”
A woman, posing as Crosby’s wife but actually a fellow NCIS agent, then moved in and cuffed Fitzgerald, paying no attention to the words of damnation he was spewing towards the one interspecies couple in the room.
“Alright, people, show’s over, you can all go home now!” said Crosby, before sticking an arm in front of DJ and Mike. “Except you two, I need to talk to you for a moment.” Once the Blue Point was empty save for the married couple and the NCIS agent, Crosby spoke up again. “I’d like to both thank and apologize to both of you for helping in this little sting operation my team has been cooking up in secret, although I must admit you gave us quite a scare when we temporarily lost track of you yesterday, Lieutenant.”
Mike was starting to visibly sweat, as he knew why they’d lost track of him. “Look, Agent Crosby, you can probably figure out why I’d called in sick but didn’t go to the sick bay, but I-“
Crosby just raised his hand. “No need, I talked to some of your friends, a Mr. Bradshaw and Ms. Lovestruck, they explained everything. Don’t worry about any repercussions about your actions to hide your, erm, ‘current problem’, since we’ll record it in our files as part of what you did to volunteer in this operation, though I strongly recommend that you consult with your chain of command on what should be done should something like this ever happen again.”
Mike had the good grace to look embarrassed. “I...uh...never thought of that.”
“I’m sure you didn’t, Lieutenant - we’re all still getting used to the idea of magic being real, so who could picture something like that?” Crosby said with a smile, before producing something from his pocket. “Also, if you think that you may deal with further issues because of what happened here tonight, contact this number at the JAG Office. Cmdr. Raetia works with us on a lot of civil rights issues and I think would also be more than happy to assist both of you.“
“Wow, uh, thanks!” said a stunned DJ.
“Just doing my job, ma’am. General Fitzgerald, sadly, was just continuing one of the less savory things in our military’s history. Drumhead trials like these were thankfully outlawed once Colin Powell became Chairman of the Joint Chiefs back in the 80s, but it was too late for folks like my grandpa, who had been a promising Marine captain but fell afoul of senior officers like Fitzgerald who had an idea of what the services are ‘supposed’ to be like. The stories grandpa told me and my siblings.... Just despicable and nothing any service member should have to go through at all. Anyways, Agent Deveraux needs me to help process Fitzgerald, so you two take care now, alright?”
And with that, NCIS Agent Warren Crosby turned and left the Blue Point to close what had been a very strange case. Not too long after, a relieved Mike and DJ returned to their car, now sitting in a mostly empty lot, and headed for home.
242303UMAY37
“I swear, in the event that another one of these ‘meetings’ happen I’m going to insist that you let me stay human, so we can call the JAG and then I can deck whatever jerkass is running the thing in the face with my own two hands!” declared DJ as she walked into the dark house.
“I think you should refer to them as ‘hooves’ dear, since that way you sound more dangerous!” laughed Mike, closing the door behind him and setting the now standard accessory of the candy cane walking stick by the door.
“Good point, that will help rub it in that you don’t mess with a pony shaped human!” laughed DJ, alongside her husband.
Mike’s laughter soon died down, to which he then placed his forelegs around the midsection of his wife. “DJ, I know this weekend has been difficult, for me and especially for you having to deal with sides of me that you possibly haven’t ever had to deal with before. But regardless of what happens from here on out, if I turn back into a human in the next five minutes or I’m stuck like this forever, I just want to let you know how much more I understand what it’s like being you, and I don’t regret it.”
DJ turned around in her husband’s embrace and placed her hands on the sides of his head, kissing his forehead. “And you know I’ll always be here for you, love, as you always were for me. Now, can you let go? I feel like I need a shower.” Reluctantly, Mike let go of his wife as she retreated to the bathroom. He in turn went to the bedroom to see if there was anything in DJ’s clothes he could use as a set of pajamas.
Five minutes later, as DJ had stripped down to nothing and Mike had his pants down, both husband and wife noticed that they were suddenly glowing.
There was almost no time to react as they exploded with magic, only to quickly reform.
“Mike, Mike?!” cried DJ from the bathroom. The door slammed open, revealing not an attractive Hispanic woman, but instead a tan-furred pony with large violet eyes. “Mike, where are you?!”
A crash from the bedroom sent DJ into a panic, she automatically assumed four wheel drive as she quickly ran to check on her husband. She could have cried both tears of joy and laughter at what she found.
Gone was the white pony with navy blue and gold hair, and the Naval officer cutie mark. Instead, in very ill-fitting clothes with his feet caught in a pair of 50x30 pants was a hairless monkey trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
“Mike, you’re…you’re back to normal!” cried DJ as she glomped her restored husband, caring not that for the most part they were both naked.
Mike, however, managed to find a way to be disappointed. “Damn! Just when I finally figured out how to walk like you do, too!”
DJ just laughed with Mike joining in soon after, the human and pony restored to their original forms and showing affection to each other that was boosted by an understanding of each other’s lives most couples would never achieve.
