I have nothing witty to write here.
“We’re going to do it.”
“No we’re not.”
“Yes, we are.”
“But… we can’t!”
“But we will.”
“What if she finds out—finds us?”
“She won’t.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Have I ever been wrong before?”
“A—”
“Don’t answer that.”
“B—”
“Are you even listening to me?”
“Y—”
“Then stop interrupting me!”
“I—”
“He wants pictures, and we give him pictures. It’s what he paid us for, so it’s what we’re going to do. And the bonus off of the other pictures will buy us plenty of rounds at the bar tonight. Understand?”
“...”
“What did I say about not answering me when I ask you a question?”
“...Sorry.”
“Quiet now, she’s coming. And remember, only the best.”
“Understood….”
“Shh!”
“...”
“I’m never going to leave the house again.” Fluttershy was huddled in a ball and sitting on her couch. In front of her was a Playcolt magazine. A Playcolt magazine that happened to feature an unquestionably racy picture of her from behind on the cover. In the picture, her legs were spread slightly and her tail was angled to the side. Everything that she had was showcased for all to see. And the worst part was that the background consisted of the inside of her own house.
Opening the magazine, she found that an entire section had been devoted to her. Pictures of her showering, sleeping, and generally exposed to the camera were everywhere.
She could already imagine the colts—staring at her, looking at her, drooling over her, doing… things with their… things while looking at her. “Why did this have to happen to me,” she moaned, closing her eyes and burying her face in her hooves.
“I don’t know. But that’s why we’re here,” said Twilight sympathetically. “I got this in the mail today—not because I ordered it—well, actually I did order it—but not because I was going to read it! I got it because—”
Rarity coughed discreetly.
“Oh right, what I was saying was that we’re going to help you through this,” she finished.
“Yup!”
“Un-huh.”
“Of course.”
“You betcha!”
“You can’t help me, nopony can….” murmured Fluttershy. “I won’t ever be able to show my face to another pony ever again!”
“It’s not bad,” interjected Dash, looking at the picture. “I mean, the fact that it happened, not the picture. So what if your personal privacy was completely violated by some photographer who snuck in your house? Actually, that does sound kinda bad when you say it out loud….”
“Not helping,” Applejack muttered out of the side of her mouth, swatting at her as she hovered over their heads.
“We are going to find this hooligan and teach him some manners,” said Rarity, “but in the mean time you simply can’t let this stop you from living your life.”
“Yeah! We should have a ‘Hey, Somepony Sneaked in Your House While You Weren't Looking and Took Pictures of You and then Sold Them to the Playcolt Magazine Company!’ party to help you cope! We can invite the whole town, and we’ll all have a biiiiiiiiiiiiiig laugh over it because you somehow didn’t hear them the entire time they were in your house! And we’ll have games, food, drinks, and copies of the magazine as party favors!” Pinkie smiled encouragingly.
“Yeah… come ta think of it… how didn’t ya hear them?” asked Applejack, completely ignoring Pinkie. “Ah mean, they were in your house, an’ pretty close ta you too, if these pictures are any judge.”
Fluttershy started wringing her hooves and rocking back and forth as she responded. “I don’t know,” she mumbled. “I don’t know.”
“Or one of your animals for that matter,” Rarity said, humming thoughtfully.
“Well, if the photographer was a unicorn, then he might have cast a spell on himself,” Twilight muttered. “There are some spells out there that can give the illusion of invisibility. One in particular that I know of is really easy to perform; it tricks a pony’s mind into not recognizing anything out of the ordinary. I’ve found that it works quite well; one can practically walk right up to other ponies without them knowing, even in their own houses.”
“Pray tell, how would you know how well it works?” Rarity asked, looking over at Twilight with a raised eyebrow.
Shifting her wings, Twilight looked away quickly and didn’t respond.
“Aaaaaaaaaanyway, are we gonna go after this guy or not?” Dash asked, punching the air.
“Yeah! He needs to learn how to respect ponies’ privacy! Even I know that,” said Pinkie, bouncing in place slightly.
“You gonna be fine if we leave you here?” asked Applejack, placing her forehoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder.
“Fine,” squeaked Fluttershy, still staring at the magazine. “Fine, fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“If you say so, sugarcube.”
“All right, girls, let’s go catch us a bad pony!” said Twilight, galloping out the door.
“Yeah, nopony should be mean to Fluttershy!” shouted Pinkie, following her.
The rest of Fluttershy’s friends left with a cheer, and Rarity firmly closed the door behind her.
The magazine was still laying on the table, drawing in her attention.
“...Not fine. Not fine at all,” she moaned. Angel hopped into her lap and offered her a hug. She quickly snatched him up in her forelegs and hugged him tightly. Closing her eyes, she did her best to not think about the horrible, horrible images in the magazine. “What do I do now, Angel?”
Pushing against her, Angel signaled that he wanted to be released. After being freed from her grasp, he quickly hopped away into her kitchen, and he returned seconds later with a piece of paper in his paw.
“What’s this?” Fluttershy asked, reaching down and plucking the paper out of his paw. Upon seeing the what was on the paper, her pupils shrunk down to pinpricks. “Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no! I couldn’t possibly do this!” she protested.
Angel nodded and rubbed his stomach.
“But…” she said, struggling to find an excuse.
Tapping his foot impatiently, he pointed to his mouth.
“I know it’s shopping day, but we can just pass for today… right?” She smiled hopefully and widened her eyes.
Angel’s glare intensified.
“Please?” Her ears wilted, but her smile became wider and her eyes sadder.
The effect was lost on the cold, heartless being known as Angel. Frowning, he crossed his forelegs and pointed to the door with his ear.
Her adorableness reached critical levels; ears flat against her head, tears forming in each eye, lower lip trembling, wings sagging, she whimpered,“B-but do I have t-to go outside? We have loads of birdseed that we... can... eat?...”
Angel shook his head once, still impervious to her begging.
“What if a pony sees me?” she whispered, getting down on her knees in front of the bunny. “I can’t let a pony see me!”
Angel shrugged.
“What do you mean?”
Angel made a complex series of movements including, but not limited to: licking the floor, jumping in place, completing three cartwheels, doing push-ups, stroking his ear, and running in place.
“...Could you repeat that last bit please?” she asked.
Angel rolled his eyes and fluttered his paws around in an imitation of a butterfly.
“Oh…” murmured Fluttershy. “I mean, if that’s how you feel about it….”
Angel nodded.
“Okay.” Fluttershy’s expression hardened, and she stood up. “I can do this. I can go shopping. No pony will even look at me twice. I mean, how many colts could have seen the magazine, right?”
Pointing towards the door, Angel nodded and smiled.
“I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this,” she chanted under her breath, making her way towards the door. “I did it!” she squeaked, standing on her porch. Staring out at bright, sunny day, she imagined all of the ponies who would be out enjoying it. She started shivering. “I can’t do it!” she wailed quietly. Turning around, she was met with the sight of her closed door. “Angel? Can you let me in please?”
The door opened just enough for her saddlebag to be thrown out, and then it was closed again, just as quickly as it had been opened.
“Is that a no?” she asked, staring at the door hopefully
The door stayed firmly shut.
“Okay, Fluttershy, you can do this.” She slowly stood up and reluctantly put her saddlebag on her back. “Just a bit of shopping, nothing to be afraid of. Just put one hoof in front of the other, and it will soon be over.”
As she began her long walk into town, she closed her eyes and began to relax by letting the sounds of nature wash over her: the quiet chirping of the songbirds, the soft wind rustling through the trees, the sound of squirrels enjoying themselves, the rapid wing beats of a pony closing in on her from behind….
“Hmmm?” Fluttershy looked over her shoulder to see a light blue streak come in for a landing next to her.
The stallion brushed his dark blue mane out of his eyes and flashed her a dazzling smile. “How much?”
“Ummmm... what?” Fluttershy looked to her left; she looked to her right. “A-are you talking to me?” she asked hesitantly.
The pony who she now recognized as Soarin the Wonderbolt nodded. “How much?” he asked again. “You’re going to need some extra equipment, so you can charge a bit extra if you like. Leash, collar, chains, muzzle…” he said, trailing off as he saw no hint of understanding on her face.
“I’m sorry, but I think you have the wrong mare….” she murmured, scratching the back of her head with her foreleg.
“Hmmmm… really? If you say so; you look like her, though,” he insisted, rubbing the bottom of his chin with his hoof.
“If you’ll excuse me, I really do have to be going now,” she said, turning around. Continuing along the path, she felt his gaze burn into the back of her head; she walked faster until she was out of sight.
“Hmmmmm…” Soarin hummed thoughtfully, “I swear that that was the same mare as in the magazine…”
Fluttershy arrived at the edge of town moments later. Taking a deep breath, she walked slowly walked towards the market. She was acutely aware that everypony turned their attention toward her as she walked past. It seemed like every stallion focused his gaze on her, and she wilted under the combined weight of their stares.
Lower and lower she crouched, eventually she was slinking along the ground, her coat mere millimeters off of the ground.
One of the stallions—a rather handsome one with a dusty gray coat and a light blue mane—walked up to her and stopped right in front of her, blocking her path. “How much do you charge?” he asked, casting his shadow over her.
“C-charge for what?” she asked.
“You know…” he said, wiggling his eyebrows, “the advertisement in the magazine.”
“Ummmm, no, no I don’t. If you’ll please excuse me, I have some errands to run.” She carefully slunk her way around him and scampered off towards her the first store.
“Hmmmm…” he muttered. “I thought that… hmmmmm...”
Stopping in front of her first errand, she slowly stood up and met the gaze of the clerk.
“C-c-can I have t-ten carrots please?” she stuttered.
He slowly smiled, showing off his teeth. “How about a trade, instead?” he asked. “I’ll give you some carrots for your services.”
“W-what services are you talking about?” she asked slowly.
“You know the ones advertised on the cover of the magazine,” he said, still smiling.
“I’m s-sorry, but you have the wrong mare; I’m not on any magaz…” Oh no...
“No, it’s definitely you,” he said, looking her over. “You are the same mare that I saw on the cover of that magazine.”
Fluttershy’s pupils shrunk down to non-existent specks of nothing as the implications set in. Now she knew exactly what everypony wanted from her.
“Now, if you’ll come with me into my tent, we can get this all sorted out.” He motioned to the small, intimate tent behind him. “I have product; you have services. I have need; you have need. I’m sure we can work something out.”
Fluttershy’s mouth fell open. “I’m-I’m going, please excuse me.”
“But I really need your help!” insisted the stallion.
“Oh, no-no I couldn’t possib—”
“Please? My marefriend is out, and the little guy really needs some attention,” he implored.
Her face immediately turning red, she turned around and started running.
“Is that a yes?” he called after her.
“Ahhhhhhhhh!” she screamed in reply, closing her eyes. Fluttershy ran, faster than she had ever run before. Until she ran into something. “Eep!” she cried, falling on her rump. Slowly looking up, she saw a brown stallion with a spiky mane of an even darker brown. “Are you all right there, Missy?” he asked with somewhat unfamiliar accent, concern showing in his vibrant blue eyes.
“I’m okay,” she groaned, shying away from the hoof that was offered to her; she stood up and rubbed her head carefully.
“I’ll say, I do believe I saw you on the cover of my magazine this morning!” he exclaimed, taking a step forward.
“No-no-no-no-no-no!” she shouted, backing up; the red glow of her blush flared even brighter. “Not me!”
“I happen to need your advise on something,” he insisted, stepping closer.
“What?” she asked almost silently, crouching low and hiding her face from him with her forelegs and mane.
“You see, I’m looking for a certain toy; and after seeing you in the magazine, I know you’re the mare to help me. Something long, thick, and hard would be optimal because I don’t know exactly what she likes, but I’m sure that whatever you use will be—”
“Nooooooooo!” screamed Fluttershy, spontaneously flying straight up.
“What? What?” asked the stallion. “No really. What.”
Landing on the library’s balcony, she let out a relieved sigh. She walked over to the door and gently tapped on the glass. “Twilight? Twiiiiiiilight!”
“I’m coming, I’m coming!” called a scratchy voice. Spike walked into view a second later. He unlocked the door and opened it. “Oh, hey, Fluttershy.”
“Please, Spike, I need you to go and get Twilight. Tell her it’s urgent,” she gasped breathlessly.
“Just missed her, the girls all went to Rarity’s before they left for… Canterlot, I think. Are you all right?” he asked.
“No, I’m not all right!” she choked, struggling to keep the tears from flowing down her cheeks.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, stepping closer.
“Did-did you see the magazine?” she asked, taking a step backward.
“Which one?” he asked. “I only read the most stallionly of magazines.”
“T-t-the one with me on the cover.” She winced as soon as she finished speaking.
“Oh, that magazine. Of course I have! All the cool stallions read that one! And great picture by the way; they really got your best side! I—”
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!” she screamed, jumping over the railing. She glided down into the mass of ponies and ran towards Rarity’s house. Carefully weaving her way through the crowd, she ended up at the door to Carousel Boutique within minutes. “Rarity!” she cried, pounding on the door urgently. “Twilight? Help!”
There was no answer.
Harder and harder she knocked, eventually reaching a point where the knocking reached audible levels.
“Ummm… excuse me? Miss Fluttershy?” asked a voice from behind her.
Fluttershy jumped straight up in the air and gently hovered back to earth, turning in the air. “Y-yes?” she asked upon landing. “Who are you, and ummm... where are you?...”
“Down here!” cried the foal, waving his brown hoof to get her attention. Fluttershy looked down to see a young colt with a brown coat, two tone orange mane, and a curious propeller hat on his head. “Hiya, I’m Button Mash!”
“Hello, Button Mash, do you need something?” asked Fluttershy, smiling down at the colt.
“Yeah! I saw you on the cover of this magazine and I need your help! Me and my buddy Rumble have this problem and my Mom said you would help us! She said that the three of us would have a great time together!”
Fluttershy’s face lost all of its color.
Button looked over his shoulder. “I don’t know where he is, but he should be here any minute!” But when he turned around again, Fluttershy was gone! “Hello?” he called. “Hello! Miss Fluttershy?” Shrugging to himself, he turned around and walked away. “Miss Fluttershy? Miss Flutterrrrrrrshhhhhy!’
“Even the little colts have seen those pictures?” whispered Fluttershy, blushing profusely and hugging her legs to her chest. She had narrowly avoided Button’s gaze when he turned back around; she was now laying on her side on the roof of the Boutique, panting heavily. “Now what do I do?” she wailed quietly.
“Hmmm? Fluttershy? What’tch ya’ll doing up there?” called a deep voice from below her.
Fluttershy peeked her up and over the edge of the roof; she brushed her mane out of her eyes and looked down to see a large red stallion looking up at her. “Eep!” she squeaked, covering her face. “Don’t look at me! Go away! I mean… please...”
Big Mac shifted the stalk of hay from the right side of his mouth to the left. “Are you feeling all right?”
“I’m fine, just please go away,” she asked.
“If you say so,” said Big Mac. “But ya don’t sound fine ta me.”
“I’m fine, absolutely fine, completely fine,” she said, still hiding her face.
“Hmmmm,” grunted Bag Mac. “Then maybe you could come down here an help me with somethin’?”
You can do this, it’s just Big Mac. He has always been nothing but nice to you. You can trust him, right? And besides, Big Mac wouldn’t stoop so low as to read that horrid magazine. He has always been the perfect gentlestallion to any and every mare. And—
Big Mac cleared his throat. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
Fluttershy took three deep breaths and then slowly rolled to her hooves. Taking to the sky, she landed in front of Big Mac a second later. “And ummmm, what do you need my help with exactly?” she asked, hoping that her blush wasn’t too visible.
“...Are ya sure ya don’t have a fever… or somethin’?” he asked, looking at her strangely.
“I’m fine,” she said, offering a strained smile.
“Well anyways, I’ve got this problem that I need your help with. Ah saw you on the magazine an’ figured you would be the best mare for the job, since my sister is out doin’ who knows what. An’ Applebloom refuses ta help me, something 'bout needing ta be bigger first... Anyway, ah need you ta come and help me with a problem of mine. It’s about as long and wide as your leg, so if it won’t fit inside you—”
“I can’t take it anymore!” screamed Fluttershy, barely reaching the volume where it was actually above a normal pony’s speaking voice. Turning around, started running home as fast as her hooves could take her.
“Nope, not feeling all right.”
“Fluttershy? Fluttershy? Can you open up, please?” called Twilight, knocking on her door.
“...”
“If you don’t open the door, we’re coming in,” she called, lighting up her horn and readying a spell.
“...”
Casting the spell, she unlocked the door from the outside. Inside the house, the six ponies found that all the lights were off, the curtains were closed, and not a creature was in sight.
“Fluttershy?” yelled Twilight, as the other ponies followed her inside. A soft voice sounded from upstairs, prompting the ponies to walk hurriedly up the stairs to Fluttershy’s bedroom.
“I’m a good pony. I’m a good pony. I’m a good pony,” chanted a soft voice from underneath the covers of Fluttershy’s bed.
“Are ya all right, sugarcube?” asked Applejack, stepping closer.
“No, no I’m not all right,” she said, staying hidden in her covers. “Everypony in the entire town has seen the pictures—even the little colts!—and now they think I’m a… a… a...” Unable to finish her sentence, she dissolved into tears.
“A what, darling?” asked Rarity.
“A… a… a… d-d-dirty whore!” she finally sobbed, barely getting the words out.
The seventh pony in the room looked decidedly awkward as Fluttershy’s friends stared at him. Giving a nervous chuckle and flicking his ear, he slowly walked over to stand beside the bed. Looking over his shoulder, he saw that the mares didn’t seem pleased with him; they were giving him looks of varying disapproval, ranging from smacking one hoof into the other to having a decidedly mean sneer. He cleared his throat and began. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that, Miss Fluttershy. That was not my intention at all.”
“Who’s—there?” she choked out through her tears.
“A stallion who is very sorry for all the trouble he has caused.”
“What… do you mean?” she asked, still completely buried under the covers.
“I commissioned a team of two photographers to take a few simple, perfectly respectable pictures of you—quite lovely even, but they went far above and beyond what I had asked of them.”
“W-why did you need pictures of me in the first place?” she asked hesitantly, wanting to peek out of the covers, but at the same time not wanting to be seen.
“I wanted your good graces,” answered the stallion. “I simply wanted to do something nice for you.”
“How is getting me featured on the cover of Playcolt a nice thing?” she shouted, throwing the covers off of her.
The smartly dressed white unicorn stallion with a stylish blue mane and a rather distinguished moustache didn’t respond immediately; actually, everything about him projected an aura of nobility. From the way he stood to his perfect mane, he seemed out of place in her rather rustic cottage.
“Explain that to me Mister… whatever your name is!” she yelled, wings flaring.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Let me start from the beginning…” he began slowly, opening his eyes. “Ever since I saw you the first time at the Grand Galloping Gala, I was completely enamoured with your beauty. Well… minus the whole yelling incident. But I didn’t really work up the nerve to say anything to you until recently— also due in part to the yelling incident. I still don’t have the nerve, but your friends are quite the persuaders.”
At this statement, Pinkie smiled a large, completely sincere smile.
“Anyway, I thought that I could surprise you by advertising your animal sitting and caring business on the cover of my very popular magazine. And then, after you had been sufficiently wondered where you had gotten all of this attention from, I would step in, take credit, and offer to take you out to dinner—”
“You know, darling, that’s not the most sound of ideas. Wouldn’t she be too busy with all of her new pet-sitting obligation to go on a date with you?” asked Rarity, tapping her hoof against her chin thoughtfully.
“...And take you out to dinner,” he continued, wincing slightly. “Hopefully starting a courtship.”
“A-as in, like, dating?” squeaked Fluttershy, ears wilting and wings quickly folding closed.
“Yes.”
“That still doesn’t quite explain how the Playcolt company got those pictures,” insisted Twilight.
“Yes, I suspected that something fishy had happened when I found one of those degrading pictures in the envelope that the photographers had given me. I have already pressed charges and had all copies of the offending magazine destroyed—bar one. According to the company, the photographers told them that you gave consent, so they went ahead and began the printing process. The good news is that they immediately believed me when I insisted you hadn’t approved; the photographers already had a nasty reputation, and this was the last straw. That and the fact that they didn’t have your signature. They had only shipped the first magazine when I got there, so there is only one magazine in circulation, which I assume is the one you got. He said something about the first edition always going to a really… how shall I say it… impatient mare.” Fancy Pants stopped to breath and smiled tentatively.
Blushing heavily, Twilight pointedly looked at her hooves.
“Ummmm…” Fluttershy mumbled.
“So, will you let me take you out to dinner to apologize for this whole affair that could have simply been avoided by me coming over here and talking to you face to face?” asked Fancy Pants hopefully.
“Ummmm… no.” Fluttershy turned her head away and frowned.
“But… It was an accident!”
“She said no,” said Dash, landing in between Fluttershy and Fancy Pants. “Now scram.”
“But… I… understand. You have my deepest, sincerest apologies, Miss Fluttershy; if there is anything that you would have me do to express that further, please stop by.” The stallion bowed low to Fluttershy then slowly walked out of the room.
“I’ll make sure he makes it outside,” said Twilight, following him out of the room.
As soon as Twilight walked out of the room and rounded the corner, Fluttershy collapsed onto her pillow.
“Are you all right, darling?” asked Rarity, as the four ponies rushed to her bedside.
“I’ve just had a very busy day… and I’m ready for bed now,” Fluttershy moaned.
Rainbow turned off the lights as Rarity levitated the covers up to her chin. “You’ll have to tell us all about it tomorrow…”
“Yeah! We can have a: ‘Yay! Your Privacy Wasn’t Completely Violated! (But Still Slightly Violated Because the Photographers Saw You and so Did the Magazine's Editors and Fancy Pants Too, He Even Admitted It! But At Least Nopony That You Know Besides Us [and Fancy Pants] Saw You Exposed, but We Already Did Ages Ago so It Doesn’t Matter [Though, It Matters a Little With Fancy Pants Because He’s a Stallion.]!) I better start working on the banner because it’ll probably take me a few—”
In order to speak, Applejack put her hoof in Pinkie’s mouth. “Need anything before we go?” she asked, dragging Pinkie towards the door.
“No thank you,” whispered Fluttershy, already nodding off. Her last thought before falling asleep was: You know… he’s actually kinda cute…
Fluttershy woke up some time later to the feeling of a pony breathing on her neck. Her fur moved in response to the gentle puffs of air, sending slight chills up and down her spine. Careful rolling over in bed, she faced the other pony in the bed, bumping into him slightly.
“Hmmmm?” he moaned. “Hiahwaza? Ever-every-ing...right?”
Fluttershy nodded and nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck. “It was just a dream.”
He wrapped his forelegs around her and pulled her up against him, enclosing her in his warm embrace beneath the covers. “Which on’?” he asked.
“The day you finally introduced yourself,” she hummed.
Fancy Pants’ sleep-clogged brain took a moment to process the words that had come out of her mouth. “Was the dream me just as dumb as the real me?”
“Pretty much.”
He groaned.
“He wasn’t as cute as you are, though,” she giggled, kissing his nose.
He let out a long sigh. “You never did tell me exactly what everypony said to you that you took the wrong way.”
“It doesn’t matter now,” she replied. “I was silly, you were silly, that’s all that matters.”
“I still wouldn’t mind knowing.”
“Maybe tomorrow.”
“Goodnight, dear,” he groaned exasperatingly, his small smile betraying him.
“‘Night, honey.”
Author's Note
And so concludes a story that started off as a writing prompt. The word was "Honesty". I made this.
I get sidetracked easily.
Edit 1/21/14: Apparently, I didn't do as good of a job explaining the punchline as I thought. Oops.
"There's a lot of that going around. There's a punchline (everyone EXCEPT Fluttershy and her friends only saw the wildlife magazine with the pet care service ad), it's just that it's clumsy and mishandled."
--MythrilMoth's comment.
However, Skeeter The Lurker pointed out exactly what I was going for--
"...Missed the point.
Simply put: the author was banking on the reader to see one thing, then go back, see what was REALLY said.
Or, in the case pointed out, fill in with one thing, then realize what really would have been said.
~Skeeter The Lurker"
