Wildlife

“Dear Diary,

August 3rd

I guess everyone wants to know why I’m so upset, but I don’t even know why, I never have. I think that’s why I get so angry, because I don’t know what the problem is, I never have, I just feel empty. Maybe that’s how I was made; maybe I should ask the princesses about that. But they wouldn’t know would they. No one knows, and no one knows me!

Not anymore, not since everyone left at least. Some people want to be my friends though, or they claim to, Ink-Blot did. So did Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara. They claimed they had grown up, there petty flaws were done, and they had time now. But they just were in love with the problems, they just wanted to fix me.

It was the same way with Feather Weight now that I think about it. He loved me when the problems were new, when his pills and fingers could take them away, he wanted to be a god in that sense I guess. He wanted to be the absolute fix.

I gave up on thinking I was fixable long ago. I don’t try to be anything different anymore I let the yelling happen when I need too, I let myself sit up here and cry. I don’t think I want to be fixed all the time, but I’m not sure. I know I should be looking for things that bring me happiness, new friends really, but when I tried to fix myself it never worked.

I think it never worked because I don’t want to forget my past and my friends, and I don’t want to purge the feelings because I feel like I need them, without them I would be an emotionless drone. I don’t know though. I don’t know much anymore.

I wish Rarity would leave me alone, and her friends. They keep trying to fix me, and they have to stop. So do Scootaloo and Apple bloom. They came back for a little bit to visit, and they tried to help. “Sweetie” they said and I turned myself off, I made myself the emotionless drone.

And when Twilight PRINCESS PRINCESS PRINCESS told me there were ways through this, I just had to find something to keep me busy and active and find a way to move on, I got angry. I told her to stop telling me what was wrong with me. Maybe I wasn't telling her maybe I was yelling, I told her to leave me alone.

“Sweetie Bell, you know science is so advanced, you know if you took your medicine you would feel better.” The princess accused me of this, of not taking my medicine, of course i was taking it, and how advanced then was science.

Everyone just wanted to fix my problems and I don’t want them to do that. That’s not there job that never was her job, and there is no write for that.

“Sweetie Bell, if you took you’re medicine, and maybe went and saw some of those specialists in Canterlot things would get a lot brighter. I know your still upset about what happened with Feather Weight, but I think you outta consider it okay?”

These weren’t Twilight's words, not for the most part, most of them seemed borrowed from Rarity, I heard it all before. It told me that the princess was just doing Rarity about it.

“Are you embarrassed about what happened with Feather Weight.” I scoffed, “Rarity told you to do this” I said. “Yeah, I’m embarrassed, but not as much as she is.”

In a show of sacrilegious emotions the last things I said to the princess was, “go away.” No yelling no nothing. I didn’t need to yell anymore, I just needed to get her away from me. “