Fluttershy Becomes a Gangster
It was a bright, sunny day. Rainbow Dash was walking down the street, thinking about whatever it is she thinks about. She really didn't know where she was going, only stopping when she bumped into a familiar shy woman. However, instead of saying she was sorry, the woman turned and drew a gold-plated Beretta M9 pistol, held sideways in the stereotypical gangsta manner (even though that makes your aim worse).
"Yo! Rainbow Bitch, why you in my way?"
Fluttershy chuckled at her nickname for Rainbow.
"Um, Fluttershy? Are you okay?"
"Am I okay? Yeah, I be okay. But you gonna be filled with holes if you don't get outta my way!"
Rainbow quickly moved over, giving the new gangsta the right of way. Something was definitely wrong. Very, very wrong.
"Fluttershy... is a total bitch now!"
The next day, Fluttershy rode into town not in her mid-sized car but in her and her crews' bright red Mustang convertible. Rainbow Dash stood watching in awe as Fluttershy pulled the Beretta out and opened fire on an abandoned building across the street. Immediately, a rival gang spewed out, golden Uzis in hand. The rival gang unleashed a rapid fire of SMG bullets, while Fluttershy's gang hid behind their ride. Fluttershy opened a small compartment on the side, revealing five gold-plated AK-47s. Throwing one to each of her crew, they made short work of the rival gang.
Fluttershy declared, "That was a good hit."
Then Fluttershy and her crew hopped into the bar and drove off before the cops came.
Rainbow stood in awe as-
Wait! Wait! Woah woah woah! Shut this all down! All of this! We agreed on a gangster fic!
Well sir, we did write one.
No you didn't! You made Fluttershy into a modern day gangster!
But that's what you wanted!
No! The damn idea for this came from a fucking Al Capone quote*! Make her into a thirties gangster! Now! A mafia member! A mobster! Like motherfucking Al Capone! The most famous fucking gangster there is!
Well, let's start over, shall we?
It was a bright, sunny day. Rainbow Dash was walking down the street, thinking about whatever it is she thinks about. She really didn't know where she was going, only stopping when she bumped into a familiar shy woman.
But, instead of saying sorry, the woman turned and said, "Hey ya bearcat! Watch where ya're walking, see? Don't be such a wet carpet, can't ya see the bank's closed? Now scram before ya cause any trouble. You don't want no funny business, do ya?"
"No ma'am! I was just leaving!"
"Good! Can't have ya in the way when I go to bump off the big cheese of the bulls after us."
Fluttershy turned and slowly walked back to her old Rolls Royce Sedan.
The next day, Rainbow was in the market place, when suddenly some cops shut down a bar nearby. Suddenly, the squealing of tires filled the air as Fluttershy's Sedan braked suddenly and stopped. All of the gangsters dressed in pinstripe suits and fedoras got out and grabbed their Tommy Guns.
"All right gents. Don't hit any birds. We're here for the bulls, see? Make sure ya don't destroy the joint too much.
The men nodded and opened fire on the bar. Police ran out, only to be met with a hail of SMG bullets. One cop jumped behind a police van and pulled out a PPSh-41 and firing back at the gangsters. Fluttershy ducked behind cover with the rest of her gang.
"Alright. We've got a bull with a fast heater out there. Let's bump him off and get to our speakeasy so we can get that secret bootleg, see?"
Fluttershy and her mob entered the bar.
The bartender said, "Ya here for the bootleg?
Fluttershy said, "Yeah. Just don't try any funny business. We got torpedoes all over the place. Ya don't want to end up in a Chicago overcoat, do ya? Just watch ya conk and get us the bootleg, see?"
Fluttershy unholstered her Colt 1911 and pointed it directly at the bartender.
The bartender frantically fumbled around, knocking over bottles before he opened a secret door next to the door.
"It's in there, gents."
"Thanks, ya been real kind. Here, take a century."
Fluttershy placed a one-hundred dollar bill on the bar.
The mob left the bar and went back to their car.
Suddenly, a cop jumped in front of them and arrested them! Dun dun dunnnn...
Fluttershy was admitted to Alcatraz Prison on June 28, 1002 ABL (After Banishment of Luna). Her new designation was Prisoner B6942. She was locked up in her cell, ready for a night of boredom.
No! Stop this one too! You just sent our main character to prison!
But that's what happened to gangsters in the thirties.
I didn't want her to go to prison!
But sir, she's a nineteen thirties gangster like you wanted!
I changed my mind! Make her part of the Yakuza!
Um, we don't know anything about the Yakuza.
Then the Russian Mafia!
Can't do that.
Hells Angels?
Nope.
18th Street Gang?
No.
Bloods?
No. We can't do any organized crime groups.
Westboro Baptist Church?
The people out there would kill us. Besides, Fluttershy would never be part of the Westboro Baptist Church.
Well, we need something to make this story edgy and offensive!
How about the Bronies?
Bronies? It will never catch on.
How about the Illuminati?
Do you really think anyone would buy that?
I don't know. The Illuminati are everywhere.
No they aren't! They're just a myth! Just a load of-
This story has been shut down by the Illuminati. Sorry for any problems that arise.
Author's Note
*Inspired by the quote: "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone,but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me."
Fluttershy Becomes a Gangster
So, the Illuminati shut down the story.
Yes sir. I told you they were real.
Well, maybe we'll have to change Fluttershy again. Now, what's a good organization that we can use...
Sir, what about Fluttershy as a crazy depraved bisexual who tried to seduce everyone she comes across?
That has potential, let's roll with it.
It was a bright, sunny day. Rainbow Dash was walking down the street, thinking about whatever it is she thinks about. She really didn't know where she was going, only stopping when she bumped into a familiar shy woman, her friend Fluttershy. Fluttershy rounded on Rainbow as quick as possible and pressed her lips to Rainbow's. Rainbow pulled away and backed up.
"Um, Fluttershy? What are you doing?"
"I want you Dashie."
"Okay, Fluttershy, you're very out of character. Besides, isn't this story about gangsters?"
Silence rainbow one!
"And what the Hell was that?"
"All I heard was your sexy voice."
Fluttershy lunged at Rainbow, but Rainbow was faster. She jumped in the air and flew all the way to Twilight's library.
Um sir, Twilight doesn't have a library anymore. It was destroyed.
Well, it's undestroyed.
Sir, that's not a word.
Then make it a word!
Fluttershy was hot on Rainbow's trail though, but before Fluttershy went in for the kill, or in this case, the kiss, she was distracted by her friend Rarity.
"Oh Rarity!"
Fluttershy pounced on Rarity, kissing her aggressively.
"Fluttershy darling, might I ask you something?"
"Of course." Fluttershy smiled.
"What the FUCK are you doing?"
"I'm just making out with the hottest woman around!"
"But why?"
"Because I'm bisexual, and that's all we bisexuals do.*"
Fluttershy was soon distracted by Big Macintosh, who was walking by, pretending not to notice what Fluttershy was doing.
"Hey Big Mac. There a reason they call you that?"
"Ah reckon it's 'cause Ah'm the largest member of the family."
Fluttershy planted a kiss on Big Macs lips before being carted off by Twilight, who had just arrived on scene.
"Fluttershy, may I have a word with you?"
"Of course you sexy beast."
"Okay, well, you see, I've noticed you've been... different. One day you were a modern gangster, and then the next you're acting like Al Capone! What seems to be the issue?"
"Oh dearest Twilight, I thought you would have guessed by now!" Fluttershy spoke, but not in her normal voice. Her new voice was much more masculine, and booming. In fact, she sounded a lot like...
"Discord! You were behind this!"
Discord chuckled, "Yes of course. Who else could have caused this? Don't worry, those people she killed weren't real. No one will remember this after tonight."
"What happens tonight?"
"Well, you know how Fluttershy has been hitting on everyone?"
"Yes?"
"Well, let's just say that tonight, she is successful with at least one person. Oh, and that person happens to be a librarian. Ta-ta!"
And with that, Discord vanished. Twilight was gaping. She tried taking in the fact that Fluttershy would successfully sleep with a librarian that night. And she was mad it wasn't her.
Sir, why is Twilight wanting to sleep with Fluttershy?
Have you seen the fan art of those two? It's so cute!
Sir, since when did you find things cute/?
Since I was replaced by Discord.
Wait what?
Ta-ta!
Author's Note
*I happen to be bisexual myself, therefore it is not offensive, as I am parodying the stereotype that gets associated with bisexuality.
