Some days I worry about my animals and my home. I worry about the weather or the seasons. Sometimes I worry about where my friends are and how they’re getting along, and I worry about my own life and what I’m going to do with it. But then there’s some days where I somehow manage to forget all my worries. I simply enjoy another beautiful day with nothing to do and nothing to weigh down my thoughts. It looks like today is going to be one of those days.
A sigh of contentment drifts out from between my lips as the beautiful fall colors saturate my vision. Mother Nature herself seems to be at peace, presenting me with a serene, vibrant landscape, and responds to my breath with a crisp breeze of her own. The cool air doesn’t bother me, since even in old age pegasi are naturally resilient to the cold. I wouldn’t be out here if that wasn’t the case. I’d be too worried that my companion would be getting chilly. Luckily, she’s a pegasus too, and I know she’s tough enough to handle a lot more than a cool breeze, even after all these years.
I allow my thoughts to be caught up in the wind and feel them carried off in the direction of my companion, and soon I find them lost inside her gently wafting rainbow mane. My eyes descend from there and travel down her form, taking in her laid-back, wrinkly smile, and her slightly greying feathers, and arrive at her cyan hoof, which rests easily upon the ground. When we were young I couldn't have imagined that hoof keeping still for so long. In fact, I wouldn’t have been able to picture it even staying on the ground for this long. She’d be up in the sky showing me all sorts of delightful, wonderful tricks she’d been practicing. I would have been down here watching in awe, more than happy to spend my whole day on the ground. Just watching her was enough.
Little did I know, she didn’t have to be flying for me to enjoy watching her. No, all that mattered was that we were together. It’s a good thing, too. Otherwise I don’t know how we would have lasted this long.
Over the years, as we grew old together, Rainbow started to, well… calm down, I suppose. Once she retired from her position as Captain of the Wonderbolts, she didn’t spend as much time in the sky. It was probably because of her age, but I like to think that it was so she could spend more personal time with me.
Pegasi’s wings give out at a certain age for everypony. Whether it’s sooner or later depends on how much the pony used them. If they have wings strengthened by years of constant practice and conditioning, like Rainbow’s, then they’ll last for quite a while, whereas mine went pretty early. It wasn’t a big loss for me, as I’d always preferred the ground anyway, but I know my companion was more upset about it than she ever let on. Flying had been her whole life, and one day she realized she just couldn’t do it anymore. Of course she tried to spare my feelings and act like it was no big deal, but I know that it practically killed her.
Things have never been quite the same since, but then again, that’s the beauty of old age. As you start to slow down, you realize that you have more time than ever before, and you have nothing to do with it other than adjust to your decelerated lifestyle. I always knew retirement would suit me, but I never expected my companion to settle in as much as she did. I really am proud of her. She’s taken up reading, and I don’t just mean Daring Do. She actually reads other books now! She’s even started writing recently. She hasn’t shown me anything she’s written yet, and I’m certainly not going to push the issue, but I hope someday soon she’ll open up and show me what she’s been working on.
I settle back in my rocking chair, which is nearly as old as I am, and it groans in protest. The noise attracts Rainbow’s attention away from whatever she was watching. It was probably a butterfly. She’s been spending a lot of time watching them over the past few days, admiring, I imagine, how gracefully and silently they dance with the wind.
She notices that I’ve been staring at her dreamily this whole time. That blush that I’ve seen so many thousands of times appears on her face and her smile grows a little bit sheepish. It still amazes me that after all the time we’ve been together she still somehow manages to keep doing that. Though I’m not one to talk, seeing as my heart still skips a beat every time I lay eyes on her. That’s one thing, maybe the only thing, that hasn’t changed over time. Our fur and feathers have faded, our minds may be starting to dull, and our friends have gone their separate ways, pursuing their own dreams, but the love I feel for Rainbow is as strong as it was the day she confessed her true feelings for me. Oh, what a day that was. One of the parts I remember most of all is, funnily enough, the blush. That was the first time Rainbow blushed before I even said anything to her. She’d been acting strange lately, and then one morning I was watering the flowers in front of my cottage when she landed right in front of me, right where we spend most of our time now. Her cheeks were already ablaze and I could see her trying to hide a letter under her wing. She seemed so nervous that she could hardly look at me, sort of like me when I meet a new pony. For once, I was actually the one who spoke first. I asked her if everything was alright, and if she’d like to come inside.
“Fluttershy?” My thoughts dissolve into an image of Rainbow Dash’s face, looking at me with a mixture of amusement and concern.
“Oh! Sorry,” I squeak. “I was just… lost in thought, I guess.”
“What about?”
“Various things. Mostly the day you gave me that letter.”
“Ah.” She doesn’t like talking about that day. She still likes to keep up her appearance of being tough and unattached, though I see her trying to hide a smile as she turns away from me, going back to watching the butterflies.
“What are you thinking about?” I venture to ask. With time I’ve gotten better at speaking up and actually continuing conversations.
She sighs, her eyes still fixed on the colorful fluttering creatures inhabiting our front yard. I notice her blink twice, and I see something glimmering on her eyelashes. “Flying,” she mutters, with an air of defeat. I can feel my eyes widen as I pick up on the meaning of what she just said. It’s been years since we talked about flying. I’ve always worried that it might be a bitter topic for her, so I never brought it up. Now I figure I should just listen and let her speak her mind.
Distant birdsong fills the silence before my companion resumes. As she speaks I hear a slight quiver in her voice, and I notice almost a hint of desperation. “What’s it like to fly?” To hear Rainbow Dash, the greatest flyer to ever live in Equestria, ask a question like that… it’s a bit more than a shock. I’m not sure what to say. Luckily I don’t need to speak. “I can hardly remember.” She turns to me, her face a portrait of dismay. “I can’t remember what it felt like to have the wind tearing at my wings, or what it was like to fly so fast that my eyes start to water. I can’t even remember what clouds feel like anymore.”
I don’t know what to do. I’ve known Rainbow Dash almost my entire life, and I’ve only seen her like this on a few occasions. I’m only used to dealing with the tough, resilient Rainbow Dash. When it comes to this emotionally vulnerable Rainbow Dash, it’s like she’s a stranger. I just-- I don’t know what to do. My uncertainty paralyzes me as she continues.
“I mean, look at them,” she gestures at the butterflies. “That’s not how I remember flying. Flying is about speed and courage and knowing that at any moment you could fall right out of the sky. But I can’t remember it! Now, when I think about flying, all I can picture is these butterflies.” as she spoke anger grew, but quickly faded, being replaced by tears. “I miss the sky, Fluttershy. I miss looking down and seeing everything in the world so small and far away beneath me. I miss watching the sun set from a cloud, where there is nothing to spoil the view. I miss gathering clouds and aiming the wind to make it rain or snow or storm. I miss the Wonderbolts and the Weather Factory. I miss Cloudsdale.” She cast her eyes skyward, though it carried the same hopelessness as when a pony drops their gaze to the floor. “I miss home.” Her voice cracked at the end, just like it has her whole life.
I’m still not sure what she wants me to say, but I know I have to do something. I rise out of my chair without much difficulty and make my way towards my lifelong companion. She looks at me with an expression so pitiful and helpless that I instantly know what needs to be done. I reach out to her and wrap her tightly in my forelegs. She lets her head drop onto my shoulder and she returns the hug.
“There, there,” I coo, as comfortingly as I can. “It’s alright. Everything will be alright.” I can feel her start to shake as she loses control of her emotions.
“It’s just,” she sobs, “I’m never going to see Cloudsdale again.” I can feel her tears running down my back. I’m never going to go home.”
“Shh, don’t worry,” I stroke her mane, trying to calm her down. “You live here now, with me. This is our home. This is your home.”
As much as I’d like to believe that my cottage is our home, and that Rainbow and I belong together here on the ground, I know, deep down, that it isn’t true. Her home is the sky where there is nothing but clouds to block her and nopony can keep up with her to hold her back. She lets out a wail the likes of which I have heard before and which I hope to never hear again. So wracked was it with grief and sorrow that I can think of nothing that could cause such a sound other than heartbreak.
Some days I somehow manage to forget all my worries, but not on this day. This day I spend wrapped in the arms of my one true love, wondering if I was ever truly hers, or if her heart belonged in the sky, rather than here on the ground with me.
Author's Note
I wrote this for the Equestria Daily Writer's Training Ground #004. The prompt was "'What's it like to fly?'" We were supposed to focus on just one scene describing flight rather than a whole story. I didn't really do that. Oops.
Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it.
