Franklin Genericson was sitting in his bed taking an enormous poop. His average-sized black and yellow herpes weiner was flapping in the breeze created by an open window. His half-rotten poopy-chute was caked with poo, family juice, and germy gross-gross that smelled like day-old potato chips. Also he was a homosexual(not that there's anything wrong with that). He was watching The Lion King on his BetaMax player, while eating powdered BetaMax flakes. His various BetaMax posters made weird crinkly noises as they flapped in the breeze because Franklin Genericson is just darn terrible at hanging up posters.
He wiped the corners of his mouth with an Apple Pippin, and crumpled it up and tossed it in the garbage. His trash can was a hollowed out BetaMax. Franklin got up, only really half paying attention to the Disney movie, and made his way over to his Atari Lynx. He took a massive ogre poopoo all over it and peepeed on one of his BetaMax players. Then Franklin flushed the Atari Lynx and made his way back to his bed to continue watching The Lion King. Suddenly he heard a loud, obnoxious ringing noise.
Franklin pulled a Gizmondo out of his pocket and pressed the answer button. An advertisement for the Westboro Baptist Church(a bunch of naughty no-no people) played because Franklin is gay, and the Gizmondo hates gays because it's super edgy, and ignorant. Then the call started.
"Hello?"
"Hi Franklin Genericson, it's me, Friendly McFriend-o-tron," said Friendly McFriend-I-tron," why weren't you at Harold Goldfarb, our delightful and perfectly normal Jewish friend's party yesterday? We really helped stimulate the economy by purchasing an American car."
"Yeah, I couldn't, I was too busy volunteering at the local animal shelter like a well behaved teenager, besides, I was burning over nine thousand pieces of firewood so I could provide the homeless with endless warmth as well, so I was too tuckered out."
"Well you should definitely hang out with us on Friday, we're going to Equality McHappyman's house to play Chutes and ladders, and drink grape soda."
Franklin hung up because he doesn't much care for board games, but he realized that he had been rude and immediately regretted it. He decided he simply wasn't polite enough to deserve a phone, and he threw his Gizmondo out the window.
Meanwhile at OUTSIDE...
The soaring Gizmondo was flying far, due to the fact that it was taco-shaped, and tacos are aerodynamically perfect for flying. That's because Mexicans invented flight, not those Wright Brothers, who were kind, loving, and respectful to each other's mothers.
Fun fact: Before jumping was invented by our wonderful African friends, Mexicans would fly over the fence in crispy tacos. This sparked the Crispy v. Soft-shelled civil war, which was brought to an end when Dora said,"why not both?"
So they used both.
Everyone was happy.
Anyhow, as the Mexican meatshell-shaped game-phone soared, it remained blissfully unaware (the fool) of it's impending demise. You see, a massive BetaMax player had recently lost orbit, and was crashing down to the Earth. This, the first attempt at the DVR, collided with the first attempt at portable cellular gaming, unfortunately for them, quantum physics happened, and they were teleported back to Franklin's house. Once there, quantum physics caused them to implode and become so dense that they created a black hole. All of the Betamaxes were sucked into the black hole, and instead of being crushed or turned into energy, they went to Equestria. Of course, this wouldn't happen for you, no you would be pulled into the center of the black hole, where time would slow down, and you would be crushed and dispersed. Maybe.
Twilight Sparkle was holding a meeting with the Elements of Harmony(all of which were betas now that they gave their belongings back to that tree) to discuss whether they would save the world again, or if they'd had enough of letting Celestia and especially Luna do absolutely nothing. Seriously, at least Celestia fucking tried to do something. Where the heck was Luna, they probably could've won if they'd have worked together they probably would've knuckled that holy woman of scandalous nature right over like the fist-pumping, strong independent women they are! And if you say,"she was playing Skyrim #gamerluna," I will turn into a dragon so that I can give you even bigger hugs.
Suddenly, a horde of Betamaxes appeared out of gosh darn nowhere, all of which landed on Rarity, crushing her to death. This was nobodies fault of course, as the maximum reaction time of a pony is about half a second, save for Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, who can both move at upwards of 7,000 k/mh, and would therefore need to have a superior reaction time in order to dodge obstacles at such high speeds.
So it's their fault, blame them.
"What happened?" Asked Apple-Pone.
"Quantum Physics," replied an awestruck Twilight Sparkle,"I've never seen it up close before."
"Ah, I get it now," replied Applejack PhD,"thankfully we're both scientists, so we don't need to explain what happened out loud."
The Elements shared a laugh, before Twilight went all nerd-rage and started talking about how this could be the alien technology that would bring them to a higher scientific understanding. She hastily took a picture of it on her iPhone 4S, and googled it.
"Aww, they're just crummy old Betamaxes."
If I know one thing, it's that Betamaxes hate being called "crummy," which is probably why all of them fused together into a giant robot and started destroying Ponyville.
"Dang it, I knew this would happen," said Twilight, one could question why she made fun of the deadly Betamax despite her full knowledge of the consequences, but the answer is that ponies are less than reputable beings,"Applejack come with me."
Twilight Sparkle lead Applejack to the Pacific Rim robot from Pacific Rim.
"I'd always thought this was completely useless, but clearly I was wrong."
"Twi, how long have ya had this?"
"Since Nightmare Moon, why?"
Twilight hushed Applejack before she could reply and they jumped into the robot and did all that interesting drift poop so now they were Pacific Rimmed.
Mr.Pacific Rim(piloted by two pones) punched Betamaximus in the face, but his hand broke off, because anything made in the 1980's is nigh indestructible.
Thankfully Betamaximus was stopped by Celestia and Luna because they finally worked together, and only half of the population died.
Le end
