Doodle Bug

by Cranky Sombra

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Matilda, Other, Adventure, Cranky Doodle Donkey
Length: 4937

Cranky Doodle tells a story

Cranky Doodle tells of his adventures in the distant land of Saddle Arabia!

Published 2014-01-24 21:10:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-24 21:10:05 UTC

Doodle Bug

Doodle Bug

“Over there! I see one over there!” Yelled a high pitched voice.
“I got it!” Replied another young voice. There followed a splash and a loud Ribbet ! from an escaping frog. The reeds parted revealing three bright colored fillies wielding nets. The famous Cutie Mark Crusaders were attempting another project to earn their marks. Applebloom waved a bright yellow hoof in disappointment. “Shucks! We missed another one!”

Scootaloo gave her net a few test wags. “Maybe frog catching isn’t our special talent after all. What do you think Sweetie Belle?” She turned towards the third member of their trio who was creeping quietly down the creek bank, her net raised high.

Sweetie Belle swooped down with her net. Only instead of a frogs croak an angry buzzing noise emerged from her net. Sweetie Belle blinked in surprise.

“Wha? What is this thing?” Her two friends galloped over, bringing the apple jar with holes poked in the lid.

Sweetie Belle shook out her captive into the jar and the three fillies looked in wonder. Crawling back and forth was a wide round beetle that was the exact color and shape as a gold bit!
“Whoa, what is it?” Scootaloo asked excitedly. Sweetie Belle shrugged her little white shoulders.
“I don’t have a clue! I saw it moving along the bank and thought it was a fancy new frog!” Apple Bloom hefted the jar watching the sunlight gleam off its’ reflective wing case and legs.
“It sure is pretty, but where did it come from? I’ve never seen it before. Do you think anyone has a clue about it?” The three pondered for a second.
Scootaloo broke the silence. “I know! Our teacher Miss Cheerilee would know! Let’s take it to her!” The other two shook their heads.
“It’s a weekend remember? She won’t be at our school. Maybe my sister would know. She’s good with all kinds of critters.” Apple Bloom suggested. Sweetie Belle tapped her on the shoulder.
“Didn’t you say she’s busy today and that she wanted us to not get underhoof?” Apple Bloom’s cute face scrunched into a scowl. “There’s gotta be somepony who knows what this is.”
Sweetie Belle hopped up on her stubby legs with excitement! “I know just the pony! Someone I was told had lots of experience with the whole wide world! They’ll know!”
Her two friends raised their eyebrows. “Who are we talking about?” Apple Bloom questioned.

*Ding Dong*

“Huh? Whazzat?” Murmured an old voice from the quaint living room he had been sitting in. The old figure grumbled as he set down his newspaper and trundled to the front door, stopping to adjust his impressive blond wig over his balding head. Cranky Doodle Donkey opened his front door, revealing nothing.
“What the hay?” He began.
“Uh Mister Doodle? Down here.” Said a sweet voice. Cranky looked down, his long ears flopping as he beheld three miniature ponies smiling up at him with a glass jar.
“Oh? Have we met?” He asked feeling a bit ashamed for not noticing them earlier. The tan donkey furrowed his brow, trying to figure out where he’d seen them before.
“Not exactly. Our friend Pinkie Pie told us you had travelled all over Equestria so we were wondering if you had ever seen this type of beetle before.” Apple Bloom explained, holding aloft the jar.
Before he could reply, an older female voiced emanated from the kitchen. “Doodle, who’s at the door?”
The fillies giggled at the name Doodle. Cranky gave them a glower. “It’s some little ponies asking me a question about something they caught.”
A matronly donkey with a kind face emerged from the kitchen. She smiled at the little guests. “Why bless my soul, it’s those little crusaders I’ve seen tearing around town. Don’t be rude Doodle, invite them inside! I’ve just pulled a batch of gingerbread from the oven. Should be ready to eat in a few minutes. You girls are welcome to have some.”
The crusaders galloped in excitedly, causing Cranky to grumble about dirty hoof marks on the carpet as he closed the door. The three fillies set the jar on the table top “Thank you Miss Matilda!” The crusaders chorused politely.
Matilda headed back into the kitchen while Cranky pulled up a chair to look at the beetle. He leans forward almost touching the jar with his muzzle. “Hmmmmm…”
The fillies crowded closer. “Do you recognize it Mister Doodle?” Scootalo asked.
“It’s Cranky.” He automatically corrects. “And yes I recognize it. It’s a Gold Bit Beetle. What I want to know is how it got here in Ponyville? They don’t live in this part of the world.”
“Where do they live?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“All the way in Saddle Arabia. The hottest, harshest desert in all of Equestria. A pony can melt under the noon sun in Saddle Arabia!” Cranky declared.
“Oh Doodle, don’t start telling fibs to fillies! It’s not that hot.” Matilda replied, walking in with a tray balanced on her head bearing fresh gingerbread biscuits and a pot of cold mint tea. The group helped themselves, spreading thick white frosting on the cookies.
Sweetie Belle cocked her head. “When did you see Saddle Arabia Mister Cranky?”
Cranky gulped down his cookie with a slosh of tea. “Back when I was looking for Matilda I ran low on bits and had to get a job as a laborer. The only problem was that I had signed up to be a laborer for an expedition to Saddle Arabia! I remember it as if it was yesterday…”
The crusaders leaned in, their vivid imaginations painting a scene in their heads of Cranky’s tale….

A younger, spry Cranky sporting a head of real dark hair wiped his brow with a kerchief. “Whew! It gets any hotter we’ll have to stop and pitch camp! Gets dangerous travelling during the hottest part of the day.” He reminded the two ponies traveling with him.
A skinny cyan colored stallion with a black and white mane and tail sniffed moodily and drank from a water canteen. “Sounds like you just want to lounge around instead of working like I pay you to! I say we press on!” He complained in a whining voice.
“Now Two Tone, there’s no reason to get ourselves exhausted by heat stroke or dehydration. Cranky makes a good point. Besides, I want to make a few notes about this location.” Said a polite voice. It belonged to a cherry red mare with a fuzzy pink and black speckled mane. She adjusted her glasses and pulled a notebook from her saddlebag she was carrying. All three of them were carrying saddlebags full of supplies for the trip they were on.
Two Tone rolled his eyes. “This location seems exactly like the last one. Endless boring desert followed by more sand dunes and scrub grass! Oh why did I have to personally venture into this wasteland?” He groused out loud.
“And people call me Cranky…” murmured the donkey as he set up a sun shade on four poles, letting it cast its shadow over the travelers. The mare smiled politely. “Thank you Cranky.”
“No problem Miss Ladybug. I gotta say, I still don’t know if this plan is going to work. It just seems like a lot to go on.” Cranky leaned down where a Gold Bit Beetle wearing a tiny leash crouched next to the mare. The handle was wrapped around her hoof. She pulled a gold coin out and placed it in front of the insect. The beetle crawled forward and began grinding the coin with its tough mandibles.
“Horrid little creature. What would possess us to take along a beast that eats money?” Two Tone shuddered at the thought. Ladybug patiently explained.
“The unique diet of the Gold Bit Beetle means they can smell out and detect gold over vast distances like how a bee finds flowers. It’s my hope to study more about them for my report to Canterlot. That’s why I agreed to loan mine. Usually the poor things are exterminated as pests on sight!”
Two Tone huffed. “Anything that robs us of our hard earned money should be destroyed but if what you say is true, then we can use the gold sniffing ability of this…creature to locate the ancient tombs of Saddle Arabia! Just imagine the heaps of gold and jewels they had buried with their ancient royalty! No one’s ever found the tombs except for a lucky few and soon I’ll be adding my name to the list!” Two Tone rubbed his hooves together in evident glee.
“I’m pretty impressed by this whole trip, but the sooner we get done the better.” Cranky said, gazing back at their trail. “No telling what she’s up to while I’m stuck in the desert.” He murmured to himself, feeling his ears droop at the thought of his lost love.
They waited for a while, resting as the sun beat down relentlessly. Cranky checked the supplies and pulled out a piece of cactus jerky, offering some to the others. It was hard, green and pretty rough but it gave them energy to travel in the harsh desert.

They had been traveling for some time, following the trail made by the Gold Bit Beetle as it headed in a straight line into the desert wastes. Passing rock formations, sand dunes and the occasional lizard the three travelers halted before a huge pit.
It was sunk into the sandstone of an old dried up river bed. The pit was partially covered by scrub grass and old cactus stalks blown in by the wind. Cranky carefully headed down into the pit at a gentle slope. He pulled the debris aside revealing a solid looking sandstone door with several cracks along the bottom. The door had faint outlines carved into it, weather worn reliefs depicting tall elegant ponies standing in a faded garden scene.
“Well I’ll be! I’ve never seen a door at the bottom of a pit before!” Cranky mused, running a hoof over the old stone entrance, amazed it had lasted this long.
“Cranky? Are you okay?” Ladybug called down, concern on her crimson face. Two Tone stood next to her, his jagged eyebrows raised in excitement.
“I’m just fine! I think we may have found some sort of door! I’ll be right up!” Kicking his hooves Cranky made his way up the sandy slope to the others. Lady Bug looked at her tethered beetle which buzzed excitedly.
After explaining the door to the others they started knotting together a simple rope ladder to lower down the slope making it easier to climb up and down. Lady Bug descended with Cranky while Two Tone brought up the rear, complaining about the sand sliding under his hooves.
Lady Bug brought the beetle up to the door where it skittered into one of the large cracks at the base. The leash grew taut as the beetle halted on the other side. Two Tone sniffed moodily.
“Well shouldn’t you get a crowbar and start breaking it down so we can enter?” Cranky felt his ears flop in annoyance. “I’m not breaking down a door that’s older than all of us! I’m sure we can find a better way inside!”
Two Tone bristled. “I’m the one paying for this trip and I refuse to waste any more time! I say the labor should be laboring to keep me happy before I reduce his pay!”
Lady Bug coughed politely. “Gentlemen, I found a seam along the side. I do believe we need the crowbar to pry it wider.” Cranky pulled a solid looking crowbar from his saddlebag and levered it into the hole. The other two stood back in the pit as he pulled. The door was solid and old but Cranky was as stubborn as a donkey can be and hauled back harder. The stone door finally gave a groan and slid open with a cloud of sand and stone dust.
Before the three explorers a dark corridor loomed. It led further into some sort of ancient complex. The smell of old papyrus and soil permeated the air. Lady Bug carefully reached for one of the torches in the packs and lit it. Cranky and Two Tone copied her and together they entered the ancient long forgotten complex of Saddle Arabia, following the Gold Bit Beetle.
The torches cast long shadows that danced off the ruins eerily as they walked carefully into the underground complex. “This actually used to be above ground, but time has covered it with hundreds of years of sand.” Lady Bug explained. The beetle scurried forward heading towards an old hallway with ragged tapestries hung on the walls. Two Tone reached out wondering if it was real silver thread used in the old tapestry. At his touch the dried fabric crumbled into small pieces.
He wiped his soiled hoof on the ground. “This is why I prefer gold and gems to any other type of treasure. No one wants to pay for ratty old wall rags.” Dozens of side hallways had collapsed over time, filing with sand and rubble. The main hallways seemed sturdy enough as they passed over a mosaic tile floor depicting a stern pair of rather famous sisters encircling the moon and sun with their wide wings.

Lady Bug smiled as Cranky noticed the mosaic. “Is that who I think it is?” Pointing to the white alicorn cradling the sun.
Two Tone rolled his eyes. “Big deal. It’s not like we can take the floor with us when we leave. Is the little bug going to find us the gold or not?”
Lady Bug watched her beetle travel tirelessly forward. “He certainly seems more active now and more eager to go.”
Leaving the mosaic room behind they found a pair of intact stone doors lined with old broken off stone spikes. Cranky carefully pushed the doors open. All three of them were amazed at the view of the other room.
Lady Bug sighed, “It’s amazing!”
Two Tone whistled. “Now that’s interesting!”
Cranky smiled, wishing Matilda was here to see this with him.

The room before them was a huge oval shaped structure that spread out grandly. It was crowded with a riot of rare and oversized cacti that once made up a garden of sorts. Huge sentinel like saguaro towered overhead while snaky vines of trailing cactus tumbled around fat round barrel cacti. Pink and orange blossoms abounded on all the plants and it looked like natural sunlight was streaming from a hole in the middle of the ceiling!
The three carefully headed in ducking and stepping around the lovely but thorny plants to look up at the center ceiling. A semi-circle of mirrored panels could barely be seen above them.
“Incredible! The ancient ponies must have created a mirror system to reflect sunlight from the surface down here, allowing them to grow a garden with a roof over their heads! And it survived all these years so the plants never died out! So incredible!” Lady Bug trotted in a little circle of discovery joy. Two Tone yelped as he had backed up and his cyan rump had found a long thorn.
Cranky inhaled, smelling the sweet scent of cactus blossoms saturate the air. Suddenly he snapped his eyes open. Something had caused the cacti behind Two Tone to sway and there were no breezes underground!
Lady Bug suddenly watched as her Gold Bit Beetle had gone quiet and was hiding underneath her body. “What is it?” She cooed gently.
“LOOK OUT!” Cranky yelled as a dark shape suddenly rose up from the cactus brush behind Two Tone and reached out a pair of thick violet pinchers. Two Tone heard a rasping noise behind him. He looked back to see a menacing shape rise up from the cacti!
It had a low slung body with two forward facing pinchers. A flat red eyed face with a profusion of clacking mandibles and a long barbed tail rising up over its back. The giant barbed scorpion rasped and stalked over the cacti towards the ponies. Its clawed feet clacking on the sandstone floor.
Two Tone screamed and threw himself forward covering his head with his hooves and quivering in terror. Lady Bug gasped and stepped back holding the beetle in her hooves, unable to tear her gaze away from the dangerous arachnid.
Cranky reacted quickly, taking out the crow bar from earlier. It seemed pretty small compared to the heavy claws of the scorpion, but it was better than nothing! He yelled and ran forward, stopping to boot Two Tone out of harms way with a solid kick. The crow bar clanged off the monsters armor as it hissed and reached down, intending to pin Cranky with those horrible claws!
Cranky held up the bar fending off its reach as the monster swung its deadly tail down. It had misjudged and had impaled a barrel cactus next to Cranky. He backed away looking over his shoulder at Lady Bug. “Run! Get Two Tone and get yourselves outta here now!”
Instead of fleeing Lady Bug quickly grabbed a few mouthfuls of nearby cactus blossoms. With her mouth full she rushed forward just as the scorpion had freed its tail from the cactus. Cranky was about to grab her before it noticed but Lady Bug was quicker, running up alongside the beast.
Cranky watched amazed as she spat the wad of cactus flowers at the scorpions walking legs. Even more amazing, it didn’t snatch her with its claws or stab her with its tail. It began methodically trying to shake the wad of wet blossoms of its legs, seeming to ignore the ponies right in front of it!
Cranky helped Two Tone to his hooves as the financier had landed safely into a pile of briar cacti. Lady Bug quickly rushed back to them. “That should keep it busy for a few seconds but we’ve got to get out of here!”

Since the scorpion blocked the door they came in from they raced ahead dodging overgrown cacti as they left the garden. The soon found another hallway similar to the previous one.
The scorpion was nowhere in sight so Cranky and Lady Bug took a minute to catch their breath. Two Tone shivered. “G-ghastly! So h-horrid!” He moaned, wringing his hooves nervously.
Cranky glowered over his shoulder at the garden that looked so peaceful but held a deadly guardian. “What was that thing?!”
“A very old Thorn Scorpion. They hide in the deepest parts of the desert, usually hard to find. This one must have found some other way into the ruins and made its lair here.” Lady Bug explained pulling the beetle she had stashed in her saddle bag back out.
“What was that flower trick? You scared me half to death running right at that big brute!” Cranky couldn’t keep the admiration out of his voice at her surprising bravery.
Lady Bug smiled. “I know that scorpions have hairs on their legs and claws for sensing their surroundings. I assumed Thorn Scorpions are about as smart as their little regular cousins. I made a distraction on its back legs making it have to stop and worry. Self-preservation kicked in and made it stop hunting. Scorpions don’t multitask well according to my studies.”
“Well, we’ll still have to deal with that bruiser when we leave here.” Cranky warned, suddenly realizing the very distinct possibility that someone could be hurt very badly down here, away from the surface and civilization.

The three followed the beetle deeper into the tunnels, skirting around huge sinkholes and piles of rubble. Suddenly Two Tone spoke up excitedly. “Look over there! I can see gold gleaming! We’ve done it! We’ve discovered the treasure of ancient Saddle Arabia!” He practically galloped over the other two in his haste to reach the golden shine emanating from the center of the next room they had been approaching.

Cranky and Lady Bug followed the excited financier into a warm sandy room that looked like it was once a living quarter for ancient ponies. Tattered wall hangings, an ancient four post bed, even a busted bookcase propped up in the corner. The room was suffused in a warm golden glow emanating not from a pile of treasure but instead-

“More beetles?!” Two Tone declared crestfallen. Lady Bug undid the leash on hers and it buzzed happily into a large pile of bright gold colored beetles crawling over an old clay pot they had turned into a home. The others swarmed about the newcomer sniffing it before they began to chirp excitedly. Lady Bug smiled and Cranky found himself grinning alongside her.

“We were all wrong. This beetle wasn’t looking for gold. It was looking for its own kind. Now its home and we have our answer to Saddle Arabias ancient treasures. Family and friendship.” Lady Bug declared to the others.

Two Tone sneered, his horn glowing purple. “Family? Friendship?! This little trip cost me a ton of gold bits! I didn’t pay just to hold a gross bug family reunion!” He glared daggers at the nesting beetles. “Maybe these gross little monsters will fetch a price at some zoo or in a private collectors menagerie!” His purple energy surrounded one of the beetles making it squirm helplessly suspended in midair.
Lady Bug frowned. “Two Tone! Leave them alone! There’s no need to take out your anger on them!” Two Tone glared and several more beetles covered in his purple aura floated up chirping in fear. Two Tone ignored Lady Bug’s protests as he reached for a satchel to stuff beetles into.
Suddenly a tan hoof grabbed Two Tone’s scruff and shook him. “Now cut that out! No one likes a bully and I won’t tolerate you picking on them little bugs or the nice lady!” Cranky declared in a no nonsense voice.
Two Tone sputtered. “You lay your hoof on me like that again and I’ll bury your stubborn hide in the desert!” Despite the tension Lady Bug noticed the beetles were all hiding inside the safety of their clay pot.
“Gentleponies, I think we have another problem!” Cranky and Two Tone looked over at her. Suddenly a raspy hiss emanated from overhead. All three looked up and cried out in terror as the biggest, hairiest tarantula began to descend from the upper corner of the room, icy blue eyes glowing, and rusty brown fur growing on its long legs. It was the size of a well fed buffalo!
The three ponies wheeled and raced from the room as the ebony fanged horror charged after them hissing. Two Tone shoved Lady Bug aside in his haste to flee. Lady Bug fell hard, her head striking the floor and knocking her out! Cranky dug his hooves into the sand and did an about face to help her. The monster loomed over the red mare, intent on devouring her! Thinking quickly, Cranky scooped up a hoof full of sand and tossed it at the cluster of eyes on the spider. The giant arachnid hissed and rubbed at i’s multiple eyes distracted.
Seizing Lady Bug and tossing her over his shoulder, Cranky ran down the corridor away from the irate beast. As they sped towards the cactus garden they heard Two Tone shrill cry of terror. “That guy is gonna be the death of us all.” Grumbled Cranky to himself, hefting Lady Bug and running towards the commotion.
He sped into the garden, seeing the giant scorpion had emerged from hiding and had cornered Two Tone. The panicky stallion raced back and forth which was throwing off the scorpions aim with its stinger tail. Cranky looked behind him, seeing the tarantula had wiped the grit from its eyes and was running after them, using its multiple legs to traverse the garden. He looked ahead, seeing the scorpion trying to nab Two Tone. He put two and two together.

Cranky placed Lady Bug carefully on the ground out of harms way. He then ran up behind the scorpion’s rear, waving his ears and hooves above his head. “Hey! Over here you gross bug sucker!” He taunted the tarantula. The arachnid narrowed its eyes in anger and charged. Cranky then grabbed the back leg of the scorpion and shook it, trusting its instincts.
The scorpion reacted like before, ignoring a blubbering Two Tone and turned around to see what was threatening it. Both monsters could only gape as the tarantula crashed into the scorpion!
Cranky had leapt aside to avoid getting caught between the two behemoths. He crawled to where Lady Bug was recovering and patted her cheek. “Wake up! We’ve got to get outta here!” Lady Bug awoke from her fall, rubbing her head as she saw the two arachnids hiss and claw at each other. Together they collected the quivering Two Tone and hurried away from the garden, leaving the tarantula and scorpion to bite and menace one another.

Outside the complex, night has fallen. Cranky heaved a big sigh, flopping on his back gasping for breath. Lady Bug was jotting down a few notes in her journal while Two Tone pouted. “So much wasted effort, so much trauma.” He bemoans to the other two.
“Now now, Two Tone, it wasn’t a complete waste. We learned a lot about the ancient ponies ways of growing food underground and what animals they lived with and I can officially complete my report for the Canterlot archives!” Cranky patted them both on their shoulders.
“I think you’re both forgetting the most important thing is that we made it out of there in one piece!” Lady Bug smiled fondly at him. “Indeed. Thank you for all your heroics Cranky. We would be in a huge deal of trouble without you!”
Two Tone dragged a hoof in the sand. “….What she said.” He sniffed. Cranky grinned wryly. “Apology accepted. Now lets’ get some rest. Tomorrow we head back to the city.”

“…and we did making great time following our trail markers. And that’s how I survived my travels in Saddle Arabia.” Cranky finished, holding a piece of gingerbread in his hoof he had been using to illustrate the battle between the scorpion and the tarantula.
“Wooowwww.” The three little fillies exclaimed, eyes alight with wonder. Matilda cleared the dishes from the table. “I swear, that spider gets bigger every time I hear this story.” She teases. Cranky grumbles at her tone. “Well, when you face a giant spider, you don’t stop to get a ruler and measure it!”
“Mister Cranky that still doesn’t explain why we have a Gold Bit Beetle here in Ponyville.” Apple Bloom says, peeking at the tiny captive in the jar. Cranky nodded in agreement.
“Sounds like we have to go into town, see if anyone’s heard of a missing beetle or maybe talk to the pegasi. Perhaps a stray wind blew one away from the desert.” Cranky stops to check his wig in the mirror as the crusaders file out into the bright daylight hopping excitedly around.
As the four of them arrive in Ponyville proper they notice a crowd has gathered around a set up square tent in the main square. Dozens of bright colored ponies are looking at the contents of glass tanks displayed out front.
“What’s going on?” Sweetie Belle asks one of the crowd ponies. The tan stallion with the hourglass cutie mark smiles down. “The best thing of all! A little education about the world of insects! Should be fun to learn more about what’s going on under hoof eh?” He replies in a chipper voice.
A genteel red mare emerges from behind one of the display cases. She has a serious studious look about her as she moves about the crowd. Cranky feels his eyes widen in recognition.
“Lady Bug? Is that you?” The mare turns, peering at his wrinkled face. “Cranky Doodle Donkey?” She replies in a soft voice.
The crowd watches the two oldsters light up with smiles.
“Lady Bug! I don’t believe it!”
“Cranky Doodle! What are the odds!”
After exchanging a big hug Cranky introduces the cutie mark crusaders to his old friend.
“Is it true you outran giant spiders and scorpions” Scootaloo asks.
“Absolutely!” Lady Bug replies with a grin.
Cranky cocks his head in confusion. “It’s great to see you, but what are you doing in Ponyville?”
“I run a traveling insect exhibit! I tour the cities, showing off rare and unique insects and arachnids to city ponies who have never seen them before. I was in trouble because one of my exhibits got broken and I lost the only Gold Bit Beetle in it!”
“Excuse me, do you mean this one?” Sweetie Belle hoists the jar revealing the golden insect inside.
Lady Bug was amazed. “How did you ever find it?”
The crusaders began to talk about frog catching by the river all at once. Cranky grumbled but Lady Bug smiled as they mentioned finding it.
“Well I think you all deserve to see my exhibit free of charge for returning my beetle back to me.” She declared.
“Yay! Cutie Mark Crusader Entomologists away!” The three fillies cheered as they raced into the tent peering at the various creatures.
Cranky grumbled at the exuberance of youth and took Lady Bugs arm as they walked in after them.
“So Cranky, did you ever find that special friend of yours?”
“Lemme tell you a story about that…”

The End.

Author's Note

A little something for my second favorite underappreciated character from the franchise.