Twilight And The Harpsichord of Kingdoms

by The DJ Rainbow Dash

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Derpy Hooves, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Other, Romance, Sex
Length: 2483

Twilight Sparkle is gifted a musical instrument from an unknown sender. It turns out to be Harpsichord. But this isn't your average run of the mill Harpsichord. Twilight and Rainbow soon find this out.

The Harpsichord is a majestic instrument of pure wonder. Its tones are considered some of the most spine-tingling, sensational, fasinating, orgasmic sounds that the ear can process, and can lead to ponies bowing before the instrument in appreciation of its incredible power.

Twilight Sparkle has neither heard nor played this instrument in her entire life. With Rainbow Dash in tow, she sits down and decides to give it shot.

What follows is an unbelievable tale of lust, wonder, genius, and corporate executives arguing with one another.

-Warning, there is implied sex here. Like the sexy kind of sex.
-This is supposed to be funny. So um... laugh maybe?
-First known ship of Twilight, Harpsichord, and Rainbow Dash
-The story art is a piano, the not as sexy cousin of the harpsichord. Piano attractiveness level = 7/10, Harpsichord attractiveness level = Infinite
-I demand Harpsichords be added to FIMfiction's character list.

Big Thanks to Feather Sigil for editing, and also thanks to bats for the chapter name.

Published 2014-01-23 02:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-23 02:00:02 UTC

Twilight Harpsichordially Invites You to Read this Story

Derpy Hooves was about to fall over.

Yes, this is a normal occurrence for the pegasus, and in fact she was eye to eye with the ground so often that she decided to give it a name. For reasons unknown, she referred to the ground as Boris.

But on this particularly sunny Ponyville afternoon, she wasn't about to say hi to Boris due to an accident or mistake of any kind. Instead, it was due to the exhaustion of hauling a massive box.

This box was gargantuan in size, standing at least five hooves tall, and having a width of around six hooves to compensate. It was a box which had large hips; granted, not large enough to warrant the "apple bottom jeans" title, but fairly shapely nevertheless.

It wasn't their size, but their weight that Derpy underestimated. The large package was--and this phrase always drew snickering from any nearby young colts--the equivalent of a tractor trailer filled with molten muffin batter. The measurement was coined by Derpy as an official Equestrian measurement, but was met with rejection by the board which decided these matters. None of them really understood how heavy molten muffin batter was, and if it was even possible for muffin batter to be molten in the first place. Moral of the story, it's best not to trust Derpy's measurements.

By the time she saw Twilight Sparkle's library in the distance, her legs felt like 4 cheap hollow swimming pool noodles. What Twilight could have possibly ordered that was this heavy baffled the poor pegasus, but all she knew was that it needed to be delivered.

Derpy dropped the package off her back onto the doorstep of the library. Unsurprisingly, the sheer mass made the ground rumble, and an earthquake rippled through the town, especially effecting the local jello convention which was happening nearby. The amount of jiggling was said to have broken a world record.

As she looked up, her eyes met Twilight Sparkle's, whose flabbergasted gaze told everything.

"Is this for me?"

"Yep! I have no idea what it is! Feels like a tractor trailer full of molten muffin batter though."

Twilight cocked an eyebrow in response, unsure of what Derpy was talking about. "Uh... thanks Derpy."

"No problem! Catch ya later Twilight!" Derpy replied, going to fly away but yet again meeting Boris. She got up and dusted herself for the umpteenth time before taking off and heading away.

"Did you order something?" Rainbow Dash asked, eating a scrumptious cream pie Twilight had made her. The young colts laughed hysterically

"I don't think I did... but whatever this is, its huge. Help me get it inside."

Rainbow hopped off the couch to join Twilight, who currently stood outside by the door, staring at the monstrosity of a box before her. A feeling in Twilight's gut told her that there was no way the box would fit through her doorway, but it was worth a try anyway.

"On three, push," She ordered. Rainbow nodded in response.

"1... 2... 3!"

They shoved the box with all their might, but apparently it wasn't enough, for the box stayed in place. They both looked at the ground for a second with dejection, not noticing the very visible troll face which appeared on the box.

Suddenly, her eyes lit up. Her, meaning Pinkie Pie, whose oven had gone off signaling that her cupcakes had just finished.

Rainbow's eyes also lit up as an idea came to her, complete with a light bulb over her head. Twilight had remembered that one of the lights in her basement was flickering, and removed said light bulb to store for a later date. She had no idea how a light bulb had magically appeared over her friend's head.

"Okay, so I need a lot of oil, and a bunch of plastic wrap. Do you have that?" Rainbow asked.

Twilight had no idea what Rainbow wanted either item for, but gestured towards the kitchen. Within a second, the pegasus had returned with a bottle of oil in tow, followed by a couple rolls of plastic wrap. Twilight could only look on with amazement as Rainbow oiled down the entire doorway and frame. She then wrapped the entire box with plastic wrap, save for the back so they could still have a firm grip.

"This baby should slide in easy now," Rainbow remarked, admiring her handiwork. Twilight still looked unsure about the whole thing, and could swear that it looked rather obscene. Her thoughts were echoed by group of young colts passing by, who fell over laughing to the point of no return as they looked upon the doorway of the library.

"Alright, ready? 1... 2... 3!"

They repeated the shove motion, both of them groaning and breathing like marathon runners over the sheer mass of the object in question. To Twilight's surprise, the box slide right through the doorway, straight into her living room. She had to add chalk a mark next to the list of Rainbow's good ideas. She wished the list wasn't full of cobwebs all the time.

Twilight walked over towards the box, careful not to slip on the oil covered doorway. She had no idea how to clean it up, but would worry about that later. Right now, she had to open this box.

"Twi, this might help." Rainbow gestured at a the back of the box. On it was a large red button.

"Rainbow, this says 'Press for Peaches'. Why would I want a peach right now?" She questioned, wondering what in Equestria possessed this company that made this to put this here.

"Not sure, but peaches are stupid. Did you know that a bunch of ponies wrote stories about a romance between a pony and a peach? Weird right?"

"Yeah, shipping together ponies and inanimate objects is odd to say the least," Twilight answered, imagining a story in which she was in a romantic relationship with a toaster oven.

" ...Oh and there is a button next to it. It says 'Open Box'," Rainbow replied, gesturing her hoof towards a much smaller green button.

Twilight pushed it.

Suddenly the lights went out, nearly scaring the cutie marks off both mares as smoke began to billow out of the box. Strobe lights emerged, coloring the room in every color imaginable and turning a once stark library into Equestrian's rave capital. From outside, Vinyl Scratch nodded in approval of the spectacle.

A full orchestra and choir followed, both of them performing Requiem from a Dream in perfect harmony as a stage of epic proportions slowly rose up through the lights and smoke. There was something atop this stage, but it was hard for Twilight to make it out.

She did notice however that the music was becoming ever so violent and frantic in pace, while also becoming incredibly loud. In fact, some of the singers started to belt their voices out so loudly that nearby asteroids took it upon themselves to make their trajectory towards Equestria, hoping that the dramatic music would continue so their arrival would be that much more dramatic.

Then the music and lights stopped, with the exception of a lone white light shining upon the entity at the top of the stage, which had finished rising up. Atop it sat an musical instrument that looked oddly similar to a piano, only it wasn't.

"... A harpsichord?"

Once she asked this, Twilight watched as everything disappeared into nothingness, leaving just the lone harpsichord in the middle of her living room. Rainbow clapped loudly and began to chanting for an encore, but was met with an icy glare.

Twilight continued to give the instrument a once over, and was taken aback by its sheer beauty. It was made using a rare amazonian rosewood which gave is a sleek, noble appearance. This wasn't taken kindly by the animals which called the rainforest tree their home, but their qualms were hard to hear over the shaking of tin cans for spare change as they sat in their television boxes.

The keys were in perfect condition. each one of them a pearly white, the kind of white one sees in the mirror after a typical dentist cleaning. Twilight took notice of the small tag attached to one of the keys which read "Cleaned by Dr. Colgate DDS" and questioned what kind of pony would take a harpsichord to a dentist.

"Twi... is it me, or does this thing seem really... hot?"

Twilight looked over at her friend and saw her eyes bugging out in the form of hearts, and nearly jumped out of her skin in the process.

"It is rather... attractive for an instrument isn't it?" Twilight breathed, a thick huskiness of enveloping her voice. She couldn't manage to form into words how badly she wanted to play this instrument.

At the same token, Rainbow looked to be getting quite wet as she stared eyes half lidded at the harpsichord. One hoof was moving up and down at a leisurely slow pace near her nether regions as she softly moaned. Twilight could only wonder where Rainbow Dash had gotten a shake weight from.

The alicorn again looked questionably at the harpsichord before her. Ignoring the fact that Rainbow seemed to be more attracted to the harpsichord that her, she studied the keys of the instrument, wondering what kind of sound they made. She tentatively felt one before slowly pressing it down, listening to the delightful sound the instrument emitted.

"Oh god..." Rainbow panted, getting shivers down her spine as her lust for the instrument and alicorn skyrocketed. "Do that again!"

Twilight obliged, but decided against taking it slow. Instead, she hammered away at all of the keys, producing a melody of majestic proportions. A couple of miles away, Octavia stood up and applauded, tears coming down her eyes.

"Holy fuck!" was the last phrase Rainbow uttered, before falling onto the floor, convulsing as pure unadulterated pleasure coursed through every vein in her body. Her wings were harder than diamond, so hard they could be used to saw a tree in half. This presented dangers considering that the library itself was a tree.

Twilight continued to play, completely baffled by her apparent and unknown genius, but felt the mystique of the harpsichord begin to fill her body through her loins. The alicorn was growing wetter than a hurricane, but her desire to jam as many unconventional objects up her tunnel of love as possible was drowned out by the pleasure she was receiving just from playing the instrument.

Rainbow continued to writhe on the floor before her, as if unintentionally starting a new break-dancing craze which would soon sweep all of Equestria. The young colts were mimicking said dance, and soon were surrounded by at least 154 crude original characters, forming a dance circle.

Soon Twilight was playing melodies and rhythms that even a virtuoso would deem impossible. The mare's hooves glided over the keys in pure ease, but she would much rather have glided her hooves over her own keys. Yet Twilight was completely hypnotized by the harpsichord, and the orgasmic music continue to flow through the room.

At some point during all this, Spike walked in. Within three seconds of viewing the spectacle before him, the dragon grabbed what appeared to be a bong out of one of the drawers and left, mumbling something about how it's never too early to start blazing.

Meanwhile, from outside the library began to glow with a purple and rainbow hue, which doesn't make much sense since purple is part of the rainbow, but nobody cares about trivial color matters anymore. Colored hearts formed from this glow and spread all over town, attracting each and every pony nearby to come and listen to Twilight's beautiful music.

Even Celestia and Luna appeared, their bodies decorated with merchandise of all kinds dedicated to the Harpsichord. They decided to open up a stand to sell said merchandise, and within the first 3 minutes of business, made enough money to solve world hunger.

The playing started to become too much, and Rainbow could feel the pleasure becoming too great. She could feel the dam within her about to break, and knew it was going to become a fireshow in ever essence of the word. Weather ponies everywhere held on to their hats and Indian ponies somewhere up north continued their rain dance.

Rainbow screamed with a voice rivaling that of the Royal Canterlot Voice, confusing the hell out of both Luna and Celestia, who wondered if they had finally found their long lost sister from another mister. The sonic waves of pleasure rattled the library, mimicking that of a dubstep bass drop. Vinyl Scratch joined Octavia in crying tears of joy.

The force of her orgasm rocketed the pegasus backwards, her body leaving the library completely as a drippy yet massive pegasus sized hole was left in the side. The amount of juices gushing out of her as a result was unparalleled, and in fact both the Equestrian Water Society and Dole Inc. were in arguments over whether it should be named a new national river, or a new fruit juice beverage of choice. Legends say they are still fighting for supremacy of Dash's sweet love nectar to this very day.

Twilight stopped playing at this point, her mind completely numb from pleasure after her orgasm, which was ignored at this point due to it being overshadowed. She wobbled over to the wet gaping hole, watching the angelic figure of her friend rocket away to some far away place. The glow of the library followed her, resulting in Rainbow gaining a tail of light following her every move.

Doing what she thought was appropriate, Twilight held a hoof against her head, saluting the work of her fellow comrade. The Harpsichord did the same somehow, although how is unknown. All of the ponies outside followed suit, each one of them marveling at the figure of Rainbow Dash as it dashed away to places unknown and the author was slapped for such a terrible pun.

Rainbow returned the next day, her body glowing and sporting a brand new unicorn horn, making her the Equestria's fifth official alicorn, because there are dozens of fake alicorns who try to steal the main character's spotlight.

Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and the Harpsichord, who was also crowned as an alicorn for some reason, all married and became the first trimarrage in history.

To this day, they continue to have incredible sex to sonic proportions.

THE END.

Author's Note

And this is what happens when a random, ridiculous skype chat idea turns into a full fledged story.

Please press the little green thumb up button. Don't worry it won't bite, I worked to train him well. Besides, he likes his little head taps.

Thank you Timaeus.