It was normal day on Earth. (And by Earth, I mean the one with lots of kaiju[or as n00bs call them, giant monsters] on it. And by kaiju, I don't mean those aliens from Pacific Rim. I mean REAL kaiju, ones who could easily pwn Jaegers.) As usual, Tokyo was in ruins. As usual, Godzilla was fighting King Ghidorah. As usual, humans were trying to intervene. A completely normal, run-of-the-mill day. Or so it seemed. The humans had invented this cockadoodie machine called the Dimension Tide, capable of creating small, temporary black holes. And the humans were pretty determined to use it. So they flew out to the field of battle to try and destroy the two battling monsters once and for all.
"Ready...aim...FIRE!" shouted the human in charge. The black hole shot out of the barrel of the Tide. It formed right behind King Ghidorah. And it began sucking him in to its depths.
Naturally, King Ghidorah resisted.(He has to keep up his reputation of being an awesome, terrifying, powerful kaiju, you know.) He roared and shrieked, flapping his wings in vain. Then Godzilla blasted him with his atomic breath. And so, the dragon disappeared. Godzilla roared in victory. Then he remembered something he ought to do.
Currently, the humans were pretty happy. Some were laughing, others were crying. A majority were silent. One started to think of a quote from Hindu scripture, when suddenly, one of them shouted, "Hey guys, aren't we forgetting-" *CHOMP* The poor human never got to finish his sentence, because Godzilla just ate the plane the humans, and the Dimension Tide, were on.
And so, Godzilla had a very good day. Not only was he nice 'n full, but nobody would ever see the likes of King Ghidorah again. OR SO HE THOUGHT! *DUN DUN DUN*
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It was a normal day in Equestria.(and by Equestria I mean the PONY.MOV Equestria, which is a sick abomination.) As usual, Discord and Wolflor were destroying Ponyville, along with R-Dash 5,000. As usual, Discord was demanding virgins. As usual, R-Dash 5,000 was repeatedly chanting "CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY! SWAG!" while firing lasers(normal ones) all over the place. As usual, Spike was getting high. As usual, Twilight "Sparkle" Mengele was delving into forbidden science and magic. A completely normal, run-of-the-mill day. And it would stay that way, because everything is normal in this version of Equestria.
Twilight was reading a piece of the Ponecrenmicon to try and banish the horrors in Ponyville. It sounded something like "7ut56o9hgy u nhyjv rp. vtbg lk6thjun nhjr5inhj nh. dmjk hyhjhgy!" Then, out of nowhere, a wild portal appeared! And it sucked R-Dash 5,000 into it, still firing lasers. And so, Twilight believed that one threat was neutralized. But she's been wrong before.
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It was a normal day in Equestria(the normal one). As usual, Applejack was doing apple-farming stuff. As usual, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were accidently destroying Ponyville. As usual, Pinkie was making cupcakes that are totally not made out of other ponies. As usual, Discord was doing pretty much whatever you imagine he would do on a normal day, which can range from plotting to take over the world again to playing baby for Fluttershy. As usual, Trixie was feeling miserable because everypony in the world hated her just because
she was a showmare and had made up a persona for her show, because "the Great and Not-So-Powerful Trixie" sounds idiotic, even if it's true. But of course, things were about to get really crazy....and blown up.
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King Ghidorah had a migraine. Three, actually, which really must stink, because one is bad enough. (Apparently there are disadvantages to having more than one head, despite the old saying about two heads being better than one.) After some effort, he stood up(which is really hard to do without arms) and took in his surroundings. He was on an unfamiliar planet that seemed way too peaceful for his taste. King Ghidorah narrowed his eyes. He'd fix that soon enough. Then he heard a tinny voice at his feet.
"CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY! SWAG!" it shouted.
Obviously, whoever or whatever is saying that must be cool to chill with, Ghidorah thought. And when he looked, what he saw was rather odd.
It was a tiny, very brightly colored robot. It looked like the complete opposite of harmful.(rainbows tend to lessen how threatening something appears.) But there it was, constantly screaming than phrase over and over again. "CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY! SWAG! CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY! SWAG! CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY! SWAG!" Then it shot a laser into the distance, causing a surprisingly big explosions. "CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY! SWAG!" it said for the millionth time.
"We should hang out", King Ghidorah said.
It seemed to like that idea.(hard to tell, considering how it had a vocabulary consisting of only four words and the fact that it had no facial features that would betray emotion.) The robot pointed at a castle in the distance.
A sadistic grin crept most unpleasantly across King Ghidorah's face. "That," he said, "looks like a good place to start."
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"Luna!" Celestia shouted. "Why aren't you in bed? It's already 10 in the morning." Luna just rolled her eyes.
"Sister," she said. "We're not a foal anymore. And besides, we're writing a letter of utmost importance."
"To whom are you writing? Is it a colt?" Celestia asked, a mischievous glint in her eye.
"Celestia!" Luna exclaimed, looking rather embarrassed. "This is no colt I'm writing to. 'Tis Hasbro."
Celestia blinked. "Now why are you writing to them?"
"Because we're not going to get any more episodes. And that is rather infuriating. Why does everypony else get so much screentime and we don't? So we're writing to protest this madness!"
Just then, three loud shrieks, each a different note, were heard outside.
"What was THAT?" Celestia wondered. She didn't have to wonder for very long, as a huge chunk of the wall was blasted inwards and nearly turned her into a grease spot on the wall. A huge, golden three-headed dragon, flew by, its tail having presumably smacked into the wall.
"That MOTHERBUCKER!" Celestia snarled. "Nopony smashes my castle up and gets away with it!"
"Tia, wait a second!" Luna cried, as her sister shot out of the hole faster than a speeding photon. Luna groaned inwardly and gave chase.
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"Hey...uh...six eyes!" Celestia shouted, apparently thinking that was a clever insult. But it do what it was intended to do, as it got the dragon's attention.
"What do you want, lowly worm?" it growled.
Then Celestia shouted-
*burst of static*
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(We're sorry, we are having technical difficulties. Please hang up and try again.)
*burst of static*
Celestia lay smoking on the ground, completely motionless. King Ghidorah stood cackling over her still form. Luna would've come to her assistance, but she was distracted at the moment, as you already know, by R-Dash 5,000.
"CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY! SWAG!" it chanted, blowing up Jet Set and Upper Crust.(not that such a thing is an issue. Getting rid of those two pricks was the only good thing it had done so far, besides blowing up Prince Blueblood, which was mentioned earlier.) It was moving pretty fast, but R-Dash 5,000 had one problem: it couldn't strategize. It was (accidently)(?) programmed to focus on creating mayhem, and nothing more. Luna waited 'til it's back was turned, and then struck.
"HYAAA!!!" Luna shrieked, blasting the metal monstrosity through several buildings. It fell to the ground, stopping its chant of death. A few seconds later, however, it managed to get up, but not without noticeable difficulty.
"CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY! SWAG!" it said.
"That is getting really annoying, you know," Luna replied. "Thou needs to shut up."
The mechanical menace flew away, to blast more innocents. Luna shot after it.
R-Dash had cornered Fleur de Lis and Fancy Pants. It began to charge its laser. Suddenly, it seized up, as a blue spiral pierced its chest. Luna pulled her horn out of it.
"CRUSH......Kill......destroy.......swaaaaaa.............." it collapsed, never to rise again.
Well, that was easy., Luna thought. Now tis time to take care of- WHAT?!
King Ghidorah had vanished from sight! Luna flew up, scanning all of Canterlot, searching for a sign of the dragon. Nothing.
"How could something that huge just....disappear?" she wondered aloud. Perhaps it fled? No, it was clearly too narcissistic to commit such a cowardly act. But Luna had more important things to take care of right now: she had a wounded sister and a destroyed city full of terrified citizens to handle.
An example of the classic scenario of a dragon attacking a small village...but with more peaches.
King Ghidorah flew over the plains of Equestria, having tired of smashing what little rubble was left of Canterlot, looking for some more buildings to destroy and things to kill. Not that he would have to wait too long. For on the horizon, was a nice little village, just begging to be wiped out of existence. What he didn't know was the incredible forces that lived there.
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Ponyville. So small. So picturesque. So.....so.....just so.......ah, forget it! Let's get back to the plot story already!
As in many fics on many days, the Mane Six were enjoying a picnic. Things were as peachy as can be. Rainbow Dash was showing off, Fluttershy was trying to make Angel NOT act like the demon he truly is, Applejack was serving apple-related stuff(Don't you think she'd eventually get tired of apples?), Rarity was being fabulous, Twilight Sparkle was reading, and Pinkie Pie was being Pinkie. Oh yeah, I almost forgot: Spike was left behind, as usual. A completely normal day. Everything was just peachy. Of course, that normalcy would soon change, but the day WOULD remain peachy. In fact, it would become even more peachy later on. You'll see soon enough.
"Wow, Pinkie!" said Rainbow Dash. "This peach pie is so really awesome! How did you get it to be so....well, peachy?"
"Weeellll," began Pinkie. She was interrupted, however, by the fact that all of her limbs started waving all over place, like those unicorns in Charlie the Unicorn 3, except at a far more insane rate. The other five ponies dodged the wildly flailing limbs, in order to avoid getting a nasty bruise. But they were all fine, because all of them knew how to dodge(and didn't even need lessons from Piccolo.). And as suddenly as they began, the convulsions ceased, and Pinkie fell to ground. Her friends rushed to her side.
"Pinkie!" Twilight cried. "Are you okay?"
Pinkie was silent. Suddenly, she sprang up from the ground, shrieking, "WE'RE UNDER ATAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!" The mare charged off towards Ponyville, armed with the shovel she stored in her pocket dimension. The others shot after her.
When they caught up, Pinkie had already dug trenches seven feet( or 2.1336 meters, if you use SI units instead of the English system), and had lined them with sandbags. She was also building a wall around the town, also out of sandbags.
"Uh, Pinkie," Applejack began. "Can I ask what yer doin'?"
Pinkie didn't respond, because she was far too busy covering the top of the enormous sandbag wall with lots barbed wire. Only when she had finished this task, did Pinkie turn around and answer the question.
"Didn't you hear what I said earlier?" Pinkie asked.
"Well, darling," Rarity said. "We sure we had misheard you, because it sounded you said we were under attack."
"Rarity," Pinkie replied, looking terribly grave. "There were no misunderstandings. I'm building the best defense I can against the intruder......but I doubt it will do much good." Pinkie's hair drooped into long, straight locks. Never a good sign.
Silence reigned over the entire town......for about five seconds. Then everypony decided to ignore the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and PANIC. Then it was mayhem that reigned over the town. A bunch of ponies were running around screaming. Others were shrieking,
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"Everypony, calm down!" Twilight shouted over the commotion.
"Calm down?!" Pinkie howled, pulling Twilight closer to her. "CALM DOWN?!?!?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT COMING?!"
"Well, no," said Twilight. "You haven't exactly explained that. What is coming?"
Pinkie shivered slightly. "He is."
"He? Who is 'he'?"
"He has been called by many names, such as the Thousand-Year-Dragon."
"D-d-dragon?" Fluttershy squeaked. She then hopped very cutely into the nearest bush.
"A dragon?" Twilight said.
"I didn't finish." Pinkie replied. "I was also going to mention how he's known throughout the universe for wiping entire planets of life. He kills because he wants to. Nothing pleases him more than death. His name, which sends chills down the spine of even the bravest warrior.......is King Ghidorah."
In the distance, three shrieks, like maniacal cackles, could be heard.
"HE'S HERE!" Pinkie screamed. "Hide in the trenches!"
Everypony listened, as Pinkie seemed to know what the heck she was doing. "Okay, guys, here's plan: the pegasi will distract Ghidorah. The unicorns will stun him. The earth ponies are going to tie him up with ropes. Twilight, your job is to enchant the rope so it is many times stronger than it normally is, because otherwise it won't hold him, and even then, they won't last long.. Then you'll look for some spells, to see if there's any that can send him back home. If you need the princesses' help, then summon them. Are there any questions?"
"Just one," said Cloudkicker. "How the hay are we going to distract a motherbucking DRAGON?!"
Pinkie was silent. Then, she said, "Peaches. Lots. And lots. Of peaches."
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As King Ghidorah neared the town, he noticed how it was surrounded by sandbags and barbed wire. Pathetic, he thought. They haven't the slightest idea of who they're dealing with. Though, I do wonder how they knew I was coming. He decided it did not matter. They would all die anyway, as all inferior life forms who suffered his wrath did. However, before he could fire any gravity beams, a high-pitched voice cried "FIRE!". The dragon was suddenly bombarded with.....peaches? This would've been amusing, if they hadn't gotten in his eyes. He roared, unable to see, the peach juice stinging his eyes. He also felt something crummier hitting his sides, hearing a voice cry, "Go away, or face the wrath of my blueberry muffins! Mmmmmmm........muffins." Ghidorah attempted to fire his beams upwards, only to be greeted with three mouthfuls of even more peaches(and some muffins). He gagged, the fruitiness of the peaches making him ill.(We're not sure what he thought of the muffins.) Trying not to choke on the sheer amount of peaches, he landed, attempting to get his bearings. Before he could even begin to get even the tiniest bit oriented, he felt energy crash into him, and he fell senseless to the ground.
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"Good work, team!" Pinkie said. "Now for phase two: tie him up!"
The ponies got to work immediately. After Twilight enchanted the ropes to the best of her abilities, the ponies began lassoing Ghidorah's necks together. They did the same with his legs and tail. They then tied his mouths closed, and pinned his wings to his side. After around ten minutes, the King of Terror had been successfully subdued, for the moment, at least.
"Hey, Pinkie Pie," said Bon Bon. "I'm not questioning your methods or anything, but......don't think it's kinda dangerous to let him sit so close to Ponyville? Because, if he wakes up....and then breaks the ropes......we'd get insta-killed."
"Great thinking!" said Pinkie. "Okay, gang! We're gonna move King Ghidorah away from Ponyville!"
A few groans came from the crowd. "We've already worked our *bleep*s off!" shouted a rebellious pony.
"Well, unless you want Ponyville to be annihilated, then you'll pitch in!" another said. This sparked an argument among the group. Things got worse as the seconds progressed. Peaches(and a few muffins) were flying again. A few ponies were trying to be voices of reason, but that wasn't working out very well.
"ENOUGH!!!!! screamed a insanely loud voice that blew several ponies away, revealing the voice belonged to Twilight Sparkle. Her eyes glowed white for a second, before returning to their normal purple.
"I'm sorry, everypony." Twilight said. "But we enough issues as is. We need to move the dragon away from Ponyville. Because if Bon Bon is right...." Twilight didn't need to tell anypony, because they already knew they'd be royally screwed if Ghidorah woke up.
"Let's get moving, ponies!" Pinkie said, breaking the silence. "We've got a space dragon to move!"
Being called back to their senses, the ponies did as Pinkie said. They began dragging him away from Ponyville. The earth ponies were pushing and pulling with their great physical strength, and the unicorns were maintaining a levitation spell, though it barely got Ghidorah off the ground. The pegasi were creating wind, to try and make the passage slightly easier.
After about half an hour, the ponies could barely walk. The earth ponies muscles ached, and the unicorns had headaches from using so much magic. A few of the pegasi had pulled a muscle or two. They were about halfway to Ghastly Gorge.
"We should set up a watch," said Twilight. "To make sure King Ghidorah doesn't wake up without our knowing."
"How will the earth ponies sound the alarm?" asked Golden Harvest. "We don't have wings, so we can't fly up into the air, and we don't have horns to shoot up sparks with."
"It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!" said Pinkie. She handed Golden Harvest a small cylinder of sorts. Then, she handed her a small plastic thingy, with a metal wheel on top.
"Uuuhhhh......what are these things?" Golden asked.
"The cylinder," began Pinkie, "is called a flare. You light with this thingamabob, called a lighter. You turn on the lighter like this." She turned gear on the "lighter", and a small flame came out of the top.
"Now then," said Pinkie. "Who will take the first watch?"
