Celestia's Cake

by Con Arty

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia
Length: 1014

When Discord steals a slice of cake from a certain Princess of the Sun, what could possible happen?

Note to self:
Eat that cake Friday! Or else Luna gets it...

Discord scratched his goat-beard-like goatee, eyeing the note attached to the small refrigerator.
"I knew sneaking in here was worth it." He smirked. "Celestia's private cake, in her own private fridge... I'd be stupid not to take it..."
He looked around to make sure that no one was looking.
"Whelp, finders keepers!"
"Discord?!" A terrifyingly familiar voice called out from behind him.
Crap

All Discord wanted was some cake. Sure, it belonged to Miss Sunbutt, but that just made it all the sweeter! It would have been nice if he hadn't been caught in the act though...
And neither one is willing to let it go.

(definitely not my best; didn't really put much effort into it. Just a sort of test-drive on FimFiction.)

Published 2014-02-07 04:00:08 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-07 04:00:08 UTC

I WANT THAT CAKE!

The two figures were still. A standstill. Both were powerful. Both wanted the same thing. But only one could achieve their goal.

They stared at each other, neither sure what to say. One was completely baffled. The other was merely surprised. After a millennium, or perhaps a few moments, one found words to speak. Or in reality, shriek.

"Discord! What are you doing in my room?!" The room shook as the words spilled out, running into each other like a train coming to an abrupt stop. The said dracannequus was frozen. Not with fear, but with shock. He'd actually been caught! Caught with his paw resting on the open fridge door and body bent over to look into the small compartment.

"This isn't what it looks like?" He offered. This of course was only a meek attempt of an escape; he didn't really expect to get out that easily.

"Oh, heck no..." her voice trailed off as she realized what he'd been about to do. "You were NOT going to eat my cake."

"So what if I am?" He smirked, challenge edging his voice. If he played his cards right, this could be fun. Really fun.

"I said were. That means that you aren't going to, as I've already stopped you."

"Oh, my dear Celestia!" He placed emphasis on the "dear". Mocking her. "You haven't stopped me yet! So you caught me red-handed," he held up his now red paw, "what are you going to do about it?

"You said 'yet'. You know that I'll stop you!" Her muscles tensed, ready to pounce. "That cake is mine; return it to me at once!"

"Oh, that was just me being polite. Thanks for the cake!" Just as he reached his claw in to grab the cardboard box--which undoubtedly held the cake inside--a yellow beam of magic hit it, making him pull it back in pain. "Ow! That hurt!" he pouted. He stuffed his claws in his mouth, and pointed his paw at her. "Youf fwiend!"

"Step away from the fridge." Celestia stated sternly. "And away from my cake."

"Notf on yourf lwife!"

"Yeah, whatever." Her horn lit up with her magic aura and swiftly levitated the box towards her. As soon as she got a hold of it, she tore the cardboard apart and cast it aside. All that was left was the cake. The glorious, scrumptious, heavenly cake. She couldn't help but stare at it a little as her stomach gave a faint growl. "This is MINE."

"But I want it!" He jerked his claw arm forward, as if throwing something, and his claws flew off and smacked the princess in the face. "Goal!" He threw his arms up in the air. "Yes!"

The impact made her drop the precious slice, but before it was even close to the ground it was caught by Discord's severed claws.

"Look! I touched it! It has my germs on it!" He crowed as the cake was inched closer and closer to him.

"I'll still eat it!" She growled.

"Ahuh. And I'm a pretty pony princess. Oh wait--isn't that what you are? Or are you just some little filly playing dress-up?"

She snorted angrily in response.

The claws leaped off the ground and reattached itself to Discord. "Will you still eat it now?" And with that, he wrapped his long snake tongue around the delicious dessert. He made a show of getting his slobber all over the once delicate cake, making sure that not a single inch, centimeter, or molecule wasn't covered in his spit.

Celestia nearly gagged.

But she wouldn't give him the benefit of seeing her suffer. Not while there was still a chance. Her mind raced through an arsenal of spells, but she couldn't think of one that would clean a desert of draconequus germs, and/or chaos magic.

Slowly, the cake was pulled towards his mouth, making Celestia watch helplessly. As soon as in passed his teeth into his wide open maw, he clamped his mouth closed like a cage. She swore she heard the clanking of metal bars slamming shut.

And then there was the chewing.

She watched as the devilishly handsome draconequus chewed the scrumptious delicacy, a cake baked just for her and her sister all the way from the Griffon Kingdom. And now she would never taste its amazingly delicious flavor, feel the smooth, moist texture on her tongue, or feel the satisfaction of devouring such a delicacy.

Soon he was done.

The cake was gone.

"How DARE YOU!"

"Hmm?"

"HOW DARE YOU EAT MY CAKE!" The alicorn's horn began to amass large quantities of magic, preparing from what was most likely going to be quite a painful punch.

"Oh dear. It seems I must be going now; cheerio, ta-ta for now, and all that." He gave a feeble means of a salute and raised his claw to snap himself to safety. But then he saw her face.

Her aura died down. Her shoulders slumped. Her head hung low in defeat. All she'd really wanted was that cake.

Discord grumbled something under his breath before snapping his fingers. But he hadn't left yet.

"There. Happy now?" And then he left.

Celestia looked up, rubbing tears from her eyes. And then she saw it; the cake! It sat atop a silver platter, a cake nearly identical to the one that had been lost. She smiled.

"Maybe he isn't so bad after all.." she thought aloud.

Of course, that was before the slice of delicious cake sprouted legs and ran away.

Running through the hallways of the castle she screamed his name in anger.

"DISCORD!!!"

Author's Note

This was pretty much just a test story; not much effort went into it.
Did you like it? Because this TOATALLY happened! I won, AND got the cake! Haha, it was priceless!
Ugh, this took forever. Typing with two different sets of finger sizes is hard.
Enjoy~

-Mr. Discord

P.S. Sunbutt totally had that coming. Don't even TRY to argue.

P.P.S. I'm not sure if she ever caught that cake