"Ah Dewy Decimal; if only more ponies appreciated your contributions to Equestria"
Twilight Sparkle heaved a sigh she idly re-shelved the non-fiction section. Suddenly Fluttershy burst through the door.
"Twilight! Help!"
"What's wrong? Did something happen?"
"You have to come quick! It's-! It's-!"
Not wasting any more words Twilight raced out of her library, determined to save Ponyville for the nth time. It didn't take her long to find a large crowd of ponies. Oddly enough It seemed that they were cheering; normally when something happened they panicked. Twilight nevertheless pushed her way to the front to see what was going on.
"I know you can win this Spikey Wikey!"
"Rarity? What's going on?"
"Oh Twilight, darling just look at that!"
The purple unicorn turned to see six stallions and Spike attempting to lift cows.
"What?"
Pinkie Pie stood next to Time Turner's timepiece and whipped out her megaphone.
"Alright competitors you only have 30 seconds left to lift that cow!" The crowd roared in approval as muscles strained in an attempt to defy gravity's tendency to make things hard to lift. With cries of agony, grunts of effort and undignified snort of annoyance from a particular spectator the winners were decided.
"Alrighty! Moving on to the next round are; Bulk Biceps!-"
"Yeah!"
"- Big McIntosh!-"
"Eeyup"
"- And Spike!"
"Booyah!"
Twilight turned an annoyed look to the cheering white unicorn next to her.
"Rarity. What by Celestia's beard is going on?"
"Oh well. It started when Spikey was helping me do some shopping. We had just gotten to Golden Harvest's stall when-"
"I'll take the short version"
"Long story short an argument broke out so other things happened, and the only way to resolve it peaceably was a strength contest"
"And how is Spike involved? How did he even lift that cow? He's just a-"
"Baby dragon, yes. Twilight, have you ever wondered why I ask him to carry my things for me? He's more than strong enough to handle it. It could take two or even three stallions to carry all the gems Spikey can get in a single trip"
"So you admit to exploiting him"
"It isn't exploitation when I reward him"
Rarity huffed. Twilight would see her as the bad guy. Pinkie hopped up on top of a nearby cart to announce the next phase of competition.
"Are you ready Ponyville? It's time to see if our contestants can handle this!"
Applejack herded the cows back toward Sweet Apple Acres revealing a bulldozer.
"The rules are simple; taking turns as we only have one bulldozer, (What's up with that anyway?) each player must pull for the length of three mares! As I do not have my surveying equipment with me with me!"
Daisy, Lily and Rose lined up, marking the the track. McIntosh took his turn first, easily hitching up to the harness. Within a moment the massive machine had lurched past the required distance. Bulk accomplished the same. Spike took up the harness.
"Wooo! Go Spikey!"
"Are you crazy? We have to stop him before he gets hurt!"
"Relax Twilight. You should be cheering him on"
"And praising total physical exertion?"
Rarity rolled her eyes as Twilight started toward Spike. Applejack stopped her short.
"Hold on there Twi, you can't just stop a competition like this. We got rules about that"
"Really? And I, a Princess of Equestria cannot interfere?"
"Yup. Them's the breaks Twi. This tradition's from back before the Princesses"
"Are you telling me that a strength contest as a method of settling disputes is an Earth Pony tradition from before the founding of Equestria?"
"Eeyup. Lemme guess, that's not in yer fancy 'Obscure Unicorn History' book?"
Applejack snickered as Twilight glared at the farm pony. Rarity's squeal pierced the cheers of the crowd.
"Way to go Spikey! I knew you could do it!"
Pinkie stood on her back legs and gestured to the crowd for silence.
"Well folks we seem to have come to an impasse. The only thing left is...TUG-O-WAR!!"
Amid the cheering crowd the party pony pulled out a three branched chain harness and hooked up Bulk, McIntosh and Spike. Time Turner readied his timekeeper. The crowd began to chant.
"TUG, TUG, TUG!"
Unfortunately for Twilight the chant drowned out her well constructed counter argument to the efficacy of this variety of problem solving, not that anypony was paying her a bit of attention. The chain creaked and the harnesses groaned as the three tuggers pulled with all their might. A minute passed with nary an inch given. Sweat poured from their brows as muscles shook in effort. And then the equilibrium was shattered. McIntosh managed to take a step forward, pulling Spike and Bulk to the ground. The crowd roared in approval. Pinkie walked over to the now collapsed McIntosh.
"We have a winner! So how do you feel Maky?"
"Ah think I done threw out mah back"
"Don't worry Maky. Pinkie'll take good care of you"
With a subtle lick of her lips Pinkie unhitched McIntosh as the latter gulped. The crowd began to disperse and Rarity walked up to Spike.
"I guess now you're my big, strong Spikey Wikey"
"But I still lost"
"And are now one of the three strongest stallions, pony or otherwise, in all of Ponyville"
"Oh yeah, I am aren't I?"
"And after you help carry my purchases I need to properly reward your heroism"
Spike chuckled and fell in step behind Rarity. Twilight stomped over.
"And just what are planning to make him do now? Hasn't he done enough heavy lifting for today?"
"I didn't buy that many groceries. Honesty, Twilight you're like a nagging sister-in-law"
"I am not nagging! And what do you mean sister-in-law?"
As the ponies went back to their normal routines Fluttershy sighed. No choice now. She continued onward to just outside of town where Rainbow Dash, who happened to be embedded in a hay bale, waited.
"I'm sorry Rainbow. I think I've lost sight of Twilight"
"Ah nuts! Really? I'm stuck here!"
"I guess I'll look again. I was so certain she would have followed me"
