Your Human And... You?

by Smiles

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human, Main 6, Other, Lyra, Romance, Original Character, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Sex, Tragedy
Length: 1070

A human awakes in a world where humans are nothing but animals. If the human is going to be treated as an animal, then he's going to act like an animal. To become the new age predator. Good thing he has experience with being a predator too.

Marquis, a human from Earth, finds himself stuck in a world where ponies rule and humans are treated as pets. A world where he is non-sapient, without rights, not even—okay enough of that. Bla bla bla, humans aren't being treated right, down with misanthropy, let me start over.

Everypony in Equestria knows that dirty and filthy humans are nothing but animals. Slaves to be used for labor. Pets for fetching the morning newspaper. And as long as you keep them in line, they'll keep doing just that. After all, they're not predators, they're not even smart.

Except this one particular human. And he knows how to be a predator... Did I tell you he likes kids?

Shall we begin? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Non-canon ripoff of the "Your Human And You" verse.

Published 2014-01-24 14:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-24 14:30:02 UTC

It's a Struggle Snuggle

Author's Note

I made this all in one night. I don't know what I'm doing. :fluttershbad:

Oh, I don't have anything against African-Americans either. Sorry in advance if I hurt anyone's feelings. :fluttercry:

It's a Struggle Snuggle

Your Human and… You?

By Smiles

Do it... :pinkiecrazy:—Narlepoax III

“Wut”

So, one moment, I’m like, “Bitch, Ima slap the man outta you” to my homie, Marcellus. Not the Marcellus Wallace from dat one movie where everyone was like “english motherfucker do u speak it.” Naw man, I'm talkin about Marcellus D. Zebulon! That’s right, you heard it correctly. That was his name. Pretty cool name for a kid’s skeleton and stuff right? Now where was I? Oh yeah.

Next moment, Im surrounded by trees and shit. Everything is all pastel colored and smiling. I think I saw a rabbit wink at me like a minute ago. The trees look like some sorta spooky too, like outta dem kids shows where ghosts come out and are all “Boo!” in your face.

Well I’m bored. I scratch my butt as I wait for something to happen. No monsters, no magicians, no fairies saying “hey listen”, nothing? I scratch my bald head in confusion. Fuck it, Im following the yellow brick road.

So I arrive at this town and stuff, man does it look funky, like out of Skyrim or Zelda kinda buildings. Candy-colored horses just walking around minding their own business, no idea whats going on there. Then I see the craziest shit! Right in front of my eyes is a hot damn chick, all naked and shit just walking around naked! I think she’s asian too. Dem wide child-bearing hips yo, Mmm, mmm!

I walk up to the girl and ask “Damn, girl, you look mighty fine. Bam! Can I get your number, girl?”

She looks at me and starts drooling. Nu uh, I ain't havin that. Aint no one drools at Marquis like this bitch was. I was about to slap her when this orange horse with a white man’s hat comes outta nowhere and starts neighing at me. Shit, I had no idea what it was saying. So I just shrug and start walking away. No biggie, Ill get that girl later.

Then the dumb horse throws a rope at me and catches my leg. I was like “dafuq is dis nigga?” I yank my leg forward and the dumb pony starts tumbling on the ground. I walk up to it all smug and say “That wasnt very smart of you, now was it?”

It looks up at me with a growl and starts shouting. Ooh boy, now that's trouble. I see what it’s doing, screaming for help and shit. Luckily, I’m pretty good with stopping that kinda nonsense. I take that fatass hat off its head and shove it in its mouth. Without blinking, I take its rope too and tie it around its muzzle and legs. Now it can’t scream or move.

I look around, aint no one see nothing, so I pick up the horse and start heading towards the hills. Why? I don’t know, but I was gonna teach this thing a lesson.

So I find this red barn, all nice and colorful. I throw the horsie in there by the back and was prepared to beat the stuffings out of this animal, when there’s a crapload of guys all in the nude in here. What was this some kinda cockfest? Dey were all drooling and shit too. No girls to be seen anywhere.

I shrug. Not mah problem if they be homo. I take my gun outta nowhere and start shooting into the air. Bang Bang Bang.

Now, they’re all looking at me now. Serious and stuff. I kinda jumped when they all turned to look at me. I pointed at the horsie at the ground. “You see this niggas? This is what people like you were meant to do! You’re not supposed to be here naked and working the fields as slaves! You’re supposed to be out there! Conquering the world and taking its woman for yourselves! This isn’t you! This isn’t us! You know this, I know this! We can be something greater! Watch and learn boys, as—oh what’s this?”

So this horsie was a she now, was she? There right there smack dab in the middle of her legs was a hot damn pink pussy.

icaninvadethis.jpeg.

I throw my black jacket and blue jeans somewhere random in the room and lunge at the horse. Now this, was my territory.

Lyra Heartstrings sighed in her office. Nothing to do, nothing to see. Crime rates in Equestria were at an all time low this month. No robberies, no forgeries, no escaping and oddly intelligent humans trying to start a rebellion, nothing. She was bored!

She thought back on her life, and how she ended up to this point. She graduated from Celestia’s School for gifted unicorns, but then what? Become an expert in humans? What about humans was there to know about? Deep down, she thought they were complex creatures, people even. But in all her studies, they were nothing more than moveable slave labor, without any inch of complex thought.

Sure, there would be the occasional human who was oddly found to be intelligent and rebellious, like the one Twilight had for a while. No one could ever figure out where they came from though, or how they were brought here.

Reminiscents aside, she was now a detective, a beginner at that too. She always got assigned by the board for lousy work, except for today. Today all the other agents were assigned to different cities, since Ponyville had next to no crime at all.

Lyra was about to reach for a donut when someone bursts through her door.

“Lyra, you’ve got a case!” the pink stallion gasped out, panting as if he’d just ran across the town.

“Hey, hey! Ease up little Joe! What’s going on?”

Little Joe pants for another few seconds. “You know Applejack, right? The current owner of the apple farms in Ponyville”?

Lyra rolled her eyes. Of course she remembered her, though they weren’t exactly on good terms with each other. “What about her? Her dog get stuck in the trees again?”

“This is a rape case, Miss Heartstrings. Applejack was raped. By a human.”

Lyra raises an eyebrow.

“What?”