It's personal, but that's okay.
I know I’m a very simple pony. Well.. I don’t mean simple like.. Emotionally simple I.. Well I’m that too, or not.. I don’t know anymore. I’ll come back here in a few days, writing is hard. Very hard.
I’m simple, I’m not very smart, that’s what I mean. I know that I can be smart, but not the kind of smart you learn in school, I didn’t finish school. She said to me the other… well that was yesterday. She said that school is just to teach us how to learn. I guess I didn’t do that but she teaches me every time I see her, at least she says she does. I don’t know what she is talking about sometimes but it’s nice to hear her.
I forgot that she reads these, I guess she didn’t mind though what I said about her. She is still here, or she said she is. I think she means she’ll still come but she’s not here now.
I think she’s in love with me. Sometimes I hope so. It’s late at night now but I wanted to say it.
I had work for the first time this week. I mean.. not the first time to have work but the first time to work this week. I went to work today, that sounds a bit better. It’s Tuesday. Teo.. well his name’s not that but I say that anyway so I remember it better. Teo said I did good. I didn’t mess something up today, but I don’t normally do that. Last week I spilled a hot drink and everyone got upset. But nopony got mad at least. I guess in the end it doesn’t matter too much anyway.
I thought about what she said about teaching me. I did learned.. I learned how to write from her. She showed me how all the bumps work. She didn’t come over today but I thought she would, I bought a flower but I would have got scared to give her it anyway.
I wonder why that I should learn. What good will I do by learning how to write in a journal.. or she calls it a journal anyways. I always thought it was just pieces of paper that I put little holes in and a journal was a little book of sorts.
She says that a journal is just where you write things down to remember. I don’t know why I need to remember all of this. Maybe I am putting too much in it. She says everything I put is important but her important is different from my important.. no she didn’t say all that. She said it’s important but I thought the next part. Is it okay that I don’t write proper like? Sentences? She’s helping me spell today but she checks for that anyway. I typed really slow today.
I forgot again to give her the flower. It’s dead now.
Today.. well really tonight. It’s night. Tonight, she took me out and said maybe I would meet a pony. But then she said there wasn’t any ponies I would like. We got a beer, I don’t like beer but I drank it because she got me it, that made it a bit better. I felt a little strange for a while but I know what it was. We got a pizza and went home. To my home, not hers. She went home though. I started to get sleepy but I thought I should write this, maybe someone will read it.
There was a fire in the building when I was in bed, but it was the other side, my home was okay. The filly.. her name was.. uh. Water. She’s at my home because her dad got burned and she can’t sleep somewhere else for a day or two. She asks about the holes in the paper and I said that’s how I can read. She’s quiet, but she says things that make sense.
I remembered her name today, the one I talk about a lot. Her name was… Zone. Yes, Zone.
Water’s dad died. She doesn't feel sad. Maybe she does. I don’t. I didn't tell her anything though, I couldn’t make the.. I couldn’t think of what to… an idea to say. She told me she’d be okay, her mom would get her and take her to another city. I wouldn’t see her again but that’s okay, I don’t think she liked me much. She said she would be alright so I didn’t talk to her anymore.
I woke her up for school and she told me to go away. She said it’s Saturday and there’s not school. I forgot that, I don’t remember what days school were. She’s been here a few days now. When will she leave? Where is.. her.. you know.. I forgot her name again. She hasn’t been here for a few days now, maybe I’ll let her take Water to her mom, I don’t think her mom wants to come get her.
She came to home today, it’s been a week and a half, she says. Water is still here, She doesn’t talk, but I don’t have money anymore to get her food. Her mom is coming. Tomorrow maybe. Maybe the next day.
I can’t find my cane, I can’t go out today. Water went with her mom, she was mean… not Water but her mom was.. she asked a lot of questions that I didn’t know.
Zone asked me what I think love is today. I don’t know. I couldn’t answer and I think she got upset with me. She told me that she felt sorry for me. I don’t know why. What does love have to do with that? I wonder if she loves me. I think she does, because she tries to hug me sometimes. Today she hugged me, I don’t like that so much. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when she does that, nopony else does that, it’s not normal.
I found my cane in the bathroom. I left it in the shower, I don’t remember bringing it in. I went out and bought bread and some things. I found a candle that I liked, just the way it felt. I liked the smell outside today, it smells like winter is coming.
She told me to.. well.. she said I should say how I feel in my journal. I feel okay today. Just okay.
