All the king's horses and all the king's men

Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the Mane six looked down from a hill bordering Ponyville. The settlement was almost unrecognizable, as it had turned out the two men with axes were lumberjacks before they enlisted and had decided to keep their axes for all the usefulness they had proved when erecting new forts in the frontier. They put their skills to good use and went to work on Whitetail wood. In almost a single night Ponyville was surrounded by a high wall. All of the ponies were forced to live under a curfew that started and ended at Ramsay’s whim.

However, for all his faults they couldn’t deny that he was a fair leader, though disliked among the ponies he had kept order and dispensed justice with swift brutality. They were also free to leave whenever they wanted, however it came at a price. Twilight still remembered Ramsay’s words echoing in her head when he put forth new laws, all of which were in the name of a king Twilight had never heard of.

~.~

The young redcoat stood on the podium directly in front of the town hall; the snow was blowing around him and the ponies of Ponyville as they were forced to listen to him reading out the laws.

“And furthermore you are free to leave the crown’s care whenever you wish, however if you do then all of your possessions and your home will be seized. It is also likely that a matter of taxation will arise after the establishment of a stable and permanent chain of command.” As Ramsay finished reading from the scroll he rolled it up and stole a hardened look at the crowd. “Are there any questions as to the laws now in place?”

Twilight immediately raised her hoof, eliciting a wave of whispers and murmurs to spread among the ponies.

“Yes, I have a question!” She said loudly.

“By all means speak.”  Ramsay said with a motion of his free hand.

“What laws will keep you and your friends in check?” At this there was another spread of whispering among the ponies which was silenced by one of the regulars firing his musket into the air.

“As men in the king’s service we are bound to be gentlemen to those who cooperate, anyone-“ Ramsay continued, turning to the mass of regulars, loyalists, dragoons and grenadiers “-and I repeat anyone who would harm a local without reason will be punished severely, if you are found guilty of killing a local, regardless of position or rank, you will be shot. Am I clear?”

The redcoats all murmured their agreement and the Birch brothers both let out a loud “Hear, hear!”

“Very well, as you may know I am of the highest rank until the general awakens, at which point he will assume responsibility and command.” Ramsay continued.

~.~

That had been two days ago, and the princesses still hadn’t arrived.

“I heard that they eat chickens!” Fluttershy suddenly said, breaking the silence. “I had to hide Philomena and all my other chickens from them before it was too late!”

“Yes and they made me make four more of that flag they have flying over the town hall!” Rarity said.

“Well ah don’t know what ta think.” Applejack said “ever since they got here business has been boomin’. Ah think I sold all of my Apples to some of them ‘dragoons’ whatever that means.”

“You mean those big meanies that ride ponies!” Pinkie Pie said, her face clearly expressing her distain at the thought “they don’t get a pinkie party!” she continued turning her nose up at a group of regulars that they could see walking below them.

“Guys be quiet here comes one of them!” Twilight whispered loudly as she saw Ramsay stalking up the hill, clearly in a bad mood.

“Good morning.” He said, sounding more pleasant than he looked when climbing up the hill.

“What do you want?” Rainbow Dash asked angrily.

“I only desired to engage in pleasant socializing with you.”

“And what makes you think we WANT to so-socio-socio-BLAH with you!” Pinkie Pie said angrily glaring at Ramsay who laughed a little and looked at the small insignificant Pink mare that had challenged him. She looked adorable, with a pink mane and a lighter pink coat.

He sighed, “Very well, I was hoping to make this pleasant but it seems that won’t have any of that.” Ramsay said, his voice conveying the stress of his new command.

“Some of the scouting parties have spotted a large force moving towards us; it would seem that they are led by two beings, similar in form to you.” He said pointing at Twilight who in turn clenched her new wings to her body. After a few minutes of nopony answering Ramsay sighed yet again.

“Since it is obvious to me that none of you actually want to cooperate I shall take my leave.” Ramsay said hanging his head and turning to walk away.

“Wait!” Rarity called “we didn’t mean it like that…”

“Do not insult my intelligence. I may be different than you but I am not stupid, I know that you all silently despise us and that you probably wish to see us hang from the highest tree in the forest.” Ramsay said turning to look at the ponies with a look akin to that of a man who had given up on a task.

“Oh no, we would never want that!” Fluttershy said shocked.

“I beg your pardon?” Ramsay asked looking up slightly.

“Hey none of us was you to…like you know…die.” Rainbow Dash said “we just don’t like what you’re doing to our town.”

“But we provided security and stability…” Ramsay said.

“Don’t you see that we don’t need security, sure we have our share of problems but none that actually needed violence to solve…” Twilight said taking a step forwards.

“And what of your opposing kingdoms?” Ramsay asked, slightly shaken.

“There are none” Rarity said smiling.

“H-how is that possible?” Ramsay asked, shock completely absorbing him. “A kingdom with no enemies, you must have an extremely competent ruler.”

“Yes we do!” Twilight said happily “Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are the best rulers we could ask for.”

“Well then I would hope that we could reach a formal, civilized agreement on how to treat this situation.” Ramsay said, a smile creeping onto his face.

The ponies then invited Ramsay to sit with them as they pointed out Canterlot from the top of the hill, they told stories of their exploits, careful so as not to mention any of them being in any way important, especially Twilight. Being a princess would mean that she could be an important bargaining chip for these creatures. Their exchange of pleasantries was cut short by a sudden gust of wind that blew snow into their faces. It seemed that there was a storm brewing. Ramsay took this moment to invite the ponies into the converted town hall, which now doubled as the regulars’ headquarters.

As they walked towards it the ponies looked around at the newly erected wooden walls that surrounded the town. At first they thought this would be no problem for the pegasi or the unicorns, however as it turned out a few of the loyalists were either sharp shooters or duck hunters. A large target like a Pegasus would pose no problem. As for the unicorns… well save to say that they would simply be shot if they tried to enter without passing through the checkpoints.

The group finally settled down in the mayor’s old office, which had now been remade to look more akin to that of an English dwelling. Ramsay poured them some tea and left for a brief period to give some to the men on watch around the building. When he returned they all sat down to resume their storytelling and just as they were about to finish talking about their first encounter with discord the loud, fast paced beat of a drum sounded all over the town. Ramsay suddenly bolted upright, his face full of both anticipation and worry.

“They’re here.” He stated simply, walking over to a hat stand, removing his ammunition and weaponry from it and belting it to his waistline. The ponies watched as he shook his arms out and took a deep breath before moving to the door, the ponies in tow.

As they reached the main entrance they saw all of the other men arranging themselves into a standard combat position outside in the snow. As Ramsay began to make his way to the doorway Zane suddenly burst through a door.

“I’ve seen them, at least eighty, at most… a hundred.”  Zane said calmly, fondling a royal union flag that Rarity had kindly or not so kindly been forced to make for them. Zane then quickly left to join the rest of the men.

Ramsay sighed as he looked at the six ponies before him. The six ponies all looked back at Ramsay whose expression had once again become sullen.

“It would seem that I was mistaken about your leader being competent.” He whispered.

“No…” Twilight said taking a step towards the human as he made his way towards the door.

“Ramsay, wait!” Rainbow Dash yelled as she flew quickly to land in front of Ramsay who glowered back at her.

“Out of the way GIRL!” He spat.

“You don’t have to do this!” Rainbow pleaded.

“The princesses will forgive you if you surrender!” Rarity said as well as she stepped forward.

“Somehow I doubt that we can evade punishment at this time.” Ramsay said as he gently pushed Rainbow Dash out of the way.

When Ramsay reached his men her was immediately pointed to the front. Reluctantly he took the position at the lead, flanked by the two grenadiers. Ferris held a drum while Zane held some sort of flute. Behind them private Cassowary held a large Royal Union flag.

“Right then” Ramsay began “Let’s get on with the unpleasantries of battle.”

The two brothers began to play the Grenadiers March as the men began to move forwards. Directly behind Ramsay and the grenadiers were the regulars. They were followed by the loyalists who were in turn followed and flanked by the dragoons.

Steadily, and to the beat of the music they marched towards the opening gate. Ramsay had prepared for this and had a little surprise in the event of a direct assault.

~.~

The two regal Alicorn sisters looked at the sight before them. Never, since the beginning of their reign had any creature made a formal act of violent warfare, and yet here it lay before them like an unpleasant stain on their permanent records. The Royal guard was perched atop the same hill the regulars had first discovered the town from. From that position they could see the town beyond the wall.

“Twi…” Shining Armour said quietly as he looked over the wall at the Ponyville library where he hoped his sister hadn’t been harmed.

“Do not worry captain, they wouldn’t dare harm her.” Princess Celestia said with a comforting smile. Suddenly her expression became cold and she looked once more at Ponyville “And if they have then they're gonna have to deal with a very angry princess.”

The ponies all looked at Princess Celestia as she said this, having never heard her this angry before Luna thought it a good time to begin organizing for any confrontation that may arise.

“Well then it seems that they are going to remain inside their fortifications, prepare the siege equipment.” Luna said before turning to Celestia.

“Sister what do you…” Luna trailed off when she saw Celestia glaring at the town.

“What is it?” Shining Armour asked.

“They aren’t going to hide; they intend to meet us on the battlefield.” She said coldly.

“They can’t possibly intend to do that.” Luna said, shocked “we outnumber them! I only saw about fifty of them crossing the plains.”

“We don’t know what they are.” Celestia reminded her younger sibling “for all we know they don’t know any better.”

“Princess” Shining Armour suddenly said, fear entering his voice at he pointed a hoof at the gates which now opened.

The royal guards readied themselves as the sound of music reached their ears. The guards glanced at the princesses who looked intently at the entrance to Ponyville as a large amount of red clad beings emerged. The beat of a war drum sounded loud and instilled fear into the ponies. All of the guards looked to their leader who in turn glanced at the princesses.

“Princess Celestia.” Shining Armour whispered “what are they?”

The two princesses’ jaws dropped as they looked at the organized units of men march towards them through the snow.

It took a while for princess Celestia to answer but when she did it came out as a broken whisper.

“H-Humans.”

~.~

As they left the gates they saw the full extent of the military facing them. The ponies seemed almost Roman in nature, using crossbows and other outdated weapons rather than gunpowder and flint. However the one thing the regulars immediately noticed was the lack of discipline. Of course they had formed a line but it was sloppy, each platoon leader seemed to govern his own small army rather than obey their commanding officer. This would give them another desperately needed edge.

Ramsay’s jaw slackened as he looked at no less than a hundred ponies standing no more than two hundred yards from the gates. He was thankful that he had been trained to resist the impulse to run.

“Ramsay” Nicholas said walking up to stand next to his friend. “What’s the plan?”

“How should I bloody well know?” Ramsay whispered back angrily “who went insane and made me the commander?!”

“I think it was mutually agreed that you should take command after you saved our arses mate.” Nicholas smiled. “Come on then we’ll give em’ a right good thrashing and get along home.”

“I just hope Zane’s idea works.” Ramsay said.

Finally the soldiers came to a stop about fifty meters from the pony lines; Ramsay could clearly see their leaders. A figure that demanded respect on the battlefield, towering over the other guards were two majestic Alicorns. He would have brought up his looking glass had he not seen the white one look directly at him with a burning in her eyes that would have made even the most seasoned of men think twice.

“DIVIDE!” Ramsay yelled, collecting himself and focusing on the plan. “GROUPS OF EIGHT!”

The men split into three groups consisting of eight men each, with four crouching at the front and four standing at the back. Each group stood next to the other, providing a wall of red-coated fury with the dragoons lining up on the far left wing of the line.

~.~

Princess Celestia looked at the humans that stood before her and stuttered something that sounded like ‘Oh no…’

“Sister what do we do?” Luna whispered, sounding slightly worried.

“Try to convince them to surrender quietly.” Celestia said as she, her sister and Shining Armour walked forwards to the middle of the battlefield.

On the other side the humans seemed to converse before finally one began walking forward with two larger humans flanking him on each side. One of the two held a flag and the other held a large menacing axe with a drum at his side.

When they reached each other at the middle of the battlefield they did nothing but gaze at the other in quiet awe. Finally it was princess Celestia that broke the silence.

“I never thought I would see a human. You are supposed to be ancient myths and legends.” She said looking coldly at Ramsay who in turn shot her a cold, calculating smile.

“And yet here we are.” He said “I must say it is an honour to meet you and your sister.” He continued as he nodded at Luna.

“How did you get here?” Celestia asked, more forcefully than before. Though her tone would make anypony do her bidding it had quite the opposite effect on the human. Ramsay chuckled and shook his head.

“I cannot say.” Ramsay replied.

“Very well, then how do you know of me?” She continued.

“Oh your… student provided all the necessary answers.” Ramsay said, observing her reaction. He saw what he wanted when she gasped quietly and took a miniscule step back.

“If you have harmed Princess Twilight…” Celestia said in a quiet yet angry voice before being cut off by Ramsay who spoke in a quiet taunting voice as he revelled in the newfound information.

“She didn’t tell me she was of any significance, a princess no less! Well I shall have to pay a visit to her before this day is through.”

“If you so much as lay a finger on a single hair of her mane I swear I will dispense justice without restraint myself.”

Ramsay tried not to show how hard the coldness and sincerity of the words had hit him but he knew that with over one thousand years of experience the princess would have noticed his reaction. In an effort to redeem and refocus himself Ramsay then began bartering.

“Pull back your forces or we will all die here.”

Celestia looked back at him and responded in an equally emotionless tone.

“You should know that I cannot do that.”

“Very well” He said crisply “I’m sure young Twilight would love to cooperate…well, she will after I’m through with her.” Ramsay looked at Princess Celestia closely; his threat was, of course, a bluff. He could never hurt such a harmless creature, angry as he was at her hiding her true status from him.

“You, you wouldn’t!” Celestia challenged.

Ramsay simply looked back at her and raised his eyebrows.

“Wouldn’t I?”

He took Celestia hanging her head to be an adequate response

“Now then, this land is now part of the British Empire; you have my promise as a gentleman that we will neither harm nor expand further into your land for the duration of my command.”

“And what of my student?!” Celestia asked, taking a small step forwards.

“She will remain under our care until your forces withdraw.”

Suddenly Luna; tired of all the bartering that was going on stepped up beside her sister and glared at the human.

“And what is to stop us from attacking and overwhelming you? We both outnumber you and have the love of our subjects as added advantages!”

Ramsay sighed and looked at the two regal Alicorns.

“I am disappointed; I was told on good authority that you would be reasonable and forgiving princesses. It would seem that I was mistaken in believing this assumption, you would see us either die or be sent into the wilderness without provisions.”

The two princesses suddenly felt a pang of guilt. They knew that he was right on that one point, they had both let anger dictate their words and actions and in doing so had actually threatened military violence for the first time in their peaceful reign.

“I-I…” Celestia stuttered before Ramsay turned his back to her.

“Do not waste my time with talk. I have finished with this conversation.” He said as he began walking back to his companions.

“Don’t you dare turn your back on the princesses!” Shining Armour yelled taking a step forward.

Ramsay slowly turned and stared directly at the captain of the guard.

“You may attack, however I warn you that you will not achieve victory here through military conquest. We have been fighting long before we came to this pristine land! Your peace has made you soft, and leaders must be strong!”  He continued, clenching his fist in the air to make a point of strength before turning once again and beginning to move back to his men.

“Sometimes it requires a caring heart to be strong.” Celestia whispered making Ramsay double back slowly “you may have had leadership thrust upon you but we are the same. You just can’t handle the pressure of knowing that all these beings depend on you and you alone. So I will ask you, as one leader to another, please leave.”

Ramsay walked up to Celestia and bowed.

“It seems I was incorrect, you are a great leader.” He said taking her hoof in his hand and gently placing a kiss on it. He then stood to his full height and smiled maliciously “But I have no intention of giving up this land.”

Ramsay then turned to Luna and did the same, bowing and kissing her hoof lightly. He then began the short trek back to his men yelling as he went.

“I await your response with bated breath!”