The Sudden Engagement of Rarity

by lunabrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Spike, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia
Length: 7638

A new alicorn arrives in Ponyville, spouting lies and nonsense. Twilight wants him gone. Immediately.

1. I've seen too many bad OC's. CELESTIA MADE ME DO IT. I SWEAR.
2. PLEASE at least read it before disliking it. It's not what you think!

A new alicorn has arrived in Ponyville. Normally, this would be a good thing. But his fast talking attitude is going to quickly earn him a one way ticket to Banishment Camp if Twilight doesn't figure out where this nuisance came from. When even Pinkie Pie doesn't want to be your friend, you'd best pack your bags.

Unfortunately, this supposedly overpowered stallion just doesn't know when to quit, and Twilight wants him gone. While most of the town thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread, it's going to be up to her and her friends to convince the town that maybe once a while... alicorns aren't such a good thing.

Published 2014-01-23 00:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-30 16:54:26 UTC

An Unexpected Journeigh

Author's Note

I've been wanting to do this ever since attending "So your OC is an Alicorn" at Bronycon 2013... Oh, the horror stories from that panel I could tell...

An Unexpected Journeigh

The day started like any other. The sun came up, Spike complained that he wanted two more hours of sleep, Twilight reminded him that they risked getting behind in their schedule, which was absolutely out of the question. It was almost routine by now. Although slow paced, the morning kicked off with it's usual force. Spike had finally gotten out of bed and the checklist was ready to go.

"Spike, do you want some pancakes?" Twilight called from the kitchen.

"That's like asking if I want any sapphires. Or... rubies..." Spike sighed with fantasy satisfaction, drool spilling over the sides of his mouth. His stomach rumbled loudly at the mention of pancakes, even if they were usually hay flavored.

"Don't drool on my floor, Spike," Twilight reminded him. Despite the fact that she wasn't even in the same room, Spike quickly wiped his mouth.

"I wasn't!" Spike said, hurrying to the kitchen to help.

"You always drool when you talk about rubies. It's okay." She rubbed his head with a hoof. "I do the same thing when I think about writing new research papers."

"Well of course," Spike said dryly. "Someone mentions research papers and I just about jump out of my scales with excitement."

"Finally, someone understands!" Twilight seemed relieved at this revelation, and quickly set about finishing the task of making breakfast, with one less thing to worry about. "And here this whole time I thought I was the only one."

Breakfast didn't take long to make, and was well underway when the first of many daily knockings arrived outside the front door. It was a library, after all, and Twilight was always more than happy to help anypony in search of literary knowledge.

"Oooh, it's a bit early," Twilight remarked. "I always like to see ponies who just can't start the day without a bit of reading!" She trotted to the door, and swung it open. She blinked in surprise.

"Hi, Twilight!" The cross-eyed pegasus outside said, as cheerful as ever.

"Good morning, Derpy," Twilight said. "I wasn't expecting you, I don't believe you've paid me a visit in quite a while. I suppose you're here to return the book on optical illusions you borrowed? Wasn't it fascinating?" While speaking, Twilight ever so gradually centered herself in the center of the doorway. The last time Derpy had blazed through the library she'd been reorganizing for weeks afterward.

"Oh, that." Derpy said. "Nah, I took that book to the welfare office."

"You took it... to the welfare office... why?"

"Because the illusions weren't working."

Twilight's mouth opened and closed but no words came out. The twisted sense of logic in that decision was just absolutely staggering.

"You know, she's got a point," Spike pointed out. "But don't optical illusions only work for ponies who can-"

Twilight shoved a hoof in his mouth and just shook her head. "You continue to fascinate me, Derpy. I'll get the book later. Was there a reason for your visit?"

"Yes!" Derpy said. "I came to say congratulations!" She didn't say anything else just there, as if clearly anticipating that Twilight knew exactly what she was going on about. Or perhaps expecting gratitude of some kind.

Twilight slowly tilted her head. "Alright...? For..."

"Gosh, Twilight. You're supposed to be the brainy one. Obviously I just heard that your best friend is getting married, and wanted to give you my well wishes."

"Oh! Well that's very kind of you to- wait a minute! Who's getting married?!" A wave of deja vu washed over. Nopony ever told her anything these days, it seemed like.

"Rarity. I only just heard, I don't blame you if you haven't heard yet." Derpy's eyes widened. "Oh, but what if it was supposed to be a surprise? Please don't tell her I ruined the surprise!"

Twilight shook her head rapidly. "Back up, back up, back up."

"If you say so," Derpy said, and took a few steps backwards, almost instantly tripping over a rock. "I'm okay!" She assured the unicorn. "Now what?"

"No. Not... literally... never mind! You must have misheard, Rarity can't be getting married. She would have said..."

"But it's true! There's a flashy stallion in the Marketplace telling everyone!"

"We'll just see about that," Twilight said. "Something smells fishy here. Spike, get my saddlebag. We're going to get to the bottom of this."

"Can I come?" Derpy asked, as Spike fetched the necessary item.

"Of course," Twilight said. "You can be my Watson!"

"But my name's Derpy..." she said. "I don't want to be Watson."

Twilight facehooved. "Never mind. You can be my assistant, how's that?"

"Yay!" Derpy squealed, as Spike returned.

"Come on," Twilight said. "We're going to see about all this."

Spike closed the door behind him, and the trio marched into town. Be it Rarity, this mysterious stallion, or Derpy, somepony had a lot of explaining to do.

"So did you get a good look at this pony, while you were in town?" Twilight asked. "Any distinguishing characteristics?"

"What do you mean?" Derpy asked.

"I mean was there anything unusual about him? Did you see anything particularly memorable?"

"Not really," Derpy said. "There was a pretty big crowd, and I get uncomfortable in big crowds. Sometimes I feel like they're all staring at me. I don't like that."

"I understand," Twilight said. "Don't worry, we'll figure it out."

Quest For Knowledge

Living near the center of town proved advantageous, it meant a relatively short walk to most destinations within the city, and the Marketplace was only a few minutes away. It really wasn't all that difficult to find the source of information that Derpy had talked about. Most of Ponyville was abuzz with the news. Spike had to climb onto Twilight's back to push through the crowd, and Derpy pointed him out almost instantly.

"That's him!"

The stallion, much to Twilight's shock, turned out to be an alicorn. An alicorn who seemed to have fallen into a vat of Nightmare Night paint. His coat was an eyesore of red and black stripes, with a streak of neon green running through his mane. Twilight felt her confidence slowly returning.

"That's him? There's no way Rarity would marry a stallion like that. Look at him. He stands out more than a unicorn in Cloudsdale. She's far to particular, and besides. Nopony in their right minds would go out in public with their coat looking like that."

"Shh, I can't hear what he's saying!" Spike said.

"That's probably for the best," Twilight said. "But I'm supposed to be open and tolerant, let's get his side of the story first." She squeezed forward a bit more, while Derpy momentarily excused herself to dart off to a nearby bakery cart.

"Excuse me," Twilight said.

"...And the fire was just completely overwhelming. I couldn't see, I couldn't breathe, I had no idea where I was going. I was sure I was going to die that day. The heat was absolutely unbearable, and you can see where it scorched my coat. I used to be all red, you know. I wear these scorch marks as a reminder that terrible things can happen to good ponies. Reminds me to be humble, you know. Even orphans like me can sometimes make a difference. I just wish I could have saved the rest of those poor, helpless children."

"That's so brave," a nearby mare swooned. "It's not every day you hear of a stallion saving an orphanage."

"EXCUSE ME," Twilight said again, quite loudly this time. This got his attention.

"Well hey there, purple. What's up?"

Spike snickered. Twilight hushed him. "My name isn't purple, it's Twilight Sparkle. I couldn't help overhearing that you had wedding plans of some kind?"

"Oh yes, yes indeed. It's wonderful, isn't it?"

"Quite. Exactly who are you engaged to?"

"Rarity," he said casually.

"Which... Rarity?"

"Which Rarity? You must not get out much," he said, gesturing to the elaborately decorated Carousel Boutique. "The one and only, of course. Fabulous fashionista, and designer extraordinare."

"I see." Twilight said. "So you won't mind if I go on over there and talk to her about her wedding plans?"

"Go right ahead," he said, with such confidence that Twilight didn't like him one bit. "But hurry up, we have dinner plans. She's meeting my parents tonight."

"I thought you said you were an orphan," Twilight countered.

The alicorn paled. "I... uh... well, not literally," he said quickly. "I mean, my parents and I don't really get along, so what I meant was sometimes I feel like an orphan. It wasn't actually MY orphanage... you know."

"...Right," Twilight said. And without another word, strode of towards Carousel Boutique. She had a feeling somepony was going to be in very deep trouble by the end of all this.

Marching right up to the front door of Carousel Boutique, she pounded her front hoof on the door. The reply was kind, yet firm.

"Very busy at the moment, would whomever it is be a dear and kindly come back shortly? I'm dreadfully behind."

"Rarity! It's Twilight! It's important!"

The door swung open moments later. "Well why didn't you say so, darling? I've always got time for you. Whatever is the matter?"

"There's a stallion in town telling everyone you're marrying him. Is this true?"

Rarity looked absolutely appalled. "Absolutely not. I'm married to my work, you know that."

"Well the entire town seems to think otherwise."

Biting down on her hoof, the unicorn groaned with dismay. "This is terrible, just terrible! I've worked so hard to establish my image, and now some fancy pants stallion thinks he can just get away with telling lies about me!? How repulsive... where is this ruffian?! I shall settle this and give him a piece of my mind at once!"

"That's what I was hoping you'd say," Twilight said. "Derpy is keeping an eye on him, if we hurry we can still catch him."

Rarity locked the door and charged her way forward, having never looked so incredibly determined before. But, alas, ponies were already dispersing from where they'd been gathered, and the alicorn was nowhere to be seen.

Twilight looked around for Derpy, who was staring at bottles of orange juice on a nearby cart. She rushed over.

"Derpy! What's going on? Where is he?"

"Where's who?"

"The alicorn! He was just here, and has a lot to answer for!"

"Oh. As soon as you left he said he had to go. I don't know where he went."

Rarity twitched. "He could be spreading his lies all over who KNOWS where. We must put an end to this at once. And just whatever are you doing, exactly?"

"Watching the orange juice," Derpy said.

"Why?"

"Cause it says concentrate! Look!" She pointed. "So I did, but nothing happened."

Rarity facehooved.

Sour Apples

In the brief moments it had taken Twilight to interrogate Rarity and assure herself that the world was not, in fact, coming to an end, the mysterious alicorn had managed to give her the slip. This bothered her more than anything, as clearly there were shenanigans going on, and when such things threatened the imagery of her friends, that just didn't sit well with her. So Twilight rushed off into the crowd, desperate to track down the alicorn who was making such spectacle, and put him in his place.

In the meantime, all the way across town, somepony else happened to be making a spectacle of themselves, and it was rather painfully embarrassing to watch.

Applejack and her family had just spent the weekend making a small batch of cider. Small by comparison, in that it wasn't anywhere near Cider Season standards. Enough for a couple of weeks, dished out secretly among the family and a few close friends and relatives. Big Macintosh stood as intimidating as ever near the door of the farm, taking a brief moment to escape from the heat outside. There were always chores to do, and he didn't want to push his limits. He instead was keeping a close eye on the purplish pony who sat on a stool at the counter, approvingly testing the latest batch of cider which had recently been finished.

Applejack stood nearby, both amazed and alarmed at how much cider had gone into this pony.

"Dontcha think y've had enough there, Berry?" She asked kindly.

"You tell me when I've had enough!" Berry Punch slurred.

"Er... what?"

"I said... I'll tell you when you've had enough!" Berry said again, before rising from her stool and almost immediately falling on her face.

Applejack glanced at Macintosh, who moved from where he was standing and easily pushed her outside.

"Ya do know that's just regular cider, right?" Applejack asked.

"I can find my own way home, thanks..." Berry said, stumbling out towards the gate.

Frowning, the younger sibling looked to the elder. "Ya don't suppose she's sneakin' anythin' else in there, do ya? Ah'd hate tah get a bad reputation. Make sure she gets home alright."

"Yup," was the usual reply, and Macintosh set off after the questionable example of self control, while Applejack sniffed suspiciously at the mug Berry had been using. Nopony was gonna make a fool out of this farm, not on her watch. She especially didn't want anypony getting ideas that Sweet Apple Acres was secretly intoxicating its guests. That just wouldn't do at all.

Not finding what she was looking for, she prepared to head back out across the field when her eye was caught by a pony kicking one of the apple trees. Normally this was not unusual behavior, but judging by his obnoxiously bright coloring, he certainly didn't belong there.

It only took a minute or two to trot over to him, who Applejack noted with quite some surprise had both wings and a horn. By this time he had already succeeded in obtaining several apples, and was greedily munching one.

"Can ah help ya?" A kindly query, nothing unusual.

"Nah, just needed to find a quick bite. You know how it is," the stallion said. "I've been searching for a proper caterer for my wedding, but nothing seems good enough."

"Well congratulations on yer weddin', but these here apples don't belong ta you," she informed him. "We work hard to grow em and care for em, and that ain't easy. Now you didn't know, so ah'll letcha slide this time. But they ain't free."

"I'll keep that in mind, thanks," the alicorn said, while biting into yet another apple.

Applejack frowned. "Maybe y'didn't understand me, ah'd very kindly like ya to stop eatin' those apples, less of course you'd like to pay for em."

"No thank you," the stallion said, tossing a core on the ground.

Fuming, the country pony fought to keep her patience.

"Now just who do y'think y'are?" She asked.

"Bloodrayne," he said.

She paused at that. "Seriously?"

"Yes," he said. "My name's Bloodrayne."

"That's a terrible name. Who in the hay would name their colt that? And that still doesn't excuse you from stealin'!"

"I'm not stealing," the alicorn said. "You just said I was excused."

"For the first apple, after which ah very kindly explained the situation. The second apple just means yer dumb or itchin' for a rodeo, and ah don't think yer dumb."

"Very well, I'll get my fruit properly elsewhere. Sorry to trouble you," he smiled in a way that Applejack didn't like at all, and turned to leave. Applejack swept a hoof over the cores he'd left behind.

"Y'can at least clean up yer mess, y'know!" She said.

Bloodrayne smiled calmly. "I could. But I won't," he said, and walked away. Applejack threw her hat down on the ground, her eye twitching. Apple Bloom began to head in her direction, concerned by the direction the conversation had been going. The entire conversation with the alicorn had taken mere minutes, and it was still one of the most unpleasant encounters Applejack could ever remember having.

"Who was that?" The filly asked.

"That, Bloom, was trouble," she said. "And ah don't like trouble, any more'n ah like violence. There's only one way to deal with this," she said. "The most violently peaceful way to put an end to trouble."

Apple Bloom frowned. "You don't mean..."

"Oh, ah mean. You watch the farm for a bit. Go on and git back in the house, ah don't want ya talkin' to him. Ah'm gonna pay a little visit to the bakery."

Everypony's Waifu

The bakery was always buzzing with activity. Ponies filtered in and out at impressive speeds, although not every single one of them was making purchases. Many were simply dropping off their heartfelt thank you's and other such methods of gratitude towards Ponyville's resident party planner, who never seemed to be able to sit still for more than a minute. Pinkie was outside selling lemonade, or Fun-Ade as she had it advertised, eagerly trying to make a few extra bits to fund her party supplies.

"Hi, Applejack!" She waved. "Did you come to try my super delicious Fun-Ade too?" In a moment she had bounced out from behind the counter and whispered in the country pony's ear. "I make it myself with special ingredients. Do ya wanna know the super secret ingredient?"

"Actually," Applejack began, "That's not why why ah'm..."

"It's an extra dose of fun," Pinkie whispered. "But shhh, don't tell anypony."

"Ah promise," Applejack said. "But ah gotta talk to ya. We got a problem. Somethin's rotten in Ponyville."

"Oh, no! Is it the batter? I thought it smelled funny... and not the good kind of funny, either." The party pony quickly put up a 'BACK SOON' sign on her stall, politely explaining to those in line that a friend was in trouble and she was needed. Friends came before bits!

"No, it ain't that. It's a new pony ah ain't never seen before."

Pinkie gasped. "New pony?! Why was I not informed?! Who is it? Tell me tell me tell me!" Pinkie vibrated slightly as the two walked further away from the

"It's an alicorn, and now ah don't usually use language like this, and ah ain't proud of it, but there ain't any other way to put it. He's a no good yellow bellied rock licker." She made a face. "Ah feel dirty already. But there it is."

"Hope you don't talk like that with foals around," Pinkie warned. "Are you sure it's an alicorn? They're supposed to be super duper rare, but it seems like they're all over lately. What with Cadance and... okay, that's really the only example I have, but still. Next thing you know one of us is gonna be an alicorn."

"Ah highly doubt that," Applejack assured her. "That's jes' silly. No, his name's Bloodrunner or Bleeding Heart or some awful name like-"

"Bloodrayne?" Pinkie asked.

"...Yeah, that's it. How in the hay didja know that?"

Pinkie had gone very quiet, and the color drained from her face. She had stopped moving, and stood still, as if someone had frozen her.

"Ah don't think ah've ever seen ya stay in one place that long, y'alright?"

Pinkie didn't answer.

Applejack waved a hoof in front of her face. "Hey, y'alright?"

"I have to go," Pinkie said suddenly. "I can't help you right now, sorry." And with that she bolted inside with lightning speed, leaving a perplexed Applejack to follow her.

"Now wait just a minute!"
***
Fluttershy's Cottage

Ponyville

1:37pm
***

The gently singing chorus of birds which resounded within the cottage was nothing new, especially not for the animals which resided there. Fluttershy had spent the better part of the afternoon trying to convince a wounded otter to eat, and hadn't had any luck whatsoever.

She sighed. "Maybe you'll feel better in a few hours, I'll try again then," she said.

"Maybe he just doesn't like the food," Rainbow Dash offered, curled up on the couch with Daring Do and the Lost Expedition.

"Everypony has to eat things they don't like sooner or later, and lots of times things that are good for us don't taste that good."

"Can't you just give him fish or something?"

"He needs more than fish to get better, Dash!"

"Alright, alright, sorry."

A buzzing at the door echoed throughout the cottage, and caught both ponies off guard. Fluttershy looked alarmed. "Dash, would you get that? I still have several salads to prepare." Angel stomped his foot irritably and glared upwards at her.

"...and an ice cream sundae," she added.

Rainbow shrugged and closed her book, much to the annoyance of the small chipmunks who had gathered nearby and subsequently had their chair disturbed as Dash rose to get the door and swung it open.

"Can I help you?" She asked. "Oooh, nice wings. Not as good as mine, but they're alright."

"I would hope you can help me," Bloodrayne said. "I'm getting married soon, and I need your help."

"Uh... I think you have the wrong pony, pal." Rainbow Dash said. "Who are you getting married to? Maybe I can point you in a different direction."

Bloodrayne just smiled. "You," he said, in an all too calm manner which gave Rainbow Dash such chills that she slammed the door in his face.

Fluttershy jumped. "Who was it?"

"Just a crazy pony. Creep."

A loud banging came from outside the door.

"I won't rest until the ceremony is over, Rainbow Dash! Just say yes now, make it easier on yourself!"

Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes. "Oh, I'm going to kick him SO hard..." she said. "Fluttershy, get Twilight. And pray she gets here before that creep gets in."

"Can't we just ask him politely to go away?"

"Now, Fluttershy! Go!"

With a squeak, the pegasus bolted out the back door, flying as quickly as she could towards town. She had to get to Twilight, and fast. Rainbow Dash had that look again, and she knew very well what that look meant.

Somepony was getting hurt today.

Good Intentions

Applejack followed the unusually quiet pink pony into Sugarcube Corner. Where downstairs ponies filtered in and out as they pleased, going about their business, upstairs was another matter. Applejack couldn't remember exactly when the last time was she'd been up to Pinkie's bedroom, though it was exactly as she recalled it.

Bright posters covered the walls, held up by sticky tape. Photographs of various parties she'd planned were framed and filled with smiling faces. Streamers were everywhere, and Gummy sat in the middle of all of it, a blank expression on his face as if he didn't know exactly what was going on at all.

"Are ya gonna explain to me what's goin' on or not?" Applejack demanded. She had seen Pinkie act all sorts of strange ways before, but there was something different about this particular situation that bothered her.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Pinkie said.

"Ah ain't never seen ya without a smile on yer face, and as soon as ah mentioned Bloodrayne y'all looked more outta sorts than a rattlesnake in a vegetable garden."

Pinkie frowned. "Don't rattlesnakes usually live in gardens?" She asked.

"That's not the... alright, fine! A water bug in a desert!"

"What would a water bug be doing in a desert, anyway?"

Applejack threw her hat down on the ground. "Ah ain't good at metapods!"

"I think you mean metaphors. There's no such thing as a metapod."

"Yeah, those. Now listen, somethin's goin on here, Honesty is mah thing, ah know when somepony's bein' bothered. Now ah can't help ya until ya let me know what's goin' on. Ah ain't gonna ask ya again now. Tell me why yer so upset about Bloodrayne," she said.

Pinkie sighed, and very slowly lowered her head. "Because," she said quietly. "I created him."

There was a long moment of silence between them before the country pony spoke again.

"What?"

Pinkie slowly moved to sit by the window, and looked out at the streets below. "I've never told anypony this, but it's really hard being me. I love what I do and everypony I do it for, you all know that. But it's really really hard being happy and cheerful all the time. I get angry. I get upset. I get hurt. And everypony expects so much of me, I try not to ever let them see it. Not if I can help it."

Applejack looked stunned. "Sugarcube, ah didn't..."

"So when I start to feel like that, I write. I take all my anger and mean feelings and I pour them into this stupid pony I made called Bloodrayne, a pony who's everything I'm not."

"But that don't explain how he got out here, an' now he's wanderin' around Celestia knows where tryin' to marry Rarity." She paused. "Why is he trying to marry Rarity? Did you write that as well?"

Pinkie's ears turned bright red. "Well I had to ship him with SOMEPONY, and I couldn't decide, because you're all my super duper best friends. And he was just a story and I was never gonna show it to anypony, so... I shipped him with all of you," she admitted.

"Great," Applejack said.

"Don't tell the others," Pinkie said. "Please, please don't tell! I have a reputation! If ponies knew I got upset sometimes, they'd..."

"They'd not think of you any different," Applejack finished. "Ah think yer puttin' too much expectation on yourself. Nopony can be happy all the time, Pinkie. It ain't possible."

"But I have to try!" Pinkie said. "How can I make ponies happy if I'm not happy myself?"

Applejack shook her head. "We'll discuss this later. In the meantime, where are ya writin' all yer stories at? Can ya show me?"

Pinkie nodded, and rummaged underneath her bed. A housecat sprang out from underneath, gasped for breath, and bolted desperately out the door.

"Oooh, Colonel Cupcake! He's been lost since last week!" Pinkie said, pulling out a new looking binder from underneath the bed.

"Isn't that the organizer Twilight gotcha fer Hearth's Warming? She said y'were supposed to use it to make lists."

"Nopony makes lists, Applejack," Pinkie said. "I use it for my stories."

"And now your stories are coming to life," Applejack warned. "Ah think we'd best get to Twilight's Library, for all we know she coulda put some magic doohickey on it. We gotta stop this. Grab yer stories, and lets go."

"No," Pinkie said.

"...Beg pardon?"

"I said I didn't want anypony knowing about my stories, it's embarrassing!" Pinkie seemed genuinely afraid that others wouldn't take kindly to her being anything less than her perfectly cheerful self.

"Pinkie, do ya trust me?"

"Of course."

"Then ah say this as one of yer true friends... stop bein' so silly. Ah don't think any less of ya fer knowin' ya feel down now and again, and Twilight won't either. We helped ya stop talkin' to turnips, didn't we?"

"I thought we said we'd never talk about that again."

"Yeah, well, yer bein' ridiculous. Now ah ain't gonna ask ya again. Grab yer stories, and let's go. We have an alicorn what needs erasin' from existence."

"Okay," Pinkie said. "I'll go."

Applejack paused by the bedroom door as Pinkie gathered her things. "Is he really as bad as you say he is?"

"Yes," the party pony replied. "He is. He's hatred and jealousy and egotistical and sadness and everything I don't want to be. He's as smooth as silk with the mares and as relentless as the water that makes the canyons. He was never meant to be anything more than secrets on a page, a way to make myself feel better, and now he's running around Ponyville and I don't know what to do."

"I can think of a few things," Applejack said, and Pinkie followed her out the door.

Pinkie's Confession

With Fluttershy having explained to Twilight what the situation was, Twilight had dropped her studies at once. And that was not an easy thing to do. Getting her to put down a book took an act of immense importance from a very good friend, and that was exactly what this situation had turned into.

"I don't understand," Twilight said. "I've never heard of this Bloodrayne character before, and I'm usually very good with names. Especially horrible names like that one."

"None of us know who he is," Fluttershy said, the two of them making their way back to her cottage at a brisk pace. "The only ones we haven't heard from are Applejack and Pinkie, and if Pinkie doesn't know who it is, then he truly must be exceptional."

"No kidding," Twilight said, and stopped short. "Never mind walking, Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash might be in trouble. Should have just done this in the first place."

Fluttershy looked frightened. "Wait, what are you-"

Too late. The two vanished from physical space in a flash of purple light, appearing moments later on Fluttershy's front porch.

"I could have walked..." the pegasus squeaked.

"Nonsense, you're perfectly safe," Twilight said reassuringly. Swinging open the door, she was promptly tackled to the ground by a blue blur as quick as lightning.

"Gotcha, scumbag!" Rainbow Dash announced. It took her an embarrassingly long second or two to realize that the pony she had pinned to the ground was purple, and not, in fact, red or black.

"Very impressive, Rainbow Dash," Twilight deadpanned. "Was that the Powerslam Maneuver? I haven't seen that performed since Cloud Assault versus Armor Tank. 2007, I think?"

Rainbow slowly let her up. She looked stunned. "Wait, YOU know wrestling?"

"Knowledge favors the prepared," Twilight said. "I know lots of things. But that's a matter for another time. Where is Bloodrayne? I want a word with him."

"He... he was right here..." Dash said. "I had him cornered!"

"Fluttershy said he was an alicorn," Twilight said.

"Well yes, but..."

"Which means he has a horn."

"Well yes, but..."

"So did you consider maybe he teleported?"

Rainbow paled. "But that's cheating!"

"Cheating, no. Cowardly, yes. We need to find him so I can block his magic with a jamming signal. I say we spread out, and find him."

"But he could be anywhere..." Fluttershy said.

"He teleported in a moment of stress, presumably without much of a chance to prepare a proper spell. Chances are he went somewhere closeby that he's familiar with. I suggest we begin at the marketplace," Twilight said.

"Twi!" Applejack came running up over the hill, Pinkie close behind.

"Ah'm so glad we found you, we've been looking everywhere!"

Pinkie looked hesitant. "Do we have to tell her?"

"Yes!"

Twilight frowned. "Tell me what? Is it about Bloodrayne?"

"Yes," Applejack said. "And it's a doozy."

Twilight twitched slightly. "I am not a fan of doozies," she said. "I'll be the judge of that."

"Well, see, it's like this..." Pinkie began.

In the middle of the marketplace, the sudden appearance of a red and black alicorn caused more than a few surprised looks. His horn ached with it's sudden use regarding lack of preparation, teleportation would be unavailable for a short period. Well at least he was away from that annoying fruity haired loudmouth.

Knocking his way to the front of the line at a nearby muffin stall, he glared at the protesting queue. "Alicorn privilege," he announced. "You don't like it, go somewhere else."

Most of the ponies were too afraid to argue, and said nothing. But the crosseyed pegasus at the front of the line shot him a dirty look. "You can't do that, I've been waiting here!"

"Yeah?" Bloodrayne asked. "Flip you for it." He held out a bit in his hoof. "Heads I win, tails you lose."

The pegasus thought about it for a moment. "That seems fair, I guess..."

The bit flipped into the air and landed on the ground. Bloodrayne smirked. "I win. Sorry." With that, he grabbed two muffins, paid, and whacked the pegasus in the face with his tail as he left.

"Aw, man... I never win coin flips..." Approaching the counter, the latter pony sighed with relief. "Three, please."

The vendor looked ashamed. "I'm sorry, those were actually the last two I had. You'll have to come back tomorrow once I've had a chance to bake more. Sorry, Derpy. You're an excellent customer, I just don't have any left." Understandably, this was met with a chorus of protests from the line behind the pegasus.

Shaking with rage, Derpy watched the alicorn leave, paying no attention to the heartbroken pegasus he'd left behind. He wasn't going to get away with this.

"I will end you..." Derpy muttered.

The muffin vendor looked concerned. "What was that?"

Derpy brightened up again. "I said... um... I like fondue?"

"Oh!" The vendor replied cheerfully. "So do I, miss. So do I."

As the line of muffin hopefuls dispersed, Derpy slowly made her way after the direction that the alicorn had gone in, with the intent to follow him. He'd taken advantage of her, and he was about to have a very unpleasant afternoon. There was all sorts of evil and cruel things she could do to him. She was particularly fond of the thought of finding out where he lived, and switching around the numbers on his house and mailbox so his mail would never make it to the right address. Mass confusion! Misplaced packages! That'd show him!

Operation B.R.A. (Battle Ready Alicorn)

A few details had changed, as plans tended to do. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were still searching for Bloodrayne as planned, but he wasn't turning up. Fluttershy had gotten distracted by a hummingbird with a hurt wing, and so Rarity had not yet been filled in of the situation. Left to themselves, Twilight and Pinkie had met up at last, and all their cards had been laid out on the table. They-

"Cards? What cards? Are we playing Go Fish?!"

What... no... how are... let me finish my story!

"Aww..."

ANYWAY. The two friends had made their way to Rarity's Boutique, where they were intent on putting an end to BloodRayne's nonsense once and for all. Twilight was all ready to plow right through the front door and aggressively start questioning Rarity about her taste in stallions, but Pinkie held her back. Quite literally, at that, and having your tail pulled was not pleasant.

"Pinkie, let go!" Twilight yelped.

"You can't just barge in there! You have to do it in style!" Pinkie said, and proceeded to knock rhythmically upon the front door.

*knock knock knock*

"Rarity?"

*knock knock knock*

"Rarity?"

*knock knock knock*

"Rarity?"

Twilight glared at her.

"What?" Pinkie asked. "We can't just barge in, she might be naked or something."

"We're ponies, Pinkie!"

"That doesn't excuse a lack of proper manners."

"Oh for the love of..." Twilight grabbed a hold of the door with her horn and swung it open, gasping in dismay as her eyes nearly bulged at the scene in front of her.

"I warned you," Pinkie said, noting Twilight's face.

Rarity was not, in fact, naked. She was the opposite of naked. She had her hair pinned up with dozens of decorative pins, a feat that looked as if that alone had taken several hours. A silver pendant hung around her neck, and below her neck was a cascading torrent of white, trailing material.

"Rarity..." Twilight croaked. "You're..."

"Getting married," the unicorn said pleasantly.

"Please tell me it's not to-"

"BloodRayne. He's quite charming."

Twilight did not like this. "You thought differently when last we spoke, as I recall."

"And a girl can't change her mind? Isn't that what girls are known for?"

"She has a point," Pinkie said.

"That's not... no!" Twilight said. "I will not allow this! BloodRayne is a nuisance and he must be dealt with! Everything about him is awful and unnecessary!"

"You're just angry because I'm getting married and Flash Sentret won't return your messages," Rarity said.

"What does... that's not it at all!" Twilight said. "And his name's not Sentret!"

"I should hope not. Sentrets are a Normal type, and you're anything but Normal," Pinkie said cheerfully. "Like me!"

Twilight ignored her. "Rarity, I'm putting a stop to this. Right now. I'm putting an end to this nonsense to protect you. For starters, where did you get that necklace? I've never seen it before."

"BloodRayne gave it to me," Rarity said. "Isn't it darling?"

Twilight grunted. "Classic... Pinkie, I need to deal with this. Get out of here and find Bloodrayne. You remember what we talked about?"

"I remember everything ever," Pinkie said.

"Then go! And I Pinkie Promise I won't bring encyclopedias to your next party as gifts! Again."

"Done!" The party pony announced, and raced out the door. The scene behind her had quickly been spiraling out of control, and she skidded around the corner, her eyes open for an opportunity to help her friends. At that very moment, Derpy was galloping towards her from the direction of the Marketplace, and Pinkie waved.

"Hi!" She called.

"I'm gonna kill Bloodrayne," Derpy said.

"Whoa, now! There's no call for anypony to be killing anypony! That's what meanies do! What'd he do to you?"

"He tricked me!" Derpy said.

"What?! I'll kill him!" Pinkie said. "No.. wait... we just discussed that. I've got a better idea. Do you know where he went?"

"He was in the Market, but he keeps teleporting away as soon as anypony gets close to him," Derpy said.

"Hmmm." Pinkie thought for a moment, before an alarm clock rang out loudly over top of her head with such force that Derpy nearly fell over. "I've got it!" Pinkie announced. "Come on!" She ran towards the town boundary, Derpy following in confusion.

"Here we are!" Pinkie announced, standing next to the small lake that bordered Fluttershy's cottage.

"What are we doing here?" Derpy asked.

"Easy, BloodRayne keeps hitting on mares, so all we need to do is lure him. I'll do the rest. Just stand there like that. Good, now lift your nose... good... okay now lie down and cross your front legs just so... perfect! Don't move! Just stay there and stay still."

"I'm helping!" Derpy said.

"Gee, I sure wish I had somepony to race right now," Pinkie said loudly.

Out of nowhere, Rainbow Dash burst through the clouds. "What? Race? Did somepony say race?!"

Pinkie pulled her down, and whispered something in the ear of the pegasus. Rainbow looked confused at first, then burst into a grin. She flew over Derpy's head with a cloud, and stomped upon it several times. A large torrent of rain soaked the pegasus, who gasped and sputtered, sitting as told in quite an attractive position, her wet mane falling into her eyes, the rain trickling slowly down her back towards her-

"Well hello there," BloodRayne said, flashing into existence with such flair that Rainbow couldn't help but gag a bit. "I couldn't help noticing you were all wet... and all alone."

"Now, Pinkie!" Derpy shouted.

"What?" BloodRayne said, whirling around in alarm.

Pinkie already had her enchanted notebook out, and was scribbling away at her drawings. BloodRayne's horn glowed as she scribbled, a glow that was quickly dampened as his horn was quite literally erased from his skull.

"Hah!" Rainbow and Pinkie high-hooved.

"What is this?!" BloodRayne demanded.

"End of the line, alicorn," Rainbow said. "This ends now."

---To Be Concluded---

End Times

"What's the meaning of this?" BloodRayne demanded.

"Your hourglass has run out of sand, punk." Pinkie said.

Rainbow whistled. "There's no need for such foul language, Pinkie."

BloodRayne snarled at the both of them. "Look, I don't know what kinda tricks you two think you're up to, but knock it off. You lot have been against my marrying your friend since day one, and your attitudes have lost all their charm. I'm going to marry that mare whether you like it or not, so you might as well accept it."

"I don't think so, BloodRayne," came an annoyed voice from behind him, prompting the red and black alicorn to turn around angrily.

Twilight, Applejack and Rarity stood behind, the latter completely free of her earlier bridal getup.

"What... I thought..." BloodRayne frowned. "Rarity, shouldn't you be getting ready for our wedding?"

"As if I ever had any intention of marrying the likes of you!" Rarity snapped.

"What?!"

Twilight snorted. "I removed your little wedding charm, BloodRayne. You must think we're idiots if that's all you can come up with."

"Oldest trick in the book," Applejack added.

"Wait, there's a book on this? Why haven't I read it?" Twilight looked at the country pony, who was facepalming hard.

"There isn't a- never mind."

Pinkie raised her notebook again, continuing her scribbling. "We're putting an end to this, BloodRayne. You never should have existed!"

BloodRayne charged towards her, and she only had time to erase one of his wings before his body slammed into her. Her notebook flew up into the air, and Twilight grabbed it with her horn before it could hit the ground.

The one winged hornless alicorn rolled in the dirt with the party pony, both of them kicking and rolling. Twilight turned to look at Rarity, her eyes intent with focus. "Get them apart, Rarity."

"Me?! But they're all dirty!"

"Only Pinkie can get rid of him, we have to get them apart!"

Rarity sighed, and plowed forward into the dirt, cringing with distaste.

"Both of you, stop it at once!" She announced.

No such luck.

"BloodRayne, darling, you're going to be all dirty for our wedding," Rarity whined. The words felt like acid in her mouth, but had the desired effect of causing the former-alicorn to stop in his tracks and give her his attention. Pinkie bolted off towards Twilight.

"I knew you'd come to your senses," BloodRayne said.

"Well, I just couldn't stop looking at your beautiful...." She gagged a bit on her own words.

Pinkie retrieved the notebook from Twilight, immediately began erasing again.

BloodRayne's other wing vanished from existence, and he groaned with dismay. "An earth pony?! My beautiful wings..."

"There's nothin' beautiful about arrogance, BloodRayne!" Applejack shouted.

"If you say so," BloodRayne said.

Pinkie increased her erasing, removing the villain's legs and tail. The remaining head and body spewed profanities, and Rarity cringed.

"That's disgusting," she said. "But... isn't this murder?"

"No," Twilight said. "It's not. Because he's an artificial creation of somepony's mind."

"What? Who would create something as hideous as an emo red and black alicorn?"

Pinkie looked at the ground in dismay. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it..."

Rarity's mouth dropped, and she flung a hoof to her forehead. "Pinkie... created... that? Oh... I don't feel well..." A couch appeared directly behind her, and the unicorn flung herself upon it.

Pinkie continued her erasing, the majority of those present instinctively averting their eyes as the deed was finished. Pinkie tore the erased page from the organizer, crumpling it up and throwing it upon the ground. Twilight's horn glowed, and the paper burst into flames.

Pinkie looked out upon the field, now empty except for her friends.

"It's finally over..." Pinkie said. "He's gone."

Twilight glared at Pinkie. "I want my organizer back," she said.

Alicorn Away! Just Four Easy Payments of 9.95!

"You did what?!" Twilight asked. Pinkie had reluctantly filled her in, on Applejack's insistence.

"I wrote my story in that pretty planner notebook thingy you gave me! It was so nice of you to give me an organizer instead of another book, since I'm not really all that big on reading. Unless it's reading hooves, Madame Pinkie is really good at that."

"This isn't about hoof reading, Pinkie!" Twilight insisted. "That wasn't just a regular organizer, it was an enchanted organizer!"

"Come again?" Applejack asked.

"I know Pinkie sometimes has a short attention span, and gets very busy, so I crafted a spell that would make reality whatever she wrote down. If she wrote she had to fill up balloons, her balloons would be filled."

"Twilight! That's dangerous!" Fluttershy asked.

"I put limitations on it! I wasn't going to let her use it as a Death Note or anything! I very clearly explained everything in the manual, under the Terms and Conditions! Didn't you read the Terms and Conditions?"

"No..." Pinkie admitted. "There was like, fifty pages of them."

"Those are there for a reason!" Twilight scolded. "What kind of pony wouldn't read the Terms and Conditions? What kind of pony would just press onward, blindly?"

Applejack looked at the ground.

Fluttershy looked out the window.

Rainbow Dash rubbed her neck.

Pinkie bounced up and down. "Oh! Oh! Memememe! I'm that kind of pony!"

Twilight facehooved. "All of you are terrible. And I'll lecture you on it later. But for now, we need to fix this. Pinkie, get your organizer and the quill you write your stories with. It has to be that quill, very important.

"Applejack, you and Rainbow Dash get to the market and corner that alicorn. Do not let him teleport away."

"Right!" Dash said. "How do we do that?"

"Challenge him. Make him show off. If you tire him, he won't be able to teleport. Teleporting takes a lot of effort, and you two are good at competitions."

"Y'got that right," Applejack said. "Finally something ah can be useful with!"

"Fluttershy, you go tell Rarity about everything that happened. She's locked herself up in her Boutique and won't come out."

"Got it!" Fluttershy said, and scurried away.

Twilight scrunched up her face. "Let's finish this, once and for all."