Drive It Like You Stole It!
Author's Note
Bored brony writes random one-shot involving two absolutely adorable fillies driving a car. Front page news ensues.
Drive It Like You Stole It!
It was a wonderful day in the town of Ponyville! The sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and the bees were buzzing! Yes sir, it was a B-E-A-utiful day! A small, white unicorn filly and her sole companion, who happened to be orange and had a purple mane were trotting happily down the middle of said town, not a care in the world! Currently, they were heading towards a library, which was a hollow tree, that was owned by their friend, Twilight Sparkle. See, they were trying to acquire their cutie marks, which were certain symbolic tattoo-like marks that appeared on the pony's flank when they found their special skill. These two fillies, plus another who was sick with the H1Pone flu and couldn't accompany them, were determined to find these marks by any means necessary.
"Sweetie Belle, do you really think that Twilight will have an idea on how we can get our cutie marks?" The orange one said, "I mean, we've tried just about everything."
"Well, we haven't tried to do the obvious. You are good with stunts on that scooter of yours, Apple Bloom is good with building and repairing things, and I'm good at singing, but that's, as I said, obvious. We need to think outside the box." The unicorn, who we can now refer to as Sweetie Belle said, probably recieving a few facepalms from certain creatures in another dimension. But, come on, that's impossible. Other habitable worlds among the almost infinite number of stars? Twilight becoming an alicorn is more likely.
Scootaloo went on to say, pointing at the now visible tree, which for some reason was still alive despite the obvious fact that it was hollow inside and lacked the required components that allowed a tree to be alive, "Well, okay then. There's Twilight's house."
Sweetie Belle, still smiling and looking onward said with no lack of sarcasm, "Good job, Captain Obvious! I would never have known that had you not pointed that out! Ten points to Gryffindor!"
Scootaloo tilted her head at such a strange name. Gryffindor? Oh well. She said, rather annoyed, "Ha ha, you're so funny I forgot to laugh!"
Sweetie's grin increased to a size that would rival a pony with a fixated, botox smile, "You say this right after you say 'ha ha'. You should listen to yourself sometime."
Scootaloo didn't reply, but merely grumbled in greater annoyance than the former. After a couple minutes of awkward silence and clopping of the hooves as they trotted down the path, they had reached their desired destination. Scootaloo stepped up to the door and knocked three times with her right hoof. She stepped back to stand next to her companion and they were soon greeted by a familar purple unicorn.
"Hello, girls! Is there something you needed?" The purple librarian said, looking down at the fillies before her. Inside, the two youngsters could see Spike the dragon cleaming up a pile of books that was, undoubtedly, caused by the grown mare in front of him. There was no shortage of distaste and great annoyance upon the young dragon's facial features.
Sweetie was the first to speak among the duo, "Yeah, there is. Do you possibly have any idea what we can do for our cutie marks? I know this is a bit sudden, but we've done everything that we can think of! And, since you're the smartest pony we know, we thought we'd ask you. Apple Bloom is sick so it's just us."
The purple mare's face lit up like the Fourth of July, whatever that was, and said excitedly, "Actually yes, yes I do! If you would just come inside, we can begin!"
The two fillies, surprised at their friend's quick response, entered the illogical abode, which would make a certain vulcan's brain explode. They took in the surroundings, surprised even more by the fact that this place looked like a twister had hit it. There were books and other miscellaneous objects strewn to and fro. It made a modern artist's splatter art look like a masterpiece and not something a four year old could make within a few minutes.
"Wow, this place is messy." Scootaloo said simply. Sweetie nodded slowly, a little worried that Twilight, of all ponies, would allow this travesty to take place. Spike was, as always, entrusted with cleaning up this mess, which would most likely be recreated within a couple of hours after completion.
"Yeah, well I've been a bit busy studying a new type of teleportation spell that can be used to go long distances using little magic. I'm not sure if I got it right, though. That's why you girls are here! You might even get your cutie marks!" Twilight said, her smile as innocence as it got. Whether it was fake, forced facial futures or real, they didn't know.
"Wait, isn't it dangerous to experiment strange magic on live subjects before doing so with innanimate objects?" Sweetie Belle said, looking back to her magic lessons with her private tutor. Scootaloo, being handicapped when it came to the finer arts of magic, saw no problem with participating in such a thing.
Twilight, not losing any her confidence and determination to get this spell right, said, "Nope!'
Sweetie Belle, fine with this one-word response, said, "Okay! What do we do?"
Twilight instantly started to jump around in a circle, yelling, "YES, YES, YES, YES!"
The purple pony stopped rejoicing in successfully convincing the two fillies with entrusting their lives to her and said, "You don't need to do anything. Just stand right there where you are and try not to move."
The duo nodded in unison, their smiles growing wider at the prospect that they had a small percentage chance in getting cutie marks from this. Twilight's horn lit up with a purple aura as she charged up her spell, concentrating more than that time when she had been seated upon her porcelain throne, trying to expel the dark matter within her body. With a flash, the two excited fillies disappeared into thin air.
Twilight's grin faded when she realized that she had forgot to set a specific destination. They could be in deep space right now, floating lifelessly for all she knew. When the consequences of her actions dawned upon her, she said one word in response to this, "Oops...."
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Meanwhile... at the League of- I mean where Sweetie and Scootaloo were teleported...
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Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo looked around at their surroundings, confused as to where they had been sent. Scootaloo was the one to pierce the unnatural silence, "Twilight? Where are you? Where are we? Twilight?"
They both paused, expecting some sort of response, but none came. This worried them. They seemed to be in some sort of strange, rectangular carriage with even stranger contraptions, levers, and buttons around them. There was some kind of wheel sticking out of the front towards them on the left side, which was where Sweetie was. Down between them was a handle of some sort sticking out of a small crevice. Around said small crevice were letters up and down the sides of it. The handle, which seemed to be encased in black leather, was right next to the letter 'P'. Sweetie looked down between her legs into the hole below her. Due to the bright, afternoon sun, she could see three pedals. There was a big one, a medium one, and a small one off to the side. Whatever their purpose was, it was unknown to the white, unicorn filly.
Scootaloo looked behind them and found two additional seats to match the ones that the two were currently seated in. The only difference was that the two front ones were seperated while the back ones were not. Other than that, they were virtually identical. The seat she was sitting in was soft and comfy. She looked out one of the six windows and saw that they were, along with the metal carriage, on top of some cement terrain surrounded by perfectly cut grass that was so green, it was almost spectacular.
"This is... weird. Where do you think we are, Sweetie?" Scootaloo asked, weired out. They seemed to be in front of a white, one-story house with a wooden porch overlooking the beautiful lawn.
Sweetie Belle, as confused as her orange companion, said, "I, uh... I'm not entirely sure. We seem to be inside of a metal thing. At least it's comfy."
Sweetie Belle looked up to see some type of strange flap attached to the ceiling. There was an identical one on Scoot's side, but she reached for the one closest to her. She was too lazy to go for the other one. When she opened it, she shrieked as some strange object slipped out and landed upon her face. She grabbed it and studied it intently. They seemed to be keys, but they were not any keys that she'd ever seen before. She looked from the keys to a hole that seemed significant. A couple of minutes ago, she had disregarded it, but the more she studied the keys in her hand and the hole, the more she realized that the key might just fit said hole. She stuck the key in, and was satisfied to find that it fit. She turned it, and the carriage rumbled to life, breaking the silence. She yelped and pulled back. She had not been expecting that at all. She had expected the keyhole to open something.
Scootaloo stared at the carriage, realizing that the front part had lit up with numerous different lights, "I... I think you turned it on. W-whatever it is. Sweetie... I think I know what this is."
Sweetie looked at her friend, "Really? What do you think it is?"
A grin broke across the orange pegasus's face, "I think we're inside of a UFO!"
A look of disbelief replaced her look of confusion, but the more she analyzed their situation, the more she found that Scootaloo might actually be right despite how strange such a claim was, "Wow... a real UFO. D-do you think we can... you know... drive it?"
Scootaloo's grin grew even further, "I think we can! You see that handle? I think the 'P' might mean park, the 'R' means reverse, and the 'D' means drive. I'm not sure, though."
Sweetie tilted her head at this, "Scoots, I think you're right... how'd you figure that out?"
Scootaloo shrugged, "I don't know, really. A hunch? It's obvious when you think about it, though."
Scootaloo tried to move the handle, pushing upwards with all her might, trying to move said handle towards 'R', but no matter how much force she used, it stayed exactly where it was, "Hnngh...! Ah! It's no use... it's stuck."
Sweetie examined the handle, and found that there was a large button on the top. It too was also covered in black leather. With no shortage of ingenious thinking, the small unicorn pushed and held the button down. She then, while holding the button, pushed upwards, satisfied that she could now move it up to the 'R' letter now. She looked around her, now confused, "So... what do we do next? does it go for us or... what?"
Scootaloo rested a hoof upon her orange chin, pondering their small predicament. She looked at the weird machinery on the front next to the wheel, which she had a feeling was what you used to steer the thing, but she looked away from it. It didn't look that significant so she assumed it had a different use other than the one they were searching for. She looked over at the pedals in the hole below Sweetie, examining the three objects with intense curiosity, "Maybe... push the pedals?"
Sweetie's face lit up with excitement, "I think you might be right again, Scoots! Wow, you're on a roll. Even more so than that time that Diamond Tiara threw you down that hill."
Scootaloo's face went sour at the memory, merely grunting in response. Sweetie giggled to herself as she lid down into the hole, the soft fabric of the seat tickling her back and cutie mark region. She ignored this, having reached within arm's reach. With a small experimental push, she pressed the middle one. Disappointed that that one wasn't doing anything, she pushed the right one. Immediately there was a response. They were jerked backwards, yelping in surprise. She had only tapped the pedal, so it went just a short distance before stopping. Thank Celestia that they were on flat ground or they would have rolled away a long time ago. Sweetie, very slowly and carefully, pushed in the now obvious go pedal. She could feel the car slowly move backwards, excited that she was actually driving the UFO. Riding on a hunch alone, the unicorn filly pressed the middle one. The car stopped as she had guessed.
Scootaloo, with a nervous edge to her voice, said, "W-which ones make it go? Feels like you figured it out."
Sweetie slid back up into the brown seat, satisfied that she had figured out the secret to the pedals, "Yeah, the middle one is the stopper, and the right one is the go pedal. I have no idea what the left one is for, though."
Scootaloo nodded, thinking about all of this. Without a word of warning, she started climbing down between her friend's legs, going into the hole where the pedals were. She assumed that somepony had to move the wheel in the right direction while another had to push the right pedals. This thing must have been meant for a different species other than a pony, because nothing was sized right for their size. Or even a mare like Twilight's size and they all knew that the librarian had been packing extra meat with her secret fudge stash. Nopony knew where it was, but Scootaloo guessed that when the purple mare had gotten to the right weight, it would be in her fat folds, "You turn the wheel while I slowly back out. Got it?"
Sweetie Belle nodded, placing her small hooves upon the wheel that was almost as big as her body. Feeling the familiar backwards lurching of the car as it moved backwards, the filly, using some common sense, decided that slowly turning the wheel would be a good idea. She may be just a filly, but she wasn't brain-dead. She, at first, turned the wheel to the right and found that the metal carriage backed out to the left. She turned the wheel to the left and found that it backed out to the right. Deciding to go to the right, she turned the wheel back towards the left direction. Soon, they were on the black cement thing, faced in the right direction.
So far so good, "Okay, stop right there. I think I need to put the handle thing at 'D' now... let me see if it works."
Scootaloo nodded, releasing pressure from the pedal. Sweetie pushed and held the button down as she brought the handle thing to the 'D'. Satisfied that it was where she guessed that she wanted it, she looked down at Scootaloo who was looking up at her, "Okay, now the gas."
Scootaloo nodded, itching her muzzle before pressing the pedal down all the way, forgetting that the amount of pressure helped out with the speed. The car lurched forwards at alarming speeds, a frightening squealing sound slicing through the afternoon silence. Sweetie tried to control it, but ended up hitting a trash bin, sending bits of trash flying into the air like some kind of disgusting confetti, "Ahhh! Don't push down so much! We're going too fast!"
Scootaloo's eyes widened at this. She released the gas and gently pushed the middle one, her hesitance the only thing that saved her unicorn friend from flying out the window. Soon, the car came to a stop. Scootaloo reached her head up between her friend's legs and looked out the back window. They had gone a couple of blocks away from where they originally were. Wow, this thing was fast.
"Okay, Scoots... this time press slowly. Don't push the thing down to the floor." Sweetie said, feeling a bit annoyed that her friend had nearly gotten them killed. Scootaloo blushed, laughing nervously.
The orange pegasus slowly pressed the go pedal down again. They slowly moved forwards, houses on either side of them. Sweetie's goal was a large road off to the distance. There were other metal carriages going to and fro, so she assumed that that was a point of interest for them. She looked out the side to see a strange bipedal creature staring at the car in shock, having dropped the hose it had been holding. Whatever it was, it looked like it could operate the care with ease, what with its large size. It was old and wrinkly though. A lot like Granny Smith. So she assumed that this was an elder. Turning her head away, she looked out the front window, surveying the upcoming surroundings. Despite Scootaloo keeping the pedal under control, the thing was actually going rather fast.
They had now reached the main road that had two lanes. One metal carriage passed by at frightening speeds, startling the white unicorn. Forgetting that she had no control over the go and stop pedals, she froze up. One of these things was going to hit them. She was no scientist, but when something heavy hits something just as heavy as it, the victim object tended to go flying or maybe just rolling. Of course, the inflictor object didn't fare any easier. They pulled out into the busy traffic at speeds that were gradually increasing. Seeing that there were carriages coming their way, she yelled, "Push the pedal down now! Drive it like you stole it, Scootaloo!"
Scootaloo nodded, slamming her hoof down on the pedal, making the fillies lean backwards due to the law of inertia. They instantly started making squealing sounds. Sweetie tried to move past the vehicles, but she scraped the side of one, making said vehicle honk at her. She looked to the side to see an angry driver waving its limb at her. Its eyes widened when it saw what was at the wheel of the offending, metal carriage. Sweetie paid no mind to this and kept her attention on the road. She was actually swerving quite a bit, which was rather worrying.
"O-okay Scoots, you can, uh, slow down now." Sweetie said, feeling scared for her life. This thing was going at speeds that Rainbow Dash would have been proud of. And they were now passing the other carrriages like they were standing still, which was what worried her the most.
Scootaloo released the go pedal and pressed the stopper down, being sure to be gentle. She furrowed her brow at the fact that the stopper seemed to be broken. She pressed it down to the floor yet they were still climbing up in speed even though she wasn't pressing the gas. What in the hay was going on?
Scootaloo yelled, "It's not working! I think it's broken!"
Sweetie's pupils shrunk to small dots as she took n this bad news. They had no way to stop the metal thing and it was going faster by the second. She looked over the wheel to see a pointer steadily increasing past the eighty mark. It was already at the ninety within a short amount of time. She swerved past traffic, her mouth hung open. It took her until now to realize that she had been screaming this entire time, "AHHHH!!! Make it work, Scootaloo, make it work! We're gonna' crash!"
Scootaloo frantically pushed at all the pedals, disheartened that none of them were working. Not even the one off to the left that she had not touched until now. All of them had stopped working, "None of them are working, Sweetie! Oh my gosh, we're gonna' die! I've never even gambled yet! AHHH!!!"
The two fillies screamed in unison, their terror all too obvious. Sweetie just barely managed to move past a fast bike with ne of those strange creatures on it, almost hitting it. Scootaloo, having given up trying to get the pedals moving, had moved up to sit in the same seat as Sweetie. They watched helplessly as they slammed into the back of a sleek-looking carriage that looked kind of expensive. They flew forward, slamming aginst the wheel, making the carriage spin out of control, hitting two more cars. They were spinning around in circles, helpless to stop the incoming traffic. Another carriage slammed into the side of them, the side window opposite of them shattering but not faling out, hanging inside of the their carriage. Soon, they had slid to a halt. When they thought that they were safe, a strange black smoke started to arise from the front part of the carriage. Soon, it had caught fire and was getting rather large. Sweetie fumbled at the door, trying to open it. Soon, Scootaloo had to step in and found a handle on the side, which she puled and pushed, the door opening for them.
They ran away from the metal thing, getting a good distance away before it exploded into an inferno, fire reaching high into the sky. The force of the explosion had thrown the fillies to the ground, but, thankfully, they were unharmed. Scootaloo was the first to get up, and then Sweetie. They both looked at the piles of metal carriages that were scattered across the road, absolutely ruined. Glass litttered the cement, but it loooked like nopony had gotten hurt, thank goodness.
"W-what do we do now?" Scootaloo asked, feeling scared and more alone than she had felt in a very long time. At least she had Sweetie through all of this. Sweetie was about to say something, but a sparkling light that started at their feet and moved around their bodies stopped her mid-sentence. In a flash, the two fillies had disappeared into thin air, leaving the disaster behind them.
The shocked driver that had shook his fist at them earlier stood very close to where the two horses had originally been. He simply stared on in disbelief, not registering the fact that he was in the middle of a major traffic pile-up where someone might actually be hurt, "I don't even..."
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Meanwhile... at the Treehouse of Doom!
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After some intense studying of the book where she had found the long-distance teleportation spell, she had found that there was indeed a way to retrieve the two fillies. Doing exactly as the book said, she charged up her horn, her eyes growing bright white. It seemed to take more energy to do it a second time for some odd reason. When she had chraged the spell up all the way, she cast said spell, the treehouse instantly lighting up with a blinding white light. Where the light had previously been, there they two fillies staring around them in helpless and utter confusion.
Twilight ran up to them and offered her hoof, helping them up, "Oh my gosh, girls, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have used you for such a dangerous spell!"
Sweetie stretched out her legs, somewhat like how a dog would, and looked at Twilight with some, but not as much, confusion, "W-where did you send us? There were these were two-legged things... and we were in a metal carriage that went so fast without anypony pulling it."
Scootaloo jumped up in excitement, "YEAH! It was SO awesome! It went like 'Vroooooom, vroooom!', and then it was squealing, oh it was SO cool!"
Sweetie looked at Scootaloo, but looked back at Twilight, "Just... let's never talk about this again. Scootaloo and I need to check on our sick friend, right, Scoots?"
Scootaloo nodded, "O-oh, yeah, you're right. let's go. Bye, Twilight! Oh, and thanks! That was so fun!"
Scootaloo was the first to head out, talking to herself about how cool all of this was. Sweetie stopped right next to Twilight and looked at her, "Oh, and Twilight?"
Twilight looked up from her confusion, which was very high, "Y-y-yes?"
Sweetie's face was absolutely indifferent, and her eyes were void of any emotion. She looked to be in shock, "If you ever try something like this again... you'll be swimming with the fishes, capeesh?"
Leaving the stuttering, purple unicorn behind, the small unicorn filly trotted out the door and into the streets of Ponyville, saing no more. Twilight looked around the not-so-messy-anymore library. Spike looked up, "You know, for a smart pony, you're not so smart sometimes."
Twilight, not wanting to argue, headed upstairs to think about things. This was just all too weird for her. Two-legged creatures that rode in carriages that didn't need pulling? What?
