Chapters Apple Withdrawal by AmblingAnarchy
Chapter 1-Dash's Dare
It was indeed a beautiful day in the land of Equestria. Why, if ever there were a day to perfectly serve as the setting for a story, it would be this one. On the orchard known as Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack and Rainbow Dash were in the midst of yet another plot-convenient competition to decide which mare was ~~more stupid and insecure~~ the most daring pony in the village of Ponyville.
The lazy afternoon wind blew through the orchard, carrying the scent of freshly picked apples with the slightest tinge of animal manure; It was a farm run by animals raising more animals after all.
We join our horse heroines Applejack and Rainbow Dash at the crux of an all important hoof-wrastlin' session. Spectating this portentous event were fellow pastel ponies Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy.
"Ugh," Applejack grunted, "thinkin' 'bout givin' in any time soon, RD?"
"Ppbbtt,'" Rainbow Dash scoffed, rolling her eyes dismissively,"you wish, AJ!"
About 2 meters away from the designated competition area, an equally engaging bit of character interaction was taking place:
"Oooo, Fluttershy, who do you want to win? I mean, obviously I want both of my friends to win, but then it would be a draw and nopony would win and that would be bad, but for that not to happen, somepony has to lose, which isn't good. Oh, but it's so much fun to watch! And Rainbow Dash and Applejack look like they're having fun too!" For a normal pony, so many words might have taken a while to say and involved taking a few breaths, but Pinkie Pie was not a normal pony. She was Pinkie Pie. The entire statement was a quick onslaught of syllables spoken at stifling speed.
"Oh Pinkie, I just want them to have fun and stay safe. As long as everypony does that, then it doesn't matter who wins," said the sweet, seemingly impartial, but more likely disinterested Fluttershy.
"C'mon..." Rainbow Dash could feel her opponent's strength and resolve weakening. "...just a little but more..."
"RRRGGGG!" Applejack gave a final frustrated war cry in a futile attempt at overpowering the competitive blue pegasus. With a loud slam, an orange hoof collided with the unfortunate wooden crate being used as a platform, creating an indention the size of Applejack's bodily appendage.
With that, Rainbow Dash gave the victorious shout of a conquering hero: "Yes!"
"Ehehe, Ah guess ya beat me fair 'n square."
"That's right I did! It's not really much of a surprise, though," said the shrugging Rainbow Dash.
" 'Nd just what is that supposed ta mean?"
"Nothing. Just that I beat you last time, so this isn't what anypony would call a shocker."
"Are you sayin' that ya' were EXPECTIN' me ta lose?"
"Chill, AJ. If that's what I wanted to say, I would have said it."
"Are ya callin' me dense too?"
"No, I'm not. I'm really not," the usually facetious Dash deadpanned.
"Um..." Fluttershy began, feeling the need to get involved, "...Pinkie, do you think we should stop them before..."
"Don't worry Fluttershy; Dashie's totally cool. Applejack would have to say something really bad to make-"
"Ya think yer all that don't ya Dash? Well, I got one more challenge: a dare! Considerin' that yer 'bout as lazy as molasses goin' uphill in winter-"
Dash flared her nostrils at this not entirely outlandish accusation,"LAZY!? Oh, I'm sure EVERYPONY seems lazy to Ponyville's resident WORKAHOLIC!"
"Pinkie, I really think-"
"Ah RECKON Ah know the value of a hard day's work! Something you never could understand! REAL WORK Rainbow! Not all that fancy flittlin' n' galavantin' ya do in the sky!"
"Are you saying flying is easy? News flash, AJ: I MAKE it look easy! I'm sort of a professional level flyer!"
"Only because ya ain't suited to nothin' on the ground!"
"Earth to earth pony! I'm NOT!!!"
"Ah betcha you wouldn't even last a day doin' real work. Hay, Ah betcha you couldn't go a week without nappin' in the middle of the day!"
"Is that a CHALLENGE?"
"Ah guess so, considerin' it seems ta be only way fer you to do much'a anythin'!"
"FINE! But I've got a challenge for you too! I'll bet that YOU couldn't go a week without eating apples!"
"A week? Is that really what ya think 'a me Dash? Just cause Ah live on in apple orchard don't mean all Ah eat is apples! Ah eat plenty 'a other things!"
"One week, AJ," Dash countered, ignoring Applejack's bravado.
"Alright then! Yer on!"
"Pinkie, um...what just happened?" Fluttershy turned and asked to Pinkie Pie.
"Something we probably should have stopped."
Author's Note
...Really? I wrote this? And it took me months? Why do people like me keep ruining something as sacred as pony fan fiction?
Hello dear reader! You should let me know that you think. I like that sort of thing. And don't worry about my feelings being hurt. I know how considerate and politically correct you anonymous online users tend to be.
Seriously though, I had the idea to write this down months ago and have been working on it on and off. I wouldn't even call it a story so much as a strange collaboration between my fingers and keyboards of various location. I wanted to go ahead and publish it because I had fun writing it and thought that perhaps someone would enjoy reading it. I plan to publish other things I've written, and they are fairly different from the piece before you.
I realize that this type of narration can be grating and understand if you do not care for the piece before you. That being said, leave feedback if you care to, and I will no doubt take note of it to better myself in later chapters and workings alike.
Sincere thanks for reading and any feedback offered,
AmblingAnarchy
Altogether Apple Abandonment
Altogether Apple Abandonment
Chapter 2-Altogether Apple Abandonment
As Applejack arose from her slumber the next day,the first thing that hit her was the pleasantness of the sun's rays. The next was the realization that she was now in the midst of a wager. A wager she couldn't possibly lose. A wager that only meant a tiny change in her daily diet for 7 days. How bad could it be? the foolish farmer reasoned.
She rolled out of bed and removed the red ties holding her mane and tail to brush her blonde hair. Why she left the hair ties in just to wake up, take them out, and brush her mane, will never be fully understood by anypony alive, let alone Applejack herself. Nevertheless, while in the midst of doing the brushing, Applejack caught a whiff of her under...leg. The odoriferous remnants of last night's bath reminded Applejack of a familiar, recently forbidden fruit.
"Heh heh," Applejack awkwardly chuckled to herself, talking out loud for absolutely no reason, "Ah wonder if RD expects me ta stop usin' my apple shampoo too."
BANG! BANG! BA-BA-BA-Ba-ba-ba-Ba-bA-BANG BANG BANG! A series of hyperactive hoof knocks sounded off from the direction of the bedroom door.
"Hey Applejack! Are ya up yet?" Applejack just shook her head. As usual, if she had actually still been asleep, Apple Bloom's loud might-as-well-have-been-a-wake-up-call would have shocked her awake anyway.
"Ah'm up AB." The door swung open.
"Breakfast is ready! C'mon, Granny Smith made her world famous old fashioned buttermilk griddlecakes!" Apple Bloom exclaimed, giving an excited little jump.
"Alright, alright, keep yer bow on, Ah'm a'comin'."
Apple Bloom hurried down the stairs with Applejack not too far behind. Noticing the other two members of her family in their usual breakfast seating places, the orange mare gave a hearty greeting.
"Mornin' y'all!"
"Mornin'," Granny Smith called back to her granddaughters. Big Mac, who was sipping black coffee, chimed in a few seconds later with his signature stallion-of-few-words fashion,"Eeyup."
Applejack poured herself a mug of coffee, grabbed a plate between her teeth, and settled into her usual place at the table. Just like any other day.
The spread before her contained all of the vittles necessary to fully facilitate the stereotypical country breakfast: eggs, biscuits, hash browns, grits, toast, applesauce, Granny Smith's world famous old fashioned buttermilk griddlecakes, and of course, apples. Applejack grabbed a little of everything, save for the apples, and began digging in.
"Hey -MMM- Apple Bloom," Applejack practically gasped between full mouths of food, "could ya -SMACK- pass me the -GULP- syrup?"
"Here ya go. But why aren't ya -SLURP- eatin' any -CHOMP- apples?" Apple Bloom inquired while she passed the warm maple syrup.
"Well Ah -CRUNCH- sorta made a deal with -CLICK- Rainbow Dash. Can y'all believe that?" Applejack stopped eating for emphasis, "She actually thinks that apples is all we eat. Like Ah can't go a week without 'em. Ah know It's mah name 'nd all, but it's like she really believes that Ah ain't Jack without Apples!"
"Applejack, that wordplay was pretty unimpressive," Apple Bloom deadpanned.
"Eeyup," Big McIntosh agreed between his own respective sips and chomps.
"Applejack, sometimes yer so stubborn, Ah swear ya could start 'n argument 'n an empty house," Granny Smith chimed in, adding her particular brand of sage wisdom: knowledge off all things Equestria blended with years of experience, a plethora of dropped syllables, and the ever looming possibility of dementia. "Why'd ya ev'n agree ta such a thing? Don't ya know th't ya've eat'n an apple a day since you was knee high to a grasshopper?"
"Ah know, Ah know, but-"
"What're ya bettin' anyways?" Apple Bloom interrupted.
"That Ah don't eat apples and she don't take naps during the day."
"Yeah? And?"
"Whaddaya mean?"
"What do ya get if ya win?"
"I, uuhhhh...Ah don't know. We never really talked about nuthin' like that."
"So lemme get this straight: You, the Element of Honesty who lives with three people, bet that ya'd give up a nutritional food item that ya eat every day and farm fer'a livin'?"
"Yeah."
"And considerin' she lives alone 'nd is usually up 'n the sky where ya can't see her anyways, there's nothin' keepin' her from nappin' durin' the day 'nd lying about it?"
"Uhh, in theory, yes. But Ah think Rainbow'll wanna win fair'n square so-"
"And ya aren't ev'n gettin' anythin' fer it."
"No."
"Applejack," Apple Bloom began slowly so as not to lose Applejack, "Ah don't think ya thought this one through."
Applejack scanned the faces present at the table, seeing a wincing Apple Bloom, a disappointed, head shaking Granny Smith, and a coffee sipping Big McIntosh with an unspoken thought on his mind, no doubt words of encouragement for his disheartened sibling.
"Nnnope."
Author's Note
Do I smell Peggy Hill's world famous old fashioned buttermilk griddlecakes? I love me some King of the Hill. Applejack is actually a lot like Hank, which makes me love and respect her all the more.
Sentimentals aside, thanks for reading to this point in the story!
I actually chose to write the story this way so that I could get an idea of whether or not this style was just too insufferable for readers to sit through. I'd never write anything that I wouldn't read and personally think that such a silly means of narration is fine for a story so short and silly, but perhaps you, dear reader, will feel otherwise. Either way, you should let me know what you thought of my work.
More thanks, just as sincere,
AmblingAnarchy
Chapter 3-Substitute Sorrows
Day two. Or was it three? Either way, Applejack was determined. Determined not to eat apples.
She rolled out of bed, tossed on her trusty hat, went through her morning breakfast routine, and headed out to the farm for some good old fashioned manual labour.
She inhaled deeply and got a whiff of her beloved apple orchard.
Woo doggy she thought, smells like manure and opportunity!
But, even as the loyal and familiar dog that was this thought crossed her mind, it seemed to grow an annoying little tail.
….and apples.
Applejack shrugged off her fragmented psyche, grabbed a few large baskets and got right to work.
She observed the day’s first apple-laden involuntary volunteer with great respect, almost a reverence for the ripe, beautiful fruits of her labour. Her metaphorical children. Her babies. The literal apples of her eyes. Yes, she approached her beloved apple tree, carefully placing the baskets in a strategically advantageous manner, and considered the most efficient courses of action she could possibly take.
Then she kicked the tree.
Hard.
Really hard.
Cartoonishly hard.
Cartoonishly hard enough to cause almost all of the apples to fall out of the tree.
She looked at the baskets full of apples and nodded in approval of her own hard work.
Yep. That oughta be enough.
She loaded the baskets into her favorite cart and took off into town to sell some apples.
After selling a cartload of apples in a way that was entirely within the norm and having no conversations or moments of any real impact or relevance to her on-going apple-abstaining bet with Rainbow Dash, Applejack had packed up her things and was heading back the family farm when her stomach started to growl.
Huh, guess Ah done worked up a bit of an appetite.
She craned her head to inspect the unsold specimens of her cart.
Y’know, normally Ah’d have some’a the leftover apples from the cart but Ah guess Ah’ll have ta wait to get back to the farm ta get a little somethin’ in mah belly.
Her stomach growled yet again, a bit louder this time, in protest.
’Er maybe Ah should just grab a li’l somethin’ while Ah’m in town.
Applejack slowed her healthy trot to an amble as she began to carefully inspect the various fruits and vegetables that were being offered along the Ponyville’s market stretch.
Eh, what the hay? Ah’m bound to find a snack fruit that Ah like at least half as much as apples, right?
“And y’all ’er sure that Rainbow ain’t been nappin’?”
“Uum, I don’t think so,” Fluttershy stammered.
“Fairly certain, darling, though not absolutely positive,” Rarity confessed, ”after all, Rainbow Dash does live alone. How have you been holding up on your end, Applejack?”
The three ponies sat around a table, which rested squarely in the belly of Carousel Boutique, consuming tea, scones, and other dainty non-apple comestibles.
“Pretty good Ah guess. The last three days have been, uh, interestin’.”
“How so?” Rarity questioned.
“Well, Ah ain’t been eatin’ apples,” Applejack drawled.
“Yes, and? What’s been interesting about that?” Rarity leaned in and perked up her ears, as if she were awaiting some grand confession about how eating a more varied diet had made Applejack want to try new foods, which had no doubt in turn let to Applejack meeting new ponies, and perhaps from those ponies, she found one that she particularly favored and was now about to tell her two dear friends the various details of her desire to make this pony her special somepony.
“Ah dunno. Ah just feel weird Ah guess. Like Ah’m missin’ an old friend. Even my body’s start’n to feel weird. Ah’ve got less ‘n less energy ev’ry day now.”
“Applejack, darling,” Rarity practically interrupted, “surely that cannot be the extent of your so called ‘interesting’ days.”
“Nah, that’s about it, Rares.”
Rarity’s eye twitched and she shriveled up a bit. Not like the delicate flower she believed herself, but like the gossip-driven cave troll she tended to behave as.
“Um, I think what Rarity means,” Fluttershy began in a most likely futile attempt to save her friend from gossip deprivation, “is that we expected a little bit more elaboration on your new diet.”
“Oh! Uh...lesee Ah’ve tried grapes, bananas, oranges, mangoes, peaches, even pears. A’course Ah’ve tried ‘em all before, but, Ah dunno. It’s like, don’t none of ‘em make me feel the way an honest day’s apple makes me feel.”
“Yes, and?” Rarity prodded “How has that affected you, darling? How does it make you FEEL?”
Applejack gave the question some serious thought time, really letting the question being asked sink in and allowing her mind the time to formulate an appropriate response. After a heavy thought session, she finally discovered what her true, innermost, and deepest thoughts were on the matter.
“Ya know,” the farmpony began, with what would surely prove to be some of the finest frontier wisdom her friends had ever had the experience of hearing, “Ah feel like eatin’ apples.”
Author's Note
I dunno why this took so long to update. Oh wait, yes I do. I'm bad at everything.
No, I just wanted to ensure that this chapter was stupid enough to be a part of this story. That may or may not sound strange, but I wanted for it to sound like something that belong in a story that has a 'Random' tag and not like a trip into Applejack's innermost thoughts and beliefs.
This chapter was originally almost 2,000 words and I had to cut a lot of that sense-making nonsense out of here.
That said, thank you for reading something that I wrote.
Sincere thanks,
AmblingAnarchy