Chapters Bats, breasts, and other wonderful things
Okay, first day. New apartment, new chances, new job, new everything. I stepped out of my bare apartment and down the steps. I pressed on and hit the streets, it had been raining since I got here. With no umbrella and no break in sight I walked through the rain soaked streets of Canterlot, the spring rain cool in the night air. I hurried along, hailing a rickshaw after a few minutes of being soaked.
A bulky mare pulled up almost immediately. "Where ya goin?"
I stepped into the cart and get into place. "Canterlot Castle, the quicker the better."
The mare nodded and bolted off. The wheels of the cart clattering against the cobble streets. I pulled the now soggy paperwork out and looked it over. I was supposed to meet someone named, Foxglove, at the entrance to the Lunar hall.
"Hey friend, you know where the Lunar hall is?"
"Just get- to the castle- you'll find it!" I had to give this pony credit, she was putting all her effort into pulling this cart at full speed.
I looked back to the papers and folded them away. I leaned back and tried to enjoy the dusk ride through the rain.
We arrived in front of the massive gates in a few minutes. I dismounted and started getting my money out. "So how much I owe ya?"
The mare started pulling at her harness. "Bits, U.S., or Canadian?"
"U.S."
"Fifteen bucks." I pulled out a fifty and slid it to her. "Alright then thanks- whoa hey, this ain't right!"
I started off towards the gates. "Keep it, you deserve it!"
"Oh...wow, thanks human!"
"Later days friend!" I waved her off as I backed into a guard. "Whoops, sorry." I pulled my papers out and held them for the guard.
"Alright then." The guard pushed the gate open. "By the way...you don't need that to get in...."
"Ah- well I did not know that. Thanks." I gave a quick nod to him and hurried towards the main building. I rushed inside and tore my beanie off my head. "Soaked...absolutely soaked." I threw my arms out, water flying off my sleeves. I finished my flailing as a white haired pony walked over.
The mare looked me over. "Mr. Wesk?"
"Yes ma'am, Ben Wesk, at your service." I threw my hand out.
The mare stood there, eventually putting her hoof in my hand and letting me give it a soft shake. "Charming...this way." she spun around, her wings featherless and leathery. Yep, I was in the right place.
The mare lead me through the halls until finally taking a hard right and stopping abruptly. "Foxglove?!"
"Kinda busy!" A smoothy yet husky voice rang from a nearby hall.
My guide quickly gestured me into the hall. "Foxglove, your help is here!"
"Oh thank Luna, get him in here now!"
My guide quickly pointed to a redwood door with a small picture pony height. "Head in and get to it."
I nodded and slowly turned the knob. My heart started racing as the door creaked open. A few feet beyond the door sat a burgundy maned mare, nursing a pair of foals. I let out a long sigh as I stepped in. "Foxglove?"
The mare looked up at me. "Grab a foal, a bottle, and take a seat."
I looked around and carefully walked inside the rather softly decorated room. "Huh...this is nice." I tiptoed around the foals scurrying around at my feet, ducked the few that were flying around, and grabbed a warm bottle from a nearby table.
I took a seat next to the grey and burgundy mare and plucked a foal that was passing by. A loud hiss was quickly cut off as I held the bottle in their mouth. "This is my job, I feel like I should be paying you!" Foxglove pulled a foal away from her lower half. "Holy shit!" I nearly fell over as I got a look at what the foals were suckling on. "Sweet Jesus those are massive!"
The mare ignored me and plucked a foal out of the air. "Why thank you random human, I'll be sure to eat you fast." things grew quiet as the foals continued to drink. "That was a joke...I'm really funny if you get to know me."
"Ha...ha...heh...funny." I turned away from her and finished up with my current feeder. They were amazingly soft, like plush mixed with silk. They sounded a bit strange, their cooing more like miniature screeches, but the way they curled up and went to sleep once they were fed was amazingly cute.
I picked a foal up and put them in my lap. I went to move the bottle and quickly found my hand in the crossfire. "Ow- why?" I pulled my hand away and shook it out, two small punctures bleeding ever so slightly. "I thought you don't drink blood, why'd he bite me?"
The mare looked over at me. "They're teething, and we can drink blood, same way humans can drink blood. Doesn't do anything for us but we still can." she swapped out foals again. She took a moment and peered up at me. "You're staring."
I turned my head down to the foal and lead the bottle into it's mouth. "Sorry...just wasn't exactly expec--"
"They say I'm like the Milkmare of Trottingham in bat form. Actually...you don't know Milky."
I found the bottle in my hand quickly emptied. I quickly swapped out the bottle and the foal. "So...is this really what I'm supposed to do?"
"Noo..." she swapped out the foals at her tits, "You're my assistant, you're gonna do everything from feeding to dealing with school colts. I have to warn you, the really young ones are easy, but you will be bitten, screamed at, kicked, cursed at, and headbutted."
I grabbed the last free roaming foal, they quickly down the rest of the bottle, refusing to let it go. "Headbutt - headbu - head - come on...let go." I traded the colt my hand for the bottle. "Ow, so headbutted?"
Foxglove watched the foal chew on my hand. "You shouldn't do that...they'll remember you."
I watched the tiny colt chew on my hand, the gnawing burning a little as the I teeth dug in. "It's fine...I think he's falling asleep anyways." The colt's eyes were quickly faltering, closing lightly before his chewing slowed down.
Foxglove set the two foals at her breasts aside and stood up. "That's kinda cute...I mean it's your hand not mine...not that I have a hand but- oh you get it. Oh- you asked about the headbutting, yeah, they have a bad tendency to fly into ponies, hard."
I stood up, still cradling the bitey foal as I walked with Foxglove. She quickly pulled a bra from behind the bottles. "Wow...pony bra. That bad?"
"Six pounds."
"Whoa, shit!" I quickly pried my hand free and set the foal into a pile of sleeping ponies. "Six pounds...that's bozak."
She started to fumble with bra. "That's not the worst part, the bites are the worst part, you wanna see?" she asked with a sly smile.
I tried not to laugh. "Maybe later, we're defiantly going to get to know each other better at some point."
"Gonna hold ya to that." Foxglove let out a tired laugh. "Well then, assistant, help me put this thing on." she held the strange bra for me. I tentatively took it and tried to get it into place. "Almost...back...back...there ya go, now pull!" I yanked the bra up and hooked it around her back. "Ohhh...there we go." she bounced her backside up and down to set everything in place. "Yep, already worth the bits."
"Yep." I mumbled, wiping my hands on my pants. "So what's next?"
"Check em, change em, and put em to bed." Foxglove began grabbing bundles of foals and carrying them to the table with the bottles. "Here." she started sniffing each foal before either setting them aside or handing them to me.
Little by little baby bats quickly found their cribs. "Are they soft because they're young, or because their bats?"
"Wanna find out?"
I set the last few foals down. "Like I said, maybe- ehhh, screw it." I walked over to her and ran my hand down her back. "Hmm, because they're bats." I continued to pet her back as she tried to change a foal.
"Hey so, what's your name?"
"Ben."
"Ben...how about you stop that and help me change these foals?"
"Oh shit sorry!" I stopped and went to the table. I watched her change a foal and tried to replicate it. The smell of death emanating from the foal as I undid their diaper. "Damn! Phew...okay, that's rough." I chucked it in a nearby bin and ran back. "How do you...with the tail?"
"Pull it through." Foxglove demonstrated yanking the foal tail through a small slit in the back of the diaper.
I sloppily replicated it and set the trio of now clean foals into waiting cribs. "Crap-" yet more foals waited to be put away. "More!? How are you doing this so fast!?" I grabbed the last load of foals and started sorting them into cribs.
"You missed one." Foxglove held the bitey foal out for me. My heart melted as the foal let out a long yawn. "You gonna put him away, I mean you don't have to...you look like you're having fun."
"I can't help it, so soft." I scratched the foal's belly, causing him to curl around my finger before stretching out.
Foxglove stood next to me as I sat back down. "Eh...it's not gonna hurt anything. But you're dealing with his cranky ass later."
I ran my fingers along the foals back, rubbing my finger under his tiny wings. "I'm amazingly okay with that."
"Well, come on then, let's get lunch. Bring the foal if you really want to." she started out of the room.
"Wait really!?" I chased after her and joined her in the hall. "It's okay for me to do this?"
Foxglove looked back at me. "Just don't drop him and it's fine."
"Never!" I clutched the foal to my chest, my hand quickly shanghaied by the foal once again. "Ow."
"I told you they remember."
"Yeah yeah...still worth it." We walked through the halls, other pastel batponies filling the hall as we walked. I followed my new boss into a small room with a large dining table.
"Hey human, Ben, what do you want?"
"Eh whatever's fine." I continued to caress the foal in my arms. They let out a soft coo as he grabbed my hand with his fore hooves. "The noise...." I nearly squealed as he continued to make his baby noises.
Foxglove quickly started walking back towards the foal chamber with two plates on her back. "You're really loving that foal aren't you?"
"This thing is adorable- ow! If a bit painful." Foxglove let out another smooth laugh. "Okay stop that. I get it you're pretty, you sound nice, I get it!"
"Oh knock it off red-meat." she opened the door to the foal chamber for me and walked inside. I caught the door with my back and spun inside. "You're way too happy this early in the night."
"Early...it's eight!" I finally set the foal into the last empty crib and bundled him up.
Foxglove nodded a few times, her burgundy mane flying about as she did. "Eight is way too early. Oh well, I'm sure we can knock that happy attitude out of you, we're cleaning for the rest of the day, then we got another feeding in a while."
"Whoa wait." I held my arms out in a stopping gesture. "You do this everyday, a few times a day?! How are your boobs still so big!?"
Foxglove shook her flank a bit. "Get to know me better and find out."
I watched her flank swing a little before shaking it off. "So what's on- is that...that's a steak. You eat steak for breakfast?"
"You don't?" she bit into the steak, juices flowing down her lips and off her chin.
"Why did I not do this sooner!?" I joined her and started eating the assorted meats she had got me.
Foxglove finished in moments. "Alright then...back to work. Grab a broom and clean up."
I threw my trash away and grabbed a broom, a hunk of pork still stuffed in my mouth. I went to work while she checked on the foals. This was gonna be a long day.
I finally set the last foal down, back into their crib nice and safe. My hand was a bit pale, my arms horribly tired from the repeated holding motion. Foxglove trotted over to me and laid down. "Good work there Ben, I think that's it for today."
I rolled onto my back and squeaked out my resignation. "Yay...fun...."
"What's wrong, little tired?" she let out yet another charming laugh.
"Not funny...shit...I'm not gonna make it home like this...." I rolled onto my front and tried to merge with the floor.
"Oh come on, you can bunk with me tonight." she stood up and started poking at me. "Ben?"
"Ehhhh- fine." I pushed off the floor and onto my feet. "Bed, which way?"
"Come on, you can sleep on the couch." she slowly lead me through the halls and into a large room. I spotted the nearest source of cushion and crashed headfirst into it. "Wow, you're that tired?"
"It's fucking five A.M.! I can't deal with you anymore right now...."
Foxglove giggled and walked past. "I knew we'd kick the happy out of you by the end of the day."
"Screw you...eughaaaa." I flailed my arm towards her voice.
"Maybe if you buy me dinner. Anyways, I'll wake you up a few hours before work."
"Sure...whatever...get...go away!" I pulled a decorative pillow over my head and tuned out the world.
Bites
"Get up...Ben...get up."
I felt something poke into my ribs, prompting me to let out a loud groan as I buried my head into whatever pillow I had.
"Fine...I'll find a way."
I let out a long moan as I tried to merge with my bedding. The comfort was fleeting however, soon broken by a sharp pain in the back of my neck. "Ow...owww....owwwww !" the pain left as I flopped onto the floor. "Fuck! I'm up, I'm up!"
I rolled onto my front. A batfoal quickly found it's home on my belly. "I knew that would work." Foxglove walked out of the room. "Bring bitey into the nursery when you're ready to start."
I looked around the room as the foal crawled over my chest, biting my hand as I guarded my throat. "Oh god...I've made a terrible mistake with my entire life." I sat upright, bitey foal still latched on and sucking at my hand. It was definatly the same foal, light gray coat, and a dark green mane. He was cute, aside from the constant nipping and biting.
I stood up, cradling the foal and pulling my hand away. He quickly started crying, forcing me to give up my hand to spare my ears. "Bugger...bugger bugger bugger ass." I continued my mild swearing as I walked through the halls, trying to find the nursery from the faint memories of yesterday.
"Alright bitey...we can do this." I ran my free hand through his mane, making him coo quietly as he eased up on my hand. As I did I caught a glimpse of the small punctures from the previous night. They were nearly healed already, but still rather noticeable.
I wandered around until finding familiar ground, following the vague memories and walking in on a couple, mid sex. "Holy shit- sorry!" I walked back out and slammed the door. "Bitey...you saw nothing." he looked up at me and mad a soft baby noise and bit the meat of my thumb. "Exactly...ow." I shook my head and hurried off. "What the hell am I doing, talking to myself."
I continued wandering around, and after about thirty minutes of having a half awake foal gnaw on my hand, found the nursey. Foxglove turned to me almost immediately. "Dear Luna Ben...you really got lost."
I ignored her and grabbed a bottle, finally finding something new for bitey to chew on. "It's been a journey. So does this foal have a name?"
Foxglove walked over. "That one...foal twenty-six."
I turned to her with a suspicious look. "Are you serious? You just number them?!"
She gave a noncommittal nod, nearly shaking her head. "Sometimes foals without parents just get numbers until I can think of something."
"He doesn't have parents!? So he's an orphan? That sucks...." I rubbed his dark green made with my hand as he ate.
Foxglove looked over the other foals, already fed and put to bed. "He's not an orphan, he's just...how do I explain this." Foxglove found a cushion and sat down. "There aren't a lot of batponies, so Luna made a decree that we...well...to put it crudely, make more. But most couples already have a foal, and the ones that don't are generally trying. Foals like him, are raise by the castle staff or the guard."
I felt my energy drain as I came to terms with his strange position. "So just raised by the castle? How many batponies are there anyways?"
She looked up and to the side. "About...wait including the night guard, about...four hundred."
"That doesn't-"
"There are nearly ten thousand ponies in the Greater Canterlot area."
I let out a soft cough. "So...extreme minority. But I'm-"
"I know what you're gonna say, another human said the same thing before. Sure there are batponies in other towns, but there just aren't."
I slouched down and took a seat on the edge of the table. Bitey quickly sucked down the rest of the bottle. "Sorry...didn't mean to bring it up."
Foxglove let out a soft sigh. "It's not your fault, it's just...sensitive." she walked slowly over and looked at the foal in my arms. "He likes you...."
I looked down at my hand. "I noticed. He has a bit of an odd way of showing it."
Foxglove walked off, batting my ass with her tail. "Name him."
"Huh?" I looked at her with utter confusion. "You serious?"
She turned around and shrugged. "Why not. Just make it something smart."
I let out a rough cough. "So Ben's out of the question?"
Foxglove started bellowing. "Oooh...funny...yeah no."
I gave her a wide smirk, quickly turning to the tiny baby bat in my arms. "Wayne."
Foxglove cocked her head. "Wayne?"
"It's a thing. And it's a good name, smart sounding, good a good weight to it." I poked the foal's stomach, causing him to squirm a little as I pressed my finger into his soft belly.
"Hmm...well then, you're the daddy."
I froze, accidentally jabbing the foal in the belly and making him cry. "Wait what?!"
Foxglove took the foal from me, quickly setting him in a crib and tucking him away. "I'm joking. Unless you really want to, but he'll be fine either way." she walked over to me and bopped my knee. "Your face right now, it's priceless." she started snickering as she walked away. "Come on, time to take care of the fillies and colts."
I nearly fell as I pushed off the table. "Don't fucking do that! My heart...it hurts...." I felt like someone had just punched me straight in the chest, my heart fluttering as I tried to walk over to her.
Foxglove lead me across the hall and into a large room with a bunch padded furniture. "Heads up!"
"Huh- oof!" I turned, catching a flying filly straight to the gut and crumpling like tinfoil.
I was quickly kicked in the gut as the filly bounced off me. "Jerk!" she flew off after another young pony, leaving me in a groaning mess on the floor.
Foxglove walked over, hear head hanging in my vision. "I told you...hurts doesn't it?"
I grabbed my back and forced myself upright. "Did someone get the number of that bus?" I joked, only confusing Foxglove. "Eh...stupid joke anyways." I leaned against the wall and nursed my bruised stomach. "So what do I do now?"
Foxglove ducked a flying colt. "Survive. Have fun!" she bolted out of the room, leaving me alone in a room of about six grade school foals. I looked around the room, slowly edging my way to the quietest one in the room. A small filly reading a book.
I ducked down behind her and looked at the book she was reading. It was upside down. "Um...you know it's upside down right?"
"Shh...." the filly didn't even turn around to face me, dismissing me and going back to her book. She flicked the page before turning to me. "I know, I can read upside down." she looked me over. "Who the heck are you?"
"Well jeez...apparently I'm no one." she didn't take kindly to my sarcasm, sitting on her haunches and staring at me with a bored expression. "I'm Ben, apparently I'm supposed to help take care of you."
The filly smiled wickedly. "She left you alone in here didn't she?"
I felt something bound off my back, nearly knocking me forward. "Get the heck back here!" I turned and found the filly that had gutted me was still chasing after a grey maned filly. I stood up, taking a deep breath and getting into position.
"It's not my fault you're-" I grabbed the grey maned filly out of the air, catching her like a football and holding her under my arm. She froze, blinking a few times until realizing what had stopped her. "Whoa...do that again!"
"Adorable...." I grumbled to myself as I plucked the other filly out of the air, her purple striped mane zooming behind her. "But I'm gonna need you two to calm down."
The grey mane started snickering. "You said tutu."
I shifted my grip, picking her up by the belly and bringing her up to my vision. "Yes...yes I did. Now go do something productive." I set her down. She immediately ran off, staring back at me until she ran cheek first into a desk.
She shook her head hard and kept running. "I'm okay!"
I could only watch in awe as she continued to run around the room after bashing her head like that. "Hey...can you let me go?!" the purple striped filly started squirming. I quickly set her down, letting her bolt after the grey mane and immediately start the chase again. I gave up and just sat with the book bound filly.
I grabbed the book, prompting the filly to bite my hand. "Son of a- fuuu- echurgh...." I pulled her off my hand and sat her on my lap. "Why the bites?"
"Don't touch my book next time!" she snarled, pressing her hooves into my stomach and staring up at me. "It's not nice!"
I pushed her down by her muzzle, leaning back into a nearby wall and looking through the book. "What the hell...." I flipped a few pages ahead. "This is Jack London...where did you even get this!?"
The book filly huffed at me, folding her forelegs and leaning into my stomach. "I asked for a book with a dog...."
I let out a rough cough. "Well...this is a book about a dog, but it's a little...adult, for you." I folded the book closed and set the filly down. "Let me see if I can find something more age appropriate." I found a nearby bookshelf, most of the books on the floor. I rummaged through the remains and found a Daring Do novel. "Here." I walked over and handed the filly the book. "Good adventure stories are always fun."
She looked at the book, almost instantly tossing it at my shin. "Read it."
I rubbed my shin and went back to looking. "Alright then...Star Swi-"
"Read it." the filly had walked slowly over and was perched next to me. "I read most of them."
I grabbed the Jack London book and flipped through it. "...How old are you?"
The filly perked up, her silver streaked mane bobbing as she threw it out of her eyes. "Eight!"
I stared at the book in my hands. "...Ehhhhhh...I guess...hmm...eh, it'll be fine." I handed back the original book. The silver headed filly took it in her mouth and hurried off.
Foxglove peeked her head back into the room. "Ben, you're alive! Good, you can help me bring them lunch."
I ducked a flying colt and rolled out of the room. "You bats...ponies...batponies...are strange people."
Foxglove quickly ran over to a waiting cart. "You're just jealous, now push this stupid thing."
I got behind the cart and slowly pushed it down the hall. "So...what they eating?"
Foxglove shook her head lightly from side to side. "Oh you know, carrots, potato, pork, the good stuff."
I let my head fall to the floor as I pushed the cart through the doors. The foals quickly ransacked it and went about their business. "Man...I never got pork for lunch as a kid." I watched the foals eat. "...I'm gonna go grab Wayne and take a nap...."
Foxglove watched me as I left. "Well I thought we could go catch some dri-"
"Too depressed for your romantic interest...If you need me I'll be sulking." I drifted out of the room to the sound of Foxglove's confused sputters. I found Wayne fidgeting in his crib. I pulled him out and laid on the floor. Letting him latch onto the back of my neck as I napped on the soft carpet of the nursery. Wayne let out a soft cooing as he drifted to sleep, still latched onto my neck like some bad habit.
A last thought struck me as I drifted away. I hadn't seen the sun all day. I wonder if that's gonna be a problem.
Blood
I languished in my bed. My arms were burning like molten rock as my bites started to itch. I had called Foxglove, but I started fearing I was going to die before she got here. I had no idea what was happening but my entire body was burning up.
A loud knock pulled me out of my stupor. "It's open...hurry!"
The door flung open, Foxglove hurried in with a few bottles already being pulled from her bag. "Oh Ben, I told you not to let him keep biting you." she trotted over to my couch and held a bottle for me. "Ben, before you drink this...and this isn't permanent, but you'll be more like us. It's gonna stop the fever-"
I flailed my arm, grabbing the bottle and drinking it in mere seconds. My fever immediately alleviated itself as I felt the cool liquid draw away the vicious heat racking my nerves. "Phew...okay, so what's that stuff do?"
She looked at me with utter disbelief. "Well...there's only been like three other humans that have had that...their reactions have been...varied. They all grew fangs...so, you can expect that."
I felt much better already, my bites still itched but I could survive that. "Okay that doesn't sound too bad-"
"You say that.... Anyways, the one guy I knew who did this for a while, I think he still takes it. He said...it tingled, then it burned, then his beard went really soft, then he went blind for three days."
I could feel myself go pale. "Just for three days?"
"Um..." Foxglove traced a in a circle on my floor. "He said, once the burning and blurriness stopped he could see really well, and he's alright now!"
I stared at the bottle in my hands. "Okay...so what the fuck is this!?"
She scrunched up her muzzle and refused to make eye contact with me. "A little belladonna, some opium, a little powdered nickle, bat pony saliva, and some laburnum. That's all."
I went through the ingredients I knew. "Poison, you poisoned me!? Foxglove, the fuck!?"
Foxglove jumped up on the couch next to me. "Hey, I know it sounds poisons, but it's not."
"Fucking opium, nickle powder!? You're going to fucking kill me!" I grabbed her head and started shaking her. "This. Is. Going. To. Kill me!"
"Ben." she stopped me by pressing her hooves into my chest. "Look at my boobs...look at them and calm down."
I shoved her off. "I don't wanna calm down! Panicking is the proper response to this!"
"Ben." she looked me dead in the eyes. "Look at my boobs and calm down...trust me...it works of the foals, it will work on you."
"Oh fuck off!" I tossed her back into the arm of the couch. "God damn it...so when do I drop dead?"
Foxglove poked my leg with her hoof. "Oh don't be all dramatic, you're gonna be fine. If you'd let me finish, no one knows what's gonna happen, but you'll be more...heh...batty."
"You're not funny!" I snapped, suppressing the urge to strangle her. I let out a long sigh and tried to calm down. "Can you be serious and just tell me what to expect?"
She shrugged. "Three things are common across the trial runs. Soft hair, sharp teeth, and your voice will get a little more raspy."
"Oh gre
"Ahh see!" Foxglove leaned against me and prodded my side. "See, it's happening, and you're not dead!"
I centered myself and put my hand on Foxgloves shoulder, quickly pinching her cheek and pulling it hard. "Bring. Me. Wayne. If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die with the little shit that killed me."
Foxglove pulled away and jumped off the couch. "You're serious? You- whatever...drama queen." Foxglove walked out and slammed the door.
I sat on the edge of my couch and waited for sudden death. I waited ten minutes before making lunch, not exactly convinced I wasn't about to die, but skeptical enough to act normal. I had the sudden urge for sugary fruit and beef. I rummaged through my fridge and found some raw pork.
My mouth started to water as I stared at the chunk of meat. I felt like I was teething as I held the meat in my hands. In a moment of stupidity I bit into the pork and ripped a sizable chunk out. I relished in the soft flavor as I put the rest of the meat back in the fridge. I hurried over and pulled an apple from the bowl on my new table and bit it in half. The swirling flavor of meat and appley sugar was amazing as I slumped into my chair.
My teeth were incredibly sore as I worked my jaw to grind the meat into paste. I had a sudden urge to bite something, something alive. I paced around my apartment waiting for something to happen. Twenty minutes passed before Foxglove wandered back over. "Ben, I'm ba-"
I ran over, grabbing Wayne, cradling him, and pulling Foxglove to the couch. I set the sleepy foal down and pulled Foxglove by the mane, sinking my teeth into her neck. "Oooh whaaa..." Foxglove let out a drawn out moan as I bit her neck. "Fuuuck." I gnawed slightly as Foxglove melted into my lap.
I gnawed for a while until Foxglove tried to pull away, I yanked her back in place and held her there. She went limp as her tongue lolled out of her mouth. Slowly I loosened my grip and let her go. My teeth were slightly bloody as I licked my I teeth.
Foxglove was red in the face as she rubbed her neck. "Dear Luna...I thought you were gonna rut me...."
I ignored her and cradled Wayne, laying across the couch and poking Foxglove with my socked foot. "What is with people and mas ochi stic eroticism."
Foxglove just blinked in confusion. "Ben...talk pony to me."
I rolled my eyes angrily. My words were coming out a mile a minute as my mouth tried to keep up with my suddenly supercharged brain. "People and being aroused by bites, or cuts, or...like burning wax or stuff."
She laid her back across the couch and exposed her belly and breasts to me, her bra was strangely lacy at the top. "...You bit me...and I...submissive...." she threw her head back and let out a long moan. "It's been too long since I've had a stallion take control."
"Well too bad." I pet the foal on my chest as he curled up and went to sleep against my pecs. "I'm not about to rut you like the needy mare you are."
Foxglove's stare grew blanker. "I'm...conflicted about this. Are you feeling alright?"
I ran my tongue along my teeth and scratched my chin. "Great, better than ever, amazing, hyper, my teeth hurt, and I have a craving for meat."
Foxglove watched me as I yawned. "How much of that stuff did I give you? I might have given you too much-"
"No, I'm fine now, not dead, good, great. Here, you wanted sex right?"
Foxglove cocked her head. "What the heck are you-" I pressed my toes against her sex. "Whoa boy...." I balled my toes, kneeding her sex and making her voice tremble. "Easy...take it- ah, sensitive...."
I ignored her, idling working her sex with the ball of my foot as I cradled Wayne. "Foxglove stop moaning! You're gonna wake him up!"
"Eee..eee...eee...." Foxglove let out squeaky moans as my foot was slowly soaked. "Oh fuu-" she tensed up for a moment and lost all tension in her body, falling like a puppet with her strings cut. "Dear Luna...that...I...Ben...Ben, you're not even-"
"Quiet, you got what you wanted, go away!" I turned Wayne away from her and curled my arms around him. "Mine."
Foxglove was dumbfound, flattening out on the couch and staring at the roof. "I just...from your foot...and you don't even care."
"Nope, you asked, I did it. We're not dating, go away."
Foxglove looked up at me. "We cou-"
"Too busy, foals, pet the foal!" I held Wayne to my stomach as my hyper state made my mind spin.
Foxglove let out a quick huff. "Ben...you are...I don't even know."
I nodded. "Yes, sorry no work today, better now, should I work now?!"
"Ben."
"Yes!?"
"Calm down."
I shook my head and sat upright, Wayne waking up and wiggled around in my grip. I set him on the ground and watched as he walked around the room. "Can't calm, too much to do, ready, need to go."
Foxglove hopped off the couch, revealing a small wet patch. "Bring rag!" I yapped as she walked out of the room.
She popped back in with another bottle in her bag. "Here, drink this. I'll watch Wayne."
I slammed the bottle. "Hmm, burning, what is it!?"
Foxglove joined me once again on the couch. "Whatever you had in your cupboard."
"Oh- that...makes sense...ugh. That was...tequila...euuuugh...was...not...good idea." my brain slowed to a grinding halt as the alcohol diffused into my stomach. My teeth stopped hurting as I sank back into the couch. "Wayne...I want...bed...and...." I got to my feet. "Fuck...I'm going back to bed." my brain hurt as I drudged through the room. "Stay if you want...but I feel...like...crap." thinking was becoming difficult the longer I was standing.
I went into my bedroom and crawled under the sheets. Foxglove walked in and flew up to the bed. She tucked Wayne against my side, tucking him in against me. My hand shot to his side and ran my fingers along his coat until he latched on, biting the joint of my thumb and sucking. Foxglove joined in the bed and snuggled up to me, sandwiching Wayne between us.
I closed my eyes. "This is nice." Foxglove's voice overpowered the soft suckling of Wayne. "I mean...you said we're not...but...maybe if-"
I tore my hand away from Wayne, letting him bite the meat of my forearm and holding my hand for Foxglove. "Look...I feel...terrible...we can talk about this...later. Just...here."
"I can't bite-"
"Just do it...it feels good, I know." it felt amazing having your teeth dig into something warm and alive.
I felt her breath run across my hand as she opened her mouth. She bit down on the center of my palm and sucked on my hand, holding my hand in place with her hooves and finally giving me the silence I needed. It felt a bit strange having a fully grown bat pony chewing on me, a strange sexual tinge to it. But my mind was far too gone to be perverse about it, and despite the sexual nature, it felt more sleepy, more like I was just a big pacifier.
I fell to sleep to the sound of a foal teething on my arm, and the nyaa s and hums from Foxglove.
Tired
Four days after drinking that poison and I still haven't recovered. The hyperactivity is gone, now all that's left is fatigue and exhaustion. But I still had to work, Foxglove was still making me sit around feeding the foals as she placed them into my lap. I had stolen a pacifier from the supply closet and was endlessly chewing it as my teeth continued to change.
My teeth had started to grow sharper and sharper as they came further out. I grabbed the pacifier and pulled it out of my mouth, I had nearly shredded it. "Son of a bitch...look at this." I held the pacifier for her as she traded foals with me. "This is ridiculous."
Foxglove grabbed the handle end and tossed it into the trash. "Yeah, we go through nipples and pacifiers like water. I mean, back before I hired you my nipples were--"
"Oh god...come on, I don't want to talk about your nipples." I started feeding a steely grey foal as Foxglove wandered off. She came back with another pacifier.
She trotted over and looked at me. "Shay aw." she mumbled with the pacifier in her mouth.
"I'm not-- ow, fuck!" I covered my mouth as I bit into my tongue.
Foxglove slowly leaned in over to me. "Ahhhhh...." she continued to hum as she pushed the pacifier against my lips. I finally opened my mouth, letting her force the pacifier into my mouth, along with a kick kiss. "Good boy." she patted my head as she wandered off. She had been sneaking in chances to kiss me, brush against me, or otherwise be overly friendly.
I just sat on the ground, chewing on the pacifier and feeding the current foal in my lap. I couldn't even enjoy the feel of their coat on my hands. The potion Foxglove had given me completely fucked up my circadian rhythm, given me my new teeth problem, and made my hair silky smooth. Granted the hair thing was negligible, but I was also developing a horrible hunger for steak.
I could live with the meat cravings and the amazing hair, but my nocturnal shift has been making me paler and paler. Even after only four days I had gone from Mediterranean to white as a ghost. And I was constantly biting my own tongue or lips, to such a degree that I had a lisp for the last thirty odd hours. But all Foxglove could do is laugh, or say how cute it was.
At least I had Wayne. Little green headed misfit and I spend the past few days together. Foxglove was even sneaking into my house as the sun came up. She had followed int the little one's hoofsteps and had started gnawing on my arm to go to sleep. I couldn't complain though. Watching the two bat ponies latch onto my arm like a fuzzy Christmas themed IV was worth the pain.
Foxglove brought my Wayne, last of the foals to be fed, and plopped her flank next to me. Her breasts jiggled softly as she plopped down. "So Ben...are we dating? Cause you let me bite you, and the foot thing...which we need to talk about after this. But first, are we dating, cause I really want to know. I mean...I know it's kinda fast, but I'm not saying we should fuck, I just want to know if you want to try at some point."
I stared blankly at her, sucking on the pacifier and looking at Wayne as he fought with the bottle. I darted my eyes up and shrugged. "Oh don't give me that Ben!" Foxglove gripped the other end of my pacifier and tried to yank it away. "Let-go!" she pulled back as I bit down harder on the false nipple in my mouth.
We went through a quick battle of tug the tit and eventually she gave up. "Fine! But I need to talk about the foot thing...." Again I just stared at her. "Will you stop that shit!" she threw her dark red hair back and took a deep breath. "I...I...I basically humped your foot- well technically you rubbed me with your foot, but I let you- so back to my point! It felt...it felt good, like really good. So even if we're not dating, I think we should do that again, or something else, something involving rubbing."
I shredded the rubber nipple in my mouth, spitting out the shreds and looking at Wayne as he fought my hand with his front hooves and bit at me. He continued to make loud angry coos and yaps as I stared at him. "She serious?" Wayne let out a long grumble as he grabbed my hand and bit me, his little green eyes practically glowing as he bite my hand like prey.
"Ben...don't joke about this." Foxglove covered her face with her tail. Her face only slightly lighter than her burgundy tail. "The last time someone touched me like that I was...well, a lot younger than now!"
"Pfff. Young, you're like twenty."
"Twenty six is old!"
"Twenty six is not old!" I snapped. "You're younger than me so shut up!" I batted her over the head softly. "Just go find a stallion or something, I'm sure a hoof would feel about the same."
Foxglove fixed her teased mane. "Don't do that. And trust me...your thingys move to much, what are they called...the little thingys. You know what I'm talking about, you're foot fingers."
I started chuckling as I stood up. "Foot fingers. You mean toes." I went to go put Wayne in a crib. "Foot fingers...just what?"
"I don't know what they're called! Anyways...they dug in and wiggled and...it had been a while. So...can we? I'll do something for you this time, I promise!" Foxglove stood on her hind legs, making her nearly my height. She nuzzled my neck with the top of her head as she hummed. "When you bit me, and your teeth dug in, I got so wet, so ready, ready to be taken, taken like a mare in heat, ready to be rode so hard." she leaned against me and got to her hoof tips. "So hard. "
I felt my face burn as my pants constricted. "Go hire a prostitute...I will not be abused by my boss." I ran my hands through Wayne's mane. "And as for the dating...maybe. Tell ya what, I'll date you when I finally finish furnishing my apartment."
"Oh come on! Well can I just borrow you hand until you leave? You let me bite you, and that's something married couples do!"
"Really?"
Foxglove wrapped her forelegs around my arm. "Well...no, but it feels good. In a warm down there kinda way." she started pulling my hand down. "Just...let me borrow this for like five minutes."
I resigned myself to exactly five minutes. "I'm setting a time, you have five minutes."
"Really!?" Foxglove tightened around my arm, I felt her breasts sandwich my hand as she pulled me down. I sat on the floor next to her as she took control of my hand.
I was stuck staring at the cribs as she abused my hand. "Okay...one more stipulation, not here. Not in front of the foals."
Foxglove picked her head up. "They won't remember...."
"And I don't care, not in here." I stood up and looked around. "Either find a private place or I'm gonna go home and take a nap."
"A nap!? Are you kidding me!? I'm litterinally throwing myself at you, on you, and...something else, and you want to go take a nap!?"
I rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah you're right...I should bring Wayne."
Foxglove was slowly filled with rage as she scrunched up her muzzle. "Colt cuddler!"
"Truely." I joked as I plucked the still feisty colt from his crib. "Don't you, auuughruagh, me!" I grabbed his face and shook him ever so softly before popping off and holding my hand in an aggressive pose over his head. "God I love this little guy...."
Foxglove bit my leg hard before pacing around me. "Love me damn it! Love me!" Foxglove stood in front of me and made as puppy dog a face as possible. "Please?"
That final stare tugged at my heartstrings. "Jesus...calm down. Meet me at that Russian bar tomorrow. We'll get drinks and see where the night takes us."
"You mean it?"
"I mean it, now I'm gonna go home, cuddle the shit outta this colt, and take a nap." I started walking out, finding a blanket and wrapping the bitey green foal like a burrito.
"....Really?"
I snapped around at Foxglove. "Keep it up and you'll end up like this!" I held the burritoed bat over my head.
Foxglove took a defensive pose. "Don't threaten me with a good time!"
"Bitch I will fuck you so hard!"
"I'll suck your life out!"
"I'll ride you so hard."
"You're nice and meaty, a lot to sink my teeth into."
We both had a short time before we each started laughing. "That got a little hot." I settled Wayne into my arms. "So you coming?"
Foxglove let out a soft sigh. "I can't sleep alone anymore.... Remember when I said chewing was a bad habit...I can't go to sleep without it."
I held the door for her. "You're like a foal...a foal breastfeeding foals. Oh the irony. The big titted irony."
We walked through the halls, bat ponies all heading to sleep as the sun rose. One inparticular met me as we left. "Ben...so are we-" she let out a long yawn. "-still on for breakfast?" Datura, in all her glorious purple headed glory, and I had been talking about going out for breakfast for a while.
"Ben...the fuck?" Foxglove bit my arm and refused to let go.
Datura shook her head. "With Foxglove? Hmm, good to know. No Foxglove, I'm not planning to steal your colt, I'm helping him with the change."
I nodded, trying to pry the sharp fanged mare off my arm. "I met her on my day off- night, off."
Datura laughed girlishly. "He was wandering like a zombie in the middle of the street."
Foxglove slowly let go of my arm. "Datura...I'm gonna say this once, he's mine. Talk if you want, hang out if you want, but if I smell you on him, you won't live to regret it." Foxglove to my arm in her mouth. "Now come on."
I stalled as long as I could, I knew what lay ahead, a night of being a pair of ponies chew toy for a night. "Datura- I'll- call- brunch!" before I could finish I was yanked out of the room.
Foxglove refused to let go of my hand the entire time we walked to my house. Even as I hopped in the shower she prowled outside the door, snapping back on my hand as I walked out. "Want...." was all she could managed as she pulled me into the bed and curled around my hand, gnawing and enjoying the taste of my blood as Wayne tried to crawl out of his burrito.
"Hey Foxglove...shouldn't he be flying by now?" I asked as I watched him wiggle free. Foxglove ignored me, too busy cooing and grumbling softly as she chewed on my arm. "I guess it'll happen when it happens." I laid back as Wayne found his new sport on my neck.
I ignored the slight sting and drifted away as the bats suckled at my arm and neck. A final scratch behind Wayne's head was enough to send me to sleep.
Blaah
A loud banging started threatening to tear down my door. "Ben you mother fucker!" Foxglove's livid voice cried from the other end of the door. "You fucking stand me up, you prick ass prick!" I ran over and threw the door open. "Son of a bitch!" she ran inside and headbutted me, knocking me to the floor. She took an aggressive pose above me. "Asshole, douche bag, cunt!"
I opened my mouth, lolling my tongue out. "Halp...I cann baarly taalk."
Foxglove leaned her head over my own. "Ben what the hell!?"
I took the disgusting initiative and slurped my disturbingly long tongue back into my mouth. It was horrid, like sucking a fleshy pasta noddle back into my mouth. "I wook up like dis...halp!"
Foxglove put her hoof on my stomach and pressed hard, forcing my mouth open and revealing my tongue. "Sweet shit snacks...that's...holy fuck." she was nearly drooling as she stared at my disdained tongue. "Dear Luna...Ben...I'm really wet right now."
"Groos." I rolled my tongue back into my mouth and got to my knees. "Cun you halp?"
Foxglove let out a husky laugh. "Ooh - define help."
"Oh phuck off." I got to my feet and headed to my door. "I'm gonnna go- short this oout."
"No!" Foxglove bolted to my door and blocked the way. "Give it time...I'm sure it'll work out."
I tried to push past her, but she was holding her own and keeping me locked in my apartment. "Seriuoous moove!"
"There's no- need- to bother- the princess!" she continued to block my way, going as far as flying up and kicking me back into the room. "Just let me look, I might not be a doctor but you'd be surprised what the foals can do to themselves!"
"I'am not a puchking foal!" I tossed her to the side and charged out.
"I said I'll take care of it!" Foxglove tackled me, biting my neck and dragging me back into my apartment. I felt like a dead deer as I was dragged along the floor. Foxglove let me go and closed my door. "Dear Luna you're heavy."
I rubbed the back of my neck and looked around. "Biiach...." I forced my tongue back in my mouth and laid on the floor. "Fucking- oh haaugh....fuck. I goot F down...."
"Yes...yes you do...way down." Foxglove rolled me onto my back. "Stick that thing...brr- out." she was obviously having trouble containing her joy. "Dear Luna...this is...this is good...really...really...good."
"Fuck off ya hoorny fuck!" I pushed her off. "Goou find ah hoooker."
"Hey don't judge me! Look at that thing...it's like...awesome! Can you control it?"
I stuck my tongue out and tried to move it. "Shoorta." I had maybe fifty percent control at this point. I had a horrible struggle to just roll my tongue back into my mouth. Once I looked back up I was greeted by a slobbering batmare. "Sherioushly?"
"Maaa, maaa...." Foxglove smacked her lips hungrily. "Dear baby Luna's ass.... Can you lean down?"
"Notta chanchs." My tongue rolled out again. I gave up and started biting it. "Shtupid- ting!" I gnawed on my tongue and shook my head.
I went to pull my tongue back into my mouth when Foxglove flew at me, her wings snapping back as she latched onto my tongue. She moaned loudly as she hung her weight off of my tongue. I dropped to a knee to keep her from biting through my tongue. Foxglove was moaning, squealing and sucking on my tongue. All rather erotic, if I could feel the lower half of my tongue.
As of now all I could feel was a massive pain in the base of my tongue from Foxglove's sudden assault. "Aavin' fuun?"
Foxglove just ignored me and continued to suck on my horridly meaty tongue. She was blushing heavily and I could feel her tongue gracing the non-numb half of my tongue. She was obviously too involved to listen to me so I just closed my mouth and picked her up. I held her chest to chest with me and walked her over to my couch. I set her down and turned on the TV, resigning my numb tongue to being her plaything while I watched TV.
I jacked up the volume as her moans and coos grew too loud. I contemplated biting through my tongue to just let her have it, but by now I would have to pry her off me. She couldn't keep this up for much longer.
She proved me wrong and thirty minutes later she finally dragged her tongue, wrapped around my tongue, out and trailed an amazingly strong trail of saliva between us. "Ha...ha...ha...fuuuah!" she let out a feminine growl as she licked her lips. "That was...good...really...really...really good."
I shrugged and slurped my tongue back into my mouth.
Foxglove shook her flushed face hard. "What!?" she shoved me into the arm of my couch. "Fucker, were you just ignoring me!?"
Once again I shrugged. "I caane fel ma tongue."
Foxglove grew bitter. "You gotta be shitting me, nothing!?" I shook my head and watch the TV. "I was literally letting you fuck my mouth with your tongue and you couldn't feel a thing!?"
"Nup."
"Son of a bitch...." Foxglove laid down beside me. "Well it was good for me." she crossed her forelegs and huffed. "Like a...uh...like nothing I've ever sucked on before."
"Well taat naarows it dun."
"Oh fuck you mumble mouth!" Foxglove laid back and kicked me. "What good is that thing if you can't fucking feel it!? I mean...it's meaty and slimy and hot...and...and...huh...you should probably wash this sofa later."
"Greaat." I shoved my foot under her backside and lifted her off my couch. "Doo ya know h-w haard it ish too g-t tha cuushns baack on?!"
Foxglove just burst out laughing. "Just stop talking, please."
I glared at her and tossed a pillow under her now damp lower body. It seemed bats had taken to wearing panties just like everypony else, but her shade of grey was just different enough from her panties to make it noticeable from close up. That, and the growing wet spot where her vagina was bleeding through the thin fabric.
"So...how long is your tongue now? Like...can you--" I opened my mouth and let my tongue roll out, reaching about an inch past my chin. "Oh sweet butts, mama like." Foxglove let her mouth flop open and flicked her tongue. "So uh...how much of that beast can you control?"
I rolled my eyes and tried to flex my tongue. It felt like someone had tacked on a meaty slug to the tip of my tongue.
Foxglove was once again inching closer, about to latch onto my tongue. I pulled my mouth away and slurped my tongue again. Foxglove stared in awe before melting into my lap. "Ahh-ahhh-...do that again." I shook my head and leaned back on my couch. "Well then I have another question."
"Shooot."
"Can I fuck it?" I glared at her and stood up. "So that's a no!? Well I'm came so I'm gonna count this as third base!" I ignored her and went into my room, locking the door and watching TV in there.
"Hey so...we still had a date!" Foxglove started banging on my bedroom door. "Hello?" I didn't answer. "Fine, I'm just gonna tell everypony that we fucked!" still I didn't answer. "Ben? You still in there?! I'll do it you know!" My doorknob started going crazy. "Please? Pretty please? Boobs, tongue, anything?"
"Gow howm!" I yelled, throwing a shoe at my door.
"Come on! Humans like boobs right!?" Foxglove started scratching at my door. "Come on...I'll just...I'm gonna masturbate out here then!"
I turned up the volume as, sure enough, she started moaning into the door. "Harder...harder! Mmmm Ben fuck me harder!" She kept at this for about ten minutes before letting out an overdone climaxes and growing silent. After merely a minute she talked again. "Really!? You'd let me clop out here, alone?!" Not wanting to get in a mush mouthed debate I ignored her completely. "Fine then fucker! I'm gonna steal a shirt, go home, and rape that damn shirt!" I heard a loud rustling outside my door followed by a loud thud. She had just tipped my laundry basket and was seriously going to steal one of my shirts.
"Gonna sniff it and think of you...jerk." Foxglove huffed angrily before vacating my home. I peeked out of my bedroom and found my laundry basket on its side and a white collared shirt completely missing.
"Shhit. Ah likd dat shurt." The same moment I finished talking to myself I made another decision. "Ima go shee Lu-na, ten, goona stup talking ta myshelf." I charged outside and towards the castle.
I hailed down a familiar rickshaw and hopped in. "Hey Ben, castle?"
I nodded the my driver and we hurried off. The driver tried to my conversation but I didn't feel like embarrassing myself further. I'd explain later but for now I needed to get my tongue sorted out.
I met a familiar pony singing in the halls. "Oh die frau, die frau, die frau -- oh shit !" Datura tripped over my foot and face planted into the floor. "Owwwww! Ben- hello!" I helped her up and sorted her out. "Sorry...that was unprofessional, did you need something?"
I rolled my tongue out of my mouth again. "Haalp."
"Whoa shit- I mean...that's...huh...that's never happened before." She took to the air and held turned my head. "And that's not fake?"
"Nu-ahh--" she forced her hoof into my mouth and pulled my tongue out. I was never able to comprehend how they grabbed stuff, but it seemed to work.
"Can you move it, because it's alive." Datura quickly let me go and flew off down the hall. She came back with another of their creepy looking bottles. "Here try this." she held the bottle in her hoof for me.
"Nu- wat's innit?"
Datura gave me an annoyed look. "It's tea...just drink it."
I rolled my eyes and took the bottle. "Well ah never know with you, I mean one time it's- oh shit...he-hey look at that!" I was back in full control over my grotesquely long tongue. "Well it's not perfect but I'll take what I got." The numbness had gone but I was now horribly aware my tongue in my mouth. "So...is this gonna shrink?"
Datura started walking out. "I don't know, I'm not a doctor." Datura walked me out. "I just know what to do about a numb tongue."
I stopped her at the main exit. "There something you wanna tell me?"
"Wha- oh- oh no nothing like that! I just...let's stop talking about this okay?"
"Fine...well...I'm gonna go pick up some...gro-ce-ries." I mumbled as I spotted Foxglove wearing one of my shirts, dancing around in the background and rubbing herself with my shirt. Datura spotted what I was staring at and just started laughing at me.
"Oh dear L-Luna ahaha-- I don't-" she started snickering. I let out a few choice curses and walked off. I needed to do my chores and I didn't need a snickering pair of bat ponies laughing at me.
Papers
"Ben...how are you feeling?" Datura asked as she pranced around me. "Because let me tell you something...you look fabulous."
I looked in the mirror she gave me and felt my head. "Man...I'm fucking pale.... Is that permanent?"
Datura nodded and sat on her haunches. "Yes...it's permanent. I keep telling you that. Honestly you have nothing to complain about, no vestigial tail, no mono brow, no fur, nothing abnormal!"
I lolled my tongue out. I slurped it back up and chewed on it. "That's still kinda weird."
Datura nodded as she pulled her lower lip into her mouth. "Um...how far inside someone could you fit that? Like...how uh...how much control do you have."
"Datura, shut up."
"Okay...." She cracked a wide smile back backed up. "I'm sure Foxglove will love it."
I nodded and stretched out. "So you have the papers?"
Datura's cheeky smile quickly faded. "Are you sure about this? I mean, it's kinda sudden."
I nodded. "There was a few hours where I thought I was gonna die. I decided then, and in retrospect I really shouldn't have listened to myself, but yeah my mind's made up."
"Well...you know I have to tell Luna...and she's gonna wanna celebrate...and she gets kinda grabby with the guards so...dear Luna, bring Foxglove."
"Well I--"
"Make sure she's drunk, because she will fight princess Luna herself over you!" Datura squeaked out a cheerful squeal as she bounded around the room. "Oh, my, god!"
I stared at the giddy mare as she bounced around. "You know. Your friend came by again, you were all calm and polite and everything. What happened?"
She tried to stop herself, jamming her forelegs into the carpet in the room. "What!?" she slammed face first into the edge of the table. Her purple ponytailed mane tossing itself over her head and onto the table. "Vincent...he uh...we...."
"You fucked didn't you."
She grew red as she propped her upper half onto the table. "He's married now...you know."
"So you did...."
She scrunched up her muzzle and stared angrily at me. "I really don't like you right now."
"That's okay. Now seriously, those papers?"
She turned away, knocking a bottle off the table with her tail. "I'll get them...jerk."
I threw my hands up and picked over the dropped bottle. "It's not like I made fun of you or anything!"
Datura came back, wings flared out. "Yeah but you- well...I guess you didn't...still, screw you."
I threw my arms up. "Really?"
"No one puts Datura in a corner any more! I am a strong independent bat mare and I don't need no stallion to tell me how to live!"
I nodded with a bitter look on my face. "Vince tell you that?"
Datura went sour as she stopped her preening. "Just...sign your stupid paper."
"That's what I thought." I scolded her as I signed the adoption forms. "Now are you still coming to celebrate later?"
"Yeah...you know I am."
"Are you gonna sing?"
Datura grew a little red. "Can...can I invite a friend?"
"Sure." I capped the pen she brought me and stood back. "Bring whoever you want."
Datura smiled for a second before folding her wings and looking away. "Ben we're friends right...."
"Right...."
"So...I'm gonna do something shameful, and I don't want you to tell anyone." Before I could question she walked over and dove muzzle first into my groin. She motor boated my member as she made a weirdly pleased sound.
"Whoa...not what I was expecting...."
"Tell no one." Datura gave my thigh a final nuzzle and stepped back. "It's not because it's you. I just...it's been a while...for...any guy."
"Don't you have a kid?"
Datura frowned. "He doesn't count. He's not my kid, he's Luna's. I just helped."
"You had a fucking kid spurt out of you! That's a little more than just helping."
Datura shrugged and started walking out. "It was nine months, no big deal. No one even noticed until the sixth."
I shook my head and lead her outside into the gardens. "I get that, but it's just- did you get like a medal or something?"
"Yeah!" she chirped happily. "I did some reading and you humans have one too!"
"What the fuck are you talking about?!" I asked as sincerely as I could while still expressing my disbelief.
"Luna collects books from this place called Russia. One of the books had something about a war and women earning medals for having kids." She grew a smug smile. "I think it's pretty cool they treat women so great over there."
I lost my composure and started laughing out loud. "Aha- fuck...I can't breath." I felt my throat grow dry as my laughing took my wind. "Oh fuck...holy shit...Russia treating women well...that's...a terrible situation they have there."
"What the fuck are you talking about!? Getting a medal for being a mother is amazi--"
"They gave that medal out because they were pumping out kids to send to war. They just had so many children that they could throw them against the enemy. Hell, at one point I'm pretty sure they had more people than rifles."
Datura took a second to realized what I meant. "Oh- oh dear Luna, that's awful! So what they just- just took the babies to war?"
I tried my best not to laugh, only managing a few seconds before the imaginary of a baby soviet broke my composure. "Fucking...ahahahaha- with the little helmet."
"Ben are you laughing at me!?"
"No...no...yes, you're fucking hilariou-- ow- why?" Datura sank her teeth deep into my leg. "Seriously?"
"Don't laugh at me! Last war in Equestria was about two hundred years ago, and it end with like one dead pony who fell off a watchtower. Both sides disarmed the same day too!"
I shook my head. "No, not that. Just...babies in world war two would be tragically hilarious. No, they grew up, then went to war."
"Oh...that's not much better."
I stopped laughing and sank my gaze to the floor. "No...it's really not." I looked around the gardens. "Let's go grab Wayne and get some lunch. I got work in a few hours."
"Finally off leave?" Datura asked as she flapped her wings and lifted off the ground. "Lazy bastard."
"Oh sorry, just turn me into a bloody bat person and send me back to the grinding wheel, it's fine!"
"Don't bitch at me you git!"
"Don bitch ah me ya ah meh ma."
"Ben Datura...knock it off...." A guard yelled sourly as he walked past. "I swear."
I stared at the stallion as he wandered off. "I bet he takes it up the ass like a champ."
"Probably.... But hey look at you, single parent, turning down a lusty mare, pale, petite--"
"Don't call me petite." I snapped angrily. "And this kid is too adorable for somebody else. And plus...when he's old enough I am going to make references out the ass."
"Oh yes...to batman."
I stopped dead as she flew past. "How the fuck do you know batman?"
Datura landed on the top of a shrub. "I went to New York a few months ago, cultural studies program. I gotta tell you, joining the musicians guild has just been amazing."
"I bet entering your mom would be amazing."
"I bet your dad has a small dick."
"You're not wrong. Luckily I got my mother's--"
"Dick? Were you about to say dick?" Datura asked as she started laughing. "Such a big boy, all grown up with his mothers wang."
"You're a terrible steward."
Datura let out a single laugh. "I stopped being a steward when I joined the guild. Now I'm just me, awesome mare extraordinaire."
"Uh huh...Vince call you that?" Datura looked up with an angry expression on her face. "Alright calm down." I plucked her statue like body from the top of the shrub and put her on my shoulder. "You really liked him didn't you."
"Ben, I'm gonna give Foxglove the key to your apartment and drug you. I'll make sure Wayne won't have to watch that carnage."
"Eh. She's been humping my leg since she went into heat. So that's been going on for about three days already. I knew it was coming for a while now." We stopped talking as we headed towards the nursery, my future child and pissed of pseudo girlfriend waiting inside.
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