Twilight sat among the statues of the garden. The music faded as she waded deeper into the green walled sanctuary. The party was all but forgotten from her mind. A more troubling situation had taken precedent for the young alicorn.
Not that she enjoyed leaving her friends so early in the evening in order to be alone. No the situation was more or less a result of her presence.
She was always there and almost entirely impossible to avoid. It didn’t make it any easier. Twilight tossed her mane in agitation as she passed a statue of a mare holding a flag. Twilight felt her stomach churn. Sadly she knew it was not down to something she ate.
It frightened her really, this sudden burst of long forgotten emotions.
‘Emotion,’ corrected Twilight’s ever active mind. Twilight trotted along the cobblestone path with little sense of direction. It felt good to get lost every now and then. It gave her more time to think. But then again thinking was perhaps the last thing she wanted to do. Thinking was dangerous when it came to matters of the heart.
She had spent years controlling it, the heart that is. Romance had never really interested her. Study had always been the centre of her world. Cramming her mind with whatever knowledge it could take. She filled it with books and magic.
Of course, there had been an exception. A silly, stupid, foalish exception. An exception that should have made no sense. Then again, love never really did make sense for Twilight. It was a foreign concept to a mind so focused on a logical analysis of the world.
Not that she was foreign to feelings of attraction. She was a nerd but she was still a mare. She had been ‘interested’ in several ponies in the past and there was always that guard from the Crystal Empire. But that had been different. It was chaste more than anything else. It was different than with what she had with her.
It had been a long and turbulent process for her. But she had eventually conquered her foolish crush and supposedly moved on.
Or so she thought.
Twilight came to a clearing in the path. A single white tree sat next to a shimmering pond in the pale moonlight, its branches hung downward and lurched over towards the water. It had no leaves despite the late spring air. Dead and shrivelled.
‘How fitting,’ huffed Twilight internally as she blew a stray piece of mane from her face. She approached the tree, looking over its exterior. While not as appreciative of nature as perhaps Fluttershy was, she could still see that the tree was once a thing of great beauty in its prime. It was a shame to see how far it had fallen. A certain thought came to mind as she saws its stark white roots.
How could one incident revolving around evil plunder plants stir up long forgotten feelings. How fear had dug up something long buried. Except the feeling had come back with a vengeance as if it were trying to make up for lost time. It now ached more than ever to be near her. To see her laugh. To see her have fun. To give Twilight that special smile that melted her heart.
Twilight tried to skip a small stone across the water in imitation of an act she had seen Rainbow Dash perform previously during summer last year. Much to her disappointment, the stone sank at the first jump before disappearing into the depths of the pond. Ripples of water caressed themselves against the trunk of the tree.
“How perverse can I be?” asked Twilight to the water as if her reflection would answer her calls. Yet she did not stop. Perhaps because it was some form of coping mechanism or maybe she was suffering another psychotic episode. Either way she admitted it was therapeutic in a way if not slightly eccentric.
“How misguided in fanciful desire am I really? Why now? After all this time? Just..." She didn’t finish as she picked up another rock from the base of the tree. “Why would this come up? Maybe I’d understand if I was still in adolescence. But now?” Another rock smashed the surface of the water, its quiet peace shattered again.
“Now I stand as an equal, a fully grown mare, no longer a student or a silly filly. Now things are worse.” Twilight briefly thought her disrupted reflection shaped into a white muzzle. “Much worse.”
‘It’s wrong. You’re wrong. Maybe you’re sick.’ Twilight checked the colouration of her cheeks in her reflection. The lack of any signs of illness disappointed Twilight. When another ripple passed over her reflection she swore she saw it move.
“You’re like a daughter to her you know,” it spoke. Twilight jolted as she watched it move its unnatural lips. ‘Great I can add insanity to my ever growing list ailments.’
“It’d devastate her if you told her you know.” Twilight attempted to move to the other side of the pond but it matched her movements. “Don’t throw away what you have with her for love.” The other Twilight seemed to sneer at the last word. “What is love anyway? Chemicals reacting inside your brain trying to satisfy and justify some animalistic primal need to reproduce.
“You’re an alicorn now. You can’t even reproduce, and definitely not with her.” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Why risk something so good only to face rejection. It only makes sense that you put it away once more. What would Equestria think of you?” Twilight felt her upper eye twitch violently in tandem with her bottom lip. “What would your parents think of you?”
She slammed the water hard with her hoof. Surprised by her own violence she rubbed her temples with her now damp hooves. How simple thoughts were compared to actual talk. Confidence had never been her strong point. It was easier said than done to move along. This was no creature from the abyss that she could zap and make it disappear. She couldn’t rely on her friends this time. No this time she was alone. ‘What a terrifying thought.’
She couldn’t ignore her. No that would make it worse. She couldn’t interact with her for fear that the fatal words would slip out without duress. She couldn’t confide in anypony. No, her friends would only say to do what she already knew what to do. To just tell her. But that was improper. It wouldn’t be acceptable. She had to consider the social impact. Everything she did was scrutinised. This would be no different.
‘She is a princess. I am a princess. I have a duty to serve her to the best of my ability without my emotional insecurities getting in the way. I was raised to do what is right. To follow the rules of society. Not to fantasize over her like a schoolyard filly. That would be inappropriate. It’s just the way things are.’
Twilight collapsed in defeat. Her chest heaved in and out from half sobs she gurgled out as she lay on the smooth grass. One phrase just kept bouncing around in her head as she lay there in a pathetic state.
‘It's not fair.’
For a while silence dominated the spot where she lay. It was appropriate. It would have been scandalous should anypony have seen her like this. At least it gave her a sense of privacy. But soon her solitude was interrupted by the sound of metal on gravel. Twilight’s ears stood up alarmingly as she raised her head.
“Twilight?” asked a voice from the darkness. The familiarity of the voice shook Twilight to her core. Her mind went blank and her heart started to beat at a furious pace. If it were not for her hooves covering her mouth, she would have undoubtedly let out a surprised yelp.
‘Oh please no.’
“Twilight are you there?” the voice queried once more. There was a greater edge of concern laden in the voice this time.
‘It had to be her’. It crushed her to hear the princess sounding so distressed. ‘It just had to be her didn’t it?’ The universe was far too cruel. ‘Just…no. Don’t answer, she’ll go away eventually,’ came a cynical thought. She struggled with herself for a moment.
“I am here Princess.”
‘Foolish, idiotic mare.’
“Oh Twilight, there you are,” said Princess Celestia as she emerged into the clearing. “You had me worried there for a moment.”
Twilight gulped as she saw the princess stand in the moonlight. The gentle light emphasised her stunning white coat. The way her mane flowed as she walked with the uttermost grace. It’s colourful beauty ever moving much like the solar winds.
Her beautiful features were highlighted as if she had been carved from the very marble of perfection. Twilight gulped in some air quickly having forgotten to pace her breathing. Princess Celestia was the epitome of beauty in equine form. Her appearance never failed to amaze Twilight.
“Twilight why are you sitting alone? I would have thought you’d be out enjoying the party with your friends?”
“I’m sorry Princess,” replied Twilight with her best poker face. “I just needed some place to…think about things. It really wasn’t necessary to come out here and find me.”
“It’s Celestia when we're not in public,” she sighed as she nuzzled Twilight. The purple alicorn stiffened at the sudden warmth but closed her eyes and leaned into it as she adjusted. Twilight quickly stifled a coo that she was about to utter. Eventually they mutually separated much to Twilight’s relief. “Besides, if you came out here to think then it must be something of great importance.” Celestia giggled as she walked past Twilight towards the pond.
“Oh it wasn’t really anything,” lied Twilight with a nervous chuckle.
“I tend to disagree,” smiled Celestia as she settled by the pond. Nothing you think of is insignificant Twilight." Twilight blushed as Celestia looked at the pond. "Though I must admit you choice of place is most surprising. I haven’t been down this path in a long time."
“It is rather beautiful,” said Twilight not really focusing on scenery but rather the mare that occupied it.
“Hmm it once was. This tree used to blossom every year.” The smile on Celestia’s face slackened as she looked over the tree. “But alas it has died. Shame really. This spot is rather nice no?”
"Very nice," retorted Twilight goofily her eyes never moving from the alabaster alicorn. Celestia laughed at Twilight’s brief answer.
“Always such a positive attitude,” giggled Celestia seemingly oblivious to her companion’s stares. “You were always eager to please”
“Only you,” whispered Twilight under her breath.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.” The dejection in her voice was noticeable much to Twilight’s distress but for some reason it felt right. ‘Just nothing. Stupid mouth. Stupid brain. Stupid feelings.’ Celestia eyebrow was now raised indicating that she knew something was up.
“Are you sure you’re okay Twilight?”
“Just fine,” hissed Twilight trying desperately not to look at those beautiful, caring violet eyes. ‘Stiff upper lip now. Keep it together. Don’t fall apart. Just tell her that you need to go and teleport off before she can corner you.’
“I’m sorry Princess. I should really get back to the party,” said Twilight with the most faux smile she could manage. “It’d be a shame to leave my friends all alone.” Twilight turned away from the now standing alicorn and prepared the spell. Yet all she felt was an odd trickle of water spilling down her cheek.
Then as suddenly as she prepared the spell it stopped. Like a candle blown out by a harsh wind, she felt an unusual magical presence surrounding her horn thus suppressing her magic. Twilight quickly located the source to be none other than a rather worried looking Princess Celestia.
“Twilight, I’m not going to let you walk out of here without talking to me. This is obviously something that is causing you great distress.” Celestia moved over to Twilight. “As your… friend,” spoke Celestia hesitantly almost unsure in tone. “It is my duty to help you in any way I can.” Celestia moved one of her graceful wings and softly brushed off Twilight’s tears.
Twilight rubbed her hoof at the spot briefly having enjoyed the touch of such soft feathers against her coat. She wondered if her wings would ever grow to be like the princess’.
“I’d rather not discuss it,” was all Twilight could utter as her last feeble defence against her inevitable defeat. She couldn’t resist Celestia’s prodding for long even when it went so deep. All she could hope for was that the princess would respect her decision and leave her be.
“Twilight, do you trust me?” asked Celestia. Twilight backed away in anger. Her face contorted into a scowl. Celestia looked on with wearied eyes.
“Of course!” snapped Twilight. Twilight shook her head. She didn’t like raising her voice against the princess but this was an exception. “It’s different this time. I can’t…tell you.” Twilight felt her heart rate increase rapidly; her heaving breaths came in rapid succession.
“Twilight you can tell me anything. You know that right? I just want to do what’s best for you.” Celestia attempted to embrace the mare once more but was rebuffed as Twilight avoided her, moving to a safe distance from the feathery appendages. Celestia stopped and sat where she was indicating that she was awaiting an answer.
“Of course you do. Just why do you have to do that?” Celestia could only frown deeply at the mare’s tone. “Why do you have to be so frustrating sometimes? Why do you have to be so…you.” Twilight began pacing rapidly around the edges of the pond. Her mane began to become unkempt in the process.
“Is there something particularly wrong with being me, Twilight?” asked Celestia as her eyebrow rose. There was no anger or distress in her voice but it was enough to make Twilight wince as if she’d been struck.
“No you’re per-no! Ugh, there you go again. I hate how you can turn my words against me." Her body shook as each word poured out. Twilight just wanted to scream, maybe cry or just lay down and sleep; it was a whirlwind of conflicting desires. Celestia stood up in concern noting Twilight’s shaking form.
“Twilight, calm down and just talk please, for me?” Twilight stopped as she heard that voice, it held such command over her. Twilight looked up at the bright eyes of endless patience and wisdom. The curve of her perfect jaw adorned with a frown which somehow still looked so graceful on her. The way the light illuminated everything perfect about her. 'Stop that now. You're doing yourself no favours.'
“I-I no. I can’t it’s…” Her courage failed her at the last moment Twilight seized up unable to say anymore.
“What is so terrifying that you can’t tell me,” whispered Celestia.
“That I…I…..”
‘Go and run,' spat a voice in the back of her mind. ‘It’s all you’re good for. Little Twily still acting like a child who needs her friends to fight her battles for her. So go run and leave the mare you love.’ Twilight could take no more insults. Her teeth grinded together as her thoughts spoke and finally as it reached its climax she shouted out in exasperation.
“That…I love you for divine’s sake! That I’ve always loved you! Can’t you see why I could never tell you!" Twilight paused to gather her breath before the realisation hit her. “Wait a minute… oh no.”
Twilight almost screamed but it died in her throat and was replaced instead by a weird gurgling sound. Terror encompassed every part of her being. She was dead. She just didn’t know it yet. She wondered briefly through her incalculable fear on whether the view would be nice from the surface of the sun.
A perturbed silence reigned over on the garden once more with only Twilight’s heavy breaths being audible. The voice in Twilight’s head was silent as the two eyed each other. The tranquillity was haunting. Occasionally the wind blew a solemn tune through the leaves on the nearby bushes.
Twilight waited for any reaction from the princess. It would certainly be better than nothing at all. Anger, scorn, hatred, perhaps even a sense of pity, she was ready for it all. Well not really, but that’s what she told herself as if it even mattered. She certainly hoped it wasn’t the last reaction. It would kill her if the princess shrugged off her confession and just wound up feeling sorry for Twilight. Pity was the last thing she wanted.
But the princess gave no clear signs to Twilight. Her face was completely blank. In all of her time that she had known the princess had she ever seen her so expressionless. In another time or place this would have been a source of pride for Twilight, considering how hard it seemed to be to surprise the ancient mare.
“When did you develop these…feelings for me if you don’t mind me asking?” she eventually inquired her voice low but neutral. Celestia’s mane shifted and covered her face completely making it impossible to see any meaningful reaction. Not that it would have revealed anything to Twilight anyway. ‘Pretty damn cute though.’ Twilight shook her head. ‘Now is not the time.’
“I’ve… I’ve had-well dealt with it for years,” muttered Twilight as her cheeks reddened. “I can’t really eh, state a said date when it happened. It just did.
“I suppose it’s…always been there in a way. I mean hearing about how great you were. The knowledge you possessed. How you were the envy of every mare and stallion of Equestria.” Even though it was too dark to see, Celestia clearly sputtered as Twilight spoke.
“How you were so…majestic when you’d raise the sun at the celebration each year. I guess that a small crush developed into a larger one when you took me under your wing. Ah metaphorically speaking of course.
“You…eh, changed my life Princess.” Twilight used her wing to emphasize her point. It fell to her sides as she sagged. "But that was no excuse to…have such irrational thoughts.” Twilight winced internally at her use of such formal terminology; she wished she could have expressed it better. “So I got over you, well I thought did anyway, and you know what, it wasn’t easy. Of course, it being you, it wouldn’t be.” Twilight felt the tears threatened her eyes as she kept speaking.
“But I did,” she sniffed. “Only for it to be all messed up again. You had to get captured by a plant of all things. You had to get me in a panic and now suddenly I’m starting to feel these things again. And you know what? That sucks. This whole thing sucks. I just-” Twilight blew into her hoof as she could contain her tears no longer. Celestia instantly got to her hooves to try and approach Twilight. Though the mare evaded her again.
“You could have told me,” said Celestia in her most comforting tone.
“Yeah if only it was that simple," groaned Twilight as she wiped the remaining tears away. “I’d tell you and what? Risk losing everything I had. I couldn’t deal with that. I can’t even deal with a late friendship report let alone confessing my feelings to a mare that by rights should be like a second mother to me but isn’t.”
“Twilight there is nothing wrong with feeling like this. Admittedly it is of surprise to me but such feelings are natural and-”
“No they are not!” shouted Twilight her throat throbbing at having to raise her voice after crying. “How many times do I have to tell they’re not?! It’s wrong. Plain and simple.”
“This is ridiculous Twilight. To suggest that love is wrong is…”
“With you it is. Well not in that way.” Twilight felt her skull rock as she shifted from bitter to remorseful in a few seconds. This emotional whiplash she was currently suffering from was doing very little to improve her already pitiful mood. She rubbed her head with her damp hoof.
“I didn’t mean… it’s just our positions if you think about it." A confused expression crossed Celestia’s face as Twilight mounted the courage to meet her gaze once more. “You’re the teacher, I’m the student. Well I’m a princess now but the principles are the same. You raised me in a way. It’s not right. I shouldn’t…”
“Twilight, when have you ever cared for such things?”
“It’s you I care for,” sighed Twilight. “I’d never do that to you. To put that burden on you both personally and publicly. Imagine if the media or the nobility found out?" Twilight stopped as if to contemplate the thought. “Never. Not to you. I’m not willing to let my feelings ruin your image.”
“That is a horrible thing to say Twilight,” gasped Celestia.
“But it’s the truth. You said to me once we all have to make sacrifices for the greater good. Including me. It’s not meant to be. You and me that is.” Twilight still felt uncomfortable even referencing a relationship. It was as if the words themselves were some form of taboo. “My role is to go off and find some nice noble stallion and settle down with him and live a happy and productive life guiding Equestria in every way I can.” Twilight cringed at the very idea.
“I’d hate it though. It wouldn’t be the same. It’d be a lie because…because it’s not you.” Celestia’s frown deepened as she listened.
Twilight straightened herself despite her exhaustion. The moon had lowered significantly since Twilight’s arrival. This whole debacle had wearied her beyond belief. She felt as if she had aged by ten years. But she knew that the hardest part had come, the goodbye.
"I think I should get going princess, if that’s alright with you." It wasn’t as much a question but more of a statement of intent. It would never be the same after this, everything was changed utterly and none for the better.
“Twilight, I think that you need to hear some things,” said Celestia quietly. “If you would just let me explain.”
“No I told you already,” replied Twilight definitively. “There is no room for argument. I’ve answered your every question. I’ve put everything I’ve bottled up for years out in the open for you. I just want this to end and if this has to be the way it has to be then so be it.
“Of course it will make working together awkward I just hope it won’t unsettle the relationship we already have. I hope you don’t discard me because of this. I mean I know that this is terrible and I’m terrible because of it. Am I rambling I tend to ramble when you give me that look. Maybe I should just shut up.
“But that still leaves Luna. She’ll need to know. Seems only fair that she know why we’ll become distant. I guess I’m going to contingency plan 561 with this. I’ll have to deal with the big hitters after this maybe Cadance and Shining Armor then my friends which is not…”
“Twilight.” Celestia moved to Twilight and held her in place with magic so the mare could no longer use the space of the clearing to separate them. She lowered her head down to within inches of Twilight’s, surprising the young mare with the warmth of Celestia’s breath hitting her face. “Did I ever tell you that you talk too much sometimes?”
Without warning, Celestia leaned and surrounded Twilight’s stunned lips. A gentle warmth passed between them. Twilight’s shock subsided as her wide eyed expression shut and leaned back vigorously into the kiss.
Twilight‘s mind raced. Her thoughts were like a superconductive highway for a moment. She was afraid she would have collapsed were it not for the gentle but firm hoof that supported her back. It all faded as her world was suddenly occupied with the kind yet wet lips wrapped around hers. It was a fantasy come true. For a moment it was too good to be real, another dream she reasoned.
Yet here she was, in the present moment. Everything felt real. The sounds of slight moaning, the smell of her subtle perfume, the fact that Twilight could see her princess in front of her, her eyes closed in concentration. The soft touch of the princess’s fur against hers.
‘No, this has to be real,’ she reasoned it just has to be. Twilight was in bliss. Even if the moment was brief in its tenure. The need for air soon outweighed her passion. The separation of lips was mutual as heavy breaths hit each other’s face. Celestia smiled as she looked down at Twilight.
“But… what…how?” Twilight sputtered as she pulled away, thoroughly embarrassed as she realised her wings were at full spread. Celestia giggled.
“You have grown into an amazing mare Twilight Sparkle,” said Celestia as she gently ran her hoof down Twilight’s cheek in an attempt to dry the dampness. “I would be foolish not to say that you’ve become beautiful and wise beyond your years. But even then that is not why I find myself attracted to you.” Celestia’s brought the younger mare into a hug. It was like being wrapped in the warmest blanket Twilight ever felt. “You’ve brought so much joy into the lives of those around you, mine included. I’ll admit that you have always had a special place in my heart Twilight." Celestia briefly broke her gaze to look up at one of the tower s of Canterlot. One which Twilight recognised as the lunar tower.
“Besides, you returned something I thought I would never get back, and for that I’m eternally grateful." Twilight felt a drop of liquid trickle down her mane. "Oh would you look at that, seems I’m getting a bit emotional. Please excuse an old mare Twilight,” laughed Celestia through a hiccup. Twilight waited a moment for the princess to compose herself.
“B-b-but surely you can’t see me as-”
“Love is never wrong Twilight,” cooed Celestia brushing Twilight’s mane back down to a more organised state. “No matter what shape or form it may take.”
“But what about everything I said. Y-you can’t date me! No, it’s inconceivable!” Twilight felt her defences weaken as her heart kept telling her to keep quiet.
“Frankly, my dear,” she said as she cusped Twilight’s cheek. “I don’t give a damn.”
The kiss was as loving as the first but perhaps less steamy. The passion and desire was still there though. But it was more gentle than before and less impulsive, yet it was every bit as much bliss for Twilight as the first. As it ended Twilight could only don the stupidest grin she had ever had in her life before laughing awkwardly.
“That line was terrible.”
“You know what they say, the corniest lines are often the best,” snorted Celestia. The atmosphere had lightened significantly as the two mares held each other close. Eventually Celestia leaned into the hug one more time before getting up leaving a slightly dazed Twilight swaying from side to side.
“Come Twilight. I believe it is time that we re-joined the party. We wouldn’t want to keep anypony waiting lest they become worried for us," she teased while winking at the lavender alicorn.
“There are still so many questions. How can you just brush them off like this? This is like big! Really big, a-and you’re just dealing with it as if it’s nothing. I mean just think-”
“I’m sure we’ll deal with it as we go along. After all, it wouldn’t be very exciting if there weren’t some bumps in the road.”
“You’re starting to sound like Discord now,” questioned Twilight with some scepticism. It made Celestia stop to regard Twilight once more with her now mischievous yet somehow still entrancing eyes.
“Well that’s a bit of a cause for concern. I suppose it’s the spring air.”
“Hmm perhaps.”
The two remained staunch for a few moments more before bursting out in giggles. It felt good to laugh again for Twilight. How could she have ever known how her confession would lead to this? In fact Twilight was unsure of where it would all lead, not just the possibility of a relationship, but also the consequences of it. Not that she cared that much in the present. She just felt so happy in that one moment. It was surreal what had happened. But it was all replaced by the gentle chime of her laugh as they enjoyed each other’s company. The two eventually stopped before Twilight decided to ask one more question.
“Twilight?” asked Celestia.
“Just a thought, what are we exactly now Celestia?”
“Whatever you want us to be Twilight,” smirked Celestia before indicating for Twilight to join her under her wing. Twilight happily accepted the offer this time.
“In that case you don’t mind if we do something different.” Celestia gave a questioning look but said nothing. “ To j-just go for walk for a moment? It is quite lovely out you know. It’d be a shame to waste such a wonderful evening inside.”
“But what about your friends? They're still waiting for us to return.” The question seemed serious but the way Celestia’s ears perked up at the idea of a walk alone with Twilight in the gardens gave away her true desire.
“I’m sure they can wait,” she replied happily as she brushed up against Celestia’s side as she exited from under her wing. She moved in front of the curious looking princess before she extended her hoof out to Celestia matched with a low and humble bow.
“So shall we take leave, milady?” Twilight felt really stupid. It was all terribly corny but it was almost natural in way. She felt justified in her rather silly actions as if it were appropriate towards Celestia. Then again Twilight always had assumed she had the flirting ability of a bucket of paint. This, needless to say, was confirmed by her friends, though it didn’t seem to faze Celestia at all. Instead she seemed rather endeared by the display. Celestia’s smile grew to Cheshire proportions as she put out her own hoof in reply and wrapped it around Twilight’s giving it a light squeeze of reassurance.
“I’d like that," she said as she took the outstretched hoof with her own and exited the garden with Twilight by her side feeling more alive than she had been in years. “I’m sure we have much to discuss my faithful student.”
The two grinned as they sauntered away occasionally playfully knocking each other’s sides as they went. The beautiful twinkling starlight and the glow of the moon would give way to early morning. The usually silent garden was filled with the sound of wondrous laughter as the new dawn rose.
Author's Note
Edited by Grimman007
Hurray my first Twilestia story. So tear into me with this. Wrote mainly while I was sick. I just kind of thought of all the things wrong with a relationship between Twiligth and Celestia and put them in Twilight 's head.
Please point out any mistakes present. I may do a sequel with Celestia's perspective during the party if this is popular enough.
Hope you enjoy!
