The Conversion Bureau: Shepard And Applejack Save Humanity

by Bendy

Rating: mature
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Romance, Science Fiction, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Sex
Length: 983

Commander Shepard and his trusty steed Applejack save Humanity from evil Celestia, that wants to turn all Humanity into pastel smiling Pony zombies.

Commander Shepard and his trusty steed Applejack save Humanity from evil Celestia, that wants to turn all Humanity into pastel smiling Pony zombies.

Warning: Rude sexy jokes and general stupidness.

Published 2014-01-25 00:30:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-25 00:30:05 UTC

Commander Shepard And Applejack Save Humanity

Somewhere in some weird universe within the vastness of the multiverse, an evil Pony God was planning to open a portal to another dimension and plotted to commit xenocide on Humanity, by turning them all into pastel smiling Pony zombies.

Because she was an evil jerk.

The evil Pony God was a white Alicorn by the name of Princess Celestia. Her plan of attack was to lazily sit on her throne eating chocolate cake and drinking beer, and let all her mind controlled Ponies do all the work. By telling them to run straight into heavily defended Human fortresses, to get themselves mowed down in droves by machines guns in a brilliant display of tactical genius.

And an expanding magical barrier that vaporizes Human flesh and man made buildings. Because she was too much of a coward to fight fairly with her terrible medieval weapons against Humanity's guns. And used magic to make herself invincible, because she's a wimp.

***

Meanwhile, in another silly universe.

On a beautiful sunny day Commander Shepard was still wearing his black N7 armor, after recently saving the entire galaxy from the evil Reapers using the Elements of Harmony, his Pony friends gave to him.

He was now making out with his true love under an apple tree, in an apple tree orchard, much better than all his alien lovers before. The beautiful alien Pony Applejack, whom was lying on top of her Human lover as she made out with him. Her beautiful blonde hair, sweet southern accent and dat ass, was all the things he wanted in a person to bang.

Commander Shepard pulled away with a look of concern on his face.

"What is it Shepard?" asked Applejack softly.

"I feel something evil is about to happen in another parallel universe. We must put a stop to it!"

"What's happening sugarcube?"

"An evil counterpart of our good and sexy Celestia is planning to turn all Humanity into pastel smiling Pony zombies!" Applejack gasped in shock. "I know!" Shepard stood up. "Come with me my trusty steed and let's save Humanity!"

Commander Shepard mounted himself on Applejack's back.

"Yee haw! Let's kick that bitch's butt!" she shouted.

Applejack picked up her hat up off the ground and then her and Commander Shepard disappeared in a blinding flash of light.

***

Commander Shepard mounted on top of Applejack appeared outside Celestia's throne room.

In the throne room Celestia was flashing her horn with a blinding light to open a portal into another universe, in order to commit xenocide on the Human race for no reason.

Suddenly, the doors to her throne room were sent flying across the hall, by Applejack, using the power of her legs to buck the doors and send them flying.

"What? What is the meaning of this?!" her eyes went wide in shock noticing a Human."Why is there a Human on your back Applejack?!" she shouted.

"Because he's my lover, you evil bitch!"

"What? I will not tolerate this!" she fired two red laser beams from her eyes at the lovers. But they remained unfazed with not even a scratch on them. "What!?! How can you be sill alive?!"

"Because we are from an overpowered silly universe!" shouted Shepard.

"I-I.... I'm sorry for attacking you. What do you want?"

"Leave Humanity alone or you will feel the wrath of Applejack and Commander Shepard." shouted Applejack.

"Fine, fine. I guess, I have no choice."

There is a blinding flash of light, followed by the appearance of another angry Celestia next to the Human and Pony lovers.

"Listen here, you evil bitch! You leave Humanity alone! I can't fall asleep without masturbating to sexy Human porn before I go to bed!" she shouted.

"Uh Humie Celestia, it's already-- began Shepard before being interrupted.

"Not now you sexy bastard!" she turned and continued to yell at Celestia sitting on her throne. "I mean how dare you try harm my sexy Humans! Humans should be treated with kindness and consensual sex! Not war and xenocide!"

"You disgust me!" said the other Celestia, whose face turned a little green.

"Well, you're just a mean xenophobic bitch! I mean, have you ever felt a Human hand playing with your--

"Shut up! I don't want to hear about your sick Human fetish!" she shouted.

"Now, sugarcube." Applejack began softly. "You sound like someone who's been denying themselves, I sense deep down in your heart that you actually loved Humans once."

Tears began to fall from Celestia's eyes.

"Noooooooooo!" shouted a deep demonic voice.

An evil shadowy demon in the shape of a banana came out of Celestia's body and no longer had mind control over her and her subjects.

"Curse you, Applejack. Curse yooooooou!" the demon screamed before his body faded away into nothing.

The Celestia on the other hand that was possessed by the demon was now wailing in grief.

"I-I.... I was going to become a monster! I was going to kill the very thing I loved! I should kill myself! I was going to become an evil--

Shepard jumped off Applejack, ran up the steps to interrupt by her giving her a hug from answering the flashing blue paragon symbol, that appeared on the right in his eye sight.

"You are not evil, anyone of us could be possessed by an evil demon." he said.

"But--

"But nothing! Go now and find that special Human."

Celestia wiped away her tears and blew her muzzle with a tissue. The other Celestia, was overwhelmed by such a display of emotion, which caused her to cry as well and blew her muzzle with a tissue too.

"Thank you, Commander Shepard for saving me from that evil demon. I shall never forget this."

"You're welcome."

With that Commander Shepard and his lover Applejack and the other Celestia teleported back home to their own universes.

End