Dwindling Light

August 3rd 2014, 9:16 A.M.

Golden Oaks Library, Ponyville, Equestria

I lay here staring at the ceiling, thinking, waiting, hoping that some sort of understanding would reveal itself to me. Why had this happened to me of all the people it could have happened to? Did I do something wrong with my life? Did someone have an ill will towards me and make a wish that came true? Was everything I did not held in good intent but an underlying hatred for all? Nothing I thought of made any sense to me but I suppose it was just a way for me to process these events.

“Robert…” I heard Twilight say from the doorway. I didn’t acknowledge her in the slightest as I continued to stare at the ceiling. “...are you okay?” She asked this time. I didn’t look at her but I acknowledged her this time by slightly nodding. She could tell I was lying. “Do you want to talk about it?” She continued. I shook my head and turned to face her.

“Sorry Twilight but not right now.” I replied emotionless before I turned to face the ceiling again. The only response was the clopping of hooves and the door shutting behind her as she left.

“Thou shouldst really speak to someone Robert. Wallowing in pity isn’t going to restore thine cheer nor can it restore thine hope.” Zeke said from beside me. He was laying down on the left side of the bed closest to the wall.

“I know that Zeke but right now I need to figure myself out first before I approach someone and speak with them about this. The only two that I’d be willing to speak with about this is you and Luna because you both saw the dream.”

I felt Zeke’s hand phase through my head, causing me to shiver. Creepy. “If thou only choose to speak with but two who know not how to treat thee, how dost thou expect to improve?” He asked as I shook my head.

“It’s not about improving Zeke. It’s about understanding why it happened. What caused it. Who did this to me. I can cope with dying and the funeral believe me. I just want to know why.” What I said was true, in time I’d be able to fully come to terms with what happened but to be at peace, true peace, I would need to find answers.

“Thou can’t linger upon it for long lest thou dost choose to continue alone.” Zeke replied. Seems he’s adopted my cryptic talk, for lack of a better explanation, all too well. I gave a small chuckle.

“Perhaps Zeke but venturing the dark isn’t something foreign to me. I won’t venture alone because I’ll have you, even if you’re but an extension of my subconscious mind.”

“Thou can’t solely rely on thine own mind for support as we are of the same. Extend the hand thou doth bear to reach out to another physical being for the support we may not give. Travel the dark as thou may but never allow thyself to travel alone as traveling the dark with another is better than traversing the light alone.”

I couldn’t respond because what he said was true. I have been alone for the longest time my friends missing the signs that I wanted them there because I was so stubborn and bullheaded that I pushed them away when they were needed the most. I chose to do everything alone, to bear the burden of my own load not allowing anyone to help me, to cope with everything alone not telling anyone of my pain. Even though I was surrounded by friends and family, I still chose to be alone.

I looked over to speak to Zeke again but he had left in the time I let myself think. I heard a knock on the door. “Come in.” I said. The door opened slightly and Twilight poked her head in.

“I heard you saying stuff like you were replying to somepony. Are you okay?” She asked while raising an eyebrow.

I thought about it for a second. Maybe I should talk to her, even if she can’t help me figure stuff out she’ll at least listen. I shook my head. “I’m not I suppose, as to replying to someone I was.”

She opened the door a little more and entered the room fully. “Where is the pony you were talking to?” She asked charging her horn with a little magic. I laughed and waved my hand.

“You won’t find him Twilight, he’s not exactly a living creature that you can see, feel, or hear. At least you can’t.” I pointed out as she looked at me worriedly, her horns magic dissipating.

“What do you mean?” She probed.

“It’s hard to explain so I’ll put it as best I can. The creature is the manifestation of my subconscious mind, and I know it might sound weird but his name is Zeke. Believe me I didn’t choose it.” I promptly felt a hand, yes a hand, slap me in the back of the head. I turned around and saw Zeke standing on the bed glaring down at me with his arms crossed.

I turned to Twilight who was looking at me a little more confused than before. “He’s here now,” I gestured to him behind me “ and he just slapped me. Long story short, he can hurt me if he so chooses but no-one else.” Twilight came over and knocked me on the head with her hoof.

“HEY! That was mean!” I exclaimed as I massaged my head and heard Zeke laughing from behind me. I elbowed him in the knee. Guess I can hurt him as well now.

“I was just seeing if that would do anything to fix it.” Twilight said as I held a flat expression and stared at her.

“If anything could have fixed it Twilight, it would have by now. He’s been around since before I arrived, at least for a little bit before I arrived. The sphere pretty much brought him to life in a way.” I said gesturing to him. An idea hit me. “Twilight? Are you able to cast a spell to see through others eyes perchance?” I asked a little too excited.

“Yes but magic hurts you and this spell-” I cut her off.

“Just do it, I know the repercussions that it may cause.” I implored her.

“Okay…don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She said as she charged her horn and closed her eyes as I felt a burning sensation in my eyes followed the oh so beloved shock of her magic taking effect. I was facing Zeke already who was just casually waving as I felt Twilight take control and blink a few times before she retreated from my being.

She shook her head fervently as she blinked furiously. “Ow ow ow ow ow.” She repeated over and over.

“Guessing you felt the pain as well?” I asked. When she finally stopped and was still blinking away the pain she nodded.

“Yeah I did, I also saw that thing you were talking about.”

“Hey I’m not a thing! I’m a subconscious manifestation of his!” Zeke quickly retorted speaking through me.

Twilight looked at me confused for a second. “Sorry, Zeke’s able to speak through me now. The outburst the other day wasn’t me, it was him. Yes that’s what I wanted to say but I wasn’t the one saying it.” I tried explaining.

“Well ummm, do you think he’s dangerous?” she asked.

I shook my head. “If he were dangerous I’m sure he would have killed me by now, let alone speak to me like he does. Although if you consider slapping me in the back of the head dangerous then we got a problem on our hands.” I chuckled lightly at my joke.

“We sure do.” Twilight deadpanned.

“Well as I was saying Zeke isn’t dangerous in the slightest to me. In a way he’s the one helping me cope right now but only speaking with him could be detrimental considering he’s literally a part of me. I guess what I’m getting at is that I need someone to talk to about this whole thing.” I stared down at my hands that were clenched together on my lap as I felt the empty portion of the bed next to me depress as Twilight climbed onto it and laid down next to me floating over some papyrus, an inkwell, and a quill.

“Do you mind?” Twilight asked as she nodded to the items. I shook my head.

“I don’t mind, everything has been taken away from me, never to be dreamt of nor seen again in this life. Maybe one day reading back into this might give me some insight to how to deal with my future problems as they do for you at times.” I made my voice low only for her to hear me even though we were the only ones around currently.

I felt a hoof on my lap as she stared up at me with a smile. “Don’t talk like that Robert, who knows one day we might get you back to where you came from.” She said optimistically.

I shook my head as I had every doubt in my mind that would ever happen. “I wish I could share your optimism Twilight but its simply not in my nature as a pessimist.”

“A what?” Twilight asked much to my surprise.

“Someone who habitually sees the worse in everything or assumes the worse before the good that could come.” I explained.

“Oh.” She said slightly downed by it. “You’re not a pessimist, you’re just… hurt. You’ve had wrong done to you and you’re just trying to cope right now.”

“We wish it were that simple Twilight Sparkle for this be how one such as us hath carried ourselves for many moons. Let not our rare cheer deceive thine senses lest thou fall prey to the wall we should build so high in front. We allow our sides to be unguarded so that one may show us the truth. Pray tell us Twilight Sparkle, how wouldst thou cope with the pain that had been wrought upon us? Wouldst thou see thy light of the sun goddess, or wouldst thou hide in the shadows of the moon goddess? We bid thee to tell us.”

Twilight looked taken aback as she wrote everything Zeke had said. “Well um, I don’t really know what you mean by that last part but I can tell you how I’d cope. I’d probably talk with Celestia, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, or Shining Armor.” I slammed my fist into my leg.

“Yet thou speakest as if we could do as thou could and speak so solidly with ones whom we would call our family! Doth thou not know the pain of which hath been wrought?! Our family bid us dead as we lay in a casket headed for the earth to be buried and never seen again by the light of the sun nor by the dim rays of the moon! Our body striped of what once had made us living and but a remnant of what we are now! Thou can’t nearly comprehend the sorrow or pain that we shouldst ever feel as thou hast never known loneliness of thine death! THEY BID US DEAD TWILIGHT SPARKLE! NEVER TO RISE AGAIN! NEVER TO SAY HELLO NOR GOODBYE! NEVER TO Say… never to say we love thee ever again.”

I never seemed to not cry when speaking with someone here. The yelling had done me some good but I doubt it did well for my friendship with Twilight. “I am sorry Twilight but we, Zeke and I, don’t think you could understand our predicament if you even tried.” I stood and grabbed my crutch hobbling to the door.

“Where are you going?” Twilight asked as she set her stuff down and walked up next to me.

“To clear my mind.”

“What do you mean?”

“To speak with someone.”

“To speak with whom?”

I didn’t answer her as I hobbled out of the room and down the steps. I looked back when I reached the front door to see if she would stop me but she didn’t, far as I knew she was still in my room. I lowered my gaze back to the doorknob and pushed opened the door.

August 3rd 2014, 12:34 P.M.

Nightmare Statue, Everfree Forest, Equestria

I stood in front of the statue that had once depicted the goddess of the night, at least how she once was. It was strange to think that at one time Princess Luna had once been a malevolent being bent on throwing Equestria and it’s surrounding countries into a everlasting night. Why had I come here? To speak of course. To whom? To no-one.

To speak was only to let my emotions to take control and not let them try to feel and actually listen. I’d been pushing Twilight away from me and I had yelled at her for what? Wallowing in self misery. I truly am a hollow shell of whom I once was. The purpose of why all this happened wasn’t because I was to be punished. Not because I was the victim of a cruel spell. No. It happened because I had long wallowed in self pity where I had nothing to wallow in.

The world chose to give me a reason to wallow, to feel pain, to be sad, and to resent. I’ve slowly started becoming the sole thing I swore up and down that I would never become because all that was around me now was true gloom through and through.

“At least the answer of why is clear to me now.” I thought aloud. Not particularly to myself as I felt something watching me. “At least I think it is, but you would wish me to think more would you not Luna?” I heard the rustling of leaves and the clopping of hooves behind me. “You really should try sneaking up on the more unsuspecting of prey Princess.” I stated proudly as she stood next to me staring at the statue.

“It is a wonder how thou wouldst detect us but we suppose that going unnoticed isn’t always fun.” She said. She stepped forwards and placed her hoof on the statue before turning to me. “No doubt thou hast read about what had happened over a millenium ago and the more recent history of the Nightmare?” She asked.

I nodded. “I do. Sadly that’s the reason I came here. To further cope and with hopes of contacting you in some odd way.”

“Why wouldst thou seek to contact us?”

“To talk with somebody that would understand right now.” I turned to her to see if she understood. She very well did as she lowered her head.

“Of loss and loneliness we do know that pain thou doth feel as of now. Loss shalt never be easy lest thine heart hath grown dark, forever will the marks remain upon thy heart and soul.” She shook her head. “For a fortnight after we hath returned, we sought to cry over what we had done to harm our dear sister and subjects.” She stared up towards the moon before she continued.

“We thought that all had only chose to revel in the glory of our sisters day and resent the beauty of the night. We had thought wrong and the wrongdoings done by us brought us a fate worse than death. We had ignored our sisters plea to lower the moon and to listen to reason but our mind had failed us and given into resent.”

“Days and years doth not go by in which we wish to take back what we had done. We failed our sister and our subjects that day. How we coped was within ourselves. We confided within none but our sister and even then we still had trouble. Thine feelings art not alone in this world but shared by us and many more.”

“Thou may wallow in pity but know that thou art not alone so long as thine has Twilight standing by thy side. We know she may not understand but at the very least she doth try. Thinking she doth not care for thee is a mistake in it’s own Robert. Of another species thou might be but she knows thine art still alive and hast feelings beyond that of simple expression.” By the time she finished she was no longer down in mood but standing proud and tall in front of me smiling.

“I shall never stop caring for those I lose, never in a million years.” I grabbed my dogtag at this point and was staring at Luna with determination. “They will stay forever in my heart and mind as reminder of what I have promised and who I am as a person. Sometimes I just need that little reminder that everything that has happened is only leading me towards something better. I can’t let this break me down because if I do, then who would I become? I may be hurting but I know my pain is not mine alone to bear.”

“Perhaps there is a greater reason as to why I am here than what I think. I will wallow and weep for those I have lost but I can’t let that take me over. I have to continue forward and continue living for everyone. For myself. I digress Luna. You are someone that can make me see the light when darkness clouds my vision it seems. I may be hollow inside but never am I alone.” I finished as I hugged Luna, feeling her tense up a bit before loosening up. She returned the hug as best she could with her wings.

“Thine family, wouldst thou wish to speak about them in fond memory with us?” She asked.

I thought about it for a second before I nodded. “I’d like that very much.” I responded as I walked over to the nearby bench. Her following me.

“Thou spoke of them in that letter as something great, were they really that much to thee?”

I sighed and looked up to the night sky. “Yeah…they really were, and so much more than family.” I started talking about my family and previous adventures I had with them and my friends. From the time I had first gone adventuring in the woods near my trailer park with my friend David to the time me and my friends went out in a Typhoon on Okinawa to play in the Drainage system.

The night carried on as we laughed and shared our past, present and dreams for the future. The last thing I remember was seeing a streak of white light shooting across the night sky and wishing upon it like a shooting star.