Bunderbliss

(7)

Despite the day being long and tiresome, the night seemed to pass more swiftly. Once Lee was released from the hospital, he, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash made their way to Twilight's home at the tree library. There wasn't much in the way of small-talk, but there were a few curious questions from Twilight, as she did her best to observe Lee in the nighttime.

Mostly though, the three of them walked on in relative silence until they arrived; tired, weary, and most of all, ready for sleep. Unfortunately that supposedly meant no sleep for Lee. As per the doctor's orders, he wasn't allowed to drift off into any sort of peaceful repose until he was well past the danger of slipping into a coma. Regardless, little more than half an hour later, Lee was asleep on the sofa in Twilight's den, while Rainbow Dash and Twilight shared the one bed in the loft. There was little argument, since both Lee and Twilight agreed that the doctor's assessment of Lee's condition greatly erred on the side of caution; since they were ridiculously under prepared to provide adequate medical care for a human.

Rainbow Dash was far too tired to fly back to her home, and gratefully took Twilight up on the offer to stay the night and help look after Lee. At first, she considered the possibility that everything that had happened up until that point was just a dream, but as the minutes passed, the reality of the situation came collapsing down on her with the weight of a thousand worlds. She may have quietly wanted to meet Lee face to face, and while this wasn't the most ideal of circumstances, her wish nevertheless came to pass. He was here, and now that he was, she was more unsure of herself than she had ever been in her whole life.

You have to get it together! she scolded herself. There is nothing you can do by continuing to worry. If he didn't want to be here, he would have made straight for the gazing pool portal the second they let him out of the hospital; he wouldn't have followed you back to Twilight's house.

It was a few minutes past two in the morning that Rainbow Dash felt her left leg growing cold. Roused from her sleep, she felt an urge to go to the bathroom, and gently slid from her side of the bed, creeping to the stairs.

Doing her best to keep from making noise, Rainbow inched down the stairs to the bottom floor, and slowly moved to the bathroom; closing the door inch by inch until the latch clicked.

Having spent so much of the past few years surrounded by female friends, it was no concern for her to do her business in the bathroom and worry about who would hear her in there. But now, with the presence of a male not six cubits from the bathroom door, every noise and tinkle she made seemed as though it were a cannon going off inside the small room; no doubt being overheard.

Quickly but quietly finishing up, she washed her hooves in the sink, and slowly opened the door; half expecting Lee to be standing up and waiting for her on the other side.

The coast was clear. She could relax; no-pony had heard her pee.

Once out into the den, she looked toward the sofa, barely making out the sleeping form under the blanket. There were soft snoring sounds coming from Lee as he slumbered.

Debating with herself, Rainbow inched closer to the sofa to get a better look, but a mild snort from Lee sent her stepping backward quickly. It wasn't a good idea to meddle with him just yet. Best to wait until he was awake.

As she turned to reascend the stairs, she thought back to the hospital; his soft claws in her mane, and the strange wonderful aroma that seemed to flood her nostrils.

Was that some kind of moment?

She could still feel his fingers as they worked into her long strands of hair. The warmth that seemed to spread over her; and the tingling sensations, as they raced along her body.

By the time she had reached the top landing, she was already breathing hard, and Twilight had woke up, leaning up on her forearms, watching her.

“Is everything all right, Rainbow?”

“Uh, yeah. Everything is fine. I just had to go to the toilet.”

“Oh... well then, good night.”

“You too,” she said, slipping back under the covers and making sure that her lower half was properly covered up.

The first thing that Lee noticed when he woke up was the sharp, dull pain in the front of his head. His eyes felt like they were six sizes too large for his eye sockets, and his tongue felt dry. Rubbing his tongue around on the inside of his mouth seemed to only make the sticky sensation worse.

In addition to feeling as though he had taken a few left hooks from Rocky Balboa straight to the face, his neck felt stiff, and ached when he moved his head to look around.

He could easily determine that it was daylight, considering the heavy amount of sunshine that was beaming in through the various windows of the library. Somewhere off to the left of him he could hear sounds of bustling; little tinkling noises, and metallic scraping sounds. There was also a heavy smell adrift through the air, that reminded him of coffee and toast.

Resting the thick part of his palm against the front of his forehead, Lee felt the throbbing intensify as he applied pressure. At least it was something that could heal in a few days, and didn't require that he be restricted to bed rest. The bandage on his head felt stiff and loose on one side, and he wondered about changing it, or if he could go without it.

Bringing himself into an upright sitting position, Lee allowed himself the opportunity to take in the interior of where he had spent the previous night.

Bringing his hand back up to rub at the edges of his eyes, Lee took a couple of deep breaths and glanced around. There were shelves and shelves of books, scrolls and the occasional small object. If he had to guess, then it was the library that he had heard mentioned. The room itself was round wood, the floor was stained wood, and everything seemed as though it were fashioned by Hobbits, or Amish.

There was more clanking sounds coming from the direction of a closed door, followed closely by giggling. Immediately, Lee was reminded more of the events from the night before. Instantly he remembered that there was more than just the head wound, the trip to the ER, and the crashing-out on someone's couch. This was no weekend party at a friend's house: this was fucking Equestria!

Reaching inside his front pocket, Lee extracted his cell phone, and brought up the display. It was just past eight in the morning. There were no missed calls or messages from his agent. There were no missed calls from anyone. Guess that ruled his cell phone out as being a magical item.

Frowning, Lee pressed the phone icon and went to his list of most recent received calls. Trying the number at the top, he pressed the green button and placed the cell next to his ear. There was the initial beep as though the call would go through, followed instantly by silence.

Scooting closer to the edge of the sofa, Lee looked down at the floor at noticed that his shoes were off and neatly placed next to him. He couldn't remember taking off his shoes, but then, there was a lot he was still a little fuzzy on.

Bringing himself into an upright stance, he was just about begin his search of the residence, when the door to the kitchen opened and Twilight emerged full of smiles and levitating a paper grocery bag next to her.

Locking gazes, Twilight's smile faded, and Lee went rigid. It was silly to think that after their shared ordeal the night before that he would be apprehensive about seeing living, breathing, talking, colorful ponies; but considering that his brain had suffered a slight concussion, and he was still processing the facts, it was to be expected that he would stand perfectly still, staring at her with his mouth slightly agape.

Think of something to say.

Watching as Twilight sat the bag down, Lee could only think of how small she was. He hadn't had much time to think on it, but compared to other ponies that he had seen, she was down-right tiny.

“Oh, good, you're awake.”

“Uh...”

Turning back to the kitchen, Twilight called out, “Rainbow Dash! Lee's awake!”

There were instantaneous sounds of clanking, and scurrying, and a blue explosion seemed to suddenly fill the frame of the doorway.

“Lee, you're awake!?” she yelled, rushing up in front of him. “Are you all right? Are you sure you should be standing? Does your head hurt? Are you hungry?”

“Uh...” he said again, this time letting his eyes switch back and forth from Rainbow to Twilight. “I need‒”

“You need something to eat?” Rainbow Dash said excitedly. “Or, something to drink? A glass of water?”

“I need‒”

“What is it that you need? Tell us?” Rainbow Dash was already lifted off the floor, hovering at eye level with Lee.

“I need to go to the bathroom!”

Without a moment's hesitation, Rainbow Dash landed on the floor, blushing, and pointed back toward the small doorway. “Uh, it's over there,” she said, doing her best to hide her embarrassment. Twilight on the other hand let out a small cough, and used her magic to begin lifting things from the paper sack.

“I took the liberty of getting a few things from town this morning,” she said placing some objects on the small table near her. “I got an extra toothbrush, and a hair brush for your mane. There's plenty of tooth polish, so feel free to help yourself.”

Reaching to pick up the toothbrush, Lee almost let out a chuckle. The damn thing was big enough to choke a horse. Not that he would be so crass as to say it out loud.

The wooden handle of the toothbrush was large enough to hold with almost two hands, and the bristles on the end were wide enough to cover over the outside of his mouth with his lips closed together.

The hair brush wasn't much smaller. It was long... ridiculously long; and like the toothbrush, sported a handle twice the normal size.

Looking at the items and then back at Twilight's grinning muzzle, Lee smiled and nodded. “Thanks,” he said, scooping them up. “I appreciate it.” Clearly ponies had a hard time holding things with hooves, and so they simply modified things to fit their pony grips.

Once at the door of the bathroom, Lee looked back to see that Rainbow Dash and Twilight were still watching him. He eased the door closed, and looked through the crack one last time before closing it all the way.

The bathroom took some adjustment. It was smaller, shorter, and more compact than the bathrooms that he was used to. The toilet was little, almost made for a child, and angled in a weird way; which made taking a piss easy, but for other things, he reasoned that it would take some maneuvering.

The mirror over the sink was down low, forcing him to stand on his knees to see his reflection. He grimaced briefly at his complexion: dark rings under his eyes, bruised forehead, and he looked haggard. A real great first impression as a delegate from another world.

The toothbrush was damn-right comical looking sticking from his mouth as he shoved and pushed, doing his best to scrub at his mouth. The bristles were soft, but the sheer size of the toothbrush was crazy when compared to his own mouth.

Despite himself, Lee had to wonder how big a pony's mouth actually was. He once knew a kid in junior high that could cram their whole fist in their mouth. Two chuckles escaped his throat as he reflected on the funny memories.

When he finally finished, he exited the bathroom to find Rainbow Dash sitting on the couch examining one of his shoes. She was so caught up in her examination that she didn't notice when he came out. Her head was tilted slightly to the side, and she was trying to poke her hoof into the open top.

“It works better if you untie it first,” Lee said, as he approached.

“Lee!” she said, putting the shoes down, and smiling at him. “I... uh, brought you a cup of coffee.” She motioned at the nearby table to a cup of steaming liquid, to which Lee instantly made a beeline.

“Oh, thank God! You're a lifesaver,” he told her as he snatched up the cup and brought it to his lips, completely ignoring the fact or possibility that his version of coffee and Equestria's version of coffee might be two separate things. He was committed however and took a small sip, wrinkling his nose. It was dark and rich, and the taste was beyond amazing.

Patting the seat cushion next to her, Rainbow Dash said, “I wasn't sure how you said you liked it, so I made it how I like it. I hope it's okay.”

“It's delicious,” Lee said, obeying and taking a seat next to her.

“Great! I want to change your bandage before we eat.”

Bringing his free hand up to his forehead, Lee rubbed gently. “I told you before that you didn't have to beat yourself up over this.”

“I know that,” she shot back. “I just want to do my part. Consider this my penance.”

Taking another quick sip, Lee cradled the cup in his hands as Rainbow set in to removing the bandage. He watched her closely, observing how she moved; how her hooves worked; the look she made when she pulled back the wrapping, revealing his forehead. There was something about her that set him at ease. Something calming and relaxing; like a dreamy-eyed child being read a bedtime fairy tale.

“So, what are we having for breakfast?”

“Scrambled eggs, toast and some sort of sweet roll.”

Placing her hooves on the side of his head, she gently moved his face down, then with delicate precision she applied a small dab of ointment. Despite her nostrils being filled with the medicinal smell of the antibacterial cream, Rainbow couldn't help but get several large sniffs of Lee. The same smell she encountered at the hospital.

“Don't you have work today?” Lee asked.

“Nope,” she said, while placing a fresh bandage against his head. “Does this hurt?”

“Not anymore,” he said. “Aren't you going to get in trouble if you just take off?”

“I have about two years worth of vacation and PTO hours; I can pretty much do whatever the hell I want.” Placing the last of the adhesive to his forehead, she leaned back to examine her work, and nodded. “Of course, there's no telling what sort of volcanic eruption will happen if I'm not there to handle it though.”

Rainbow's wings were folded next to her sides, though the rigid feathers made small rustling noises near the ends as she moved and worked. Lee was tempted to run his hand over one of the feathers. A pegasus that works in a weather factory... seemed strangely fitting, somehow.

Letting out a chuckle, Rainbow Dash looked at him quizzically. “Care to share the joke?”

“A pony that makes weather,” he said.

For a brief second, she stopped and looked him in the eyes. It was the first time she had gotten a chance to be this close to him, to get the opportunity to take in all of his features.

Quietly returning the gaze, Lee was just about to speak when he saw movement from the corner of his eye, and turned just slightly to see Spike walking into the living room.

Instantly, Lee's body went rigid, and his shoulders stiffened. “What the hell?”

“Gross! They make cheap hotels for that sort of thing, you know?”

Furrowing her brow, Rainbow Dash turned her head to follow Spike, and retorted, “Every time you talk, all I hear is, 'Blah, blah, blah, I'm an asshole!'”

Paying her no mind, Spike continued walking until he was through the door to the basement.

Still staring, Lee brought his eyes back to Rainbow Dash and offered her an inquisitive expression.

“That was Spike,” she said. “He's Twilight's ward, or live-in assistant.”

“What is he?”

“He's an asshole.”

“Seriously.”

“He's a dragon, he's going through some sort of post-pubescent, bastard phase; so if he gives you attitude, just ignore him, or hit him with something.”

“Why is he so small?”

“Twilight stunted him by accident,” Dash said, shrugging. “Apparently, she didn't know that dragons were supposed to be raised outdoors, because they physically grow to adapt to their environment. Huh... maybe that explains why he's such a dick most of the time.”

“Gee, you think?”

Putting away the extra bandages and ointment, Rainbow turned and gently punched Lee on the shoulder. “Come on jerk-face, let's go get something to eat.”

Sitting at the small table in the kitchen, Lee looked between Rainbow Dash and Twilight. They each were sitting at a place setting, each had a cup of coffee, and Twilight had next to her a book with some pages of loose paper next to it. Obviously using magic, she was levitating and manipulating a pencil to write between bites. The whole scene seemed almost entirely too surreal. It reminded Lee of those pictures of dogs playing poker at a table.

Suddenly as if the thought had just occurred to her, Twilight looked up from her scribbling, and addressed Lee. “I hope you don't mind, but I took some initial data from you before you woke up this morning.”

“Data?”

Rolling her eyes, Rainbow Dash chimed in, saying, “That means she probably molested you while you slept.”

“It does not!” she countered, halfway rising from her seat. “I just took a few samples, got your measurements, and estimated your weight. You are after all, the first h'yoomen to arrive in Equestria in centuries.”

“So I've been told... wait, what kind of samples?”

Looking between them, Twilight shifted her gaze from Lee to Rainbow Dash, and then back at Lee. “I got a few of your hairs while you slept.”

“You pulled out his mane?” Rainbow said, slouching back in her chair in a defeated posture. “That's going a bit far, even for you, Twilight.”

“Honest, I didn't! They were there on the pillow, so I picked them up.”

“See, how it works in the real world, is that if you want to know something about some-pony; you ask them questions, and they answer you back.”

“Oh, I haven't gotten to that stage yet,” she said, “I have tons of questions. Like how you can balance yourself on your hooves; how you make your clothes, why you smell so good.”

At the last part, Rainbow Dash, caught in the middle of taking a huge sip from her coffee mug, spit and coughed, then jerked her head back to Lee.

For several long heartbeats, the three of them exchanged looks with one another; Lee looked between Twilight and Rainbow, and then calmly brought his napkin up to his mouth and dabbed at the corners.

“I have a smell?”

“You don't know?” Twilight said.

“Never noticed one before.”

“Maybe we should discuss something else,” Rainbow said, giving Twilight a stern frown, and shaking her head. “I'm sure that, Lee isn't interested in discussing h'yoomens first thing in the morning.”

Catching Dash's frown, and understanding what she meant, Twilight brought her hoof up to her mouth and coughed once. “Right. Well, in that case, I should probably tell you that Princess Celestia will be arriving later to meet with you.”

Lee had his over-sized fork almost all the way to his mouth with the scrambled eggs, and nearly dropped it back to his plate. “Wha... the Princess is coming here?”

“She sure is,” Twilight beamed, then instantly her muzzle fell into a worried expression. “However, I do have to warn you, Lee; she might not be very friendly toward you.”

“This has something to do with that encounter with Sir Percival, doesn't it?”

Frowning, Twilight looked at him inquisitively. “How did you know that?”

“Rainbow Dash mentioned to me on the phone that one of the knights of the round table ended up here in, uh... Equestria.”

“What Rainbow Dash didn't know was that the knight engaged Princess Celestia in combat, and the two of them nearly died.” Carefully watching Lee, Twilight added, “So, I'm not sure exactly how the Princess will react to meeting you for the first time.”

“Well, you can assure Princess Celestia that I am not a knight, nor do I intend on engaging in some sort of mortal combat.”

Making a loud Mmmm noise, Rainbow Dash quickly swallowed her drink of coffee, and motioned at Lee. “That's right, Lee is a writer. He writes crime novels.”

“Is that so?” Twilight said, nodding her head up and down. “Then I guess you should feel right at home here in the library.”

“It is rather cozy,” he admitted. “I have a library in my home, but it's just a small one for research purposes, and what-not.”

“How many books have you written?”

“Enough to earn a respectable living,” he said, not wanting to sound as though he were braggish. “The last one was well received by the critics, and even landed on the best seller's list for a few weeks.”

“Rainbow Dash likes the Daring Do series,” Twilight said, scooping up the last of her eggs and pushing the bite into her mouth.

“Yeah, she mentioned that.”

“I told him that already,” she said. “You should totally check out the Daring Do books, now that you're here.”

Then as if a small dark cloud began to loom over the setting at the table, Rainbow Dash's expression changed to one of worry. Quickly catching on to the sudden shift in mood, Lee cut careful glances at the two ponies.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

“It's just... you're probably in a hurry to get back to your own world,” Rainbow said. “If you even can.”

Chuckling to himself, Lee said, “Don't fret it, Pony-Girl, I'm sure that whatever magic or mayhem brought me here, will be able to send me back when the time is right.”

"You aren't the least bit worried?" Rainbow Dash said, watching him closely.

"Only when I have to be."

Dawn came later than anticipated for Mystic Fire. The first thing she noticed when she opened her eyes, was the unmistakable sound of some-pony opening a door, and hoof-falls approaching.

Taking a moment to gather her thoughts, she quickly looked around the room, catching sight of the huge popcorn house, and the debris that littered the floor in all directions.

When Mystic Fire turned to see the pony that entered the room, she was surprised to find that it wasn't her host the night before; it was a grey pony wearing a bluish frock. She was holding a small stone in her hoof, and she looked pissed.