A Bowl of Berry Punch

by Lighthawk

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Berry Punch, Other, Comedy, Sex
Length: 6367

My name is Berry Punch, and I live in Ponyville. And yes, that ought to impress you. If it doesn’t, you clearly have not been keeping up with current events very well.

My name is Berry Punch, and I live in Ponyville. And yes, that ought to impress you. If it doesn’t, you clearly have not been keeping up with current events very well. When I first moved to Ponyville it was a quiet, unimportant, out of the way town that nopony really knew about. It had nothing special going for it except for being kind of close to Canterlot, and even then all that really did was sort of hide it in plain sight beneath the shadow of the capitol.

Things have changed for this town though, in a lot of ways. I’ve changed too, and like the town, I don’t think anypony saw it happening the way it did. I sure didn’t.

Published 2014-01-25 22:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-07 22:04:17 UTC

Stone Cold Sober

My name is Berry Punch, and I live in Ponyville. And yes, that ought to impress you. If it doesn’t, you clearly have not been keeping up with current events very well. When I first moved to Ponyville it was a quiet, unimportant, out of the way town that nopony really knew about. It had nothing special going for it except for being kind of close to Canterlot, and even then all that really did was sort of hide it in plain sight beneath the shadow of the capitol.

Things have changed for this town though, in a lot of ways. I’ve changed too, and like the town, I don’t think anypony saw it happening the way it did. I sure didn’t.

My first impression of Ponyville as I stepped off the train was one of slightly alarmed confusion. This was the direct result of immediately coming nose to nose with a hyperactive pink blur of joy and questionable sanity.

“Hi! Hello! How are you? Are you good? I hope you’re good, cause I’m sure good and I’d hate to be good if you’re not because that’d just be so unfair, especially since you’re new in town and that’s just so exciting I could burst!”

The enthusiasm with which she made her statement actually filled me with a brief flash of concern that she might literally come apart before my eyes. It also knocked me back over my suitcase and onto my flank, leaving me helpless before the oncoming avalanche of cheer.

“So since you’re new in town that means you’re going to need a Welcome to Ponyville Party so you can meet everypony and start making new friends cause moving to a new place can be scary and lonely and hard and worrisome and intimidating and there’s nothing better for all that than a bunch of friends to help out and I’m Pinkie Pie who are you?”

“…uh…Berry Punch…” I answered hesitantly, holding out a hoof in greeting. This was apparently Pinkie speak for I need a hug!, because half a second later that’s where I found myself.

“Ooo! Ooo!” Pinkie exclaimed after a subjective eternity, letting me go and allowing my lungs to once again resume their function of providing me with sweet, sweet air. “Here, I almost forgot!”

Next thing I knew I had a bright pink envelop in my hooves, the front of which was decorated with a squiggly, cartoonish writing of my name in a sparkly purple ink. I stared at it for a moment, then up at Pinkie. She beamed at me like an otter with an umbrella at a paper mill, and no, I have no idea why that was the simile that sprang into my head at that moment, it just kind of did. I think Pinkie Pie kind of warps reality when she gets too excited.

In something of a state of numb shock, I opened the envelop. There was a tiny horn blast, along with a spray of confetti, and another pink envelop fell out, along with a card. The card read, in more loopy, almost obscenely bubbly writing, thus:

You are hereby invited to be the guest of honor at the Welcome Berry Punch to Ponyville Party! To be held tonight!! At Sugar Cube Corner!!! Please RSVP ASAP!!!!!!!

Will you be able to attend? Please check one.
[ ] Yes! (Please please please please please please please please! I’ll be your friend forever! I’ll even throw you a party for coming to this party! Oh wow, a Party Invitation Acceptance Party! I mean can you even imagine!)

[ ] No :( (Psst, don’t pick this one, this is the bad one! You’ll regret it! I’ll regret! Everypony will regret it, especially the foals! Oh won’t you please think of the poor foals!)

Now obviously I could have just given her a verbal answer, but somehow that didn’t seem right. I think it was that smile of hers. Something about it just hovered too close to the boarders of sanity, and it was dragging me down into the abyss of lunacy just by proximity. So I dug out a pen from my luggage, and eyed my choices.

Well, why not?

…

Actually, why not? I mean the only parties I’d ever had thrown just for me where birthday parties, and after you get through your teens those can start to feel like something ponies do just because they’re obligated to. This Pinkie Pie was a bit of an odd filly, but she seemed a mostly harmless type of odd, excitably eccentric. It could be fun, and it would probably be a good way to get to know some ponies in town. What’s the worst that could happen, right?

…

Right?

Fate thus tempted, I proceeded to place a check mark in the yes box. I almost just hoofed the card over to her, but stopped. There was that second envelop, which upon inspection was already addressed and stamped.

To Pinkie Pie
Ponyville Train Station
Main Platform

Fine, let’s play this out then. I put the card in the envelop, sealed it up, and looked around. Sure enough, there was a mailbox sitting on the edge of the platform. So I trotted on over, dropped the letter in, and then turned back to see what Pinkie’s next move might be.

The pink party pony was bouncing in a sort of foalish excitement at this point, and I followed her gaze over to a pair of pegasi chatting happily with each other. One was a lavender colored mare with a golden mane and a sultry expression, the other a cloud grey mare with a sunny yellow mane and sweet Celestia what happened to her eyes? The walleyed mare was also wearing a set of saddlebags with what looked to be the Equestrian Postal Service emblem stenciled on them.

I glanced back at Pinkie Pie as the mare gave a little, throat clearing cough. She was still staring at the pair with an expression of eager anticipation. After a moment though the cheerfulness faded, just a little, and she gave a louder cough. The pair of pegasi were clearly too wrapped up in their own conversation to notice however, and for the first time since she ambushed me, I saw Pinkie produce an expression that wasn’t some variation of a smile. Actually, there was something kind of scary about seeing her look anything but happy as her features went flat. She gave another cough that honestly sounded like she was about to spit an internal organ right out on the platform.

That finally got the attention she was looking for, and the derp-eyed mail mare gave a startled little jump. She hastily excused herself from her conversation and trotted on over to the mailbox, giving Pinkie a little, sheepish grin as she did so. The party pony, for her part, was right back to bouncing up and down in mirthful enjoyment as she watched the delivery pegasus unlock the mailbox and start pulling out letters.

The normal, plain white letters went into her saddle bags. The bright pink letter however was tucked under one wing until the mail mare finished unloading and then locking back up the mailbox. She then trotted over to Pinkie Pie and held out the invitation reply.

“Thanks Derpy!” Pinkie exclaimed happily.

…

Derpy? Really?

Anyway, Pinkie ripped open her letter, looked at my response, and gave a delighted shriek. She also jumped higher than any non-pegasi I’d ever seen, and for a moment I was worried about what would happen when she finally came back down. She bounced upon landing though.

“Woo! Party! Party! Party tonight!” Pinkie sing-songed happily, shaking from side to side in a sort of dance-jig-thing. She then reached into her mane and, may Luna haunt my nightmares if I’m lying, pulled out a muffin. Which she hoofed on over to the mail mare. “Thanks Derpy!”

“Ywoo Wefoom!” Derpy replied through a mouthful of muffin. Seriously, she practically inhaled the thing the second she got ahold of it. A second later she swallowed it down and added, “Well, I better get back to work.”

“Okie Dokie Lokie,” Pinkie chirped. “You’re coming tonight though, right?”

“Of course, wouldn’t dream of missing it,” Derpy answered brightly as she took off, hovering on over to the other pegasus to say goodbye before flying away. When I looked back, Pinkie Pie was gone. I mean just gone, there wasn’t a sign of her anywhere. If not for the confetti still laying at my hooves, I’d have started to question if she’d just been some mad figment of my imagination.

I scuffed at the confetti just to reassure myself that yes, it was real.

A small chuckle brought my eyes back up to find the lavender pegasus walking my way, a small little grin on her face and something...well kind of hungry I’d say, in her gaze.

“You holding up alright?” she asked.

“Well so long as I wasn’t just hallucinating…”

“Ha! Yeah, Pinkie can have that effect on ponies,” she said casually. “You handled your first Pinkie encounter better than some I’ve seen. Don’t worry, you get used to her.”

“I hope so,” I replied, picking up my suitcase and swinging onto my back. “I think the alternative might involve nice big stallions in clean white coats and a room with rubber walls.”

That got another brief laugh from the mare. She offered me a hoof. “I’m Cloud Kicker.”

“Berry Punch.” We shook, and she held on a just bit longer than seemed strictly necessary.

“So, what brings you to Ponyville?” Cloud Kicker asked when she finally let me go. She took a little shuffle step as she put her hoof down, bringing herself in rather close to me, that hungry look still in her eyes.

“I’m uh, ahem, uh just getting out on my own you know?” I answered, taking a little nervous step back.

“Oh?” she responded, the little grin on her face growing. “Leaving home for the first time then?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“And look at you, moving to a whole new town to do so.” Her wings flapped, and she hovered a little circle around me. “You got family here?”

“No. At least, not that I know of…” I said, craning my neck around to follow her. I lost her for a second when she passed behind me, but I swear when I swung my head around to pick her back up, her eyes were snapping up from looking at my flank.

“You got some guts then,” Cloud Kicker said in an approving tone as she landed right next to me. “Hard thing to move out as it is.”

My only answer was a slight “meep!” as she slipped a wing over my back and pulled me into a rather close hug.

“Well you’re a Ponyvillian now…or is that Ponyvillite? Eh,” she gave a little shrug that rubbed our shoulders together. “Either way, you’re one of us now, and I for one like to think that we’re a close, friendly town.”

Oh boy, was there ever some special emphasis and extra meaning in her tone. Her sultry, eager, appealing, enticing…

I gave a little shudder as she slipped free of the embrace, her feathers tracing little lines of sensation across my back and side.

“So if you ever need help with anything, or you know, if you’re just feeling kind of lonely and might like some company…” Cloud Kicker went on as she walked out in front of me. Her tail gave a little flick, seemingly for no other reason than to draw my attention to the fact that she had a rather shapely flank. In which case it worked, sweet Celestia, it worked.

I looked back up to find her staring at me staring at her, and her eyes sparkled with a mischievous light, her lips curled in a self-satisfied grin.

I, for my part, attempted to die from blushing. Cloud Kicker seemed perfectly satisfied with this reaction from me, because she gave a pleased little laugh.

“Well anyway,” she said as she jumped into the air. “I’m sure I’ll see you tonight at your party.”

“Y-yes, that sounds n-nice,” I managed to squeak out.

“Great, until later then,” Her voice dropped an octave or two. “Berry”

She flew off, leaving me alone on the platform as two entirely different parts of my body warred for right over the majority of my blood supply. My suitcase slipped off my back, landing with a dull thud. My flank made a similar sound as it hit the floor a moment later when I decided I really needed to sit down a moment.

And I thought Ponyville would be a nice, dull place to live.

Barely Feeling It

Barely Feeling It

Once I finally got myself sorted and left the train station, I was relived to find that Ponyville seemed to be living up to my expectations for a small, out of the way town. It was quiet, peaceful, and most ponies I passed on the street seemed friendly enough. Thankful not quite as friendly as Cloud Kicker or Pinkie Pie had been.

Don’t misunderstand me, it’s not that I strictly had anything against either pony, but they’d both rather been more than I’d been ready to handle. I mean it’s nice getting thrown a party and then hit on by an attractive mare, but having both happen back to back, and with the kind of intensity both ponies possessed, well…well it was just more than I was used to I guess, and had left my emotions a bit worked up.

My first stop was the town hall in order to pick up the key for my house. I’d arranged everything through a reliable mortgage broker, but I’ll admit I was still nervous. I mean there were just so many ways something like that could go wrong, either with the paper work getting screwed up in some fashion, or the house itself not being what was promised. If I’d had more time to handle things I’d never have bought property without checking it out first, but I’d been in something of a hurry at the time, and the mail only travels so fast.

Good news was, nothing went wrong getting the paper work sorted. I either hit the town hall at a good time, or things really are just slow around Ponyville, because there wasn’t anypony else there besides a lone unicorn manning a desk. It only took a whole two hours to read through all the forms and sign everything. Boring, but that’s to be expected I guess. Smooth as it all went, I was still ready to pull my mane out by the end of it though. I mean seriously, who writes these documents, and why do they have to be so mind-numbingly wordy?

Bad news was then, that if anything was going to wrong, it was going to be with the house itself. Okay, so maybe I was feeling a little cynical about the whole thing. But you know what, I think I was entitled to a little doom and gloom thinking, all things considered. If my life had been going so well, I wouldn’t have had to leave home so quickly after all, right? Of course I’m right.

My first look at my new home however suggested I might have been worrying over nothing. Okay sure, it was nowhere near as big or nice as I was used to. Actually, it was rather on the smallish side, even with the second story. And it was thatched roofed instead of slate. And kind of plain and unadorned. And didn’t even have its own lawn, or even a yard to speak of. Might have been leaning a little too, but that could have just been a slight incline to the street screwing with me.

But you know what, it was still all mine! And that meant it was perfect! And maybe if I kept telling myself that, I’d believe it. Okay probably not, but moving out on my own had been all my idea, and I wasn’t about to back out now just because the reality of it was starting to really sink in and oh sweet Celestia what in Tartarus did I think I was doing! Okay Berry, deep breaths, in and out, in and out…

I fumbled with my key a bit, doing my best not to lose my tenuous grip on it or my rapidly eroding self-control as the panic attack started making a serious go at me. Yes it had been my idea, but I hadn’t done it just because I wanted to. Okay, key in door, turn key, get inside and then you can lose it where nopony can see…

I stumbled inside, shoving the door closed by pretty much falling back against it in desperate need for some support.

“This was such a stupid idea,” I muttered to myself as I tried to will my body to stop shaking. I wasn’t having much luck with that. “What in Equestria made me think I could go off and live on my own? What do I know about taking care of myself, I mean really? Oh Celestia, but what choice do I have? I can’t go back now, can’t go back to him…”

I curled up in a ball as I sank down on the floor and tried not to sob. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming, but I refused to start all out bawling. I was a grown mare dammit, and I wasn’t going to let a little something like being completely over my head in every possible way turn me into a little filly crying for her mommy. Though I’d be a Nightmare curse liar if I tried to pretend I didn’t wish my mother had come with me. I kind of understood why she had stayed, but all the same it felt like she had picked him over me, and that just hurt so much.

Some vague amount of time passed before I started feeling more annoyed at myself than I was scared of what I’d gotten myself into, and that budding anger at my own pathetic state was enough to start pulling myself back together. I had too much to do to wallow in my own…whatever it is ponies in my situation wallow in. First things first, I needed to check out my new home.

Luckily I hadn’t been counting on that to cheer me up, because I think I might have become clinically depressed otherwise. I mean yes, the house was perfectly functional, and had plenty of living space for a single pony, but…well, it’s possible I was just a wee bit spoiled. Okay a fair bit spoiled. Fine! Completely and utterly spoiled, I couldn’t help it! The freaking ground’s keeper’s cottage back at my family’s estate was bigger than this stupid little hovel. Nicer too.

The front door of my new home opened directly into a room whose actual function would probably be determined by whatever furniture I chose to put there. At the moment though it was just an empty box of a space with stairs on one side, a half door to a tiny storage space under said stairs, and a short hall leading to the rear of the house at the back wall. There was a small bathroom wedged into the hall, little more than a glorified closet with enough space for a sink and a toilet. At least the water worked when I tested it.

In the back was the kitchen, recognizable as such only by the presence of a sink set in a counter and a pair of sliding doors opening onto a pantry. There wasn’t anything else of note besides the door leading out back; no ice box, no oven, no tables or chairs or cabinets. My personal banking account was starting to look a lot smaller than it had when I first put this crazy idea together. I probably could still access the family accounts if I tried, but that would just throw up a big Here I am! sign.

No, that wouldn’t be worth the trouble, not for some furniture and amenities. All it meant was I was going to have to figure out a source of income a lot sooner than I had originally planned, or I’d have to learn to live without for a while. I’m not sure which idea scared me more.

The upstairs was mostly given over to a single, loft roofed room that was the biggest open space in the house. There was a second bathroom up there, this one big enough to include a shower wedged into one corner. Nothing close to luxurious, just plain and functional. Just like the rest of the house. I was going to have to get used to that.

House inspected, check. It was at least in serviceable condition, which was what about what I paid for. I think anyway, truth was, I didn’t really have that good of an idea of just what the value of a bit was. Money had never been something I worried about or paid much attention to before, not on this small a scale. At least I recognized that fact though, and knew how easily it could bleed my savings dry if I was stupid about it.

Now that I had a place, I just needed some stuff to go in it. A bed would certainly be nice, as the hardwood floors didn’t look particularly comfortable. An ice box and an oven also seemed like requirements, not that I had much knowledge of how to use the latter, but I figured I could muddle my way through. How hard can cooking really be right? Set a temperature, put food in for a set amount of time, pretty simple right?

Right?

Okay, best not to dwell too much on that right now probably. I’d figure it out somehow, I wasn’t going to starve. So that seemed a good starting list; bed, ice box, oven…oh yeah, food, probably want some of that stuff too. I’d worry about furnishing the rest of the house after I got those basics taken care of. Not forgetting anything important, I don’t think so anyway. Ugh, somepony really ought to write a book about moving out.

I left my suitcase in what was going to become my upstairs bedroom. It was not only the biggest space in the house, it was also kind of the only room that seemed like it could qualify for that particular use. I didn’t really fancy the idea of ponies being able to look in on where I slept every time I opened the front door, and that was the only other room without a predetermined use. So sleeping upstairs it was, by default.

I checked myself in the bathroom mirror before I left, and found I wasn’t holding up too badly. My eyes were just a little red and puffy from crying, but I think it wasn’t really all that noticeable. Not unless you were looking for it, which I was, so of course I noticed, but nopony else really should. I didn’t think so anyway. I splashed some cold water on my face anyway, just in case. Not that it did anything really, but it made me feel a little better. Briefly.

“Ah screw it,” I told myself. “Stop stalling Berry. I know this is hard, but get it together girl! You’re going shopping! Shopping is fun! Go have some fun dammit!” I took a couple of deep, forced breaths. “Okay, good pep talk self. Why thank you self, I thought so too. So we’re good right? Of course we are, except that we are now talking to our self. Well that’s no good is it? No, I think that’s a sign that we’ve gone a bit crazy. Oh dear, we should probably stop that then, wouldn’t you say? Yes I do think so, would you care to stop first? Oh no, by all means, you first. Thank you kindly ma’am. Think nothing of it ma’am.”

I leaned forward and rested my head against the cool, smooth glass of the mirror and closed my eyes. Something escaped my lips that might have been a giggle, or might have been a sob. Or something in between the two. I really did not need this right now, I needed to focus, I needed to get my head on straight, I needed to get over my whole I can’t believe I’m really doing this sense of disbelief.

Figuring that giving myself more time to think could only slow me down, I stormed out of the bathroom and out the front door, barely remembering to lock it on my way out. If I just stayed focused on the task at hoof and ignored everything else, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Alright, first task on my shopping list, a bed. I was going to buy something nice, something comfortable, because I was really going to be needing my sleep these coming days.

It was that kind of thinking that probably lead to me splurging as much as I did. I mean yeah, I didn’t technically need a princess sized bed. And it really didn’t need to be a four poster. And the mattress didn’t have to have a Cloud Comfort spell worked into the stuffing. Or a Sound Proofing spell worked into the headboard. Or…

Okay, bad Berry, I went way overboard on the bed. But it was such a nice bed! And I deserved at least one really nice thing didn’t I? Yeah, I did, I could rationalize away my overspending for the sake of a good night’s sleep. I promised myself it would just be a one-time thing anyway, I would be much more sensible and frugal from then on out.

So there I was, with my brand new, top of the line bed, all nicely boxed up and ready to take home. Which was when I discovered the snag to not slowing down to think. I had a bed in a box that was bigger than me, I was all alone, and I didn’t have a cart or wagon or anything to help me move it. Whoops.

I put a hoof against one side of the box and pushed. Nothing. I pushed harder, and still, nothing. I put my hoof down, set my shoulder against the stubborn crate, and heaved. I might as well have been trying to shove around my house. After a bit of straining, struggling, and swearing, I managed to accomplish absolutely nothing aside from making myself look like a total idiot.

Oh yeah, this day was just going swell.

A Mild Buzz

I was somewhere in the middle of my third, maybe fourth, attempt to heave my new bed into motion when somepony tapped me on the shoulder and asked brightly, “Ya’ll need some help with that sugarcube?”

I responded by squeaking in surprise and having my hooves slip out from under me, promptly dropping myself face first into the dirt. While I was down there, I took a moment to reflect on the state of my pride, and found it to be barely clinging to life. This was clearly not going to be a good day for me.

“Whoa, sorry ‘bout that partner!” Strong hooves took hold of me and hauled me upright by main strength, giving me little choice but to get up or be gotten up. “Didn’t mean to startle ya’ll like that.”

I blinked at the mare standing before me, taking in her bright orange color and wide brimmed hat. She had a friendly, open smile on her face as she reached out to brush some dust off me.

“Th-that’s alright,” I said once I’d collected myself a bit. “I might have been a little overly focused.”

“So I saw,” the cowpony stated with a grin. She thrust out a hoof at me. “Name’s Applejack.”

“Berry Punch,” I countered, shaking hooves with her, and nearly getting mine torn right off from the enthusiasm of her greeting. The mare was strong, freakishly strong.

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance,” Applejack said brightly. “New in town?”

“Yeah, just moved in today actually.”

“Thought so,” Applejack replied with a little self-satisfied nod. “Didn’t reckon I’d seen ya'll ‘round here before.” She suddenly went a little wide eyed, and glanced around nervously. “Uh, ya'll ain’t by chance run into a mare by the name of Pinkie Pie yet, have ya'll?”

I blinked at that, and nodded slightly. “She was waiting for me at the train station.”

“Ah,” Applejack said simply, relaxing again. “Hope she didn’t give ya’ll the wrong impression or nothing. Girl’s sweet as sugar, but just a little bit on the weird side. She means well though.”

“It was no big deal,” I replied loftily. Or at least, that was what I was going for, not sure if I actually pulled it off. “Besides, she’s throwing me a party.”

“Heh, yeah that’s kind of her thing ‘round here,” Applejack chuckled. “And shoot, she does throw the finest shindig I ever been too, that’s Celestia’s honest truth.”

“Right, good to know,” I said simply. I was getting a little thrown off by the cowgirl’s accent and dialect. I mean yeah, it actually kind of cute and everything, but it just felt so out of place I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I sure hadn’t heard anypony else speaking like her around town. Made me wonder how long it’d been since she moved in.

“So anyway,” Applejack pressed on, waving a hoof towards my new bed. “If’n ya’ll like, I could give ya’ll a hoof with that.”

At first I was, almost, tempted to tell her no out of general principle. But my pride had already been flogged and dragged through the muddy streets and was getting ready for a new round of abuse, so I figured I didn’t actually have anything to lose by admitting I needed help. Wasn’t exactly the best thing for my confidence though; couldn’t even manage a full day on my own without needing somepony’s assistance.

But I stomped down on that feeling as best I could and tried to smile. “Yes please.” I had to work a little harder to get the words out, but they came…slowly. “I uh…guess I wasn’t really thinking…you know, when I bought the thing.”

“Ah shoot, ain’t no biggie,” Applejack laughed good naturedly. “It happens.” She turned and waved a hoof in the air. “Hey, Big Mac! Com’er!”

I turned, and promptly dropped my jaw into the dirt. Sauntering up the street was the biggest, buffest, most ruggedly hunky stallion I’d ever laid eyes on. I don’t even usually go for the guys, mares are just…well they’re just more appealing, aesthetically. All nice curves and soft textures and sweet scents. Every once in a while though, I would feel the itch for something a bit…rougher, stronger, and uh, oh how to put this delicately…uh, more filling? Oh that’s terrible, definitely need to fix that.

Anyway, Big Mac…oh sweet Celestia, does that name just bring all sorts of improper thoughts to mind…ahem, uh so yeah, the big red stallion came walking over with a relaxed, calm air about him, green eyes flicking from Applejack to me. I slammed my mouth shut and tried to look casual.

“Mac, this here is Berry Punch, she’s new in town,” Applejack introduced us. “Berry, this is Big Macintosh.”

“Hi there,” I said, in perhaps the lamest way possible. I would have facehoofed if he hadn’t been staring at me. “It’s nice to meet you.” Smooth Berry, real smooth.

Big Mac just nodded politely.

“Think ya’ll could give her a hoof with this?” Applejack asked the stallion, tapping the box next to her.

“Eeyup,” Big Mac replied. Stallion of few words, apparently. But hey, I could live with that. Less talking, more…okay, down Berry, get it together girl.

While I wrestled my libido into submission, Big Mac trotted on up to my boxed bed. He gave it a brief look over, then put a hoof up against it and pushed. The whole thing just tipped right up for him, and while I tried to keep my mouth out of the dirt again, he casually dipped his head under the box and levered it right up onto his broad shoulders like he was picking up…I don’t even know what, but something light and easy to carry and completely opposite the massive weight of that stupid bed.

“Oh, wow…” I swooned.

“So, where ya’ll live?” Applejack asked, breaking me out of the moment. I gave a guilty start, and snapped my gaze over to her.

“Uh, oh uh, just uh, that is uh,” I stammered like an idiot for a moment before my brain found some traction again. “Not far, just a few streets over actually.” I glanced over at Big Mac, who was waiting patiently under his…well actually, calling it a burden would suggest he was struggling with the weight. Truth was, he was just standing there as if he could barely feel it. Still, I felt the need to ask. “Will you be able to manage that?”

“Eeyup,” Big Mac replied calmly.

“Well...okay then,” I said, and started to lead the way. Sure to his word, Mac paced along beside me, easy as you please. Applejack took up position on my other side, though she didn’t stick around with us long.

“I guess I best be getting back to the stand,” she said after only a minute or two. “Don’t wanna miss the lunch rush.”

“Eenope,” Big Mac agreed, proving his vocabulary was not limited to a single word.

“Stand?” I asked curiously.

“Apple stand,” Applejack clarified. “Me and Mac here own and operate Sweet Apple Acres, just outside town. We got a stand set up in the market to sell our produce.”

“Ah, gotcha,” I replied, trying not to sound too disappointed. Of course a stallion like Big Mac would be taken, especially in a town this size. And it had to be pretty serious between the two of them if they had gone in together on a business like that. Still…it could be worth the potential embarrassment to see how Applejack felt about bringing a third in on occasion. She was a bit more muscular than I liked my mares, but she wasn’t hard on the eyes by any means.

Luckily she took off before I could work up the nerve to say something that, in retrospect, would have been really, really stupid. Of course that just left me and Mac, and did that get awkward fast. Between him not saying anything except for single word affirmatives or negatives, and me babbling like a filly to her first crush, it was the longest two minute walk of my life. The whole thing is just kind of a blur to me now.

So we ended up back at my house, me covered in a nervous sweat and trying to catch my breath, and him still calm and cool as ever. Something about that just struck me as completely backwards. And unfair. Maybe he wouldn’t notice? Yeah, right…anyway. With a bit more unnatural strength and fortitude, Mac got the bed inside, hauled upstairs, and set down in the middle of my bedroom. I really hadn’t been thinking when I bought the stupid thing. I mean I couldn’t move it across flat ground, what would I have done about the stairs?

At that point Mac surprised me, and actually used a bit of grammar. “You want help getting that together?”

…heh, oh Celestia, but if that didn’t sound like the start of just about every other trashy romance novel I’d ever read. Why yes good sir, if you could be so kind as to help this poor mare out with some hard labor and then show off your skilled hooves with some construction work. I’ll just be over here admiring all the effort you’re going through on my behalf. And afterwards, I know just how to reward you...and to double check how sturdily you put that bed together…

I really needed to get this guy out of my house before I did anything stupidly short-sighted. It would not do at all to make an enemy my very first day in town, and making passes at another mare’s stallion was a really good way to accomplish that. Plus, honestly, I’m pretty sure Applejack could kick my flank from here to Manehatten and back again. If I was going to piss anypony off, it sure wasn’t going to be her.

So with my libido screaming and snarling at me, I thanked Big Mac in a very nice, entirely sincere, and sadly platonic fashion. I did offer to take him and Applejack out for lunch or the like as a way of saying thanks, which he generously tried to brush off as unnecessary. I insisted, and won by means of being the more vocal of the two of us.

Once Mac was gone and temptation removed, I found myself at something of a loss as far as what to do next. I thought about trying my hoof at getting the bed together, but that idea didn’t get very far before I realized I had no tools of any kind of work with. So I added a trip to the local hardware store to my mental checklist of things to do. My day just seemed to keep getting busier and busier.

Which reminded me, I had a party to go to tonight at…at…hmm, actually now that I thought back on it, I don’t recall there being a time listed. Well that was just annoying. So I’d need to somehow track down Pinkie Pie and get a time to show up at. Which wouldn’t do me that much good, seeing as I didn’t have a clock! Argh! Clock added to list, which was starting to get long enough that I figured I ought to start writing it down.

Only I had nothing to write with, and nothing to write on.

Celestia-dammit-all.