Pony Effect

by Supahsnail

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 1662

A broken Mass relay sends Commander shepard to a strange land...

A broken Mass relay sends Commander shepard to a strange land, But it may not be a malfunction at all! Cerberus is up to no good in ponyville!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-11 21:04:55 UTC

Detour

After a successful mission to rescue an alliance contractor from a group of misplaced biotic terrorists, The Normandy SR2 was prepareing to 'make the jump' through the Omega Three Relay. The ship was dangerously low on fuel, but the Mass Relays could easily shoot them anywhere in the Milky Way without requiring a drop of fuel. It was, for a ship captain, the perfect machine. The ship's helmsman, Joker sat at his navigation terminal, eager for Commander Shepard to give his order.

"Commander," Joker said as he sat at his termenal. "I'm sure that whatever your doing is important, but that mass relay doesn't take us to the Citadel without an order from you."

Commander John Shepard was standing behind Joker. He had a datapad in his right hand to check his private messages, no doubt. He hit the datapad's power switch and it's orange glow dissapeared. "Joker, take us to the Citadel." He finally said.

"I love the way he waited until after my legs fell asleep." The helmsman mumbled.

  "What was that, Joker?"

  "Nothing. I'm taking us in now. Maybe you should take a seat." Joker grinned and guided the ship gracefully to the side of the Mass Relay. The Normandy was engulfed in an orange glow and shot like a bullet to what should have been the Citadel.

  The Normandy came to a rest. Shepard got up to the observation deck. All of the Navigational equipment was flashing the word ERROR.

  "Okay, not my fault," Joker defended, "We'll just do this the old fashioned way." He pointed to the observation windows.

  Commander Shepard peered out the window. He didn't see the Citadel, instead he saw a planet that looked almost exactly like earth, but it couldn't be earth, earth was in flames. this planet was peaceful, "Okay Joker, this isn't the citadel. Where the hell are we?"

  "Uh... well obviously we're at... um... somewhere," Joker replied stupidly, "Okay, I don't know; that mass relay must have malfunctioned."

  Shepard had no time for 'malfunctions', "This isn't the citadel. Take us out."

  EDI had been sitting at her termenal listening to their conversation, "Commander, I detect no mass relays within reach considering our current fuel status."

  Shepard began to grow frustrated, "EDI, at least tell me you know where we are."

  EDI responded, "I am unable to pinpoint our location."

  Joker commented, "Yep, and thanks to that we can't get help from Alliance Command. I blame this Cerberus tech. I knew they made this thing too fast. If you ask me, which no one will so I'll say it anyway, this Cerberus tech is just a buch of flashy..."

  EDI shot Joker a look that was as close to angry that her programing would allow.

  "... oh... uh... not you EDI. You're an acception," Joker stared  at her, "Oh yeah, you sure are."

  "Jeff, my optical sensors are up here," EDI said.

  Joker snapped out of his gaze, "Huh, oh yeah sure."

  Shepard looked at Equestria and thought, "EDI, do you detect any compatible fuel on that planet."

  EDI obeyed, "Scanning... yes, I have found significant mineral deposits that can be converted to fuel. Our modular probe bay is empty. You will have to secure it on foot and take it to an LZ for pickup."

  Shepard began to put on his N7 armor, "It's never easy is it? EDI, tell Garrus and Liara to meet me at the shuttels. We'll try and make this quick."

scene 3

  Twilight, Rarity and Rainbow Dash were building a house of cards at Twilight's house. They had made it quite tall reaching from the floor half way to the ceiling. Rainbow Dash prepared to put the last card on the top.

  "Oh, do be careful Rainbow Dash!" Rarity interjected.

  Rainbow Dash became annoyed by Rarity's comment, "Gee, thanks Rarity, now I know not to put it on upside down while flying with one wing."

  Rarity, failing to see the sarcasm in Rainbow Dash's statement, replied, "Well... you're welcome."

  "That was not a compliment!"

  As they began to argue, Fluttershy slowly pushed the door open and walked in.

  "Hi Fluttershy!" Twilight greeted.

  Fluttershy timidly attempted to get their attention, "Oh, um... Hi Twiliqht. Listen..."

  Rainbow Dash continued arguing with Rarity, "Well, why don't you put it up here."

  Fluttershy meakly continued, "...Um, I'm sorry but..."

  Ignoring Fluttershy, Rarity responded to Rainbow Dash saying, "Easily, I can move it from down here."

  "...Girls, um..."

  "Rarity, we all agreed, no magic!"

  Fluttershy finally had enough and let out a loud shout, "EVERYPONY LISTEN!" Rainbow Dash and Rarity stoped arguing, and they all look to Fluttershy. "Thank you, now I..."

  Pinkie Pie immediantely burst through the door and crashed into the house of cards. They all fell on the ground in a huge, white pile. "MONSTERS!" she shouted.

  Rainbow Dash pointed at the pile of cards in frustration, "Pinkie!"

  "Sorry."

  Twilight sighed, "It's okay Pinkie Pie. We were done anyway."

  "Can I go back to panicing uncontrolably now?"

  "Sure, go right ahead..."

  "Thank you," Pinkie took in a deep breath, "AAAH! Monsters from the sky are coming to get us!"

  Rarity gasped, "WHAT?"

  Fluttershy flew to Pinkie's side. "Oh, thank goodness you're okay Pinkie Pie!" She said, "I thought they got you!"

  Rarity continued her state of confused panic, "You thought who got her?" Spike walked wn the stairs and sees the pile of cards.

  Spike walked down the stairs. "What's going on?" he asked, looking at the pile of cards.

(Pinkie grabs spike by the cheeks.)

Pinkie: Spike, you have to listen! If you don't hide the monsters are gonna get you!

Spike (scared): R-really?

Twilight: Pinkie, just calm down and tell us what happened!

Pinkie  (hyperventilating): Okay... So, me and Fluttershy were picking flowers in the meadow, minding our own buisness. Then, out of nowhere, this giant flying rock shows up and starts growling at us. It sounded like this, RRRAAAWWWRRR! Then it stopped flying and opened up! When it opened up three giant monsters came out! and the monsters were all like, RRRAAA...

Twilight: Pinkie, calm down!

Rainbow Dash: Flying rock?

Spike (scared): M-monsters?

Twilight: Everypony calm down. Pinkie's probably just overreacting. This kind of reminds me of how you were all scared of Zacora.

Pinkie: No, this is different!

Rarity: How so?

Pinkie: Well, they were big...

Rainbow Dash: So is Big Macintosh.

Pinkie: ...and they walked on their hind hooves...

Twilight: So does Spike, and he can breath fire.

Pinkie: ...Oh, and one of them had big spikes on the back of his head!

(Spike puts one hand on his hip and points to the spikes on the back of his head with his thumb.)

Twilight: Pinkie, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is. I'm going to greet these newcomers. Does anypony want to come with me?

Rarity: I would love to show them how things work around here, if some other ponies come too.

Fluttershy: Um... I can show you where they are.

Rainbow Dash: This is gonna be awesome.

Twilight: Pinkie, Spike, what about you two?

Pinkie: No way

Spike: What, miss a perfectly good chance to sleep so that I can say hi to some monsters? Count me out.

Twilight: Okay then...

(She is interupted by the distant sound of Apple Bloom screaming.)

Rainbow Dash: That sounded like...

Twilight: ...Apple Bloom! Come on lets go!

(Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Rarity dash out the door, toward Sweet Apple Orchards.)

Pinkie: They never listen! Have fun when they get you!

Spike: Get her?! Wait Twilight, come back!

End of part 3

scene 2

  In Ponyville, just outside of town Pinkie and Fluttershy were picking flowers from a meadow and putting them in baskets.

  Pinkie pie was holding a tulip and staring at it for no good reason, "Hey Fluttershy!"

  "Um... yes Pinkie?" Fluttershy replied.

  "Not that this isn't suuuper fun and all, but why are we pickin' flowers?" Pinkie asked.

  "Don't you remember? Zecora needs them too..."

  Fluttershy was interrupted by the sound of the Normandy's shuttle landing in the meadow. The wind from it's engines blew some of the flowers out of their baskets.

  "Mo-monster! Aaaah!" Fluttershy screamed she flew away as fast as she could. Pinky still stared at the shuttle in awe. The shuttle slowly landed on the meadow, blowing away flowers and dirt.

  "Um... nice giant, flying blue rock. You don't need to hurt anypony," Pinky said as she trembled in fear.

  The shuttle's door opened.

  She began to panic, "Aaah! No, no, no! Bad flying blue rock!

  Shepard walked out followed by Garrus and Liara. Shepard had on his N7 armor, minus the helmet. Liara had on her usual white jumpsuit, and Garrus wore his old C-SEC armor. They stoped to gaze at Pinky. For a few awkward seconds they stared at each other in silence.

Shepard placed his hand on his ear to activate his earpice radio to the Normandy. "EDI," he called, "are there any toxic gases on this planet?"

  EDi replied, "No, Have you encountered anything to cause you to believe there are?"

  "EDI, I am looking at a pink pony with a basket of flowers strapped to its back."

  Pinkie slowly turned around, "Okay, I'm just gonna run away now." Pinkie turned around and bolted toward town.

  "EDI, the pink pony just talked."

  "Commander, I believe you may not be getting your recommended amount of sleep." EDI commented

  Shepard turned to Garrus and Liara, "Please tell me you saw it too."

  Garrus stared out stupidly, "I'm not sure what I saw, Shepard."

  "This is all too strange." Liara added.

  "Commander, none of this makes any sense." Garrus stated plainly, "Your call, what would you have us do?"

  "I... I just want to get out out of here as soon as possible. Move out."

  Shepard and his squad run out almost as if they had a clue what they were doing... they didn't.

End of part two