It was totally worth it! Yeah sure, I may have gotten sick. But at least I finally got the chance to be with her without worrying about her husband.
My name is Discord. You probably know who I am, I'm the "reformed" spirit of chaos and disharmony. And I have a secret that I've been dying to reveal! But if I told it to anyone else my dreams would be ruined forever.
You see, the thing is. I'm in love with Princess Cadence, the alicorn of love. "Why?" you ask? None of your damn business! That's why! All you need to know is that I love Princess Cadence with all of my heart.
Yes yes, I know she's already married to Shining Armor. But I'll be honest, I don't think Cadence deserves him. He's a goody goody twohorseshoes. And just thinking about him makes me wanna puke! I can't stand that guy, Cadence could do SO much better if you ask me.
My plan was working perfectly. I "pretended" to be sick with the blue flu, and got rid of anypony who tried to take care of me. Except for that annoying Twilight Sparkle. I was so sure that I could get rid of her by sending her and Cadence to retrieve that flower. It's too bad Twilight never knows when to quit.
And it was thanks to her that I was forced to stay inside that germ free bubble. I really wish Cadence didn't have to leave, I would've loved to have her by my side until I felt well again.
What's that you say? What about Fluttershy? Well we may be friends, but I just don't feel attracted to her. And I feel the same way about Pinkie Pie. Princess Celestia is way too boring, Princess Luna has that mysterious vibe that makes it hard to know if you can even trust her, and Twilight Sparkle doesn't even know how to make use of her title.
But Cadence, oh she's a different story. She's so sweet, so cheerful, so beautiful, and yet so strong. I mean, surely you saw how she can conjur up protective force fields without breaking a sweat right? And yet she thinks life in that little Crystal Empire of hers is boring. Well maybe there's a way I can fix that.
Fluttershy says I'm almost better now. Another day or two and I should be back to full health. And then I'll put my plan into motion. Nopony will ever know.
Well it may have been longer then I'd hoped. But I'm finally well enough to use my magic again. And that means I'm free!
So what am I going to do now? Well it's obvious isn't it? I intend to spend a little "quality time" with Cadence, without her husband around to stop me.
It's simple, I know my way around Equestria. Besides the Crystal Empire is kinda hard to miss. I'll just teleport there, and use my magic to "convince" Princess Cadence that I'm Shining Armor. I can even do a perfect imitation of his voice. Just listen. "Hello honey, another predictable day in the empire? Well I know what will make you feel better. Let's climb into bed, make out, and just do whatever you want to do."
How was that? Pretty convincing right? And when you add in the fact that I intend to make myself look like Shining Armor there's no way this plan can fail.
I'll just need to make sure that the real Shining Armor doesn't show up. Which shouldn't be a problem, I hear he's busy coaching the Crystal Empire's Equestria Games team. In fact I was told that's the whole reason why he didn't acompany Cadence on her trip to Ponyville. And as long as he keeps coaching that team everything will be just fine. For me at least.
What about the guards? Well I'm sure they won't suspect anything as long as I stay disguised as Shining Armor. And if worse comes to worse I've got many tricks up my sleeve guarnteed to stop them.
I even heard that there's this one guard who's not a crystal pony, and he sticks out like a sore thumb. He's also supposedly the rookie of the group. So that means, if I can fool him with some fake "order" he'll probably pass it on to the rest of the guards. And by the time they realize what's going on it will be too late.
So far so good. I've made it to the Crystal Empire, and no one has spotted me yet. Good, let's hope it stays that way. Because although I don't usually like to resort to violence, in this case I'll happily make an exception.
But for now I've got to focus. Just one little snap and I should look exactly like Shining Armor. Well, here goes!
Well I can see hooves, so I think the illusion's working. I can see the Crystal Castle up ahead. Just a few more minutes and all my dreams will come true. Oh Cadence, dear sweet Cadence! I can't wait to get a taste of your love! I hope it is as sweet as you are!
Wow! The route to the castle is a lot further then it looked at first glance. But I've finally made it. Very soon Cadence will be all mine.
Should've figured there would be guards around here. Oh well, at least now I'll know if the illusion really works.
"At ease men. You are all dismissed, so go do whatever it is you normally do." I say.
The guards supsect nothing. "Sir yes sir." they reply. Too easy.
Now to just get all set up and.... wait a second! I think someone's coming! Ooh! Looks like I got here just in time! Come to me my sweet Cadence! Our forbidden love shall be so splendid!
"Hey you! Just what do you think YOU'RE doing here?!" a voice asks. Time itself seems to stop. That's definitely not the sweet and lovely voice of Cadence that I know so well. It's the voice of her husband, Shining Armor. And from the looks of things I'd say he just made things a lot more complicated. Maybe I should pull the plug on this operation and try again some other time.
No, no. It's fine. I got this. I'm not the spirit of chaos and disharmony for nothing. I can make this work.
"What am I doing here? The real question is what are YOU doing here? You're suppose to be coaching the Crystal Empire's Equestria Games team!" I say. My voice sounds exactly like Shining Armor's, and I'm sure you know what I'm gong to do next.
"I don't know who you think you are, you imposter! But you're not me!" Shining Armor snaps. It's obvious that he's not happy. Now that I think about Fluttershy mentioned something about a creature called a changeling. And how it impersonated Cadence at her wedding. Guess that thought slipped my mind, and now it's come back to bite me. This is not good!
I've gotta thing of something ,and fast! "I don't want any trouble! I'm not here to hurt you! I was going anyway! No one needs to know about this! This will just be our little secret! And besides, like anyone's going to believe you!" I say. Oh, wow! That last line did not come out the way I wanted it to. This is gonna suck!
"You may have fooled me once before, but I won't let you do it again!" Shining Armor says. He begins to approach me, his horn glowing brightly.
I try to run, but suddenly I find myself being pulled towards him. I could break the illusion and teleport away, but if I do Shining Armor will never let me live this down. I'm screwed!
"Never! EVER! Come near me or Cadence ever again if you value your life! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!" Shining Armor bellows.
"Y-yes sir." I reply nervously. It's all I can do right now.
"Good." Shining Armor says, and punches me quite hard. I wince in pain, I'm gonna feel that in the morning. Then suddenly I feel my "hooves" leaving the ground. And I can feel myself be floated towards the balcony of the Crystal Castle.
"Wait? What are you doing?!" I ask, even though I pretty much know the answer.
"I'm going to make sure you remember this!" Shining Armor says. A huge smirk breaking out across his face. I know what's coming next.
"Help. Help! My leg!" I scream, as I am tossed from the balcony.
"And don't ever let me catch you doing this again!" Shining Armor scolds.
"Ow!" I groan. Still recovering from my "accident".
"It's okay Discord. Nothing's broken. You'll be back on your feet in no time." Fluttershy says to me gently. Guess that's one good thing to come out of this. Fluttershy is the best nurse a guy can ask for.
"Thanks again for patching me up on such short notice." I say. Expressing my gratitude to Fluttershy for helping me in my time of need. Again.
"What are friends for?" Fluttershy says "Although"
"Although what" I ask.
"Just what happened to you out there? You looked like death when you teleported into my living room." Fluttershy says. And in all honesty looking like death is puting it lightly. I might be a spirit of chaos and disharmony but I can still feel pain. And after what I've been through I felt pain in just about every bone in my body. Not a pleasant experience I assure you.
But I can't tell Fluttershy what really happened. I've got to think of a lie, and I've got to think of it quick. "Well, promise me you won't laugh." I say as I try to think of a believable fib.
"I won't." Fluttershy says "Let's hear it."
There's a tense silence for a moment. And then suddenly, I get an idea. An awful idea. A wonderfully, awful idea. But if it works all my troubles will be gone. For now at least. "I...I..." I falsely stuter, building up the mood.
"Yes?" Fluttershy asks.
"I fell down some stairs." I say, trying my best to sound ashamed.
Angel Bunny looks at me with a glare that seems to say "You didn't fall down any stairs, you liar!"
I cast Angel a glare that replys back "Shut up, or I'll push you down a flight!" Angel looks away.
"Oh is that all?" Fluttershy asks "Well if so it's nothing to be ashamed of. Just be more careful next time."
"Believe me Fluttershy I will." I say. Guess this is another one of my hairbrained schemes that backfired on me.
Author's Note
I regret nothing, and I mean it.
Sanity not included.
