Etta's New Desk
by Shivered Timbers
Etta Trix released the sigh she'd been holding in since her last desk had crashed through the floor of her office. Insurance had covered the flooring itself, thankfully, but not the desk itself. Still, it had been worth every bit that she -- and the Trotter -- had paid for it. Forged from exotic woods in the Everfree Forest, with bronzed drawer pulls of the finest workponyship, it was a grand behemoth that filled her office with an intimidating sense of foreboding. It reigned over the lamps, cowed the filing cabinets, and told the wastebasket who was boss. It was, in a word, perfect.
"That oughta do 'er for ya, ma'am," said the unicorn workpony, stowing a wooden level in his saddlebag.
"Thanks, cutie," she said with a grin, and smacked his flank as he left her office.
The unicorn yipped and scooted out the door. Etta laughed. She was feeling good; really good. Most of her office supplies were still in boxes, but there wasn't any real deadline to get them unpacked. Workplace stress levels had been gradually decreasing all around, and now she, too, could finally relax.
There but was one last thing to be done before this desk was ready. She tapped the intercom button.
"Miss Dish, I want you in my office five minutes ago!" She smirked at the little cry of surprise that came from Celebrity's end of the line. Keep 'em on their hooves, that's how you run a paper.
Sure as sugar, the gossip columnist arrived a few moments later, breathless and fearful. Just the way I like 'em.
"You wanted to see me, chief?" the demure mare asked, desperately trying to compose herself.
"I did! What do you think of my new desk, Miss Dish?" She stood to one side so the juggernaut could be viewed in all its wooden glory.
"Well..." Celebrity cleared her throat, having finally calmed herself down. "I'm no furniture expert, Chief, but it's very... err, shiny?"
Etta nodded slowly. "Hmm, shiny, yes... A little too shiny if you ask me. A desk this shiny is a lightweight, a greenhorn... A virgin! You know what it needs? It needs to be broken in, that's what!"
"I'm sure I don't follow you, chief," Celebrity said. Her confusion was overriding her nervousness.
Good.
Etta moved past her and locked the door, drawing the shades over the windows. "That's why I called you in here, after all."
The unicorn's eyes widened. "...Ch-chief?"
"After all-" Etta's voice dropped to a low purr- "I did say I wanted you in my office, didn't I?" She reared up on her hind legs and slammed the column writer against the wall, grinning devilishly. Celebrity swallowed and chewed on her lower lip.
"B-but, I..."
"Like your job, right?" Etta sucked in a breath and let it out across Celebrity's neck, eliciting a shudder. "It's been lonely around here since Presspass left, hasn't it?" She nipped at the other mare's jaw. "Don't think I never saw how you looked at him."
"Chief, you..."
"Shut up and get on the desk." To drive home her intentions, Etta licked very delicately up Celebrity's horn. The unicorn cried out, shivered, and then moaned desirably. "That's what I love about unicorns: you're so much easier to manipulate than earth ponies." She grinned. "Even moreso than pegasi."
Outside the office door, the pegasus intern suddenly found himself coming over all flustered. Half a dozen blackberry jelly donuts in a box met their end on the floor, though thankfully their gory deaths were neatly contained inside their cardboard tomb. Wings outstretched, he dashed for the stallions' room, hoping nopony had noticed.
"I haven't had a good unicorn in my office in months," Etta continued. "With any luck, you'll be just the filly I've been looking for to end that dry spell."
"Anyth-thing you say, Chief..." Already, Celebrity was not entirely in control of her faculties, stumbling over toward the desk and leaning back against it, balanced on her rear hooves. She gave Etta a look of confused desire. The chief grinned.
"Prepare yourself, Miss Dish..."
The unicorn gasped as Etta pressed her against the desk, nibbling at the nape of her neck. Celebrity wrapped her forelegs around her boss's shoulders and held her close, feeling her hooves lift off the ground as she was slid over the top of the desk on her back. Etta licked down her belly, nibbling in places before letting her breath fall between the unicorn's legs. Celebrity shivered and gasped.
"My body's... ready..."
Etta grinned. "Good."
She clambered atop the desk, straddling Celebrity and grinding her hips against the mare's midsection. Leaning over, she threw open the topmost right desk drawer, already filled with knickknacks and other accessories her old desk had once held. Flinging aside an inconspicuous folder, she removed a ball gag and riding crop.
Licking her lips in anticipation, she used the tip of the crop to stroke Celebrity's horn, causing the unicorn to close her eyes and, more importantly, open her mouth as she let out a delightful moan. Etta placed the gag in her mouth, and quickly tied it in place. The unicorn's submission to the move made it Etta's turn to groan in pleasure.
"You're such a good little columnist."
Etta teased Celebrity's horn slowly with the tip of the riding crop, sucking in a breath and wiping saliva from her own lips, so tantalizing was the normally reserved mare's giving of herself. It usually took a little more effort than this, but Etta didn't care; she was after one thing this time, and every moment wasted teased her just as much as she teased Celebrity.
Etta stood and climbed down from the desk. "Now roll over like a good girl."
Celebrity took a few moments to regain control of herself, then did as told, crumpling up the blotter paper as she did so. Etta admired the way the gossip columnist kept herself in shape; there wasn't an ounce of excess flesh on those toned flanks, and her muscles rippled delicately beneath light blue fur and golden star cutie mark. Celebrity positioned herself on her stomach, legs spread and tail wagging in Etta's face. She could smell the mare's excitement, sense her anticipation. Etta sucked in another breath between her teeth; she was going to enjoy this.
Swinging the riding crop back, she brought it forth with a resounding smack against Celebrity's flank. The cry of pain was muffled by the ball gag.
"You like that, hmm? You want another, you dirty filly?" She smacked the crop against the other side, and this time the sharp cry was blunted by a low moan. Celebrity turned her head, looked into Etta's eyes, swallowed around the gag, and nodded.
"Atta girl!" Etta gave her a wicked grin and smacked the crop across both of Celebrity's rump cheeks. She drew the tip slowly along the inside of Celebrity's thigh, tracing her contours. The unicorn squirmed in delight, tail lifting, and moaned as the implement brushed between her legs.
"But I can't have you getting away, now can I?" Etta set the crop down and rummaged in a box as Celebrity craned her head up to see what was going on. In just a few moments, Etta had removed an adjustable metal rod and a length of rope, which she tossed to her oh-so-willing subject. "Do be a dear and tie yourself up, won't you?"
Celebrity obliged, rolling onto her back once again and stretching her forelegs above her head as the rope coiled around them. She twisted it securely about them before knotting it over the handle of the center desk drawer. As Celebrity bound herself, moaning in anticipation, Etta applied the bar to her rear legs, spreading them apart and locking it rigid to keep them that way. She sent a puff of breath between the unicorn's legs that made her shudder against her restraints. Chuckling, Etta made one final dive into a box for the final necessity.
She held it aloft, and the unicorn's eyes went wide when she saw it. It was pink silicone and slightly transparent. The nubs were positioned to hit every major nerve. The girth would stretch her to her limit. And when Etta pressed a button on the thick end, it vibrated.
"Ooh, getting anxious, are we?" She savored the aroma of the other mare's excitement as she waved the egg-shaped device about. "This is all for you..." She turned it off so it would fit more easily, and when it was most of the way in, she turned it back on. The unicorn groaned in ecstasy as it went to work on her.
"And now, Miss Dish, if you aren't too busy..." She stood, hauled herself up onto the desktop, and straddled Celebrity's shoulders. Reaching down, she kissed the mare forcefully, lifting her head up and undoing the clasp on her gag. The unicorn returned the kiss passionately as the ball fell out of her mouth, and her moans grew in intensity.
Etta laid her down onto the desk. "It's my turn."
"Y-yes, Chief..."
The earth mare drew herself up to Celebrity's head, kneeling low. Celebrity needed no urging, and began licking at Etta's folds, the Chief soon adding her own moans to the mix. Celebrity's hips gyrated as the buzzing egg within her worked its magic, and her tongue worked its own magic over, around, and inside her superior.
Etta's hips bucked, driving the ministrations deeper inside. She tilted her head back, riding her subordinate's muzzle hard. The desk shivered and quaked. Both mares panted and strained as their heat drew to fulfillment.
There was a crack. Consumed as they were in each other, neither noticed.
Celebrity's climax rocked them both violently upwards. Moments later, her mouth was saturated in Etta's juices. The earth pony threw herself forward, hanging off the edge as Celebrity lapped her clean.
More cracking noises finally drew their attention away from their shared sweaty, breathless elation. Etta looked at Celebrity, her eyes wide.
The desk shook. The floor gave way. Everything went dark.
The darkness was broken by a series of flashing lights, which Etta tried unsuccessfully to banish via hoof waving. Her memory was a shambles, yet something about this situation felt very familiar.
Her eyes flew open, grogginess dispelled by a realization. "My desk!"
She rolled awkwardly to her hooves, coughing on dust and finding footing difficult amidst all the debris. Images of lengthy bills flashed through her mind. How much had she paid for it, only to have it all taken away from her again?
The basement was just as dark, dingy and cobweb-filled as it had been the last time she had been down here with her desk, only that time, it had simply added to the ever-present debris. Now, adorned with an unconscious blue unicorn, it stood, slightly dented and entirely covered with dust, otherwise none the worse for wear.
Etta could not help but tear up at the sight.
"Momma's so proud!" She rushed to embrace the wooden hulk. "You were worth every one of the newspaper's bits, even if those lazy good-for-nothings didn't shore up the flooring like I told them to!" She kissed the desk, and gagged on the dust. "You beautiful hunk of mahogany you!"
Celebrity mumbled something about lightning and groaned; it was not pleasurable in the least. Her murmuring interrupted Etta's fawning long enough for a question to form in her mind: Just what were those flashes?
"Presspass!" The unicorn's screech broke Etta entirely from her musings. She jerked her head up to see a maroon flank vanish up the steps, gleeful cackles following behind.
"Midnight tomorrow on Celestial Bridge, Celebrity! Bring your blackmail folder and you'll get these!"
Etta's temper would not surface. She'd been through so much already and it promised to be a long day still. With a sigh, she sat down against the side of the desk and rubbed her temples, listening to Celebrity struggle with her restraints.
"Uhh, a little help here, Chief?"
Etta chuckled to herself. At least it was worth it.
Celebrity drew her very fashionable parka close as the spray from Celestial Falls chilled her. Clouds of frost issued forth from her mouth, joining those kicked up by the churning waters below. She shivered, though it was from something other than the cold. A voice from the darkness cut through the roaring waterfall and her head snapped up. She winced in pain.
"Sorry I'm late."
Celebrity turned, a harsh reply on her lips, but decided against it as she saw her tormentor across the bridge from her. All day, he'd taunted her with what he'd seen earlier that day, his delight at her humiliation palpable. Even now, a smug grin lit his features, and a certain gaiety crept into his step. She checked him for any sign of an envelope as he neared, and shifted the one in her possession.
"Did you bring them?"
"Did you?"
She sniffed, drawing forth the manila envelope with her mouth -- it had only been a mild concussion, but the doctor had said no magic until she'd made a complete recovery nevertheless, just to be safe -- and holding it up. It bore a familiar sharpied-on inscription, with little hearts dotting the i's. "They're all here."
The stallion nodded and reached into his saddlebag. "These too," he said, around a mouthful of matching office-issue envelope. "On three?"
Celebrity nodded, just slightly, and let him count. They tossed the envelopes toward one another, where they met halfway with a slap and fell to the damp pavement. A second passed as they stared at each other before each rushed forward and grabbed the envelope they had come for. They backed up to opposite edges of the bridge, never taking their eyes off one another.
"So that's it, then?"
"Yep, that's it. It's all over tonight."
"You mean it's all over until I take more pictures of you." She tried to grin, coughed and winced again. "I'm ready to get out of this damned cold. What should I tell the boss?"
The stallion shrugged. "She was thrown clear of the desk in the fall, so she's not in the pictures. It's just you. Plus, I'm not dumb enough to try blackmailing her anyway."
"All right then." She nodded. They stood in silence for a moment that extended into awkwardness.
"Uhh, see you tomorrow in the newsroom then?"
"Yeah."
She dug at the ground. "Presspass?"
"Don't worry; your secret's safe with me. I wouldn't want to go spreading it around, after all." He grinned and took off running, envelope clutched tightly in his teeth.
A particular shade of maroon clouded her vision. Hooves skittered over cobblestones as she charged at her adversary, horn lowered, headache be damned. His laughter echoed into the night.
"You get back here! It's not like that, Presspass! Presspass!"
Notes o' the Author: Yarr, here be the slicker seas what I promised last time! I may be many things, but a liar ain't one!
I'd like t' thank Midnight Shadow, kits and Daffodil fer givin' this a look-see and makin' sure everythin' was ship-shape. O' course, biggest thanks go t' Presspass himself fer bein' such a good sport about what I done with 'is characters. 'E's a real matey, 'e is, buy 'im a drink when next ye should meet!
-Shivered Timbers, the Porn Pirate
