The Assassin

by Dusk Dash

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Dark, Comedy
Length: 1574

An assassin rolls into town on a job, but something interferes as soon as he gets there. Or rather someone. And it becomes more than his typical job.

An assassin rolls into town on a job, but something interferes as soon as he gets there. Or rather someone. And it becomes more than his typical job. Can he handle it?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-25 00:37:37 UTC

Prologue

   Finally I can get off this fucking carriage. It's been a two day trip to get here and the ride here was an absolute bitch. I get off the carriage and grab my duffel bag from the back. I was sent here on a job. What job you ask? To kill some guy named Time Turner, apparently he stole something from some mob in downtown Manehatten and they decided to call me. Rightfully so, too. I'm one of the best assassins in the world and I'm on the top of the hit list of pretty much every government in the world, though most try to keep my existence quiet out of fear of me, you know, killing them. Even the immortal princesses of this fine country seem to fear me which is quite amazing considering I wouldn't have the first clue as to how I could kill them. My mission here in Ponyville– or whatever the fuck this colorful eyesore of a town is called– is simple, get in, kill him, get out, kill anyone who saw me. Do that and I'll be 500,000 bits richer than I was before. As I start my walk with my duffel bag I hear something. It sounds like… yelling?  And that was the second something hit me and knocked me to the ground. All I can feel now is pain, something squeezing me like a boa constrictor, and the scent of frosting. I rolled over and pushed myself upwards but found it very hard to steady myself. That's when I bothered to look down and saw that some girl with pink hair was attacked to me. Is she… hugging me? "Excuse me ma'am?" I say, she looks up with a smile while continuing to hug me with all the power of an ursa.

   "Yeeeeeees?" She replies.

   "Ma'am can you please let go of me." I struggle to say as I start to run out of air in my lungs.

   "Oh, Right! Sorry about that." She says as she releases me from that mangling grip. I think she broke a rib. "I forgot to mention! I'm Pinkie Pie and welcome to PONYVILLE!!!" God this pony is annoying. I try to think of any way to get out of this situation but can't think of one.

   "Okay, Pinkie Pie where can I find a hotel? Or inn? Or somewhere that's not the road?" I ask in an attempt to get this lady away from me and find somewhere to sleep.

   "Hmmm, the only place I can think of is the few extra rooms at Sugarcube Corner. I'm sure the cakes will let you stay there, they're really nice people and they make DELICIOUS food, like, really good food. in fact one time…" she continues to ramble. I stopped listening after that. I don think I could take more of her infernal talking. Does this woman ver shut her pie hole? In any case I start heading towards the center of town to see if I can't find the market where this Sugarcube Corner is.

I find the place soon enough and much to my surprise I find it empty when I walk in. I take a few steps in and then suddenly "SURPRISE!!!!" I fall backwards at the collective shout of that word. There must have been 70 people in there! Where the fuck did they come from?! I don't know what the hell is happening but I don't like it.

   "Hey mister! I forgot to say that I throw a party for new people! Oh! I also forgot to ask what your name was!" I'm still on the floor but I recognize that voice. Pinkie Pie.

   "My name is Quick Draw." I tell her as I get up.

   "Ooh, that's a funny name! I like—" I quickly cut her off by saying.

   "Listen I'd love to stay and talk but I'd like to just get a room." Actually I'd love to kill this bitch, but I keep that to myself. "Sure! Just go down the hall." She tells me.

   When I get to the room I throw my duffel bag on the bed and untie the top to make sure it's contents are safe. I check the parts to my disassembled crossbow, its bolts, my throwing knives, and most importantly my enchanted leaf-bladed swords. These blades are very important, the enchantment on them came from a magician in the tribal nation to the south. The enchantment allows whoever is holding the blades to absorb the magic that any Mage throws at the holder. They're very valuable to me since they were some of my first weapons I obtained. I hear a knock at the door and quickly stuff everything back into my bag and tie the top. "Come in." I shout. And who else but Pinkie Pie.

   "I seem to keep on forgetting to ask you things! Whatcha doin' in Ponyville?" She asks. Shit! I forgot to make a cover story!

   "Just business." I say. Really? That's the best I can come up with? I think I'm losing my edge.

   "Ooh! What kind of business? Does it involve cake?" She asks.

   "No, it's pretty private." As soon as I get the sentence out she starts staring at me extremely intensely. Damn this is uncomfortable.

   "Private business, huh?" She asks, voice dripping with suspicion. She came inches away from my face, squinting. "Okie dokie lokie!" She shouts as she prances off as if none of that had ever happened. I close the door and continue to inspect for damage on any of my weapons. The only thing he could see was a small scratch along the side of one of his throwing knives which appeared to be caused by a knife falling out of its loop and scraping this one. At least it didn't do any other sort of damage. I can still hear that stupid party going on outside my door. Why couldn't I get a job located somewhere normal?

Chapter 1- Ugh. Friendship.

   It's been at least two days since I got here and I've been looking for my target with zero luck. I'm starting to wonder if this job is going to end up being a bust. I think at this point I'll go and grab a drink from somewhere. Now that I think about it, does this town even have alcohol? I don't think I've seen a drop of it since I got here. I guess I'll have to figure that out, however in the meantime I–

   "Hey, watch it!" I hear someone say. "Hey! Can you at least help me up?" That's the point I turn around and see some girl sitting on the ground.

   "Were you talking to me?" I ask. She nods and I give her a hand up. Who is this? Some sort of Mage it looks like, and damn she has a lot of books.

   "Alright, so what's the big deal? You push people over often?" She says. What a snarky bitch. What's this lady's problem?

   "No I can't say I do. Goodbye." I reply. I start to turn and walk away.

   "Wait! Can you help me get these back to the library!" She shouts as I try to hurry off. "Please? I think I broke my bookbag when you bumped into me. I sigh heavily. Is this really what I am now? Some random asshat's man servant? "Yeah, sure. Let me grab a few of these." I say reluctantly as I pick up a few of the thick books. I look at the titles and they're somewhat strange. Friendship 101: an Advanced Look Into the Science of Friendship to name one. "What's with social skills books?" I ask.

   "If you must know I'm here because the princess has sent me here on a mission to learn everything I can about the magic of friendship" she replied. How useless. Friends are a waste of time and they distract you from your goals. And why would the princess even need friendship when she and her sister already have godlike powers. I guess now I'll have to watch my step around this lady, if she's in contact with the royal sisters then that means I'm in deep trouble if I get caught. This person just made my job a lot harder.

   "Interesting. Where do you live again?" I ask. I realized we had been wandering and I had no idea where we were going.

   "We're here." she said as we stopped in front of a giant hollowed out tree with a sign in front of it that just had a picture of a book on it. "You live in a library?" Out of all things she could be living in, she chose a library?

   "Yes! Where better to do research than a library?" She said with a condescending tone as if it should have been obvious. Then, I had an idea.

   "Does this library include stuff about Ponyville?" I asked, my plan was to see if there were town records that I could look at and hopefully find something about my target.

   "I suppose. Why don't we take a look." She said, and we headed inside. When she wasn't looking I gave a wolffish grin; things were starting to move forward.