Luna's Amazing Adventure

by Cold Fire

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Princess Luna
Length: 999

Celestia is high. Hijinks ensue.

Celestia is high. Hijinks ensue. That's really it. This is just a story that I wrote in thirty minutes when I wanted to take a break from homework.

Published 2014-01-26 21:30:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-26 21:30:05 UTC

The Adventure

Author's Note

I WAS BORED. DO NOT VIEW THIS AS ANYTHING SERIOUS.

The Adventure

Princess Luna was pacing in her room, worrying about raising the moon or some shit like that when Celestia burst in high as the sun. “HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY THERE! HOW YOU DOIN' SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS?”

Luna facehoofed. “Damn it, Tia, did you get into the confiscated materials again?” The Princesses had been confiscating narcotics and the like for the better part of a year.

“NO. THIS IS AAAAAAALL YOU. YOU MADE ME EAT THAT STUFF.”

“To my knowledge, you can’t eat drugs.”

“YOU CAN EAT COCAINE!”

“No, you can’t. That’ll kill you. If you seriously ate cocaine, we need to get you to Poison Control.” All of a sudden Discord walked into that room, and he was even higher than Celestia. He was at that level of high where the world is so distorted that he seriously thought he was a teenage filly, and shit suddenly got very real.

“Oh, hi. I came here to tell you that you are absolutely shit as a teacher.”

Luna was struck dumb. “Did you let him into the contraband? And for that matter, how in the hell did he get past the guards?”

Celestia blinked. “Those were ours? I mean, uh, OH SHIT! HOW DID HE GET PAST THE GUARDS?”

Discord did a mane flip because his high-envisioned mane was all up in his grill. “No, no, that stuff was just candy that you put in your arm!”

"What?" Luna was very confused.

"Candy you put in your arm! It's a very intricate process. You see, first, they liquefy the candy so it turns a very nice shade of... uh... color... and then they put it in a little bottle. Then, they poke that bottle with a straw, and then you let your arm drink the mixture. It's all very elegant." Discord was very excited over this process.

"Liquid candy? You have got to be shitting me. You can't possibly be that high."

"But it's true! You can ask Celestia over there. Hey, Tia, it's liquid candy, right?"

"Oh, yeah," Celestia said. "Some mixture of candy that they melt down into liquid gold. It's amazing, sis, you have to try it."

"All right, fuck it." Luna had had enough. She threw them all out (literally, Discord’s legs refused to function) and called Twilight to come and take care of the two extremely high beings.

Twilight showed up with Spike in tow. Spike had a bong in his hand and was smoking up a storm, and Twilight didn't care because they had just fought or something, I don’t know. Twilight came up and said “Did they get into the drugs again?”

“Yes, yes,” Luna said, “and honestly I don’t even know how they got into them. That door should only be operable if two Princesses use their magic to - OH GOD DAMMIT. IT WAS CADENCE, WASN'T IT?”

Cadence flew in, and if Discord was as high as Pluto, Cadence was in a different star system. She had come to Canterlot for a summit with the rulers of the other nations of the world, and she apparently had decided getting high was the best use of her time there. In fact, she was so high she flew right into a pole while singing some song about smoking weed every day. It didn't even faze her, and she landed in front of Luna with a crazed grin. “Salutations, my fellow monarch. How transpires thy quest to elevate the lunar celestial body?”

“Oh my God,” Twilight said. “She’s speaking in fancy. Well, we’re fucked. Should I put them into protective custody?”

“NOOOOO!” Celestia was frothing at the mouth, and the other ponies couldn't even understand her, but they got the general idea. “ITHS MUTH UKAHH THU PHUTH UTH IM THE DUMHIM.” Twilight translated that into something about not putting them in the dungeon. Luna just shook her head.

“Tia, this is for your own good. Twilight, take them out.” Twilight nodded and enveloped all three of them in a magic field. Celestia started yelling about millions of years in the dungeon for both of them, and Twilight teleported them into some hospital in Canterlot, where the nurses were confused as fuck about what had just happened and Celestia kept screaming.
Luna exhaled and sat down with a huff. “Thank you, Twilight. At least now it’s over.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Twilight said. “It’s for their own good.” The two princesses sat there for a minute, pondering what had just transpired, and then Luna looked up.

"Do you think they'll be all right?"

"Oh, come on, Luna. They're the hardiest beings I know. If anyone can make it through whatever the hell that was, they can."

"Um." Luna looked at Twilight, then just shook her head. "I suppose. I'm more than a little worried about Cadence, though. She's very delicate, and her health hasn't been the greatest lately."

"Don't worry about it. The nurses over at Some Random Canterlot Hospital will take care of them much better than we can." Just then the phone rang. It was SRC Hospital calling to inform them that they would all survive, but to never let them do that again. Next time would probably be worse, and while Discord could handle it, the two ponies couldn't do another run like that without seriously damaging their bodies. Twilight nodded as Luna reported. "Good, good. Hopefully they'll learn their lesson."

"Are you kidding me? We can never let them out of our sight again. The best we can hope for is that Cadence goes back to the Crystal Empire as fast as possible so they can't do anything like that again." That was a reality check and a half for Twilight, and they sat around and moped for another ten minutes. Then, Luna looked up at Twilight and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I think so," Twilight said. "Continue."

“You wanna go get high as fuck?”

“FUCK YEAH!”