Discord's Day Off

by mojomcm

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 1494

Discord is bored. How does he get un-bored?

When you're a chaotic draconequus, what do you do when you're bored? Well, that's exactly what Discord wants to know.

One-shot.

Published 2014-01-26 22:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-26 22:30:04 UTC

There Once was a Bored Draconequus...

It was Tuesday.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and everything was going absolutely perfectly. There were no invading changelings, no crystal empires being attacked by monsters, and no evil sorceresses returning from a thousand-year banishment on the moon. It was a completely and utterly ordinary day. So, of course, that meant only one thing. Discord was bored.

Being the spirit of chaos, he could always amuse himself by conjuring up something wacky or turning something into something silly or pranking some poor pony, just for laughs. But after a while, even the wackiest, silliest thing he could think of grew old, and the number of ponies available to prank in Canterlot was steadily diminishing.

Discord would love to visit his friend Fluttershy in Ponyville, but she was bound to be busy and he had no money for train fare. He could always just snap his fingers and teleport there, but where's the fun in that?! So, Discord was bored and all the ponies in Canterlot and the surrounding suburbs were about to find out what happened when the chaotic draconequus got bored.

"Tia!!!" Discord ran through the halls of Canterlot Castle screaming. His arms flailed wildly as he raced through the hallways, shoving the misfortunate palace guards out of the way as he passed them. "Celestia!!!"

He slid to a stop, leaving skid-marks on the tiled floor as he passed Luna's bedroom door, which just so happened to be wide open.

"Lulu!" Discord cried as he leapt at her door.

The midnight blue alicorn wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Why must thou insist on calling us that?"

Discord grinned, "Havest thou seeneth thy sister aroundith hereus?"

"You mock us with your 'iths' and 'usses'! We have NOT seen our sister this morn and it 'tis past our bedtime. So good day!" With that, Luna scowled and slammed her door in the draconequus' face.

Discord peeled his face off of the lunar princess's door and out of the first dimension. "Well, that went well." Seconds later, he was back to racing through the hallways screaming wand waving his arms frantically. "TIIIIAAAAA!!!"

Princess Celestia jerked her head up just in time to see the great doors bang open with a crash that resounded throughout the entire throne room. One certain mischievous draconequus was standing right smack in the doorway, his mouth grinning widely like a madman.

"Tia!!!" Discord leapt at the great sun princess and wrapped his mismatched arms around her neck to the dismay and disappointment of the royal guards stationed at her throne.

"DISCORD?!?!" Celestia's brow wrinkled in confusion. "What is the meaning of this?!"

The draconequus looked up at her with a smile, "I missed you."

Celestia growled angrily, "I just saw you five minutes ago, at breakfast." She struggled to move her hooves out of Discord's vice-like grip.

Pouting, Discord said, "I know, but five minutes is just toooooo long to go without seeing your beeeaauutiful face!"

"I don't have time for your antics today, Discord. I have to hold day court!" With that, the angered solar princess grabbed hold of Discord's midsection with her magic and flung him across the room where he promptly splattered on the stained glass window. Whatever remained of the draconequus was sucked into the window where Discord appeared as a stained glass image.

"Fine, be that way! It's not like I'm mind-numbingly booooored with nothing to do!"

"You poor, pitiful baby."

Discord scowled at the princess, an impressive feat for one made of glass, and simply popped out of existence.

The draconequus popped back into reality (what little of it that Discord could be in) with a loud bang and a bright flash. He was standing in one of the castle's rooms, in fact, it was his very own room. The walls spun slowly as they changed color and pattern. Potted plants ran past him, barking like dogs and covered in eyes. The room's furniture, which was made of cake, floated around Discord and the light fixtures hung from the floor. If his unusual decorations were any hint, Discord certainly considered gravity, reality, and the laws of nature as "suggestions".

Said draconequus hovered in the center of his bedroom, mismatched feet hanging over a foot off of the ceiling. "What to do, what to do, what to do? Hmmm...what DOES one do when they're bored?"

Discord pondered this question for a while. His face scrunched up the way it always did when he was thinking. He scratched his head with his eagle claw and stroked his scraggly goat beard with his lion paw.

"Ah-ha! That's it! I'll ask Twilight!"

With his new objective in mind, the bored draconequus leapt out the one window in his room, flapping and flailing his arms and legs (but not his wings) as he soared towards the room where Princess Twilight Sparkle was staying while she was in Canterlot.

"TWIIIILEEEY!!!" Discord screached as he crashed into her room. "Twiley! Twilight? Oh, PRRRRIINCEESSSS!!! Where has that lavender nuisance gone to?"

Discord searched the entire room looking for the princess of magic. He looked under the bed, behind the curtains, and inside the vanity drawers. Twilight was certainly not there.

"Come out, come out wherever you are!" Discord sang. "Hmmm. Not home. Now, if I were an eggheaded lavender princess, where would I be? Gotta get in costume first."

With that, the draconequus snapped his clawed fingers, causing a pair of lavender wings to appear on his back and a spiraled horn to sprout out from between his eyebrows. He coughed twice before mimicking Twilight's voice, "I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle and I looooove books, and I think that Discord is Best Princess!"

"I know where she is, now!"

Snapping his fingers, Discord teleported into the castle library. He looked around between the bookshelves until he found Twilight. "There you are!"

Twilight scowled angrily, "Give them back. Now."

Discord's eyes went wide as he looked at the lavender pony. Her wings and her horn were missing, and he knew exactly where they were. The draconequus-princess grinned innocently.

"Why, Twilight! I can't possibly return them! Not yet, at least."

"And why not?"

Discord scoffed, "How else am I supposed to be Best Princess?" He leaned in close to Twilight so that their noses touched. "Duh!"

She scrambled away from him, saying, "I'll tell Celestia!"

"Of fine!" The draconequus snapped his fingers, returning the horn and wings to their proper owner. "Spoil-sport."

Twilight rolled her eyes, "What do you want, Discord?"

"Hmmm. Now that is a very good question! What do I want? I waaaant a mrrffnnm!" Discord began to sing before he was silenced by Twilight's hoof being shoved down his throat.

"No singing." She growled quietly. "This is a library for Celestia's sake!"

Discord pried her hoof out from between his tonsils. "You're still a spoil-sport, you know."

"I know, and you still haven't answered my question." Twilight sighed. "What. Do. You. Want?"

"I forgot."

The lavender alicorn groaned in frustration while Discord tried to remember why he wanted to find Twilight in the first place. "Oh, I know! I needed to ask you a question."

"Alright. Ask away."

Rubbing his paw on the back of his neck, Discord smiled sheepishly. "I'm bored and I want to know what one does when they're, well, bored."

Twilight promptly facehoofed, "Really? Okay, um...when I'm bored, I usually read or visit one of my friends."

"Boooooring!"

"Shhhh!" A greying pony who must have been the librarian hissed. "Someponies are actually trying to read in here."

The lavender princess sighed, "Well, it's different for each pony. Or draconequus."

Discord groaned. "So I came all this way to ask you a question, and I still don't have the answer I want!"

"Shhhh!"

Twilight glared at Discord, "Let me ask you a question. Are you still bored now? Was it boring when you took my wings and horn? Were you bored as you raced through the halls screaming this morning, and don't think I didn't hear that. Everypony in Canterlot heard you. So, again, are you still bored?"

Discord pondered this for a minute. He glanced at Twilight a couple of times, and giggled as he thought about all of the hoity-toity ponies in Canterlot hearing him yell.

"No, I don't think I am anymore."

Twilight smiled and nodded, "Good. Now I can get back to my research."

"Oh, no." Discord grabbed Twilight's horn and turned her head so that she was facing him. "There's one last thing I need from you."

Discord laughed as he ran throughout the halls of Canterlot Castle screaming. His arms flailed wildly as he raced through the hallways, shoving the misfortunate palace guards out of the way as he passed them. "Discord is Best Princess!!!"

He was wearing a lavender spiral horn and had two sets of wings. The true owner of his extra appendages galloped close behind him yelling.

"DISCORD!!!"