HiE - Hipster in Equestria

by AWOL the Hipster

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Human, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 1105

John Paul is a lonely human being who happens to be a Hipster. He also happens to be run over by a minivan while cycling in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Will he learn the Magic of Friendship? Nope. Friendship is too mainstream.

Hip·ster
ˈhipstər/
nouninformal
noun: hipster; plural noun: hipsters
1. A person who follows the latest trends and fashions.

John Paul is a lonely human being who happens to be a Hipster. He also happens to be run over by a minivan while cycling in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Will he learn the Magic of Friendship? Nope. Friendship is too mainstream.
Set in my fucked up mind.

Hipster in Equestria Group!
The Hipster Group!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-27 03:50:05 UTC

Hipster's Morning Routine

        I awoke to the sound of my alarm which communicated to my through shrill chirping sounds. I slammed my hand on the snooze button and got up from bed.

        I slid on some skinny jeans that barely had any space in the pockets for a wallet, nor my iPhone. I put on a brown belt and neon green socks, my long and skinny jeans concealing the socks and the tops of my navy blue laceless and Converse shoes which I put on also right after. I put on a long sleeved, button down, Polo Ralph Lauren shirt which had a dark blue and light orange square pattern over a white background. Last but not least, my thick blue and black glasses that complimented my midnight brown eyes and hair. I had a naturally tan complexion that stayed tan, even in the winter.

        I exited my room and entered my bathroom, combing my hair. I washed my face, exiting the bathroom and entering the kitchen where I grabbed a FAGE brand yogurt from the fridge, my usual breakfast. I walked to the entrance to my two bedroom, one bath, studio. I grabbed the most important parts of my attire, the awesome laptop bag, my antique bike, my badass fedora, the Zara coat with a thin scarf, fingerless gloves from American Eagle, and finally the sacred camera backpack, which held my Lomographic camera collection and around thirty rolls of different types of film.

        I finished putting on the rest of the fifteen pound outfit and opened the door, locking it behind me and walking out with my bicycle and onto Bedford Avenue and Lafayette Avenue, NYC. It was a sunny Saturday morning and the day just started to pick up at 8:00 AM. I biked towards DOUGH, a donut shop that sells artisan donuts with exotic flavours. I left my bike outside the entrance and walked in, ordering a passion fruit donut to go.

        I returned to my bike, returning back down to Bedford Avenue and biking in the direction the avenue heads to, towards Williamsburg.

        Almost all writing that was visible started to turn into Jewish words, as I was passing through the Hasidic part of Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I moved through the heavy traffic that always plagues this avenue. I headed to the Williamsburg Bridge.

        The overpass over the BQE loomed ahead, a normal part of my journey into hipster capital, Williamsburg. The stoplight was green, and I pedaled through the overpass. I stopped at the first red light which was right under the Williamsburg Bridge.

         I took out my Audio Technica ATH-M50s and connected it to my iPhone, playing my Indie and Alternative rock playlist on the app called Spotify. The light suddenly turned green and right before I could pedal forward, I was forcefully lunged forward with my bicycle, I was hit by a minivan. My head hit a street lamp brutally hard and as I blacked out, I had a single thought.

People here don't know how to drive AND respect cyclists.

Focus Twilight...

        Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia's prodigy student and Ponyville's librarian sweated in focus as she charged up a portal spell in the middle of her living room.

        The spell would bring a sample of dirt from another planet to her living room, where she would carefully examine the sample. If the book open on the table next to her was right.

        "...NOW!" She yelled, releasing her spell as a purple orb flew out of her horn, she was a unicorn of course and capable of complicated spells. The orb hit the bookcases and formed a spiraling portal.

        She looked on in anticipation, waiting for what would come out.

       Without notice, a large object flew out and hit the wall behind her, books raining down from shelves and a loud crashing sound echoed through the library.

        Twilight looked behind her in surprise. "Maybe I charged the spell for to long... Heheheh" She ridiculed herself with a chuckle.

        Twilight heard the sound of claws on wood as her number one and only assistant, Spike, came down the stairs but stopped next to where he could see the living room through the railing.

        "Twilight, is everything o- NOPE, not cleaning that up." Spike turned right back around with his new fedora Twilight recently bought for him, going back to his room which was basically a hoard of gems.

        Twilight sighed as she picked up the irreplaceable and shredded books off of the floor with telekenisis. She found the "dirt sample". It wasn't a sample. It was a strange creature in a pool of blood and books.

        "W-What?! The spell was supposed to bring a dirt sample!?"

        "Oh, Celestia, what do I do?! Princess Celestia will be here any minute to see a demonstration of the spell!" Twilight paced around the room. There was a knock at the door.

        Twilight calmed herself. Just explain, and you'll be alright. She opened the door and saw Princess Celestia standing proudly in all of her glory. Twilight bowed low to the floor. "What is all of this... Mess?" She heard Princess Luna say next to Princess Celestia, which was way worse.

        Twilight stood back up and explained everything honestly, bluntly, and no bullshit. "There was a magical incident and there was an explosion and I accidentally brought a creature into this world from another planet and it's under a pile of books and there's a pool of blood forming around it!"

        "And... You did take it to a hospital didn't you?" Princess Celestia asked quizzically.

        "No." Twilight bowed her head in embarrassment. She was too caught up in how the spell failed and how she will be seen in front of others instead of helping somepony who could be mortally wounded because of her.

        Princess Celestia sighed. It's going to be a long day...

        Before they could care for the creature and see if it was alright, their question was answered in a few seconds.

        "Holy. Shit." They heard from inside the library.

        The three ponies turned to see if it talked and were surprised that it could speak Equis. The creature was sitting down with its top half up but the rest of its body in some weird pretzel shape. It had a short or non existent muzzle and small eyes, with no hair at all except for small patches throughout it's body and on its head.

        "Did I die and go to some twisted form of Heaven?" It asked.

        "N-" Twilight started to say.

        "Possibly not." It looked down at the large pool of blood before passing out.