Chapter 7 (1/2)

                                                         Chapter 7 - Split Ends

The next event of relevance occurred on Monday. Have you ever woken up and had morning breath so bad you could taste it? It sucks. So when it registered that my breath stank horrible, I got up and dragged myself through the house into the kitchen upstairs. On my way, I noticed that the table held no schedule for me to check. Odd… I thought, knowing that Twilight super obsessed with stuff like that and never fell behind. There, I rummaged through the cabinets for some herbs. I found basil and thyme. I crammed some of them in my mouth and took a glug of water. I didn’t swallow though, I just swished it around in between my teeth and around my tongue. I did it until it stung too much and I could feel it everywhere in my mouth. I went to the sink and spat it out. Minty… I thought.

I then took notice that the room was vacant. Ordinarily the purple ones would be awake before me, but no. I walked up the stairs to Twilight’s room and knocked. No response. There was, however, a snoring coming from the other side of the door. I smiled awkwardly. Is that Twilight? I wondered. I opened the door and saw that Twilight’s bed was empty. I also found that the snoring was coming from Spike, who was curled in a ball beneath his blanket. I walked over to him and nudged him with my foot.

“What!” He finally snapped.

“Where’s Twilight?” I asked. He blinked at me, and started to retreat beneath his blanket

“I dunno, maybe in the basement. How come?”

“Well, there’s no schedule and since neither of you are downstairs, I have no clue what’s up.”  His head popped back out from his blanket.

“No schedule? … Weird. She’s never not had a schedule around before… Go ask her about that will ya?” I nodded and left the room. As I walked down the stairs, snoring began to follow me from the open door. I smiled.

So, I looked around for the basement door and found it beneath the stair case to the upstairs. Odd, I never noticed that before. I walked down the stairs and found myself on a balcony overlooking a laboratory underground. It’s hard to describe how it looked. There was a staircase to mIt’s hard to describe how it looked. There was a staircase to my right that would lead down to where she was.

"Pardon me Twilight, but when is breakfast?" No response. I saw Twilight sitting by a wall reading a book. I drifted down the staircase and walked over to her. I looked over her head and tried to read the book for myself. She closed it promptly.

"Hello Herbert, do you need something?"

"No not really, you just didn't put up a schedule for me today so I really have no sense of direction."

"Oh that, I think I have a problem with my schedule, and I am not sure how to deal with it, but I am sure Ill figure it out later. Want to go for a walk? I need some time outside. This cramped room is getting to me." Cramped? You could stack thirty of me and not even touch the ceiling. And that isn't taking into account your height.

"Sure, I would love to stretch my legs. And I always like spending time with my friends outside.” n retrospect, I think I understand the motive behind that statement more clearly now. I was trying to keep toying with her: always with the manipulating. Somewhere between then and now I have changed, for the manipulation and suffering of others is no longer one of my priorities. I am not sure how I am different now, but I know something must have changed in my personality. I must look into this, but for now I will keep logging the events that have occurred prior to today. I wonder what day it is. Feels so long, and yet that may just be relative. No sun makes it hard... How do I even see the paper I am writing, there is obviously no source of light, and yet this cave remains well lit? Maybe I could come back some day and observe this. Assuming I ever make it out.

Twilight made no visible reaction to the comment, so I must assume that she is becoming numb to those little complements and now requires more pushing, is acknowledging my attempts to manipulate her and is guarding herself against me, or is simply responding in ways I can't perceive. I need to pay more attention to body language, maybe her tail flicking is something I can read.

We silently made our way up the staircase.

"Wait out front, I am telling Spike we are going for a walk."

“Oh, be sure to tell Spike why you don’t have a schedule. I mentioned it and he was curious.” She nodded and trotted up the stairs. I walked outside and leaned against the wall.

"Spike is coming.  Come now, I need to stretch my legs." And so we walked through Ponyville. I took the time again to observe the buildings, how easy it would be to burn the town to the ground, and other little things like that.

"So, what kind of relationships do you humans have with each other back in your world?"

"Complex. Everything is complex, though most people deny it. There are so many subtle things people do that can impact the way others feel about them. There is a science devoted to it, but I am sure you ponies have that."

"Science about relationships? No, we don't have anything like that. What is yours called?"

"Sociology, I believe. I am not that well learned in it though.” As we walked, a feeling of dread was beginning to build up. It felt like a weight on my shoulders. Something felt off. It was then that I realized Twilight had been talking to me. I only caught the tail portion of what she said.

"… something like that. Pinkie Pie, she has a sort of sixth sense. It tells her when random events are about to occur… Hey Spike, what does that cloud look like to you?" She pointed to a strange cloud, it looked like an off color."

"Looks like cotton candy!" He said.

"Oh Spike... wait... it does look like cotton candy. Herbert, do you see that?" I squinted my shitty eyes to look at it.

"Yes, I do. It’s probably just pollution of some sort. You said there are big cities with factories right?"

"Yes, but the worst pollution we have is in Detrot, and its only a couple miscarriages." A couple misscarriages? That is awful... Wait, no! Miscarriages are bad, Detrot is awful! The rainbow one flew overhead, and got caught in a cotton cloud.

"Look, there goes Rainbowdash, let’s ask her why the clouds are strange. She is heading to Sweet Apple Acres." We began walking at a jog.

"Why would Rainbowdash know why the clouds are pink?" I asked.

"She is the Weather Mare; any decisions about the weather are reported to her so she can carry them out. If this is supposed to happen, she would know." I said nothing else. We jogged along the road to the farm when I saw the freakiest thing ever.

"Twilight, I think there is a radiation leak somewhere around here..." I said, pointing to a fucking mutant rabbit. Its legs were like that of a giraffe.

"That... let’s pretend we never saw that." Well aren't you no fun, Twilight. We kept trekking along to the farm to find, for lack of a better term, chaos. The corn fields were popping like in a microwave, the apples were bringing the trees down, there was a mess of pink clouds in the air, and yeah, that is it. Twilight tried to do a spell to fix the shit, but it landed ass upwards. This white chick was there, along with the other ponies. Twilight came up with a pretty good idea for how to get the clouds together, and I am pretty sure Pinkie Pie contracted Diabetes that day. Contracted? Maybe the term is developed. Anyway, she looked kind of... sexy? I don't know, she was lying on her back and chocolate milk was showering on her and covering her entire body, dripping along her curves and I guess it kind of turned me on... I was still fucking naked... I am pretty sure it will be obvious to these ponies if they ever turn me on. Wow, as I am writing this, it has probably been days since I have jerked off. I am not doing it with Fluttershy in this cave, I have barely enough pride not to do that.

Anyway, Twilight got a letter saying we all had to come to Canterlot, for some reason I had to go but Spike didn't. Does Twilight really still not trust me to be alone? No, that can’t be it, she has left me alone with Spike before. I dunno.

Anyway, we got there and I met Celestia, a big chubby horse with wings and a horn. She talked a lot, got interrupted, talked some more, and then we met Discord. I kind of went into a trance after that point, his voice was just beautiful. When I came out of my zone, Twilight was pushing me with her head.

"Herbert, snap out of it. We need to go to the gardens."

"Huh? Is that where that guy is? I want to hear him talk some more." She cocked her head to the right.

"Are you feeling alright Herbert? You seemed a bit dizzy while he was talking. Did he do anything to you?"

"No, it is just... that voice is so wonderful..."

"You can be a fan filly later, right now we need to find the Elements of Harmony!"

"What are those?"

"I can tell you all about them when we get home, right now we need to get them and use them to save Equestria." Home... my home is a tree now... I feel really empty right now. I think I deflated a bit.

"Herbert, what’s wrong? You look a bit troubled."

"Oh it is nothing Twilight, I just realized how my life has changed... I just feel a little home sick I guess. Don't worry, it won’t get in between me and assisting you. What can I do to help?" In retrospect, it was very out of character for me to feel homesick. I wasn’t the type to have emotions of that sort.I was probably just having a mood swing.

"Just come with us to the garden, okay? We will look for the Elements together." I wonder what they look like. I am sure they will recognize them, which further solidifies the fact that I shouldn't be here. We walked out to the gardens, I just followed behind... I keep looking at these horses asses, I guess inevitably having a relationship with one won't be too hard if I am already getting turned on by them. We got to the entrance to the gardens and long story short, that guy came again but his voice wasn’t as enchanting. He basically mocked us and fucked with our heads before ditching us. We went into the garden and we all ended up getting split apart. Twilight yelled to us all that we need to meet up at the center of the garden, so I just started walking forward. I took only one turn, and it was to the left, so after a while I was certain I was nowhere near the center. I thought of trying to dig my way through the bushes, but I heard a lot of creepy laughter on the other side of it when I was getting ready to try, so I crossed that off my list. I began to take note of the different kinds of plants that grew on the sides of these path ways. One particular berry was dominant among the rest.

"Alistar Berries? But they usually grow near very dark and moist places..." I squinted my eyes and glared ahead until I could see a dark cave up ahead. Well I just know I'm going to get my shit fucked in here... I walked nonetheless, and slowly approached the dark cave. It seemed that the cave just got darker as one went in, so I tried to think of how I could give myself some light. Alistar berries, they grow in dark places for a reason... They give off light when broken, it is part of their defense mechanism! But they don't give off nearly enough alone for me to walk with. Maybe if I collected enough of them and smashed them onto a stick... I could use that as a torch. I set to gathering as many berries as I could. I also ripped a branch off the bushes. Once I had gathered ten of the brownish black berries, I began mashing them onto the end of the stick. It was emitting a glow that would provide me with enough light to see maybe five feet. And so I set into the cave.

As my feet fell against the gravely, muddy earth, I noted the sense of dread filling me. As I walked, I became paranoid of the very gravel beneath my feet. As my feet slipped through the muddiness and sank into the loose gravel with every step, I knew that running, to or from; any threats would be a challenge, as this terrain would undoubtedly slow me down.

After a few moments of struggling through the gravely ground, squinting to see in this dim light, I made out a figure in the shadows. It seemed like a human, but I dismissed that as impossible. My head then started to ache.

“Hello?” I called out while I approached. As I got closer, my dim light began to set on the figure. I grimaced. There was slimy slick skin; it shined in an eerie, disgusting way. It was a female human, or at least it appeared to be one. She was a tad shorter than me. Dark brown hair draped down over her shoulders like sickly seaweed. My footfalls stopped about five feet away from her, and I stared in shock and a mix of disgust. What am I looking at? Then she turned around. My lip curled in disgust, her figure was worse from the front. The way light gleamed off of her breasts… I know that sounds sexy when written, but if you heard me say it you would feel the disgust in my voice. It was like a light shining off of a snake egg. She had this narrow chin, with these pale cheeks and lips that were curled in a horrifying, smile. Her teeth showed, and honestly, they were probably the only pretty thing about her. They were bright white and shiny, very healthy.

“One Two Two One…” There was a pause, “Hel-lo Al-pha. One Two Two One.”