Chapter 2 (2/3)

I heard the door close behind Spike and assumed that this was one of the tasks and said.

"Ever think of knocking first, Spike?"

"Oh, I’m sorry Herbert."

"It's cool." The guy just stood there, looking at the list of stuff he held in his hand. He waved his hand at me. I waved back. He stuck his tongue out at me, and I gave a scowl. Made a silly face and I chuckled. Then, shit got real.

The little bitch walked over and slapped me on the cheek. He had three seconds to contemplate that poor life decision before I stood up and backhanded him, knocking him to the floor. I then walked away and grabbed a book from the shelf, then proceeded to walk out the door before I was stopped by what I assumed was magic.

"Just where do you think you’re going? You go help Spike up right now!"

"Hey, you wanted to know what humans do when slapped in the face, right? Well that depends on what kind of human it is. As for me, I grew up in Chicago, you don't fuck with kids in Chicago unless you're ready to back it up."

"Herbert, that wasn't a question. I don't care what kind of warrior rank you have back at home, you go help Spike up and you say you are sorry." She must care about this thing a lot if she is squaring up with me about it. Have I mentioned the height different between me and her? She went a bit past my belly button, and was plenty skinnier than me. I relented and walked over to help the poor kid up.

"here Spike, take my hand." He grabbed it and I pulled him up and made sure he was all good.

"Sorry for slapping you." He sniffed.

"Just don't do that shit again, Spike. I got slapped before and let it slide, and then things went downhill from there. Say, slapping isn't something that is commonly done in Pony World is it?"

"No, we don't slap you around, and I don't think I will try it any time soon."  Voiced Twilight. I should hope not. I suppose you're wondering why I haven't mentioned she was in the room. I actually didn't know where she was. I've come to accept the fact that she was probably invisible somewhere inside the room and I just couldn't see her.

"So, what is next?"

"I'll be studying your behavior for a long time, so expect to have me around you at all times. I'm going to place you in a room with a pony now and see how you and she get along."

"That's cool I guess." I heard clopping hooves and saw Spike floating away, probably being carried by magic. I noticed an odd thing; he seemed to be glowing a bit, like light was shining on him in an odd way. I dismissed it as a trick of the light, and watched as he flew out the door. A few moments later, a sky blue pony walked through the door. Upon closer examination, I came to find she was a pegasus. She had a rainbow colored mane. Her hair was a messy bed head, obviously not having had much time put into it at all.

"Let me guess, you are Rainbow Dash." I said, nonchalantly.

"Whoa! How did you know?" Her voice was an amusingly squeaky and rough like a girl trying to sound loud and deep at the same time.

"Spike mentioned you, said you were cool." She grinned, and I knew immediately that if I play on her pride I could get whatever I wanted from her.

"But you never even saw me before. How could you have known this was what I looked like?"

"Pinkie Pie is pink, Twilight is the color of Twilight, stands to reason a pony named Rainbow Dash would be colored like the rainbow."

"You know, now that I think of it, a lot of ponies names have to do with what their job is..." So I guess assassins aren't very common then, one would be able to tell them just from their name. What would my name be? I bet it would be something like Doctor Persona. That sounds cool.

"So, you are here now, what do you want?"

"Twilight said she had a possibly dangerous creature here that we weren't allowed to see because you might try hurting us. You hardly look dangerous to me." I knew this was an opportunity to make myself seem harmless enough to get let out unsupervised.

"I'm not. To be honest, humans aren't very dangerous when they're alone, like I am. Put us in a group of ten or twenty, and we can do a little damage. But when you get enough smart ones together, they can think of ways to destroy entire cities with only a few of us."

"What about you, are you a smart one?"

"Well that is hard to tell. All humans are born thinking they're the best, and they are born thinking the person they look up to is the best, so I can't really say if I am smart or not without sounding childish or instinctive."

"Ok, whatever. I thought you were going to be exciting and dangerous, but you are just boring right now."

"If I act dangerous, what do you think Twilight will do to me?"

"She will keep you caged in, I guess."

"Exactly, and I don't want to stay caged in. So here is my plan. I’ll show that I'm safe, I’ll try to become a citizen in this country, then I will get a job, then once I can afford to live on my own I'll move out of this library and get my own house. I'll make some friends here in Pony land and just keep living one day at a time." Oh if only it were that simple, I wouldn't be sitting here with a missing finger trying to write a journal while freezing to death. Oh well.

"Sounds like a good plan, but how long do you think it will take?"

"Probably a month to prove I'm safe, Twilight seems to have good expectations of me. Then I'll need to look for a job, I was studying to become a kind of doctor, so maybe there will be spots for that. After that, just serve a purpose here, though I highly doubt that the ponies are going to be accepting of me at first, I'm an alien creature here, so there might be some racism faced towards me."

"Oh I doubt that, there are all sorts of races that ponies don't know about. They come in to visit with pony friends. I had a griffon friend named Gilda. She was the first griffon anyone here had ever seen, and no one freaked out. You'll just be another newcomer I'm sure." That is comforting.

"Well thanks for the reinforcement Rainbowdash, maybe you will end up being one of those friends I have here on Ponyville."

We spent a short while talking about each other's lives when Twilight opened the door. She seemed slightly surprised to see us acting so casually.

"So, Rainbow Dash, how did your conversation with Herbert go?"

"His name is Herbert? That’s a weird name. He's cool I guess. He seems a little boring though, always so calm. Are all humans like that?"

"No, most humans are all very different from each other. Some are like me, and others are different.” Judging from RD's expression, that's what I'm calling her in my journal from now on, she didn't really want a response to that question.

"Yeah, ok. Twilight, I'm going to go hang with Pinkie Pie, she said she is going on a trip tomorrow and this is my last chance to say bye to her."

“Would you mind if Herbert and I go with you? We’re going to Fluttershy’s so I can introduce the two.”

“Yeah that’s cool. Pinkie is at the market and that’s on the way to Fluttershy’s so we can stick together till then.” Rainbowdash walked down the stairs ahead of us and opened the door. I closed it behind us and we got to walking. We talked a bit on the way, and I came to understand that Pinkie was at the market getting party supplies to throw a birth day party for one of her sisters. While we were talking, I was looking around at the tattoos on the ponies’ butts. One had one of those things with strings, not a violin; it’s like a miniature harp. Don’t know what it’s called. I stared at Rainbowdash’s tattoo for a good long time, it was rainbow colored lightning coming out of a cloud. Maybe her name should be Thunder Thighs. She’s athletic, so yeah that could be an alias for her if she ever needs to go under cover.

After a good bit of walking through the market place, we found Pinkie Pie.

“Hey guys! I’m going to miss you both so much!” She drew out the so while she wrapped her arms around all three of us. I’m surprised our necks didn’t break in the grip of her strong arms. I really don’t like how touchy she is.

“Pinkie Pie let me go!” I choked out, hardly able to breathe. She loosened her grip and I broke free.

“Hey Pinks,” RD’s talking here, “Just wanted to say bye before you head out to see your family.” Pinkie gave Rainbowdash another hug.

“Thanks Dashie. I can’t wait to be back, and I haven’t even left yet.” She said.

“Oh, and this is Herbert.” Rainbowdash introduced me to Pinkie, not knowing we already met. “Herbert ‘Daring’ Dashwood.” She added on. Pinkie looked at me and laughed.

“Good one.” She said. “You know, he was one of my favorite characters. Argyle sure was funny though.” She reminisced. I gaped.

“Buh- what?” I was astounded that this pink horse was talking about a human video game.

“Oh she’s just being Pinkie Pie.” Rainbowdash played it off. No that’s… no amount of randomness can explain that… I didn’t go too far with trying to understand her.

“Well, if you guys are going to Fluttershy’s I can tag along.  I’m dropping off gummy there.” She turned her head to reveal an alligator chomping on her tail. I got a concerned look.

“Is that safe?” I asked.

“Oh don’t worry, he would never hurt me.” She grabbed him and snuggled him close. “And besides,” She said, “he’s got not teeth!” She opened his mouth and I could see quite plainly that there were no teeth.

“Sorry Pinks.” Rainbowdash said. “I only have time to say goodbye, I need to get to work.” She stretched her wings wide, and then flew away.

“Bye Dashie!” Pinkie shouted after her. Then, her eyes were on us.

“So, are we going?” Twilight nodded and gestured with her head in the direction we were going while she said.

“So when are you leaving for your farm?” I asked, wanting to make some kind of conversation.

“Tomorrow evening.” She replied.

“Oh… So Pinkie, how did you even get Gummy?”

Pinkie related to us the story of how she performed as a jester at some buffalo war camp many years ago as a child, telling jokes and doing tricks and telling stories. Apparently, this alligator was the offspring of some extremely deadly alligator breed that lives for hundreds of years and grow super massive. This one was only ten years old.  It was given to her as a gift for doing something Pinkie never mentioned. She just said it was a ‘task of extreme importance.’

Her tale really helped pass time, as we got to the little cabin in the outskirts of a badass forest in the blink of an eye. Pinkie walked up and knocked on the door with a hoof. The door opened a crack, and out popped the eye of a yellow mare.