Chapters 2. Pie-related Catastrophe
Chapter 2: Pie-related Catastrophe
"...So let me get this straight," Thunderlane scratched his head, trying to piece together the story he just heard "after you broke a half-empty..."
"Half-full."
"... bottle of whiskey on his head... the four of you spent rest of the time, ehem, 'hunting'. Right?"
"That's the basic gist of it, yes."
His friends (minus Big Mac, who was out of town) tilted their heads in disbelief, yet none of them could work up the courage to doubt Soarin. Ever since they all settled in Ponyville, their usual morning routine started by meeting up at Sugarcube Corner (where they had large discounts, thanks to the Annual Pie Day) and sharing stories. Today was especially relaxing, with both a weather being set to be sunny without any clouds, and Pinkie Pie taking a day off (she mentioned something about going to spa).
"Took a while, but they got the hang of it. I'm not ashamed to admit, but that night I was the last lone pony standing!" he said, as he beamed brightly before his friends. This was the moment somepony (or rather, the same pony) to interrupt and insert some clever, sarcastic comment. The situation just begged for a stupid retort, something that Soarin always looked forward to during their get-togethers. But this time...
"Uhm..." he raised an eyebrow, as he pointed at Prince Blueblood, snoozing with his face on the table "... what's his deal?"
"He's just tired," answered Shining Armor "we spent almost entire night re-shelving and indexing, that's all." he shrugged.
A loud, tired growl came out of Prince Blueblood, as he tilted his head and looked with his bloodshot eyes at his number 1 assistant/bodyguard.
"Well, we did agree to this..."
"...then dragged me across the town..."
"...I warned you I'm strict when it comes to exercise..."
"...and made me run a lap around the entirety of Ponyville!"
Ever since their adventure in Everfree forest, both Shiny and Blue realized few things about themselves. One was tough, strong and knew exactly one useful spell, the other was smart, handsome and knew one high level spell and bunch of less ones, but apart from that, they were lacking severely. To avoid further dangers (which they both were sure would come eventually) and better prepare themselves for future, they agreed to teach each other. Each evening was spent on books, where Shining Armor learned the basics of magic he sorely lacked from Blueblood, who had more or less mastered the basics. The following morning the roles reversed and it was time for Prince to fear coach Shining Armor, who became a completely different pony. From a docile, lovable jock to a non-nonsense drill sergeant that could give Spitfire a run for her money.
"That doesn't sound too bad," admitted Doctor "Ponyville isn't that big."
"Including Sweet Apple Acres."
Immediately after hearing that, three stallions joined in a simultaneous hiss of terror and compassion. Thunderlane put a hoof on Prince's back, while Doctor gently patted his head. Nopony deserved that amount of pain, not even Prince Blueblood.
"Ok," Shining Armor coughed and looked away "in a hindsight, that wasn't the best idea I ever had."
"You think?"
And then they laughed, except Shining Armor (who was too embarrassed) and Prince Blueblood (who was too tired). They had to give Prince the credit though, he took all this torture training from hell like a real pro, not once whining or stopping. Not every pony could endure that amount of abuse. Soarin would, but he was growing up with Spitfire and he could survive Tartarus if there was a need. And after what happened in Everfree Forest, he wouldn't be surprised if they ever had to venture there for whatever reason.
Suddenly, the door to the Sugarcube Corner slammed open, effectively grabbing the attention of all its patrons and ending any laughter. All customers, along with Mrs. and Mr. Cake, cowered in fear, as a giant creature slowly walked inside. Two clients quickly left a few bits on the tables, rapidly chugged the rest of their coffees, grabbed whatever was left of their donuts and rushed toward the door, staying relatively away from the gaze of giant mass of flesh and muscles, which moved slowly towards the Element of Harmony. Even Prince Blueblood found enough energy to rapidly raise his head, cursing himself for being too tired to teleport away, with or without his friends. Shining Armor stood up and was about to stand on the way of the monster, but Soarin stopped him.
"I got this." said Soarin, getting up from his chair and slowly walking to the beast, alone, but confident.
They both stopped only few meters from each other. White mass of flesh towered over smaller, blue pegasi, who showed no fear and bravely stood still before it. Their eyes met and locked into each other, but they did not move. Soarin's friends held their breaths, with Shiny and Thunderlane ready to jump into action at any moment. Mr Cake fainted in the background, unable to withstand the tension.
"Ooooh," Soarin frowned and flew high enough to pat giants head “It didn't work out?"
"Y-YE-YEAAAAHH!!" it nodded, wiping his tears with a hoof.
"You did everything I told you?" he asked, as the giant nodded "Did something happen?"
"I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT WENT WRO-OOONG!"he threw himself on Soarin's shoulder, crying like a baby. Soarin barely held himself in midair, flapping his wings rapidly just to land softly, without getting crushed by a giant mass of muscles. But as painful and heavy as his new friend was, he wasn't the type of pony to shrug him of.
"Oh, my poor little baby!" Soarin gently patted crying giant.
Soarin's friends looked around each other.
"Little?" added Thunderlane.
"Baby?" finished Doctor, as all three shrugged. Blueblood tried to replace Big Mac and confirm with a single word, but he was too tired to care.
"Come on, Bulk," Soarin led the giant, apparently named Bulk, to the table, the he put him on one of the chair. Unfortunately, the chair collapsed under the giant pony, but nopony cared or noticed a difference.
"W-what..." she looked between Soarin and her unconscious husband, confused.
"No time to waste, we have a PIE EMERGENCY! This pony needs a pie! With double, no- TRIPLE the cream and lots of sprinkles. In fact, all of them. Get all the sprinkles!"
"But..."
"No time for buts, nurs--I mean, Mrs Cake!" he looked at Bulk again. His lips were shaking again, signaling another wave of liquid sadness "We're running out of time! He needs a pie, RIGHT! NOW!"
"Y-yes sir!" she saluted and rushed behind her counter. Few seconds later, a big pie of unknown taste landed on the table, covered in whipped cream higher than itself, covered by all the sprinkles this store had to offer, essentially looking like a miniature, multicolored mountain. This sugary abomination would later become 'Bulky Surprise', a specialty of Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie's midday snack and nightmare to every dentist in Equestria (especially the one in Ponyville).
"So," asked Soarin, as he wiped some cream of his wings "you feel better?"
"Y-yeah." Bulk nodded lightly, making a giant drop of cream fall of his chin.
"Listen, Bulk," he touched his shoulder. Original plan was putting a hoof over his shoulder, but that proved impossible "you are a fantastic stallion, that is a fact. But nopony is perfect and everypony makes mistakes sometimes."
Bulk sniffed "Even you?"
Soarin stopped. He reached into his memory, for those two mares. One he always desired but would never get, the other he got easily but...
"B-but what if nopony will like me?"
"Don't be crazy, who wouldn't like an amazing stud like you, huh?"
As this weird therapy session was going on, four other stallions helped themselves to some towels and water and cleaned themselves of the mess, while Mrs Cake tried once again to revive her husband.
"So, you ready to try again tonight?" asked Soarin.
"Yeah." Bulk answered, nodding.
"Ugh," Soarin groaned and facehooved "you call that enthusiasm? Say it like you mean it!"
"Yeah!"
"Louder!"
"Yeah!"
"Louder!"
"YEAH!"
"Loooouuudeeeer!"
Bulk Biceps took a deep breath...
"Well, one thing's for certain," said Doctor, examining the lone chair leg covered in frosting "running around Ponyville, Sweet Apple Acres included, first thing in the morning turned out to NOT be the worst idea we had. Today."
Five elements of harmony, bulky pegasi with big biceps, along with Mrs and Mr Cake, finally back to the land of living, looked at the Sugarcube Corner... or what was left of it. There were several table overturned but whole, which couldn’t be said about the rest. Few windows were left intact while the rest were shattered. Cakes, pies, donuts and lots of sprinkles were chaotically spread around the entire building, as if it was hit by a runaway hurricane from Everfree Forest.
"Umm... sorry!" Bulk shrugged, smiling innocently.
"I... I'll pay for the damage, I promise!" Soarin plead to Mrs and Mr Cake, who much to their surprise, didn't seem all too bothered by any of it.
"Don't worry, insurance will cover it." she reassured them, hoofwaving.
"I knew signing up for 'Pie related catastrophes' was a good call." added Mr Cake happily.
Shining Armor raised an eyebrow.
"Can I FINALLY go back home and die peacefully, please?" asked Prince Blueblood, still barely standing on his hooves and on verge of passing out here and there. Which all things considered, was not a bad idea, since Shining Armor would drag him home anyway.
"Yes, I think we all had today’s dose of 'doozy'," admitted Doctor.
"I doubt anything could top that."added Thunderlane, blissfully unaware.
As he finished the sentence, the doors slammed open again, startling everypony inside, but this time, it was not Bulk Biceps who entered . Instead, a dark, pony shaped figure jumped in, except it was made out of putrid brown slime, leaking on the floor and leaving dirty trails where it stood. Its face was very much pony looking, but completely pale and scaly, contrasting with the rest of the creatures body and giving it a very eerie feeling. The worst however, were the eyes- perfectly round, but also perfectly blank. It wasn't staring at their souls, it was actively drowning them inside of it's own soul.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
...screamed like little fillies and jumped out of the building through windows, breaking anything that was still intact, with Bulk Biceps following shortly after. Mr Cake fainted again, much to his wife's chagrin, though she herself jumped behind the counter.
"M-Miss Pie?" he asked slowly, as another eye fell out of its sockets, but the creature caught it with her tongue, then ate it.
"Call me Pinkie!" she happily replied "Hi Bluie!"
Prince opened his mouth a few times, but failed to say anything for a while. The sound of crash could be heard- it was a giant boulder that fell from his heart.
"Oh, I was just having a nice relaxing day at spa with Fluttershy and Rarity, they always do this and that one time I was like 'but this is boooring' and Flutters was like 'but it's really nice, you should try it' and Rarity was like 'indeed darling, it does wonders to your coat' so I was all 'okay' and they invited me and at first I was all 'meh, nothing is going on' but then there was this hot room and it felt good, then Aloe massaged my back, it was like being a dough before becoming a cake and I like cake so I felt weird because I'm a baker but now I feel like dough which made me think about my work and I realized that this is all a metaphor for life, how everypony is both a dough and a baker because we are raised by many ponies but we also raise other ponies, sometimes by kneading them with our own hooves, although that would be like hitting ponies and it hurts so are we hurting the dough and cakes are made out of our inner violence and one day I'll grow mad from revelation and start using ponies for making cupcake because of some flimsy philosophy... but I got to a mud bath and it calmed me down, so whatever. And as I was there, my nose was twitcha-twiching, my eyes were batting and I sneezed, which usually means PIE EMERGENCY! So I ran out as fast as I could and then I entered here and I couldn't see anything because I had cucumbers on my face." she stopped to take a breath and finally noticed the mess.
Blueblood blinked. That was Pinkie Pie, alright.
"Was there a 'Pie-related catastrophe while I was gone?"
He chuckled.
"Okie dokie lokie!" she smiled brightly "And call me Pinkie!"
Author's Note
Two chapters in and I still didn't introduce the main conflict @_@ Hopefully you'll enjoy this enough to keep waiting for more.
3. Hunters stick together!
Chapter 3: Hunters stick together
"You should have seen them! Few more nights and the three of them would become..."
"Wait, let me guess," Thunderlane coughed few times, then smiled smugly to invoke his best Soarin impression "they would become legen--..." he held a hoof in the air in silence for a moment in silence, then finished "...-dary!"
Soarin opened his mouth, thought for a moment and finally replied.
It was a day like any other. A group of stallions (still missing Big Mac), together in the morning, sharing stories over breakfast. There were two differences this time. First of all, this wasn't Sugarcube Corner, due to them being closed to renovations (it turns out that 'Pie-related catastrophe' really WAS covered by insurance). Instead, they had to have their morning coffee/tea at the small restauran. They didn't even bother to remember the name, but it was the same one where Prince stopped for mediocre tea on his first visit.
"It's like the old days," admitted Soarin, in between sipping his tea "when 'hunting' was actually a challenge and every victory felt like I was the king of the world."
"You did mentioned you like to make ponies happy," said Doctor, adding yet another layer of butter to his muffins, much to everyponies horror "that's one original way of doing it."
Then, Soarin had an epiphany.
"You want to gather all the.... 'hunters' in one place?" asked Blueblood, once again questioning Soarin's sanity and brain power.
"Exactly! We could gather up, chat, exchange advice, go on group hunts, once in a while org--..." he tried to finish that sentence, but was interrupted by Shining Armor's slam to the table.
"Do you mind not talking about these things in bright daylight?" asked flustered Shiny.
"Why? What's wrong with organizing a party once in a while?" asked Soarin, making a red-faced Shining Armor even more so. Orgies later, he thought, first he needed to help graduate Private Shining Virgin Armor (it was that obvious) into stallionhood (note to self, don't say that out loud).
They rolled their eyes. Due to recent events, like settling in Ponyville and losing his job, Soarin never managed to organize the mass hunt he mentioned back in the Everfree Forest, mostly because he promised to get Spitfire to join, which never happened. Since then he invited them for small-time hunts on many occasions, but so far he had no luck. They always had the same excuses.
"I don't think I should indulge myself in the night life. This could backfire, badly!" said Doctor, though nopony was sure what that meant..
"I'm still dating Blossom... I think." explained Thunderlane, whose relationship was always under big question mark, even though everypony claimed that this was their way of expressing love for each other.
"N-no, thanks but no thanks..." Shining Armor always had the weakest excuses, if he even had any to begin with. Soarin's agenda included hooking him up with at least one of his secret admirers. He could count at least several mares that would love to get a taste of that Shining Sword (another note to self- never, ever say that out loud. Ever!).
"You know, I might actually take you up on that offer," Prince Blueblood always had some elaborate explanation, about not needing any help when it came to dating "it has been a while since time. I'm thinking of getting back into the game." while Soarin didn't doubt his friends skills and charm, he would much rather he showed that side of himself once in a whi--...
"Wait, you what now?" Soarin, along with others, gasped loudly at the most surprising proclamation they heard from Prince Blueblood since that day they gained their elements.
"I said I would gladly join your group, Soarin," Prince confirmed, smiling brightly, then taking a sip from his tea. Turns out these teabags were actually bearable, so long as you don't let them sink in for too long "I did promise that I would think about your offer, so I did. And my answer is yes!"
As expected, Soarin's smile grew tenfold, as he got up from his seat and started bouncing around their table, Pinkie Pie Style, while chanting 'yes, yes, yes' over again.
"Of course you could," answered Prince, smiling brightly "you keep on saying it, after all. We hunters gotta stick together."
"Yes, exactly!" he nodded obliviously.
"For example, if I was to be attacked by some weird mud monster..."
Massive group groan interrupted Prince from saying anything, as his friends either facehooved or slammed their faces into the table.
"All this buildup," said Doctor, nodding "I'm as impressed by that punchline as I am ashamed of myself yesterday."
"You're still bitter over that?" asked Shining Armor, whose shame levels reached highest of them all, considering his job was to protect Prince Blueblood from any danger. He was also responsible for his exhaustion in the first place.
"No, I'm not bitter anymore," Prince answered, adding a spoonful of sugar to his cup "Not really," and another "maybe just a bit," and another "only slightly irritated," and another "mildly annoyed," and another "or rather sad," and another "betrayed... left to die... alone... by my first true friends..."
"Oh come on, that was just Pinkie Pie!"
"And bless the sun for that!" he stirred his tea with spoon, which barely budged in between all this sugar "But look at the bright side," he put the spoon away on the table and lifted the cup with his magic "if it wasn't, I wouldn't be any more bitter than I am now," upon taking a sip of his tea, he gagged and coughed a few times, before putting the cup back on the table "...because I'd be dead!" he finished, glaring at his friends. Moment later he picked up a slice of lemon with his magic, dropped it into his tea, stirred again and took one more sip.
"You call that a bright side?" asked Thunderlane, but was mostly ignored.
"We already said we're sorry!" Shining Armor groaned and rolled his eyes. Prince nodded nonchalantly, still pouting and averting his eyes from his friends. He already forgave them and didn't bear any ill will towards any of them, but that didn't stop him from overacting , if only because he had a legitimate reason for once.
"Maybe 'Hunter Association' cares about their members a bit more. Just saying." he shrugged, feigning irritation.
The rest of their morning hangout ended relatively shortly after, without anypony saying too much, now that everypony was too ashamed of yesterdays performance. They said their goodbyes and went back to their homes, except Shining Armor, who had to go grocery shopping and Soarin, who for some reason followed Blueblood. Few steps in Blueblood stopped on his tracks, rolled his eyes and turned back to Soarin.
"Your house is that way." he pointed at the separate direction.
Soarin took a deep breath and decided to take the responsibility in his own hooves. Even if everything ended up okay yesterday and it was kinda funny (in a 'when you tell that to your grandfoals' way), feelings were hurt. That was a 'no-no' in his book and he had no intention of leaving it that way. He slowly walked towards Prince and gently put a wing over his shoulder. Blue twitched only slightly, already getting used to directness of his winged friend.
"Look, I'm not gonna beat down the bush, I blew it!" he calmly said, his face adjacent to Blue.
"Too close!"
"Scared or not, it's not cool to leave your best friends, especially since we promised to never do that!"
"I'm not mad anymore!"
"Even if it was just a misunderstanding. I promise you, that next time a mud monster appears before us, we'll stand by your side like we did back then in Everfree!"
"Go away!"
"Mud monsters sound kinda weird, but we met a giant, pony eating cabbage once, so I wouldn't be surprised if they really existed!"
"You're not even listening anymore, are you?"
"So from now on, I promise to always be there when you'll need me, just say a word and Soarin will appear... well, I'll try to, at least." as Soarin kept on talking, Prince Blueblood contemplated testing out some spells he recently learned. He wondered if 'Apples to Oranges' spell worked on ponies and if there was a counterspell. Was it worth a try? Decisions.
"SLIMY, SLEAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING FREELOADER SON OF A !@#$!!" screamed some other voice in the distance.
Short pause. Blueblood blinked "You don't have to go THAT far!"
On his first day in Ponyville, Soarin had little time to socialize with residents of the town. He made some friends at his short break and among them was a pegasi couple, Flitter and Cloudchaser. Their first meeting was just like any other hunt- activate 'The Charm', quick threesome, leave on good terms, never meet again and remain a pleasant memory. Fate was a weird mistress that day and he ended up venturing into the heart of Everfree Forest, saving the day (literally) and losing his job as a Wonderbolt in the process. That's where girls entered his life again, looking for a new roommate for their big house while he searched for a place to stay.
Cloudchaser was the one he interacted with the most, as both were currently unemployed. 'Chasey' was the tomboy of the couple, whom he would've treated like any other guy, if she wasn't also a totally hot bombshell. Whenever he wasn't hanging out with other Elements of Harmony, he was usually with her, getting along perfectly. Heck, she was his number one wingpony, especially when Flitter was working night shifts and Chasey was bored out of her skull.
Flitter wasn't home as much, so he didn't know her nearly enough. She was the girly one, but with a serious attitude, that he had to watch out for on occasion. She seemed to tolerate him only on a basis of paying the rent. It was hard to blame her- before he came along, she was pretty much the only source of any income and rent was fairly high. She refused to move out, as this was a house she grew up in. On a good day, she was a wonderful, cheerful mare, a joy to be around. On a bad day...
"LEMME AT HIM!" shouted Flitter, as she tried to crawl in Soarin's direction. The only thing that stopped her, was her fillyfriend, holding her by the waist and trying to pin her down to earth, but ultimately fighting a losing battle.
"Flitty, please calm down!" she cried, struggling to keep her under control.
"Not until I get that son of a @#$!"
Two stallions, along with some passerby’s, focused all their attention at two mares, one visibly ready to blow up, other trying to defuse the ticking bomb, or die trying. All the confidence and cheer he was soaked in until this moment, were totally gone, as Soarin was now covered in cold sweat. And worst of all, he had no idea what he did.
"F-Flitter, what's going on?" he got away from Prince and carefully approached his roommates. It was then that Cloudchaser couldn't hold her fillyfriend anymore and fell on the ground, while Flitter charged at Soarin. The stallion yelped in panic and covered his face from the incoming strike... but nothing happened. He slowly opened his eyes to see a very close shot of his roommates face, but not in a good way he was used to. Any traces of happy, cheerful pony he grew to love last few weeks was gone, instead showing only fury and barely held inside emotions. Her hooves were trembling, as if only her strong will kept her from mutilating the stallion in front of her.
"Umm..." Soarin started, feeling more intimidated than ever in his entire life. At least Nightmare Moon had a CLEAR reason to want him dead. The uncertainty scared him the most "... what..."
"What's going on." said calmly Flitter, repeating Soarin's earlier question "What's going on?" her voice raised a few levels "WHAT'S GOING ON!?" she poked his chest with a hoof "Oh, I'll show you what's going on!" she produced an envelope and slammed into his hooves with enough power to knock him down on his back.
"W-what is this?"
"Read it!"
He gulped, opened the envelope and took out the document inside. Blueblood stood behind his back and read it with him. The giant title "Notice" on top made his heart about three times faster.
"Read the rest." she ordered, patiently waiting with crossed hooves.
Soarin got back to the document and read further. All of it was just bureaucratic jargon that he barely made a sense of, but two more things were clear. The amount was exactly the same as his share of the rent and there was one dreadful word that made his heart stop.
"THAT'S what's going on!" confirmed Flitter.
"B-but... but I paid you just a week ago! I gave you a check myself!" he turned to his other, calmer roommate "Cloudchaser, you were there!"
"Yes, about that..." Flitter took a deep breath and coughed "When I got this in today’s mail, I thought it was some misunderstanding. So I went to the town hall first, bugged a bunch of ponies about it and yes, it turns out that your check was worth less than paper it was printed on!"
"W-wha..."
"But I didn’t stop there!" Flitter continued, raising her voice even higher "Oh no! I went to the bank to confirm it and lo and behold, yes, your account was empty! Nothing! Not a single, frickin' bit!" she walked closer to Soarin, who still sat where he was, terrified for his life. Cloudchaser didn't leave her fillyfriend's side, ready to grab her at any time.
Soarin breathed heavily and tried to register what he was just told. And now that he carefully thought about it, it was starting to make sense. He was fired in the middle of the work month, which meant that his pay was cut. He had a lot of savings on his account prior to this, but last few weeks he wasn't exactly saving up. Bars, drinks, motel rooms, restaurants- all of it has slowly but surely drained all his money. He was having so much fun, that the thought of bankruptcy or finding a new job never even crossed his mind.
"I don't care who you are and what you do," Flitter continued "but we had an agreement and THIS..." she pointed at the document "this is you breaking it! THIS is me losing a home I lived in for my entire life! What do you have to say for yourself?"
He had nothing. For once, he couldn't gather a single word that could fix the situation. The look on Flitters face was not only that of an anger, but worse- fear. He was well aware of their financial situation and how hard it was to pay for her home and livelihood of not just herself, but also Cloudchaser, who couldn't find any permanent work and only occasionally brought any bits from odd jobs and seasonal part time jobs, none of which was too common in Ponyville to begin with. He was supposed to be their last hope and he blew it in worst, laziest possible way. A single sorry not only wouldn't help, but would probably make her feel even worse. There was nothing he could do.
"Here you go."
A small object, covered in a familiar, blue aura, levitated in between Soarin and Flitter, successfully breaking their eye contact. It was a small piece of paper, a check with royal seal on it.
Soarin opened his mouth, but took a few seconds to speak.
"Which is why I'm giving it to her, not you!"
Flitter gasped and was extended her wing to grab it, but stopped herself in the middle and turned to Prince suspiciously.
"The catch is that he," Blue pointed at dumbfounded Soarin "will have to pay me back the full amount whenever I say so."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
Flitter turned back to the check and gazed at it for a moment. Finally, she sighed and reached her wing for it.
Cloudchaser looked at her fillyfriend and was about to follow, but before that, she slowly walked to Soarin.
"No, she's right," he replied, but couldn't look her in the eyes "I messed up and it's only my fault. She has all the rights to be mad."
Whenever Soarin mentioned how awesome his roommates are, this is what he meant. She was a few hooves away from becoming homeless thanks to him, yet still managed to show so much empathy.
"Okay, if you say so. I'll better go talk to Flitter and calm her down a little. I know it might sound a little harsh, but..." she scratched her head and averted her eyes "...could you spend this night away from home? You know..."
"Yeah, sure." he nodded, sighing. Considering what just happened, it was a good call to avoid Flitter for the time being, just in case.
Cloudchaser nodded back and walked away. As she passed Prince Blueblood, she muttered a quiet 'thank you', to which Prince nodded, then she flew away. As soon as she was gone, Soarin walked towards Blueblood.
"Don't mention it," Prince hoofwaved "after all, I wasn't kidding when I said that I would join your club. And as you keep on saying, we hunters gotta stick toget--" he didn't finish the sentence, because he was interrupted by Soarin suddenly hugging him with enough force to make him step back. As often as his clingy pegasi friend did it and as annoying as he could be, this time, for once, he couldn't force himself to be bothered.
Author's Note
Finally, a plot appeared! Next time, a different kind of hunt ;)
4. Different kind of hunt
Chapter 4: Different kind of hunt
"Done and done!" Soarin happily announced, as he put the quill away.
Times like these he really envied unicorns for the ability to write with their magic, as he was getting wing-cramps from writing just one page. Technically one hundred pages or so, though all of them now resided in trash can, aside from those crumbled all around the Golden Oaks library. It wasn't the first time he had to write a resume, yet it never got easier over time, for some reason. Especially now that he had to add another item to an already impressive list.
"Well, I never expected this!" said Prince Blueblood, reading through a long list of personal experience. They tilted their heads as they read along.
"Well, I had to do something in between training for Wonderbolts auditions." Soarin shrugged. He did mentioned it took him several tries to get in and it wasn't unreasonable to suggest that he worked somewhere before, but seeing a list of around several dozen positions made them feel a bit uneasy.
"Let's see here," Shiny started checking them out "waiter, bartender, bartender (different bar), courier, courier (different company), weather patrol assistant, cleanup crew, courier (different company), waiter (different restaurant), construction assistant, mailpony, lifeguard... geez, that's quite a range!" he announced, still in he middle of the list.
"What can I say?" Soarin shrugged "Guy's gotta live a little."
"I'm afraid to ask," Blue started "how long did any of them lasted?"
Soarin scratched his head and smiled sheepishly.
Blue deadpanned "You couldn't keep any of them?"
"Weeeeeeell..." Soarin blushed "some of them were only seasonal and the other..."
"Fine, whatever." Blueblood hoofwaved. If there was a question he didn't need answered, it was one of them. Shining Armor kept on reading.
"...let's see what else is there... supermarket cashier..." his eyebrows rose as he read the next one "a fashion model?"
"Technically, that was a part of Wonderbolts contract. Not that I minded."
"I see. Hmm... what exactly is a 'nightclub entertainer'?"
At the sound of it, Soarin's eyes widened. He swallowed, while giant beads of sweat covered his body, not unlike what he felt like during his earlier conversation with Flitter. Blue and Shiny tilted their heads as Soarin's blank stare reached the floor.
Hoofstomps sounded everywhere in the dimly lit large room, where the only source of light was a giant spotlight, now pointing at the curtains in the back of a long catwalk. The audience was starting to get impatient and hushed murmurs could be heard around.
"I... I changed my mind! I can't, I just..."
"Soarin, my sweetheart," the businesspony patted his back "you don't think of letting me down, huh?"
"B-but..."
"Yeah, chap," said another, fast talking high pitched male voice "ya dun'wanna break da deal, dont'cha? That woulda made da boss unhappy."
"Shut up, Choco! Think of it this way: if you go, I will be happy! If you don't," short pause "I won't. And when something doesn't make me happy, I let Choco take care of it. So the question is, who do you want to make happy? Me... or Choco?"
Soarin gulped and took a peek at the small earth pony, playing around with a switchblade, smiling widely. Reluctantly, he sighed and went towards the stage.
"Good boy." the businesspony smiled. Choco groaned, disappointed.
"NOW, THE MOMENT YOU ALL BEEN WAITING FOR! WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO THE BIIIIIIIIG-S!"
The curtain unfolded, revealing a crowd full of mares, stomping and squealing in delight, as a ripe, well built pegasi with unlimited charm entered the stage, dressed only in a parody of Wonderbolt's uniform, though a few sizes too small and tight. He forced a million bits smile on his face, knowing that only two ponies won't be happy tonight. One was Choco.
"...never again, never again, never again..." Soarin chanted repeatedly, sitting down on the floor, hooves covering his head. His friends watched in terror, too afraid to come even one step closer.
"You know," Shining Armor started "on second thought, I don't want to know!"
"Why did you even write this... argh, never mind!" Prince Blueblood facehooved and crossed out said entry.
One rewrite and a relaxing cup of hot chocolate later, Soarin was ready to go, happily packing a bunch of copies of his resume into saddlebags. Leaving the past behind, Soarin, along with his two friends, crossed the entrance and went out into Ponyville brimming with confidence.
Prince Blueblood stopped and turned Shining Armor, who was following him.
"Uhm, help Soarin find a job?"
"And who will clean up this mess?" asked Prince, pointing behind Shining. The library was covered in scrambled paper, quills, ink stains, overturned books and one empty mug that once had hot chocolate in it. Shining Armor was about to interject, but Blue beat him to it "Also, it's still opening hours, somepony has to watch over the library."
"But..."
"No buts and get back to work! And it'd better be spotless when we come back!" that said he magically closed the door behind him. He waited for a moment to make sure that Shining Armor wasn't going to open the door regardless to follow. When he made sure his little servant/friend/slave was obedient, he smiled and followed Soarin along.
"Aren't you a little too harsh on him?" asked Soarin.
Blueblood chuckled "You know what's harsh? Being left to die by your very own friends!" he giggled maniacally "...It's a little payback for yesterday. Besides, what's the point of having an assistant if you can't order him around once in a while? I'll apologize later, now let him suffer!"
Soarin rolled his eyes and smiled. If they weren't friends, he would object to that, but it reminded him too much of his happy bonding time with Spitfire to be sure of their good intentions.
Shining Armor had an urge to open the door and give Blueblood a piece of his mind... but stopped himself when he realized that he did have a good point. He was still a servant, hoofpicked by Princess Celestia herself to be an assistant to her nephew. He could rant about their friendship all he wanted, but making this place presentable was indeed in his job description these days. He first grabbed a random, overturned book lying on the ground and scanned the title. "History of Conjuration, years 136 - 320". He carefully put the book back on a shelf, making sure it was properly placed right there with the rest of the set.
"Alright, let's do this!" full of motivation, he started his work.
Not counting his half hour lunch break, Shining Armor took almost entire day organizing and cleaning the library. It shouldn't have taken this long, but he used this opportunity to practice some more advanced telekinesis techniques and tried to arrange five books at once, all into different corners of the room. Whenever Twilight or Blue did that, it looked so easy, but after few failed attempts Shiny was already getting headaches and had to go back to the old fashioned way, one book at a time.
"Oh hey, how did..." he paused, as Soarin completely ignored Shining, grabbed a blanket with his teeth, walked on the couch and curled himself in the blanket in fetal position "...it go?"
Prince Blueblood entered the room right after him. Shiny looked at him and just from the look of his face, this wasn't a happy experience.
Prince hesitated before answering "Well, to be fair," he stopped to think of a good way to say it "there wasn't really anything to be had. The message board at the Town Hall was pretty much empty and a list of community workers was already full for months in advance. We tried asking around, but so far nothing."
The two librarians exchanged a look, then watched Soarin, as he shuffled under the blanket and mumbled something incoherent, though it sounded a lot like a whine of despair.
"Nope, sorry sugarcube," Applejack shook her head "as much as Ah'd love ta help ya, there ain't no way."
Prince hummed. He took a look at the hundreds of trees around, each growing at least a hundreds of apples by itself. And there was even more behind the hills.
"Really? All these apples are harvested by two ponies?" he asked, suspicious, while Soarin waited on the side, letting Prince do the talking. He inspected one of the trees and experimented trying to buck them, but something went wrong and only few apples ever fell of, no matter how hard he tried. Even if he wasn't anywhere near Big Mac's or Applejack's level, he was still a seasoned flier after rigorous training. There was a trick to it, he just didn't find it yet.
"Eyup! Jus' like every year since Ah got mah cutie mark, it's been only me an' Mac. Jus' give us two or three weeks and we'll be done, lickety split!"
"And the profits from that work are...?"
"Jus' enough every year to pay da bills, get new tools, fix da fence, buy da food, get Applebloom new school books, raise a new barn..."
"New barn?"
"Don' ask. Anyway, da point is, we're barely makin' enough for ourselves. Not ta mention, there's always a risk of some disaster or plague destroyin' our harvest, so we gotta 'ave some emergency funds. We can't afford to hire any extra help 'round."
Prince hummed again. She was definitely not lying, but he couldn't quite shake the feeling that something was off. He knew full well how ridiculous Big Mac's strenght was and if AJ was even half his level, harvesting wouldn't be such a big deal. Obviously, he knew little of commoners and their way of life, but to think that all these apples were barely enough to tend a single family of four ponies, it sounded unreal.
Applejack huffed and her eyes narrowed. Apparently, some feelings ended up hurt anyway.
Blueblood groaned and rolled his eyes, but before he could go on to explain himself and inform her that Fancy Pants is an actual pony in Canterlot, they were interrupted by a sudden crash. They did noted that Soarin was a bit too quiet and now they found out why, as the light blue pegasus tried to crawl out of a giant pile of apples.
"What in tarnation?" asked Applejack, as they approached the pile.
"I..." Soarin raised his head to look at confused Blueblood and Applejack "...found... the trick!"
And then he passed out.
After one short visit at the hospital, they reached their next destination. To think that just yesterday it was in ruins, Sugarcube Corner was already all renovated and crowded more than usual. Mostly because Cakes couldn't find a way to stop Pinkie from throwing a "We are back and better than ever" party, which at least attracted more custumers in the middle of the afternoon.
"Sorry, but we're not looking for any new workers," explained Mrs Cake, in the middle of serving another batch of cookies on a table "but if it's any consolation, enjoy the party!"
Soarin sighed deeply. Another one down, but at least he got some treats on the go for free. A single muffin wasn't able to solve his problems, but at least it couldn't make them worse... unless it gave him cavities later. He shook out of the morbid thoughts and took a bite to try and stay positive.
"Hi Bluie! Hi Soarin!" like any other day, Pinkie Pie was attending her guests with unpony speed, masterfully balancing a tray of treats on her back "Hope you're having fun! Have a fortune cookie!"
"Thanks, Pinkie." Soarin grabbed one.
"Much appreciated, Miss Pie." Blueblood levitated one for himself.
"You're welcome!" and she disappeared in the middle of the crowd. Blueblood rose an eyebrow, as she left without saying a word. He expected a different reaction.
"Mine says 'Too bad, keep on trying'." announced Soarin, reading his fortune from a cookie. Blueblood hummed and crushed his cookie to read his as well. His jaw dropped.
It said 'Call me Pinkie!'
His eye twitched as he watched the piece of paper, dumfounded.
"Are you sure you can't hire anypony more?" asked Soarin.
"B3," announced Rainbow Dash, not even bothering to get her head from the desk "this is a government funded institution, it doesn't work like that."
"Missed," answered Thunderlane, yawning, as he sat on the other side of the table "we can't hire ponies on our own. The ministry just sends us a proper candidate whenever there's a need to refill the ranks. A5."
"Missed," replied Rainbow Dash "I only get to pick from a short list of approved candidates. But other than that? Nope. E2."
"Missed."
"And the next recruitment drive will be in...?" asked Blueblood.
Rainbow Dash chuckled and rolled her eyes.
"IF you become a Wonderbolt!" teased Thunderlane, smugly smiling at his manager "Oh, and A6."
"Hey, if he could, than I might as well get a uniform already... No offense. Missed."
Thunderlane shot Rainbow Dash a glare, to which she just shrugged. Everypony knew why he was fired, what's the point in hiding it? 'Subtlety doesn't make you a winner' , so claimed Spitfire herself in one of many interviews.
“No, it's okay,” Soarin sighed deeply and fell heavily on the couch “That's true.”
He took a better look at the office room. They weren't kidding whenever they said that this branch was tiny, as this room was probably smaller than his current bedroom (though he had to note that Flitter's house was rather huge itself), barely fitting a desk, currently occupied by Rainbow Dash and Thunderlane, playing Battleclouds in between a mess of notes and documents. He sat right next to them on a small couch, looking at the wall full of maps and diagrams, including one for this weeks weather, which was all sunny and cloudless. Each shift only had two ponies working at the same time, just in case of an emergency which never came. No wonder he wasn't needed, they barely had work for themselves here.
“Look, we'd be more than happy to hire you and I bet you'd be very high on the list, but there just isn't a way. I mean, this branch was originally made for just four ponies, but we made a petition to create a new workplace so we could hire Cloud Kicker permanently. We had enough trouble pulling that one of, I don't think they'll ever agree to it again.”
In response, Soarin just nodded, only occasionally sighing and looking more miserable every minute. Thunderlane scratched his head before saying the next thing, his last resort.
“How about Horsefield?” he asked. Soarin's ears perked.
“Horsefield?”
Horsefield was a so called 'big sister city' to Ponyville, founded at about the same time, but unlike farming town of Ponyville, it was a lively, industrial city full of various companies and factories. It wasn't nearly as big as Manehattan, but it was on its way. A lot of his new friends from Nirvana, including his new pupils, were living there.
“I mean, it's not uncommon for citizens of Ponyville to look for work in Horsefield, especially in the paper factory. It's about an hour flight away from here, the pay isn't great and it's not very gratifying, but it's better than nothing. I worked there for few months before my predecessor transferred to a different branch and I was hired here. Thankfully.”
This was the first actually possible idea he heard about today. He never really considered working outside of Ponyville, much less in Horsefield, but it was something. Hard work for minimum wage, far away from home wasn't very high on his list, but he had little choice in that matter.
“It doesn't sound too bad, I guess,” he shrugged “It's not like I'm going to prison."
"Yeah, in prison you get your own bed and three meals!” added Rainbow Dash, chuckling at it. It only earned her death glares from Thunderlane and Prince, to which she just rolled her eyes and turned away. With her out of the way, they approached Soarin, though neither did anything. After exchanging glares and waiting for the other to take the initiative, Prince finally was the first one to pony up and coughed before saying.
"Okay, that sounds like a plan B. Now, come on!" he lifted Soarin from the couch, grabbing the tail with his magic and heading towards the door, pulling a depressed pegasus along with him "We haven't seen entire Ponyville just yet!"
Thus the two were gone, leaving only bored out of her skull Rainbow Dash along with her second in command, currently rather irritated, Thunderlane. His piercing glare said more than any words he could now tell to his boss. She just sighed at it.
"Don't look at me like that. We both know he'll end up in that factory anyway. If there was work in Ponyville, then Cloud Chaser would have taken it long ago."
Thunderlane could tell her a lot what was on his mind and how he felt about insulting his friends, especially in times when they were most vulnerable, but he only needed to say one thing to feel satisfied. He smiled smugly as he said the magical words.
"A1."
Rainbow raised an eyebrow and lazily shifted her eyes at her board. Her jaw dropped as she found the last, lone cloud that avoided detection, until now. She muttered something crude under her nose, flipping her game board from the desk, sending all of it's small components flying on the ground, while she crossed her hooves and pouted for the rest of the day.
That evening, right before she has gone to sleep, Rainbow Dash realized her one and only critical mistake.
'Quills and Sofas' didn't have a vacant spot for another employee. Neither did the 'Aloe and Lotus Spa'. Or 'Flower Trio' florists. Or that 'whatsitsname' restaurant from yesterday. Or a grocery store. Or the post office. Or Carousel Boutique (this one Blueblood refused to enter, for some reason, so Soarin was doing the talking this time). Or anywhere else, for that matter, as they came to realize by the evening of traversing the entire town, ending their journey far from Ponyville, in Nirvana. And no, they couldn't hire him as well, despite him having plenty experience in this kind of business. Needless to say, it didn't surprise Soarin in the slightest and destroyed the rest of the confidence he held onto through the entire day. Now that he had none, he was free to sit at the counter, slam his face on it and just feel miserable.
"You know, now that I think of it," he started talking. Soarin just stared at his empty glass "I could hire another pony for the library," he announced, but Soarin still didn't react. Blueblood coughed and continued "I mean, my stipend is big enough to cover two ponies and I would have more time for my studies and Shiny could use another free day once in a whi--..." he cut in the middle, interrupted by Soarin's hoof smacking the counter.
"Stop! Just... don't!" Soarin interjected "Look, I get what you're trying to do and I appreciate it, I really do. But... this is something I have to do myself."
"But, I'm just trying to help!"
"You already did. You helped me more than I could ever ask for and I couldn't be more grateful, but..." he tried to find some way to describe his feelings, but after a short pause, Blueblood just nodded and didn't try to press the issue any longer. Soarin sighed with relief at that, slowly coming to terms with the prospect of paper factory. At least it beats being unemployed, even if he was in for some of the bad moments in his life. There was still a hope something would come up in the meantime, but that was a matter of months, if not even years. So long as Flitter and Cloudchaser were fine, it would end up all right.
"Bartender, one Golden Rainbow for that handsome gentlecolt. My treat." said a female voice at his left. Soarin barely stopped himself from delicately declining, when he noticed... her "Normally I would ask what a lonely, cute stallion is doing here tonight, but I see you have a company. Hello there!" the smiling blonde maned, tan coated mare waved to Prince Blueblood, before returning her attention to Soarin.
"It's you, umm..." he stopped mid-sentence when he realized something crucial.
He still didn't know her name.
Author's Note
Jeez, only 2 weeks late -_- Oh well, hopefully I'll get better later.
And she's baaaaaack. And before anyone asks, she's not any of the existing background ponies. In fact, I'm still deciding on her name, I'm open to suggestions.
5. Hope is a Ray of Sunshine
Chapter 5: Hope is a Ray of Sunshine
It didn't take a genius to figure out who this mysterious mare was. Even though Soarin was vague on the details regarding that part, Prince Blueblood had no troubles putting the pieces together. The lonely mare in the bar, drinking herself over her supposedly two-timing coltfriend, suddenly getting hit on by an unworldly charming stallion (this was a fact he could not deny), yet still refusing, despite heavy intoxication and emotional turmoil. Today, on the other hoof, she was the smiling and sober one, while Soarin was on the verge of collapsing under heavy, every bit justified, depression. Prince decided to stay quiet and see how things would develop from here.
"You don't seem too good," the mare started, curiously looking at Soarin's sad eyes "rough day, I assume?"
"You have no idea," he replied, concentrating his eyes on the glass of multicolored drink just served before him "Just... reality is catching up to me, but I'll be fine. Probably."
The mare looked at him and hummed, but after a short pause decided to shrug it away and didn't press the issue. This was not her reason for meeting him.
"Soarin." he admitted, allowing himself a weak smile at her. She nodded back.
"Sunny Rays," she replied, finally banishing the mystery for times to come "but yes, I know who you are. You probably don't realize it, but you're pretty popular these parts. Just ask for a tall, blue haired pegasi hunk and suddenly everypony is all over you. In a good way." she admitted with a giggle. Soarin couldn't help but smile as well. After a rough day like this one, even a simple compliment was enough to lift his spirit up several stories. Considering what happened back then and seeing her right now, he could tell where she was going with this speech.
Soarin sighed with great relief. He definitely knew where this was going and what she was going to say, but it was good to know that his hunch was confirmed. He smiled and let her talk.
"Turns out, he wasn't cheating on me at all. That mare he was with... she was just a jeweler and she was making him a special order..." she turned towards him to showcase her chest, now adorned with a state of art silver necklace with a large topaz inside "...my engagement necklace!" she almost squealed the answer out, nearly crying from the joy, as she hugged her prize near her heart.
Soarin nodded with a smile.
"Not for much longer, though! I'll be changing my name soon." she quickly replied. It wasn't too often that ponies took new names after marrying their significant others. In fact, not many ponies even had last names to begin with, that was a tradition usually shared by nobles and wealthy families and even then not everypony was too keen on keeping the tradition alive. The sheer fact that Sunny Rays was ready for such ordeal spoke highly about the strength of their relationship.
One toast later, once she calmed herself down, she changed her expression to a more serious one, as she pierced Soarin with a glare. After a short while, she finally asked.
Soarin blinked "Why what?"
"Back then, why did you help me?" she asked.
Soarin shrugged "I just... I dunno, I guess I just hate to live in a world where somepony is unhappy. Especially when I can do something about it." he proudly admitted. Sunny Rays nodded, not objecting that explanation, but she was far from done with her questions.
"Okay than, second question, if you don't mind me asking, that is?" she quickly asked, covering herself in a light blush. Soarin shook his head and prompted her to continue " You knew this was all a misunderstanding, right?"
"I suspected this was the case, yeah."
"How so?"
"Mostly because I knew who Miss Emerald Breeze was. I was lucky with that one, though. But," he looked her deep in the eyes "even if I didn't know her, I would've said the exact same thing," that declaration provoked an eyebrow raise from both the mare, and Prince Blueblood, who still carefully observed "do you know why?" he asked. Sunny Rays shook her head and waited impatiently for the answer.
"Because of..." he paused, prompting Sunny Rays to lean in closer "...your..." she gulped with anticipation, nodding to him to continue "...love!" he announced dramatically.
She blinked "Love?"
"Love." he confirmed "Miss Sunny Rays, I might not look like it, but I don't really like to brag..."
"No way!" she deadpanned, rolling her eyes.
"...but I don't get shot down that easily. Laugh if you want to, but if I want some mare to be interested in me, I usually can do it no problems. Don't ask me how I do it, I just do. However, there are several exceptions. Like ginger maned ones..."
"What's wrong with gingers?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" he threw his hooves in the air, then slammed the counter "I just... I don't know, I try so hard but every single time, it just... ugh, it makes no sense! What's their deal? Seriously? It's just a mane color, there's no relation with their personality or biology, at least not that I noticed. Is this some kind of conspiracy against us, hunters? Is the entire Equestria plotting against handsome stallions interested in banging cute mares without any responsibilities tied to it? Since when is this a crime? The answer is IT'S NOT! I know, I checked the codex many times! I just want to bang a ginger mare at least once in my lifetime, is that too much to ask? ARGH!" he finished by downing the rest of his drink straight into his throat. Meanwhile, Sunny Rays waited patiently, wide eyed and spooked, but confused more than anything else. She waited a minute for Soarin's complexion to go back from steaming red to its original color before speaking again.
"You're feeling better now?" she asked carefully.
"Yes... a little bit." he answered, still fuming from the recent rant. He coughed and continued "Anyway, aside from, ekhem, 'gingers', the most common reason I'm rejected, is because of love. Or to be precise, if someponys love is strong enough, there's no way any hunter could force their way through it. That day, you were very drunk and defenseless, yet still had the strength to reject me. That in itself speaks volumes of your dedication. And he seemed like a nice stallion from your stories. You could either break up and lose him forever, or cause a lot of fighting before misunderstanding is cleared up... or you could do nothing and trust my hunch."
"So all of this... was just your hunch? I could've made a big mistake by not acting, because you had a hunch?"
"It's hard to explain, but yeah, there's no other way to judge it. If love made sense, they'd have an university dedicated to it already, now wouldn't they?"
Sunny Rays opened her mouth and raised a hoof, but paused and thought about it "That..." she said, scratching her head "... kinda makes sense, in a twisted sort of way. I can't argue with that." although she could, since there were already many theories and science publications of said topic. None was even close to figuring it out.
"And even if I was wrong," he shrugged "this is something you had to deal with eventually anyway. I'm glad it turned out fine though. One depressed pony in a bar is more than enough."
"Speaking of which, what exactly did you mean by 'reality catching up'? Maybe I can help you with that?"
Soarin shrugged. Not like there he had anything to hide.
"No, I'm not. Sorry."
He sighed yet again. Just when he thought some liquor and a nice conversation could make his problems go away, they tumbled right back and hit him just as hard as before. The conversation stopped, as they sat in awkward silence, sipping their drinks right after Soarin got himself a second one. It would seem like this was going to be the end the entire evening, but once again, fate said otherwise.
"Hey dude, where ya been yesterday?" asked a familiar voice of a pony that just approached him. Soarin turned to see Hemp Leaf, his faithful disciple, a pony of questionable talents and hobbies, but honest heart. His companions in crime, Poindexter and Bulk Biceps, were also nearby "We were like, totally in a pinch there! We thought you abandoned us, man!"
"YEAH!" agreed Bulk Biceps.
"Speak for yourself," protested Poindexter, the forever acne faced slim nerd, a rather non-charming fellow at first glance, but a true treasure of a friend once you get to know him better "I had it all under control yesterday!" he admitted, beaming proudly.
"Dude, she, like, splashed a beer into your face!"
"Pfft, details. It's the experience that matters the most and I gathered almost enough to go up a level soon!” a short pause “And it was a bourbon!"
"Umm, dude, this is a one story building! You can't go up a level, there isn't like, any."
"T-that's not what I meant!" protested the nerd.
"I think," interjected Soarin "he means becoming better at something by doing it."
"YEAH!
"Oooooooh!" Hemp Leaf nodded "Why didn't you say so, man?"
"YEAH!"
Poindexter deadpanned at his friends before facehoofing "...I'm surrounded by idiots!" he mumbled under his nose.
"YEA-- hey!"
Soarin chuckled at them. Even though they were only slightly younger than him (yes, even Bulk, much to his shock), they still felt like a group of undisciplined, inexperienced foals with great potential, that he, as their mentor and teacher, had to groom into fine stallions. It was a long road, bumpy one with lots of trials, errors and bruises (literal and metaphorical), but one that they all looked forward to. Or at least, he hoped he could keep up with it, considering what his life would become eventually. Long working hours, exhaustion and low pay. Would that be enough to cover this lifestyle anymore? Keeping up with his friends in Ponyville, these three and still finding time for himself suddenly seemed like a true challenge he might not endure. He heard about tough adult life while growing up, but never got a taste of what that truly meant. Was this it? It kinda sucked, but that's life for a pony who always had everything. Well, not everything, but a lot anyway. That, or he was just over dramatizing the situation.
"Yo boss, you listenin'?" asked Hemp Leaf, pulling Soarin out of his contemplations.
"Huh? Oh, sorry, I kinda dozed of."
The trio exchanged glares, than looked at Saorin.
"Yeah, sure I'm fine..." he said, not believing it himself. They didn't seem like ones to buy it either "... well, not really. It's a long story."
He didn't want to pass his depression around, but they did not seem like a bunch that would give up that easily, so reluctantly he told them everything. About the rent, his awesome and broke roommates, the situation in Ponyville and future prospects of working on an assembly line, which he was not thrilled about. And unfortunately, none of them knew any other place that would be able to hire him instead, only further cementing his not so bright future. From the looks of it, they felt sorry and offered their help if need be, further proving to be a great bunch which he was proud to call his disciples and friends.
"Bummer, man..." Hemp Leaf said "but, you know, we're still gonna go hunting, yeah? We have so much more to learn, yo!"
"Hemp, his life is hanging on a thread and all you think about is getting laid?" asked Poindexter, looking accusatory at his friend. He shrugged.
"Well yeah, I can't really go upstairs without his help, you know."
"It's up a level, you dolt!" said Poindexter.
"That too!" added Hemp Leaf, prompting a facehoof from his friends and a stiffed laughter from Soarin. He couldn't help but smile, despite everything. How could he not, surrounded by such good friends (despite that whole broken bottle incident)? He waved his hoof to calm them down.
"Everything will be fine. Just remember what I told you and keep trying, I know you can do it without my help." he reassured them, though it didn't sound nearly as convincing as he wished it to be.
"But still, man," Hemp Leaf started "it won't be the same without you."
"True." Poindexter nodded.
"YEAH!"
"How much bits would you pay for that?" suddenly asked Prince Blueblood.
"GAH!" the trio of stallions suddenly gasped and stepped back, as they noticed Prince for the first time "Woah, bogus! When did you get here?" asked Hemp Leaf, still breathing heavily.
Blueblood rolled his eyes "I was here from the beginning," he answered "but never mind that, how much would you pay for Soarin's help?" he asked once again. Before any of the three could answer, they were interrupted by a hoof slamming the counter. Soarin wasn't amused by that question. He was rarely seen angry and this felt like it was the closest they ever seen him be.
"I will NOT take any money from my friends!" shouted Soarin "No you, not them or anypony else. Do I make myself clear?"
Prince didn't even flinch at that "I'm not telling you to," he rolled his eyes, then turned back to his three disciples "all I was asking, was how much is his help worth to you? I heard all the stories and as far as I can tell, he turned..." he started pointing his hoof at each of them "... a nerd, a stoner and a giant lump of muscles, into half-decent if inexperienced stallions, all in the span of three days!" there was a short pause, before he realized something how bad it sounded, he added "No offense."
"Nah bro, it's cool." Hemp admitted, waving his hoof.
"We were kinda lame before he appeared." added Poindexter, scratching his head as he averted from Prince's gaze.
"YEAH!" Bulk added, also turning his head away.
"So how much would that be worth?" Prince asked them "Two nights, around seven hours total, hmm... something around 200 bits, divided by three," he closed his eyes to make some more calculations in his head "yes, that sounds about right. And that's including a huge discount. Of course, that's not final, I'm just not sure how much you should charge for these."
Soarin blinked. Gauging friendly advice and tips on dating in terms of bits was a concept so alien to him, he half assumed Prince Blueblood to be joking. But then again, even he didn't have a sense of humor twisted enough to imply such outrageous ideas, especially given the circumstances. And that knowledge alone scared him more than anything right now.
"All I'm saying is that if you're good at something, you might as well get paid for it."
Confusion rose with every word he heard "There's no way..." he started slowly, but was quickly cut of.
"It's called 'Matchmaking', or 'Matrimonial Consultation' or whatever fancy word you make up for your own brand. It's fairly popular in Canterlot and Manehattan, especially among the less sociable types that have worked hard to obtain a considerable income, but lack certain skills that they did not learn during their college years," his eyes slowly shifted at the 'Disciple Trio', as all three of them smiled sheepishly, nervously whistling while averting their eyes "it's a legitimate business, so long as you keep it clean of course. And the best part is, there are no certificates, no schools or any other requirements other than having to be good at it."
Soarin opened his mouth to counter his friends suggestion, but no sound came out as he realized that there was nothing he could say. He turned away from Blueblood and locked his eyes into first object he could, which ended up being an empty glass of his drink. The thought of using his hunting skills to gain money was preposterous and evil, at least that's how he always imagined it. Back in the Everfree forest when they encountered the 'dream ghost', it made him realize his worst fear. The fact that hundreds of mares wanted him dead wasn't the scary part, but rather the fact that there could, sometime, somehow, be a reason for anypony to hate him. That in living his life, he could leave somepony hurt. He heard stories of those like him, stallions that used their wit and charm to get everything, from bits, power, trust, all because they could manipulate a gullible, lovestruck rich mare. He vowed to himself that he would never become 'that guy', which meant separating his love life and work as much as possible. Some would call it naive and idealistic. Soarin called it 'the right way'.
Sometimes, no matter how true or powerful it is, even love needs some help.
"I don't know," Soarin finally spoke "it doesn't feel right..."
"What doesn't feel right?" asked Prince Blueblood, smug as always "The fact that there are countless mares and stallions waiting for their special someponies? The fact that there are those who need help, while others don't? The fact that they would pay any amount to have somepony give them some hints? Or maybe the fact that the most knowledgeable 'hunter' in entire Equestria might spend the rest of his life rolling paper on an assembly line?"
"That's not what I..."
"Besides, how can you make everypony happy when they don't even know you can?" asked Prince "Look, do I have to keep on giving you more reasons? Because I'm very bad at motivational speaking."
"Sorry, I'm just not convinced. I never wanted to earn money like... like this!"
"And I never wanted to live in a farm town surrounded by a bunch of good friends," he shrugged "but I'm being too pushy here. After all, it's your life and I can't tell you what to do. Just say no and we will drop this topic immediately."
Prince wasn't surprised in the slightest when Soarin said nothing. Whatever his friend thought right now, he sounded like he wanted to convince himself that this was a bad idea, even though there were no real reasons. He just needed one more push, something to help him spell it out and be done with it already. He looked over the Disciple Trio and waited. The three whispered something among themselves and soon after approached their teacher.
"After some debating, we reached an agreement," said Poindexter, as he reached for a small bag and put it on the counter "we thank you for doing business with you and look forward for future cooperation." he said gladly, while the other two nodded vigorously. Soarin looked a the small pouch, no doubt filled with exactly 200 bits. His eyes and mind went to and from the bag, each of his disciples and finally, to Prince Blueblood himself. Eventually, he sighed and asked.
"Do you really think I can pull it off?" he asked Prince Blueblood. Prince rolled his eyes in response.
"Would I spend five minutes convincing you if I didn't believe it?"
"And what if it fails?"
"Then in far future you will be able to tell your grandfoals that you gave it a try."
He chuckled. That was all Soarin had to hear. Like many of his favorite comic book heroes, he had a great power in his hooves, one that could be misused to cause great evil... but also to help many ponies if used responsibly, like he already did. And if it came to the worst, he could just quit anytime. And who knows, this might be what he was always looking for.
"But I don't know anything about starting a business!" he quickly realized "Where do we even begin?"
"I think I can help you with that!" suddenly announced Sunny Rays, still sitting next to Soarin all this time.
"GAAH!" the disciple trio yelled and stepped back, as they finally noticed her at the counter "When did you get here?" asked spooked Poindexter. She rolled her eyes as Prince explained.
"She was here from the beginning," Prince facehooved "what is wrong with you guys, really?"
Sunny Rays giggled as she shook her head 'It's fine. I think I should introduce myself properly," she reached for her hoofbag and took out a small business card, then handed it to Soarin "Sunny Rays, from 'Sun Ray Start-ups'."
"Start-ups?" asked Soarin, with everypony else being as curious. She coughed and explained.
"You see, that's my special talent," she pointed at her cutie mark. Through dim lights of the bar, they managed to identify a picture of a small sun, with one ray shining upon the small flower. The fact that she let five single stallions check out her flank wasn't lost on them, as they covered themselves in a little blush. She continued.
The stallions, all five, looked at her, then carefully inspected the business card, which confirmed her claims. Everything seemed legitimate.
"Start-ups, huh?" asked Blueblood "That's a weirdly specific talent."
Sunny Rays rolled here eyes and pouted "Tell me about it. It took me forever to figure it out, even after I got my cutie mark."
Blueblood shrugged and put a hoof over Soarin's shoulder, then smiled "Well, if that's not a sign to start, then I don't know what is."
There was no turning back. Well, there was, but he didn't feel like it anymore. Only about ten minutes ago he would never imagine that not only would he get a better job, but start his own business to a boot. It was an intimidating thought, but looking at the happy faces of his friends, new and newer (hard to call anypony here an 'old friend'), he couldn't help but feel pumped as well.
"Okay then, rule number one," he grabbed the bag of bits and threw it back at his disciples "my friends don't pay," he said proudly. He heard Blueblood's coughing, so he quickly corrected himself "until I'm open."
Author's Note
Took only forever to make it @_@ Believe it or not, the worst thing to think of was making up a name for Hemp Leaf, one that wouldn't be too offensive (I still think it sucks).
Next chapter, we get a return of an old character.
Also, don't be afraid to voice your comments. Negative or positive, I love feedback. Seriously, I want it. I need it! GIMME THE COMMENTS!
6. Best job ever- the origin
Chapter 6: Best job ever- the origin
It has been way too long, thought Big Macintosh as he walked through the ever busy streets of Ponyville market. After almost nine days away from home he was very much eager to come back to his usual life of applebucking, family and friends, but a certain unfortunate incident prevented first part of it from happening. He didn't much minded it himself, after all, it was only going to be one more week until he's in top shape once again, but until then he had to struggle not to roll his eyes every time somepony winced and looked with care at the stallion. To be fair, it looked way worse than it was actually. A big bandage over his torso might raise some suspicions, but it was just a flesh wound to him... at least until he tried to do something more straining, then it was almost as painful as a papercut. Not nearly enough to keep him from walking around and doing his chores, but more than enough for Applejack to freak out and attempt to nurse him back to health by stuffing him in his bed and spoon-feeding him. It wasn't nearly as bad as that nightmare he had back in the Everfree, but he felt miserable still. Both older Apple siblings had much more in common with mules than usual ponies in terms of stubbornness. Eventually, they reached a reluctant compromise after a heated debate, concluded with one angry Granny Smith threatening them with a paddle. In the end, Macintosh was forbidden from bucking a single tree or carrying anything larger than a grocery basket until nurse said he was fine. That only left him with small time-chores but it was better than nothing. It still left Applejack alone doing all the Applebucking during the season, which he wasn't confident she was capable of doing by herself. He added 'look for part timers' on the shopping list, that was the easy part. Convincing Applejack they needed (and could afford) help was a different matter entirely.
Since this was his first time in Ponyville proper in over a week, he took his time to catch up. In a town as small as this few days were rarely enough to warrant any change. Not this time however, as he was about to witness a new business opening in the center of the town. And not just any other shop, but something completely different altogether. He wasn't sure what to think when he arrived at the place. It looked innocent enough, just another regular, if bigger than usual, two story manor. The only visible difference, was a sign hanging above its front door.
"The Big S, Love Consultant and Matchmaker"
He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head, pretty sure that this place used to be called 'Home of Flitter and Cloudchaser (and Soarin)". He shook his head before finally opening the door and entering only to witness...
"But I have to... ohhh... work... can't... be laaEEEIIGHT!" a ribbon wearing mare moaned. Her left ear was her weakness and her assailant knew that all too well.
"Did I hear a no?" asked a spiky-maned mare "Just say a word and I'll stop... reluctantly."
"N-no, don't you dare!" protested the defender, as two tenderly hugging bodies messed up some papers, while shuffling on a long, office desk settled right in front of the entrance "You started it, you could at least finish... mhm, yeeesss..." her moaning grew louder, as a tongue of her marefriend found its way going steadily lower, avoiding nothing on her journey from the ear through neck, going even further. Dangerously further, Big Macintosh had to admit, as he covered in a slight blush, too flustered to react.
"What about your work, love?" asked Cloud Chaser, pausing her 'work' for a fraction of second, much to her fillyfriends annoyance.
"Buck them, Equestria won't burn if I'm ten minutes late..." she answered, then quickly added "... make it an hour. Maybe two."
As things were getting a bit too far (especially so early in the morning), Big Mac decided to cut it short before it really got awkward. He coughed once, then once again since one time was rarely enough to catch their attention. Second time did the job, as the pair rapidly turned towards him and froze in place for a moment.
"IIIEE!!" they shrieked simultaneously, shaking too hard to keep their balance "AAAH!" they screamed again, falling on the other side of the desk with a loud thud. The following moans he heard from them sounded way less pleasant now. It took a moment for Cloud Chaser to get up first, reaching for the edge of the desk to support herself. She nervously fixed her even messier hair and shuffled through some papers on the desk.
"I-I'm sorry, we-we're still clo--... oh," she instantly calmed down a little bit, once she finally identified the newcomer "...it's just you Mac... hehe, sorry about that..."
"N-nah, it's fine, sorry." Macintosh turned away, still half blushing. It wasn't the first time he encountered them like that after all. They had a habit of making themselves way too comfortable if left alone for longer periods of time. In the meanwhile, Flitter also got up from the floor and stood next to her fillyfriend behind the desk, also frantically fixing her hair and ribbon.
"How did you even get in?" asked blushing Flitter.
Mac shrugged "Da sign said it's open an' the door wasn't locked, so..." he trailed of, scratching his back, while Flitter gave Cloud Chaser a deadpan glare.
"Uhmm... oops?" Cloud Chaser answered with a sheepish smile and shrug. Flitter rolled her eyes and shook her head.
Even though they knew each other for a while, this was the first time Big Macintosh ever entered the sacred realm known as Flitter's house. Now that he had a good look at it, he felt as if it was smaller on the inside. Or at least, it was due to the hallway being separated by a large curtain, confining this small space for the actual... office? As he stood, he could see a part of the house cut of so all that remained, was a small part of a hallway, now outfitted with several chairs and a small coffee table filled with some random newspapers and magazines on it, almost resembling a waiting room you see in clinics. Right in front of the entrance was the messy desk where magic almost happened, if it wasn't so brutally interrupted. On the right from the entrance, he saw a door leading to a small bedroom, or at least, that's what it used to be. Now it had a sign on it:
"Soarin - Love Guru"
Over bloated ego of a former Wonderbolt earned a raised eyebrow from Big Macintosh. He didn't have much time to comment on it, as the door opened and a familiar figure appeared. And by familiar, we mean the same pegasi stud, former Wonderbolt, currently 'disguised' as a glasses wearing, ponytailed specialist of sorts. It was a while since he last saw 'Hipster Soarin'. If he didn't know any better, he would probably wonder who he was and why was his cutie mark exactly like one of his friends.
"Macintosh!" Soarin happily announced as he walked toward his big friend "Hey, you're back! It's been too long, buddy!"
"Eyup!"
"How've you been, big guy?" Soarin happily smacked big earth pony's back, unfortunately striking the one place he shouldn't, which Macintosh telegraphed with a wince and a hiss of pain. Okay, so maybe it was worse than a papercut after all. At the look of that, Soarin also winced and stepped away, before gently putting a hoof on his non-bandaged shoulder "Woah, what happened to you?"
There they go again. Macintosh once again had to roll his eyes, as now not only Soarin, but also his two lesbian roommates took pity on him. Just what he needed.
Soarin, Cloud Chaser and Flitter hummed for a moment and looked at each other, not sure how to react. Eventually, they shrugged and let it go. Flitter looked at the clock above the door.
"Dang," Soarin shook his head "I swear, one day she'll love me too!" he exclaimed towards Cloud Chaser, who just chuckled before going back to cleaning the desk and its surroundings. Soarin opened the door to his 'office' and motioned for his friend to enter.
Cloud Chaser saluted "Sure thing, boss!"
Big Mac raised an eyebrow and looked at Soarin "Boss?"
Soarin couldn't grin harder if he tried "I'll never get tired of hearing that!"
When Flitter left the house, she was in a hurry to arrive at the start of her shift, but not as much that she would miss out on a stranger lurking around her house, acting all suspicious. Although, stranger wasn't a word she would use to describe a certain mint colored unicorn with a familiar instrument on her flank.
"Lyra?" she asked. The mare in question jumped, then turned towards Flitter, donning the most fake smile invented in Ponyville, not exactly helped by the large beads of sweat coming from her forehead.
"Oh, hey there Flitter, hehe... uhm... nice house you have there!"
"Lyra, what are you doing?"
"What, me? Nothing, definitely nothing suspicious! I was just... uhh..." she looked around desperately looking for an excuse. Flitter would probably worry, if it wasn't Lyra. She was never exactly an example of a smart mare in her eyes, but she was harmless. Usually "I was looking for this!" Lyra suddenly announced, as she lifted a small object with hoof. Flitter looked at it, deadpan.
"It's a rock."
"Not just any rock!" she quickly added "It's a, uhm... pet rock! Yes, a pet rock!"
"Lyra..."
"No, really!" she patted the rock with her hoof "I named him... uhm... Darwin! And we were playing hide and seek and I just won!" she smiled even wider "Ok, gotta go, nice seeing ya! BYE!" and then Lyra (and Darwin) was (were) gone. Flitter stood there for moment later, wondering what she just witnessed.
"Wow, I didn't know Lyra had a pet rock!" said Pinkie Pie, appearing completely out of nowhere. This, on the other hoof, did not surprise Flitter at all.
"So..." Big Macintosh started, in between sipping his coffee while comfortably sitting on a fairly big couch "'Love Guru'?" he asked, still not quite believing the story he just heard. It was Soarin he was talking to, so any lies were out of question and if anypony could be given such title, he couldn't find any better suited for it.
"Rolls of the tongue a lot better than 'Relationship consultant' or whatever other name they use in big cities. "
"A'right then," he nodded "what happen' next?"
"First of all, Prince was all suspicious of Sunny Rays, so he and Shiny pulled some strings and checked her files. Surprise to us all, she really WAS a legitimate start-up agent! Once we cleared that up, she did her magic..."
"... okay then, if we are going to do this properly, we have to take it step by step. Luckily for you, I managed to squeeze everything onto one single file for you to browse and fill with your preferred choices. Let's begin, so open at page 1 and..." Sunny Rays kept talking. until she noticed that her two clients weren't paying attention on the printout she gave them. It was the first time they met in the working hours in a small, but cozy little cafe in Horsefield to talk business. This is also when they both discovered that she was nearsighted and had to wear the cutest little pair of reading glasses, unlike casual contact lenses she wore in her free time.
"Only beauty." answered Soarin with a wink.
"Flatterer," she chuckled and rolled her eyes "Pay attention please, we're talking actual serious business here! As I was saying, turn to page 1."
Obediently, Blueblood turned the page of 'Business by Sun Ray' open, to reveal a fairly big list with many items along with their short descriptions. Some items were highlighted with fluorescent green marker, some were crossed out by a bright red one and some were left unmarked.
They scanned some of the positions highlighted in green. They expected to see 'First new business support', 'Unemployment Bearou for agricultural societies' and 'Support Association For Retired Athletes (SAFRA)', but much to their surprise there were even positions such as many charity drives, with description saying 'regular donation reduces tax rates', 'Equestrian Weekly, Business Edition', which said 'no funding, but they provide free advertisement for random businesses each week'. There was even a group that specialized in lowering the insurance costs for regions nearby dangerous wild magical territories, like Everfree Forest.
“What’s a Buck-Starter?” asked Prince Blueblood. Sunny hoofwaved.
“That’s when ponies pay for stuff before it’s made.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“I know. I’m not too hot on this idea, but it’s an option. I’d say ignore it, it’s probably just a trend that’ll die soon.” Needless to say, Sunny Rays was a genius at start-ups, but she was no fortune teller. Nopony could foretell the future of Buck-Starter, which is a story for different time.
The positions marked in red were usually things like support for lone mothers or immigrants from outside Equestria.
"So much money..." Soarin sighed, as he trailed off on his chair at his new desk. This room was once just a small guest bedroom, his bedroom, but they removed the bed and relocated it on the second floor. It gave them the excuse to outfit it with a cozy, second hoof couch which Macintosh clearly enjoyed.
"National secrets." said Big Macintosh. Soarin had no choice but to nod.
"National secrets."
Several pages in was when they realized that this lady is either a genius or angel sent from heavens to protect sexy and unemployed. What usually took days if not weeks was already taken care of before they had their first refill of coffee.
"Another butter roll, Sunny?" asked the waitress passing by.
"That would be lovely!" she answered, sending a happy waitress to the counter. This was yet another perk of being her client- coffee and butter rolls were on the house, since this was one of her most successful start-ups to date. As if they needed proof.
"Next up, insurance!" she announced happily (for somepony about to speak about insurance), as they turned over to a page with yet another list of green and red markings "The ones in green are once again highly recommended, the red ones don't apply to you." and for emphasis, Soarin's first instinct was to read the red one. True enough, factory explosions were not a threat in a town without a single industrial complex. Interestingly enough, ‘sudden volcanic eruptions’ wasn't marked with red. Everfree magic, go figure, it wasn’t out of question. Before they had a time to ask, they noticed 'Magical Anomaly originated from magical territory' being in a green category.
Without a single complaint from his friend, Soarin checked 'Pie-related catastrophes'.
“Smart choice.” Macintosh nodded. Even though he didn’t hear anything about the recent Sugarcube Corner incident yet, he knew all too well how to live in Ponyville. His farm had that insurance long before Pinkie Pie even appeared in Ponyville. Nopony was sure why. Granny Smith said it was foresight, but never elaborated on it.
“Next up, advertisement! No business survives long without a proper promotion, especially one as niche as yours.”
“Alright, so we post a bunch of fliers and posters around Ponyville, right?” asked Soarin.
Sunny Rays, however, shook her head and just slowly said.
Soarin nodded. Bigger cities, like Canterlot or even Horsefield, had a larger percentage of lonely, socially awkward ponies that required help. His trio of disciples was from Horsefield. Heck, even Shining Armor, the most awkward pony he knew, was from Canterlot.
“What do you suggest?” asked Prince Blueblood, half knowing what the answer is going to be, but he was curious about the other half.
“We have some options,” Suny Rays asked and pulled yet another folder from her impossibly big bag “I know a few good places that can print fliers for cheap, we could hit newspapers and could hire a bunch of ponies to help distribute them, but…”
“That sounds like a lot of money.” Blueblood interrupted her. She nodded.
“I’m open to suggestions. If there are some strings you can pull, this is the best possible use for them right now.”
Soarin put a hoof to his chin and though for a moment. He smiled, as a particularly well sounding idea sparked in his head. He looked at Prince Blueblood. Judging from the smug smile he had, they were thinking among the same lines.
“Ah think ah know where dis’is goin’.”
“What can I say?” Soarin shrugged “If there’s anything I have in abundance… are friends!”
“… the man’s like… a genius!” Hemp Leaf finally finished his story. It wasn’t easy to get the point across, when right behind the curtains waited hundreds if not more rowdy ponies eager to see and hear their idols, but he managed. He had a talent of making unusual friends in unusual places with unusual methods (that best stay unexplained), though that didn’t apply to opposite sex, obviously. Sleigher, the heavy metal band that was about to play their concert, was no exception, as they looked at the leaflets, nodding and talking among each other.
“Sure, we’ll plug the guy,” the main vocalist said “anything for our favorite after party planner.”
Volcan, the drummer, a rather large red earthpony in sunglasses and exaggerated facepaint , objected to this idea.
Hemp gulped. His ultimate plan for the greatest advertisement ever can’t be ruined just like that. He reached into his chest for the confidence built up with recent practice, then approached the neighsayer.
“Volcan, buddy, don’ be such a stick in a mud, there ain’t no harm in helpin’ guy a little.”
“Pfft, I’m supposed to be believe this guy is some miracle worker? I think you had a little too much of your own stuff lately, Hemp.”
Hemp rolled his eyes and tried harder. He walked toward Volcan and put a hoof around his shoulder, provoking a quiet squeak from the defender.
“Hemp, shut up!” Volcan deadpanned “And get your hooves of me…”
“I mean, I bet he could hook you up with some hottie too!” Volcan went silent, so did the other band members “Come on, I bet a stud like you don’t need any help, but you never know? You can still learn a few tricks on how to use your manly charm, am I right?”
Everypony went silent. Other band members were snickering in the distance, as not even the crowd could muffle them. Volcan on the other hoof, slowly took of the sunglasses, revealing a bright yellow, large pair of eyes with long eyelashes.
Hemp’s jaw dropped low. He opened his mouth them closed it a few times.
“I’d say Tecna is the best fairy!”
“Nay! Stella is the best fairy!”
“Stella? Pfft, that stuck up fashion obsessed tramp? No thanks, Bloom is my waifu!”
“No way, she’s mine!”
“Is not!”
“Is too!”
Even among his own kind, over or underweight bunch of nerds with well paid jobs, interested in titles way beyond their demographic, Poindexter felt different. He could still somewhat identify with them. He was just like them once, spending all his days dreaming of drawn pixies, writing self insert fanfiction and sleeping with body pillows of a certain brown haired fairy. He was different now. Better. Improved. Level 8 and mutliclassing into a ‘complete stud lv.1’. And he was about to share this new feeling with those he called friends despite anything. Just because they didn’t worship Flora and Magnificence Trinket (her voice actress in movie adaptation) didn’t mean they were lower beings. Mostly.
And what better time and place to help his fellow Broxies, then at their usual meet-up group. He didn’t expect this to be this hard, though.
“Wait, I don’t get it, what do you mean ‘real mares’?” asked one chubby Pegasus holding a custom made, blonde doll.
“You know, the ‘three dimensional’ ones. The real ones.”
“Ooooh,” another nerd interjected “you mean somepixie from the movie!”
“W-wha… no!” Poindexter tried to protest, but the sudden outburst of heated debates over quality of comics and movies stopped him. He facehooved. This room had an average IQ of 150, yet he was still, somehow, surrounded by idiots.
There was a small silence in the group. Some murmurs erupted among the crowd, until somepony brave stood out and asked the critical question.
Poindexter deadpanned. His eye twitched at the thought that he used to be one of them.
Everypony was glad for one thing. The great weather. Which in turn meant that windows were open and fresh air was in abundance right now. If it wasn’t, the entire oxygen would be sucked out due to massive gasps coming from two dozen stallions simultaneously.
“B-but, what about cooties?” asked one panicked fellow, tightly squeezing his Musa figurine.
“Don’t be silly!” another one calmed him, as he walked to him and patted his back “You build immunity to cooties once you turn 24. That’s what my mom told me.” He answered with a smile. Poindexter sighed, grabbed a bunch of leaflets and forced them onto everypony. They needed them.
"That sounds cool. Yeah, I know a few ponies who could use help." said some muscular earth pony in between next round of exercise. Some of his friends heartily agreed and passed the fliers between each other, talking enthusiastically about the new business which at that point wasn't even open, but it was highly recommended by Bulk Biceps. Outside, Bulk was often considered a pony of one note, limited vocabulary and highly exaggerated physique. But here, in the 'Not-So-Dead Horse Gym' (it would take way too long to explain the origins of that name), he was the 'MAN'! Here, his words were gospel and his rule was nigh infinite. If somepony was ordered to do thousand wing-ups, they did it because Bulk Biceps said so. Those who did not, left in shame without manliness which they wished for when they first entered the building.
"Have a leaflet!" ordered Bulk to one particular pony. He had not yet learned his name, which meant one of two things.
One, he was new and not yet made himself a part of the pack. Anypony who enters the Gym becomes a part of pack eventually or leaves, no exceptions.
"No thanks." he hoofwaved at it and went back to the treadmill. Bulk Biceps was not to be denied in his fiefdom.
"Take it!" he forced it, but the neighsayer armed himself with logic.
"I don't need it, I'm already married."
"TAKE THE GOSHDARN LEAFLET, YOU MAGGOT!"
The stallion squeaked and covered his face. He finally took it and slowly, carefully, went away with tail under his hooves. Bulk Biceps smiled. This one was not yet lost, he could be salvaged and join the pack. Also, he needed to pay. Not in bits, but in labor, for a crime of not being lonely while he, the master, still was. Justice was not a part of this place, only rules. His rules.
Needless to say, this place did not attract many mares
"Ah thought so." Macintosh shrugged, sipping his coffee.
Soarin smiled and leaned over the desk, joining his hooves in a plotting manner.
Soarin coughed, catching the attention of everypony in the line. Along with his trusted adviser, Prince Blueblood, and Prince's number one assistant, Shining Armor, the trio went through their little army, confronting each pony one by one.
Ditzy Do saluted like a true professional soldier she (probably) never was. By now, any retorts regarding her eyes were considered a friendly banter by everypony.
“We helped too!” added as chorus of Dinky Do and Rumble, as they saluted while standing right next to Ditzy. Only a few seconds later, Dinky realized that Rumble was saluting with wrong hoof. She nudged him and he fixed that instantly “Sir!”
Soarin nodded in appreciation, forcing himself to look away from the foals, just in case he had a heart attack or diabetes from maintaining eye contact with most adorable kids in Equestria. He instead looked at his next subject.
“Deployed and taken care of, sir!” Doctor happily announced, completely rolling with the whole play. Soarin had no idea why he picked this nickname, though.
“What about Cloudsdale, captain Storm and ensign Flower?” he asked the pair next to Doctor. They, on the other hoof, were a bit less amused.
“We’re not saluting you, Soarin.” Thunderlane rolled his eyes, while Blossomforth nodded after him. There always had to be a spoilsport.
“Ugh, fine. What's the status?”
Thunderlane nodded “Cloudsdale is swimming in leaflets, they're all over the place.”
Soarin nodded happily, but couldn’t help but notice that something was missing. Or rather, someponies, a few of them.
“I let Raindrops and Cloud Kicker go home early.” answered Thunderlane.
“And Rainbow Dash?”
Thunderlane and Blossomforth shrugged. Blossom answered.
“To be precise,” added Thunderlane, watching the clock tower on the town hall “it was nine minutes and fifty seconds ago.” he waited for a moment, then started counting down “Five… four… tree… two… one…”
Nopony even had time to ask what Thunderlane was counting for, before a multicolored object smashed itself into the ground, creating a shockwave strong enough, that Ditzy had to hold Dinky and Rumble with her wings so they wouldn’t fly off. Once the tremors stopped and dust settled on the ground, the figure walked out.
“Ten…” she gasped for air “…minutes…” and slowly walked towards Soarin, with face mixing up pride and exhaustion, creating a unique mix only Rainbow Dash was capable of “…flat!” and flat she fell, on her face, breathing heavier than she ever had.
After a short pause, Soarin coughed. Rainbow was Rainbow, after all.
Unlike everypony else gathered, Rainbow Dash wasn’t going to go out of her way to help him out of sheer kindness. She had to be bargained with and he had just the thing, though he was sad to get rid of it. So many memories were tied to a single object, but it was for the greater good. At least he knew that it was going to good hooves.
Everypony in the line also eyed him suspiciously. Except Dinky and Rumble, whose eyes were kept closed by Ditzy Do’s wings, as she grabbed them and trotted away from what could be a spicy story.
“I’m afraid to ask…” started Prince Blueblood.
“So am Ah…” Mac also eyed Soarin.
“Well…”
The story was fairly simple. It was during his short-lived tenure as a Wonderbolt, particularly the episode when they were forced to model for a fashion magazine for summer collection. All Wonderbolts had to pose in skimpy outfits that made them feel more naked then they were nude. Soarin wasn’t bothered at all, if only because Spitfire looked more gorgeous then ever (other ladies were no slouches, but it was no contest). He somehow managed to convince her to exchange pictures between them while pretending they were each others fans (he was), just for laughs. He hoped she would catch on and realize his feelings for her, admit she loved him too, then they would date, snuggle, kiss and bang after three dates, once they were both ready (he always was). Then he would retire from hunting and settle down with love of his life.
“She didn’t catch on?” asked baffled Thunderlane.
“No. She’s as clueless as Shining Armor.” As he said that, everypony nodded and looked concerned at the unicorn in question.
“So you asked all yer friends to help. That’s cool.”
“Well, there’s one more thing you should know…”
"CUTIE MARKS CRUSADERS ADVERTISERS, YAY!"
"You used mah little sister an' her friends?"
Soarin shrugged "I was going to pay them, but they said they'll do it for the cutie mark." he paused for a moment "I bought them some milkshakes later, if that's any consolation."
Mac thought for a moment. He wouldn’t hear the end of it if Applebloom or one of her friends got a cutie mark while he was gone. At least she didn’t get hurt or cause any damage for once. Soarin probably tried to get Applejack’s help too, but considering the applebuck season, this wasn’t an option.
“Oh that’s the most brilliant part! See, I couldn’t possibly handle the company alone, so Sunny told me to hire somepony, a secretary or assistant, because there was some kind of funding for 'reducing unemployment in rural areas' or whatever.
“An' Flitter just agreed to it?”
“Not initially. I let Cloud Chaser do the convincing. She's a master at it.” his eyes drifted away. Judging by the width of his smile and blush on his face, it was best to drop the topic.
And speak of the devil, they heard the knocking on the door. It opened and Cloud Chasers head peeked out of it and looked at Soarin with a mixture of glee and terror in her eyes.
“Be there in a second.” he answered, also whispering. Cloudchaser nodded as well and left, quietly closing the door. Macintosh raised an eyebrow and looked at Soarin, who by now was torn between freaking out and running away... and dancing with joy.
“Who?” red pony asked.
There was a generous pause, before Soarin finally let out of long sigh and announced with dead-eye seriousness.
“My first client!”
About a minute later, the door to the office opened and two ponies left it, chatting cheerfully.
“Eyup!” the pony answered happily.
“Just remember, keep it up for two to three dates, be yourself and remember everything I told you, then you'll be golden. And most importantly...” he stopped mid sentence and looked expectantly at the other stallion.
“Confidence!” red stallion finished. The pegasus couldn't smile prouder if he tried.
“Go get her, tiger! And remember, if you need me, I'm always here for you.”
“Eyup!”
Was this just a ruse and a bunch of lies? Yes. Could he do without pretending that Big Mac was his client? Probably. Was this immoral and frowned upon? Most likely. Did it help the newcomer, a lone, shivering earth pony seeking help, relax and gather a little more courage? Definitely. Was it worth it? All the way.
“Hey Macintosh, one more thing!” he caught his attention. Big Mac stopped and looked at his friend. Soarin took a small breath and said:
Macintosh looked at him for a short moment, before snorting, nodding and leaving without saying another word.
Author's Note
No fandom was (meant to be) offended. It still was, wasn't it? Don't take it seriously, too much at least.
So... I don't think I have anything to add. Let me know in the comments how it turned out. I still love comments.
7. Best job ever- the chronicles
Chapter 7: Best job ever- the chronicles
Cloud Chaser sat by her desk for a while now, hooves supporting her head. She glanced at the clock over the door. 11:26 AM. Not much progress since she last checked at 11:24AM, but it felt slightly shorter then when she waited from 11:20AM to 11:23AM, despite logically being a full minute longer. Logic had no place here. This house was the home of feelings first an foremost, whether it's love of her life allowing her to live here despite being broke and jobless for Celestia knows how long (probably not even Celestia knew), or friendship that connected her and Soarin and let him rent a room despite general awkwardness regarding what happened on the Summer Sun Celebration (before Nightmare Moon's return, that is), or even bitterness that Flitter felt toward Soarin, though in reality she liked him just as much, just had troubles expressing her true feelings to anypony in general. It took her forever to open up to Cloud Chaser even after they hooked up, it was just a matter of time before she brightened up to their new lodger as well. Especially now that he had a job and even gave her one, all without actually having to move out of cozy, comfortable and clean cottage (she loved alliteration). Of course, if it even works at all. Flitter was skeptical to this idea and wasn't too keen on dividing the house into what was basically a 'love clinic', but Cloud Chaser knew a few weaknesses of her fillyfriend that she could use to her advantage, she had no chance but to give in. Good times.
She wasn't bored. She expected a lot of downtime as a secretary, so she prepared some life savers in form of a newspaper, a random action-adventure book from public library (curiously, two of Soarin's friends actually ran it now), a fashion magazine she bought only because it came with free calendar which now adorned the wall of the office (though she would lie if she didn't enjoy the pinups and lingerie ads), and even one saucy, clearly not PG rated magazine she kept hidden in between stacks of mostly blank documents. She didn't touch any of them thus far, much too busy waiting and panicking. 11:34AM. Various thoughts flew through her head. What was taking them so long? This was supposed to be a short session, but it's been almost entire hour since the first client entered. Did something gone wrong? Did he bored Soarin to sleep? Was this a serial killer who killed him and escaped by window? Or even worse, was this beyond his abilities and this entire business is a bust? All this effort, so much hype and hope put into this project only for it to fail miserably and make things like they were before, except now with the added sour taste of regret?
"...and be sure to come by and tell me how it went," Cloud Chaser instantly perked up when she heard Soarin's voice coming from the door, which opened and he escorted the other pony to the desk. Both were smiling and none seemed stabbed, which was a good sign "Although, if you don't come back, I'll pretend it went perfectly and you won't need me anymore."
"I dunno," the client said, scratching his head "it sound's easy, but I don't think I can..."
"Tsk, tsk," Soarin shook his head and patted his client on his shoulder "what did I say about thinking?"
"Umm... don't?"
"See? You already sound like a pro."
Once the door were closed, the two tenants, love guru and his secretary, took a long, slow breath. They glanced at the clock. 11:41AM. Then their eyes went towards the desk, where an object was lying, which just two minutes ago, 11:39AM, wasn't there. Neither Cloud Chaser nor Soarin dared to pick it up, just looked at it with neutral expressions on their faces. It wasn't until 11:43AM that Cloud Chaser made the first move and raised her hoof ever so slowly, so that by 11:44AM it was closer to the object in question. A bead of sweat fell from her forehead. She looked at her employer. He nodded, which made the spike maned pegasi gulp and finally do it. She nudged the bag. It made a muffled, metallic sound. She prodded it again with same result. At 11:46AM, she finally took a long breath and finally opened the purse. It was, indeed, filled with golden bits. They knew it, but it was still impressive to think about it.
"Yup, it's money alright." Cloud Chaser nodded.
"Golden bits." Soarin agreed "Of course there's bits."
"Yeah, bits."
"Bits that we just made." Soarin nodded.
"We just earned a bag of bits." Cloud Chaser repeated, once again nudging the bag.
"For the first time."
"Our first payment..."
"...from the first client."
Some time passed, but for once, neither of them actually checked it.
"We just made our first money... from the first client." Soarin said again, but this information bears repeating, which is what his assistant provided in a higher pitched tone then usual.
"We made our first money!" Cloud Chaser almost shrieked, as a huge smile grew on her face.
"We made our first money!" Soarin said once again, because quite honestly, it felt so unreal he had to spell it out loud for them to truly believe, constantly. They couldn't take it anymore, it's been building up since 11:39AM and neither could deny it anymore. Simultaneously, both ponies almost exploded in a fit of giggles and squealing like little fillies.
"Squeeee!" both ponies agreed, as they hopped maniacally in one place for a short moment, before somehow ending up dancing together on the table, completely ignoring the mess of papers and various office tools they were making,, until a soft cover of a fashion magazine enacted vengeance for his desk buddies, by just being there, where Soarin's hoof landed and slipped, sending the pegasus falling on his back! In the last act of desperation, instead of using his wings like a normal pegasi, he grabbed the first thing that was in front of him, which turned out to be his secretary. Cloud Chaser, despite tomboyish appearance and mannerisms, wasn't strong enough to hold them both, which meant she plummeted right with him.
SMACK!
A bunch of papers flew through the office, once again messing up a perfectly clean floors. Soarin couldn't care about the mess on the other side of the desk, because his head hurt right here, right now. How long has it been since his last crash? So much training, so much getting used to it, only to find out that it still hurts. He tried to massage the throbbing pain in the back of his head, but his hooves were currently crushed by something else. Though that something else wasn't nearly as uncomfortable. In fact, Cloud Chasers hooves were pleasantly soft, if a little heavy, which could also be said about the rest of her body, now on top of him. She moaned from pain and rose her head, only to notice Soarin's face. About five inches away from hers.
"Y-you know..." she started blushing "... I never noticed that... your eyes are so..." she swallowed, before finishing "...green."
"Y-yeah, I know..." he responded, also captivated by her own eyes. He always considered her hot and cool (oh the irony) in a more masculine way, but cute? Not until now, though he wasn't sure whether it was her, or just a concussion messing with his perception "You're eyes are so... purple."
None of them noticed the the pony that slowly opened the door, but just as soon closed it and left
Lyra sighed deeply, blushing heavily. So close, yet still so far away. She cursed herself internally. She wasn't a coward, she could play her lyre in the open space for tens if not hundreds of ponies without a problem... yet she had hard time approaching one pony that could help her get what she wanted the most.
"..."
"That's besides the point!" Lyra blushed.
"..."
Lyra stopped moving and facehooved "I'm talking to a rock!"
"..." Darwin admitted, making Lyra blush furiously.
"S-shut up! I don't wanna hear that from you!" she lashed out at the rock, attracting the attention of several shopkeepers on the market. Applejack raised an eyebrow and tried to ask her something, but Lyra just smiled and dashed away, cursing her existence.
Back in the office, two blushing ponies, one atop the other, were slowly getting really awkward. Soarin waited for Cloud Chaser to patiently move away from him, but deep inside, he enjoyed her soft, warm coat on him. Who wouldn't?
Cloud Chasers eyes widened at the question. She opened her mouth, then quickly closed it. She moved a bit closer to his face, dangerously closer then even before and whispered...
All of a sudden, all the romanticism poofed and disappeared and both ponies instantly smiled and chuckled.
"Careful. From today on, this could be called sexual harassment... boss."
"Tempting." he smiled seductively "I might take you up on that offer..."
Unlike previously, this time the two managed to hear the door opening and noticed a very spooked, blushing mare at the entrance.
"Welcome to Big S, home of Love Consultant and Guru," Soarin quickly established eye contact with the mare. It took a second for Cloud Chaser to notice that Soarin was no longer under her. Like many, she took a moment to remember that he was indeed, a Wonderbolt once "please don't mind the mess." he continued, charming the mare with his eyes, just so he had time to fix his mane without anypony noticing. Aside from Cloud Chaser of course, but she was busy getting up and fixing her own hair. Again.
"Chasey, be a dear and get us some tea." he asked her, escorting a client to his room, picking up his glasses along the way.
"Sure thing... boss."
"Geez, let me guess, your job is ama-- wait for it, --zing and you feel like a king of the world, yadda, yadda, good for youl."
Hoof it over to Thunderlane when it comes to messing up a good atmosphere at their usual hangout at Sugarcube Corner. Five stallions couldn't help but just roll their eyes at the sight of their friend being in bad mood, once again.
"Blossom dumped him." Doctor shortly answered "Again."
The group of friends nodded. They went past the 'it's a big deal' phase long ago and just called it 'Friday'. Since moving in Ponyville, Soarin (and other two as well) already witnessed it three times, only for them to be back together again two days later, at worst. Before that happened, both Thunderlane and Blossom had to be either avoided or treated very carefully. Ponyville's Weather Patrol already had contingencies for that planned in advance. And when your local branch has more training with babysitting troubled couples then they had with actual weather, you knew you had a problem. Soarin himself couldn't quite figure out what to think about the pair.
"You know," Soarin started "if you want some help with your relationship, I could try to help you." emphasis on 'try' "I mean, I am a professional now."
Thunderlane looked at him for a moment and after a short pause, he sighed deeply.
"You failed." Prince responded dryly. He earned a jab at his ribs from both Shiny and Big Mac.
"I know," Thunderlane stood up from his seat " Look, I'm just not in the mood, guys. I'll better go home, before I burn down the rest of my relationships."
With that said, he left the shop, hopefully stopping the contagion of his nasty mood. Soarin made a mental note to himself to try and talk to Blossomforth in near future, just in case he missed something important.
"So," Doctor mercifully stopped the awkward silence "it's been almost a week now. How's your job going?"
Soarin chuckled at that "I could tell you, but Thunderlane beat me to it. Simply awesome. Although, sometimes..."
A quarreling couple entered his room just a moment ago. They couldn't stop bickering for even a moment, going as much as wasting their precious time, sitting on the same couch, while Soarin observed and listened carefully, before going into action and giving them some suggestions.
He was swiftly ignored. On one hoof, he was glad his advice worked out... better then he imagined. On the other, he was starting to feel really uneasy.
"Can I at least join?"
"Look, what I'm about to say might sound a little... not right, but all things considered, I'm here for you, right? Yes, I am. That's my job, to help ponies like you. And to do that, I must face you with the harsh, but necessary truth of the matter. It's all for your own good when I'll say it, so please don't take it the wrong way, but... see, this is harder than I thought, but..." he took a deep breath. There was no easy way to say it.
"...and like, he doesn't even say anything, like, what am I, not good enough for him? Pshh, filly please, dude doesn't know what he's missing. Like the other day, I went to him and I was talkin' bout the dance coming soon, like how nopony invited me and I kinda wanted to go, which was a lie, one guy was totally into me and kept bugging me but please, me? With that dweeby little nerd? I have standards, I'll have you know, like, I won't just go with anypony! Can you imagine what would others say if they saw me with him in one place? Eww, my rep would be like, sooo gone and I gotta keep up my image, you know? So anyway, I was hinting that stud, but he was just standing there, looking at me like I'm some piece of art, well, can't blame him, I mean, where do you think I got this purse? Marremani original, my daddy bought it for me when he was in Canterlot, at least he knows what a little treasure I am, unlike somepony else I know. So, what d'ya suppose I should do?"
Soarin's eye twitched. He listened to every single word that his client said. He regretted it dearly. He took of his glasses for a moment to massage temples between his eyes.
"Maybe... maybe I'm just ugly?" the pegasi mare on the couch sobbed, burying her face in hooves. Soarin's heart almost broke at that view. She wasn't exactly the prettiest mare he saw in his life, but she was by no means ugly. Hearing somepony like that having problems with finding a mate hurt. He knew something wasn't quite right, but couldn't quite put his hoof on it. He needed some more answers. But first, she needed to calm down.
"Oh come on, that's not true."
The mare sniffed and turned one eye to him "R-really?" he nodded gently in response. She calmed down a little, but didn't stop frowning "You're just saying that to make me feel better." she pouted and lowered her head. Soarin went from his seat and sat before her.
"I'm saying that, because I believe it." he said with great conviction.
"Y-you think I'm pretty?"
"Yes, I do. And I know every stallion in the world thinks so too."
"Every... stallion..." she blushed She was feeling better already. One more push should be all he'd need.
"Yes. I bet there are a lot of guys waiting to date a beauty like you."
"E-even you?" she asked suddenly. Soarin raised an eyebrow. It was getting dangerous, the line was drawing closer and closer, one bad step and he will cross it. Still, she had those sweet, innocent eyes and he wasn't good at saying no to them.
"Yes, I guess..."
"I DO TOO!" she pounced at him, promptly smashing him to the ground with her own body. He had no time to react, only screamed and fell, hugged tightly by the surprisingly strong pegasi mare. She nuzzled his face a bit too affectionately "And we'll be together for-e-ver," he tried to deny, but his lungs were crushed too tightly to make a single sound out, let out getting away with his own strength "and I will never, ever, ever, ever let you go... unlike those last three liars." at least the mystery was solved. He still couldn't breathe, which was a downside of being held tightly by an average looking mare. Which was the least of his problems anyway.
The rescue came in form of his doors getting kicked off the hinges by none other, than his lovely secretary, as she rushed in the room with two strongly built stallions, each wearing a guard vest and batons strapped to their hooves.
"NO! Nopony will deny our everlasting love! Not this time!"
One of the guards stepped forward "M'am, leave him alone and just come quietly, we don't want anypony to be hurt!"
"NEVER!"
Soarin used the commotion to struggle his head out of the headlock to grasp some air and attempt to save himself.
All of a sudden, the grip loosened. The crazy mare opened her eyes wide and looked at Soarin.
"No."
"But..."
"It was all just a misunderstanding... sorry."
The mare opened her mouth, but closed them afterward. It seemed like she calmed down just enough to fully let go of Soarin and lower her head with shame.
"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!" the mare stood up on her rear hooves, pulled out some small object from... wherever she had it and tossed it under her, creating a large smokescreen. Next thing they heard, was a sound of glass shattering. Once the smokescreen faded, she was gone. The guards groaned and rushed towards the exit, leaving Soarin and Cloud Chaser alone, with the smoking room and broken window.
"Huh..." Soarin hummed, scratching his head "...that just happened."
"Yeah." Cloud Chaser nodded. She waited for a moment before continuing "Lets pretend nothing ever happened, ok?"
"Sure."
They both nodded in agreement. Soarin got up and massaged his hooves, just glad that it was over. He shot a glance at the door, now fallen out of its hinges.
To which, Cloud Chaser slyly smiled and said
Soarin smiled and nodded with acknowledgment.
Suddenly, the crazy mare crawled out from under the desk and looked at two pegasi.
Back to present, four stallions looked at Soarin with their eyebrows raised. The blue pegasi himself hummed and scratched his head.
That time, when they decided that nothing will surprise them anymore? Yeah, nopony remembered it anymore.
What helped him get through this week, was of course spending it with his friends. Not just his Element friends, but also his Disciple Trio, which now become his new clients. They had a large discounts for helping with advertisements and they used that generously during the day. And while they had a great mentor, their road was still long ahead...
"Guys, really," Soarin shook his head "I say it so much it should be burned into your heads by now. When I say 'confidence', I mean 'all the time'."
"Yeah, easy for you to say," Poindexter pouted and crossed his hooves "it's easy to you, I'm just a nerd, not a former idol."
"YEAH!"
"Dude, you're not helping!"
Soarin sighed once again.
They blinked "A what now?"
"A pie." Soarin confirmed "When you want a pie, what do you do?"
The trio shrugged.
Soarin's eye twitched. That metaphor was going places he'd rather avoid.
"Umm..."
"And if you don't get it in one place, you look in another. You want a pie and won't stop until you get it. Do you get it?"
The trio looked at each other and shrugged.
"Okay then, how about a little exercise?" he pointed at Poindexter, now looking perplexed as ever "Say how much you want a pie!"
"I dunno, it sounds stupid..."
"Come on, work with me here! Say that you want a pie!"
Poindexter scratched his head. He didn't see any reason or logic in talking about pies when he was trying to learn how to woo a lady, but Soarin wasn't wrong before. He scrounged up some courage to say it.
"You want what?
"A pie."
"Now say it with more conviction."
"I want a pie."
"Louder!"
"I want a pie!"
"More confidence!"
"I want a pie!"
"Again!"
"I want a pie!"
"Keep it coming!"
"I WANT A PIE!"
Soarin slowly clapped his hooves, while Poindexter breathed heavily. He had to admit, that feeling, as unreasonable it was, was pretty good. He had cravings for some pie, but more importantly, knew that he was not to be denied one. The energy surging through his body felt amazing!
"Alright, now you try!" Soarin pointed at Hemp Leaf.
Hemp shrugged "Okay, I want a pie."
"Again and louder!"
"I WANT A PIE!"
"Awesome! Now you try!" he pointed at Bulk this time... and clogged his ears while he had a chance.
"I WANT A PIE!"
"Good. Now everypony!"
The three took a breath and released it together, bound by a perfect synchronization.
"Again!"
"WE WANT A PIE!"
"I brought a pie!" said Pinkie Pie.
"AAAAAH!" four stallions reacted as expected, falling from their respective seats onto the ground. They breathed heavily, watching puzzled at Pinkie Pie that just spontaneously appeared in the room, armed with a cheerful smile and a tray of freshly baked apple pie in her hoof. It took a moment for their hearts to calm down and resume their beatings in regular tempo. Only after achieving that (Pinkie waited patiently), Soarin finally confronted her.
"Pinkie Pie, what... how... why are you here?"
"Oh you know the usual, I was working, baking cakes and cupcakes, when suddenly my nose was twitcha-twiching, my eyes were batting and I sneezed, which usually means..."
"Pie emergency, I know." Soarin finished, sighing. He should have figured out saying the word 'Pie' too much, with enough conviction, would activate the 'Summon Pinkie Pie' spell. At least he knew his Disciples were getting better at it.
"But this time, I was ready!" she beamed proudly, then left the pie on the desk "Oh well, my cameo's done, gotta go back to my work. See ya!" and then she left the room, this time via normal doors.
The Trio looked at the door, then at the pie, finally at Soarin.
As Pinkie walked through the office, she waved towards Cloud Chaser.
"Hi Pinkie!" she waved her hoof at her, not even letting go of the magazine she was reading.
"I left Soarin a pie, but I gotta go back now. Bye Cloud Chaser."
"Bye Pinkie!"
And she was gone.
Moments later, Cloud Chaser had a sudden epiphany.
After making sure that's confirmed, she gladly got back to her seat and resumed reading.
Author's Note
I enjoy writing Pinkie Pie cameos waaaaaaay too much. And I dont even like her that much! Meanwhile BEST PONY (Rarity) is nowhere to be seen. Go figure.
That annoying rich client is NOT Diamond Tiara, as much as you deny it.
Also- failing yet again to make Thunderlane likeable. Hopefully the next story (Thundy centric) will fix him.
9. Best job ever- another lame title
Chapter 9: Best job ever- another lame title
"You're a moron."
"..."
"Silly, dumb stallion, that's who you are. You know that?"
"...yes."
"I mean, seriously, how stupid can a pony be?"
"Ok, I get it! I blew it, geez, sue me!"
"Can't. There's no law against stupidity. Believe me, I checked."
"Shame. Because I feel like a criminal."
Caramel sighed heavily. Despite having her about about a hoof away, he didn't dare look her in the eyes. The memory of yesterday was way too strong, or else he wouldn't have spent last night and first half of today wallowing in self pity, or whatever ponies were supposed to do when they're depressed. In his defense, he had no idea what went wrong, even after Soarin and Cloud Chaser came to his rescue. Mostly Cloud Chaser though, because despite all his claims and experience, Soarin was as helpless as he was. Thankfully, his lovely secretary wasn't afraid of ginger maned carrot farmers and managed to have a long, heartfelt conversation with her, while two stallions sat quietly in the back. Whatever she told her, it worked to some degree. Carrot Top was about a hoof away from him, surrounded by a bunch of crates and heavy objects and none of them got smashed on his head. That alone marked a humongous progress.
"Caramel?" Carrot Top asked, trying to catch a glimpse of his face, but failing as he constantly avoided her "Look, maybe we started on the wrong hoof. I mean, I might have kinda gone a little overboard..."
"You threw a table!" Cloud Chaser interjected, rolling her eyes "With plates, bowls, utensils and all..."
"Ok, I went A LOT overboard, but I just... you know..." she shifted a little "...I also wanted to say... you know... sorry."
Caramel slowly turned towards her, now blushing slightly.
Carrot Top opened her mouth, but quickly closed it and instead stepped forward and gave him a small peck on his right cheek. His ears immediately perked up as he covered himself in a blush.
Carrot Top giggled, and soon Caramel was as well. Cloud Chaser took that as a god sign and retreated into the background to join Soarin, who up to this point was sitting quietly and observing from a safe distance, hoping not to break anything else. But what he saw now didn't seem like it would break that easily.
"Come on, help me packing," he heard Carrot Top say to her friend "the sooner we get home, the better."
"Did I hear a 'we'?"
"Of course. I promised you a dinner, did I not? Unless you're not hungry..."
"I'm starving!"
And so they spent the rest of the day cleaning up the carrot stand, chatting and giggling like mad, before slowly but surely departing from the marketplace, with Caramel being gentlecolt enough to offer to ride the cart for her. A feat that was greatly appreciated and regretted later. Carrot Top might be just a simple mare living simple dreams, but she was also freakishly strong, not quite Apple family level, but a farmer nonetheless, while Caramel wasn't. He got a dinner and a little extra for his efforts, so it was more than worth it, at least that's what Soarin heard later.
"Well, I'd say that's a job well done!" Cloud Chaser cheered for herself, as the two matchmakers left for home "But damn, am I good or what? You'd think being committed and gay would disqualify me from being the most awesome matchmaker ever, but there ya go! Ha, if only I knew this was so easy, I would've started a business myself! Hey, now there's an idea! Maybe I could open my own... uhm, studio? Clinic? What do we even call ourselves?"
The silence that followed her question finally made her stop on her tracks and look behind her.
"One Golden Rainbow!"
"Comin' right up!"
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, along with his heart, focusing on his thoughts alone. It wasn't quite as hard as usual, if only because Monday early evenings were not among the most crowded work days. Barely few ponies aside from him resided at the seats, quietly sipping soft, alcoholic beverages and quietly talking with each other, while a soft, moody jazz from an old jukebox played in the background. He could imagine the topics were as usual: hoofball, work, movies, dating.
Ever since discovering Nirvana, it was his favorite place to be, other than his own bed at home. Today, he couldn't bring himself to cheer up like he always did when visiting this place. He noticed some familiar faces all around, mostly some mares from Ponyville chatting among themselves, gossiping and giggling, but he quietly ignored them and concentrated on his multicolored, unhealthy and overpriced drink. He took a single sip. And he couldn't bring himself to take another, as if it lost all the flavor he loved it for. He sighed deeply and just stared at it, only occasionally nudging the small, paper umbrella. And for some reason, he didn't find it amusing.
"Bartender, one Pina Coltada for me," said a mare walking to the counter "and another, umm... whatever he has, for the gentlecolt over here. My treat."
Soarin couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. He didn't realize there were lonely mares here, but apparently his charm worked even when he turned it off. He turned over to notice a familiar, unique mint green coat he saw so much both here, as well as in Ponyville, but never had a chance to talk to her, until now. She smiled sheepish and waved at him. Even despite the dim lighting, he could still see the sweat coming from her forehead.
"...hi?" he greeted her back, mostly confused than anything else. He could swear Lyra didn't swing his way, yet here she was. His gaydar was never wrong. Except the day he met Cloud Chaser and Flitter. And Stephen Magnet. But these were exceptions. Unless she wasn't here for that.
"So yeah, hi, umm..." Lyra scratched her head and hesitated for a moment. After a longer while than it actually was, she coughed and extended a hoof towards him "I'm Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings, but friends call me Lyra. In fact, everypony calls me Lyra, because Ms Heartstrings is my mother and..." her ears fell flat, as she looked at Soarin's raising eyebrow "I'm not very good at first impressions, am I?"
"Well... you have potential." which was a nice way to say...
"I know, I suck." she sighed heavily and shook her head in resignation, sitting right next to Soarin right when she got her drink "I mean, I've been trying to approach you for over a week now, but every single time something went wrong!" Soarin was about to raise a hoof and ask for details, when Lyra grabbed a necklace she had on her and put it on the counter. She looked at it for a moment, before rolling her eyes and pouting "Okay, by something went wrong, I mean myself. Darwin was the only friend I could turn to but unlike him, I never listened! Then again, that's the story of my life, I never listen to anything, especially not the good ideas!"
"Darwin?"
"Yeah, he's my," she grabbed the necklace to show it to Soarin, but she instantly realized how it made her look, holding out a rock on a chain, with a nameplate to a boot. Her face covered itself in a heavy blush "Oh, uhm, this isn't what it looks like. He's... it's just a..."
"Pet rock?"
"...a pet ro--... wait, how did you know that?"
Soarin shrugged "I was raised in Manehattan in my early years. Pet rocks were all the rage back then. I never got one, instead my parents gave me a goldfish."
Lyra blinked "Wait, so pet rocks are actually a thing? And not something Pinkie Pie made up on spot?"
"Her family runs one of the largest rock farms this side of Equestria, ponies all over the world pay a hefty price for their stuff. You really didn't know that?"
"Y-yes, of course I knew, I... well, okay, I didn't know," her ears flattened, horn glowing, slowly bringing the glass closer "I always thought they were the placebo-thingies, that if you believe in them they talk back, but it's all in your head... and... and I sound like a crazy pony again!" resigned, she put the straw in her mouth and started slowly sipping, if only to stop herself from crying.
As miserable as she looked right now, Soarin couldn't take a pity on her, if only because she was so funny to watch. Cute too, which was a shame that her mind was set on a single pony that wasn't himself, otherwise he would've hit on her right there, day one since he arrived to Ponyville.
"So anyhow," she coughed and looked Soarin straight into eyes, blushing "I wanted to ask you for... you know, a little something..." another smile cracked at Soarin's face. Almost as adorable and awkward as Shining Armor "...b-but don't take it the wrong way, It's not like I'm hitting on to you, not that you're not handsome and probably really good in bed and stuff, but I just... damn, now I sound like a character from a teen novel, I just wanted to ask for... for..."
"You want to hook up with Bon Bon?"
"I want to hook up with Bo--..." she stopped, her mouth still opened "...how did you...?"
"Everypony can see it."
"Yeah, that... I could kinda use some help with that. There, I said it! Huh, not nearly as hard as I thought!"
"Sorry, but I can't."
"Oh," she scratched her head "well okay, I guess you're tired, so I'll come back tomorrow? I only make really bad first impressions, which is a good thing we're past that already."
"No."
Lyra blinked "What do you mean no?"
"No more," his hooves shivered "I-I can't do it anymore. It was a stupid idea in the first place. I got caught up in the hype with everypony, but deep inside, I knew this was going to crumble."
Lyra raised an eyebrow and carefully inspected Soarin's face. If he was lying, he was really good at it. If it was a joke, then it was the least funny thing she heard in years. She gulped.
"Not anymore."
"Not enough clients?"
"No, I had a busy week."
"So what, ponies don't like it?"
"Everypony seems satisfied, with few exceptions."
"It's tiresome?"
"Not more than any other job I had."
"Trouble with coworkers?"
"Nah. My secretary is awesome."
Lyra thought for a while before shrugging.
For a moment, Soarin contemplated just ending the conversation here and now, but he couldn't just leave Lyra hanging. One simple glance at her pleading, caring face instantly melted any resistance he ever had. He explained the entire situation with Caramel and Carrot Top, starting from the moment Caramel first entered his office, up until parting with Cloud Chaser.
"So... you're just upset because somepony had to clean your mess? That doesn't sound like a big deal to me."
"It's not about that!" his head dropped "I just... because I acted like some kinda know-it-all and made Caramel trust me, I-I almost got them both hurt! No, scratch that, I hurt them! A lot! And I would've hurt them even more if Cloud Chaser wasn't nearby to help me. I knew this was going to happen eventually," his head lowered even more "I knew I was going to fail, someday, somehow... but I didn't know it would be this bad!"
"Oh come on, you make it sound like this is the end of the world! You said it yourself, everything's fine now, no need to worry!"
"It is now.... but what next? What if something happens that's beyond me or Cloud Chaser? What if I mess up so bad, nothing will help?" he slumped over the counter and covered himself in his hooves "I-I don't know how I could live knowing that somewhere out there, ponies are heartbroken and hurt because of me!"
"Okay, you're over acting a little there..."
"Am I?" he turned to Lyra and moved a little too close for comfort "Who do you think comes to me for help? Strong, confident types that can handle rejection? No, the opposite- the shy, the unpopular, the wea--..." he stopped mid sentence, slapping his hooves on his mouth. Lyra was not amused.
"Go on," she raised an eyebrow and crossed her hooves "say it."
"... l-look, the point is... just thinking about it makes me feel sick! Seeing Caramel in tears, then realizing I can't help him at all, I... I don't think I can take it! I can't live knowing that one day, another pony will come back in tears, except this time, I won't be able to help at all! I can't be responsible for ruining other ponies life, even if I didn't mean it. This is too much responsibility for one pony to have!" for the emphasis, he slammed his head to the counter and left it there, faced away from Lyra and rest of the world.
With that dramatic declaration over with, Soarin sighed deeply. His dream job of helping other ponies, making them happy the way only he knew how, was over. He couldn't picture himself ever going to his office again without fearing the worst. Today he was saved, but not everything can be solved that easily. This time was a fluke, but he wasn't perfect and gingers were the least of his problems. He knew it deep inside, his talent was only a boon to himself and as much as he wanted to share it with the world, he couldn't guarantee everything would be fine. And nothing less than 100% was good enough for him.
"Who the buck do you think you are?"
His ears perked as he slowly turned towards Lyra. The shy, meek smile she sported before was gone, replaced by a visible frown and twitching eyebrows.
"I get it, you made a mistake. I make a lot of them myself. I mean, for Pete's sake, last few days I was talking to a rock because I'm too scared to spit it out! I needed your help because I thought you were an expert. But you aren't."
"I'm sorry..."
"You're just a guy with god complex!"
"I... what?"
Out of all the things said to him, some were true, some were false. Some he heard often, some less so, but as far as his memory could go, this was the first time he heard it. God complex, him? And yet, Lyra didn't flinch and seemed like she knew what she was talking about.
"That's not how I think!"
"Do you?" she closed herself to his face, dangerously closely looking him deep in his eyes "Then what was that you said about Carrot Top and Caramel? That you ruined their lives because one of them happened to be a ginger (which by the way, is the dumbest reason I ever heard)? That their lives are over because you messed up? That you had to be saved by somepony else, a lower pony than a God of Love himself?"
"I-I never said anything like that..." he tried to interject, but was swiftly ignored.
"Well then here's a newsflash to you- ponies got together and broke up waaaaay before you were ever born! And there were others like you, who claimed to know it all and failed. Do you think anypony blames them for that"
"Well..."
"Of course they blame THEM! Because they're too much of wimps to do what it takes by themselves! And when that doesn't help, they shift all the blame to everypony BUT themselves! And guess what? That's a normal thing to do. What isn't normal, is thinking that all the problems of this world revolve around you!"
"But I hurt them..."
"Hurt shmurt! Another newsflash for you- we always get hurt! We hurt when we fall, when somepony says mean things, when your loved one doesn't return your feelings..." she stopped for a moment and sighed. Soarin couldn't help but notice that her eyes gravitated towards one of the few occupied tables at the bar, where Bon Bon and two other mares chatted and giggled, oblivious to everything else that happened nearby. Lyra collected herself and continued "...bottom line is, stop with this whole 'I don't want to hurt the world' thing someponies have and just deal with it. Yeah, we hurt all the times, whatever, concentrate on the good side. I've seen those you helped. From what I can tell, most of them hurt before you met them. Look me deep in the eyes and tell me, wasn't it all worth it? "
Soarin hesitated for a moment and turned away. Lyra was still too close and didn't seem like she would be going anywhere.
"And besides, if you mess up with something, you always have friends who can help you, like they did today." she leaned towards Soarin and grabbed his hooves with hers "you have Cloud Chaser. Prince Blueblood, Shining Armor, Big Macintosh, Thunderlane, and..." she stopped for a moment to look at Soarin's raised eyebrow. She rolled her eyes and sighed "Three new stallions appear in the town on the same day, of course we know your names! Whatever, the point is, friends are for just that, helping you fix your mess. And I know for a fact, that if they ever asked you, you would've been there for them as well. Or, if they failed, you could ask, well..." Lyra blushed a little, and scratched her head, before slightly turning away and saying it "...me. I mean, after all this talk, I guess we're friends too... if you want."
Soarin opened his mouth to answer... but couldn't. He honestly tried to think a good counter argument, he wanted to win this little debate and go back to... wallowing in self pity? It was then, that something dawned on him. Last hour or so, especially before coming to bar and talking to Lyra, he was doing something really wrong, not because he wanted to, but because he panicked. He was thinking. Instead of doing what he always did and stick to his feelings, he started analyzing stuff like he was some sort of scholar, which he obviously wasn't. In fact, the last action he performed when it came to his feelings, was calling Cloud Chaser for help. And that was his last good idea in a while.
"Three more to our table please," a cream colored mare walked to the counter, before noticing Soarin and Lyra, at which point she chuckled and smiled brightly "Oh, don't mind me, lovebirds."
"B-b-bon Bon!" Lyra covered herself in a blush at the sudden appearance of her loved one. And then she noticed that she was still holding hands with Soarin, looking into each other "I-I can explain!"
"From what I can see, you don't have to," she exclaimed with a bright smile "I'll leave some dinner in the fridge and the keys will be, well, you know where."
"B-b-but..."
"Not that I expect you to come home tonight, if you catch my drift," she winked at Lyra, completely shutting her friend's brain with last comment. Lyra released Soarin's hooves and turned away, sulking. Bon Bon turned to Soarin "Please take a good care of Lyra. She can a little silly sometimes, but she's a good mare."
"I noticed." he nodded.
Bon Bon smiled even wider, before closing herself on Soarin. Her face all of a sudden darkened and her glare pierced his soul.
Soarin gulped "Y-yes, m'am."
Few seconds later, Bon Bon smiled again and walked back.
It took a few seconds for Soarin to shake the cold feeling he got from Bon Bon. He looked over to Lyra, who at this point was slumped over the counter, sobbing. He nudged her, but other than whine, she didn't do much to show her life signals. Soarin walked over her to notice what he expected- a tear-eyed mint unicorn.
His plan was simple and consisted of two easy steps. Step one was, obviously, calming her client down. And he knew just the thing to say.
"R-really?"
"Yup. I've been in love with Spitfire for years. But I never told her."
"Why?"
"I dunno. I'm too shy. I'm not sure what she feels about me. I don't think I'm worth it. I think she deserves better than a playcolt like me. I'm ashamed I had to leave Wonderbolts. Something along those lines. Also she's ginger, so anything could go wrong."
"Again with the gingers..."
"I can't help it! They're cursed, that's all there is to it!"
Lyra chuckled at that. Now that he could see her smile, he was ready for step two.
"Y-you will?" she jumped at him and hugged him tightly "Oh thankyouthankyouthankyou!"
"B-breath... n-need... to..."
She un-hugged him instantly and blushed "Oops, sorry!"
After taking a few deep breathes and making sure Lyra made herself presentable, he went on to describe the plan to her in every detail. Which took about five seconds.
"W-wait, we're doing it now?"
"No better time than present!"
"B-but I'm not ready!"
"You'll never be ready!"
All the way over, Lyra tried to force herself out, but couldn't overpower her new former sports-star trained by Spitfire friend and had to go with the flow. She stopped struggling once she ended up right next to the table three sets of eyes concentrated on her. Or Soarin. Or both.
"Hey Soarin, Lyra, what brings you here?" asked Bon Bon, still smiling as brightly as ever.
"Oh you know," Soarin hoofwaved "just saying that me and Lyra are not dating, because she's madly in love with you and never had the courage to tell you so she hired me to do it for her. Enjoy."
As expected, the floors of 'Nirvana' shook slightly and even the music screeched to a halt, which happened sometimes when multiple jaws hit the ground. Soarin looked smiled as he noticed four mares with their mouths agape and waited patiently for the events to unfold themselves. He glanced at his new mint-green friend, who grew redder by the second. Her eyebrows started twitching as she turned to him.
"SOARIN!" she shouted at the smiling pegasi. He just shrugged "W-why..." she trembled and her eyes started tearing, before she couldn't take it anymore and did what everypony would in her place.
She turned away and started running, with her eyes closed and crying, not even in slightest caring where she would end up, just as long as it is far away from here. She didn't care about ponies she would run into, walls she'd have to either crash or crash on, anywhere was better than here. She had so many regrets along the way- not being able to take care of her own love life, falling in love with a perfect mare, her best friend at that, a friendship that was now over forever. She regretted being born a mare herself, thus making her life that much harder. And most of all, she regretted ever trusting Soarin, who just up and ruined her life in five seconds flat. She hated him. But she hated herself even more.
"But I'm right here." the pegasus answered. She turned to her right to notice him, waving to her from distance. Still running, she slowly turned her head to her left side and noticed Cherry Berry and Colgate, still sitting on their chairs. Her pace slowly decreased, gallop turned into trot, then to simple walk before she eventually stopped and slowly and carefully turned around. Only then did Bon Bon finally spat out her tail and straightened herself out. Their eyes met, but both quickly turned away, blushing furiously.
Somewhere in the background, the bartender went over to music box and bucked it a few times, bringing back the jazz song it once played. Colgate and Cherry Berry joined hooves and held their breathes, looking at the development. Soarin chuckled as he watched the two mares carefully shooting a glance at each other. Once in a while one of them coughed and opened their mouths, but nothing ever came to it, as each one waited for the other to say something first. Few minutes of awkward silence later, Soarin rolled his eyes and went to Lyra and jabbed her in the back, making her squeal, pushing her a few steps closer to Bon Bon. Once that close, she hesitated, before finally breaking the silence.
"W-well... what he said," she scratched her head. Bon Bon opened her mouth to say something, but Lyra held a hoof forward and interrupted her "look, before you say anything, I just have to say that, yes, I... I've been having a slight crush on you since we were fillies. Then it turned into a bigger crush, then I realized I'm a filly fooler and I hid it from the world for years, and then you asked if I wanted to be your roommate and I was so ecstatic I said yes before thinking about stuff, but then it was too late and I told myself that I should stop liking you, but I couldn't and it was driving me nuts! S-so I thought, heck, why not, I'll get this over with, get a bunch of chocolate ice-cream and cry myself into a pony sized pillow with your image on it, and by the way, yes, I realize how creepy that sounds and I don't blame you if you hate me for eternity,"
"Me too."
"I just wanted you to know that you are the most beautiful, kind, generous mare I ever known and... and... you what?"
"I... I love you too, Lyra!"
"...what the huh?"
"D'aaaaawwwww!" Cherry Berry and Colgate cooed happily.
"I gotta be honest with you, Lyra, I also liked LIKED you since the day we met," she also scratched her head, almost perfectly mimicking Lyra in that motion "b-but I never thought you felt like that... too... so, you know..."
"But, what about back there, at the counter, you said you don't mind me and... him..."
"She was sooooooo jelly," Cherry Berry interjected into the conversation "she was all like, 'ugh, look at that bozo, if he so much as touches her...' "
Colgate giggled and added some comments herself "And don't forget the classic 'but I only want her to be happy, so I'll just scare him a bit'. That was so cute!"
"Cherry, Colgate... shut up."
The moment of awkwardness suddenly stopped and both mares finally looked straight into each other, still blushing but no longer ashamed of each other.
"Kiss already!" shouted Cherry Berry, Colgate nodding and cheering them to do so. Lyra rolled her eyes and looked at them with annoyance.
"Girls, please! We're trying to have a mo--" she stopped for a moment, as Bon Bon pecked her on the cheek. Anypony who believed there couldn't be more blush on a pony had something new to work with "...-ment."
The moment was interrupted by somepony walking by them. Whatever brought the pink party planner over to the bar at this hour, on Monday no less, was beyond anyponys guess.
"Oh hey, just the pony we needed!" Soarin walked over to greet her "Pinkie, do you know what time it is?"
"It's seven PM."
"No Pinkie, it isn't."
"What?" she looked at her hoof watch and shook it a bit "I swear it worked properly just this morning, unless... Ooh, of course!" she produced a small canon from nowhere and put it on the ground "It's time for CELEBRATION!" she shot the cannon, covering the entire bar with colorful streamers, confetti, balloons and even a large banner saying:
'Congratulations, Bon Bon and Lyra Forever Love'
Soarin tilted his head looking at the banner.
The rest was a history, as they say. Nopony was wise, or dumb, enough to ask how Pinkie managed to get all the party supplies with her or what that cannon was all about. All that mattered were two mares that always belonged together but only just now realized it and used it as an excuse to celebrate with their friends and anypony in general that they could find in the bar as well. Soarin's service might've been free of charge this time, but the drinks for everypony from the new couple were definitely not cheap, but worth it.
SMACK!"
"OW!" Soarin massaged his hurting head. He looked over at the mint-green assailant "Why did you do that?"
"You could've warned me! Jerk!" Lyra pouted and looked away "Be glad it ended well, or else I would never forgive you for that."
"I am glad," he chuckled "I don't want to lose a friend as good as you."
Lyra smiled and nodded.
"What are friends for."
The party was at full swing, now that every single random pony from Ponyville and Horsetown appeared and all of a sudden everypony lost any idea on why it begun in the first place. All it was now, was a bunch of half-drunk ponies dancing and having a good time, nopony even bothering the new couple. And to be perfectly honest, that’s what they wanted the most right now, as they danced together in the middle of the crowds, which to them might have been an empty hallway for all they cared. And all they cared, was a pony right in front of them. Unlike every other subject in life, this was one place where Lyra was the superior, musically inclined pony and among her talents dancing was one of them. For Bon Bon, it wasn't and by the end of the night, Lyra's hooves were aching from the attempts of her new fillyfriend. She was no less perfect anyway.
Stompstompstomp.
Flitter was tired. Her co-worker had to take an early leave, meaning she was forced to work overtime or else the whole company would break down, burn to cinders, get teleported into another dimension or, probable resolution, nothing would happen. And yet her manager insisted and even baited her with some extra payment, which she couldn't easily reject. Since coming back home, all she ever wanted was to lie down, eat dinner and calmly read some good book before going to sleep. First two items were easy enough, but third one proved to be a challenge, courtesy of her nervous fillyfriend.
"Could you please stop walking around? You'll drill the hole in the floor!"
Stompstompstomp.
"What if something happened?" Cloud Chaser asked mostly herself, still walking around dinner table in a circle "What if he had an accident? Or... or... or somepony attacked him?"
"You're panicking," Flitter rolled her eyes "He's a big stallion, he can take care of himself."
"But-but... what if he accidentally went to Everfree Forest?"
"Okay, now you're being ridiculous!"
"What if he... what if he was attacked by a wild manticore? Or-or some ghost? Or a giant pony-eating plant monster!"
"Pfft, where did you even get that idea from?"
"Flitty, I'm not kidding!" Cloud Chaser stopped circling to lean over her fillyfriend, for once not there to ravage her in a good way (or bad) "What if I hurt his feelings? What if he really took my bragging to himself? I didn't want this to happen, it just felt good to talk him down, but I never meant anything mean, I was just teasing, that's all..."
"Honeys, I'm home!" Soarin shouted from the door as he entered, encountering his two roommates, one over the other, acting all spooked as they turned towards him. Caught red hooved, as always. He smiled "Don't mind the super handsome stallion and carry on."
For once, their reactions didn't involve screaming and throwing random stuff his direction, instead both looked at him.
"Sorry," he scratched his head "I was just, umm, working on some special case. Lyra and Bon Bon hooked up, with little help of yours truly." he announced proudly.
"Jeez, took them long enough!" Flitter commented, rolling her eyes.
"Well, as much as I would love to stay and enjoy the view," Soarin yawned "I'm tired, gonna hit the hay for now." that said, he stretched his hooves and slowly walked over towards stairs. Just before taking the first step up, he stopped and turned towards the pair "Cloud Chaser?"
"Hm?"
"Can I... can I count on you tomorrow? Or, any day, in case I... you know..."
Cloud Chaser blinked and waited a moment. She smiled and nodded.
"Sweet. Goodnight." and with that said he was gone upstairs.
With him gone, the stressed out secretary finally earned the right to sigh with relied. Her fillyfriend, still lying under her, rolled her eyes.
The seconds passed, but Cloud Chaser still sat in the exact same position, directly above her fillyfriend. They blinked.
"Damn, I can't believe he just up and left!" lamented Cherry Berry, ordering another beer from the counter. The party was in full swing, but lacked a thing she needed the most- stallions "Wasn't he supposed to be some sort of playcolt? I could use one right now."
"He was probably just tired," Colgate patted her friend on the back, keeping her company was the least she could do "there will be another time."
"Yeah, right," she sighed heavily "I'll die old and lonely at this rate."
"Hey, you're not the only single mare around!"
"Heh, sorry."
The two fell silent and concentrated on their drinks.
"Yeah?"
"Maybe we're just doing it wrong?"
"Doing what?"
"You know, waiting for a nice stallion, you know... doing it the old ways."
"Are you implying what I think you are?"
"I dunno, what do you think I'm implying?”
Both mares looked into each others eyes. They practically grew up together and held no secrets between each other and always had each others backs. If there was anypony they could trust, it was the mare in front of them. Both noticed how cute the other is, especially after a few drinks. They stared at each other for a moment... until they cracked a smile.
"Pfft, naah!" they announced simultaneously and started laughing. Even if they were alone in the crowd, at least they were alone together, as friends and nothing more. And they wouldn't have it any other way.
Author's Note
I stuggle to find a better and more accepted ship than LyraxBonBon. Even VinylxOctavia has enemies, but this one? Nope.
Almost there. Only one more chapter to go, aside from obvious teasers and bonus chapters, because I love bonus chapters.
Life was good. Up until this point, it was not bad, one could say it was decent or okay, but not anymore. Good was a proper word to use nowadays. Sure, Lyra Heartstrings was still struggling with her musical career, but this was more a matter of time than anything else. Not much has changed. Ponyville was still a sweet place to live in, her friends were still busy with their lives and only rarely ever visiting and dinners were equally as tasty as always, courtesy of her longtime friend, roommate and since yesterday, fillyfriend. Rarely were her plates anything but empty after a meal. Even if Bon Bon made too much for one mare to handle, Lyra couldn't just let the tasty delicacies to go to waste. After all, mules in southern provinces were struggling and hungry or whatever her mother told her to convince Lyra Heartstrings, age 4, to eat her alfa-alfa. To this day she couldn't figure out what she meant and why it worked so well.
"Ugh, I think I'm gonna blow!" Lyra smilingly suffered at her seat, sitting on her rear with her belly up-front being massaged by her hooves. In the middle of cleaning the table, Bon Bon shook her head looking at her.
"I take it you liked it?"
"Best. Meal. Ever!"
"That's what you say every time I cook."
"That's what I mean every time you cook." she ended the comment with a playful wink. This conversation would have ended here and now, but today Bon Bon's face was covered in a slight blush instead. She walked towards Lyra and leaned over her, gently kissing her in lips.
"Thanks sweetie," she quickly added, leaving with a tray of plates "but it's still your turn to wash the dishes."
Lyra just nodded, way too busy melting in her seat. This was the new part of her life, the one she was very much looking forward to getting used to. Best of all, it wasn't the kiss that made her feel fuzzy, but the memories of yesterday and what followed after they came back home. Good times. She was so much into her fantasies that she didn't hear the doorbell ringing. Bon Bon looked at Lyra and wanted to groan, but her fillyfriend looked too adorable to be angry at.
"Ok, I'll get it!"
Lyra was deep in the memory/dream lane, when she was woken up by Bon Bon calling.
"What the huh?" Lyra instantly got up and looked around her, before shaking her head and heading towards the door.
What greeted her, was somepony alien to her, yet at the same time oddly familiar but she couldn't put her hooves on it.
"Umm... yes, I guess? Can I help you?"
The mare didn't answer immediately, but reached out to her pocket and pulled out something familiar.
"DARWIN!" Lyra grabbed the stone on a necklace with her magic and pulled him towards her face "Ohmygosh, I totally forgot about you! I'm so sorry, I was drunk and a lot has happened and... and..." she instantly covered herself in sweat and slowly rose her head to the mare. Her expression didn't change a little bit. She blinked. Lyra blinked too. She always had a hard time figuring out what ponies were thinking, but this was beyond ridiculous "Umm, you see, this is a... well, it was all the rage in Manehattan back in the day, and... and..."
The mare still didn't change her expression, but walked a few steps forward and pierced her with a glare.
"Who was that? asked Bon Bon, joining Lyra once she finally came back to her sense and closed the door. Before Lyra could answer, Bon Bon perked up when she noticed something "Oh hey, Darwin's back! I wondered where you put him."
Lyra looked at the rock before her. She didn't need a friend anymore, she had what she always wanted and no stone was going to dictate her life ever again. Then again, this house had enough space for one more, so she just shrugged and put him on the table.
"By the way Lyra, he's not sleeping in OUR bedroom."
"What? Why?"
"Figure it out."
Lyra raised an eyebrow. Why was Bon Bon opposed to letting her friend stay in the same bedroom they had? Bon Bon was never opposed to him, even before they hooked up for good. Why wouldn't she let him sleep... in the... same... place...
"I love you, Bonnie"
"Love you too, sweetheart."
"..."
"Not now, Darwin."
Author's Note
Bet you expected Pinkie Pie again.
I wrote this in like 20 minutes... so yeah.
10. And then life goes on
Chapter 10: And then life goes on
Soarin yawned and stretched his limbs. The sun was slowly setting, making place for its nighttime counterpart. No doubt Princesses were already meeting and discussing the change of the day cycle, which also meant that his job was done as well, which concluded the entire week. Soarin greeted his last client without bothering to leave his own, comfortable chair, trusting that Cloud Chaser will take care of the rest. Just as he was about to call it a day and start enjoying his well deserved break, he heard another knocking on his doors. Quick glance at the clock revealed that it was almost five PM, barely twenty minutes till closing hours. Not much to work with, but then again, he wouldn't feel good turning anypony down.
"It's open."
The door opened and a familiar, tan figure went inside, smiling at him.
Soarin leaned over his desk and winked.
Sunny Rays chuckled "That has to be the worst advice given to a mare in the history of this occupation."
"Sounds good to me. So, you, me and my room, in ten minutes?"
"Tempting, let me think about it..." she put a hoof to her chin and hummed "...nah. Nice try, though."
"Oh well." he shrugged
The pair looked at each other for a moment, before bursting into laughter.
"It's going pretty good. There were some hurdles along the way, but nothing I couldn't solve with some help from my friends."
"Good to hear. Anyway, the reason I came today," she reached out for her saddlebags and produced a light pink envelope"You are cordially invited to the wedding of Sunny Rays, that's yours truly, and Silver Steed. Here's and invitation for you plus one!" she happily gave it to Soarin "I already gave Cloud Chaser hers."
"Why thank you kindly, Mrs Steed."
"Not yet. But in six months."
Both ponies smiled and Soarin motioned her to grab a chair. It was a hot day, so he didn't want to bother Cloud Chaser with another coffee but thankfully he had a fresh jug of juice with him. He proceed to pour a glassful for each of them, then raised his for toast.
"Especially when it's making you cash." Sunny added. they clung their glasses and took a refreshing sip, before she continued "So, tell me all about it. What do you even do here all day?"
"Aside from sitting around and being handsome?"
"Yes, aside from that."
"Oh, you know. Just making sure everypony's happy with their lives. For example..."
"I'm gonna die a lonely virgin, that's a fact..." lamented the bespectacled, acne faced stallion. He wanted to only talk to himself and bottle of cider he ordered, but he wasn't alone enough to make that happen. He rarely was by himself when sitting in a bar, but this time, his company was a little bit different. He rarely had mares around in times like these and at first he was excited at the prospect, until he found out that both were not only taken, but also riding a different train. One he liked the idea of, but was never let on.
"Don't say that, Dex," Lyra patted her new friends back "I used to think that too, and now look at me! If I can do it, so can you!"
"Easy for you to say," answered Poindexter "You had somepony around you forever..." he took a sip of his cider for emphasis.
"And it only took her forever to spit it out," added Cloud Chaser "word of the wise? Don't wait ten years before saying you like somepony. Or you end up blueballed like somepony else I know."
"And another word of the wise," Lyra smiled, now looking Cloud Chaser right into her eyes "if you like to bang everywhere and anytime, be sure to do it when little fillies can't catch you red hooved."
"That only happened once and I said I was sorry!" Cloud Chaser groaned at Lyra "And at least I kept my roommate satisfied for this whole time."
"Satisfied? Pfft, filly please," she hoofwaved "I pity Flitter. Good thing Soarin was there to show her what a real pleasure feels like, at least once."
"Hmpf, big words for somepony jealous. If you love him so much, why don't you bang him too?"
"I'm all for that!" answered Soarin, smiling and extending his wings.
"SHUT UP!" both mares shouted, for once uniting in a single task, for about two seconds before going back to their fight. Soarin's smile faded, along with his wings. He shook his head and left the mares alone, instead concentrating on his drink and other company. Poindexter took his time recovering from the blush.
"Did I missed something?" asked the nerd.
"Ex-high school sweethearts," Soarin answered casually "apparently they came out of closet at the same time and hooked up for a day or so. It didn't end well." he shrugged and left the topic there. Poindexter nodded at him and looked back at the mares, still going at it, no signs of stopping, even escalating to some really spicy insults that shouldn't be quoted. Thankfully, it was a bar late night, so no minors were scarred, except those two guys that entered with fake I.D.'s, but that was their problem. Not.
"Are they gonna kiss?" asked Poindexter.
"I wish." he shook his head in disappointment. As much as he loved Ponyville and Horsetown, they weren't Manehattan, where such things happened quite often. Good times. "Say Dex, have you seen the others?"
Poindexter shrugged "Hemp and Bulk said they'll be here any minute and Blue went to little colts room, five minutes ago." as he said it, they nodded to each other and inspected a half full plate of hay fries. They eyed it suspiciously and decided that stealing food from friends was bad, and potentially lethal. Nirvana wasn't known for its food. Their pondering was interrupted by an arrival of a friend.
"Sup bros, sorry I'm late," Hemp waved to them happily, but he didn't sat on any of the seats like always. In fact, he wasn't alone either and beside him was a tall, red coated earth pony mare. While pretty on the face, her icy glare sent a shiver down their spines "Meet my date, Rosy Spark. Rosy, meet my friends, Poindexter, Soarin, Lyra and Cloud Chaser... who are about to kiss?" he asked.
"Nope." Soarin and Poindexter shook their heads simultaneously. Lyra and Cloud Chaser were still going at it, oblivious to everything else.
"Bummer."
"Hemp, I told you not to call me that!" Rosy Spark objected, giving a deadly glare to him instead. It didn't work as well on him.
"Oops, sorry. Well anyway, we were just gonna say hi and go, we have a dinner waiting for us," he turned to Rosy and smiled "Lets go, Ro--, I mean, Volcan."
"Pfft, whatever." with that said, the pair was gone. The only thing that stopped Poindexter from going back to his depression was terror he still felt from the glare he received.
"Well, they looked rather lovely together, all things considered," Soarin smiled, nodded and shed a single tear "they grow up so fast." he wiped the tear, while Poindexter shed a few of his own, but for a completely different reason.
Few minutes later, some more heated debate over own personal lives and few misplaced insults, Lyra and Cloud Chaser finally agreed to stop talking and sat far from each other, having Soarin and Poindexter between to help avoid more disasters. That's when another latecomer appeared.
"Really?" asked Soarin, smiling.
"Seriously?" asked Poindexter, frowning.
"Hey, nice job big guy!" Cloud Chaser playfully smacked him on the back, somehow making the big stallion monster cringe from a single jolt of pain, which thankfully went unnoticed "Who is the lucky lady?"
"There you are, Bulky-woolkie-pulkie!" a familiar voice resounded, as an unknown blur slammed into Bulk Biceps. Normal ponies would fall and break a few bones after getting tackle-hugged by a living pony flying at such speeds, but Bulk was far from regular and only swayed a little before regaining his composure. His four friends looked a little shocked for a while, until they recognized the form to be that of a pegasus mare. Soarin and Cloud Chaser dropped their jaws as they recognized the average beauty of the assailant "Oooh, we're gonna have so much fuuuuuuun! We're gonna go to a dinner, then at the carnival, then we'll talk in a nice little cafe and it'll be all romantic and... oh, hi Soarin! Hi Cloud Chaser!" she waved to her two acquaintances. The pair waved her back nervously.
"YOU KNOW EACH OTHER?" asked Bulk, raising his eyebrow at Soarin.
"Yeah, we met, she... umm, she..." Soarin gulped. On one hoof, his last encounter could be considered a hilarity only knowing that it ended well, with nopony chopped to pieces and only his window and door destroyed (though venting the smoke from the room was a pain). On the other, he was yet to see Bulk Biceps with that kind of cheesy, wide smile. He looked at Cloud Chaser searching for some hints, but she shrugged, proving to be as helpless as himself. Eventually, he made a decision "...she was my client once. I'm happy to see you're doing better." he struggled to smile without having any morbid thoughts.
"Oh totally!" she replied happily, still latched onto one of Bulk's biceps, not letting go "You were right, some confidence and look at me now? Together, with a big, strong stud that will protect me and loooovee me for-ever and ever!"
"Can't argue with part of that statement." noted Poindexter.
"So, how did you two meet?" asked Lyra, looking for a non-awkward topic.
"Oh, we met at his gym," she waved a hoof, yet still held above the floor level on her dates muscles "I read in a magazine that gyms are places for potential dates, so I went to the first one I could find. I went there and what did I find? Dozens of buffed, amazing studs, all of them singles, with not one mare around the place. Whatever, their loss. So there he was, my Bulkster-woolster," her hoof went towards Bulk's cheeks, much to his joy "the biggest and manliest of them all! So I asked him out and the rest is history."
"And that was...?"
"This afternoon." she happily answered. She was met with a bunch of happy smiled, not at all confused, at least in her eyes "Well, it's been nice meeting you, but we're running out of time. See ya later!"
"YEAH!" that said, Bulk stormed out of the bar through the roof, his date still latched onto him as solid as glued. The group couldn’t decide what was more confusing- the fact that Bulk could fly so far with his not-so-impressive wings, the fact that the crazy mare didn't feel the rubble from flying through the roof... or the fact that the roof was just smashed and nopony seemed to notice. Then again, they had more pressing matters.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" asked Cloud Chaser "I mean, I doubt Bulk would feel if all Tartarus fell on him during the sleep, but still..."
Soarin hummed for a moment "Well, he is a big boy, he can take care of himself. I think. I hope..." then he went silent and instead concentrated on his beer.
Poindexter hummed "Did we even get her name?" he asked. Cloud Chaser reassured him and waved a hoof.
"Oh yeah, her name's..."
"Hey, sorry it took so long," said Prince Blueblood, finally appearing back at the counter, after disappearing for almost over an hour "hope I didn't miss anything?" he asked. His friends raised their eyebrows, look up at the recent monstrous sized hole in the roof which Prince ignored, then shrugged.
"The usual," Soarin answered "where were you all this time?"
"Well, I had my hooves full with... oh, let's not beat around the bush, I'll introduce you," he turned around and waved towards one of the tables. Shortly after, somepony waved back and slowly but gracefully moved towards Blue. All four sets of jaws at the counter had to once again reach the floor as they inspected Blue's new companion. Even Lyra and Cloud Chaser couldn't help but blush, despite remaining in a stable, single partner relationship, though Cloud Chaser had it worse, being unable to hide her erect wings.
"It's a pleasure to meet you." Ruby Daze answered with sweet, sexy voice, bowing gracefully.
"H-how did you..." Soarin only managed to mutter, but was ignored.
"As much as we would love to stay and chat, time is running out, so we bid you farewell, my friends." and that said, the pair left the counter.
"H-how..." Soarin once again tried, but failed to make a comment. He knew Prince was good, but he never felt this defeated in his own game, by a (third) best friend, no less. Poindexter patted his back. He couldn't help in any other form, but hunters stuck together and they were there for him, no matter how petty the sorrow was.
Meanwhile, the mares had different problems.
"Keep silent about the wings and I won't spill a word."
"Deal." the two contemplated shaking hooves, but realized they were mortal enemies, so just ended with acknowledging nod "But seriously, DAT PLOT!"
"I know!"
Meanwhile, outside Nirvana, after Prince Blueblood and Ruby Daze went a few steps, Blue waited for a moment before bursting into laughter.
"So.. it WAS just a prank after all." she sighed and scratched her head "Figures, I shouldn't get my hopes too high."
"M-miss Daze?"
"No no, it's okay, I just," she pouted and started kicking the ground under her "when you said you wanted to prank your friend, I thought that, I dunno... it was just some weird pickup line, like in the movies?" Prince opened his mouth, but before he said anything, she raised a hoof and stopped him "No no, it's okay, I'll get over it. It's just, I was really flattered when somepony actually asked me out, which surprisingly, doesn't happen all that often, if you can believe that. I once overheard some stallions in my company talking, how they see me as a 'hot' and 'sexy' and nopony has the guts to actually hit on me, that I'm too good for them and stuff, which is of course not true... and now look at me, drowning in my sorrows for being too beautiful for this world, ugh, I make myself sick sometimes!"
Blueblood stopped for a moment. He looked at her, searching for any signs of dishonesty, trickery or illusions. He even concentrated his horn on silent casting, turning a simple illusion spotting spell into a strenuous activity, just to be sure she wasn't trying to lure him into a trap. Finding none of such things, he allowed himself to stop thinking and just feel the moment.
His date instantly recovered from her small depression and looked at him, bright eyed.
"I did promise to show you the surroundings. And I do know a rather nice restaurant in Ponyville."
"Really? What's it called?"
"It's... I don't even know, Miss Daze."
"Call me Ruby."
"Of course, Ruby."
Meanwhile, at Sugar Cube Corner, Pinkie Pie gasped very loudly.
"I just... I just felt like some big injustice happened nearby!"
"A what of huh?"
"Like some cosmic force was making cruel jokes at my expense!"
"Yeaaaah... can we just start making the cupcakes already?"
"Okie-dokie! Let's go to basement then, I got everything we need already there."
And then they made cupcakes, which at no point included torture and murder of a certain multi-colored pegasi to turn her into pastries. We only mention that because some sick people will insinuate that something horrific happened, which it didn't. Silly readers, you think too much.
Back in Nirvana, after making an uneasy 'Plot-reliant Alliance' (a quickly made name that made them chuckle every time), Lyra and Cloud Chaser went back to consoling Soarin, whose sanity seen better days.
"Guys," Soarin started after recovering from his unusual trauma "and gals, you know what we need to do now?"
Lyra scratched her head "Stalk Bulk and his date and make sure everything is alright?"
Short silence went over.
"I was gonna say order a bunch of booze and get smashed over Blue's superiority over me in my game... but your idea's better!" he grabbed his glass and emptied its content into his mouth in one big gulp, before slamming it right into the counter "Grab your stuff, everypony! Time to support one of our kin. After all, we hunters, we stick together!" he raised his hoof and all three joined in on the cheer.
Lyra leaned over to Cloud Chaser.
Cloud Chaser just hoofwaved.
Author's Note
And that is the end... well, two bonus chapters more, including a prelude to next story.
As always, you are welcome to share your thoughts, rate, complain and stuff that might hurt my feelings if said in a bad way, but will help me make this even better.
Merry Weather swallowed, then carefully pushed the door, opening it with a deafening screech which resounded over the entire mansion. She cursed at herself. All plans she had for remaining hidden just went down to toilet. If there was ever a time to run away and leave the mysterious property alone, this stupid door just destroyed it completely.
"Unless, you know... you teleport? Sheesh, unicorns..."
Without any other options, she took a deep breath and bravely took charge forward, much too scared to think of anything better to do. Alone, helpless, but determined to finally solve the mystery that plagued her clan for centuries, she entered the dark room.
"Student of magical arts but can't cast a light spell? I know kindergarteners smarter than her. Who wrote this crap?"
Flitter was about to flip the book open and look around for an author name so she could later rant on about it to her friends. Considering her job was the most boring, soul draining activity she knew to ponykind (at least it paid well), she had to find something, anything, to talk to during casual small talk, but regretted choosing mainstream young-adult adventure literature. For every clever idea and funny moment, there was a plot hole big enough she'd fall down and die if she couldn't fly. To be fair, main pegasi heroes of this story probably wouldn't remember to flap their wings if they ever fell down the pit. On that note, who named a unicorn "Merry Weather"? That's the most pegasi name she ever heard of.
Her inner rants had to cut short when the door opened and her fillyfriend and that other guy she mostly tolerated appeared.
"Well... that went well, I guess." Soarin admitted.
"Pretty much, I guess." Cloud Chaser nodded.
Flitter raised an eyebrow looking at the two. Their manes was even messier than usual, which is a feat in itself. They usually didn't house a bunch of twigs and leaves in between the strands of hair and she could swear she heard a chirping from either one of them. Their coats were no less messed up, as the two were covered in dust, bruises and even some band-aids.
"Oh-kay..." she started "...can anypony explain to me what happened to the two of you?"
Soarin and Cloud Chaser stood nervously in one place. They exchanged the looks, wordlessly communicating with each other using the power of their friendship to form a proper cover story that would explain, yet obscure, the events of few hours ago, which was a Friday night after they went to stalk Bulk Biceps and his date, with help of Lyra and Poindexter. Their adventures were a thing of legends, but without some serious editing were not ready to be published and shared with the world. Eventually, they settled on a simple, yet brilliant solution which made them proud for years to come.
"You don't want to know.”
"Probably not." Flitter rolled her eyes and turned away. Meanwhile, Cloud Chaser and Soarin used the moment of Flitter's distraction to bump hooves. Plan worked perfectly and he didn't have to tell a single lie.
"Just confirm some things so I can stop worrying," Flitter once again turned to the messy pair "You didn't break anything?"
"No."
"You didn't stalk any helpless, innocent mares?"
"...no." in their defense, they were stalking Bulk. And his date was hardly innocent or helpless.
"You didn't impregnate any random mare on the way here?"
“No I didn't!” answered Cloud Chaser, earning an irate eye roll from her fillyfriend.
Soarin rolled his eyes at that question. As if he heard Hellfire again. Hellfire being a nickname to Spitfire whenever she cuts all the crap and starts being serious and slightly less cute.
Chirp.
All sounds suddenly stopped, aside from occasional chirping. Flitter blinked and so did Cloud Chaser, both glaring at Soarin wide-eyed.
"Wh...what do you mean, didn't bang..." started Flitter, but stuttered, unable to finish the sentence.
"In two weeks?" Cloud Chaser thankfully finished her sentence instead "But, that's what you told me two weeks ago!"
Chirpchirp!
"I did?" he raised a hoof to his chin and thought "Huh, I really did. Ever since that day Flitter lashed out on me for the rent, I've been either too depressed (I got over it), stressed, busy or tired and I completely lost track of when the last time was. Huh, ironic, isn't it? I've been helping other ponies get some, that I didn't got any myself! Funny," he chuckled "I always imagined I'd die from abstaining that long, yet here I am, barely noticing!"
Chirpchirpchirp.
"What in the world is that sound?" Soarin asked and turned around, until he eventually turned his eyes up and noticed something moving atop his head. He smiled at the sight of a little, yellow feathery fellow that was stuck in his mess of a hair "Why hello there, little buddy! How long have you been there?"
"Chirp!"
"Well, I guess I should go get you back to you mommy now, am I?"
"Chirp!"
"Then there's no time to lose!" he set his hooves towards the door, not even taking time to turn to his roommates "I'll be back in a jiffy, just gotta get Little S home before his mother gets worried."
"Chirp!"
"You see that, girls? He likes his new name!" he opened the door and extended his wings "Grab my hair tight, Little S, it's time for..." he flew out of his home "...adventure!" and before you can say 'there's a chick in you mane', he was gone, leaving his two dumbfounded roommates alone. As absurd as a grown-up stallion with a chic in his mane looking for adventure was, neither registered last several seconds, both being much too busy standing where they were, mouths agape and eyes wide.
"F-four weeks...?" Cloud Chaser muttered "...how is he... but... that's..."
"Damn," Flitter lamented, as she sat down, defeated "now I can't call him a 'perverted sex maniac' anymore! Four weeks! How is he still sane, no, scratch that, how is he still ALIVE?"
The entire image of a stallion crumbled before Flitter's mind. No longer was she allowed to treat him like a scum and villain she suspected he was. That alone made her sick.
"Flitty," Cloud Chaser turned to her marefriend and looked her deep into the eyes "this is all our fault!"
"N-no way, he did this to himself. I mean, when did I said he should stop... being?"
"You heard him right. Ever since that fateful day all he ever did, was make sure we'll be fine."
"Yeah, but still..."
"And he did that by earning money helping even more ponies!"
"I know, but..."
"At the expense of himself!"
"I KNOW!" Flitter finally busted with tears and fell on the ground, covering her eyes with her hooves in defeat. The sole idea of her life depending on some stallion was detestable on itself. If she wanted to be cared for by a male, she wouldn't have fallen in love with Cloud Chaser and just got married to some generic guy, but she didn't. The only reason she tolerated Soarin's existence, was because he was a sleazy, perverted creature, with his bits being the only redeeming quality. Now that he turned out to be a, and she felt sick admitting it, nice guy, she couldn't hate him anymore. Which meant that she actually liked him.
"Flitter," Cloud Chaser put both hooves on her fillyfriend and looked her in the eyes "we can fix this. And we both know exactly what we need to do!"
It didn't take a genius or even a love-related telepathic link they sometimes shared. Flitter knew exactly what that meant.
"No sweetheart," Cloud Chaser smiled and winked "you're gonna LOVE it!"
"...probably."
"Honeys, I'm home!" Soarin loudly proclaimed as he once again went through the door, having a feeling of deja vu.
"In the bathroom!" answered Cloud Chaser "Your bath's ready, come and get it!"
Soarin's ears perked. He lived here for well over a month but it was the first time they prepared a bath for him. As great as his adventure of finding Little S's home was, he didn't have time to clean himself of the mess from today’s escapades and it was getting late. He realized in a hindsight that Little S is a stupid name for a bird, but it stuck and the two already bonded, as short as it was. He'll miss the little fellow.
Shaking the thoughts of his little friend away, he trotted towards the bathroom. He was looking forward to finally cleaning himself up after a long, busy day. He wasn't quite sure why Cloud Chaser decided to make him a bath, but hey, what are friends for? Next thing he knows, she'll add some extra bonus and treat him extra nicely, like he deserves for being the best boss ever (her words, not his). That was of course just a wishful thinking. After all, she was super loyal to Flitter, and while she was known to ogle mares and had episodes with some stallions back in the day, there wasn't a force strong enough to make her cheat on her fillyfriend. Unless Flitter either gave her a permission (after Tartarus freezes, obviously), or if she joined in herself, which was just as desirable, as it was impossible. He sighed at the memory of some good times and one of the best days he ever experienced. Aside from Nightmare Moon, Spitfire turning to stone, venturing to Everfree and almost dying to a manticore, ghost and pony-eating plant monster, but who counted?
He opened the door to the bathroom and noticed exactly what he expected to see- a bathtub full of steaming hot water, with bubbles no less. He walked closed to it and looked around for soap and sponge, but he couldn't find it in places they usually kept them. He was so busy looking for them he didn't hear or notice somepony walk up to him, until he felt something touch his back. His immediate reaction was almost jumping up and raising his wings, but as the brushing on his back intensified, he slowly relaxed and sat down.
"Yeah, she probably does" answered his lovely secretary, as she appeared right in front of him, rubbing some soap into her hooves. Soarin's jaw fell flat, while massaging did not stop. He slowly turned his head back to notice a face full of blush redder than strawberry special muffin "F-flitter?
"F-for the record, it was her idea!" Flitter said, avoiding direct eye contact, but still tending his now much cleaner wings. He was fully expecting her to say something like 'it's not that I like you, but...' stuff often read about. Even if she did said anything along those lines, he couldn't concentrate on her when Cloud Chaser closed in to him and started rubbing his other wing and body with her entire body. His wings, among other things, were getting stiffer and harder to control.
"S-so, do we... you know..." he asked, confused, alternating his eyes from left and right, expecting to wake up anytime soon.
"No, we just like washing our roommates," Flitter deadpanned, rolling her eyes "what do you think?"
Whatever he tried to say, he couldn't, as he moaned loudly. In most situations, if a hoof went over a certain regions of a body it would be considered a crime. This was not one of those situations. He smiled widely and rose his head, thanking whatever deities there were. It really seemed like a dream come true.
Dream...
"By any chance, you didn't invite Pinkie Pie?" he asked the two. Immediately, any advances halted as both mares looked at each other and shrugged.
"Why Pinkie, of all ponies?"
"...no reason."
The rest was, you guessed it, legen--
Author's Note
In todays episode, Soarin is still awesome.
Soarin: So, when do repeat that?"
"Yaaaaawn..."
The weather was great. Sun was shining, there wasn't a single cloud in the sky and the temperature was just right. It was a perfect day for a picnic, or a trip to the beach or swimming pool. Sadly, Ponyville had none of that, unless you count that little lake by the woods, emphasis on little. Not that it made him any difference, since he was stuck in his desk, working and stuff. By stuff we mean doing absolutely nothing, since there wasn't anypony visiting for almost entire day and there were no appointments today. Monday wasn't exactly the busiest time of the week. In fact, it was one of the worst workdays thus far. Sure, he only started it two weeks ago, but his track record so far was awful and it didn't pick up until late afternoon. He considered changing the working hours to avoid it, where all he does is lie on his desk face flat, being bored and waiting for his birthday, which was in several months away. He couldn't just leave the place, there could be an emergency coming any time now. He waited patiently for it, maybe then he won't die from boredom.
His ears perked as he heard the knocking on the door. After thanking heavens for something happening, he called the guest in. He half expected it was just Cloud Chaser visiting with a deck of cards to alleviate their mutual boredom. And he half expected Caramel again, with another soul crushing experience. It was none of them, but it ended up being a pleasant surprise.
"Hey," Thunderlane waved, as he entered the room. Soarin was about to jump happily, but his friend didn't seem right. He was still a tall, black coated pegasi with gray-ish Mohawk for sure, but something seemed off "do you have a moment?"
"Sure, sit down," Soarin motioned his very comfortable sofa, which usually helped anypony relax and cheer up. Thunderlane sat down and sighed. This seemed like a bad sign "so, can I help you?"
Thunderlane hesitated before answering.
Soarin blinked. So did Thunderlane, before realizing how stupid his question sounded, especially when said out loud.
"A thing or two." Soarin deadpanned.
"Right, sorry, I just... can I ask you for an advice?"
Right there, Soarin's heart started pounding harder. All this time, despite being best friends in the entire world (might be a slight exaggeration), Thunderlane always kept to himself and struggled with his odd relationship with Blossomforth alone, but not anymore. Soarin smiled widely, finally being able to delve into a territory he was never allowed to enter, but which always intrigued him to no end. He leaned over his desk and joined hooves, while a stray beam of sunlight (a thing that didn't exist outside narrative) flashed over his glasses.
"Please, do go on..."
Author's Note
Soarin: Please talk, while I practice my best Gendo impression.
To be continued in:
"Thunder & Lightning"
Chapter 1: Nirvana and Whiskey
He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and stopped thinking. This was not a time for brain, but for heart. He felt he environment communicating with him, trying to tell him many things that others wouldn't notice.
The air was filled with many scents mixed up. From perfumes, vodka, sweat, corn dogs, to tobacco. The image painted itself. Mares, looking for a lucky stallion of their dreams (or a one night stand, it was hard to tell). Drunken workers after their shifts, letting some steam before going back home to hear their spouses ranting. Those few radical dudes who just a few minutes ago still thought disco wasn't dead, until they ran out of breath dancing. Starved travelers who had a misfortune to arrive way past the opening hours of any proper restaurants and were satisfied by any meal, so long as it was warm. And those poor ponies that still thought smoking was cool and makes them more attractive*.
This place, to most ponies was just a regular bar. Placed on a road connecting Ponyville and Horsefield, close enough to be both a popular place to find new faces, while far enough to feel distant from your home in case you tried to run away from daily routine. A place for hangouts, flirting and celebrations.
Soarin was many things. A stallion. Element of Laughter. Hero who helped save the world. Flirt. Handsome devil, according to a tabloids. Wonderbolt... at least, until recently, but that was over and done with, because he never really felt like a true Wonderbolt. He was something different entirely. And no amount of stupid, sexy, badmouthed childhood friends could take away his real self.
He was a hunter.
And this was his hunting ground.
He absolutely loved his new favorite place. It was fairly big, but still not quite as large to feel overwhelming, instead giving this cozy, comforting vibe he so rarely felt in Canterlot, where everything had to be enormous and overblown. One of his early discoveries about his new home, Ponyville, was that even though it was full of mares (cute ones at that) it wasn't that big of a town to begin with. Count out married, underage, taken, siblings and families of his friends and those who he filed as 'Misc. reasons not to'... there were still a lot of single mares to pick from. But again, unlike Canterlot where you could walk the same street everyday for years and never meet the same pony twice, Ponyville had an opposite problem and if he wasn't careful, it could end up as 'Ex-ville'. He planned at least to spend a few months if not years, there was no reason to court every single mare. Yet.
Which is why this bar is a godsend. There were just enough new faces to keep him satisfied for a long time, while still allowing him to see enough friendly faces to feel at ease.
He usually tried to have at least one wingpony with him, but unfortunately, this was not his lucky day. Shiny and Blue were busy with re-organizing the library. Thunderlane had a date with Blossomforth, while Rumble was being babysat by Doctor and Ditzy. Big Macintosh was out of town. Flitter and Cloudchaser, his new awesome totally lesbian (not that it stopped them that one time) roommates, were using every opportunity to have an intimate night away from him. He didn't mind having two cute pegasi banging like rabbits while he was home, but apparently it made them uncomfortable (for whatever reason).
He scanned the room for a suitable partner. He tried to avoid any residents of Ponyville, of which there were a few. Especially Berry Punch, at least not until he confirms her status, what the deal was with that filly daughter/sister she lived with. He considered walking up to Lyra Heartstrings, a mint-green unicorn he recognized as Ponyville prime street musician. She clearly needed help hooking up with BonBon, her oblivious best friend and roommate, but decided against it. He barely knew her, so forcing himself on her problems might not be the best idea.
He eventually settled on a lonely, tan coated, blonde mare sitting at the counter. She was alone for the last ten minutes at least, disinterested in the environment and more importantly, not checking her watch frantically, which usually meant she was waiting for a date. She wasn't drinking soda, which meant she was also at the age of consent. He only caught a glimpse of her face- young and attractive.
A smile appeared on his face.
He sat right on a chair right next to her and ordered himself a drink. For the time being she ignored him. He opened his mouth and let the magic happen.
"I can't help but wonder," he spoke calmly, donning his most alluring, subtle smile "why is such a pretty mare alone in such place?"
"Get lost." she answered coldly, not even turning his way. He expected that. This was a test of determination and patience. Those with no spines would walk away and make place for better stallions.
"And leave you all alone, with nothing but a half-empty glass for compa--?"
"I said, GET LOST!"
The sudden outburst almost knocked Soarin out of his seat. This was too soon, way too soon. Something went wrong.
Unless...
He slapped himself mentally. Stupid! That's what happens when you grow too ignorant to notice small, but important details.
Now that he had a better look at his 'prey', he noticed clues he missed before. Her drink. It was one of those fancy, colorful drinks that no sane pony would order unless they were rich... or too depressed to care. Then, there was the ashtray, full not of ashes and cigarette butts, but napkins. Rolled, wet, dirty napkins, probably used as improvised tissues.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to trouble you."
He was about to turn and leave his seat to seek out a better 'prey', learning on his mistakes and improving for the next time... but there was a lonely mare, crying. This was unacceptable.
"Bartender," he called out just as he was given his drink "one Golden Rainbow for the lovely lady right here. My treat." he threw a small gem as payment and generous tip. The mare turned her head towards him and glared at him as he raised his glass.
"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not interested, okay?"
"I noticed that."
"What, you think you impressed me with one drink?"
"There is always hope."
"Who do you take me for? Some naive filly that will buy into whatever story you try to sell?"
"Heavens, why would I?"
"Well here's some news for you- I don't need no stinking, backstabbing, two-timing stallions!"
He sighed deeply. For once he hoped the problem was not a stallion. It made him ashamed to be born as one, constantly working on repairing reputation of half the world.
"True," he answered calmly "what you really need, is somepony with ears that you could talk to," he caught a glimpse at her. She was eying him carefully, confused "unless you don't mind carrying this burden to yourself. I'm just a stranger in a bar, it's none of my business until you say it is."
What was it that made his cheesy lines work was a mystery. Whether it was his warm, yet subtle smile, calm, non-nonchalant tone of voice or just plain good manners, for some reason it worked. It always did. Almost.
"All those flowers, those cutesy, romantic words... he even wrote a song! That slimy, backstabbing son of a..." she muttered through her teeth, not even able to finish the sentence, before chugging yet another drink into her throat.
Soarin had long since made sure that bartender would tone down the alcohol of his new friend, steadily providing her with weaker and weaker drinks, until she stopped paying attention to the fact that now it was just a fizzy apple juice. He took no pleasure in banging half-dead, intoxicated mares. The only stallion they needed was a doctor. And not his friend, but an actual physician. Which Doctor might be as well. Who knows?
"Forgive me for doubting you," he started "but what proof do you have that he's two timing?"
If glares could kill, Soarin would be a dead pony right now.
"Miss," he turned to her and for the first time, a smile left his face "please do watch your tongue and don't call Miss Emerald Breeze that."
"Y-you know her!?"
"We met, yes," Day 4, kinda cute if shy jeweler from Horsefield, single, has two cats. Way too much toys, not enough stallions- problem solved, if he was allowed to brag "and take my word for it, she's not the kind of mare who would steal somepony's coltfriend." judging by her huffing, she wasn't convinced "When is the next time you two meet?"
"Hm? In two days... until I found out what he was up to. Why?"
"Go and meet him then."
"What?"
"I know you have all sorts of thoughts and emotions flowing around, but trust me, this is for your own good."
"Why in the bucking hell would I do that?"
"Do you love him?" silence. That was all he needed to hear "Then don't do anything reckless, or you might forever regret it."
She didn't respond. Her gaze fell on her almost empty glass of regular, non-alcoholic cider. After a while longer, she left her seat and went towards the exit.
He sighed deeply, but smiled regardless. This one turned out to be a dud, but from the looks of it, he just saved one mare from one of the biggest mistakes she could make, for all the wrong reasons. If he was right, that is. Which he usually was.
Except he promised to spend the night out of home. Girls probably wouldn't appreciate him barging in the middle of their funny time (which was 'anytime we're alone'). He could just go to his friends, but who?
"You fail?" asked a voice behind. Low, manly voice, to be precise.
"Nah," he answered without turning back "she was taken. I only hunt for singles."
"Yeah, we saw that," said another male voice behind, this one much higher pitched "you're taking all the single mares there are."
"Yeah, our mares!" noted third voice, relaxed voice. One he didn't recognize, but sounded far from friendly.
'Uh-oh.'
"They weren't ours!"
"Not when he takes them!"
"YEAH!"
Soarin froze and gulped. This is why he always tried to get a wingpony. Not to help with hunting, but to keep 'this' from happening, to have somepony watching your back when some angry locals decided to label you as a problem.'Okay, don't panic. Maybe they just wanted to say hi?'
"And how are we supposed to get the ladies when he's here almost every night?"
"Now that he's here, all the mares ignore us!"
"YEAH!"
'I'm dead.' Good thing he was turned back to them, he at least had the privilege of hiding his wide open eyes and large beads of sweat. He took a few small breaths in attempt to think of some plan to salvage the situation.'Okay, plan A. Just turn around, smile and talk this one out. They sound like reasonable fellows.' with that in mind, he turned back, donning his best salarypony smile.'I'm THE element of frickin' laughter, I can do this, easy peasSWEET CELESTIA'S SUGAR PLOT!'
Whatever he had to say go aborted, as he was too busy looking at a giant, white mass of muscles. He could swear it had a pony attached to it. A big, bulky, angry looking, ripped pony twice, no, four times his size, looking right into his soul via his red eyes. He could swear there was something stuck out of his back, like little flippers (wings?), but he was panicking too much to care.
"Yeah man," said one of the other ponies, but he was too busy freaking out internally "it was hard enough before you came along!"
"I mean, seriously, how do you even do it?"
"YEAH!"
'I had a good life, all things considered. A lot of good friends, happy childhood, saved the world once, made many mares happy. One unrequited love but eh, nopony's perfect. At least I paid this months rent, so girls won't be in financial troubles. Yep, no regrets. Except dying young and sexy.'
"We've seen what you were up to," continued one of the other stallions "night after night, snatching like a boss."
"YEAH!"
'NO! I can't just give up now! There is too much left to live for! My friends, my roommates, all those mares in Ponyville and Horsefield that had yet to taste the 'big S' (note to self- never say that out loud). Element of Laughter. Spitfire.'
"You even asked out Beauty Star! Nopony ever dared to do that!
"I was gonna do it that day!"
"YEAH!"
Soarin needed a plan. He looked to his left. Single empty glass and ashtray full of napkins. Too unwieldy. Chairs? Bolted to the floor, to prevent barfights from escalating. Thanks, owner. A glance to his right filled him with a bit more hope. There it was, a lone bottle of whiskey, half emp-- half full (he had to think positive!). Just close enough to grab, smack and run. Even Nightmare Moon felt a sudden strike IN DA FACE!
"Don't take it the wrong way, dude."
"YEAH!"
"...Bulk, is that all you're going to say?"
"... umm... yeah?"
'Luna, grant me strength!' he quickly turned right...
"So we decided to ask you to..."
... grabbed the bottle...
"PLEASE TEACH US!"
"YEA---" SMASH!
Time stopped. Hundreds upon thousands of glass shards mixed with golden booze flew into the air and fell on the floor, when the bottle hit a giant pony-like creature right into the side of his head. Soarin realized a few things. The bottle was heavy, a quick swing could knock out a large bison, yet his target barely budged. He also saw his other two friends behind him, now wide-eyed and terrified. A nerdy looking stallion, barely old enough to drink, still covered in acne and thick glasses. The other was a slim, gray earth pony with dreadlocks, with a shirt and cutie mark of a substance that was probably illegal in many parts of Equestria.
He blinked. So did they, flustered half over the broken neck of a bottle, still dripping whiskey, half over their over muscled friend whose face was showing more confusion then pain or anger. It slowly raised its hoof, put it to the head and slowly massaged it. It grabbed a piece of glass and looked over it carefully. Sure enough, there was blood on it. His blood, two drops or so. His gaze, along with the other two, now landed on an even more confused pegasi ex-Wonderbolt.
"...why did you...?" asked the nerdy stallion, not quite sure how to react.
Soarin's eye twitched. He looked at his makeshift weapon, then back at the stallions. He smiled widely and laughed awkwardly, shrugging his hooves.
"My... hoof slipped...?"
'Come on, give them one of your million bits smiles! Make friends, not war!'
"So..." Soarin started, but hesitated before realizing that he almost tried to scratch his head with the sharp remains of a bottle "...sure, always glad to help, hehe. I've always said that we hunters gotta stick together. Right?"
'Bright smile. Confidence! Don't mess this up!'
"Whiskey?"
Author's Note
* - with apologies to all smokers.
It's not a Stallionverse story without an awkward beginning.
8. Best job ever- the complication
Chapter 8: Best job ever- the complication
"This is... beautiful!" Cloud Chaser teared up at the view before her. She rarely cried, but this time was justified.
"Yeah, I have to admit," Flitter nodded to her fillyfriend "I wasn't expecting much, but its so... big!"
"Care to say," Soarin added, eying Flitter "that this is the biggest you've ever seen?"
"I dunno," she scratched her head, blushing a little "I can't really compare, but I guess?"
"Like I told you before, I never let ladies down."
"Meh, I've seen bigger," Blueblood hoofwaved. Three pairs of eyes, two mares, one stallion, all pegasi, glared at him.
"There's just no pleasing you, is there?" Cloud Chaser asked, shaking her head.
"That's what I get from living in Canterlot. You see things that normal citizens can only dream about."
"Well we, THE NORMAL citizens," Flitter interjected "are more than satisfied by what we got here."
"Words to live by," Soarin happily nodded "it might not be as big as yours, but at least it's mine... though I won't mind sharing."
"Don't mind if we do!" Cloud Chaser smiled brightly, also bringing her fillyfriend closer with her. Even if Flitter was reluctant, she couldn't deny that she was glad in the end it ended like that.
"And I got something for you too, Blue."
"No, that won't be necessary."
"Come on, I insist. We're basically bros now, after what we went through!" he ended it with a wink. Even without mentioning the whole Summer Sun Celebration fiasco, there was still the support he provided during last several weeks. To think that the same stallion was once one of the meanest and rudest pony he knew. To be fair, he still was, but he had good moments that outshined any evil he has ever done.
"No thanks. But if you insist, give my share to your lovely secretary. She has to endure you each day, she deserves a raise."
"I approve of this idea!" Cloud Chaser perked up, he wings fully extended from excitement.
"I second that idea!" Flitter likewise supported her fillyfriend.
Soarin scratched his head, but couldn't really say no when pressured by his two sexy roommates.
SMACK!
He was interrupted by the door suddenly opening with a loud thud. In the frame, they noticed a familiar, blue maned, white unicorn, though now more red than usual, almost at the boiling point, charging in.
"Stop the what now?" asked Cloud Chaser, raising an eyebrow, looking questionably at her company, all of them shrugged.
"What did you think we were doing?" asked Prince, glaring at the ever blushing Shining Armor.
"I-I-I, b-but, I t-thought..."
"You thought what?" asked Flitter "That we... with him... them?"
"W-well..."
"Pervert." Cloud Chaser quickly noted and everypony else nodded at her. Meanwhile, Shiny grew an even larger blush, amusing the group to no ends.
"And even if we were," Prince interjected "who gave you permission to control who, how or when we do it anyway?"
"I-I didn't..."
"Exactly!" Flitter nodded "I'm not going to ask for anyponys permission if we ever feel like having a foursome!" at the sound of that, Soarins wings perked up and he grew a smile. Flitter noticed that and rolled her eyes "Which will be never!" Soarins wings deflated, slightly.
"Prude!" Cloud Chaser snorted, ending the shame-a-thon.
That was all the unicorn ex-guard could take. His natural white coat was replaced by ashamed, fiery red, while he tried but failed to glue together a comprehensive word, let alone the whole sentence. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore, screamed and ran away, violently shutting the door behind him, probably running towards the streets of Ponyville in tears. Thankfully, it was already late evening, so there weren't many ponies on the streets to witness the humiliation.
"Wow," Flitter blinked "you guys were right, this is too easy!" she snorted.
"I dunno, I feel a little bad," said Cloud Chaser "didn't we go too far?"
Blueblood shook his head "He walked right into it. It's moments like these why he's stuck with me, instead of getting a promotion."
Everypony nodded. The story of 'Princess Puncher' already managed to spread out through Ponyville. But instead of condemning him for the rest of his life, it was just another hilarious moment that helped him get accepted into society. If anything, living in Ponyville was probably supposed to teach Shining Armor a few lessons of common sense, which he dearly lacked, unless we're talking about emergency situations, like evil alicorn Princess of the night trying to enslave the world. Which happens about once every one thousand years.
Either way, with Shining Armor gone, they went back to their previous business, which was, of course, accounting. They gathered all their profits on the table (after all, their clients paid in bits, because apparently checks and banknotes were so last year or something) and counting every single bit, double and triple checking the full amount. Several giant stacks of bits on the table looked impressive, to say the least. Then came the cutting part. Several stacks were separated from it. First up, was the promised 5% for Sunny Rays for her service. Then came the salary of his best and only secretary, her bonus, rent, later the expenses, like covering for broken window and door.
"Come to think of it, I still don't know what happened." Flitter noted, glaring the now sweating Soarin. Thankfully, he had backup this time in form of, who else, his usual life saver.
"Cutie mark crusaders!" Cloud Chaser quickly explained, smiling sheepish.
"Figures..." Flitter rolled her eyes "One of these days I need to have a few words with Applejack, Rarity and... whoever takes care of that orange filly. Really, those three should be held on a leash, for the good of the ponykind." she shook her head and went back to the bits pile, giving her roommates time to wipe the sweat from their foreheads and subtly bump hooves in celebration of a successful lie.
Prince Blueblood shook his head with disapproval. He leaned over to Soarin and whispered.
"Shut up."
After all the splitting was done, Soarin looked at his stack. It wasn't exactly a fortune. He made a bunch more from his career as a Wonderbolt, lackluster as it was. This was even less than a single fashion show, although much more relaxed all things considered. He'll take seven crazy, clingy, average looking mares over another day with that so called fashion photographer from back then. That was yet another pony on the 'Misc. reasons no to'.
"Well, that settles it for this month, I guess." said Flitter, as she grabbed a pile dedicated for the rent and put it in a small purse. Soarin couldn't help but notice that this wasn't a face of somepony who just had her problems solved.
"Okay, so I paid the rent for entire month in first week and gave Cloud Chaser a stable and well paid job, what exactly does it take to make you happy? You're not still annoyed about the whole 'convert half the house into office' thing, are you?"
"No, it's not that," Flitter shook her head "I would probably rent it anyway."
"Then what's the problem?"
"I don't have any problems. Where did you even get that idea from?"
The conversation stopped. The dreadful, awkward silence once again fell on the four ponies gathered at the table. Soarin could tell that Flitter was having doubts. He saw that face many times and it never stopped him. His roommate was a tougher nut to crack than he was used to, due to the whole 'gay and committed in a stable relationship' thing she had going for her. It took a few seconds more of staring right at her for the hard shell to break.
"But...?" Prince asked, notioning her to continue.
"But I don't see this working in a long-run. What happens once the hype wears out?"
"That's 'if' it wears out."
"What I'm trying to say, is that this seems like a passing fad that'll go away eventually. You all treat it like it's a lifetime investment, but can you really keep the clients coming? Is every week going to be this good? I wish you all the best, but I'm being a realist here."
Soarin couldn't answer that. Back when they were still in planning phase, they spent a lot of time figuring out what their long term strategy was going to be. Sunny warned him about the possibility of a great start and great fall that she's seen happen to her previous clients. The truth was, that this sort of business was a giant unknown. There were other companies like him before, but as a whole, professional matchmakers and consultations was a fairly new trend, there was no telling if it even catches on or will it die soon, like disco and puffy wigs.
"D'awww, so you do care about him!" Cloud Chaser cooed, then brought herself to her fillyfriend and hugged her tightly. Flitter covered herself in blush, but not because of Cloud Chasers affection.
"D-don't be silly! The only things I care about is you and rent. Definitely not him! Not now, not ever!"
Blueblood and Soarin exchanged glances, chuckling. Flitter coughed and lifted herself from the chair, still blushing.
"What do I have to do to make you love me?" he casually asked. Flitter stopped and answered just as casually.
"Die. Then be born as a different pony. Preferably female. Then we'll talk." and so she was gone, with Cloud Chaser coming after a moment later, still giggling.
That only left the two stallions by the table. Prince was busy arranging and packing the bits into several smaller bags, while Soarin looked at the corridor where Flitter disappeared. He thought for a moment before turning to his friend.
"So I heard. Why?"
"Do you happen to know a spell that could change gen--"
"Don't!"
Weekend passed very quickly, if not exactly lazily. If it was any consolation, accounting, filling forms and 'I have no idea what I'm even doing' was supposed to be easier as the time passed on. He considered himself lucky to even have Blueblood at his hoof, so at least one pony knew what he was doing. He dreaded future, when everything would be up to himself (and Cloud Chaser) to figure out. Once that was over, he still had some time to hit the bar to wingman on of his clients, then come back home, exhausted. He was no stranger to being tired or barely alive, for obvious reasons mentioned many time before. But this time, it was different. Every time he fell on his bed, right before shutting his eyes and going into the dream world full of dragons, swimming pools and top hats (don't ask), he allowed himself to sigh with satisfaction. All of those ponies, young and old, mares and stallions, were now living a better, happier life, all thanks to him.
"...oss? Boss? You awake?"
"--ZING! I'm awake!" Soarin suddenly jumped up from his... desk? He looked at his surroundings, fully realizing that instead of his own bed, he was now sitting on the chair in his office, with worried Cloud Chaser standing right next to him.
"Soarin, are you okay?" she asked, concerned. Soarin wiped his eyes slowly.
"It's okay, I just dozed off, nothing serious."
"Awww, poor baby!" Cloud Chaser walked right behind him and put her hooves on his arms, then started slowly massaging them "You work way too hard! Here, lemme help a bit!"
Bliss, was all he could use to describe his current feeling. He never knew Cloud Chaser was this skilled a masseur, but he didn't dare raise a suspicion, not at a glorious moment like that. Only one thing could make this even better...
"Hey, I brought that whipped cream for your pie!" said Flitter, entering the room with a can she energetically shook in her hoof.
"But we don't have any pie." noted Soarin, looking around the place for any pie, finding none. At the sound of news Flitter shrugged.
"Oh well, I guess I'll use it on myself then!" then she sprayed herself, from face, down her belly and even lower, then she slowly walked towards the desk and climbed over it, leaving the stains of cream everywhere, never once losing eye contact with Soarin, while Cloud Chaser stopped with the subtle massages and leaned herself closer, nuzzling the side of his face. Soarin covered himself in blush, and while smiling, he couldn't help but raise an eyebrow.
"Umm, I'm not saying no, but it's not my birthday, so... why?"
Flitter took it to herself to explain, while Cloud Chasers mouth was busy playing with his ear.
Then Pinkie Pie jumped through the window, smashing it in the process, receiving no body harm at all.
"We don't need it anymore," Flitter turned to Pinkie "wanna join us?"
Pinkie Pie's smile grew "I sure do!" she threw away the pie and hopped towards the desk as well.
"Three mares at once? I must be dreaming!" said Soarin, fully accepting the generous offer.
"Don't you mean four?" Pinkie asked. Soarin gasped and frantically looked around the room for one more, but saw nopony
"Where? Who?"
"YOU,silly!"
HE raised HIS eyebrow then turned towards a giant mirror, which was never there before, only to notice a rather hot, light blue pegasi with long, messy navy blue hair, with Cloud Chaser still nibbling her ear while Flitter was messing her desk with belly full of whipped cream.
Soarin sighed.
BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP-SMACK!
Soarin opened HIS eyes lazily as they tried to close again and get him back to a better world again, but he couldn't, as his aching hoof sent shivers through his nerves. He slowly raised his hoof towards his face, blocking the light reflecting from the windows, as few small screws and some plastic fell from it and landed on his muzzle. He turned his head and groaned, realizing he'd need another alarm clock. Still somewhere between sleeping and awake, he mumbled a few incomprehensible words (somepony could swear he said 'why Pinkie, of all ponies?'), before saying something he never thought he'll hear himself say, not in million years.
"I need to get laid..."
The following day, after a (cold) shower, breakfast and getting treated poorly by Flitter despite only wanting her platonic love, his workday went fairly relaxed for once. Seemed like the hype train did indeed slowed down a little bit, but he still had clients, which was quite satisfying. The rest of the day went lazily and him and Cloud Chaser had to find something to pass the time. It involved a lot of interaction between the two... and sadly, it wasn't banging.
"I summon Banana Ape in attack position!" Cloud Chaser put a card on the table with great conviction.
"Ha ha, you fell for my Pit trap!" he laughed, as he flipped the face down card that he had there for a while now. Surprisingly, Cloud Chaser's conviction didn't falter.
"Which I knew you had, so I summoned a meatshield to waste it on!" she pulled another card from her hoof and placed it on the table "As a second action, I summon Melon Ape! Which combined with my Grape Ape, they become unblockable!"
"Curse your fruit salad primates!" he threw his cards at the table and officially admitted defeat, while Cloud Chaser smiled at her victory in a game that wasn't in print for years and one that Flitter didn't want to play. She was lucky she was perfect in every other way, otherwise Cloud Chaser would've started wondering why they're together still.
And it was a good thing the match was over, because right at that moment, the door opened and another client entered. And he was a familiar one at that, they had no problem recognizing one of the last eligible bachelors in Ponyville outside Soarins circle of friends.
"Hey Caramel," Soarin waved towards the light brown coated earth pony "how's the date gone?"
Caramel opened his mouth, but closed it shortly afterward. His eyes twitched, along with the rest of his body, before he exploded in a flood of tears. All smiles on Soarins and Cloud Chaser's faces were gone.
"Oh buck..."
Five minutes later, after an unhealthy dose of hot chocolate and emergency apple pie they had in fridge, Caramel finally regained enough composure to regain his ability to talk. The first date has gone fantastically, they both had a great deal of fun watching a movie, then eating a nice, quiet dinner at the restaurant, talking about the movie, then their respective jobs, then the latest Wonderbolt Derby, after which they gone on another date, which had a similar, positive results. The third date was last Sunday and that was when the manure hit the fan, though Soarin had a hard time figuring out what went wrong from the story alone and Caramel was too shaken to be precise on the details.
"I-I just don't know what went wrong!" said Caramel, in between crying like a baby and eating another spoonful of pie, with lots of cream and sprinkles. Soarin didn't feel like having any himself, not after tonight. Not for another few days.
All he gathered, was that Caramel said something which made her so furious she threw him out of her house. So much for romantic homemade dinner. Soarin leaned back on his chair and closed his eyes, trying to remember that fateful day it all begun. This was one of his first jobs in the field, where he wingmanned Caramel into a perfect position to ask her out. She was a simple, light yellow coated, green maned mare, selling her wares on a marketplace each day. From what he could tell, they knew each other for years, but only passingly, never having guts to actually talk to her, let alone asking out, meanwhile a bunch of single mares kept bugging him instead. The plan was a success and Soarin witnessed Caramel asking her out on a date and she accepted happily. Nothing looked wrong from his perspective, but since he was watching from far away, he was bound to miss if something was wrong.
"Okay, I guess there's no other choice," Soarin finally announced, as he lifted himself up from his chair "in a situation like these, there's only one proper solution."
Caramel looked at Soarin, then forcibly chewed on his cake, swallowed it along with some tears, then asked.
"Yes," he patted Caramels shoulder and smiled "I'll go talk to her. Explain what happened and try to salvage the situation."
"B-but..."
"No buts! I'll get it all sorted out. So don't you worry, I'll be back in a jiffy and everything will be alright." he smiled widely. From the looks of things, Caramel cheered up a little as well and nodded "By the way, remind me, what was her name?"
"Okay, this time for sure!" Lyra took a few deep breaths and looked at the menacing, wooden front door. She delayed it long enough and Darwin kept pestering her more and more, especially over weekend. She was well aware that her new friend was a rock, but Pinkie Pie convinced her to keep him and cherish him forever. He wasn't exactly the best talker, but he was the best listener she ever knew. Except Bon Bon, but she was perfect. And probably softer too. If only she knew for sure.
She raised her hoof and was about to knock on the door (despite the clearly visible 'Open' sign), but was interrupted when the door opened by itself and a light blue blur passed her, leaving only wind behind. She heard a hasty 'excuse me' as he flew away, Celestia knows where. She looked up in the air, where her hope disappeared and sighed.
"..."
"No I'm not!"
"..."
"You know what?" she lifted the necklace with Darwin from her neck and held it in air for a while, glaring at it "I've had it! Ever since meeting you, all you do is order me around! Lyra do this, Lyra do that, Lyra don't do that, yadda yadda, I'VE HAD IT!" she tossed the rock at the ground "It's over! Done! Finished! And don't call me!" then she turned and walked away, relishing in her new freedom.
A minute passed, Lyra slowly came back, her head lowered in defeat. She picked up Darwin with her magic.
There were none.
Soarin wasn't in the marketplace too often, so it took him a while to find the proper place. In all honesty, all he remembered from last time was that it was very close to Sweet Apple Acres stand, the rest was pure guess. And there it was, a stand full of vegetables in crates, already closing and being packed back on the cart. It was getting late, most farmers were already gone, but this one was still shuffling about, though he could barely notice her moving around all the boxes. Here was a mare that could use some helping hoof and he knew exactly the stallion to help.
"That looks pretty heavy," he said casually, still trying to catch a glimpse of her body, at least a full view. All he got so far, were parts of her pale golden coat "I could lend a hoof, if you want."
"No thanks, I'm okay," she replied, not even bothering to raise her head from under her stand "I do that everyday. I don't need any STALLIONS help, thank you very much!"
Soarin hissed. Sounds like she was still bitter over Caramel's lackluster performance yesterday. He coughed and walked towards one of the boxes filled with carrots and lifted it easily in one hoof.
"Argh, fine," the mare finally lifted herself up from her stand, carrying a big wooden box on her back "just don't expect a reward, I'm not in the mood. And be careful, they're hea--"
SMASH!"
"...-vy..." she facehooved and sighed deeply. She put the box back on the stand and walked towards Soarin and crate he just dropped, shattering it to pieces, thus sending all the carrots tumbling over the street "Great, more work, just awesome!" she leaned down and started gathering the carrots, putting them to a separate box "Come on, help clean your mess."
It took her a moment to notice that he wasn't about to move out of the place, so she raised her head and looked at him, looking at her, except his eyes were wide and jaw dropped almost to the floor.
"What?" she scratched her head and looked around "Did you see a ghost or something?"
Soarin saw no ghosts. All that was in front of him, was a pale golden mare, around his age, with irritated look on her green eyes. The same he remember from before. With one slight exception, small detail but crucial nonetheless.
"Y-your mane..."
"What about my mane?" she asked, patting her mane with her hoof "Is there something in it?"
"It's... it's..." he gulped. Never in his life was he so scared to say this dreaded word "...g-ginger!"
Then it downed on him- of course a mare named Carrot Top would be ginger, like her carrots that she had on her cutie mark and that she sold (carrots, not the cutie mark).
"B-but... last time it was green!"
Carrot Top groaned, as her patience was being tested yet again and she was close to losing it.
It all become clear to him. He made a fatal mistake in his teachings. It wasn't Caramel that messed up here, in fact, nothing bad would've happen if he wasn't given a weapon he was not ready to use. 'The perfect line', the same one that helped a certain sea serpent few weeks ago, was supposed to be a killer move, a clincher, finisher and it worked. But it was a double edged weapon and in his hubris and carelessness, he let it be used on part of the entire Equestrian population immune to it, which according to latest census was only about 7%, if not less in Ponyville.
"Umm, hello?" Carrot Top waved a hoof before frozen Soarin, not sure what exactly happened and why the stallion was standing in one place, eyes wide open, giving no signs of life other than fast breathing and waterfall of sweat. Finally, he gave up and did what seemed like the most reasonable solution at the moment.
He ran away, flapping his wings harder than at a derby, disappearing in a blur, followed by a trail of dust and sand. Once the smokescreen was effectively gone and Carrot Top was done with fanning the dust away, she looked at the mess of carrots left on the ground.
It took Carrot Top way over planned ten minutes to clean up her stand and get ready to go home, courtesy of a certain pegasus that recently moved to Ponyville messing it even more. Gossip flew around, that he was actually an ex-Wonderbolt, but also that he a playcolt, a hunter, as he liked to call himself, taking pride in sleeping from one bed to another, never once staying for too long, just charming his way in and getting out without so much as a goodbye, leaving only a broken heart. Carrot Top knew the type very well and didn't like them a single bit. She couldn't recognize him at first glance, mostly because of the thick hipster glasses, but thinking about it now, she realized just who he was, but couldn't quite figure out why he left so early. Was it her hostile attitude? True, she had a bad day yesterday and he was a sleaze ball, but maybe she went a bit too far?
"Is there something wrong with me?" she asked nopony in particular, as she looked at her own reflection in the nearby window. She tried smiling, but it looked like it was- forced. She sighed. Her granny said: one needs to be feeling well to look well. And she wasn't. Even throughout the whole day of selling and farming carrots, her mind drifted towards one important question.
It was slowly getting dark and she was the only pony left standing on the marketplace. Everypony else was already done packing and left, at least having enough decency to ask if she wanted help, but she turned them all down. Her problems were her own, no point in troubling others. She wasn't in a rush anyway. Her home was empty anyway. All that awaited her, was dinner, bed, waking up tomorrow to do her chores, work on the fields, sell some carrots, back home, rinse and repeat for entire week, whole year round. Her life in a nutshell.
She was brought back from her thoughts by a cough. She turned around to see some familiar faces, thought only one was a relatively pleasant sight. The other two, on the other hoof...
Author's Note
Cue CaramelTop ship haters.
I tried hard to enter and Orange Ape as well, but I couldn't figure out how. Now I only have a half baked reference to an already niche show. Woe is me.
