Pony Floor: The Unfunny Version
YOU GUYS ARE ALL FUCKING STUPID, AND EVERY OC SUCKS ASS. Before you begin, contemplate fucking yourself.
Today, in an extraordinarily magical land called America, there is a large house on a larger plot of land. Inside this house, a certain pegasus pony called Rainbow Dash lies on a couch, watching the newest episode of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic". Her human father, the one who found her in a cardboard box 15 years ago, is preparing lunch for the expected group of friends today.
A knock at the door, and Dash goes over to open it. Just as expected, five colorful ponies are revealed. Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity are recruiting Dash on their latest adventure.
As the mane 6 chatter about current events in Equestria, Dash’s unnamed father finishes preparing an apple based, vegetarian meal. The group is called over, and they enjoy the fabulous apple based vegetarian meal, having some mundane conversation all the while.
SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE PLOT DEVICE.
Dash bids farewell to her father, and sets off with the rest of the colorful horses to the inter dimensional, hyper drive portal created by Celestia herself to allow travel between the Milky Way galaxy, and the vast unknown where Equestria is located. This portal had a bright orange glow to it, particles flying off at the edges due to the portal being composed of pure energy.
The group lock limbs, and jump into the portal, not worried at all due to the fact that this is an everyday mode of transport that the friends use to get around. However, as they jump in, something horrible happens. This horrible event, the bane of Equestria, is all Princess Celetia’s fault.
Prepare yourselves for some uncreative bullshittery that is YET ANOTHER PLOT DEVICE!
Because the portal is pure energy, and it being a portal between planes of existence, it can be quite unstable. Powerful magic, powerful enough to raise the sun every day must be cast on this unstable portal in order for the destinations to be set. If this magic is not cast on the portal, the other end could lead to horrible, unthinkable realities, obscured by the wonderful reality of Equestria and the a bit less wonderful reality of Earth.
The ponies brace themselves for the quick, rough trip back to Equestria. Sadly, a new, unbeknown location awaits our favorite pastel ponies.
Princess Celestia is lounging about in Canterlot Palace, striking up conversation with her royal guards, and going about her daily routine of enjoying the pain of others. Earlier today, she made sure not to cast the destination spell on the portal to see where the ponies would end up. No doubt they would find their way back through some miracle, the Princess eagerly awaits to see what the outcome of this pleasureful little experiment will bring.
She thinks about what horrible situation the ponies are in now, and can’t help but laugh hysterically, knowing that somewhere, she is causing pain and misery to the unfortunate.
What a troll.
The ponies burst through the brilliant blue, crackling portal, and landed on unfamiliar ground. As they stand up, they soon realize that this location does not look like anything they have ever seen before in Equestria. The smell of burning bodies and buildings hangs in the air. Apparently, by the looks of the area around the ponies, they are in a sort of city. This city isn’t like Ponyville, no. The only pony who can make a comparison here is Rainbow Dash. This city’s structure and materials remind her of the old, grey town from her childhood. This greatly frightens Dash, as well as the others.
What is this place? Where is this place? These questions, they can not answer. Twilight Sparkle immediately sets to work on trying to figure out how the destination of the portal could have changed, not believing for an instant that this could have been Celestia’s fault.
As the ponies stand close together, viewing the ruined, flaming city, there is a suggestion that they go back through the portal. Before they can do this however, the portal vanishes, much to their horror. A light breeze rolls over them, carrying the putrid scent of rotting cadavers and gasoline. Not so far away, moans and screams can be heard. Somepony- no, something is approaching.
Before they have time to react, pistols drop on the ground before them. The ponies knew what these were, they saw them in the shows on Dash’s television. These pistols were used by human law enforcers, carrying out the law and protecting the population from criminals. Just then, around the corner of a building, there walked a monstrosity.
This abomination of life shambls towards them, moaning incoherently. Its deathly pale skin is covered in blood. It looks rather humanoid, even though it is horrifying to look upon. As it grows near, the ponies panic. Twilight tries casting magic, but to no avail, soon realizing that magic does not exist in this reality, strangely similar to that of Earth’s.
As the abomination closes in on Twilight, she is at a loss of what to do. What can she do? What is this thing? Why is the narrator asking all these questions? Just then, a gunshot is heard from behind her, and the head of the abomination explodes. A small brain hits Twilight as she just stares at the still stumbling creature. As it raises an arm, preparing to strike Twilight, another gunshot is head from behind, and the creature falls, dead.
Rainbow Dash stands behind Twilight, a triumphant expression on her face, she holds the pistol in her hooves. How she got the trigger to work, that is a secret to pony kind. As more abominations exactly like the last stumbled forward around the ruined buildings and burning bodies, the rest of the ponies follow Dash’s example, and are soon blasting the heads off of the abominations who dare challenge the fearsome six pony soldiers.
Yes, these seemingly peaceful, loving ponies develop sharpshooting skills to blow off heads in a matter of seconds.
As the abominations are seen approaching from behind, the group must move away from that location and move about, taking care not to fall behind, lest they are hit by one of the abominations. As the novice sharpshooters back away from the advancing horde, none of them look behind of the group to see exactly what they are backing up into. Pinkie Pie is attacked from behind, grappled, and is somehow being damaged, yet the rest cannot see any indication that she is being physically harmed. The abomination is clearly making some kind of damaging, harmful motion, yet Pinkie Pie’s body is intact. Her face however, is making expressions indicating that she is in pain.
The abominations is killed, and Pinkie Pie is freed. A bar appears over her head, containing a red gauge of some sort. Half of the red color is gone, replaced by white. Pinkie Pie looks injured, and if the gauge is at half... then she must be damaged!
Twilight makes a horrifying realization. The only arcade game in Ponyville is some kind of fighting game, with the characters having bars of health. When these bars drained completely from combat, the characters died. Twilight thinks that they have somehow found their ways into a video game.
As the last abomination is killed off, Twilight shares this idea with the rest of the group. Her explanation is cut short when there is a feminine voice, talking about shopping for guns, and a faint red glowing trail appears. The trail is apparently leading them to the female voice, so they decide to follow it in search of what just happened.
As they approach a building, they see a lady armed to the teeth with strange weaponry the likes of which was never seen by the ponies. The lady just stares at the horses, shocked at what she is observing. The ponies awkwardly look back. Fluttershy asks if she is selling the weaponry. After a few more unbearably awkward seconds, the lady snaps out of her surprise and responds, confirming Fluttershy’s question. Too late, the ponies are teleported out of the shop. A new round begins, and some red gurgling things charge out of nowhere, swords protruding from stubs of arms. The red things proceed to slice up the shocked ponies, clearly taken by surprise.
As one by one, they take damage and fall dead, they don’t lose conciousness they remain, disembodied and looking down upon their cut up corpses. As she looks down at the diced pieces of pony, Pinkie Pie gets an idea for a new recipe for cupcakes.
They apparently, can speak too, and hear each other, none of them having the slightest clue as to what is going on. A screen appears before their consciousnesses... asking... them to vote a new map. As Twilight spots a map called “KF- Equestria” she says to the rest to vote on it. How they were able to vote, don’t ask me, I’m just the crumby narrator of this horrid work of fan fiction.
The map is selected and they find themselves in the midst of an average day at Ponyville, unaware of the unspeakable horrors they have brought with them.
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED SOME FURIOUS CLOPSTURBATION. Now is the time to go fuck yourself, but only if you have contemplated it as instructed earlier.
Pony Floor: The Funny Version
So anyway bros, I would like to thank the people who disliked and commented on the Unfunny Version. I feel so warm and tingly on the inside now. I will now write a worse version of the story in hopes of wasting your time :D
Once upon a time in some magical muh fuckin land called Killing Floor, a british soldier was grabbed by an african american Patriarch. The Patriarch spoke in a deep, booming voice filled with pure rage and semen, “Yo home boy, yo betta listen up mang. Ima keel ya.” The horrified soldier merely responded with a “I want drugs! NOW!” With that, the discriminated against Patriarch blew away the soldier with his chain gun, and triumphantly stomped off to go hide in some trash can, waiting for the next batch of soldiers to mug.
Now, earlier today in the less magical land of Equestria, we have Princess Mollestia. She is currently occupied by doing some awful, unspeakable things to Pipsqueak the gagged and tied pirate. Mollestia has forgotten to cast a plot device spell on a plot device portal. Because of this, 6 lesbian cartoon horses have been launched into the video game called Killing Floor.
So here we are, with the 6 gays, in Killing Floor. A specimen has just appeared and is getting fucked by one a dem hurses. When I say fucked, I don’t mean it in a sexual way. When I say fucked, I mean anything other than something sexual.
After a few rounds of shit spewing and pistol firing, the ponies lose their temper with the trader and decide to kill her and take all the guns. With their new M32s and AA12s they leave the trader’s bullet riddled, shit spewed corpse.
The black Patriarch approaches, and a mighty battle ensues. In the end the blackenstein came out victorious. The ponies rage quit, turning off their computers and going out for ice cream.
When I say ice cream, I mean it in a sexual way, whatever that means. Now go fuck yourself.
No man, I mean seriously, go fuck yourself.