"Button!"
"Yeah dad?" I called back. It was 9 at night. Almost time to go to bed. Not that I actually went to sleep at the time. Normally I just stayed up on my joyboy. I know how bad it is to deprive yourself of sleep but... Yeah....
"You have any homework tonight?" my father said walking into my room.
"I'll check."
"You get started, it's late"
"Alright dad" I said putting my headset back on "Hey guys I'll be right back I gotta check for homework." I told my virtual friends over the mic.
Eh math homework.... Eh it's so late I rather just use my homework pass
"Ok guys I'm ba-"
"Button you finish your homework already?"
"No, I was going to use this homework pa-" I was explaining as I started to take out the packet with the pass to show my father.
"You don't have to show it to me!" my father snapped.
"OKAY OKAY!"
This reaction is due to our past experience with homework talk. The constant interrogations on weather or not I had really done my homework. The hours of fighting and yelling.
"Come on button every night you don't have homework I at least want to see you trying."
"WHAT?! I have the homework here with the pass I'm getting the grade for tonight's homework! I am trying!"
"What about the last 2 weeks then?! You have had no homework over the last to weeks and I find that hard to believe!"
"I have had homework and I have done it!" While it is true I have done some most of it was forgotten. Being addicted to videos games and having ADD didn't help one bit.
"Well I haven't been seeing it!" He snapped.
"Dad even if I didn't do all of it what do you want me to do about it now?! You say you want me to try to do my work I have the work for tonight covered! What do you want from me tonight?!"
"I want you to try and pass!"
"I am! You always say I'm not trying when I am! I stop trying when you yell at me about the past when I lied about homework or didn't turn in one assignment on time! What do you want from me right now to end this?!"
"I want you to try!"
"I am trying! Look it's done for tonight!" I yelled as I reached for my math homework with the homework pass.
"I told you I don't want to see it!"
"Then what do you want?!"
"To see that you are actually trying!"
"BUT I JUST TRIED TO SHOW YOU!"
At this point we were both yelling. Both of us shut down and went into full rage. No more thinking just fighting. Yelling.
It went on between "I want to see that you're trying!" and "I am look at my homework here!" with the response of "I said I don't want to see the homework!" and so it went around yet again.
I was trying. I was trying earlier in the school year. I tried at the start of each quarter always to be talked down about the previous grades and about how I don't try.
Sadly the grades reflect the whole 9 weeks, not the first 2 in which I do truly try.
For the first 2 or so weeks of each quarter I'm alive. Go to school, do my work, sit with real friends at lunch, go home to my virtual friends that live in Cloudsdale, Trottingham, and Manehatten, and play some video games. Then came last quarter's report card...
4 Fs and 3 Ds
The usual fight starts. Just as it happened every quarter. I go back to school. My mind unsettled by the night before. The fury still flowing through. To exhausted to work and think about how to solve "2x-8y>12" I simply drop to sleep on the desk. Only to be awaken by the teacher in a loud and embarrassing fashion.
Followed by smirks from those around me. "Blank flank fallen asleep again?" with more pestering to follow. Lunch comes by with only how bad my day has been on mind. Shutting out my friends I simply sit next to them with saying anything. Ignoring their attempts at conversation by drowning them out in my heavy rock music.
The day only getting worse with 2 more classes left of pain and misery. Not the fun challenge the work usual provided. Now more of an annoyance.
__________________________
"You will never understand dad! You were popular! You had good grades! You had girls! YOU HAD FRIENDS!"
"I JUST WANT YOU TO DO BETTER AND BE HAPPY!"
"THEN WHY TALK ME DOWN EVERY TIME I DO SOMETHING GOOD?! Do you ever wonder why I hate my life?! Do you ever wonder why I have to take 10 ML of anti depressant?! Because I hate myself and what I do! I have no friends! I play video games all day, fail every class in school, and get bullied by everyone!"
"You have friends on your computer."
"THOSE AREN'T REAL FRIENDS! THEY'RE VIRTUAL! They live in Trottingham, and Manehatten! Not Ponyville!"
Another one of the usual fights. The therapist calms them down for a while, but we always come back to the same fight.
"You will never understand my life! To be hated and made fun of by everyone in your school! Every class, every day! If you wont acknowledge when I actually do try then what's the point in trying at all?"
The circle of yelling goes around and around for another night, and then another, and another. Until one night.
My father yells "IF I MAKE YOU FEEL SO BAD THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T STAY WITH ME!"
After my dad stomps out of my room I simply say one thing to my friends online.
"Goodbye"
I pack my saddlebag and leave.
________________
Great. I left my mom and now... I left my father too. My mother has always had issues. Depression, anxiety, and recently diagnosed as bipolar. That explains a lot. My father... One problem. Rage.
So now I look over the situation. I think my whole life through.
I am Button Mash. I am a Blank Flank who is failing half of his classes his freshcolt year in highschool. I have been bullied since 3rd grade for no reason what so ever. I have no friends. No one likes me. I'm addicted to video games. Now I don't even have those.
My virtual friends that comfort me, and take me away from the real world, gone. Forever. My dad has said the same thing many times. Saying he would bring it to my grandparents down the road.
No! I am not doing that! This time... I had enough. I snapped. The first thing that went through my head as I was packing was simple.
Where's that cliff the crusaders went skydiving off of
CELESTIA, I'M AN IDIOT! What am I suppose to do now?! If I go to school my mom and dad will certainly be there... I really care about school and I want to show my teachers that by being there. Even if they aren't there the teachers will have been informed on the recent events and without a doubt call as soon as they see me walk in.
My head racing as I wandered around the border between the Everfree Forest and Ponyville. I couldn't just keep meandering around town and I knew it.
My mind had eased enough since the fight to convince myself that the cliff is not my only option, yet I still knew it was an option.
"BUTTON YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" I screamed banging my head on the nearest tree as hard as I could.
WAIT! Where am I going to stay tonight?!
More and more complications flooded my mind sending me closer and closer to my previous solution.
I finally ended up breaking down, crying my life out by the edge of town, under a tree. I didn't bring food nor toys. Nothing. I simply packed a few jackets, knowing it was the middle of the winter. The forecast for next Tuesday was snow. In the rush thinking what to pack was so difficult.
It was starting to get cold. I put one of my few coats on and waited hoping an idea would pop into my head. Something. Some idea on what to do.
It didn't come that night. Lying in the same place until darkness. My eyes lids getting heavier and heavier as I tried to think of something to do.
I simply waited, and waited. Nothing came. I soon moved deep into the eastern orchard of sweet apple acres. Apples... That's it. 3 apples a day every day. That was enough to survive. Water from the nearby water fall.
The snow came a day early. Monday morning the snow started falling. School was out and plenty of kids would be playing outside in the snow. More ponies I needed to hide from... Great. I should be fine here in the orchard though.
Oh but I was wrong. I had never realized it but I had moved my way day by day closer and closer to the crusader's club house. I had never realized until I heard the laughs of the trio out in the snow. We were all 14 now but snow still brought joy to all fillies and young mares.
Oh Celestia! Ok button just sit still they wont notice you!
They never noticed until one unlucky little snowball decided the instead of hitting Apple Bloom that it should hit the snow filled leaves above me. That's when random chunks of snow and frozen apples started to fall from the tree.
Lets just say... It's not fun to have a frozen apple full encased in ice fall into your jacket and slowly slide down you back. That's what I get for leaning against at tree...
Of course the usual response from anyone comes out. I jump straight up yelling throwing the coat off my back trying to wipe the snow that had also fallen with the apple off of my back fur.
"Button we broke up a while ago. Why are you still acting so stupid around me?" Sweetie Belle chimed in between laughs.
I couldn't answer. I just stood there shivering. I felt my face get hot as I was obviously blushing.
It had been almost a year since we broke up, yet I still haven't gotten over her. I have always made sure not to show it. While I wasn't over her it didn't bother me we weren't together. I just still had that little crush on her. It was simple really. None of the other fillies at school ever got my attention nor did I ever get anyone's attention in the first place.
"Where have you been over the last week anyways? There are a bunch of rumors at school that you ran away. They think your parents are looking for someone and you are the only one that's missing at school."
"Are you skipping school or something?" Scootaloo asked.
"I.. Uhhh..."
I slowly backed away towards my saddlebag. When I turned to grab it and run I found to my surprise it was buried in snow... The rest of the snow fell from the branches. I must have knocked them with my coat when I threw it off my back.
"What's wrong Button?"
"Nothing! Nothing!"
"Okay there's something up Button. It's obvious now."
"He did run away!" Apple Bloom blurted out.
"OKAY! Fine. I ran away."
"Well why would ya do that?"
"Reasons."
Sweetie Belle stepped forward. "We may not be dating anymore but we can still be a bit more open with each other."
I glared right at her and said it even more forceful then the first time. "Reasons!"
Sweetie Belle let out a sigh. "Knowing you it must be either a very good reason, or an extremely stupid reason. Listen we're your friends you can tell us."
"Don't you think the whole running away approach is a little immature for our age anyways?" Scootaloo spat out right after just to get a quick hoof from Sweetie Belle."
"It's snowing out and you look cold come on in the club house."
"No I..." I was freezing. My few jackets were soaked under 2 feet of snow, or still wet from the frozen apple. "Fine..." I finally spat out.
It didn't have a heater but it was still a whole lot warmer then outside.
"Listen... Button ya have ta go back some time soon. Anyways what have ya been eating this whole time?"
"I hope you don't mind Apple Bloom but I just had a few apples from the orchard every day."
I have a feeling she only asked to confirm a suspicion.
The day went on with the suspected interrogation from the trio. The most they got is "For reasons." or "Because." They wouldn't understand. They don't know what it's like. At sunset they decided they should go home.
I expected a visit from somepony either the next day or the same night. There was no way they had gone out and not told anypony about my running away. Before they left Apple Bloom told me I'm welcome to stay in the club house if I wanted to.
Once my jacket dried out it was much warmer. Much more comfortable.
So I waited.
My internal body clock was still off. I only would get tired around midnight.
Right as I felt my eyelids start to close I heard the door to the club house open. It was Sweetie Belle.
"You know I still care for you. I understand how you feel. I have seen how you act at school on your bad days."
"No you don't understand. You won't understand until you're in my position yourself. No friends, bad grades, and parents who try to fight with you!"
"You do have friends button! Why else would I sneak out so late? Listen. Things will be alright."
"No they wont! I just ran away! If I go back it's either the extreme pity and 'give him whatever he wants' attitude or the 'you selfish bastard! You're grounded!' attitude! I'm still failing my classes no matter what!"
"But you still have a chance to pass! If you don't go back then you wont have a chance at all!"
I simply sat there in silence taking in the conversation.
"Listen I wont let you stay out here alone and cold I brought some blankets."
She then handed me a blanket and pillow then laid down on the other side of the club house with her own. Maybe someone does care about me. Maybe not as much as they did before but there's still someone that does in some way.
I finally slept well for the first time in over 19 weeks.
