The Homoerotic Biblemann Adventures Of Yesterday's Tomorrow

by iloveportalz0r

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Other, Romance, Adventure, Sex, Random, Crossover, Human, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 5782

Biblemann and his friends embark on an epic adventure in the world of ponies

Biblemann always wanted to be a homosexual. Fortunately, the power of creative storytelling has allowed this magnificent feat of sexual activism to occur. Join Biblemann, Barack Van Winkletoes, and everyone's favorite ogre, Shrek, on an exciting journey to the magical land of Equestria! These brave heroes will face countless enemies on their path to holy righteousness, and unfortunately, all you can do is pray for them. Sorry, kids; I can't transport you into the story.

Let the kinky comical crusade commence!

This epic adventure novel is a collaboration with Chuckward :moustache:

Published 2014-01-28 08:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-28 05:04:48 UTC

Chapter 1: The Adventure's Beginning Starts To Start Its Beginning

Dipplestraße, the funniest city in Germany, was being completely and utterly unfunny. They’d just come up with a new video series named Das Biblemann Abenteuer. Of course, some silly /de/tard liked this shit, so he used his magical German powers to make a magical magic machine to bring Biblemann to life. The machine injected le needles into ßiblemann's skin, barely piercing his Chestplate of Righteousness. It injected pure Jesus cum into Biblemann, filling his mighty veins with only the holiest of sperm.

Biblemann burst forth from the machine and unsheathed his Sword of The Holy Spirit. He twirled it around a bit, as a math student does with his calculus homework to impress his friends on a Friday night, and viciously slashed the machinery that surrounded him, along with the /de/tard who created him.

"Foolish sinner," he said, "your sinful science simply cannot compare to my Armour of God."

Biblemann leapt through a window that was there for breeze-related functions, and fell thirty storeys. It's a good thing God caught him amirite? /tips fedora. He then proceeded to beat a single mother to death, in order to display the forgiveness of Christ.

Various police officers arrived on the scene, firing bullets from their guns, which were triggered by the trigger that they pulled with their fingers, caused by the muscles in his arm contracting, due to signals sent from the brain.

Unfortunately for the officers of the law, Biblemann (despite looking like a retarded Lakers mascot) had God on his side, and was therefore OP as shit.

"Thou shalt not murder," he growled ferociously. Then he murdered them for topkeks.

8====D

Somewhere in Africa, an intelligent negro had just invented a new form of life. After much contemplation, he decided to name it the Donut Steel. It resembled a horse, but it was much cuter, sexier, and stripier. That red ‘n’ black striped skin, mann. It’s to die for.

8====D

Most coincidentally, an event completely unrelated to these two events had just evented. An evil autistic brony scientist had just created an evil science machine which coułd transport anything but hisself to Equestria. The evil autistic brony scientist became an hero, and the whole world rejoiced.

Fortunately for Barack Van Winkletoes, who was bored, these three seemingly unrelated things coułd be combined into a whole buttload of fun. He used his magical emperor powers to transport hisself to this reality, then quickly stole the Donut Steel and the evil science machine. Only he had enough swag to harness the evil of science for boredom-curing purposes. I like curling

After a short (i.e. 0 seconds long) journey to Biblemann’s current location (Wyoming), he powered up the evil science machine with his swagger and threw the Donut Steel into it.

Barack Van Winkletoes turned to look at Biblemann. He opened his mouth, breathed in a bunch of polluted air, and began to speak.

“Biblemann, you must enter the portal and save Equestria from its unholy unholiness!”

“lel k” responded Biblemann with heroic glee of heroism.

Biblemann backed up a bit, went into a good science stance, and drop kicked himself right into the evil science machine. Suddenly, Barack Van Winkletoes disappeared.

0.64 seconds later, Barack Van Winkletoes reappeared with Marvin Heemeyer in one hand and an armored bulldozer (i.e. a tank) in the other. He threw these holy devices into the evil science machine, willed himself into invisibility, and took the plunge.

8====D

One the other side of the portal, Biblemann found himself staring at a small, purple unicorn. Biblemann was somewhat worried. He knew that blacks were cursed by God, and purple is a nigger color. He was, however, simultaneously relieved to find proof of the Unicorn race that God had for told of (srsly it's in the bible) and he decided to be peaceful, going against every instinct in his aching Christian body.

Unsurprisingly, the weird purple unicorn opened its mouth to speak.

"Hello there, my name is Twilight Sparkle, who are you?"

"I am Biblemann," replied Biblemann, "defender of the weed of God."

Biblemann’s sexy holy voice of holiness sexually aroused Twilight’s sexy bits, which was very sexy. Unfortunately, the only pony who witnessed this barely-legal act of sexiness was Featherweight. Fortunately, he had recorded the whole thing and was planning on selling it to Big Macintosh.

Twilight's horn discharged a pulse of raw sexual energy, causing sparks and sexy electromagnetic waves to fly everywhere.

"WITCHCRAFT!" Biblemañn screamed in a girly voice with his palms on his cheeks.

Biblemann promptly unsheathed his Sword of The Holy Spirit, twirled it for good metric measure (not imperial measure, you disgusting Americans), and shoved it up Twilight's fartbox. With Twilight properly immobilized, Biblemann proceeded to beat the literal shit out of Twilight, a la his Gaulntlets of Trüth.

8====D

Spike articulated words seemingly: “Hashtag four twenty Shrek it every day.”

Unfortunately, Spike had been feeling rather niggardly that day, so he simply didn’t have it in his little dragon heart to donate ten percent of his swiggity swaggins to the Richard Shrekkins Foundation For Euphoria And Grassy Tysons. This made Shrek so fucking pissed that he teleported to Spike's coordinates and anally destructificated him with onion-flavored death.

8====D

Meanwhile, Marvin Heemeyer, who had been knocked out upon entering Le Perpetually A Bargain Forest, had woken up and noticed the killdozer beside him. In the name of his one and only true love, Rob Ford The Crackhead, he swore vengeance upon those who had wronged him.

With a menacing rumble, the killdozer awoke.

8====D

Shrek made his way through Ponyville, releasing sick toots from his booty with every step. His massive Shrock was still hard from his journey into Spike's sphincter, the remains of which stubbornly stuck to his precious ogre dick.

So Shrek strolled through the town, skewering ponies onto his Shrick along the way. It took about 600 + 66√8̅,̅2̅3̅4̅,̅8̅6̅5̅ ponies to finally cover his colossal cock, but finally Shrek's massive member was coated in the warm blood of his enemies. The Shrekoning was upon them.

8====D

Biblemann had finally finished brutalizing Twilight Sparkle, and now planned to move onto a much more pressing matter: the eradication of the entire town. So Bibleman Bible-dashed with his Bible-legs to the innards of Ponyville, where he was greeted with a most unholy sight.

It was Shrek, with his massive Shrock, which was adorned with decorative pony carcasses.

"Shrek! How dare you show your nauseatingly repulsive face around here? Psalms 88:99 clearly states that thou shalt not Shrek," screamed the disgusting Christian.

"Yeh laddeh? An wut ef ah dunt subscribe ta yer wee little fairy tale?"

"Then I shall follow the Book of Deuteronomy and kill anyone who doesn't believe in God!"

Shrek merely laughed in reply. Then he belched, sending his Shrock shooting forward at the speed of electromagnetic waves, where it collided with Biblemann's chest.

Thankfully for Biblemann, The Chestplate of Righteousness was strong enough to withstand this baby-batter-bazooka blast. However, it was not strong enough to harm the Shrock, which returned to its owner shortly after the collision.

There they stood; the new gods of epic, edgy legend, in a pause from the senseless but totally awesome fighting. Neither one wanted to back down, but they both knew that they were too evenly-matched for either one to win this battle.

A voice from the heavens proclaimed, “You shoułd make love, not war.”

Shrek and Biblemann looked at each other briefly, then they glomped each other and prepared for the best anal sexual intercourse of their lives.

Suddenly, they heard a low, distant rumble in the distance. Its pitch was low, similar to low-pitched Skrillex basses. It was also rather distant, like my highly-abusive father when he was too drunk to beat me and Lacey. The poor soul couldn’t even muster up enough strength to stick shards of glass in my vagina. The few remaining ponies ran in terror, save for Derpy, who is an retarded autistic faggot.

Having been blessed with mole capabilities by Barack Van Winkletoes, the killdozer emerged from the ground beneath them, flapping its vulture wings as it crushed Derpy to death before turning to our daring heroes, who were still in pre-marital mid-buttsecks coitusal bliss.

Barack Van Winkletoes, still invisible, watched in silent silence as the unfolding events unfolded in an envelopic manner. All is right with the world, he thought (with his brain, for those of you who were wondering).

Chapter 2: The Adventure Boogaloos Its Electric Hard-on

Biblemann and Shrek stopped basking in le ebin afterglow of sex once they saw the Killdozer™ emerge from its hidey-hole hidey-hole someone's in the hidey-hole. The Killdozer™ laffed at their miniscule penis-shaped penises, for even a Shrock can not compare to Killdozer™ cock.

Unfortunately for the le Killdozer™, Biblemann has a small penis humiliation fetish, passed down to him like AIDS from his ancestors: the Bible people of mid-Georgia. This makes sense because all Georgians are retarded, inbred redneckbeards with little pëckers. (author’z note: no, not Georgia the state, Georgia the country)

Biblemann also knew (brand knew) that he could not confront the Killdozer™ alone; Shrek's help was simply a required necessity, and if Shrek could not overcome penis envy, soon they would both be kill. (authors note: U liek my fresh maymay?) The only option was to stall the Killdozer™, and so Biblemann unsheathed his Sword of Le Holy Spirit, which surprisingly is not being used as a euphemism for penis.

Biblemann charged the Killdozer™ with a single tear in his eye, like an epic vidya game herœ. With extreme coolnisizzle, Biblemann swung his sword at the Killdozer™ and screamed and shouted and letted it all outted.

"That'll be ¥47 yen." said Biblemann.

The Killdozer™, blushing at his own stupid forgetful stupidity, reached into his pocket and opened his coin purse to find that he had only ¥46. Muttering angrily, Killdozer™ began crawling around on the ground to see if he could find another ¥. ¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥ Super nigger yen number1.

Killdozer™ eventually managed to find a lenny len gem ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) that had come out of Spike’s ass (protip: if u r a buttwhore, don’t keep money in there or it will just fall out). Fortunately for him, Shrek’s massive Shrock had crushed it into a perfect yen-shaped shape. Unbeknownst to anyone there (except for Barack Van Winkletoes, for he knows all), the yen had a small microscopic tiny miniature miniscule babby bantam bitty diminutive inscription inscribed on it:

Here's the thing. You said a "jackdaw is a crow."

Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.

As someone who is a scientist who studies crows, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls jackdaws crows. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing.

If you're saying "crow family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Corvidae, which includes things from nutcrackers to blue jays to ravens.

So your reasoning for calling a jackdaw a crow is because random people "call the black ones crows?" Let's get grackles and blackbirds in there, then, too.

Also, calling someone a human or an ape? It's not one or the other, that's not how taxonomy works. They're both. A jackdaw is a jackdaw and a member of the crow family. But that's not what you said. You said a jackdaw is a crow, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the crow family crows, which means you'd call blue jays, ravens, and other birds crows, too. Which you said you don't.

It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?

Little did everyone, including the Harlem Globetrotters know, this inscription was the key to the Jewniverse. No way amirite ö. Unfortunately this will NEVER influence the story

⁂ 8====D ⁂

Meanwhile, in Sweet Apple Acres, Big Macintosh is preparing to confess his love for Applejack with a love poem of love:

"Don't tear my fragile heart asunder, for you simply lack the ability to comprehend my plight. In the event that my heart were to be damaged beyond repair by you, then it would possibly explode in a manner that would expose my mortality. In my current state, I feel it necessary to inform you that upon seeing you, Oxytocin and Vassopressin are released in my body, which many scientists consider to be the cause of the third stage of love beyond lust and attraction. This stage is known as attachment, and it is reserved for only the most compatible of mates. You little bitch."

⁂ 8====D ⁂

Little did everyone, including the Harlem Globetrotters know, this inscription was the key to the Jewniverse. No way amirite ö. Unfortunately this will NEVER influence the story.

Killdozer™℠ wheeled the ¥47 to Biblemann and ran away as fast as he tankily coułd with his shitty tank leg wheel things. Biblemann then turned the ¥47 into 47¢ (CAD) and shoved them all up his ass. Shrek, being a big fan of the ass penniesism ideology, gave Biblemann 3 hairy thumbs up.

When suddenly, a Greek guy named Testicles (pronounced Test-i-kleez, you dipshit) appeared out of somewhere! After all, everything comes from somewhere, and if you don't believe then u = [le]terally an faggot. Even the mighty ronpaulillar has an origin! Its origin, like many other origins, is (0, 0, 0) relative to itself. That’s a 3D (haha a math joak) coordinate, of course. If we were dealing with an ultra 4-dimensional ronpaulillar, we’d have to use (0, 0, 0, 0). That’s a whole extra comma, space, and 0 not factorial! Unfortunately, the 5-dimensional ronpaulillar is only a myth.

⁂ 8====D ⁂

Meanwhile, elsewhere in pony land, Princess Luna, having just discovered the internet, was searching low and high for wonderful new wonders. Unfortunately, this is all she got:

Files in the "g" directory I consider to be "good":
Your program should definitely support them if it claims to support BMP.

Files in the "q" directory I consider to be "questionable":
These may be really unusual, or technically violate the documentation in some
way, or I may be unsure about their validity.

Files in the "b" directory I consider to be "bad":
These are clearly invalid or unreasonable. Make sure your program doesn't crash
when reading them.

“IS THIS SOME KIND OF MATING RITUAL?” she asked in a perfectly normal voice FUCK YOU THAT JOKE ISN’T FUNNY ANY MORE.

⁂ 8====D ⁂

Eventually, within the range of zero to three hundred millennia (inclusive), Killdozer™ realized that he'd been bamboozled like a bamboozled faggot, and this made him so mad bro that he super saiyan'd into Killdozer® (where ® = Regidar’d trademark). U doubt me an I'll bop u k? k. This evolution (scary word for a christian, I know) opened up Killdozer®’s mind to a whole new realm of euphoric consciousness.

Why do they call them "black people" when they aren't people? thought the Killdozer®.

Oh my Laws Of Physics Physics Laws. he realized. (authorz note: we ain’t French here)

They mı̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨ade me wipe my screen﻿.

TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR THE THRILLING CONCLUSION OF CHAPTER 2: CHAPTER 2: Episode 1 because we are secretly Valve.

Author's Note

Finally, after almost an entire non-fractional year, it's here! The chapter you've all been waiting for: BIBELMANN CHAPTER TWOOOOOOOOOOOOWOOOOHOOOOOO I'M SO FUCKING EXCITETDED!

The best part: it even uses the ASTERISM!

Chapter 2: Episode 1

Biblemann and Shrek turned their heads 45°C to the right, and saw Andrew Harrison getting anally fisted by Machamp from Pokëmon. Gardevoir, the gender-confused little bugger, FINISH THIS SENTENCE FOR ME. No fag

⁂ 8====D ⁂

Somewhere in another frame: Twilight Sparkle, teleporting hypocycloidic needles into random ponies’ses buttholes. What a merry prankster she is.

Andrew Harrison beckoned Shrek over to him and took his fat ogre cock into his gaping mouth, enjoying the oniony flavor of the delicious Dulocian dick that was sliding down his faggot throat.

Rainbow Dash gazed into Marvin Heemeyer’s eyes with equinely love, winking her own eyes one at a time in some kind of weird horse-like innuendo-based courtship ritual attempt. Theirs was a forbidden love, she, a cartoon horse, he, a non-fictional being. She, a harmoniously happy pinnacle of creation, and he, a random guy with a tragic backstory who magically appears in Equestria and, at first glance, appears to be a criminal, but is really just a misunderstood nice guy or something. Plus he was unpopular back home and was totally okay with leaving everyone he'd ever loved (only after violently deconstructing their buildings) cuz YOLO.

Rainbow Dash lied/lay/whatever down, rolled onto her back (with her wings jammed straight into the bed, bent in weird directions as her bones splintered), spread her back legs, and winked her third eye at Marvin ;). It was at that time that Marvin the Earthling realized he was actually about to bone Tenshinhan from Dragon Ball Z.

[center⁂ oh shit we forgot the epic fight scene ⁂
also ⁂ 8====D ⁂center]

(you may imagine bubbly ragtime piano or whatever that stuff is playing during this part of the story(it's LGBT reggae)
Killdozer® did seven backflips and seven frontflips at the same time, at a rate of one backflip per front flip per second, which is to say that he stood in place for seven seconds. Then, he dashed forward like Dash from The Incredibles, and later in the decade The Incredibles 2.

Dash from The Incredibles was unfortunately nowhere to be found, Alexstrasza was forcing him to create the fastest child pizzaography of all time, but it's not rape cuz men can't be raped, and even though in my headcanon Dash is a polysexual deitykin transmale he's still a man.

Shrek and Biblemann took time away from their schedule of making Minecraft Top 10s and prank videos in order to react to the Killdozer® in a way that I'm sure iloveportalz0r would be happy to describe for me, and it went something like this: Shrek and Bibleman, wearing their awesome dual-super-combo-power rings, brofisted the rings together really, really hard. It hurt their dactylions for a moment, and then…

Biblemann and Shrek began to glow, dimly at first, and then hotter and hotter! It went all the way from infrared, to red, to whatever comes next, to violet, and even ultraviolet. Eventually, they worked their way up to being so hot that they emitted gamma radiation, which is very unsafe for organic life (and probably other life, too). Eventually, through some sequence of undescribed events happening (because that is what EVENTually means), they stopped floating (I forgot to say when they started), their arms came apart, and their cloaky cape-like things which increased this chapter's total word-count by three continued flapping in a nonexistent breeze. All was silent in awe, Butte only for just 3 Planck times (the measurement of time relating how long it took for the plancking meme to die).

Unfortunately for the two of them(forgot their names lol) Killdozer® actually ran them over and none of the previous paragraph actually happened, it was all a dream (does that cream your meme Onision?). They tried to sue the Killdozer® for 38£ but no judge would willingly convict a Killdozer, registered or otherwise.

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was still fucking her Rainbow Dash blow-up doll with her awesome penis. Just Imagine™ all that lubricant! And then she stopped doing that and her penis retracted and fell off and she was a girl again. Non-suddenly, she looked up and saw that while she was busy performing sexual intercourse with an inanimate object, a few unruly Cloud™s from the Always $0.00 Tree And Shrubbery Collection had wandered outside of their playpen. Instead of reporting the incident to the appropriate authorities, she grabbed a puff of cloud and, during the next congress meeting, used it as evidence for global warming being a giant shamwow. Bernie Sanders killed himself and allowed the #BlackLivesMatter movement to use his naked carcass as a protest sign, but when they touched his superior white skin their internalized AIDS kicked in and all the niggers died. As a result of this crime dropped by thirty percent even though niggers are only thirteen percent of the population because niggers are violent, disgusting creatures.

Twilight Sparkle, outraged by the blatant racism that is #BlackLivesMatter, created her own campaign: #PurpleOrMaybeVioletOrLavenderLivesMatter. Unfortunately, the whole thing devolved into an argument over whether or not purple and violet are distinct colors. Spike, being a purple (or maybe violet or lavender) creature, knew the answer already: no one gives a shit unless they are 40 years old and still a virgin. Twilight Sparkle heard this:

“Oh, Spike, your purple (or maybe violet or lavender)-based reasoning is so sexually stimulating! Let’s make theories together!

“Not a chance, Twilight, I only theorize with real women,” he replied, furiously fapping away to a picture of a genderbent Calilou as sweat rolled down his pubic pad, creating a sickening slapping sound each time his scaly hand hit the base of his filthy, smegma-covered carbon-based dick.

wagegapcausedgamergate

Suddenly, with an arbitrarily massive rumble, a thousand World Trade Centers sprung up from the ground, strengthening America by literally 174² × √3̅7̅X̅ = 12 times. Unfortunately for America, the towers were struck down violently by airplanes hijacked by followers of Islam(a religion of Peace) and then we made fun of feminists and AnComs too, allowing our neckbeards to reach critical mass. Critical mass, also known as Kritikal Mass in Germany, is the phenomenon of tons of shit making an even bigger pile of shit.

and then everyone died and became a single amalgamation zombie

5 stars favorite and subscribe please

What will happen to Zombie Killdozer®/everyone? Find out in Chapter 2: Episode 2, but never episode 3 fuck u Gaben you obese retard

Author's Note

"Portal 3 coming soon"
Love, Chuckward

Chapter 2: Episode 2: BIBLEMλNN²

yeah so it turns out waiting almost an entire year to bother caring for your amalgamation zombie is a bad way to keep it alive
so
it died
we are sorry (except for the troll who is known as Chuckward (previously Nunchucks), who did not participate in the construction of this chapter (so ‘we are’ is really ‘i am’))

– a message from your local retard squad

Meanwhile, in yet another storylineally-challenged universe…

Twilight Sparkle woke up with a sweaty gasp.

“Spike! I just had the most horriblest dream!”

Spike, infatuated with Twilight Sparkle as always, immediately (technically only hastily, not immediately; immediateness implies teleportation, which Spike is not yet capable of (wait, saying ‘yet’ is a spoiler; I apologize)) rushed to her sweaty gasped-seconds-ago-but-is-no-longer-gasping side.

“What’s wrong, m’lady?” said Sir Spike (knighted by Queen Elizabeth II herself), with a tip of his trilby (not a fedora, you uneducated fuck).

Twilight Sparkle’s pupils dilated as if she were a teenager who just smoked a dank and Holy™ joint.

“Spike? Where did you get that ridiculously euphoric hat? Where did that armor” (which he has and I forgot to mention it i apologize) “come from?”

“A wrinkly old meatbag named Elizabeth Alexandra Mary, born in London on the 21st of April in the 1926th year of our lord, who is the Head of the Commonwealth and the queen of several places which no one gives a shit about, mistook me for someone else because she is 90 years old and her eyes no longer function in a correct manner.”

“And what is the purpose of this knighthood, Sir Spike?” queried Twilight Sparkle with a bedpony bow or curtsie pie or whatever it is sexy female unicorns do.

Spike moved one leg backward, kneeled forward, and thrust an arm forward (kinda like that standard superhero flying pose, but on the ground).

“I am here to defend Equestria from the Mexicans!”

“What? Spike, you can’t say that! It’s racist! We love having Mexicolts here!” complained Twilight Sparkle.

“No, little purple pony. The truth is, when Mexico sends its persons here, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending cute purple unicorns or awesome cyan (not blue) flappy not-unicorns. They’re sending persons that have lots of problems and they’re fucking up our shit with those problems. They’re bringing illegal performance-enhancing crystals, they’re bringing disharmony, they’re breeding-forcers, and some, I assume, know how to meme.”

⁂ 8====D ⁂

Donald John Trump awakens with a dry gasp.

“Someone just plagiarized me.”

⁂ 8====D ⁂

Biblemann awakens with a gaspual gasp.

“My existence is being ignored! Winkletoes dammit!”

to
be

c

o

n

t

i

n

u

e

d

Author's Note

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also the doc is at https://docs.google.com/document/d/17ZAYQBTW_7H-BYy90IJI3jPYwizJFVMKVQMNoPdx5vg/edit?usp=sharing

Chapter 2: Episode 2: BIBLEMλNN²: Episode 1

Biblemann hopped out of the monstrous flesh heap that he'd become after fusing with the Killdozer and everyone. He was officially totally sick of being some big dumb cronenburg. Cronenburgs are gay lol man I'm just that television could have a positive impact on the internet to a pornstar of all the power rangers movie with all the communism in the world. I'm gonna be honest I went on autopilot for that one.

Biblemann turned to the flesh creature he’d just prayed his way out of, which was now legally one Biblemann smaller. If you want to get technical, it was now the size of Amalgamation Zombie - Biblemann = X or something I dunno. I'm sorry, Portalz0r usually does the math jokes. I didn't pay much attention in math.

“Well foul zombie killdozer amalgamation, it seems as though I've escaped your wily clutches.” yelled Biblemann.

“Oh shit, you did. Whoa dude.” replied Killdozer amalgamation zombie. Rather than wonder how Biblemann had done it[thumbs up emoji][:D emoji] Killdozer simply reached over, grabbed Biblemann, and absorbed him back into its heaping mass.

“What are you doing?” asked 1/12000th Of The Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie.

“I'm spamming Onision’s Facebook with ‘Cucky McFucky [more emojis]” replied Another 1/12000th Of The Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie.

“Will you guys shut up? I'm trying to escape again.” interjected Biblemann/12000th Of The Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie.

Biblemann/12000th Of The Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie crawled his way through the surrounding 12000ths Of The Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie, until finally he hit fresh air. With all of his God-given STRENGTH he pushed his way back out.

“Aw c’mon dude, I just reabsorbed you.” complained Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie.

Biblemann responded with a quick slice across the hide of Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie.

“AUUUUGH, 1/11999TH OF ME JUST DIED!!!!”

Biblemann grinned and slashed the beast 11,999 more times until it was totally dead.

“Well Godzooks, I guess it's about time I fuck off. Everyone is either safe or dead, so my work is done.” said Biblemann as he walked away.

“Things sure are quieter since I saved the city.” said Biblemann as he walked through the completely deserted town, scratching at himself due to his recently contracted syphilis. Everyone got it when they were amalgamated tbh.

Unfortunately for Biblemann, he had only really been slashing at the outermost parts of Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie, and little did he know, 4/6000ths of it survived.

“You haven't seen the last of 4/6000ths of me!” screamed The Remains Of The Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie as chunks of limbs hung from its remaining living mass. He hobbled his way into the street, and chased down Biblemann via scent because 1/4/6000ths of The Mostly Dead Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie was a bloodhound, while the other three were evil scientists.

“Biblemann I'm not finished with you yet!” it screamed.

to bee

continude? ;^)

Sure, why not?

Biblemann rushed The Remains Of The Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie, brandishing his Sword of The Holy Spirit, which he used to carve away at the moving husk.

Several chunks of The Remains Of The Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie fell to the ground, but The Remains Of The Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie merely laughed.

"Haha no dude, I'm like Cell from Dragon Ball Z without OP regen. You have to kill every part of me or don't even bother, fool."

Biblemann silently continued slashing away until all except for The Living 4/6000ths Of The Remains Of The Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie were the only thing he hadn't cut to ribbons.

"Eep." Said The Living 4/6000ths Of The Remains Of The Killdozer Amalgamation Zombie.

To be finished. ?

Author's Note

constructed by Chuckward, who is not racist

also, FIMFiction replaces emojis with question marks :[

also, Chuckward says to watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWIkLiiB9NI

Chapter 2: Episode 2: BIBLEMλNN²: Episode 2

Once upon a time, there was a magical ogre who farted mighty farts out of his great green ogre butthole. He also had a penis and three testicles. This is entirely inconsequential.

It was a peaceful day in Ponyville, as usual. Twilight Sparkle exited her treebrary with Spike on her back, smelled the fresh and plant-scented air, heard the happy birds tweeting, and let out a pleased sigh.

“Ah, what a great day. I smell fresh and plant-scented air, I hear the happy birds tweeting, and I can still let out pleased sighs. If only there were some way to make the day even better than this.”

Spike, still sitting on Twilight Sparkle’s back, provided no input to this open-ended query.

Twilight Sparkle sent input to her legs with the intention of causing them to move such that she would enter a stable walk cycle so that she may arrive at her desired destination in a safe yet fast and effective manner. Her legs acknowledged the input and initiated ambulation.

Twilight trotted forward, heading down the dirt road to an unnamed park. Spike, continuing to sit on her back, had nothing to say on this.

Mere minutes later, Twilight Sparkle, with Spike on her back, arrived at the aforementioned unnamed park. In this park were a few miscellaneous background ponies, frolicking among the flowers, grasses,and trees and generally doing whatever it is that ponies do when enjoying nature with no commitments requiring imminent fulfillment.

As Twilight Sparkle slowly walked forward, she sniffed, snorted, and huffed the natural smells of the natural particulates that filled the air. Boy, am I ever glad that I don’t have an allergy to pollen or any other natural particulates that commonly fill the air in this park, she thought.

As she made pony noises and thought pony thoughts, Spike spotted a background pony who is marginally more equal than other background ponies sitting weirdly on a bench. As Lyra played her lyre with a magical hologram of a sparkly golden hand utilizing a miniature shaped shield to allow it to interact with things, Spike gave a silent wave and a gentle smile. In response, she smiled back at him and used her unicorn powers to create a second hologram of a sparkly golden hand to wave back at him without interrupting the playing of her lyre. For efficiency, this second hand had no shield, as it did not need one. Approximately one second later, Lyra banished the second hand back to wherever it is magical unicorns conjure magical constructs from.

Shortly after this event occurred, Twilight Sparkle stopped walking. “Why?”, one might ask. “Why did she stop walking?”. Well, as it turns out, there was a background pony blocking the path she desired to trace. “Who?”, one might ask. “Who dared to block her path?”. Fortunately for Twilight Sparkle, it was none other than Vinyl Scratch, a sexy pony girl whose coat bears the color of the master race :moustache:.

Tune in next time to find out what these two horned equines do with their magic! ( ͡° .͜ʖ ͡°)

The magical ogre farted loudly. Biblemann, his roommate, said “Jesus H. Christ! Can’t you do that outside?”

“I could,” the ogre responded, “but where would be the fun in that?”

Biblemann just slowly shook his head sadly.

Just then, John Meme-uh (John Cena’s brother) appeared.

“Memes have reached a level of irony that greatly reduces their comedic value to the average faggot normie,” read John Meme-uh aloud from Stephen Hawking’s award-winning dissertation on epic memes.

Incidentally portalz0r, Regidar hates memes, what a fag.

“Weren’t we all supposed to be dead, decaying parts of a Zombie Killdozer?” asked Twilight to Biblemann.

“Nobody cares about that crap, except for-” Biblemann ripped his own face off, revealing bones and sinew underneath.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH,” said Biblemann as he clutched at his skinless face.

“Wow, what a noob,” said Twilight, before ripping her own face off to reveal GASP the KILLDOZER!

“Haha, I thought I was the Killdozer,” said Faceless Biblemann.

“I am a Killdozer.” said the Killdozer.

“Epic.” replied Biblemann.

Killdozer punched Biblemann in the face.

“Haha, you idiot. Shouldn’t a ripped ya face off. Without the ability to turn the other cheek Christians are powerless. Even Fred Phelps turned the other cheek by having gay sex in an airport.” laughed Killdozer at a rate of six laughs per syllable, meaning if I were to literally transcribe that it would read “Haha, youhahahahahaha idhahahahahahaihahahahahahaothahahahahaha. Shouldhahahahahahan’thahahahahaha ahahahahahaha rippedhahahahahaha yahahahahahaha facehahahahahaha offhahahahahaha. Withhahahahahahaouthahahahahaha thehahahahahaha abhahahahahahailhahahahahahaithahahahahahayhahahahahaha tohahahahahaha turnhahahahahaha thehahahahahaha othhahahahahahaerhahahahahaha cheekhahahahahaha Christhahahahahahaianshahahahahaha arehahahahahaha powhahahahahahaerhahahahahahalesshahahahahaha. Evhahahahahahaenhahahahahaha Fredhahahahahaha Phelpshahahahahaha turnedhahahahahaha thehahahahahaha othhahahahahahaerhahahahahaha cheekhahahahahaha byhahahahahaha havhahahahahahainghahahahahaha gayhahahahahaha sexhahahahahaha inhahahahahaha anhahahahahaha airhahahahahahaporthahahahahaha.”
“I’ve recently been taking an interest in North Korean cinema.” interrupted Twilight Sparkle.

“North Korea is a godless shithole,” replied Biblemann.

“North Korea has movies?” asked Killdozer.

“Yes. North Korea has bad things about it, but it's a genuinely pretty good state. Most of what you hear about them is pretty literally straight lies. It's pretty common to claim someone is executed by the state because someone in South Korea even vaguely hints at it, and then have that person show up. Also all the 'cold fusion' and 'made 30 holes in one' and stupid shit like that. They're anti-imperialist, they make an effort to keep the worker state alive, and they live pretty well. The number of people in work camps are pretty low, in the low tens of thousands (and that's a variety of severity) and is generally for rather egregious crimes. Don't believe propaganda my dudes, people in North Korea are fine, most people love the state (Because it provides them even and positive life), and if they were opened to international trade they'd probably a fantastic example of really successful Socialism (Like Cuba),” lectured Twilight from her big faggot soapbox.

Author's Note

~~Sadly, Chuckward did not contribute to the construction of this chapter. Perhaps he will make something later.~~ Chuckward has contributed! Praise Kek!

This chapter on Jewgle Docs: https://docs.google.com/document/d/198ljc1HRJySe2hkKMYrIG09NG1IVsBwmfnHUE_Sl7_U/edit?usp=sharing