"The Worst Story Ever Written"
"The Worst Story Ever Written"
"The Worst Story Ever Written"
Rainbow Dash sat squealing in her chair with delight after a couple of long hours finishing her junior novel. Leaping into the air and doing a summersault, Rainbow Dash let out a sigh of contentment. The wind flowing through her open windows sent a breeze of satisfaction into the room and allowed Rainbow Dash to relax comfortably.
"This is so awesome!" she cried. "This is literally the best story ever!"
Soaring around the room happily, Rainbow Dash hovered above her fiction and took it up in her hoofs. Darting out of the window of her house, Rainbow Dash zoomed towards The Ponyville library, hoping to get her story proofread there.
Bursting in through the library doors, Rainbow Dash looked for her friend, Twilight Sparkle.
"Twilight!" she called. "You home?"
A flurry of muffling came from the back room.
"In a minute!" a familiar voice replied--briefly interrupted by the sounds of falling pots and pans. "I'll be right there!"
Emerging from the back room with an enormous pot over her head, Twilight Sparkle shook it off and approached Rainbow Dash.
"Sorry, Rainbow." she smiled awkwardly. "Owlicous just got loose in the back room. What can I do for you?"
Rainbow Dash shrugged.
"Well, Twilight, I just finished my Junior Novel and I wanted to know if you'd like to proofread it?"
Twilights eyes sparkled at the mere sound of the word, 'proofread.' That was practically her middle name.
"Of course, Rainbow!" she replied, trying to sound professional. "But you'll need to leave it with me over night. Okay?"
Rainbow Dash grinned widely.
"Okay, awesome! Sounds good to me! Just let me know what you think of it when you're finished! Dash, out!"
Bolting out of the Library within the fraction of a second, Rainbow Dash left Twilight Sparkle alone with her new book.
"Hmm... Rainbow Dash's novel..." Twilight lifted her brow. "This should be interesting!"
Spike struggled to break free from the ropes and duck-tape that had been holding him captive for the past hour. He always knew that Twilight could be aggressive when reading a story, but he never imagined this aggressive.
"Ugh! Twilight!" he cried, freeing one of his arms. "Can you get me down from here already?"
But Twilight didn't respond. She was too deep into Rainbow Dash's novel to even notice him. Her eyes widened every now and then as she glided across the pages, reading every word and marking every error with a red marker. Problem was, she ended up marking every word on every page. There were so many errors that she often wondered what she was reading.
"Umm, Twilight?" Spike asked, still hanging upside down. "You don't look so well."
And he was right. Twilight didn't look very well. In fact, she looked terrible. Her eyes were wide like an abyss of sorrow, casuing tears to pour from them like a waterfall. Her saddened expression shown not of sorrow, however, but of of deep and terrible disgust instead. Daring not to hold the novel any longer, Twilight dropped it to the floor. Her lips began to tremble, causing her to topple over as she backed away from the book. From where she lay, the novel seemed to haunt her, begging that she read on. But Twilight would do none of it. She would never be caught dead reading that book again.
"Aw, Twilight! What's wrong?" Spike asked from his awkward position. "Is it because Owlicous ran away that you're so sad?"
But Twilight didn't respond. She couldn't find any words to say. The only words she could mutter were those of gibberish and nonsense.
"T-the b-book..." she said. "S-stay... stay away from the book!"
Hours later, Spike put down Rainbow Dash's novel and stared blankly at the wall. For a moment, he looked zombified by the expression that he had earned from reading the book. It was nearly midnight, and the two hadn't been able to get any sleep.
"You're right..." Spike shuddered, his words lingering in the air. "That is the worst story I've ever read!"
Twilight slowly nodded in agreement.
"Then you agree with me that something has to be done?" she lifted her brow, looking at the dragon.
Spike nodded likewise.
"I don't know what we can do though, Twilight. This book is so bad, that I fear it can't be fixed!"
Twilight put her hoof to her chin for a moment then sucked back her tears and allowed a devious smile to cross her face.
"Who says we need to fix it?" she chuckled menacingly. "After all, accidents do happen... am I right, Spike?"
The dragon narrowed his eyes and let a similar smile cross his face.
"Why, my dear, you're right! Maybe we shouldn't put that paper so close to the fire... Don't you think, Twilight?"
The two stared at each other for a moment, then began to laugh villainously with one another.
"We'll be doing her a favor, won't we?" Spike rubbed his claws together.
Twilight nodded intensely.
"Not just a favor..." she breathed. "A blessing!"
Rainbow Dash arrived early the next morning to pick up her novel and ask her friends what they thought. She only wanted a firsthoof opinion on it, and who better to ask than her friends? Entering the library with a swift quick to the front door, Rainbow Dash raised her hoofs into the air and smiled.
"I'm back!" she cried. "So where's my novel, Egghead?"
At the end of the room, Twilight sat stacking a table with books. Rainbow Dash bolted to the her side and put her elbow on the same table.
"Oh, h-hi, Rainbow d-Dash!" Twilight smiled, pretending not to have noticed her earlier. "What can I do for you today?"
Rainbow Dash grinned widely.
"Well, how about we start off with my novel? How's it coming along? Did you finish?"
Twilight shuttered upon hearing the question, but quickly recovered herself for Rainbow's viewing.
"What novel?" she asked promptly, turning away from Rainbow Dash. "I've been doing work all morning."
Rainbow Dash lifted her brow skeptically.
"Um, are you okay, Twilight?" she asked with a pause.
Twilight nodded, being quick to hide her face in a book so Rainbow Dash couldn't see the sweat that was running down her face.
"Of course! I've never been--"
Suddenly the doors to the back room burst open. A small purple and green dragon entered the room. It was Spike.
"Oh, hey Rainbow! What's up?" he asked while bringing a pile of books into the room. "Have you talked to Twilight yet?"
Rainbow Dash nodded slowly.
"Yeah... I have. Say, Spike, is there something wrong with Twilight?"
The small purple dragon let out a sigh and clicked his tongue against his cheek.
"Ah, yes, Rainbow, a sad story that one is..." he explained slowly with the accent of a nobleman. "Mrs. Sparkle stayed up much too late last night, and I speculate that she has accidentally cast a spell over herself. This may have caused her to forget the past twenty-four hours of her life. And that's a real pity, too. She accidentally knocked a pile of manuscripts that she had been reading into the fire place and burned them all up. Now she can't remember if it was anything important."
The blood drained from Rainbow Dash's face. She bolted over to Spike and picked him up with her hoofs.
"She burned some manuscripts?! W-w-were any of them a story? Perhaps, a s-story about an awesome pegasus what becomes a W-wonder Bolt?"
Spike pretended to look surprised.
"Yeah! How'd you know?"
Rainbow Dash looked away for a moment as if she was about to cry. But then, suddenly, she surprised everypony by leaping into the air and shouting; "YES!"
Spike scratched his head and glanced over at Twilight whom only shrugged.
"That's a good thing?"
Rainbow Dash nodded.
"Of course it is! Say, Spike, where's the fireplace?"
Spike pointed to a fireplace across the room.
"Over there." he said bluntly.
Rainbow Dash bolted over to it and began digging in the ashes of wood and paper.
"Where is it?" she muttered to herself. "Ah! Here it is!"
To the surprise of both Spike and Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash revealed the novel they had 'accidentally' thrown into the fire.
"B-but h-how is that possible!?" Twilight blurted, unaware that she could have just blown her cover.
Rainbow Dash only waved her hoof.
"Aw, that's easy!" she said. "Neil-paper! It's fireproof. Duh!"
Clearing off some ash from the novel, Rainbow opened it up to inspect the papers.
"Hmm, there is a lot of red marker in here..." she noted. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter. Thanks for the help, guys! I've got to go see a publisher about my book now. Thanks again!"
But before Rainbow Dash could leave, both Twilight and Spike leaped in front of her and cried in unison; "No!"
"You can't leave! Not yet!" Twilight continued, sounding quite desperate.
Rainbow Dash lifted her brow.
"And why not?" she asked, putting her hoofs to her side.
Spike shared a glance with Twilight then shrugged.
"Well, because, Rainbow..." Twilight began. "because we've... um..."
"...Because we've got to celebrate your hard work on finishing the novel!"
Spike interrupted quickly, earning a sigh from Twilight and a silent, 'thank you.'
"Yeah, that's it! We have to celebrate! Why don't you put that book over there on the sofa where it can't be ruined and join us for a little victory party? It won't catch on fire there! I promise!"
Rainbow Dash put her hoof to her chin then shrugged smugly.
"Sure, I guess so." she smiled. " A little victory party never hurt anypony. Say, what do you have to eat around this joint?"
Giving a wink towards Twilight, Spike announced that he would be back with a cup of tea. After Rainbow Dash had settled in nicely, Spike entered the room with a tray of hot coffee--not tea--and made his way to Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash who were sitting on the sofa.
"Your tea, madams!" he said, bowing.
Then, all of a sudden, Spike pretended to trip on the carpet (but he wasn't very good at it) and spilled the coffee all over Rainbow Dash's novel.
"Oops!" he cried. "I'm so sorry, Rainbow Dash!"
The speed devil only stared mouth-wide at her novel as the coffee began to stain her work.
"Oh, that's a shame." Twilight falsely sympathized. "We had better get that all cleaned up!"
Using her magic to carry the stained novel, Twilight took it over to her clothing washer and threw it inside. Dunking it a couple of times into the soapy laundry machine, Twilight took it out and dried it with a towel.
"Here you go, Rainbow!" she said happily, returning to the sofa. "Your book is all clean now!"
But Rainbow didn't say a word. Instead, she snatched the novel from Twilights magic that had been keeping it hovering in the air and began to viciously scroll through its pages. After doing so for a minute or two, Rainbow let out a sigh of relief.
"Oh, good! It's all still here! None of the ink is smothered!" Rainbow Dash smiled. "And, hey! Will you look at that? The red marker came off!"
Twilight excused herself from the room for a moment then facehoofed and banged her head against the wall a couple of times. Returning shortly afterwards, she found Spike staring at her with angry eyes as Rainbow Dash began explaining how she also used waterproof ink.
"You know, I only use it for emergencies!" she finished. "Just in case it gets a little windy one day and blows my work into a pond! Wouldn't want that to happen, right?"
Spike rolled his eyes.
"Yeah." he muttered. "Wouldn't want that to happen."
For the first time detecting both Spike and Twilights unusual behavior, Rainbow Dash scratch her chin. Narrowing her eyes when Twilight entered the room, Rainbow Dash stood up from the sofa with a frown.
"Well, is that how it is?" she snorted. "Fine. I see what's going on here. You don't want me to publish this book, do you?"
Spike shared a glance with Twilight.
"W-why do you say that?" Twilight chuckled nervously, pretending like she didn't know what Rainbow was talking about.
"Because I'm not an idiot!" Rainbow Dash raised her voice. "And I see the pattern now! Forgetful Twilight, burning book, spilled coffee, wet washer, it's all connected! Isn't that right, Twilight?"
Both Twilight and Spike bowed their heads in shame.
"Yes, Rainbow..." they said in unison. "We just thought we'd be doing you a favor. We didn't mean to lie to you!"
Rainbow Dash lifted her brow.
"A favor, and why is that?"
Spike nudged Twilight forward and began an awkward smile.
"Tell her!" Spike whispered, smiling awkwardly.
Twilight walked forward and looked Rainbow in the eyes.
"Well, Twilight?" Rainbow Dash said, crossing her arms.
Twilight glanced over at Spike then took a deep breath.
"Because, Rainbow, your story is possibly the worst thing I've ever read." she said, bowing her head in shame. "I'm sorry, I should have just told you what I thought in the first place, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings."
Rainbow Dash allowed a smile to cross her face then she burst out laughing.
"Oh, oh! That's what this's all about?" she began to roll on the floor laughing. "The story is that bad?"
Twilight looked over to Spike who only shrugged in as much confusion as she.
"Um, Rainbow, are you okay?" Spike walked over to Rainbow Dash and helped her up. "You're taking this incredibly well..."
Rainbow Dash wiped a tear from her eye then nodded.
"Of course I am!" she chuckled. "The story was supposed to be terrible!"
Both Twilight Sparkle and Spike jumped upon hearing those words.
"IT WAS!?" they both cried.
Rainbow Dash nodded.
"Of course it was! It's a comedy!" she explained.
Twilight snatched the book from Rainbow Dash's hoofs then began reading it again.
"But there's nothing funny in here..." she said after a moment. "Just lots of misspelling and tragedy."
Rainbow Dash nodded again.
"Exactly! The story is so bad, that it's supposed to make people laugh! I thought it was genius! Pinkie Pie gave me the idea! Obviously it needs a little more work, but it'll be awesome in the end!"
Both Spike and Twilight shared an expression.
"Pinkie Pie?" Spike wondered aloud.
"Yep!" Rainbow answered. "So, no problem! I'll just have to fix a few things in it before sending it off to the publishers. You guys really helped! Thanks!"
Then, bolting out of the window, Rainbow Dash was gone. Twilight and Spike walked over to the fireplace and stared inside it at the ashes.
"Did you understand anything that just happened?" Twilight asked blankly.
Spike only shook his head and muttered.
"Nothing. At. All." he answered.
Author's Note
Well, there you have it! The worst story ever written! I'm just glad I could get this out there. Let me know what you think in the comments below. Thanks!
