Chapters Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Chapter 1: Mommy Loves you!
"The 1st ship will be...Spikelestia! Oh-my! the 1st chapter starring Spike falling in love with his mother! starting it off with Semi-incest? well, not exactly, since he's adopted, but anyway, let's get this show on the road, scene transition now you pathetic filthy dog!"
"I resent that remark!" said Rover the Diamond Dog.
Spike moved back to Canterlot so he can find a wife after that mishap with Rarity falling in love with this stallion and Pinkie Pie bringing Electric Eels to Dinky Doo's Sweet 16! So yeah, he broke a-lot of hearts after leaving, but he can't live in a town that broke his heart many times before! So now he wakes up, on an Ultra luxurious bed, in an Ultra luxurious room! This room had it's own luxurious bathroom, the curtains & carpet matched, which were velvet red, man Celestia, did you spoil Luna this much when she came back?! Well, as I was saying..wait, what was I saying? I lost my train of thought after something about spoiling, but...Oh yeah, the Pokemon Bank is finally available for US 3DS's, no...Uhh
"Narrator, you were talking about Spike waking up from bed!" Pinkie said.
Oh yeah, thanks Pinkie, well anyway, Spike was up and introduced to a big breakfast in bed, the disturbing part of this was that the pancakes were in a rather inappropriate shape, okay I'll tell you what they looked like, they were all shaped like flanks. Spike thought his mom was just trolling him like she does to everypony else. But something seemed different about today, after breakfast he checked the calender and realized it was his 18th birthday today! Yeah, he and the guards spent so much time wife hunting and it caused him to completely forget his own B-day! So Spike got into the shower to hopefully enjoy a great birthday party with his friends and Rarity. Lol, I didn't include Rarity in his friends. hold-on, what's going on? Why did the scene turn into some screen like view? Okay, we're zooming out and...Oh, looks like our all powerful ruler is going Molestia on us for this chapter & is spying on the star of this story with a hidden ca...Oh Celestia, she made us look at his twin towers! *Face Palm!*
"Tee-Hee, happy birthday my darling son!" She says as the Deboss theme song slowly begins to play in the background. "I hope you enjoyed my asscakes, pancakes I rubbed my ass on!"
"Sister, so what you are saying, is that you want your Spike to eat your ass?" A guard asked, concerned that she has become a maniac.
"Yes, don't you dare question my methods, now that he's tasted me, I shall now be destined to be his wife!'
"(I'm now scared of you my glorious ruler!)"
HEY MOLESTIA, THIS IS THE NARRATOR TELLING YOU TO STOP BEING A MOLESTER! YOU STUPID BITCH!!! Hahahahaha, she can't hear me dishonor her. So anyway, Spike gets out of the shower and gets dressed, because his closet has all the latest & hottest clothing, Oh, and no I didn't order 20 pizzas! I sware, it's those kids in class getting back at me for giving them an F--! Let's just continue the story before my rage blows-up again! Anyway, the party happened, the mane 6 once again failed to convince Spike to return home & left with shattered hearts! He feels sorry for doing this whenever they visit, but he doesn't want to die alone! Even though dragons have 100,000's of years, of life, he wont wait for that special somepony! He entered his room to find a huge present!
"Huh? What's this?" He noticed the note and read it!
Happy Birthday, Spike! Mommy loves you very much!
"Aw, Momlestia, you didn't need to!"
He then opened the present, and inside contained a naked princess!
"Ah, what the?"
He had no idea what was going on!
"Hello Spike, come-on, let's go to bed, to make this the best birthday you'll ever have." She then grabbed his left wrist & pulled him over to his bed!
"Mom, your kidding right? This is all just you trying to troll me right? I know how you love to troll people, Trollestia!"
"Oh, Trollestia, isn't here son, the Lestia here, is Molestia!"
"Ah, s-s-so, it's not a rumor, you actually do molest people?" He said in fear
"Yes, but I've decided to finally settle down, and the one I plan to settle down with...is you!"
Then the scene swiftly goes black, as the cries of Spike echo through the wind!
"...My my, that was a...interesting start, next letter please!"
"Yes, your majesty!"
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Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Chapter 3: She is Photo Finished with being Single!
"Holy Sunbutt's shit, T-the 3rd Orange Ranger is going to be the 6th Ranger in Ressha Sentai Tokkyuger! Aw-man, Saban is skipping Go-Busters to do Power Rangers Dino Charge! Well, looks like we wont be seeing the heroes and their robot friends in america, but the better make Torin the mentor! Well, enough of that, the author has now capture all 718 Pokemon and their alternate forms, such as all 4 seasons of Deerling and Sawsbuck, now without further ado, the next one to be shipped with Spike is...Photo Finish!"
"Hey, what are thou doing imposter!?" Said Luna, who had a messed-up mane and frizzy fur!
"Get to the story Mr.Cameraman, I'll deal with this unwanted intruder!'
Photo finish, or others would put it, Pony Lady Gaga, had just made it back home after a tiring night. She went to her phone to see if any of her friends would like to hang out. The only one available was Spike and she knew that Spike was in Canterlot right now, getting Canterlot's 1st Official Fighting Tournament ready in a week! She dialed the phone...somehow with her hooves (Sometimes Cartoon Logic annoys me!) and called Spike.
"Yes, who's there?"
"Ah, hello mine friend, I was vondering if you'd like to unt come-over to my home to watch a movie with me, I've just finished my work for the day."
"Alright, I'm all done for a while on my end as well, I'll be there in 30 minutes. Bye!"
"Ciao!"
Then Spike put the phone somewhere, what's with the damn cartoon pockets? (See? I told you Cartoon Logic sometimes annoys me!)
It was now 30 minutes later and Photo Finish was starting to get a little mad.
"No, he said he'd be here in virty minutes, and now it is 40 seconds past! Once again, all men are lia..." Then the doorbell rang. 'Oh, he's here!"
Photo Finish then went to get the door!
"Dah, hello Spike, mine friend."
"Hey Photo Finish, come-on, let's go watch that movie!"
So, they decided to watch The Great Gatsby! After the movie ended, Photo Finish didn't want Spike to leave just yet!
"So Spike, vhat is this I heard about protesters against the fighting tournament?"
"Well, parents and guardians don't want their kids and teens to watch such violence, but come-on, parents don't realize artful entertainment when they see it! Just like how in My Little Human, parents complained about Derpy Hands."
"I understand, sometimes, I get criticized by parents about my choices for teen superstars."
"It's great you understand my annoyance Photo Finish."
"So, vould you like to take a photo with me?"
"Photo, your always asking me to take a phot with you."
"Yes, I unt, know please just do-it!"
"Okay."
So, Spike picked up the camera, held it infront of them, Photo put her head on Spike's arm, Spike blushed a little, because the only time a girl is this close to him, is when they hug him! Photo was so happy, she had atleast one available friend, and as soon as Spike pushed the button, Photo Finish gave him an award! and the resulting picture was Photo Finish kissing Spike on the cheek and his blush getting redder!
"Well, guess it's time for you to go! Ciao!"
"Wait, wait, wait, I don't wanna go now!"
"Sorry Spike, but you are too young, maybe later in a few years!"
Then, he was out the door!
"Don't worry Photo Finish, I will prove to you that I am not to young for you! Even if it takes until you are 40 and I think you'll still have graceful looks!"
Photo Finish said nothing, she just sat against the recieving end of the door blushing and smiling.
hello, this is Shogun deezutra, the Changeling still hasn't been caught, so I suggest you go to the next chapter now & also, Next letter please!"
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
"Well, I've recieved a letter from the author that this is the one of those rare times he'll ship Spike with an OC. Now, let's see the OC who exactly he's talking about. Hmm, the next story will be starring the Milk Mare of Trottingham, Milky Way!"
"No! I refuse to!"
"Sorry Milky Way, but you have to deliver milk to him!" Said her boss
"But Bombastic is the worst of our clients, whenever someone, like the paper colt, delivers the newspaper, he gets so excited that his magic literally sends you flying in an explosive burst of his over the top happiness!" Milky Way complained.
"I know, but he gives huge tips, sorry Miky, but you gotta do it!"
"*Sigh!* Yes boss!"
"Don't worry, after this, you can go on a vacation to wherever you end-up at!" he said, as Milky Way walked towards danger.
Later...
"OH THANK YOU FOR THE MILK, MILKY WAY, I'M JUST SO EXCITED THAT I MIGHT...JUST...EXPLOOOOOOOOOOODE!"
Milky Way was sent flying through the sky, with soot in her face and a tattered uniform.
"At least I can now go on vaca...." She was cutoff from the impact! She hit the Ponyville clock tower! Then she fell to the ground somehow surviving!
minutes later...
"Is she going to be okay?" said one voice.
"Yes don't worry she will, luckily, this young man was able to rescue her. Otherwise, she'd have lost all the blood from her head!" said another.
"I almost died!?" Milky Way screamed as she woke-up in astonishment, only to be introduced to a handsome reptilian face.
"Oh, thank goodness your okay!" he said
Blood then spewed from her nostrils.
"Miss, please calm down, if you lose anymore blood, you'll die, would you please get him outta here?" Ordered Dr. Caramel.
"(Oh my, that dragon was so handsome, hold-on, when that Doctor over there said young man, did he mean him?)" She then thought of what it looked like, which made blood gush from her head.
"Ah, Nurse, get me an extra I.V.!"
"On it!"
Later, in like a week, she was able to leave the hospital!
"(Alright, now, time for me to reward my hero!)"
She went around Ponyville, asking citizens if they knew where the dragon lived, she had a hard time because, there not Spike living here, the ponies thought she ment Shogun Deezutra's Salamence, but she was soon able to tell the difference and locate Spike at the Golden Oaks Library.
*Knock!* *Knock!*
"It's open!" Said Twilight Sparkle.
She went inside, to see that Twilight was in the middle of something insane. She was trying to theorize why flowerpots fall from out of nowhere and hit her on the head.
"Um..."
"Oh, you are that mare Spike rescued, I figure you're here to give him an award?"
"Yes, where is he?"
"Upstairs, probably watching the new episode of Kamen Rider Gaim."
"Thanks, and good luck with...yeah thanks!"
So, she went upstairs to Twilight & Spike's room. There he was, eating a piece of leftover birthday cake from Twilight's party last week, oh yeah, would the owner of a Black Kia get the car out of the sidewalk, you parked in a no parking zone (Damn idiots!).
"Hello." She said
"Hmm? Oh, your the mare I saved from bleeding out, I see that your okay."
"(Calm down Milky, pay no attention to his beauty and talk to him.) I came here to reward you for helping me."
"Aw, you don't need to do that."
"I insist! Please?" then she put on the pleading face.
"Fine, but make it quick, Twilight might need me to kick the lab rat's bucket any minute now!" He then pointed to a rat saying"My bucket, and no one else's!"
So, Milky Way sat up on Twilight's bed and spread her back legs. Spike's eyes cartoonishly popped out as soon as he saw them!
"Whoa, th-those are some pretty big crotch boobs!"
"I know, I want you to s-s-suck on them!"
Yes, his brain was having a party up there. So Spike agreed to this reward, and sucked on her nipples, as she kissed his forehead multiple times.
"You know what?" Spike asked
"What?"
"Your now my favorite flavor of milk! Sorry Soy milk, but now I love Milky Way's milk!" Then he went back to sucking but was then interupted as Milky Way pulled him into a kiss!"
"Huh, well, there you have it, Spike and an OC! This OC, doesn't belong to the writer, but he does congratulate the creator of the OC."
Author's Note
I'm strictly Canon x Canon! So feel happy if I ever do a Canon x OC shipping.
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Chapter 5: Fluttershy's Perverted Darkside
Next up is...Fluttershy/Flutterbat! Begin the scene transition!"
"You kids get off my lawn!'
"Wrong scene, now, if you get it wrong, you fired, got it?"
"Yes, Princess of the night!"
"Ugh..." Spike groaned.
"2 hospital scenes in a row?" Pinkie said, breaking the 4th wall!
"Now Spike, don't worry, Fluttershy has offered to stay behind, as we all go on our ski trip! So you wont be alone all week!"
"Twilight, don't leave, Fluttershy is gonna..." he was then shutted up with a hoof to mouth.
"Spike, it's all in your head, you know Fluttershy would never try to take advantage of your pain to do unspeakbly perverted things to you! Alright, love you! See yah when we get back!"
As soon as they all left, The room went dark, then the lights went back on revealing Fluttershy in the room!
"Oh my Spike, you don't realize how happy I am that you broke both of your legs and wont be able to walk until next Thursday! It gives me so much time to do so many lustful things to you!"
Is it me, or does this feel like a Fluttershy is in Lust with Spike reboot? Well, Spike layed there helpless, he couldn't breath fire because their friends would think he went mad and kick him out of Ponyville for hurting the most fragile of the bunch. Fluttershy then breathed into the poor dragon's earfin.
"You may think I'm perverted now, but watch how perverted I am during the night, when i transform into a Vampire Pony!"
"Heh, yeah just try, the doctors and nurses got a much stronger security system since the incident with Rainbow Dash discovering how great reading is! Also, visiting hours are now over!"
"Tee-hee, I'll see you later tonight sweetie! This will be the night I take that virginity away from you boy!"
How come I keep on making Fluttershy such a mean character whenever i ship her with Spike! I mean, there's the story Fluttershy is in Lust With Spike and that one Chapter in Barb's 9 Coltfriends, and now, this chapter, dang! Later that night, after tucking all of her animals into bed, Fluttershy transformed into Flutterbat and flew threw the night sky under Luna's moonlight with a dark fearful hiss, which caused the CMC to run back home becuase they were trying to be CMC intruders and almost succesfully broke into Bon-bon's home. Spike was sleeping, he was sure the doctors would be able to stop her and prove to his friends that it wasn't his imagination. then he heard struggles goin on outside along with a painfully loud screech! after a while, it stopped. the door opened, and it revealed a doctor, Spike thought he was safe, but then the doctor fell to the ground to show shards of glass stabbed into his back and then Flutterbat walked in! Spike's pupils then shrunk. Flutterbat then used her stare, so Spike couldn't breath fire as a last resort!
"You're now all mine Spike!"
"Yes mistress!" Spike agreed in his hypnotized state!
Then, throughout the rest of the night, was whole bunch of Flutterrape!
"You kids get off my lawn!"
"Idiot, again you put in the wrong scene transition! looks like somepony is now fired! Guards, take the idiot away!'
"No, please Luna, nooooo I need this job!"
"Deezutra, get us a replacement and the next letter!'
"Riolu, get the next letter!" Said Shogun Deezutra.
"Okay dad!"
"I'm not your father."
"Okay dad!"
" *Sigh.* "
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Chapter 6: Fleeting Feelings!
"This chapter will be starring......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................" As she got the audience waiting in anticipation, she was shaking like an angry person getting ready to yell as loud as a Bull horn.
"Um princess? Hello? Princess Luna?" Deezutra then snapped his fingers. "Well Riolu, I think she's de..." He was then cut off.
"FLEET WATT! I mean Fleetfoot! Darn, I botched that up!"
"It's alright Luna, we all still love you!"
"That's good to hear."
"Everyone knew who the Wonderbolts are, but many of their fans had a hard tme trying to remember who Fleetfoot was, for some reason, she was easily forgotten by the minor fans, even though she's one of the regular members of Spitfire's squad."
"Button...who are you talking to?"
Then we pan over to show Button Mash, sitting in a corner.
"Uh...my imaginary friend Bloo?"
"Well, you're going to have to say bye to him becuase you are not allowed to talk to anyone, even your imaginary friend when you're being punished! Throwing a battery at the Living Room T.V. to make it become a 3D T.V., you can't be this irritable!"
Meanwhile...
*Sigh!*
"What's wrong Fleetfoot? You've never been this down before." Asked Soarin.
"Not alot of ponies recognize me! You, Spitfire and Surprise are more Iconic than me."
"Aw, don't worry about that! Say, I'm headed to Ponyville to hang out with my girlfriend Rainbow Dash, maybe you'd like to come along and try small in order for more ponies to recognize you."
"That sound like a good idea, maybe your not the pie eating dork I thought you were when we 1st met."
Later...
At the Ponyville trainstation, Rainbow Dash pestered her friends into waiting for Soarin.
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" Rainbow was going wild.
"Wow, Rainbow, it's interesting how you've been able to keep this long distance working relationship for 1 year now!" Complimented Twilight.
"Yeah, and today I will get my 100th date kiss!" Rainbow then made that strange face when she met A.K. Yearling for the 1st time in Daring Don't.
The train finally arrived.
"There he is! No there! No there!"
"Even though this is cute, Rainbow Dash is still annoying when she gets like this!" Said Applejack
And the rest agreed. finally, Soarin got off followed by Fleetfoot.
"Rainbow!"
"Soarin!" Rainbow Dash then pulled a pie out of Pinkie's mane. Then they flew over to eachother.
"Pinkie, why was there a...No, not going to question it." Said Twilight.
Finally, the couple collided and then madeout while making a mess as they ate pie at the same time! Imagine what that would look like! Fleet Way stood next to Spike as they all watched the couple because even though it looked gross, they couldn't look away, but then they did after they finished.
"Dang Fleetfoot, how'd you become friends with this kind of guy?" Spike asked.
"Haha, well kid...wait, did you just call me Fleetfoot?"
"Of course, that is your name right?"
She just stood there, she knew this one was a minor fan becuase major ones send fan mail and such with their name, adress and picture on them. Every major fan of the Wonderbolts do this. He knew he name, but then remembered that he was friends with Rainbow Dash who's a major.
"Hello? Are you okay Fleetfoot?"
"Minor fans are always forgetting my name!"
"Really? That's..."
"So, how'd you know my name was Fleetfoot? I figure it was becuase of Rainbow dash or Princess Twilight."
"No, you happen to be my favorite Wonderbolt."
Shock went through her body, only one has been sending fanmail saying he's Fleetfoot's fan and even though the name and adress were on the letter, she never got a picture, but now it looks like she now has a face to the name. This fan is actually very special, she never had a dragon fan before! She looked away as she blushed.
"Hey Fleetfoot, are you okay? You're starting to turn crimson."
"I'm fine! Hey, would you like to hang with me for the day?"
"Would I? Twilight?"
"Yes."
"Thanks mom!" then Spike hopped on Fleetfoot's back and flew away somewhere in Ponyville.
Soon after, they landed.
"Alright, hey, why are we in a dark alley?"
He turned around, and noticed her eyes were sparkling.
"Whoa, what's with that look on your face?"
"You recognized me." Then Spike got jumped, but not the beat-up kind, the kissy kissy, kind.
Spike found himself covered in silver colored lipstick.
"I love you!"
They then exited the dark alley and heading for the gazeebo, to watch the zunset.
"Was that a typo on sunset? No matter, next letter!"
Author's Note
Once, my cousin threw a battery at his living room T.V. to make it 3D and got grounded for it! I laughed at him even though he was a little kid and I was I think in Middle School at the time!
I got the 100th date kiss thing from the ICarly and Victorious Crossover: I Party with Victorious.
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Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Chapter Siete: It's The Mooooo Uh Oooooo No You Can't Come!
"Now that certainly is strange, next is Daisy joe!"
"Moooo, thanks for doing this Spike! I've been overloading don't you know?" said Daisy Joe
"Yeah, well, someone's gotta do this. (Poor Big Mac, going insane and milking these ladies for sexual pleasure, then eventually being busted by the cops and is now facing years of rehab. I guess you don't take Smarty Pants or Cheerilee away from him, ever!)"
Yes, Big Mac was forced to give back Smarty Pants and forced to admit defeat and let Lucky Clover marry Ms.Cheerilee, and the loss of his 2 true loves changed Big Mac into a pervert, molesting the farm animals during chores. Like he felt up the sheep when he sheered them! He fondled the cows' udders, he even sometimes milked them by mouth. I don't even want to tell you what he did to the pigs during his crazy induced perverted rampage! Okay I'll tell you, he introduced them to something horrible and monsterous! He introduced them to the worst thing ever! He introduced them to...Myspace! DUN, DUN, DUNNNNN! That monster! So yeah, with Big Mac in rehab and Princess Twilight Going on an around the world tour as one of Rarity's fashion models, Spike decided to takeover Big Mac's chores.
"(Oh, he has a much better touch than Big Mac! That feels so good!)" Daisy thought. She had to contain her moans but not her moos, so Spike doesn't suspect anyth... How come yo mama is in a cow costume over there on the left? Moving on from that st...Oh God, your dad just walked in dressed as a farmer & now they're role playing! I'm looking away I'm just gonna ignore your parents right now even though your mom is actually hotter than Button's Mom.
"ah, Spike!" she then covered her mouth.
"Pardon, did you say something?" He said with curious suspiscion.
"No, I was just sorta itchy on my face don't yah know. (Please believe my fib)"
Spike looked at her and she looked back with a fake smile. Ha, guess he figured you out Daisy Joe. Spike then tried something to see if the theory in his head was true. He put his face an inch away from her's then kissed her. The cow was surprised at 1st, but accepted and then Spike rubbed his palms across Daisy Joe's coat, creating a mixture of moos & moans, proving he was right.
"So, you actually do like this do yah."
"Just yours hun. It's so gentle."
"Well, A.J. is taking her family out to dinner. I'll be back to give you more of my touch but in naughty places."
"Oh you scoundrel." She teased.
So they spent night not knowing which of the white splatters on the walls & floors were milk or sperm.
"...I apologize if you wont be drinking milk in a while, Next letter please."
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Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Ch.VIII: Are You Suri That This Ship Will Work?
"Ooh goody, Spike shall be shipped with Rarity's rival in fashion. Suri Polomare."
"Mr. Narrator, do yuo intend to ship Spike with every female villain of G4?" Pinkie wondered.
"Who are you talking to Pinks?" Raibow asked, concerned her friend is becoming Pinkamena AGAIN!
Also, shut-up Pinkie, your in the middle of spying. Yes, the girls were hired by Rarity to keep a close eye on Suri Polomare. She claims to have turned a new leaf. She claims to promise to never steal Rarity's ideas again. She claims that she isnt dating Spike to get info outta him and give her the key that Rarity herself entrusted to him while she's away on her anniversary with ironicly, a stallion named Spikey Back & what's more ironic, he looked like the pony version of Spike in every detail. That doesn't matter now, what's importante, is that Spike fell in love with Suri, a week after Rarity & Spikey Back's wedding in Manehattan. Suri at 1st thought herself was important, but then began feeling regret that she hasn't given her parents grandchildren. Yeah, Spike offored his love, Suri was torn between 2 things after this: would she use Spike to steal all of Rarity's ideas, or give this guy all of your love & he'll become the greatest being in all of Equestria to you. Ofcourse she went with the romantic choice! Are you stupid crazy or crazy stupid? You might be if you went with the devious choice. So Spike introduced the gang too his mare friend, Suri, but they didn't really trust her, because of that incident in the episode : "Rarity Takes Manehattan ". Regardless, they trust Spike. Especially Twilight, because Spike has become very grownup throughout the years, he didn't even shed a molecule sized tear when Rarity announced she was going out with Spikey Back. Now, lets get back to present day where Spike & Suri where at thier favorite resteraunt. Eyes locked into each other (Cheesy), heads tilted & smiles curled fully (Corny), Spike's claw holding Suri's hoof from across the table (Seriously, remember everytime you've seen that! Whether it be IRL or in media.). Their focus was eventually broken when the waiter brouggt their food. Then, they ate in semi silence, because they would giggle at eachothe every once in a while, when they looke up from their meals and try to sneak a peek at one another.
"Oh, Suri, you got some crumbs on yor face, hold on, I'll get it."
"Please do." She then presented her face to Spike, he wiped the crumbs off with his own hanky, while he caressed Suri's chin and cheek with his free claw. The whole resteraunt thought this was cute & so did Pinkie, Rainbow Dash and Shogun Deezutra, the ones who are in charge of spying on Suri today. Ow!, who did that?
"Sorry boss, I skipped lunch today, I'm a little destracted by all the ponies eatung food." Explained the guy holding the boom mic.
Don't skip lunch ever again. Okay? Okay. So the couple finished thier meals & had a little chat before the bill arrived.
"Suri Polomare, we've been dating for 2 years, 9 weeks, 10 days, 4 hours, 7 minutes, and 33 seconds in counting."
"Whoa, did you make that up or is it really that long?" She was impressed.
"It has been that long, yeah, grow being raised by a book worm, and you automatically skip 7 grades. heh heh. But anyway, There is something important I must ask you."
"What would that be? (Is he proposing?)"
Spike got upfrom his seat, got down on 1 knee while avoiding to drop that dun dun dun hey, don't drop that dun dun dun...oops, I got distracted. He then held her hoof, then presented h Suri a small box.
"Wi..." Spike was cutoff, she didn't need to say anything, she just answered him with a kiss.
"Well, the guy complaining about disturbing chapters should stop now. Bring the next letter."
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Ch. Nine: A New Obsession.
*Smooth jazz plays in the background*
"Huh, the selection here must be certainly special. The next chapter is *gasp* A Sparity story! BEGIN." (P.S. she fangasmed)
Rarity has gotten rid of her shrine to Trenderhoof. Even sold the lock of hair online auction. Some fan must be more obsessed with Trenderhoof than Rarity to buy the hair for 281 bits. She now lays there in her bed, wearing her sexy silk pajamas, wondering what to do next. She had no idea, her 1st true love: Prince Blueblood was prince not so charming (reference to this one episode of Pucca) and Trenderhoof started dating Applejack. It's as if every man she falls for is actually not all they're cracked up to be. Was this the end? Is Rarity forever destined to be alone? It looked like, as she curled into a ball & sobbed for what seemed like 2 hours but in actuality, it was about 17 minutes.
"But that what it feels like to me Mr.Narrator!"
"HEY, HOW'D YOU KNOW I WAS HERE?!"
"I've been taking lesson from Pinkie on how to break the 4th wall because I'm always hearing this faint voice from nowhere?"
"Okay, I'm going to ignore you & get back to the story."
Ahem, she sobbed for a long time, she even shooed her cat away when she tried to comfort her. (Yeah, about the only time that white little demon tried being nice. Don't worry, I'm not trying to offend any white people reading this story. That was just purely against Opal. I'm Filipino Hawaiian by the way. So Rarity pulled out her phone to see if any of her friends would like to visit. She was going to give up till Spike answered the call.
"Hello?"
"Hello Spikeyboo, I was just wondering if you'd like to come over for a visit, I'm very lonely, so please be here immediately."
"Alright, bye."
"Bye."
Meanwhile...
"(I wonder what Rarity would want? guess I'll find out when I get there.)" Spike thought.
Now back to Rarity...
"Oh Spike, my Spikey boo, my Spikey wikey, how could moi have not seen it for so long?"
Uh, did I miss something as we panned over to Spike for that short while?
"Oh Mr.Narrator! I've come to a great realization."
"What would that be?"
"I'm in love with Spike & he's in love with me, how could I have not see it with my own eyes for so long? My love interest was right there in my story of romance & I was too blind by wanting to become famous, to not realize the truth. Well, as soon as he gets here, I am going to be extremely forward, now help me create a shrine to Spike,and a trap for him as well."
Okay, now everything just got strange but I'm not complaining because Rarity said I can have 200 bits after I help her. So 1st I'm gonna order 2 baker's dozens of powdered donuts, both regular & curly fries, 2 six packs of hard cider, a quadruple bacon cheeseburger, some hotdogs, popcorn, cookies & cream Ice cream, oreos, KFC 12 piece meal, you know also get some chicken nuggets, then finally, buy a party sized bag of salt & vinegar lays. Yeah, I'm gonna eat all of this as I watch Rarity have her romantic moment with a captured Spike. Just one more knot & a punch to my sister's face...and were done.
Now I'll buy all of this & try to get back here fast. wow, that certainly was fast, thanks Sonic the hedgehog, and remember, no matter how much of a brony I am, I'll always prefer you over Rainbow Dash. what a nice guy, helping me carry all of this stuff no questions asked. So the trap was set. Spike enters through the open door wondering why the boutique is so dark, then suddenly, a cage falls around him. What the heck is that over th...really Rarity? You just had to name the cage Nicholas?! Then the lights suddenly turn on.
"What in the world is going on?"
"Hit it Mr.Narrator!"
So I put on the smooth jazz music, and comes Rarity, wearing a sexy cop uniform, allowing Spike to see her thong.
"Hello convict!"
"Rarity, w-what's the meaning of this? Let me out."
"Aw what would be the fun in that? How's about you admit to being a very bad boy? Maybe then I'll consider letting you out for good behavior."
"Fine, I-I-I have been very bad, I broke Pinkie's Party Cannon & blamed it on Shogun Deezutra, I gave Button Mash expired milk which poisoned his milf, I was very lazy that day, I sometimes clop to this picture of my true love's ass I took when we were at the beach last summer! Okay I confessed my sins, so if our friends are gonna come out & congratulate me for telling the truth, I don't deserve it." Oh God, he's crying.
"You've served your sentence little boy. As a bonus for finding the courage to confess, I'll give you an award."
She then pressed a button on the wall, lifting the cage up. Rarity picked Spike up with her magic, and gave Spike the greatest 1st kiss ever in fanfiction history.
"That was fantastic." Spike said with a cracking voice.
"It was, now then, let's go upstairs to my room & have some fun!"
"Wait, aren't you being a little to straight forward my sweet?" Spike protested.
"No!"
Then sex happened.
"Thank goodness that jazz music is over, it started to get a little annoying. Next letter.(I wonder what the Nostalgia Critic would think of this story, since he said Teenage mlp fanfics were very bad, in the Ghost Rider review.)"
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Ch. Ben Tennyson: Imma gonna Punch you.
"Oh haha, very funny on the chapter title. Next is...Berry Punch."
"What you say? You gonna Punch me mother fucker?"
"Who in Equestria are you?"
"Oh, don't mind Private Veetrix, he's new & has issues with his temper whenever he hears certain key words like punch."
"Let's just get on with the story. (He better not be another recurring OC.)"
"I can't believe you are this drunk Ms.Punch." Spike said, as he carried Berry Punch bride style back to her house.
Berry Punch is always having one of her friends carry her home, and tonight was Spike's turn. Berry was really drunk, she was laughing with a slurred voice, then she looked up to Spike, pulled her head up to his, and gave him a nuzzle.
"Ha ha, you know Spike, I always thought you was cuuuute."
"That's the booze talking."
"Wha? No man, I'm speaking the truth. Besides, your a very unique citizen. Like Cranky, Zecora, and that mule. With all these other creatures, like Mulia Mild, Gaston, Shogun Deezutra, Discord, Matilda, Daisy Joe, and I'm pretty sure there are a few more, but I thought this was Ponyville, a town for ponies only, but with all these non ponies living here, It's like wow. You know"
"Right."
"You know Spike, your friends don't give you enough praise."
"They give me plenty."
"Crap okay, So what's your opinion on all these non pony citizens ?"
"Eh, I don't seem to mind, they're all great characters."
"Characters? Like on a show?"
"Yeah you could say that. Though the pony citizens from time to time do make mule jokes, but they don't mean to offend him and he doesn't seem to care."
"That was a lot of words."
So these 2 continue their long conversation about the non pony citizens for about 10 more minutes. Soon after they made it to Berry's home.
"Put me down Spike, I can walk again."
"Alright, see you later Ms.Punch"
"Spike wait!"
"Yeah?"
"You're at the legal drinking age right?"
"Yes."
"Oh, then come drinking with me tomorrow night."
"I don't know."
"Come-on, it'll be fun, you & me having our very 1st date."
"D-d da..." Then he was cut-off by Berry Punch giving him a wet sloppy and slimy kiss.
"(Oh Celestia, she has beer breath, yet it feels so good.)"
Berry succeeded in going farther into Spike's mouth by using her tongue to pry open Spike's jaw so she could explore the new environment. After a while, Berry let Spike off the hook.
"So, will you be my boyfriend ?"
"Yes." He answered as he tasted all the beer flavored saliva in his mouth.
"Alright, so tomorrow night, you better bring your wallet, because we're splitting the bill. Goodnight." Then she closes the door & winds up getting lectured by her little sister, Berry Pinch.
"A drunk idiot kissed me once, I beat the shit outta him in return." Luna then turned to the passing by patrol guard.
"I said I was sorry."
"No matter, get the next letter Deezutra."
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Ch.Kevin Levin: That's Harsh Dude
"Luna, are you sure about telling those stories to children?"
"Yes, don't worry, they'll just tire out before any of the juicy stuff happens. Okay, with my new found confidence, the cougar will be...Ms. Harshwhinny."
Spike, a young & handsome 17 year old man was walking back & forth from the library to city hall, helping out with organizing stuff. But he couldn't shake the feeling he was being watched. He had just finished both of his jobs in record time. He then decided to head on over to Sugarcube Corner. Spike was halted harshly as soon as he began his sprint. He was halted by 2 things that were big & soft. He tried pulling his head out, but the big whatever they were, squeezed his head and the poor guy desperately wanted air. He was released sa soon as he was on the brink of suffocation. When he was freed, he fell and landed on his rumpus. What was standing infront of him was a tall lady with orange skin I think, wait was Ms.Harshwhinny's coat orange or brownish orange in the show? Ahyway, she had blond hair, earrings, She wore a purple business suit, Spike got a good look at her panties under that skirt. She wore black stockings & finally, purple heels. It was then & there when Spike had finally realized that the 2 large & soft things he was sandwhiched between were the woman's E-cup breasts. With that thought, his reaction was appropriate.
"GAH!" His nose then started bleeding from that.
He was then given a handkerchief by the still un named woman.
"Thanks, hey I know you, you're Ms.Harshwhinny."
"Correct, so would you care to explain why you freaked out & gave yourself a nosebleed?" She lied
"Well, it's just that I didn't expect what just happened to me to you know, happen. Now, would you explain why you just did that to me?"
She then got close to his ear, left hand on his crotch, and said...
"I just love young men, they have so much..." She then licked his ear making him shiver. "...stamina."
"(Oh haha very funny author, she works for the Equestria games so that means she's into healthy young men.) Is that so?"
"Yes, and I've seen how well you were able to do 2 jobs without breaking a sweat, you are definently Equestria games material."
"Wow, that's very nice of you but could you please let gof my sack?"
"No, I am truly sorry, but it seems the cougar has captured her prey." She then took Spike to her hotel roim for 7 rounds of sweaty uninterupted intercourse.
"You see? Thee children fell asleep. Now, you there, teenage hoe, get me the next letter."
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
CH. 12: A Torch at the Beach
"Next is...Torch Song as our 2nd cougar. wait, she was that other female isinger in the ponytones right?"
"Yes Princess."
"Alrighty, without any further ado, begin."
What? 1st Rainbow Dash's #1 fan is Scootaloo, now Rarity becomes the only one in the ponytones that gets a #1 fan AKA Spike? Who's next? Well, it seems some pony intends to take Spike's eyes away from Rarity. Her name is Torch Song. I'd like to see her try, No one has ever been able to do that. But lets see how she does.
"Phase 1 of taking Rarity's #1 fan: Just me & him at the Beach."
That one's pretty self explanatory, she's gonna use the ancient art of seduction to make Spike want her! Infact, no one could believe he was here with such a hot woman, you know I don't believe I actually saw a humanized picture of her. Well she was in a recent ep, it may take some time.So Spike and Torch lounged around for a while until.
"Oh Spike, would you please rub sun tan lotion on me?"
"!!!" He couldn't comprehend what she had just asked. But he fought back against the naughty thoughts & just did.
"Phase 2 rub every where boy."
Wait, when she said every where did she actually...
"Now don't be shy Spike, and rub that on here as well" Torch Song then grabbed Spike's hands and had his riggt grasping her right breast, and his lef grasping her left buttcheek.
Spike was not about to faint, besides, when does a chance like this ever come right? Never. Ihate to admit it, but looks like Spike is warming up to her, uh, figure of speech. Spike made sure to put that lotion all over her. Ooh, it was over from there, hey have you guys seen the movie Bad Teacher? Well Torch was gonna use this one certain scene from there as her Final Phase
"Phase 3 Get Him Home. Oh Spike?"
"Yes Torch Song." Spike said while not being able to comprehend what he had just done to her.
"You've done an excellent job, so after were done here, please come to my house tonight, I have a special reward for you."
"O-okay (Oh my Celestia, what coukd she want?)"
"Well looks like this cougar is leading the prey to her den figuratively of course."
Pinkie, get outta here, you're not the narrator! Well, as she stated, Spike cameover ther at 8.
*Ding Dong*
Torch Song's final Phase was about to happen right now.
"Phase 4 Take His Dry Virginity."
She opens the door, Spike was sweating, with anticipation.
"Hi."
"Hey Spike, come in & take a seat."
Spike sat down on her couch, and she was standing iinfront of him. She strategically shook her ass at him.
"So, have you ever heard of dry humping?"
"I'm scared to ask what it means, but go ahead."
"Well, it's when you hump me without taking off iour clothes, and we cum in our pants."
"Oh, s-so is that my reward? The safest possible form of safe sex?"
"Yes."
Spike did not hesitate and grinded hard against Torch's ass. Does this count as adult since I am now explainin the sex in detail even though it's dry humping? You know what, why haven't you people who aren't at that base yet with your boyfriends & girlfriends? I bet they'll except & for the married people & people who are at that base, it should be pretty kinky wouldn't you agree? Well I digress, Spike then flipped Torch Song over & started grinding her vag, They the proceded by kissing eachothe with tounge. They were squeezing against eachothe & Spike's hard-on got harder because his chest was pressing her E-cups. Spike broke the kiss gasping for air while telling, well trying to tell her, but she just went in and gave the poor youngman no mercy. So without warning, they both jizzed in their pants. Wow were they sweaty after that.
"Mission Complete, Spike is mine." She said to herself. She originally intended to steal Spike from Rarity, but her conscious was telling her that she can't live without Spike's touch. So she made the wait & eventually married him for real sex.
"And that's the story, well my story of how your father & I became a couple."
"Wow mom, didn't know you had it in yah."
"Hmm. Maybe me & Big Mac could try dry humping when it's not safe. His long Mac can't fit in my ass anyway. Now that I'm done with my thoughts, get me the next letter."
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Ch.13: How I Became 1st Gentleman Spike.
"The next story will feature...*Gasp!* I didn't know the mayor of Ponyville was a cougar. Start now, also we're running out of snacks & soda."
"Private Veetrix, go get more snacks & soda."
"(1st day outta the academy & I have to spend it getting everyone food.)"
*Knock, knock, knock.*
Spike was at Mayor Mare's humble abode, awaiting to help her out early with official business. Atleast that's what she told him. The Mayor actually had something else in mind.
"Ah, hello Spike, come along, we have alot of work to do."
There she was in her usual brown colored uniform, well it looks like a pale brown, I don't know. The Mayor was slightly shorter than the handsome youngman infront of him. She had Spike follow behind her, giving some sway, and bounce to her walk. Yes, Spike couldn't look away at her. He'd have to hide his concealed weapon or risk going to jail for being so indecent infront of Ponyville's politically elected boss. She actually wanted him to be indecent, she hasn't had a date without it being politically related & she's never had a boyfriend in her life, but after reading about the kunoichi's ancient art of seduction, one night, she decided to try that out on someone she can easily manipulate with her skills as a leader.
"So, what's our 1st order of business?"
"Well, I need you to sit there at my desk & organize the papers. I'll be sighning these documents somewhere else, also, do not get out of that chair till I get back."
"Yes ma'm!"
So, she left to go to her surveillance room, to check the cameras. Spike began organizing the papers on the desk, but after fliiping over the 5th sheet, he was in for a big surprise.
"AH!"
Spike was surprised to find a picture of Mayor Mare in a sexy position, wearing nothing but her lingerie. Spike flipped to another paper in the pile, this time a picture where the Mayor was covering her bra-less chest & making the duck face. He flipped to another but the result was another naughty image, this one had the Mayor without her grey hair dye covering her chest with a pillow that had Spike's name written in cursive. Spike's mind was going wild.
"(Was the Mayor planning on being on a porn mag like Play Stallion? Why in her right mind would she have pictures like these?)"
Spike wondered what he should do.
"(Don't worry big guy, just ignore the pictures and you'll be able to get through this organizing in no time.)"
Mayor Mare was pleased with Spike's reactions, like how I was pleased with everyone's reactions when the eagle attacked the duck in Pinkie Apple Pie. The Mayor then went back to her office when she saw Spike had finished.
"Oh good job Spike, I knew you could do it."
"Yeah..." Spike couldn't even look at Mayor without remembering those pictures.
"Alright, the next order of business, The mayor of a village of dragons refuses to let us finish the bridge connecting our town to their's. Atleast not without proof that ponies & dragons can be friends."
"Ah, I see, so you want me to send him some of my photos of me proving people of dragon origin & pony origin can be friends."
"Actually, I was thinking of something more along the lines of us having a little fun." She said, as she removed her suit, revealing her E-cup chest & long slender body. "So, how about it dragon boy?"
*Gulp!* "Gee yah know I think it's time I.." He was cut off as the Mayor sat down on Spike's lap.
"Oh, where do you think you're going youngman?" She then kissed his cheek, and pulled a camera out of the drawer of her desk. "Let's show them, that we can make love, not war."
*Hard Gulp* "Okay!"
"Good." After that, the predator had captured her prey & with the pictures, allowed the mayor of the other village connect their towns.
*YEARS LATER."
"...And as you can see,this diagram states that kids & teens are much more energetic if they sweat during exercise."
"Very good 1st Gentleman Spike, this should encourage parents to have their kids get out more."
Spike stood there next to his wife as the audience at the meeting applauded him. Mare then grinded her chest against his arm
"(Oh Celestia again?) Well, thank you for the praise but I really must go."
So Spike and Mare left & went back to their house.
"Wow, you sure rowdy today. I mean this is our 12th round."Well, it was obviously that much because just look at the tiredness in his eyes, there's freaking bags big enough to hold 1 marble each.
"I know, but it's heat week for the mares."
"Oh-no."
"Oh-yeah."
"I wonder, if Princess Twilight is a princess does that mean she takes on The Mayor's duties when she's out of town? Probably, now get me the next letter."
Author's Note
Some kunoichis use the art of seduction to distract their male foes.
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
"This time, the 4th cougar is Chickadee Peachbottom...bwahaha, is there seriously a pony with that kind of name?"
"Ugh..." Spike had just woken-up, but he didn't expect what he had woken-up to. As he saw the tall & naked F-cup next to him, this woman had yellow skin, green hair, green eyes, and freckles, her clothes were scattered across the room like Spike's. Her pink shirt were in the corner, her blue skarf was on the edge of the night stand, her pants were in the closet, her lingerie were next to eachother at the window, and her hair tie was wrapped around Spike's hair, how kinky.
He couldn't believe it. "Okay Spike, review everything, how did a fool like you get a babe like this?"
1 day earlier...
*Sniff, sniff* Spike sat there in a swaggy tux, watching Rarity leave on the stage couch with her new husband.
"This is a good thing Spike, you need to get over her, she's finally found somebody and you should be happy." *Sigh* "Huh?"
Spike then caught the bouquet. If you catch a bouquet during the wedding reception it's a sign that you will get married. That's why women are always fighting over them. Which I think is the funniest part of the wedding, I'm just saying. *Yawn* Did Rarity really have to plan the wedding during the morning? Anywho, now that Rarity and her husband Elusive left for a honeymoon. Spike got out of his tux quick as a flash. He then went incognito, cause he just wanted to be alone, and was doing a pretty good job of it, until...
*Blam*
"Oh, sorry."
"Aw, it's alri..." The busty lady Spike bumped into was at a loss for words. "You're Prince Spike! Oh my gosh, this is the 2nd time I've ever met a prince, and he's single." She said the last 3 words of that sentence with a sultry voice & bedroom eyes, as she got up and inched closer to Spike, who was still on the ground. "So big boy, would you like to show a mustang like me around these parts?"She was so close that he could practically touch her large chest.
"Well, o-okay uh..."
"Peachbottom, Chickadee Peachbottom for your information Prince Charming."
"Heh I'm not that charming."
"I beg to differ, A prince of dragon origin, and a rather handsome one at that." She was so close then she could now see the red around his eyes. "Huh? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"Well, it's just that there's red around your eyes, as if you were crying a while ago."
"Oh, you saw that, well would you like to know?"
She noded her head in agreement.
"Well follow me to my favorite ice cream parlor & I'll tell you."
So they walked to their destination, and Chickadee's arms were wrapped around Spike's left side. She also leaned her head on Spike's shoulder for good measure. Once they got there, Spike ordered a big enough sundae for 2. After that he explained what happened.
"Oh, I am so sorry."
"Don't be, I'm I was too foolish to win the heart ofa woman like that just to have her taken from her R63 version."
"(The poor prince.)" Chickadee then put her head down, but after getting a good look at her chest, she hatched a brilliant plan.
She scooped a spoin full of ice cream, and pretended to accidentally drop the ice cream in between her bust.
"Ah, how clumsy of me, and it's so cold. Prince Spike, it's so cold that I'm shivering, could you kindly get it out for me?"
"(Well buddy, you said you'd give-up on Rarity, and I guess helping damsels in distress like this one is the best time as ever.)"
Spike quickly got the napkin & reached down between her girls. Spike pulled the melty clump out and but it aside on top of a pile of napkins.
"Well, thank you my hero."
"No problem." You could see Spike's face was completely flustered.
"(Tee-hee, I got him.)"
"So Chickadee what is it you usually do?"
"I travel all across Equestria just like that Trenderhoof fellow."
*Bam!* Spike's head slammed onto the table.
"Spike? Please get up, was it something I said?"
"Rarity had a crush on him a while back."
"(Oh-my, I made things worse, I gotra think quick.)"
"I'm sorry Spike listen I'll make it up to you."
"How?"
"You could lick the ice cream between my chicken breasts." I get it because her cutiemark is a chicken.
Spike blushed hard but accepted the request. He put his face deep into her chest and started licking with his Orochimaru style tounge. Geez, didn't that villain from Naruto ever remind you of Child molester: Micheal Jackson? Okay, now that I've offended his fans, go ahead & call me bastard, I actually like being called that, it makes me sound cool. Spike pulled his head out a while later to get some air, but was then forced back in by his impromptu date.
"Okay, I think we're finished."
*GASP!* *Huff* *Huff* "Y-you tasted sweet, I-I-I mean the strawberry ice cream tasted sweet, heh."
So they went on to finishing the sundae, Chickadee ate the banana in a very sexually arousing away. Then alls there was left was the pocky. Man I must be really hungry to mention food this much again, I mean, I just had 4 slices of garlic bread for a snack. I've probably caused whoever is still reading to get hungry as well, damn. There were 5 Pocky sticks and 2 of them, so they took 2 pocky sticks each, and I bet you guys & girls have watched enough anime, rwad enough manga, and played enough japanese video games to know what's going to happen next.
"Spike?"
"Yeah Chickadee?"
"You ever heard of the Pocky game?"
That tears it! Spike knew about this sign, and then he lost control of his body, pulled Ms.Peachbottom from across the table & gave her a big ole kiss, which she returned. After 2 minutes, they finally let go. You're probably wondering why the owner of place didn't kick 'em out, well he's both a romantic nut, and a pervert.
"So, your place?"
"Fucking-a yeah."
So they payed for the ice cream, and went back to the library for some intense passion.
(End of flashback)
Twilight woke-up at the same time Chickadee Peachbottom did on the bed next to their's.
"Mmm goodmorning honey."
"Ah, goodmorning Spike."
"Twilight, we didn't desturb you right?"
"Oh-no, the fact you finally have a girlfriend is good enough to only have 2 hours of sleep. Now get dressed & make breakfast stud, I gotta leave aerly for The Crystal Empire."
"Damn, get the nex..."
*Poot!*
"Okay who farted?"
"Sorry, it was the garlic bread."
"Oh Mr.Narrator."
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Ch.15: The Generous Dark One.
"And the finall cougar is...*Gasp*!"
"What's wrong princess?"
"It's...It's Nightmare Rarity. Well, looks like we have to get on with the show."
It took some time getting used to, but everyone in Ponyville got used to her, Nightmare Rarity, the evil, or rather formerly evil version of Rarity. Look, I know most of you are going "But Nathan, you just shipped Sparity twice." NO! I DID NOTHING OF THE CELESTIA DAMN SORT, I AM INFACT SHIPPING NIGHTSPARITY! IT'S DIFFERENT I'M USING CAPITALS TO EMPHASIZE YELLING AS YOU CAN SEE, I SHOULD BE YELLING IN REAL LIFE BECAUSE THE THIS & THE PAST 6 OR MORE CHAPTERS WERE TYPED BY PS3 & I HAVE TO TAKE BREAKS SOMETIMES TO REST, BECAUSE MY THUMBS HURT, & I'M ALWAYS TOO FUCKING CLOSE TO THE FLAT SCREEN IN MY PARENT'S BEDROOM. Okay, breath in, and then spit on the guy you just beat-up. Alright, as I said everyone got used to the intimidating pitch black woman with dark purple hair and I think azure eyes. Well, not everyone, Spike didn't seem to trust Nightmare Rarity. So he didn't like her, but the G-cup liked him (Yep, I've saved the best size for last.) she liked him so much she would stalk him, watch him while he sleeps, even brake into The Library in the morning to do half of all his chores. before dawn. But this Saturday was the day this predator would stop toying with her prey, and go in for the kill, today, was an equine only holiday where everyone of equine origin go to the evefree forest, and fight in a giant royal rumble till 9 PM. Nightmare Rarity chose to stay by,, and have a real hunt. "pike woke-up to a happy Nightmare Rarity laying on top of him.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"
"And a good morning to you as well."
"Please don't kill me!"
"Wha? I'm not gonna kill you, but I wonder if you'll be able to escape the thing I have planned for you." Okay, now I remembering the time Lemongrab from Finn & Jake said: "The thing." It was pretty funny the way he said it.
"Wh-what thing?"
"You wont figure out till I catch you. So here are the rules:
"I agree to your terms."
"Okay, good luck, you're gonna need it." Then she turned into mist, and phased through the wall.
"I will not allow you to do anything horrible, I knew you were still evil."
So Spike got his bag of tricks ready. When it was time, he bravely stepped outside to take on the challenge with a determined look on his face. So Spike began his 7 minute head start. He ran around Ponyville with fast running shoes. then he quickly & silently ducked behind a bush, because Nightmare Rarity was so close to spotting him. He pulled out a slingshot & a pachinko ball, then he put on his camouflage clothing. The hero fired a shot at a nearby trash can. This attracted her attention, allowing Spike to run swiftly but quietly past her. Spike was doung okay so far. It was now 7:04. But Spike was running low, but that didn't stop him, he pulled a sports drink out of his bag. It was Twilight's experimental Andrenaline G-force One, and boy was it strong, boosting all of Spike's physical attributes by 50%. He then ducked behind a house because Nightmare Rarity was close to spotting him once again.
"Spike, please come out, I'm so lonely."
"Waaaaaaah!"
"Don't cry Riolu, we'll fing them. Hey look, it's Nightmare Rarity." Said Shogun Deezutra
Yet again, another chance for him to tip toe through as Nightmare Rarity tells them what's going on. It's so foggy when Ponyville is empty isn't it? Well, yes, a fog rolled in and now Spike will have no idea if he runs into Nightmare Rarity , but now it's 7:59, way too go kid, just one more hour le... Why is Private Veetrix strolking around Ponyville in a ghost octopus costume? Irrelevant, As he ran, he saw a dark figure up ahead, it noticed him.
"There you are!"
"Spike, run boy ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!" Said Private Veetrix.
It was no use, Nightmare Rarity was too fast in her mist form, but Spike repelled the mist with a battery powered fan. Nightmare Rarity rematerialized to her human form, and tried to use hypnosis on him, but Spike had a magic cancelling ring. So it was time to a fist fight. Spike made the 1st move, she blocked, then countered. Spike blocked with a rubber chicken, talk about cockblocking am I right?
"Yield, you're out matched!"
"Never, I knew you were evil that's why you've been stalking me all those times, you intend to kill me! "
"Who says I wanna kill you? I stalk you outta love!"
"What?"
*Ding ding ding K.O.*
"Y-you really love me?"
"Yes Spike, Rarity may not feel that way, but Nightmare Rarity does." She explained, while sitting on his crotch. "Also, I've won! Now, let's go to my pocket dimention to be alone."
So they teleported there & had lots of sex without anyone else, just them in that pocket dimention, and them alone.
"What an intense story, this time it was an actuall hunt. Well the cougars are all finished, time for the next letter."
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
"This is certainly unusual, this time we have Spike the Dog & Philomena."
"RATS! I'M STILL A DOG!!!" Spike was really abgry. After that Equestria Girls fiasco (Why'd they have to make another movie? It'l my little pony, not human!) Spike came back as a dog & Nopony has any idea on how to change him back. Twilight however used her research to solve this problem but nothing yet.
"Sorry Spike, but if you decide to give-up, Winona would just love to have you as a mate."
"Pass, besides, I'll never be able to make nachoz with paws & constantly shedding fur."
With that thought in her head, she left to do big time research on over time.
"I'll be out on quick stroll around Ponyville, you continue your work."
So Spike left the library & wandered around
"(I gotta change back fast, my competition are already making their moves)" He thought. "(It's no use, Somepony will take her from me & there's nothing I can do to stop them!)" Then he laid on the grass & sobbed.
"Hey, what's the matter?" A voice asked.
"I'll never find the one for me! I'm gonna die alone!"
"Aw, don't say that little puppy, it makes me want to cry with you, please cheer up."
Spike then put his head-up.
"But look at me! I used to be a dragon, a powerful representative of destruction! But after an adventure I had with my BFF, i stayed a dog! Stallion's best friend!"
"Oh please, stop it! It breaks my heart hearing how sad your life is!" Then the unknown creature appeard & wrapped her wings around Spike, trying to comfort him with the warmth of her feathers. Spike looked at his comforter, it was Princess Celestia's pet phoenix Philomena.
"Philomena?"
"Yes. Wait, how do you know my name?"
"It's me, Spike!"
"Spike? Wow, your so cute!"
"Thanks, but what are you doing here?"
"Master is at The Golden Oaks Library, to tell Princess Twilight, that there's nothing she can do to turn you back into a dragon! She brought me along thinkin you might need a playmate."
Spike fell silent & turned away to cry a tsunami of tears. Philomena then turned Spike's body around to face her, then rested his head on her breast. Yes, the tears stung, but it didn't do much harm. Spike dug into her chest with his head. The sadder Spike got, the worse Philomena's heart broke. So, Philomena did the one thing she figuredcould calm Spike down. She kissed him, beak-to-snout.
"There, you feel better now?"
"Yeah."
"Spike, would it be okay if you became my boyfriend? So you wont worry about being alone ever again?"
"Of course, but what about children & your immortality?"
"I'm sure I can persuade Madter with my skills as melodrama queen."
They then shared a chuckle. The 2 watched as the sun set. Spike & Philomena cuddled closer as the sun was setting lower & lower over the horizon, no, not verizon, that's a phone company and not Verizion, that's a legendary Pokemon I happen to find sexy. Twilight & Celestia called out to the 2 and then they kissed goodbye until next time.
"That was very heartwarming in deed. Now get me the next letter."
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Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Ch.17: I Hear Sweetie Wedding Belles, MAKE IT STOP!!!
"Aww, this chapter features Spike & Sweetie Belle. Pleade start the story now."
"...Huh?" Spike woke-up, standing on an altar, wearing a tux, His friends and family were all tied up, and dressed in formal wear.
"Finally, you awake my love."
Spike turned his head to see Sweetie Belle in a wedding dress & having a huge smile on her face.
"Sweetie Belle?"
*Toilet flushing!* The 'Honorable" Princess Celestia (Yeah very honorable, you didn't even wash your friggin hands.) emerged from the bathroom.
"Princess Celestia?"
"Hi son."
"Oh, I mean Momlestia?"
"Princess Celestia, it's time to wake everyone up!"
"Got it!"
Then she fired ethereal hands that slapped everyone up, while saying "WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING MOTHER FUCKERS!!!" Geez, what language, and coming from a hand no less. Everyone was up with confused faces & A gigantic red bruises that for some odd reason looked like Lao Shi's face from American Dragon Jake Long.
"What the hay is going on here? Also, why are we all tied up?" Said Rainbow Dash.
"I don't know, but maybe the fact that it looks like Spike & Sweetie Belle are getting married might have something to do about it." A.J. pointed out before Pinkie.
"Sweetie Belle?" Gasped her family.
"Spike?" Gasped Twilight's family.
"Are getting married?" Everyone gasped.
"Aw man, if only I knew I was getting kidnapped to witness a wedding, then I would've gotten a gift in advance." Said Lyra.
"Aw, if only I had known, I was getting kidnapped to witness these 2 become Spikebelle, then I would've offered to provide the catering of muffins. Grr, so unexpected!" Said Derpy.
Everyone was chattering amongst themselves. Spike turned to Sweetie Belle.
"What's the meaning of all this Sweetie Belle, do you really want to marry me?"
"Of course Spikey wikey!" Then she nuzzled him.
Spike was a little confused of the situation, and I bet so are a bunch of you guys.
"Ahem everypony...attention...attent please!" Haha, no-one was hearing a word that Princess Celestia was saying, so in annoyance, used the same slap spell on their other cheek, this time the mark looked like Shi fu from Kung Fu Panda.
"Now that I finally have your attention. We shall begin. We are gathere, well by force, to witness theunion of my son Prince Spike, and Princess Sweetie Belle! These 2 to everypony's eye ilooks like a match made in heavan..."
As she rambled on, Spike wondered if he should reject her, but isomething in him is telling Spike NO! Don't reject her. Maybe fate really did choose them to be together.
"Spike, do you take Sweetie Belle as you lawfully wedded wife?"
"..." Everyone was now under the impression that he was suffering from cold feet. But he then finally spoke. "I do, and if I may, I have something to tell you. If I'm allowed."
"Go-onger."
"Sweetie Belle, we've known eachother since we were llittle. You were cute then, and you're even more so now! You're a great singer, even though you cook horribly, my taste buds & iron stomach endure it! I wish an eternity with you, even if you die before me, I'll follow. Those are my honest words."
"You are so sweet! I love you Spike!"
"Sweetie Belle, I don't even need to continue because I already know your answer. So, any objections?"
"I got one!"
Then Princess Celestia vaporized Button Mash.
"Anyone else? Well, with the power investein me, I pronounce you Drake & Mare!" Then Sweetie Belle put her ring around Spike's ring finger & then Princess Celestia gave Spike a ring to put around Sweetie's horn. after that, they kissed, and they all cheered hooray.
"That was very confusing. Get the next letter."
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Ch.18: She's Not So Scary!
*Epic opera plays in the background.*
"This one sounds dangerou. The next one is...N-n-N-n-Nightmare Moon. Okay Luna, focus your bravery, be like Courage Wolf! You are the result of 4billion years of evolutionary success so fucking act like it!"
The citizens of Ponyville were having a hard time dealing with the substitue Luna, AKA Nightmare Moon! Then all of you guys bitch: "But Nathan, that's Spiluna, and you've already did that on the 1st Pimp Spike's Swag!" NO AGAIN!!! THIS IS INFACT A CRACK SHIPPING KNOWN AS SPIKMOON, GO TO DERPIBOORU, TYPE THIS IN THE SEARCH, & YOU'LL GET 2 PICTURES OF THESE 2 KISSING!!! So yeah,everypony was terrified, except Spike & the Mane 6! Well, Fluttershy was still scared of her, but she'll eventually learn to except her like how she excepted Angel Bunny being a faggit! These 7 were her only friends, well The other princes & princesses were her friends as well but you get the point. Even so, there was something about one friend in particular that really peaked her interest. That friend was Spike. Even though Nightmare Moon had as much power as Luna, there are times when her divine power can be negated & Spike was there to rescue her from the foe time & time again. Oh, you're probably wondering why I said she was the substitue Luna. Well when Luna doesn't want to work, she has Nightmare Moon raise & lower the moon, and observe the dreams of their subjects. So yeah Spike was very interesting to her, she feels he is a slave to the ponies because of all the work they have him do whether it be simple chores or back breaking labor! Talk about labor, I'm almost at the final chapter of this story & both my eyes & thumbs hurt after typing on my PS3 wince I can only use the house's computer for school! Atleadt I can use the school's library computer sbut the time after I eat lunch to use 'em is so shorrt, even if I get a paragraph and a half down. Well I'm digressing again because of my uncontrollable anger. Alright so one day Twilight had Spike & Nightmare Moon go out & get some groceries!
"This is nice." Spike casually said as they walked to the market place.
"Yeah, if you like all the ponies cowering in their homes!" Nightmare replied sarcastically.
"Hey don't be like that, Twilight said that in order for you to be liked, is if you went out & attempt to be social, also everypony loves me, so they'll give you a chance!"
"You really think so?"
"Absolutely!"
"Did somebody call my name?"
"No Absol, go back to Shogun Deezutra's home!"
"So yeah, oh here's Bulk Biceps, try befriending him!"
"Okay, here goes!"
She walked up to him.
"Hi."
*Little girl scream!* Then he ran away!
"Wow, I've never seen him so terrified before, well except for that one time."
So they made it to the market as soon as they arrived everypony quaked with fear.
"They're all scared of me." She whispered
"Your just thinking negatively, if anything, they're afraind of me cause I'm a foot taller than Big Mac."
That's when Nightmare Moon accidentally bumped into a kid who was playing.
"Oh my, sorry li..."
"AAAAAAH!!! NIGHTMARE MOON!!! PROTECT ME SPIKE!!!"
*SOB* *SOB* *SOB* Then Nightmare Moon flew away.
"Nightmare Moon, wait!" He then turned his head to the kid. "Nice, reeeal nice! Nightmare Moon comeback!"
Spike persued her by following the trail of tears. He found the trail end in a little clearing in the Everfree Forest.
*SOB*
Spike put a claw gently on her shoulder to calm her down.
"Spike, oh Spike! You don't know what it's like having the public hate you!"
"I've felt how you're feeling right now!"
"What?"
"Yes, after a conflict where I had trouble with my greed, my friends saved me! Also, I was given a certain something after I returned to normal."
"What would that b..." She didn't finish because Spike kissed her! It felt so good to her that she returned it. They stayed like that for a while, then they let go with an audible pop!.
"You should go back home, I'll take over the groceries! We'll try again tomorrow!"
"Okay...my love."
"Yay happy ending for the season 1 villain, now get the next letter."
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Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Ch.19: The Kid & The Out of Her League Adult!
"The 2nd to last ship is...Pumpkin Cake at age 13. Well, that title of the chapter now makes sence!"
*sigh* sighed Pumpkin Cake. "Spike is so handsome, I want him to go out with me!"
"Forget it sis, that's impossible! He's too old & out and I don't just mean out, but I mean 9 Trillion and 5.7 light years out of your league!"
"What do you know Pound Cake? I was born 1st after all!"
"Yeah by technicality, mom said we came out at the same time, but you were ahead by a hoof!"
"I'll show you, that me & him can be together!"
"Yeah, and I'll stop pounding on Mr.Rumble every Sunday on the tennis court!"
"I'll show you!" Then she ran out!
"Pumpkin, get your ass back here, we're supposed to be grounded! Drat...well, if aunt Pinkie was able to smuggle pot into The Bakery, I can get Pumpkin back here before Mom & Dad get back!" Then he left the bakery as well!
Pumpkin followed her heart, not letting anything distract her. She made it to the Golden Oaks Library. She was about to knock till bam, the door hit her in the face, knocking her out.
3 minutes later...
Pumpkin Cake awoke on the couch.
"Finally your up, and aren't you suppose to be grounded?"
She looked to her left, and there he was, Spike, just like how he used to persue rarity, Pumpkin Cake persued Spike. Sometimes unrequited love is sad.
"Oh, hi Spike. (come-on girl this is your chance! Don't blow it!) yeah, I'm grounded, but it didn't want that to stop me from telling you something mui importante!"
"Oh? What would that be kid?"
"Y-you know when I volunteer to help you with your chores and various odd jobs?"
"Yes."
"Well, the reason why I help you with your work, is because I haaah....I haaah...I...have...a crush on..." She was then cut-off.
"Pumpkin, I should've realized that was the reason why, but I'm just too old for you."
"Oh..."
"However."
"However?"
"You remind me of me when I was younger, I used to the same thing with Rarity, because I used to have a crush on her, but all my work all went to waste, but that doesn't mean time is repeating itself with you."
"Wait, d-does that mean?"
"Yes, it does. Even though it seems like pedophilac behavior, let's keep our relationship a secret till you become an adult, agreed?"
"Cross my heart & hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!"
"Good, now come here."
Then, they kissed while standing in the middle of the library, with no witnesses except for an ant.
"Now you should go before your parents get mad."
"Good bye Spike, you'll be in my dreams tonight!"
So she dashed back as fast as she could, her heart was so overjoyed that she didn't realize it till she bumped right into Pound Cake.
"Gah!" grunted by both
"Sorry brother, you okay?"
"Yeah, and hey why do you look so happy? Wait, no way did he say yes?"
"From the wise words of Rarity, a lady never kisses and tells, now come-on, Aunt Pinkie's shift at the Hay Burger is almost over!"
"I'm not gonna complain, Alex Wolff from the Naked Brothers Band had an adult girlfriend on their T.V. Show. Now get me the final letter!"
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Final The Chapter: The Kiss Machine!
Spike was watching t.v. until suddently a giant vaccum sucked him into a machine! he landed on a convairbelt. Then Princess Celestia, The Maneiac, Photo finish, Milky Way, and Fluttershy/Flutterbat kissed him as he passed by, then he fell down a trap door and landed on a slide. as Spike went down the slide, Fleet Foot, Daisy Joe, Suri Polomare, Rarity, and Berry Punch all gave him a wet one during the corkscrew. Spike then made it to the floor, then a metal helmet was strapped to his head. He wondered what the helmet was for then a magnet made him rise! As the magnet transported the boy, a pair of robohands put swim trunks on him, can you guess where he's going? Because as the magnet dropped him...Ms. Harshwhinny, Torch Song, Mayor Mare, Chickadee Peachbottom, and Nightmare Rarity frenched him as they fell along with him. Those 5 landed safely and Spike ended up on a catapult! Once it fired, he was soaring through the sky! Then he landed on top of, a waterpark water slide! Then Philomena, Sweetie Belle, Nightmare Moon, Pumpkin Cake, and Dinky Doo kissed him goodbye, then pushed him down the water slide! Spike went down many gravity defying directions, he was sure this was Pinkie playing pimp cupid! Once he made it too the bottom with a huge splash, all 20 girls mentioned were in swimsuits designed by Rarity! Then all of then swam toward Spike for a crazy crazy orgy!
THE END! HEY! QUIT STARING AT MY BUTT!
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Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Prologue: Welcome Back Princess of the Night!
"Ah, well hello there! Here we are again! We will read to you another volume. Also, please read the 1st volume so you don't accidentally suggest a ship Trahzo has already wrote! now bring me the 1st letter of the night!"
"Here you go!" Said a guard.
"Very well, the 1st ship will be starring my nephew Spike &..."
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Chapter 2: You're One Crazy Bitch!
"Hm...Today we shall be shipping Spike with The Mane-iac!"
Spike was watching (Episode) Brave 47 of Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger!
"Whoa, Dogold is teaming-up with Utchy? Oh snap, they killed Endorf!"
Just then, a comic book appeared!
"Huh? Hey, this is the comic where me and my friends defeated the Mane-iac!"
Just then a tendril, burst out of the comic, then a bunch more!
"Oh, I don't like this!"
"MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I'm back!"
"AH, IT'S THE MANE-IAC!"
"Oh, well, well, well, if it isn't Spike, or should I say...Humdrum?"
"Whuh? How did you..."
"Your voice! Now, come here you!"
"What do you want from me?"
She then started looking at him with bedroom eyes.
"To marry you!"
"WHAT!?"
"The final issue of the Power Ponies?"
"Oh yeah, in the end, after you helped us defeat Shadow Falcon, *gulp*, Mane-iac decided to stop being evil, then Humdrum and Mane-iac, got married!"
"Right, now come my darling, I shall round-up all of your friends so they can witness us get married!"
So, The Mane 6, Shogun Deezutra, the CMC, Mecha Rainbow Dash, Blueberry Hill, Your pet mouse, The Mayor, A fish, Soundspeed (I'm a fan of his reaction videos!), ACRacebest, Lightning Mcqueen, The AVGN, Nostalgia Critic, you, and a bunch of others, why is Garble here, oh yeah, he heard there was cake and decided to just be there for the cake! So, they all watched Spike and the Mane-iac all get married against their will!
"That was a rather fast story, but hopefully, the next story will be more interesting! Next Letter if you'd please."
Author's Note
Blueberry Hill was the name of this girl from a joke my sister told me once! Alright, so this is how the joke went, this one boy entered class naked, and the teacher asked why he was late! he said he was on Blueberry Hill. Then another boy came in and the teacher asked him the same thing and he said he too was on Blueberry Hill. Then once again, a 3rd naked boy says he was on Blueberry Hill as well, finally, a naked girl comes in, the teacher asks her what her name is & she says that her name is Blueberry Hill!
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Ch.10.5: Short Intermission.
"Princess, The author has sent us a letter."
"Really? Let me read it? ...It says here that the next 5 chapters will feature humanized cougars. Oh boy, I'm worried now." Then she got up from her seat.
"Princess, where are you going?" Asked Shogun Deezutra with great concern.
"Don't worry about me loyal subject, I just need some time alone."
As Luna walked by herself on a full moon in Canterlot, she did some very intense thinking wondering if she should continue to host the story. Then, after getting some encouragin words from 2 elementary aged twins. She knew what she had to do. She flew through the night sky telling all of the kids & teenagers to come with her to Canterlot Castle. Wait, is she really gonna tell children 5 stories about cougars? Well, maybe they'll think she means the wild cat. So she returns to Princess Celestia's private study.
"Thank goodness your back Luna, but what are all thes youths doing here?"
"To hear the 2nd half of this story, so have someone bring snacks, sodas, and blankets for it'll be a long night!"
"Yes ma'm!"
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.2: I Really Hate My Sister!
Ch 20: Dinky-Dinky Doooooooo!
"And the final leading lady for this final chapter for this story is...Dinky Doo!"
Dinky Doo, the daughter of Ditzy Doo/Derpy Hooves awoke in her bed room and next to her was her husband Spike. A long time ago, Derpy Hooves left with the Dr. after Dinky turned 22. Sadly, Dinky was incapable of watching herself. She couldn't cook, finding a job was difficult, and stallions kept on hitting on her! She felt like it was the end, like she was doomed...but then a glimmer of hope that shined like emeralds stepped in. Spike walked up to her when he saw her looking so depressed at the Hay Burger. He asked what was wrong. She explained her pain, and Spike rescued her. Dinky put Spike at the top of her list of nicest people after that and once they got married, Dinky's life improved. Stallions backed off, she found a job, Spike taught her how to cook, and eventually, they had kids. She was sad her mom and dad weren't there, but if they were, then she knows they'd smile! At least her sisters Dipsy, Muffin, and Amethyst Star attended the life changing wedding. Look back at Season 2 Dipsy & Muffin are background characters! She caressed her savior's cheek. She kissed his forehead, causing him to awake.
"Good morning Spike."
"Good morning Dinky."
"What do you want to do today? We both have the day off."
"Well, I heard it was a certain hero's birthday today."
"Hmph, I love you Dinky."
"Me too Spike, you saved me from danger & changed my life! Days like this make me happy that you're with me."
"I know, you remind me whenever it's our B-days, anniversaries,or Linky Spine's Birthday."
"I do don't I?"
Then Spike wrapped his arms around her.
"I'm happy that you do that. It's your words that made me keep on going whenever I'm worried this marriage wouldn't work out! I'm not just you're hero, you...are my hero Dinky Doo."
"Aww Spiiike!"
Then they embraced eachother tightly, but then had to stop hugging when their daughter came in.
"Mom, Dad, Uncle Deezutra is here and he's demanding breakfast!"
*Sigh!*
"Fine, I'll make him breakfast. Love you my dear!"
"Love you too honey."
"Eck! Old people love!"
"So very heartwarming, thank you for reading this story, now I must go & wipe my tears."