Mischmasch

Chapters

You've Got Mail
Mythology
What Lurks Beneath
Expediters
The Hunger
The Guntoter's Tale
Enters a Knight
Disciples of a Mad God
Vice & Virtue, At Your Service
Rolling High in the Slums Tonight
Getting the Bullet
Pulling the Trigger
Oddjob Gets a Job
Prosperous Cheaters
Fury of the King
Falling Skies
Showdown at Los Pegasus
Ain't That a Kick in the Head
Blood and Damnation
Plans of Escape
A Chaos Theory
I Am Who I Am
The Seizing of Canterlot
Disharmony Abound
My Comrades, My Kin
A Battle in Canterlot Castle, Part Two
A Battle in Canterlot Castle, Part Three
A Knight's Duty
The Jabberwocky Sleeps
Epilogue
A Game of Chance
A Battle in Canterlot Castle, Part One
--Sequel--

You've Got Mail

I was doing what I normally did every Friday night, a ritual I had come to enjoy ever since discovering My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, stay up till God knows when, watching a livestream on my laptop of one of those graciously never-ending mare-a-thons, trying to keep myself awake for the wonders this cartoon brought, and for the new episode awaiting me the next day. Unfortunately, I would always zero out around the midway point in the dark of early morn, only to find myself sleeping long past the time the fresh new entertainment had already aired. I would always be dissapointed with myself that I didn't have the energy to stay awake, despite the fact that I as a mere human did require sleep from time to time, and that I could find it on youtube only an hour later. This particular Friday, however, seemed different. It was only a smidge past midnight, and I was still up and about as if the day of long, minimum-wage labor before had not tired me out at all. I clicked about on the screen, multi-tasking between tabs of watching the livestreamed episode on a blurry box, chatting with a couple other of my late night shut-in buddies, and generally dicking about the internet. A loud ding from my email tab interrupted me just as I was about to insert a seemingly witty (to myself, anyway) comment about a unicorn's horn and a penis joke. I clicked over to the tab to find only one new message awaiting me in the inbox, the title only four underlined question marks, the sender unknown, and a bright red urgent icon beside it. Normally, I would be wary of such a thing. How did spam mail with a blank sender get past the junk filter I had up? Goes to show just how reliable technology was these days. Cautiously, I hovered the mouse over the question marks for a brief minute before clicking on it, the contents of the message loading onto my screen in a flash.

I expected a virus to invade my computer and deal untold amounts of digital death to my files, but no such thing happened, fortunately. My eyes spotted only a small paragraph followed by three links below it. Leaning on my elbow against the desk, I began reading.

"Imagine if you would, a perfect world, free of all of life's little sins and sufferings. Now imagine that you're living in this world now, totally free of any obligation or consequence of the reality you left behind. Would you take the chance to enter this perfect world? Click yes, or no, at the bottom of this page. Rules and restrictions do apply, only citizens within the boundaries of earth are eligible."

My sight went to the three links located at the bottom, a bold and flashing Yes and No side by side for my decision, while the third link was simple small text half the size of the above, only linking to Rules/Regulations/FAQ/Contact me.

Lazily I clicked on the third link, another window popping up in it's diminished square box size, taking much longer than needed to load. After staring at the blank white screen, I maximized it, only for a massive wall of text to appear on screen and slow down my laptop's processing. I gawked at how long the it was, I scrolled down for at least several minutes, and the bar on the side had barely gone down an inch. Whirring back up to the top, I had to at least read the first bit, just to be sure of this strange email.

"Hello! To whomever this may concern, congratulations for receiving this notification! It means you are qualified for one free trip! Not just any trip, but one to a far away land of exotic wonders and mysteries. And yes, we are quite serious, this land is perfect in it's own sense, nothing like the world you know now. Feel free to explore at your pace, speak with some of the locals, and encounter many rare and dangerous beasts! And did we mention, it's entirely free!"

Gagging inwardly at the salesman pitch, I scrolled down a tad more to catch a glimpse at the rules.

1. No refunds! All choices are final.

Only one trip per customer.
All complaints and concerns can be taken up with the sender of this email. Whenever he's in, that is.
Nopo-, Person, may actually complain about the trip.
All complainers will be banished or something.
Except for those with chocolate milk or a good sense of humor.
Scratch that. Maybe just the chocolate milk.

As I went further and further down, the rules became more and more absurd, as if the sender was making fun of the fact that they were trying to convince me to agree to the ridiculous letter.

About midway through the wall, I came upon a small link labeled contact me. I clicked on it, expecting another page for me to reply to the real sender of the email, only for a gif to pop up on screen. I let a wry smile appear on my face as an image of Discord dancing took up my screen. Obviously, whoever this sender was, they knew I was a brony, and was possibly a pal of mine. Or maybe they were just a troll, or a combination of the two.

With a blatant expression on my face, I leaned back in my chair, gazing up at the dingy ceiling fan spinning rapidly overhead, creating a cacophony of swinging metal and angry dust motes flying everywhere. It wasn't the first time I had received an odd message such as this. One wanted to know if I wished to experience true love, another asking if I wanted to aid them in retrieving funds from their banking account in some unknown country. Normally, I would simply delete the annoying fodder clogging up my inbox, but this one intrigued me somehow. It was simple, it didn't show any signs of threat or harm, and it even offered me the choice of refusal. Returning to hunching over my laptop, I shrugged."Eh, hell with it."I mumbled to myself as I slowly clicked on the yes button, holding it there for a good five seconds before releasing. What was the worst that could happen, my laptop immediately shuts down and never boots back up again? Or maybe an endless loop of the nyan cat would haunt my screen?

Oh how I wished that were true.

The instance after finishing my click, my screen flickered from black to a dim version of the email page. I tilted my head in perplexment. There wasn't a storm outside or power outage, as everything else in my room electrical was still functioning perfectly. Hovering my hands over the keyboard to try and solve the problem, in a quick flash, sparks of almost translucent electricity began playing around my laptop from source unknown. Slowly, the sparks began dancing along my keys, jumping between letters and numbers haphazardly before eventually leaping onto my hands, leaving a slight tingling sensation to play across my senses. At first, it was quite pleasant, until the energy began to intensify, increasing the flickering of my screen and the exposure to my skin. I tried to stifle a shout as the tingling became insanely hot and numbing. ohholyfrigginshiz this HURTS I screamed in my head as the current began to grow across my arms to eventually invade the rest of my whole. I was jerked to my feet by an invisible push that seemed to be working in tandem with the electricity, sending me into violent spasms that sent my arms involuntarily flailing to hit the dust-gathering trinkets on my desk, creating more so of a mess of what my room had already been. I fell to the ground along with several other items from my spastic actions, dozens of pens and a lamp landing with me in a torrent beside my ears. The pain from before was becoming something of a familiar sensation now, only spiking up in random areas over my body. I still had no control of my actions, so there I lay on the floor, looking like somebody with a seizure, trying to call for help but with no actual motor functions functioning as they should.

Slowly, the energy was trickling it's way into my head. A sharp pitch of air left my lips as dancing blue began to drill into my vision, giving way to fading darkness just as quickly. With last moments of consciousness upon me, I looked up at my laptop that had fallen into a horizontal angle on my desk, cracks forming along the screen, angry sparks flying where the glass had broken. Right before I blacked out into the drears of forced sleep, I could swear there was something moving on my screen past the cracks and images and words. But, the image eluded me as the darkness took away the last bit of light in my vision and shut down my systems. Only then did the pain stop.

"Hello-o, you still kicking, sleepy head?"

I groaned in reply, rolling to one side, scrunching up my face as soreness overcame the muscles in my stomach, urging me to continue resting to restore them back to their proper form. I just wanted to sleep for a bit longer...

"Come on now, boy, get up! Can't let Celestia's pretty day go wasted, now can we?"

"Let me sleep a bit longer, Mum..."I said half-dazed, betwixt the realm of dreams and waking.

The voice that cracked the darkness keeping me asleep suddenly became a mocking, high-pitched feminine tone."But you'll be late for school, deary! Don't want you missing the bus and failing that big math test you have today! And I even packed you a bag lunch with all your favorites!"

"Fig newtons?"I grumbled, steadily raising myself up and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. My entire body felt heavy as lead, and a constant dull pounding in the back of my head didn't make me feel any better. Who hit me last night, Rocky Balboa?

The voice switched back to it's more male-emphasized tone, suave and and almost self-righteous in it's words with a hint of sarcasm on the fringe."Yes, fig newtons."The voice deadpanned."Now get up, we need to talk."

With a sigh I stood up, eyes half open, only to stumble and fall flat on my face."You'll get used to the new legs eventually."The voice said. I titled my head up and slowly creaked my eyes open, fresh and dazzling sunlight awaiting my pupils, a tall and gaunt figure of a peculiarly shaped outline standing before me."Who're you?"I muttered as I gave another try at keeping myself steady. I half succeeded rising to my feet, only swaying about as if I was drunk. With my senses renewed, I began to take account of my surroundings. Obviously, I was dreaming, seeing as how I wasn't in my room anymore, given the landscape I now found myself in. The land was of western desert terrain with very little plantlife going on, save for a cactus or a dead brush spotting the landscape here and there. Rocky canyons outlined the horizon, and a blazing yellow sun gleamed overhead, but oddly enough, I did not feel thedry heat that should accompany such an area.

"Oh, you know,"My attention returned to the owner of the voice, the tall figure. As he stepped into view, his shadowy form dissipating, one of my eyebrows went up in wonder and the other down to question."Just the spirit of chaos itself, Lord and Master of all things ridiculous and unpleasant, Discord."The amalgamation of the animal kingdom and infamous antagonist of MLP:FiM approached me with a calm yet somewhat smarmy expression upon his face.

I was definitely dreaming. Albeit a pony-induced dream, but an awesome one at that. Maybe falling asleep, or unconscious, during an episode isn't so bad after all?

"Err...hello there...Discord."I raised my right hand to wave my fingers at him, only to find that they felt incredibly stiff, and that they clacked when they touched one another. I looked at my hand, only to find that it wasn't a hand anymore, it was a yellow palm with claws, almost avian related in appearance."You're finally beginning to notice, good! I thought I picked a daft one for a moment there."In the blink of an eye, Discord's form was no longer in front of me, rather replacing the thin air that had once been beside me, wrapping his own eagle's claw of a left arm around my neck, as if I was a good buddy to pow around with. Suffice to say, it felt awesome to have so interesting a character standing beside you, and terrifying given the fact that said character could transform you into a plant if he so wished. But this was my dream, so he couldn't hurt me, right?

"Wro-o-ong."Discord drawled out as he lazily began flicking my snout with his own claw. Wait, snout?! I didn't know whether to freak out at the fact that he could read my mind, or that I had a friggin' snout protruding from my face now.

The draconequus slithered through the air and waved his arm downwards in a dramatic flourish, a mirror appearing where nothing had been seconds earlier."Take a good look at yourself, let it all soak in."He cackled."We have about..."A pocket watch poofed into his lion's paw."Oh...thirty minutes to chat, I suppose? I'll have to rearrange my schedule...the lads down at the meeting won't be too happy about it though."

I gazed at a creature so peculiar, it could only exist in a cartoon, which apparently I was performing right now. Wherever I moved, the monster in the mirror followed. Whatever I did, it imitated. It only took seconds to sink in that the creature was me. My body remained lanky and lean, almost serpent like in construction, similar to Discord's. My face and neck was that of a dragon's, light blue scales replacing where human flesh had once been. As I leaned in for a closer examination, I began noticing the finer details. Three spikes jutted out from under my eyes, which were heterochromatic in the strangest of senses. My right eye, wide and bright, almost anime-like given the show's style, was of a stormy grey. My left, pinkish-red within the iris, the lighter side of the spectrum taking up the color. There's goes what remained of my man points, I had a pink eye now. Running down the back of my neck, large spines jutted out in a curving fashion, alternating between red, black, and a darker blue in colors. Where my elongated neck ended to meet torso, a feathered chest greeted me. Who was I, freakin' Scootaloo? My chest, along with stomach and a portion of my right arm, resembled a chicken's body. That explained my new bird-like right limb. Switching over to my left arm, I found it to be extremely heavy, and I struggled slightly to raise it. It was a bear's paw, thick brown fur covering thick and taunt muscles rippling underneath. I testily flexed it, surprised to see claws pop in and out of the four stubby digits at the end of the paw. I had a seriously mean left hook now. To end my evaluation of my new self, I examined my lower half, the two legs different as well. My left was that of a kangaroo's, the slender limb covered in a rustic reddish brown coat, the right the only pony part of me, a almost purplish-red color going down to the black hoof where my human foot should have been. Doing a 360 turn, I had a tail, a fucking tail that protruded right above my bum, matching my head in scale color and sharp, pointed ridges running down it.

I switched between looking at Discord, who was casually transforming nearby creatures unlucky enough to catch his eye into kitchen ware, and the curious being that was now me."What...what happened to me?!"I cracked out, a tad surprised to see an intimidating row of bristling fangs underneath my lips.

With me finally speaking, Discord hovered back over to me, a wide grin on his face."Isn't it glorious? I recreated you in my own image! You'll be the toast of the town, the talk of the block! The..."He paused for a moment, his ruby eyes locking onto something into the distance."Quick, give me something else witty to say."

Off in the distance, exactly in the far off spot where he was looking, a copy of Discord appear, exact in appearance and personality to him."The pony everypony should know!"The replica cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled the answer.

The Discord nearer to me shook his head."Naw!"He called back."That song's too played out! And he's only part pony anyways!"

"Oh well,"Discord numero dos shrugged.

"It's fine!"Number one replied."I'll catch you later at the after party, okay?"

"I'll be sure to save you some cake!"

"Thanks me!"

"You're welcome me!"

I shook my head in disbelief, my new found spines swaying with the movement, acting more like hair than stiff bristles. This would be very entertaining if I wasn't so confused at the moment."This is definitely the weirdest dream I ever had..."

Discord turned to look at me, his eyes lowering into an annoyed expression. He snapped his fingers, and a painful memory erupted upon my flesh, or fur...or feathers, or combination of the three. The dreaded blue sparks danced lightly upon me for a brief instant, jolting my senses."You felt that, right?"

"I nodded slowly, rubbing the spot on my forearm where I had just been electrocuted.

"Then, through the process of logical reasoning,"He gagged at the words, the very antithesis of his whole being."You are awake, as you can only truly feel something when awake. When you're asleep, it would have only emulated the sense."

Another slow nod from me as it dawned that this was no dream.

"Good!"His mood immediately perked back up."Now that we've established that you're awake, let's move onto the reason of why you're here, shall we?"

For the third time, a third nod.

"I have absolutely no idea why!"He chuckled, snapping his fingers, a glass of his signature chocolate milk flowing into existence to hover in a glass beside him."Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Where are my manners? Would you like some?"

"Yes....please?"

A second glass popped into my hand, the brown liquid flowing into it until it reached the brim. I raised it and took a dainty sip, expecting it to explode in my face at any minute. Objects did tend to randomly combust when around the spirit of disharmony himself. Finding that there was nothing imminently dangerous about the drink, I chugged it down, smiling as the cold drink did quench the unnoticed dryness in the back of my throat."So...you don't know how I got here?"I said as Discord finished drinking his own, crumpling the glass in his hand like it was paper and tossing it into a trash bin that appeared a distance away.

"Didn't you listen, boy? I said why, not how. I know exactly how you got here, I brought you in myself."He grinned toothily."Remember the email that you loftily agreed to?"

That explained the shuffling pic of him.

"And now,"He sweeped his arms about in a grand gesture."You're not in Kansas anymore, boy."

I blinked my wide eyes slowly."I'm not from Kansas."

"Funny, I like that in a person...or whatever you are now."He leaned in close so I could gaze into his yellow and red orbs, deep and twisting in their madness underlying the pupils."You're in Equestria, boy."

"I kinda figured that..."

His face dropped into that of annoyance one more."You're just ruining the whole thing! I tried to make it all dramatic and enticing, and then you had to go and say that."He backed away from me, facepawing with a sigh."Sweet Celestia, I think I did pick a dull one."

"But...you just said that you didn't know why I'm here."

"That's the whole point!"He continued speaking from his face deep in the paw."I could've brought you here to fufill you're twistedly sick 'brony' fantasies, or I could've brought you just to pick up that rock."He pointed at a small pebble by my hoof. I picked it up and examined it casually before tossing it away."Nope, wasn't that..."The hybrid shrugged, switching between emotions on the fly."Eh, doesn't reall matter. The reason for bringing you here doesn't have to truly exist..."He appeared in a flash beside me once more."Making sense is incredibly boring, after all." Another flash and he was in front of me."You're in Equestria now, kid, a perfect land populated by sickeningly sweet ponies,"A look of distaste came across his face."...And dangerous monsters of mythology."A mischievous grin replaced the frown from before.

A smile of my own began to crawl across my face."I'm in Equestria."I laughed.

"Yes, we've established that."

"With ponies!"

"Not the brightest bulb, are you?"

"And Celestia, and Luna, and Applejack-!"As I prattled on, Discord took to swimming through the air as if it were water, hovering above the ground on his back, kicking his legs every now and again to keep himself moving."And Diamond Dogs, and Zebras, and Parasprites,"I was absolutely giddy in my fanboy moment, ready to burst out of my skin with joy. Mother. Fucking. *EQUESTRIA.***

Discord had floated over to me. He tapped his claws together, a small spark jumping between the appendages before he tapped him, sending another course of electricity to shoot through me, seemingly his favorite form of hurting me."Now, am I going to have to continue the shock therapy?"He asked monotonously. With most of my excitement gone from the pain, I shook my head."Nope..."I mouthed.

"Good!"He flipped over, landing on his feet nimbly. With several snaps, a large desk you would find in a principal's office appeared, along with a student's own desk. Sitting himself comfortably into a swivel chair, Discord motioned for me to have a plop down in the small chair. I grudgingly agreed, forcing my larger frame to squeeze into the tiny space the seat allowed."Now, since you're here,"A chart appeared beside him, and he rolled it down."We're going to have to lay some ground rules for this arrangement I've made. You did read the rules and regulations I sent with the email, yes?"

"....Yes?"I said absentmindedly, hardly remembering anything of the long text block.

"Good! Along with those, we're going to settle three basics for your pleasurable trip to this pamby little land. Rule Number One,"He pressed his palms together then spread them apart, a yardstick growing between them. He tapped it sharply against the chart, words appearing where it touched."You can't tell anypony that I brought you here. I want to keep my glorious return a secret...for now. Still in the planning stages."He let out a menacing laugh that I tried to ignore. Despite his childish antics and cartoonish humor, I had forgotten one important thing: Discord was a god. A crazed, insane god that would try with all of his nigh-omnipotent power to plunge Equestria and any other land of this new universe I found myself in into neverending gloom and chaos. I shivered slightly and gulped. Maybe having a brony's dream fufilled wasn't so good after all.

"Rule Numbah one plus one,"Another tap interrupted my thoughts."We can't have you going around with your old name. Your human titles are so...boring!"

"Alright..."I tapped my chin with my bear paw, slowly becoming accustomed to it's great weight."How about-"

"No."

"You didn't even let me fi-"

"Nopers."

"Come on-"

"Can't let you just go choosing your own name. It'd probably be...how would you...'internet' users say it? Mary Sue-ish...or something."

"Fine."I crossed my patchwork arms."You pick it."

He stroked his goatee in a contemplative fashion before perking up."Dismay."He grinned almost maliciously.

"Very...villainesque."I played with the name in my head. Dismay...it didn't sound right. I looked the part of a draconequus, but I doubt I had any of Discord's power to screw over the laws of reality. Given the fact that I wasn't really the most evil person in the world, the word rang daftly in my ears. Dismay. I didn't like it.

"I'm so glad you agree!"

I rolled my eyes."Whatever you say."

"And finally,"A third tap to the chart at the bottom."Rule troi: You're never going home. Nada, zilch, zippo chance of any return to the place you once knew. And with that,"He snapped his fingers, every item for his classroom session dissapearing in a flash.

"So...it's a one way trip?"

"Pretty much. Unless you can convince me otherwise..."

I shrugged, feeling almost bittersweet at the fact. I would forever leave my old life behind. It sounded...selfish at first. My family, my friends, all left. But I had unknowingly spiraled my entire world into a new direction, and I would have to deal with it now.

"Okay then, our little time together is over. Any questions?"

I slowly raised my hand."Dismay has one."

He looked around, not even noticing me, even though I was practically the only other living being in sight for miles."None? Good!"The draconequus zoomed high into the air in a spinning motion, giggling maniacally the entire time, his body shrinking with every rapid rotation, eventually dissapearing all together."Enjoy your stay, courtesy of Discord airlines!"His voice echoed through the arid landscape, only to fade away quietly, leaving me alone in the middle of scenic nowhere.

I stood there silently for a moment, looking about, trying to sum up a solution to my situation."You could've at least left me a map or something!"I called up to the sky, and I swore I could hear his laughter whispering back on the wind.

Walking with this new body was...unique, to say the least. Every last inch of me felt different, unconnected to any other part, only held together by a tugging force I only assumed was Discord's magic. When I swung my arms with the same applied force, my left barely moved, but my right would whiz through the air as a golden blur. Something fun I found in my neck was that I could twist it in ways impossible, bending it in almost every direction. My legs were the only part of my new me that I didn't have too much to complain about, they felt about the same, and I was getting decent at balancing myself on a flat hoof and a paw. The one part I absolutely hated though, was the tail. I felt that I could control it, but the new muscles connecting it to the bottom of my spine thought otherwise. It would swish this way and that, ignoring my thoughts of staying still, even tripping me on occasion.

With a sigh, I looked up, the sun still steadfast overhead, the same position it was in when I began walking almost an hour ago. I blew another sigh, and found it strange for my tongue to flick out with my breath. Stopping in my tracks, I blew out another smaller, lighter breath, the pink, now forked tongue shooting out, only for me to leave it sticking. I could taste the air and the objects around me. Of course, the desert itself lacked any flavor, only dryness and sand. Withdrawing my tongue, I gagged in disgust as I forced down my newfound sense of taste.

Another fact I learned from my short time in the land of ponies, Discord did make me like him, but from my earlier assumption, I had a lack of powers. I tried this my focusing in a nearby rock, staring at it with all of my might, willing it to become a juicy hamburger, only accomplishing making myself look idiotic and bringing back the throbbing headache to a dull level. Did he leave me with anything to defend myself with other than this clumsy body? From what I could gather from the canon series and man fan works, Equestria was very peaceful and fun, but there were dark corners nopony, or person like me, should tread. I gulped at the thought that I should ever find myself wandering into a place with any monsters of the series. Forcing away an image of a manticore pouncing on me, I trekked onwards.

Two hours in, and I had only made a small margin of progress. Wherever I looked, the landscape remained the same, dry and flat with shimmers of heat floating off into the sky. The only change was a large canyon stretching out, evidence of the rockies I had noticed earlier. I gazed over the side, only to observe a large wave of heat to distort my perception of how far down it was, i could only make out a small distinct blot amongst the dusty orange ground. With the sudden heat in my face, I blinked once, twice, and only noticed something else, I blinked sideways. A second eyelid that went horizontal across my pupil."...Sweet."I muttered to myself, still rubbing the heat from the face, backing up from the edge, only to remember one thing: I still had no mastery over the balance of my new body. So, instead of safely moving in reverse a few foot, I tumbled forward, effectively sending myself on a great big and painful tumblefuck down the side of a steep cliff.

With every hit against rock down my tumbling vision, my body crunched solidly and forcefully, making me screw every muscle over in agony until I crashed to the ground, landing with a sickening splat and moans of pain erupting from my mouth."Sweet motha-"I paused as pairs of feet, or hooves for that matter, began to gather round me. A mass of whispers and murmers entered my ears, but I could do nothing to reply to them, pain searing through me at a violent pace.

"Now calm down everypony!"A male voice cut a swathe through the crowd, silencing them. A body approached me closely, and poked me tenderly, the slight touch sending a wave of fresh unpleasantness to wrack my body. A loud, almost animalistic roar escaped my mouth, surprising both myself and the crowd with it's ferocity. Another moment of noise, only for the commanding voice to restore order."Be quiet y'all! The darned thing is obviously hurt! Whatever it is...a dragon Ah think."

The form drew closer, lifting my head up with it's foreleg, forcing me to grimace."You alright there, pardner?"

"Does it look like it...?"I groaned, staring up at his face, still blurry through the haze of pain covering my eyes.

"Not at all, pardner."He shook his head."We'll git you patched up right quick."He whistled, and two more bodies joined him. They flanked me on both sides, slowly lifting me up on their backs. I couldn't tell where they were taking me, but at least my self-induced stupidity would be fixed soon.

"By the way, what's yer name, dragon?"The more familiar voice said, trotting alongside me.

I was about to say the title Discord had given me, but paused mid phrase. Yes, I was grateful to the deity for bringing me here, but I still felt his words were lacking of my new form."Oddjob."I finally replied.

"Well, Oddjob,"The voice said, the shadowy haze about it slowly lifting, revealing a light brown stallion with a prominent dark mustache adorning his face, a cowboy's hat tipped lightly on his head to block out the fierce sun, a bright, golden star settled on his chest."Welcome ter Appleloosa."

Mythology

"So, what's a..."The Sheriff looked me over from scaly head to horsed hoof, his eyebrows furrowed into a questioning expression."Whatever yer are doing in these here parts? Don't get much visitors ta Appleloosa these days. 'Specially one as peculiar as yerself."

"...I don't know."I replied, attempting a shrug, only to cringe at the sharpness piercing into my muscles."Just kinda...dropped in."Oh how I regret such a terrible joke escaping my mouth.

The Sheriff only casually nodded with a grunt and returned to leading the two ponies carrying me. As we passed through the town, I couldn't help but twist my neck around in preposterous angles to get a good view of my surroundings. Just like in the cartoon, we passed some of the locales mentioned by Braeburn and a few others. Buildings constructed of wood standing a good two stories tall were the dominant ones of the small town, while I spotted some homes in which young foals scurried into at the sight of me. A sheriff's office stood off to a bank across from it, and what I guessed was a church stood alone at the edge of town, looking like a quickly-hashed together sanctuary complete with even a bell tower. I thought Celestia was their god? I'd have to look deeper into it later, for we came upon the destination the sheriff had set, a square, wooden building as all the others, but painted a bright white, with a large red cross and sign painted across the front. Holy Toledo Hospital it read. Right before being carried in, I twisted my neck a 180 around to smile at the residence who had stopped short to stare at me. I thought my grin to be friendly enough, only for them to dash away at the sight of me. Maybe it was the fangs?

Inside, the powerful smell of any hospital greeted me, an unnerving combination of stark cleanliness and medicine. I never liked hospitals, or doctors for that matter. Sure, they tell you that it's not going to hurt, they even give you promises of sweet, tantalizing lollipops, and just as your tears dry up and you begin to trust that smiling gentleman in rubber gloves and a white labcoat, BAM! Needle to the arm! Then you start crying all fucking over again, and then your mom gets mad at you for being so loud, so the car ride home is in awkward silence save for your stifled sobs, and you NEVER get that lollipop!

...Or maybe that's just me.

The Sheriff approached a receptionist desk and knocked his foreleg against the top of it, to which a voice from a room in the back replied."Just one moment!"

He waited barely three seconds before knocking again.

"I'm coming!"The voice sounded nasally, and almost a hint of nervousness bordering the words."Sweet Celestia...how much can one pony bleed?!"The voice screeched before the sound of something squishy and wet hitting wall followed after."Don't you die on me!"

I exchanged a glance with the sheriff at those words, who seemed entirely unfazed by the ruckus going on in the background."I'm guessing to whoever that voice belongs to is going to treat me?"I asked.

"Eeyup."

I gulped.

After much more disturbingly squishy sounds, and to great relief of my nauseous stomach, a bespectacled light green unicorn popped his head out from one of the rooms and grinned widely at us."Sheriff, good to see you!"He said, trotting to behind the desk, and to my horror, his scrubs were covered in blood.

"Afternoon, Doc Patches."The Sheriff tipped his hat."We got you 'nother patient. Don't suppose you can spare a room fer the critter?"He motioned at me with his head. The doctor's eyes followed and gazed at me, flickering between fear and wonder."Y-yes, there's an empty one i-i-in the back. I...I'm sure we can arrange something for...."

"Oddjob."I said.

"Odd...job?"He mimed my words slowly.

"Oddjob."I repeated."It's my name."

"Oddjob..."Doc Patches rolled the word around on his tongue, walking around the desk and down a hallway, to which the rest of us followed. It was a small hospital, and from what I could gather, had an influx of patients. Every room we passed had at least six ponies all aligned against the wall in beds, each one different in ailment. Some were simply sporting bandages or casts on their legs, while others were painfully hooked up to machines that were equipped with IV tubes and respirators, either blissfully asleep, probably due to anesthetics, or their faces contorted in anguish due to their afflictions. What was going on in the seemingly innocent cartoon I loved? I went back in memory to Discord's letter and shook my head in disapproval, this was not a perfect world from what I could see so far.

Into the farthest room back we went, empty save for a window to gaze out at the desert landscape, a small bed with an equally diminutive bedside table, and a bookshelf opposite of it. I was plopped down roughly onto the bed, to which a hard mattress and cold sheets greeted me."Thanks lads."I smiled at the two ponies who had carried me, to which their reply was a cold gaze and a huff out of the room."Lose some weight..."I heard their retreating voices down the hall."His spikes jabbed me!"

"Alrighty!"The Doc's enthusiastic voice cut past their complaints as he took to my bedside."Let's see what the diagnosis is for this poor creature..."He quickly turned to look at the Sheriff then to me."Just to let you know, I'm not the best at treating another species other than ponies..."He laughed nervously.

"Eh,"I shrugged. I'll take what I could get to undo my stupidity so shortly into this new world.

With my approval, he poked and prodded almost every last inch of me, occasionally stopping to magically jot down my varying reactions to the pain on a clipboard he kept telekinetically hovering nearby.

"A few scrapes here and there, nothing serious about those besides..."He lifted up my bear arm."Err....this is natural for you, correct?"He pointed a hoof at a small trickling stream of green on my bicep."What?"I shrugged."It's just green blood."

waitaminute holyshit I have GREEN BLOOD?!

I did a double take as I watched with wide eyes at the wound that had scraped away some fur, and instead of a usual angry red greeting me as with any other damage of it's kind, sticky green took it's place. From my reaction, the Doc wrote down more notes, the rapid scritch-scratch of his pen against paper resounding in my ears."I take it that's not usual for you..."He stated."Anyways, onto the more pressing matters. You have various bruises and some nasty swelling running down your back, and let's not forget this,"He lifted up my kangaroo leg despite cries coming from me, the paw twisted at a awkward angle, a point of bone threatening to puncture the skin and pop out, pain shooting up my leg only to dissipate to lesser degrees into my torso."What did you do to yourself, Oddjob?"

"The idjit fell down a mountain an nearly scared the town ta death."The Sheriff said, examining the bookcase and it's content with an indifferent face.

"One of the canyons nearby?"Doc Patches raised a curious eye."Those are sheer cliffs of stone, easily 8 kilometers high! Any drop from there would kill a regular pony!"

"I'm not a pony."I grinned despite the waves of oncoming pain.

"True...v-very true."He began walking towards the doorway."I'll be back with some supplies to treat you....in oh, say an hour? I do have other patients to see to. In the meantime, make yourself comfortable."

A silence came upon the room with his leave, a heavy, almost physical silence one could touch but not shatter. I uncomfortably rolled around in the bed, curling up as I was nearly twice the length of it. The Sheriff simply took to gathering a few books in hoof and setting them on the table. With a tip of his hat and a nod, he left without a word.

I picked up the pile and flipped between them. One was a Daring Do novel, the orange mare upon the cover staring up at an intimidating, towering figure with her trusty whip readied in her mouth. I grinned and set that one aside. Definitely going to read that later. The second didn't really catch my eye as much as the first. Basically, it was a medical journal, the anatomy and physiology of ponies within it's pages. I tossed that one into the air, and with as much concentration as I could, just barely snatched it midair with my tail, my newfound appendage finally cooperating with me. I reached across the way and set the book back in the shelf, almost giggling at the fact that my tail worked almost like a finger. A long finger that was rippling with scales and spikes.

Upon the last book, I was intrigued. It was leatherbound, tattered, and very old. I blew off the coat of dust it wore and carefully opened it, it's yellowed pages crinkling with age as it's newest reader delved into them.

Monsters of Equestria and How to Deal With Them

By Sir Gallant Heart the Brave

Greetings, dear reader!

If you happened upon this old tome, then you must be in need of knowledge on how to thrash that pesky troll living under your bridge, or maybe you wish to expel a pestilence of parasprites from your village before a certain pony of royalty arrives? Then look no further! Within these hallowed pages, I, Sir Gallant Heart the Brave, Princess Celestia's most illustrious and accomplished knight, Slayer of Evil, and overall dashing hero, shall guide you through every beast that roams Equestria's boundaries, teach you of their dastardly ways, and best of all, how to kill them!

I thumbed quickly through the author's introductory pages, never read those much anyways, and skipped straight to the meat of the book. Apparently, this Gallant Heart guy was the Saint George of ponies, going about this way and that across the kingdom, killing anything that made a growl at him or went bump in the night. Naturally, the preservationist douchebag hippie side of me took over. I wouldn't say that all monsters were entirely evil, since I was only a few hours old in this world, it just seemed to me that this guy just liked to swing his sword around, bathe in fleeting glory, and wonder whether the beasties were a threat or not later, if he ever did."Parasprites...Manticores...Cyclopes..."I mumbled to myself, going through dozens of creatures that filled the yellowed pages, several appearing in the show, while others seemed like they would fit into the canon naturally. After nearing the midsection of the guide, I paused on one page, a pencil illustration of our favorite chaos bringer gracing it, followed by several neat paragraphs about him.

The Draconequus

Very little is known of such a creature, how it's origin came to be, what limit to it's chaotic powers it truly possesses, and why it's an overall bloody nuisance. The only known draconequus in recorded history is the dreaded Discord, a powerful and evil entity that once controlled Equestria for nearly a hundred years before our salvation came in the form of our sovereign Princesses. To this very letter, as I interview Princess Celestia herself, she seemed to happen a large knowledge of the monster, but would only relay small tidbits of information to me, her most prestigious and loyal knight. When I pressed her for more, she only replied with this chilling message, turning and smiling at me in that glorious way she always graced us with, but a sad, almost tired light flickering in her eyes."There are just some things too terrible for anypony to know, Sir Gallant. Just remember this, a true monster is not bred from evil, but from what good leaves behind."

Truer words have never been said, dear Princess.

He went onto explaining some facts about Discord learned from the Day Alicorn.

-A trickster god in the most common of sense, able to bend the fabric of reality to his will easily, manipulating the environment and living beings alike.

-Shows signs of superior intellect, and is not above using it in a chessmaster like manner.

-Despite this, grows volatile if things do not go as planned. Be ever cautious when around him during such a fit. Seems to possess an incredible amount of raw strength, possibly due to the combination of animals making him up, i.e. the sum of a lion's courage, a dragon's rage, an eagle's ferocity.

-IS, I repeat with the most utmost certainty, IS ABLE TO BE HARMED. Before Discord was sealed away, a common blade could leave a mar, as recorded by a soldier's journal during that time, right before the Spirit transformed him into a bucket of vanilla pudding. Isn't as omnipotent as he seems, given Discord retreated quickly after being wounded.

-Height is at an intimidating 12 heads tall, thrice that of an average pony, and two taller than Princess Celestia.

-The only known way to vanquish such a foe is magic, specifically, The Elements of Harmony, but seeing as only those chosen by the elements themselves can wield them, for anypony else, the recommend tactic is to RUN.

With my eyes drawing to the end of the page, they fell upon the small footnotes at the bottom, tucked away into a corner for anyone curious enough to notice them.

For a creature related to the Draconequus, see Jabberwocky on page 292.

Flipping over to said page, almost at the back of the book, no fancy drawing greeted me, but an explanation of sorts. I read through it rapidly, only to return to the top and reread almost four times."Curiouser and curiouser..."I mused to myself, my clawed forefinger on the bird side of me following each line carefully.

The Jabberwocky

A much more easily handled monster than the draconequus. Legend believes that they are the offspring of Discord and any number of beast, appearing quite similar to the jumbled up Spirit, but lacking one noteworthy feature the former contains, the power of warping reality is fortunately dissipated down to the most basic of magic, as a jabberwock can only perform only the simplest of spells with great concentration. Still, this does not leave them void of any threat. With their ranging appearance, a jabberwock can possess many different abilities akin to their body parts. Seeing as all are part dragon in some fraction, fire breathing and fireproof skin are notable.

A grin cracked across my face. I could breathe fire? This I had to try out. Setting the book face down across my chest, I took in a deep breathe and aimed at the barest corner of the room, blowing out as hard as I could, only achieving the status of a winded-looking idiot. Still, this did not deter me. I tried once more, feeling something bubble down in my stomach, only for a belch to come out this time tasting of dry sand and chocolate milk, with no flames of any kind following it. Dissapointed and with a bad taste in my mouth, I grumpily returned to reading with a hmph.

The most crucial part I must emphasize on, is what happens when you slay a jabberwocky. Their blood, though highly acidic to any who might be unlucky enough for it to make contact with flesh, is where much of the monster's magic lies. Whoever digests the lifeblood of a jabberwock once it has been killed, is granted a rich number of rewards, ranging from a prolonged lifespan, to an increased combination of strength, stamina, speed, and even magical ability. Suffice to say, it's blood is highly valuable, and anypony lucky enough to obtain it is bound for a prosperous life ahead...if they manage to survive an encounter with the monster, which leads us to how to properly slay it...

I closed the book and laid it aside, preferring not to indulge in the proper ways of killing the species I now found myself as. I lifted up my left arm, slowly becoming accustomed to it's great weight, and examined the dried blood caking my dark fur. I looked down at where I laid it on the bed, and sure enough, where the blood had touched fabric, it had eaten burn holes through a good three inches through the bed.

"Knock, knock!"

I looked up to see Doc Patches in fresh, blood-free scrubs, walking in with a medical bag encased in green aura in tow. Had it been an hour already?

"Alrighty,"He quipped cheerily, opening the bag and pulling out a roll of gauze, a needle(To which I gulped), and a surgical scalpel(More gulping)."Now, I will repeat, I don't know much about treating whatever you are-"

"A jabberwocky."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm a jabberwocky."I said. As I smiled at him after those words, something shifted in his eyes, and it unnerved me. Something hungry, only for them to reset a split second later to matching his happy self."Well good! At least I know I'll be the first doctor to ever work on a jabberwocky! How exciting!"He grinned, my fleeting distrust for him vanishing altogether.

He hovered the needle over to me, humming a familiar theme song the entire time."This will only sting for a bit."

"I've heard that before..."I said meekly. Before I was even through with my sentence, he jabbed the object into my arm and injecting me with God knows what."Nighty night..."His distorted voice was the last thing I heard before a familiar darkness overtook me.

I awoke at the crack of daybreak to a rooster crowing. When did I have a rooster outside my home? Moaning the entire time, I raised myself from my bed, which was oddly too small for me. I stood up and stretched, only to conk myself against the ceiling, and a dull soreness to enter every last part of me. What did I do last night? Go out to a turkish bathhouse with Charlie Sheen? And when did I get so tall? The last time I checked, my room's ceiling was a good two feet taller than myself.

Cracking my eyes open, I viewed an unfamiliar setting. Small room, barely any furniture, and the sound of groans coming from the hallway.

"Sweet Celestia, make it stop!"One cry snapped me back to reality. I wasn't on earth anymore, I was in Equestria. And as I stood up, I realized that this room was meant for ponies, not for a creature like me who towered above their small size. The soreness was due to bandages and gauze wrapped around my midsection, my furry left forearm, and much more heavily around my kangaroo leg. I gingerly tested walking around with it, only wincing if I applied too much pressure. Satisfied that I didn't require that much more bed rest, I limped into the hallway, avoiding gazing into any of the rooms. I didn't like seeing others in pain, especially if they were adorable ponies. As I neared the entrance, there was no sign of Doc Patches anywhere to stop me. I pulled the door open, ducked underneath it's frame and stepped outside into the warmth of Appleloosa.

I gazed up at the sky, the sun just sinking over the horizon. It wasn't daybreak, but sundown. I mustn't have been out for long. Stepping into the streets, I noticed pairs of eyes following me from windows nearby. I waved at them casually, only for their owners to dissapear from view with a frightened yelp. As I strolled down the dirt road, ponies would move out of my way or keep a clear distance as I passed, whispers I heard once they thought me to be out of earshot. So this was it was like to be a public pariah.

Suddenly a loud growl emitted from my stomach, scaring anypony nearby to jump away at the sound."....I'm hungry."I stated, looking about for where I could grab a bite to eat. Obviously, the residence of Appleloosa took this as me looking to eat them, and naturally, all darted to safety within the confines of any place that wasn't near me. With a shrug and a sigh, I looked up and titled my head at the sound coming from the nearby saloon. It seemed the cowponies in their were having a good time. I waltzed over and pushed open the swinging doors, and just like in any good western movie, everypony inside fell quiet to my appearance, all gazing at me distrustfully."Evening, gents."I smiled nervously as I walked up the bar and sat myself down at the end, everypony sitting there getting up and moving except for the one I had plopped down beside. I couldn't see his face, given that his large cowboy hat was drawn over it, only that he casually continued sipping at the bottle of whiskey in his hoof.

The barkeep approached with obvious distaste on his face."What's yer poison, stranger?"

"Err...nothing alcoholic at the moment."I didn't want to enrage my dulling headache and aching limbs any further."What do you have to eat around here?"

"Hay."

"Is...that all you have?"

"Hay. Take it or leave it, pardner."

"Fine."I deflated."I'll have the....hay."

The barkeep nodded and turned to go into the back, returning quickly with a plate of the oaty stuff."Dig in, pardner."He said monotonously before returning to cleaning glasses with a rag.

I picked up a handful of the stuff and slowly brought it to my mouth, closing and chewing very carefully. It...really had no taste at all. Imagine munching on a salad, except lettuce's usual taste it gone, only leaving the crunchiness to remain. I scooped the rest off the plate and shoved it in with the rest, swallowing quickly. At least something had abided my hunger.

"What kind of hole in Equestria did you crawl outta?"

I turned to look at the pony beside me, the origin of the gruff, almost southern accent tinged with a twang on his words. His coat was a light auburn, and I couldn't help but notice something, the detail of it all. I could make out every last strand of fur in his coat, the level of detail a cartoon could never capture. Just another reason for this world to be just as real as my old home.

The pony looked up to return his steely gaze, one eye a dark brown, the other a milky white with a silvery outline of a pupil floating in it. His face held age, and the wrinkles within it showed this pony had seen some things. He tipped his hat up and adjusted the multi-colored poncho that was draped across his body."Well, c'mon, answer me, pardner."

"I'm...not from Equestria."

His eyes did not waver."From where then? Zebrafrica? Giraffeghanistan? The Neightherlands?"

I couldn't help it. I bursted into a fit of laughter. Good Lordy, so many horse puns! I was bound to come across them eventually. Once my guffaws had died down to every head turned to stare at me, my nervous state returned."Uh..."I paused. Would it be best to lie? I doubt he'd believe I was from another world, let alone possibly another dimension, or reality, or universe or whatever. Still, the truth was always the best route to go."I'm...from America."I said, willing to go as far as the country I was from.

"America?"

"Yep."

He shook his head."Ah feel bad fer those colonists over there then, having to deal with native ponies AND whatever the hay you are."

I was puzzled for a moment. There was an America here too? It only took a few seconds for my brain to make the connection. America. A-mare-ica! Their was a pony equivalent for everything! With that in mind, it seemed just like Great Britain had done in ours, Celestia had sent some ponies over for colonization of new land. I chuckled, in a few years time, she'd have a revolutionary war on her hooves. Though, I don't know how much different it would turn out from ours. We only had to fight a king and his vast army, they're going to have to fight a goddess and an equally vast army.

"Yeah...let's go with that. A-mare-ica."I cackled before extending my bird hand towards him."I'm Oddjob. And you?"

He didn't even look at my hand."Alamo. Alamo Wall."

"Nice to meet you!"I said with much optimism, retracting my unshaken hand.

"The feeling ain't that mutual, pardner."

Ouch. That kinda hurt. Before I could try and retort, a violent shaking from beneath our feet erupted through the entire saloon."What was that?!"I screamed as I tried to scramble back up to my feet from falling off my chair. Alamo did not reply, only stood up, unaffected by the quake, as every other pony in the room seemed.

"Everypony!"The barkeep shouted."Grab yer weapons just like the sheriff said, and get yer flanks outside! We gotta town ta defend!"

They all let out a deafening yell before charging outside, followed by another quake. Only I and Alamo remained inside."What...was that?!"I repeated, successfully standing once more. I looked down to see that I towered over Alamo, only that the indifferent and almost frigid air he gave off still affected me. He looked up, half his face covered by the brim of his hat, giving his face an even more serious expression."Wurms, pardner, With a big ol' 'U' smack dab in the middle."

"I think you spelled it wrong, and...earthworms? Like in gardens?"I gave him an 'are you actually serious' look.

He never replied. A third earthquake shook the very land, and suddenly the cracking and splintering of wood followed, only for a body as thick as a tree to explode out from beneath us, sending us flying in opposite directions across the saloon. Looking up, I could only be stupefied at the writhing monster that crawled out of the hole it had made. It was big, pink, and definitely not Patrick's belly button.

"Wurm, pardner."Alamo called to me as the beast neared him.

What Lurks Beneath

FUCK.

The monster was slithering it's way towards Alamo at a casual pace, as if it knew it's prey wasn't going to be any trouble at all. It's long and slime-encrusted body writhed against the woodwork with a horrendously scratchy noise. I cringed at the sound, my headache returning from a dull beat to a full-force shock. I held a paw to my scaly forehead, trying to at least get my bearings. Okay, what were my options here? I could run, but probably meet other worms outside, there were shouts and guttural roars echoing all around Appleloosa. Or, I could lend a hand, or a combination of paw and claw per say, to Alamo over there, probably buy him some time to escape. I looked down at myself and weighed the choices. Could this new body possibly grant me any means of physical prowess? I wasn't that much of a scrapper back on earth, only a few fights under my belt, and I hardly won most of them. Plus, I was barely in any condition to fight such a beast.

THIS.

Not much time to think after that. The worm reared up what could barely be called a head, scraping against the ceiling and sending a good bit of it collapsing down upon it. It gazed down at it the old pony, slowly inching backwards for the kill. Alamo Wall didn't seem to be showing any emotion at all, only looking up indifferently at the towering monstrosity as if it were some minor annoyance. Maybe the coot was senile? Heck, even senile people could tell when danger was smack dab in front of them. Perhaps he was more crazy than senile.

The worm was going to make it's move. It suddenly lurched back to gain momentum, and at the same time I rushed forward, gritting my fangs at the immense pain jerking through my nerves from previous wounds. With a roar not unlike a dragon's, I leapt through the air, my kangaroo part sending me flying at a rapid speed to slam into the monster and for my claws to dig into it's skin for a grip.

SHIIIIIT.

I'm the most idiotic person on this planet and the next. I didn't hurt it, only made it angrier. It thrashed about the saloon, smashing me into walls and creating quite a disastrous effect on the inside of the building. I was surprised the entire place hadn't fallen down yet. As I was tossed about like a ragdoll on this worm rodeo, I caught a blurred glimpse of Alamo. His hat had lifted up a smidge, revealing a unicorn's horn underneath. A silvery glow was about it, and from underneath his poncho, a weapon was drawn. I couldn't get a closer look at it, given my circumstances.

"Thanks fer the distraction, pardner. Just what ah needed..."

Immediately following his voice, a thundering crack erupted through the room, and something whizzed past my face. Three more of the sounds followed, and the monster groaned, slowing down as if in pain. I released my hold on it's back, falling to the ground, my feet making contact with a heavy clop of hoof and paw on wood. As I looked over at the pony who had probably just saved us both, I swear that dizzying ride had left me seeing things. Hovering in front of him, steadied in the air by his own silvery hold of magic, a revolver, one you would see in an old spaghetti-western flick, was smoking at the barrel as it unleashed another gunshot at the monster.

Guns. There were guns in Equestria. Oh how quickly my dreams of this land were crumbling, yet building as well.

In a flash, Alamo's aura had opened up the chamber and pulled ammo from an unseen source from underneath his clothing, placing the bullets in and reloading it in a flash. He fired six more shots, six more thunderous sounds and roars of pain from the worm. It slowly wavered in the air, only to collapse entirely to the ground, sinking back into the hole from whence it came.

The two of us approached the gaping chasm in the floorboards, I myself cautious, Alamo still holding his gaze of steel."Is it...dead?"I asked.

"Probably not."Alamo shrugged, twirling the revolver then holstering it back underneath the poncho.

"Should we....go after it?"

"Don't be stupid."He replied, his horn still glowing, his magic shuffling underneath his wardrobe in search for something. Seconds later, a long red tube with a string and a match appeared. My eyes widened as I backed up."Dynamite?! Who carries bloody dynamite around?!"

"Apparently ah do."The cowpony rolled his eyes, floating the matchstick over to my face, only to strike it against my scales to set it ablaze. I rubbed the spot where it had struck, expecting pain, only to feel another dull sensation, one you feel when your blood hasn't reached a spot on your body in a while, a numbness. Maybe the scales acted as some sort of natural armor, or at least a protectant to some degree.

He held the glowing match against the long string flowing out from the explosive, and once it was lit and sparks began to eat their way towards the end, Alamo quickly tossed it down the hole to follow the worm. He then was casually walking towards the exit of the saloon."We should go,"He said just as he pushed past the swinging doors."'less ya want ta blow up with this place too."

All the incentive I needed.

I rushed out just as the dynamite going off roared into my ears, a blast of heat and debris erupting behind me in a force that knocked me flat on my face. Oh yes, my time in Equestria thus far has been so wonderful. Falling down cliffs, very rude patrons, and even getting almost eaten by a giant worm! I'll have to get Discord a gift basket if I ever meet the spirit again.

Getting back to my feet and dusting sand off of my feathers, I began to take in account the damage that had been done while we were in the saloon. It had been a short affair, but the damage done to the small town had a large toll. It seemed most of those capable had driven off a bulk of the worms that had attacked, leaving holes of various sizes throughout the streets. Some buildings had collapsed from the quakes, while others showed signs of damage. A stream of wounded stallions, some bleeding, others even sporting some nasty bites where body parts had been, were heading back towards the hospital. Guess I won't have that room to myself anymore.

How had they done it? I wondered this to myself as I drifted around the town, no sign of anypony I was acquainted with. Alamo seemed to have dissapeared all together, the Sheriff was busy speaking with those who could stand after the attack, and the Doc was probably treating as many patients as he could before collapsing from fatigue himself.

As I surveyed them all, a few more facts made themselves known. Apparently, only unicorns could actually use firearms. From the handful of magic-users that I saw, since Appleloosa seemed to be a earth pony dominate town, each one carried some kind of pistol, six-shooter, or shotgun at their side. Their telekinesis allowed them to hold a gun just like a human could. Unfortunately, pegasi and earth were left out of the mix. Hooves weren't well known in the finger category. What they lacked in ambidexterity, they made for with sabers and blunt weapons. Some of the ponies held swords at their sides, some a simple chunk of wood, which I take they held in their mouths, or from some of the fanon use, ponies could hold weapons with their forelegs.

A grunt made my escape from thought to reality. I turned my head to see the Sheriff with his ample moustache approaching me."Oddjob, we're gonna need you ta hustle yerself over to my office, pronto."

I nodded and followed him over, entering the building just as we passed a stallion laying on his side on the dirt street nearby, his body still. I took him to be resting from the battle, only to realize that he was dead. A pool of dried blood was around a wound on the side that touched ground. At first, I didn't know what to think. A cartoon character was dead, and I felt it like it was real. I could even see the flies beginning to buzz around his body.

You owe me a perfect world, Discord.

Once inside, I found myself having to squat down due to the unaccommodating height of the room. The Sheriff trotted over to a desk and sat himself down behind it, Alamo Wall positioned leaning against the back corner, and an unknown pony sharing the western motif sitting in a chair next to an empty jail cell opposite of Alamo.

"Afternoon."The unknown pony tipped his hat at me. I nodded in reply. I wasn't that much of a talker anyway.

"Now, ah bet yer wonderin' what all that fuss was about..."The Sheriff said, his voice showing that he was contemplating something.

Another nod from myself, this time a bit more vigorous.

"Well, we've been havin' some critter troubles fer a while now..."

"Started back a few months ago. Nothing serious, they would pop in the horizon now and again to eat some of our crops,"The unknown pony continued where the Sheriff left off."But lately, they've been gettin' brave, more violent too. This has been the worst attack yet."

"Wurms. Tch."Alamo spat.

"We've seen word to Canterlot for aid, but nopony's replied."Unknown pony showed a bit of despair at the end of that sentence."Ah'm worried that before they send some of their knights over, there won't be any Appleloosa left ta save."

Sheriff shook his head."Now, don't go on say that in front of a guest, Deputy."

"Is there...anything we can do?"I asked with deep concern.

"We?"Alamo questioned."No pardner, not we as in includin' you, we as in just us. Appleloosa can take care of itself."

Ouch. Another blow to Oddjob.

"If we thought like that, we'd still be in struggle with the Buffalo."The Deputy retorted.

"Ah'm just sayin, we don't need no help from a freak like him."Alamo shrugged."The fool nearly got himself killed in the saloon earlier."

"Hey, I helped you!"I snapped, pointing my paw at him, a claw extending from the forefinger."You'd be worm chow if it wasn't for me!"

"Ah can handle myself. Just like Appleloosa can handle itself."He replied, heading for the exit."We don't need no help from any high-falutin Canterlot ponies, and we certainly don't need help from whatever you are!"He gave me one last glare before leaving.

"Please forgive him..."The Deputy gave me a nervous smile."Alamo's always been...reluctant ta newcomers. 'Specially one as...colorful as yerself."

I shrugged in reply, but it showed a bit of resentment in it. I knew I'd be getting a lot of that soon.

"Anyways..."The Sheriff continued with a sigh."The Buffalo have sent us some helpful information. Some of there trackers have found the Wurm Breeding Grounds in a cave not too far off from here. Maybe a day or two's walk..."

I knew where this was going. Plenty of television and video games have lent to that.

"We're gonna have ta send some ponies in to get rid of 'em if those Canterlot folk don't show up soon...."

Here it comes.

"And we're wonderin'...maybe you could help, Oddjob?"

There we go.

"Why me?"I questioned, furrowing my scaly brow.

"Well, we've always heard that dragons know there way around caves..."The Deputy continued his nervous grin, even sweating a bit as he spoke to him. Was my appearance that unsettling? Well, it did come from a chaos god."And those critters aren't that fond of fire...makes 'em shrivel up."

"I don't know..."I muttered. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I couldn't breathe fire, despite what the bestiary said.

"We need as much help as we can get."Sheriff went on."And if you could lend a hoof....or paw in yer case, Appleloosa would be forever grateful."

I sighed, and reluctantly nodded in agreement. I couldn't just go out and say no to the ponies that patched me up, now could I?

The Sheriff and Deputy immedietly perked up in mood."Good! We'll get you and a couple others geared up. Rest now, you set out tomorrow at the crack o' morning!"

Oh goody.

Expediters

That night was very anticlimactic, albeit with an incredibly stiff atmosphere with just a hint of doubt and gloom. After my meeting with the Sheriff and his unnerved Deputy, I returned to the hospital to find the Doc scurrying about at a frantic pace, tending to those wounded from the conflict and those still on bed rest from previous attacks. The number of patients had swelled dramatically, and I found my once empty room now occupied by several others. Somepony with all four of his legs broken laid in what was my bed, flat on his back and his appendages hung limply in the air from wires attached to the ceiling. I approached him slowly, a look of concern on my face. I just hoped my frightful features wouldn't warrant for me to leave him."Hey...you need any help...?"I questioned, his head turning to me in an almost jerky manner. His face was screwed into an expression of severe pain, but he managed to spit some words out through gritted teeth."Go buck yerself..."

"You have a nice evening too."

I waved at him with as wide a grin as I could and turned to plop myself down in a corner of the room, any pony near me instantly scuttling away as far as they could, each one eying me warily, but also holding an air of tiredness about them. These worms were really getting to the poor folks of Appleloosa. Maybe me helping them is just what they needed, I mean, I couldn't leave the poor folks to ruin with those giant beasties about. They were too fucking cute to refuse anyway. At least it would give me something to do before I can actually plan out my stay here in Equestria. As the lights dimmed and everypony drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep, my mind wandered in-between bouts of dozing off. Maybe I should visit Ponyville? Manehattan, Trottingham, or even one of those foreign countries Alamo mentioned. A whole new world was laid out before me, and I had all the time in it to explore after my escapades here...if I survive that is.

Morning came all to quickly. My groans joined in with the others in a chorus of misery as the rising sun brilliantly shone into the room through a window and a nearby rooster unleashed it's horrendous crowing. I blinked a few times to make sure the sleep was gone from my eyes and slowly stood up, making sure not to bump my head against the ceiling this time. Every other pony awake in the room just watched me, as if waiting for me to leave. So I did just that with a nervous smile, slinking out of the door and into the hall in a flash. Waitaminute...I wasn't moving this quickly the day before. Out in the hallway, I stretched my elongated body, feeling no kinks or pain whatsoever from my misendeavor yesterday. I gazed down at my Kangaroo leg and removed the cast that had been around it with my claws, the bone that had been touching the skin now gone from nearly protruding, popped back into it's place as if by magic. My back felt no cuts or bruises, and even the small greenish wounds dotting my fur had been healed over with new flesh and growing strands of hair. It was if I had some sort of hyperactive healing factor or something. Kinda reminded me of Wolverine's, just not as fast. Might come in handy later.

With my mood brightened, I moved out into the main lobby of the hospital, no sign of the Doc anywhere. Poor blighter probably collapsed from sheer exhaustion last night. One pony tending to an entire town of injured folk must be a strain on him.

Stepping outside, I found the warmth of the sun and dry desert quite invigorating, and I breathed in deeply the smell of dirt and nearby apples. Not many folks were up and about just yet, the ones who were, like shopkeepers or field workers, took extra energy to avoid me.

Walking down the empty dirt road in a lanky fashion, I curiously looked this way and that, no sign of the Sheriff or his nervous Deputy. I thought they said we'd be leaving early in the morning? I got my answer in the form of a very angry and very disgruntled Alamo.

I turned a corner to the Sheriff's Office and smacked right into the guy, sending both of us to the ground.

"Oh man, I am so sorry!"I muttered as rapidly and apologetically as I could, scrambling quickly to my combination of hoof and paw and picking him up back to set him on his own four hooves. I found him to actually be quite light. Another perk while in this world?

"Put me down ya flabbergasted sidewinder!"He nearly roared as he settled all of his clothing back into it's right position. He looked up from his tipped hat to eyeball me, and I swear I felt something deep inside me shiver. Guy had a cold stare that could end global warming. All he'd have to do was gaze at the polar caps for an afternoon."Not exactly a morning person, are you?"I chuckled nervously.

"C'mon."Was all he said, and motioned for me to follow him. I nodded and silently strode behind him, making sure I caused no more trouble. He lead me to the edge of town, the bare desert and blurred horizon laid out before us. The Sheriff greeted us, accompanied by two rather large Buffalo decked out in tribal gear and facepaint slathered across their mugs in an almost archaic fashion.

"Oddjob, Alamo."The mustachioed pony greeted us with a tip of his hat. Alamo did the same, and seeing as I had no headwear to follow suit, I just stood there like an idiot and nodded.

"This is Running River and Little Rock, two of the nearby Buffalo tribes top trackers."He motioned a foreleg to the two, who remained silent for the most part, just as stoic as Alamo in their gaze."They've managed ta locate them there worms' breeding caves. It's a day's journey from here if ya'll don't stop anytime soon, and they'll guide you there."

"Quick question,"I raised a clawed finger in interruption."When we get there, y'know, the caves and all, what exactly do we do? I doubt we could take on every worm in their home turf...we barely killed one yesterday."

"You just leave the problems to the professionals,"Alamo replied as he rustled a satchel over his side, momentarily opening it, the contents of the pack fit to bursting with bright red dynamite.

Oh goody, more explosives.

The Sheriff tossed me a pack of my own, and I briefly examined the insides before slinging over my shoulder. A canteen of water, some crackers, oats, and even a handy dandy compass if we got lost. How sweet.

"Ya'll best be off now."The Sheriff nodded at us all and trotted off back to Appleloosa. The two buffalo merely grunted and began walking, me and Alamo following behind at a steady pace. I had a feeling it would be a long, long walk...

It wasn't until several hours later did we lessen our pace. Alamo and the Wonder Twins over there were quiet and calm in their walk, while I lagged behind and stewed in my own boredom. It wasn't that I was tired, heck, I found the weather incredibly enjoyable and nice on my scales, it was I simply the fact that I was a young adult and that I was bored. Usually on long trips like this I would bring along a book or a sketchpad or even a little portable gaming device(I still hadn't caught every pokemon yet), and that would keep me entertained until my destination was reached. But this, all I had to do was either waste my supplies by guzzling it all down(which I didn't of course), or stare the backsides of a grizzled old pony and two Buffalo. It was overall almost torturous.

"Sooo..."I began. Let the awkwardness begin."How much farther do you guys think it is?"

"We won't make it there today."Buffalo number one said. I couldn't remember which one was which. Running Rock? Little River?

"We'll stop for camp at sundown, then we'll reach the breeding grounds by morning."Buffalo two finished.

"Sounds...good."I replied."....Anyone know any road trip games? How about I Spy? Or even 99 bottles of milk on the wall?"

No answer from any of them. I deflated in defeat and returned to the pit of nothing to do but walk.

We stopped just as the Buffalo had said, three hours later, the sun sinking lower and lower until it was replaced with an expansive blanket of stars and a silvery glowing orb. I settled down underneath a jutting rock that shot out of the ground, curling up around myself as if I were a dog, and I'm surprised to say it was damn comfy. Obvious evidence of the rocky region we were entering lay close nearby. The canyons and mountains that seemed so far away weren't so anymore. I could spot a series of caverns and open caves dotting the face of a cliff not a morning's jog away from where we were. Buffalo knew their stuff.

Alamo had scrounged a meager campfire for us, a flickering outline of reddish-orange illuminating our small area of rest. He sat by it and simply gazed into the core of the embers, occasionally taking a sip of a jug I knew wasn't water. The Buffalo stood together at the edge of camp keeping watch for any sign of worm activity. The ground was surprisingly non-earthquake-y. Worms must relish their sleep as must as any other normal creature. If, y'know, giant slithering monsters large enough to eat a bus was normal.

One by one we drifted off to that wonderful dreamland, accompanied by each other's snores and the dying crackles of a fire going out. It was all too good to happen, and given my luck, things went bad in a jiffy.

A sharp, scuffling noise made me perk open one eye to survey whatever woke me up. I was having a good dream, one of delicious milkshake rain and hamburgers plentiful enough to feed me for a lifetime. My gurgling stomach was probably the cause, oats and crackers weren't really a fitting dinner for a guy like me.

A dark blob moved in the still of the night, approaching each of my companions one by one, and after he had left, the previous one slumped even further, as if their body had gone entirely slack. Blinking a couple times, My eyes adjusted quite quickly to the darkness, surprising me to a strange view. Doc Patches stood over Alamo, injecting a needle into the bloke and pulling it out as fast as he could, Alamo's body immediately going limp afterwards.

"Hey, Doc!"I uncurled myself and shook the sleep off, his head jerking in my direction."Watcha doing here-"

He replied by rushing at me and deftly stabbing a needle into my bear arm. I winced at the sharp pain and sudden lag overcoming my body, and in a few seconds, I found myself toppling to the ground."Doc...fwhugh...."I found that my maw could barely utter an intelligible word, as if the muscles suddenly decided to give out on me.

"Hi there, Oddjob..."The Doc smiled sweetly as he removed the needle and pulled an empty one from out of his satchel that bore a red medical cross."Sorry about doing that...I hoped that you would be asleep."

"Fwugh...yugh...talking aboot...?"More nonsense poured from my gaping mouth.

"Do you know how many times I read Sir Gallant Heart's book? Quite a riveting encyclopedia of knowledge, I assure you."He flicked the needle with his right foreleg while holding it with his left."I've memorized the monsters in that book by heart...I'm not always busy at the clinic, and when you mentioned that you were a Jabberwocky, well, I just had to take the chance."He chuckled almost sweetly."Oddjob, you've got liquid gold running through your veins...literally banks and banks worth of bits flow within you. Why, imagine what a backwater doctor like me could do with pure Jabberwock blood!"

I tried to grin, but found that I couldn't. This would be the part where the villain monologued, giving the hero a chance to gather himself a enact a plan of some sort. my mind drew a blank.

"I could move to an estate in Canterlot after selling 'Doc Patches Miracle Juice'! The health benefits alone would be incredible..."

I found that my metabolism was kicking in. The factor was working out whatever paralysis he injected me with. I slowly moved my tongue around, the only part of my body that was back to corresponding to my brain.

"And the sheer amount of women fawning over me.."Another chuckle as he drew closer with the needle to extract my blood."Now, I'm a catch here already, but I've grown bored of the farmtown girls or the belles of Appleloosa...now, a lovely young Canterlot lady..."

Shi-eet, my body worked fast. I could begin to feel my upper torso, and that was all I needed. All I had to do was wait till he got a tad closer...

"I'm terribly sorry about this Oddjob, I really am. Don't worry, I'll only be taking a gallon or two, I have many needles stocked up in my bag."Just as he drawed near, the needle nary an inch away from my skin, I bolted up to tower above the poor Doc, who appropriately jumped at my sudden maneuverability. With my plan in play, I did what any good male who had just been tricked would do.

I decked the fucker straight through his jaw with my fist.

My bear hand clenched tightly into a ball of fuzzy fury, it slammed into his face, and I almost relished the feeling of bone and teeth give way to my strike. His small body was promptly sent flying a few yards through the air to land with a dull if not heavy thud. He was unconscious before he even hit the ground. I grinned as I moved the digits of my paw around, the knuckles not even feeling tingly. As I gazed about the campsite, every single person around me knocked out or paralyzed, a familiar sense came over me.

I was bored again, and I would probably have to wait until morning to find the others stirring from their medically-induced comas.

Dammit, Doc.

They awoke around nine in the morning, and I had taken the liberty of gathering breakfast. Some leftover rations(from the others bags) and some berries I had found growing on a nearby dried bush. They were small and tasted very sour, but they were food.

"Uhh...mah head..."Alamo stirred holding a hoof to his temple, which was probably throbbing, creating a nice headache right about now."What happened last night...?"

"Oh, Doc over there,"I pointed at his still unconscious form."Stuck you guys with needles that paralyzed stuff and tried to steal my blood to become a millionaire and live in Canterlot and marry and pretty pony lady. I punched him in the face if it makes you feel better."

"..."

"He's not dead."I eyed his still body."At least...I don't think so. i didn't hit him that hard..."

There I gulped. What if my newfound strength did kill the blighter? Didn't want a bodycount in my name here, even if it was just one.

Alamo trudged over to him and examined the traitor from top to bottom before returning to sit next to me."He's alright...just sportin' a nasty case of the bloody mouth. Even got a few teeth lying about here and there."

He looked over to me and nodded silently."Thanks, partner."He stood up to go check on the Buffalo who just seemed to be finding themselves.

"Also, y'know them there berries are poisonous."

I spat them out and ran my hands over my tongue to wipe the taste from my mouth.

After everyone had settled down and found their motor functions back in order, we all had a light breakfast of, surprise, oats and crackers and water, then set out for the caves in the distance. Well, actually, just me and Alamo. Buffalo twins insisted on taking Doc back to Appleloosa, didn't want him left to the buzzards. It was pretty noble, so neither of us objected. Me and Alamo silently nodded to each other and found our way to the breeding ground.

As we neared them, signs of the worms were everywhere. Upturned chunks of earth, massive holes burrowed deep into the crust of land, and even bore marks from their skin etched into the ground."Here there be monsters..."I muttered under my breath.

We ascended the rocky face of the cliff in an hour, and before we knew it, a gaping hole stood before us, the dank, rotting stench coming from within the recesses was unbearable. I tried breathing through my mouth, but my hypersensitive tongue just made it even word.

"Ready, partner?"Alamo cocked his head to the side, his revolver magically floating beside him, locked and loaded.

"Yeah..."I shook my head rapidly. If I could sweat right now, I would be doing so. We walked inside, the darkness quickly swallowing up any light that dared penetrate it. In a matter of moments, we stepped deeper and deeper into whatever lied so far beneath the earth, entering the Worm Breeding Grounds.

Only a few minutes in, the earth collapsed beneath our feet.

The Hunger

Through total darkness we descended at a rapid pace, the only sound around us echoing rocks and my volatile shouting. From my mouth came the longest string of utterable curses, I spewed a good mixture of slurs and violence from my maw as we fell down, down, down. Any mother would faint, any child would giggle, any sailor would nod in approval.

I had no idea what was going on with Alamo, considering the pitch black entirely surrounding us, but as for me, my descent was as far from comfortable as possible, if falling miles below the surface of the earth into an abyss populated by ravenous worm-beasts was at all possible to being comfortable. I smashed into unseeable rocky walls, hitting bits of debris that had fallen with us, it was like my first day in Equestria all over again, ending with an all too familiar crash as I painfully kissed the ground with my entire body.

".....Bloody fucking thunder and spit..."I muttered as I stood back up as slowly as possible, measuring how much pain I had accumulated in the fall. Sore here and there, definitely felt some cuts, but nothing as serious. I was okay for now. But the questioned remained, where was the cowpony?

"Ya'll alright over there?"

I jumped at the sudden voice from the shadows around me, only for them to dissipate in fear from a silvery glow of magic exploding from a certain unicorn's horn, his magic acting like an welcomed arcane torch. I sighed in relief to see Alamo was generally unharmed, only banged up here and there like I was.

"Yeah, I'm good."I nodded."...Where do you think we are now?"I squinted my eyes to peer past the radius of light around us and try to catch a glimpse of what laid ahead. Nothing to report back, however.

He turned slowly, revealing the details of our newest surroundings with the gentle glow from his horn, his hat dangling loosely around his neck from a drawstring to make sure it stayed with the grizzled old coot. We seemed to in some sort of tunnel, solid, craggy walls outlining the area, the size of the tunnel easily the thickness of one of those nasty worms. Yep, we were definitely in the stew now.

Small vibrations were felt here and there, movement from the beasties, but nothing too close to cause alarm. We must've landed in one of their unused tunnels or something.

Alamo began walking, and as the loyal companion that I am, I followed. I made sure to stick close, didn't want that precious light to escape and leave me in a place where at any moment it would be chow time for a worm.

"So...what do we do now?"I questioned after ten minutes of silence."I know we gotta blow the place up...but anything specifically? Like, do we even have a plan beyond that?"

"Find three important areas to those flabblasted worms, blow 'em ta smitheroons, then high-tail it outta here."

"Care to elaborate there Mr. Spaghetti Western?"I raised an eyebrow. Seriously, it was getting really old with being left out of the plan. Well, okay, even I had to admit it was a good idea to do so with me having the tendency to trip on nothing but thin air, but still, at least drop me some key points so I'm not left entirely in the dark.

"Gotta set up some of the red stuff in the Hatching Chamber, takes care of them their babies, the Mother's Den, takes care of any reproduction, and last but not least, the Main Support Pillar, any good cave system would have one, on the plus side once we get there, it's a straight shot up with the pillar. Then blammo! No more worms, and Appleloosa's safe and sound."

"Sounds easy enough."

"Not really, pardner. The Hatching Chamber's probably all a-guarded up by their biggest males, and the Mother....you don't wanna know bout the worm momma."

Once again, no plot points dropped to ol' Oddjob. It stung, it really did.

"C'mon Alamo, don't leave me hanging here."

He turned to looked at me, his wizened features holding a sense of something ominous. I shuddered and instantly regretted my words."Let's just say pardner, we're gonna wanna get in and get outta there as quick as we can."

His words silence me, but only momentarily."You...seem to know a lot about these things."

"Once you've been around as long as Ah have pardner, ya pick up a couple tips here and there."

I considered his words as I looked at him intently, examining every line and wrinkle. Obviously the guy was old, no doubt about it, but I didn't want to be rude and ask him how old he was. Considering that I had no knowledge whatsoever about horses and their physiology, I couldn't quite pinpoint how old he was exactly. Sixty, seventy, eighty? Fuck, Celestia and Luna were thousands of years old, but did magic apply to the lifespan of lesser unicorns like Alamo? I really had to investigate stuff like this soon. Maybe finding a library would be nice, especially Twilight's. Knowledge is power, and I would need all the knowledge I could gather for such a world as convoluted as this.

From there on, we remained quiet as he continued our trek into the lair of the worms.

"Quick, through here."

I decidedly ducked underneath a wall of stone jutting out of the ground as another worm slithered by, unaware of the two unwanted visitors scurrying about it's home. Alamo peaked over to check that we were safe. He seemed that he had decided the worm was a good distance away, and he unlatched his bag, pulling a thick bundle of dynamite sticks strapped together haphazardly, a long winding string falling from it, acting as a tail for the bright red explosives.

"Alright..."Alamo went onto hovering the bundle in the air with his magic while searching for something else inside the bag. He retrieved a set of matches and shove the items into my mitts.

"Right, it's real simple pardner,"He began.

"You want me to blow it up."I looked between the stuff in my hold and Alamo's stoic gaze with uncertainty.

"Go into the nest, plant the dynamite,"

"You're trusting me with something that can kill us both."

"Light the match, set 'em to the fuse,"

"Matches....AND dynamite. Both, in my hands. You want me to..."

"Then skedaddle out of there. We only got so much time 'fore the next male comes in ta check on the eggs."

"..."

"DYNAMITE. ME."

"Get yer flank over there 'fore I right way kick it there instead."

With a sigh I stood up and slunk my way over to the center of the massive cavern we now found ourselves in, tip-toeing as lightly as possible, thinking at any moment the slightest of sound would signal for a worm to come charging in here and devour me.

I couldn't tell the exact size of the 'room' per say, given Alamo's magical glow could only extend so far, but it did carry an echo. Smack dab in the center of it though, a large crater big enough to easily hold a football field took the attention of any eye, equally massive sacs as tall as me holding writhing, slimy grubs inside their pustular eggs were scattered across the ground, held by tendrils firmly dug into the dirt.

"Oh God...gonna puke..."I forced down the dry taste of vomit as one of the pods nearby popped and splayed me with greasy, clingingly thick slime, a pure white grub the size of a puppy falling to the ground screaming. I continued on despite my utter disgust, shivering as the goop almost instantly hardened and attached to my fur. Didn't have time to try and peel it off, Alamo said we were on a strict schedule here, get in, blow shit up, get out and have a party. Sounded really good right about time.

Once I arrived in what I thought was the center, I knelt down and deposited the large chunk of raw destructive power into the ground, freeing my paw and claw up to settle with the matches. I awkwardly held the case in my bear paw, and with my much more nimble hand, the match. I struck it time and time again against the friction strip, but it refused to light. Peering my head over the eggs, I called out in the direction of the cowpony in a hissing whisper, the kind you want to make quiet, but it comes out as loud as a shout. Happened to me all the time when I was in class trying to find ways around the teacher's watchful eye and ever alert ears. Old bat was like a trained machine when it came to busting me passing notes or speaking to another friend.

"Alamo!"

"..."

"Alaaamoooo!"

Still no reply.

"ALAMOOOOOO!"

"WHAT is it yer consarnitted loud mouth?!"

"The matches won't light."

"What do ya mean 'ther matches won't light'?!"

"...The matches. Won't. Light."

I could hear him grumble all the way over here.

He arrived with stomping hooves and an overall displeased disposition towards me. I greeted him with a cheery fanged smile."Give me those."He snatched the matches right out of my hands with his fancy telekinetic powers, striking the matchstick once and lighting it in the first try.

"...You got lucky."

"And yer an eem-bee-cycle."

"Imbecile."

"That there too."

He held the match to the fuse and in an instant it was lit, showering the ground with sparks as it slowly dwindled in length to meet the body of the explosives.

"Now c'mon, let's amskray."

Before we even began walking a tremor knocked us off our collective hooves and paws. Landing with a dull thump on my back, I looked up to see one of those big nasties boring it's way horizontally through a wall then switching to vertical, heading straight for us with mouth agape and teeth a-bristling.

"....Manure."I heard Alamo whisper under his breath as he hopped right back up and armed himself with his revolver, the firearm loaded before I could even blink. I just kinda stood there beside him with my hands in an awkward fisticuffs stance.

The worm rushed us with as much speed and ferocity as a bus crammed with senile old people. Alamo swiftly sidestepped the thing, I rolled out the way with as much action-hero gusto I could muster. It zoomed by, kicking up a cloud of dirt in it's wake, and coincidentally, putting out the fuse right behind us. Me and Alamo shared a glance."I'll get on that."I muttered as he tossed me the matchbox back.

While I fiddled with figuring out how simple fire worked, I could hear Alamo behind me, firing off his gun and reloading it an an incredible rate. But I knew he would run out of bullets eventually, and I believed I wouldn't be able to fathom the matchstick before then. My fucking bear hand kept snapping them as I clumsily pulled them out the box!

All of a sudden I heard a grunt and the sound of something metallic clattering to the floor. I turned around to see that the worm had fucking wrapped itself around Alamo like a boa constrictor, his revolver helplessly on the ground below."Don't worry Al, I'm coming!"

"Never call me Al."He even managed to be annoyed with me as the life was being squeezed out of him.

I dashed at the beast and rammed my shoulder into the body of the worm closest to the ground, only succeeding in budging it a few inches. I even tried punching the blasted thing, my fists harmlessly bounced off the thick skin. Reverting to plan three, I fumbled around for Alamo's gun, picking it up and firing at the worm, only to find that it clicked harmlessly with an empty barrel.

"Shit..."I worriedly looked around for any help at all in the cave to save Alamo, his gasps of air overhead growing more and more raspy."Shit...."I hit my head to come up with an idea. Something to help!

"Shiiiiiit...."I was getting angry. And I mean really angry. Mad enough for a low, menacing growl to escape my throat, I was positively fuming.

....I paused, sniffing the air. Aside from the dank cave smell and slime, I could pick out something else lingering out there. Smoke.I looked around for any source of fire, maybe the fuse had miraculously relit itself? This was Equestria after all. If talking ponies who go on zany and humorous adventures fun for the whole family was possible, why not a self-lighting fuse? Turning around, the dynamite string remained unlit. I was surprised to find a foul taste growing in my mouth, and as I opened it, a mass of wispy grey poured out.

"Okay....I'm smoking. Literally smoking."It didn't choke me up, in fact, it felt good, like something warm had nestled itself inside my chest...

"Anytime thar...pard....ner...!"Alamo choked out the last word with a few spittles of blood.

Oh right, I was angry.

I turned to look at the worm with Alamo still ensnared in it's coiling body, and the fire inside me seemed to brighten, heating me up from the tip of my tail to the spikes on my head. I didn't know what I was doing, but it felt right. I roared. A terrifying, bone-shaking guttural sound from the very back of my throat. Any death-metal vocalist would be jealous. And you know what I got in return for my shout? A glorious spew of red and orange and fire exploding from my maw, a stream of brimstone heading straight for the worm. The fire engulfed what I thought was it's head, and it recoiled it fear from the heat with a shriek, releasing Alamo, who toppled to the ground as the monster retreated with scalded skin.

Slowly the heat inside me turned down, and I ceased firebreathing, but I could still feel that spark deep inside me.

I rushed over to Alamo and helped back to his hooves. He retrieved his Revolver and reloaded it on reflex, hovering it nearby in case any other worm decided to come by and snack on us.

"Ya could've told me you could do that."

I shrugged as tendrils of smoke lazily drifted through my nostrils."I didn't know I could either."

"C'mon, let's hurry. Ol' burned worm over there is probably alertin' the whole colony that we're here. Gotta get to the Mother and fast."

I nodded and approached the dynamite, this time sure that I could do this. I bent down, breathed in, and puffed out an ember from my mouth, the small round orb of fire rolling off of my tongue and tasting of charcoal, the fuse relighting instantaneously. Alamo and I were out of the Nest before the explosion even went on, and when it did, a satisfying boom erupted through the caverns, along with some shrieking worms who were probably caught in the blast radius as well. Why is it so satisfying to blow stuff up?

Over the course of three hours we worked our way deeper and deeper into the caves, occasionally having to hide out until a worm lost track of us. Our actions definitely had them all riled up. Screeches and shaking were much more frequent now. The whole population of beasties were pissed at us and seeking blood.

Finally we looked up to see fully illuminated in Alamo's silver magic, a gigantic hole easily thrice the size of any worm we had encountered. Suffice to say, Momma Worm was big.

"Ready, pardner?"Alamo looked over to me as he unholstered his gun.

"Last time you said that, the ground just went up and disappeared beneath us."I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly to make sure the fire was still going strong inside me. I was replied with smoke and swirling twists of fire shooting out. I grinned.

We both nodded and stepped inside. The further we went in, the sounds of distant worms grew even further until we couldn't hear them at all through the thick stone. It went so far as we didn't even need Alamo's magic anymore, some sort of luminescent fungi was growing up everywhere, bathing the area in an eerie, soft green-neon glow.

Alamo was walking ahead of me, then he suddenly halted, holding out a foreleg to signal me to stop as well."We're here."

I looked around, the walls had widened to a gargantuan chamber outlined with the lava-lamp fungus. It was empty save for some boulders scattered here and there. Even the stalagmites overhead were empty of any dripping water, something common you'd find in a cliche' cave as this.

"I don't see anything..."I said, walking further in."No Momma Worm, no regular worm, no nothing."

"Wait for it."Alamo replied, tensing himself."Big Momma likes to make an entrance."

"Wha-"

From the ground up exploded a body that could rival a skyscraper if it wanted to. I was knocked flat on my back as I watched the singular thickness of the Momma Worm rise higher and higher into the air, only for her featureless face with nothing but a wide open O-shaped mouth to gaze down at the trespassers into her lair.

"....We're going to kill that thing."

"Eeyup."Alamo replied, the dynamite bundle already in the air.

Tell me boy, why do you invade our home? A sudden voice whispered in the back of my head. Now, either I was going crazy, or I swore something was telepathetically speaking to me. I held up a paw for Alamo to stop."Wait! Just...just wait."I told him, and he reluctantly agreed, lowering his weapon. Big Momma Worm had done nothing, only stood there staring at us.

"Did you..."I pointed up."Did you just talk to me?"

You bear a portion of dragon in you. As do I. We can communicate through means far beyond that of simple words.

"..."

You still not have answered my question, boy.

"Well....we kinda...wanna stop you from attacking Appleloosa. So we..."I restrained from saying the words 'Blew up some of your cave. It was fun!' If I knew these things were sentient and nothing feral, I wouldn't have agreed to something like this. But those ponies up top needed my help...but what if I had been endangering a creature that could think and feel? Oh fuck I'm heartless.

Ah yes...the four-legged ones. We wish them no harm in our migration, but we were forced to retaliate when you endangered us.

"Alamo...please just believe me."I turned to him."This thing...Big Momma here....is speaking to me....through my brain. And she said her worms were simply migrating."I looked back up at her."Then why didn't any of the other worms try making conversation? A whole lot of complicated stuff could've been avoided!"

They are merely children...barely in their adult stages. They could not speak with you if they wanted to. But.....Wait...

Big Momma lowered herself towards me, and I couldn't help but flinch at something so big nearing me, but no dangerous movement was made. It seemed she was only...sniffing the air or something.

You smell of......Him.

"Of whom do I smell of?"I took a quick whiff of my pits and scrunched up my snout in disgust. Man did I reek. A shower and a couple detoxifying chemicals were definitely needed...

You smell of ancient and evil and anarchy....you smell of the Chaotic One.

I knew that title anywhere. Big Momma Worm obviously meant Discord.

"Yeah, I know I look like him and everything, but trust me, I'm nothing like the guy..."

You lie boy, I can taste the filth of your magic in the air. It stains the very soil you walk upon.

She was getting mad. Her tone inside my head was taking a turn for the nasty."Look, I can't do magic, at least I don't think I can. I can breathe a little fire, and I could try some card tricks if you give me some time..."

SILENCE BOY! I will have none of your jest today! Her words became a scream inside my skull, forcing me to clutch my head in agony. It was like some teeny tiny person took a nail and was slowly punching it through my bones straight into my brain. I'd have more than a headache after this. Alamo jumped, aiming his revolver straight at her. I doubt bullets would do nothing but leave her itchy.

Every step you take desecrates this hollowed ground, me and my children have lived here in peace to escape the Chaotic One, and you bring his presence back here. We have tried to escape him for so long, even when he appeared not a fortnight ago. We try to leave and rebuild a new nest, but you and the four-legged ones above kill and force us back into hiding.

Even through the pain I heard that."Wait....Discord forced you guys to the surface?"

And you keep us here in purgatory, with the Chaotic One growing closer everyday.

Well there we go, I was finally getting a plot point without having to pester Alamo about it. I slowly shook away the aching in my head to gaze up at the massive beast hovering overhead."Look...when I arrived here, Discord said he had a plan. He obviously meant for the ponies of Appleloosa and your....children to fight. If you just give me some time, I can convince them to let you pass..."

NO!

And my brain exploded for the second time that evening.

You are allied with the four-legged ones! Yet, you are also with the Chaotic One, you bear his taint within you! This is obviously a trick, a trap set up by the beast!

"No! Just listen to reaso-"

We will have you here no longer. You will die and will feed us, just as the four-legged ones of 'Appleloosa' will feed us. The Chaotic One will not reach my children!

Well...I had no words but shit.

With that, she reared up, towering even more over my diminutive form, then charged, her gaping maw and rows of angry, bristling teeth aimed directly at me. I jumped out of the way just for her head to slam into the ground, shattering any foothold I had and forcing me onto the closest solid object: her. I clung to her side for dear life as she arched back up and shook what I considered her head to and fro, trying to shake me off as violently as she could. My claws dug deep into her thick skin, so I was going nowhere fast. My vision was a blur, but my head was clearing. Sounded Alamo's gunshots in the background. Obviously I needed to do something, I couldn't just let an entire population of ponies get eaten alive. Taking out Big Momma here sounded a good a plan as any. I took in a deep breathe, swelling my chest to as much air as my lungs could hold, and felt the tinge of heat well up inside me. I could get used to such an amazing power. With a roar, I unleashed an inferno upon her, blasting a steady stream of fire at what I thought was the bitch's eye. It seemed to work, as her roars joined with mine in a melody of mayhem that made the chamber around us shake, sending chunks of earth and stalagmites shattering to the floor. Looks like this chamber wouldn't last very long, a few more minutes both me, Alamo, and Momma here would both be taking a dirt nap, both in the literal and figurerative sense.

I ceased my firebreathing to try and make logic once more."Hey, maybe we should take this topside, so that, y'know, we don't get buried ALIVE?!"

"Good luck reasonin' with the bitch,"Alamo called up, his bullets meeting their mark but hardly doing any damage."That worked perfectly a minute ago!"

There will be none of your sarcasm today, Alamo. I sort of flipped off of her in a haphazardous acrobatic way, tumbling through the air to land on my face beside the cowpony. In any good worm fashion, she charged at us, both of us moving out of the barely in the nick of time, I could feel the sheer force from her movements as she whizzed by. This went on for some time, she'd charge, we'd dodge, and the pattern would repeat while the world around us crumbled. Started looking like a videogame to me, a boss battle of sorts, expect no weakness could be found on this one. Her thick, elephantine skin fully protected her like armor from bullets, and my fire could only do so much as irritate her.

"Any plans here?"I muttered to Alamo, the two of us starting to breathe heavy. To be honest, I liked it. Adrenaline was pumping and my head was dizzy with the energy I exerted. I always loved stuff like this that got my endorphins rushing, considering I had a very boring life back on earth, so anything with excitement was a godsend. I could use without the danger of dying though.

"Not a thing..."He replied, only to look up at the splintering chunks of rock at the ceiling. He raised his gun, reloaded it in a flash and unleashed a storm of six bullets, sending several massive chunks of earth falling, their destination: Big Momma Worm below.

We almost sighed in relief as a massive part of the ceiling landed straight on the Mother, pinning her to the ground, but we didn't know for how long. She was struggling greatly, and there were already cracks forming in the chunk of earth, signaling she would be free any second.

"Dynamite."Alamo chucked the bundle at me and I barely caught it, fumbling around with it between my hands."Y'know what ta do, pardner."

I nodded slowly and ran off towards the great writhing body of the monster, a small spark from my breath already had the dynamite fuse going fast. Once I was as close to her as I could get without getting crushed from her flailing form, I popped my furry bear elbow back, eyeballed my aim, and with my best quarterback imitation tossed the explosive as hard as I could into her open mouth, the red dissapearing into the abyss of her insides.

"Enjoy your meal!"I called out to her between cupped hands as me and Alamo ran out as fast as we could, Alamo galloping at an astounding pace, me slinking behind as fast as my patchworked body would take me, leaving me a couple paces behind. I twisted my neck while still running at the sound of a massive, collective boom echoed through the caves, the entire tunnel behind us collapsing. We high-tailed it out as the ceiling and floor gave way as fast as we were, trying it's best to consume us into the depths.

"Go, go, go, GO!"I screamed as I merely kept instinct and followed Alamo in front of me, pumping my arms and legs in rhythm with his thundering hooves. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe.

He seemed to know where he was going. Must've had some sort GPS magic in use, or we'd have ended up lost and digested long ago."Stop!"

I slammed right into him at his words, and the two of us tumbled in a mass of bodies and limbs until slamming into something solid and breathing. Another worm towered overhead, and he barely scrambled out of the way before it dug it's head into where we were just seconds before.

It's funny what life-or-death situations did a person. Some would panic and wet themselves, others would take charge and find a way out, others thrived off of the excitement and did fantastic shit only movies could imitate. I was doing a little bit of all three right about now. My senses were tinged with fear, but it heightened them. I made out several more shrieks, several more bodies of worms heading for our location. And there seemed to be some sort of light overhead, outlined with a rod or something.

I looked up, a column of solid stone shooting up for God knows how long, ending with a circle of light so far above. The support pillar!

Alamo had already set up the dynamite, this last and third bundle having the longest fuse of all, wrapping around it multiple times. Obviously enough for us to make our escape up this thing. I approached him and lit with a whiff of my breath."Okay, what now?!"I looked between the pillar and him. Ponies didn't exactly have the right bits and pieces to be climbing up a sheer face of stone. He replied by casually trotting behind me and leaping onto my back, gripping his forelegs tightly around the base of my neck."Giddeyup, pardner. We ain't gettin' outta here with ya'll just standing 'round."

I turned my head around to give one are you fucking kidding me? stare, then with a sigh I latched onto the rock with my claws, finding that they were helpful tools for our ascension. I climbed at a furious, almost monotonous machine-like pace, I didn't have time to slow down. Worms were awaiting us below with hungry gaping mouths, and a mess of explosives were ready to go off at any moment.

I was only halfway up before the boom was heard, shattering the pillar. and separating it into chunks of falling debris. i clung to one in hope that gravity would love me today and not try to kill us again.

"Double time Oddjob, c'mon!"Alamo blasted in my ears, and I slowly unhooked myself from the rock, looking up for any escape path at all. The pillar was falling in order from top to bottom, the explosion had erupted cracks all the way to the top and had divided it into falling pieces that still gave us a way to the light, but it was a diminishing window. Soon, no piece of earth would be close enough for us to leap out to sweet, sweet freedom.

I breathed in, crouched at the knees, and jumped, my legs springing us through the air like a rocket. I couldn't help but "WHOOOOO!" Like if I was on a rollercoaster, my strength vaulting us ever upwards against the rocks. I leapt from each one as fast I could, ascending up bit by bit. Finally we reached the last solid piece of ground, the hole, 30 feet in diameter, only looking several yards up. Last chance, final ride. I shook my head and sprang with every last bit of energy that remained in my fuel tanks, I'll admit, I was exhausted. My muscles screamed, my head ached, but Newton be damned that I didn't fly, my hands gripping onto the rim of the hole. With a heavy grunt I hauled us up into the desert sun, collapsing to my side onto a gritty, sandy landscape as the sounds of screams and crashing rock echoed below.

"Let's..."I breathed."Never do that again."

The Guntoter's Tale

A small light began to glimmer at the edge of my vision, the soothing darkness of rest retreating to make way for the waking world to take over my senses."Five more minutes..."I grumbled, turning over in my daze, expecting comforting and welcoming bedsheets to greet me, but harsh, solid ground took it's place as I tumbled to the dirt.

"Get up, ya idjit."Alamo's oh-so comforting voice rang in my ears.

"Five...more....minuteeeeessss...."I repeatedly hissed exasperatedly, sprawled out across the floor in the most unfitting of ways, dust from the terrain filling up my mouth and nostrils as I spoke, but I didn't care. My entire body was aching, every last inch of fur and scales begging me to stay still and recuperate.

"I'm not picking you back up."An unknown, deeper voice remarked nearby. I slowly craned my neck up to see a figure of a buffalo outlined in the dissipating sun overhead, just a corner of the sky was tinged blue, the rest a fiery dawn that would soon make way for its sister night. I recognized the guy....Running Rock? Little River....some name I would never be able to recall due to its simplicity. Give me a mid to long name, I've got you down. Short and simple, you'll be forgotten. Occasionally it was reversed. My memory likes to fuck with me from time to time."Where...where are we?"I halfheartedly mumbled as I stood back up, wobbling on my feet due to exhaustion. I literally bellowed from the pain of standing back up. Killing an entire colony of monsters and scraping your way up to freedom didn't sound like it would take such a toll back when we were just talking about doing it.

"Few minutes walk out from Appleloosa."Alamo replied from siting atop one of the twin buffalo's back.

"Well look at you, downright comfy."I smirked at him as I began to shuffle alongside the buffalo who had previously carried me, though he didn't seem too eager to give me a lift again."Ugh..."I stretched my back, feeling a good few joints pop in relief."How long was I out?"

"Most of the night, we've been walking for about a day now."The buffalo nearest to me answered. It sounded like me to almost sleep an entire day away."You and Alamo were in the Worm Caves for all of yesterday, and you only appeared in the late afternoon. We found you out cold and Alamo with his firearm readied."He sounded a tad annoyed at the end of his sentence. It was then I noticed a small graze mark on the side of his face, a neat shave line of naked skin against shaggy brown fur.

"Sorry 'bout firing at ya, pardner. Ah was still a mite nervous...a-dreen-oo-line and all that."What was that I heard in the cowpony's voice? Embarrassment? A small smile cracked from my fangs.

As we continued walking, I looked up, off in the distance and nary thirty minutes away, the buildings of Appleloosa arced over the depressing landscape.

Suffice to say, we were given a hero's welcome.

Out from their homes, apple orchards and saloons the ponies of Appleloosa came at us in all of a mob's power, the two buffalo somehow disappearing all together and leaving Alamo and I to take the surge of their multi-colored bodies. We were hefted up onto the top of the crowd by the burliest of the able-bodied cowponies, their cheers long ringing in our ears and into the desert night.

We were brought inside one of the still standing saloons that had been undamaged in the previous attacks, the wooden building packed with just about the entire populace of the small settling. They finally settled us both down to the coughing of the Sheriff, who stood in front of us with a satisfied grin brimmed with his ample facial hair."Ah'm proud of you boys."A nod and a wink at the two of us sent the crowd into an uproar of more cheering, but they were settled down by the lawnpony's raised hoof. obviously they were all ready to celebrate, but the Sheriff needed their excitement to be bottled just for a little longer.

"Alamo, ya done good. Just like you always have."

"Not a problem,"They both tipped their hats. Must be some uber-respect thing cowboy-esque men did, people and ponies alike. Then he turned to me, another hat tip. I just nodded.

"And Oddjob, yer a funny looking fella, but ya get the job done right. Ya saved our town, and we're mighty obliged to ya."

Aww....now I was blushing. Luckily I had scales too thick to see the blood. Green blushing just would've made the situation awkward. Then everybody would hate me again and I'd have to throw myself back into the worm pit.

A small stretch of silence went across the bar, and the Sheriff looked about as if the rest of the quiet ponies were crazy now, his old and craggy eyes showing a glint of mischief beneath their milky pupils."C'mon now ya idjits! We can start the hullabaloo now! Break out the Scotch and Cider! Grab yerself a purty gal or handsome cowpoke ta dance with!"

All at once they exploded into a frenzy of drunken joy and square dancing. I had never seen anybody, whether pony or man, quicken themselves into a stupor faster than these Appleloosians right here. Everywhere my eyes wandered I spotted something that was utterly ridiculous or funny or idiotic or a combination of all three plus a bit of insanity on the side. One table had multiple cowponies seeing who could outdrink one another, a pile of glasses with a bit of the beer's foam in it formed itself on the table. There was no true winner. All they succeeded in doing was collapsing over one another, hiccuping and blathering the total number of drinks they had downed. One stallion claimed he was up to 28. Another, eleventy-thousand. I'll just assume the one with the more reasonable number was correct. Another spot in the bar had what I could tell was a pony equivalent of a fistfight. Two Mares were up on the hind legs, furiously batting away at each with their front hooves. In a moment all seemed forgiven and they were chuckling to one another. Outside I could see a couple of younger foals had somehow managed to get atop the Sheriff's Office, an old shriveled up ball of a mare yelling at them to come down. It was glorious. It was beautiful. It was chaos.

I suddenly jerked my head up at the word still ringing into the folds of my sub-conscience. Why did I just say that? Chaos. Chaos. Chaos. There was something dangerous underlying each syllable, each letter holding a tinge of power. I half enjoyed the feeling of simply thinking such a thought, half despised such a thing crossing my mind. No. Discord had left me alone the past couple of days, but I feared for the rest of Equestria. He bothered the worms enough to send them into a homicidal rage to eat an entire town. What was he going to do to me? Fortunately, his influence didn't seem to affect me at all beyond the fact that I was held together by his magic. I was safe. I was fine.

...Right?

With worry still playing at me hard like a game of Basketball, with me as the ball, I walked across the saloon to seat myself at the counter, the bartender almost immediately dashing up to me with a smile for the service. Huh. Saving an entire town must automatically boost the whole 'reputation' thing with them. Now, if they could just get past my devilishly handsome Frankenstein looks...

"What can Ah get ya, Oddjob?"

I turned my head to the side, a barmaid busily guzzling down what appeared to be frothy apple juice. i knew better."I'll have what she's having."I jabbed my clawed thumb through the air at her.

"Anythin' else?"

"....What do you have to eat other than hay?"

He nodded and dashed off to get whatever I just ordered. As I waited, impatiently tapping my claws along the countertop, careful not to make any scratches in the wood, the poncho-wearing pony Alamo came up and settled himself right beside me, greeting me with the customary ten-gallon hat tip."Howdy Oddjob."

"'Sup Alamo."

We kinda just sat there, letting the rambunctious noise around us fill in what could be our conversation. Quicker than a minute's time the bartender returned, setting down a tall bottle of the alcoholic drink I chose along with a plate of not just hay, but stacked as high as it could be with an assortment of everything edible with apples. He even brought Alamo a jug of what I assumed was moonshine, considering the bottle had that funny little three X's labeled across it. I took my own bottle, uncorked it, and set it up high in the air."Cheers mate."I grinned at him."Eeyup."He replied, the two of us clinking our drinks together. We reared our heads back, titled our bottles, and down the hatch went the combination of cold and burn of apple cider down my throat. I coughed and sputtered a bit. Stuff was powerful, but left an overwhelming sweet taste in my mouth a refreshing feeling in my gut. G'Damn, the Apple family knew how to make them some cider.

"Sooo...."I began after a few more controlled sips of my own drink. Alamo was downing his like no tomorrow and appeared more sober than I ever could.

"Ya tend to say that a lot when ya wanna say somethin' stupid."

"Just wanna know something."

"What?"He turned to look at me in his stoic, judgmental gaze. I would never ever be able to get used to it.

"Back in the caves...you said you've seen a lot. Care to share a story or two, old-timer?"I tried to appeal to his older side. Old people liked to babble on about their youth. It's what every grandma or grandpa did when I visited the retirement home. My ears did not survive that day. Every single geezer wished to tell me of how it was better in their time.

"...Ah don't like talkin' 'bout it much. Not much to tell anyways."

"C'mon...gotta have a few up in the old vault you wanna let out."

He sighed deeply, only to take another long drought of his moonshine. He tapped his now empty bottle against the counter and it was almost instantly replaced with a new fresh spout of drunk-inducer juice."If'n ya really want ta know..."

And here we go.

"Ah was born out here. The desert's my home, more so than any shack Ah could ever settle down in. Dirt's in my blood, sun's in my fur. Spent a good bit of my childhood just roaming with ma....pa left us high and dry when Ah was a tiny thing, barely remember the horny-toed liar."

"You ever found him?"I reclined in my seat for a much for comfortable story-listening position, followed by a swift glug of the sweet cider.

"Yup, sure did. 'Bout in my teen years when Ah was gettin' rebellious. Found 'im lying dead in a ditch with a shovel, a wanted poster, and a empty six-shooter by his hooves and a whole lotta dead-eyes 'round him."

".....Dead-eyes?"

"The most recently de-cee-asteded."

"Sounds like your old man was hardcore."

"Could be. Don't know, never will. No town 'round that area would talk about 'im. But enough about my pa. Went into this gang one time, outlaws. Didn't sit well with them."

"Wait..."I held out my hands."You joined a gang of criminals? And you're still here, not behind Sheriff Mustache's bars?"

"Desert's different than the rest of Equestria. Blessed Celestia can't keep track of everythin' goin' on this kingdom. Her fancy-schmancy knights never bother ta come out this far anyways."

That was a shocker. Equestria seemed to become less and less like paradise the longer I stayed.

"Anyways....the gang. Oh yeah...shot 'im all. Collected the bounty of each and every one of their heads.Hads me a nice bag of bits too. Wasted it on cards and ended up in a debt to some...idjits who couldn't hold a gun right with their magic if they had a how-to book right in front of 'im. Shot them too. Didn't get no bits though."

Another sip of cider. I found the bottle to be empty of it's amazing contents. I clinked it against the counter to see for a refill, but it seemed the barkeep was too busy helping the drunken stallions from earlier get back on all fours. I simply dismissed my lack of drink and turned to the food. I grabbed a handful of apple fritters and stuff them into my toothy gob, Alamo continuing with his life's tale.

"There was a war goin' on a whiles back...helped with that. Involved some warring tribes of buffalo...east and west. They were fightin' over who's 'sacred land' was who's. All Ah know is I shot a lot of 'im that day..."He paused to look at his drink, taking the smallest sip I've ever seen. He slowly let the alcohol roll down his throat before continuing. He seemed...distant now. Regretful I wanted to say.

"Settled down here in Appleloosa after that. Nopony's bothered me since 'till you arrived."

"....Do I say 'sorry' or 'you're welcome'?"

"Either one would do, Oddjob."He held up his bottle again. I grabbed mine, which somehow was magically refilled once more. I looked to see the bartender back behind the counter, polishing off some glasses, singing a western tune to himself. Blighter was fast, had to give him that.

I tapped my bottle to Alamo's once more, the glass making a light chink through the air as we downed our drinks and reveled into the night. It was the pretty sweet being drunk after such a harrowing ordeal, but my head would suffer greatly in the morning.

"......He's beginning to manifest."

"Much slower than the rest of us...."

"But that doesn't mean we should lower our guard. After all, he was the first one to arrive."

"We should kill him now! Safe the trouble later! He betrayed us by killing the worms!"

"Now now children,"Discord waved his paws, instantly settling the bickering voices before him."Let's not get ahead of ourselves."He allowed a sly smiled to play against his perfectly discordant features."Besides, we wouldn't want the game to end too quickly..."

Enters a Knight

A billow of steam gently rolled over the early morning sky of the yellow-hued desert as a train came to a grinding halt on its tracks for Appleloosa's only train station. The door creaked open, revealing three ponies to step out. Two on the left and right were unicorns, very common with their white fur, but bearing the golden armor of Celestia's Solar Guard. The one in the middle, was a tad more superfluous in his appearance. He was lean as a whippet, but sturdy as iron in muscle tone. He wore golden armor as the others, but this armor had jewels emblazoned into the metal, and even a bit of extravagant feathers jutting from the helmet. He tipped open his visor, bright green eyes full of disdain as they took in the rustic landscape. He took in a sharp whiff of air, only to give a cough.

"Yuck."His tone had that of a Canterlot official, high and mighty in every syllable."It smells like...earth pony out here."He 'hmmphed' as the horn protruding from a slot in the helmet glowed, closing his visor to hide his face from the rest of the world.

"Come."He motioned to the guards on either side of him, walking into town, his armored hooves heavily clacking against the dirt.

"..."

I groaned inwardly as I slowly reared my head up, a powerful thumping inside my brain causing me to clutch it in pain. I wasn't the only one who was recovering from the night before, dozens of moans echoed across the town as ponies revived themselves from the stupor they had drunken themselves into. Wiping the crust from the eyes, I stretched up to my full height, pleasantly surprised that I didn't bump into any ceiling. When I opened my eyes, I found that I had somehow ended up outside, sleeping in a pile of empty barrels that had probably once contained a gallon each of the famous spiced cider.

"Ya got quite the thirst for the cider there,"

I slowly turned around to view Alamo casually leaning against the wall of the saloon, a levitating bottle already leaving his lips.

"...Didn't you drink enough last night?"I ask as I approached him slowly, working the kinks out of my muscles that left them stiff and sore.

"Never can drink enough, that's what Ah always say."

"Unless you get alcohol poisoning. Then maybe that's enough."I quipped at him, still trying to get the hangover off of me, but it bore down like a wet heavy rug.

The old pony seemed to consider this, then dismissed my claims with a "Nah" and another swig of his whiskey.

We simply stood there, content with relaxing against the saloon, watching the morning unfold in the small town. Children awoke to their hungover parents, eagerly urging them to get up. Those still reeling from the party were ambling around haphazardly as they made their way across the roads, kicking up dirt with their unsteady hoofsteps.

"Glad ta see ya'll are awake."

We turned our heads slightly to see Mr. Mustache himself come up to us, the Sheriff seemingly unaffected by the debauchery of last night.

"Mornin'."Alamo greeted him.

"Hey."I gave a slight wave, only for the claw to go back to holding my scaly forehead. Man, my head was killing me. Note to self: Never drink cider again...at least not too much.

"Ya'll seen the newcomers?"The Sheriff motioned with his head towards three extremely out of place unicorns making their way down the street towards us, getting odd glances from the sober ponies they passed. They were all heavily outfitted with armor, glowing brightly in the morning sun. What made it all the more interesting was that what they were wearing is the armor I had seen from the guards that patrolled Celestia's Castle. I was about to meet some legit Canterlot ponies, for whatever reason it may be.

"Greetings."The one in the middle spoke directly to the Sheriff, ignoring Alamo and I, but I really couldn't tell if he was shocked by my appearance, guy wore a knight's visor, completely blocking his face.

"I,"He held up a hoof for a grand gesture."Am Sir Vorpal, one of Celestia's most esteemed knights of the Royal Guard, monster slayer extraordinaire, and a high nobleman of Canterlot."

Sheesh, the guy liked to hear himself talk, even if it did sound a little tinny through his helmet.

"...And?"The Sheriff asked, his eyes glazed over with boredom.

"And?"Vorpal mimicked him as if he was offended."And, I've come to be rid of your worm problem you've sent so distressingly to Canterlot. We would have been here sooner, but your train is so...slow."

"No need for it."The Sheriff replied.

"...Pardon me?"

"Somepony already took care of the problem...if'n ya can call him a pony."

"Who would dare steal a task of knight?!"He seemed furious at these words, the two guards beside him looking at their superior uneasily. I gulped a tad.

"Oddjob over here,"The Sheriff motioned his head over at me, to which I gave a weak little wave at the golden-gleamed knight.

"And what,"He marched over to me, staring right up at me with his visored face. I could literally feel the heat coming off of this guy.

"In Celestia's holy name is an 'Oddjob'?!"

"Uhh...me."

In a flash I was flat on my back, Sir Vorpal bearing down on me with a blade magically produced from thin air, his horn glowing gold, his sword a physical embodiment of his aura, to which the tip was pointed directly at my throat. The energy coming off the blade was intense, as if the air itself was giving way to sharpness of the weapon. Magical strength was probably affected by the unicorn's current emotional state, and this Vorpal blighter was obviously seething at the moment.

"You sir, have stolen the direct deed of a knight! It was not your duty to do this!"He screamed from inside his visor. I could imagine him frothing at the mouth, his rage so evident.

A small click of a gun cocking was heard, and Alamo leveled the barrel of his revolver beside Vorpal's head."Now pardner,"He began, to which the guards produced their own blades, pointing at him. We had a little standoff going on over here. I'd be excited if a sword wasn't about to skewer my throat.

"Ah'd put that fancy-schmancy toothpick of yours away if'n Ah was you, 'fore we have ta send a letter to Almighty Celestia, lettin' her know one of her guards tried to kill a civilian."

A tense moment so thick you could swim through it hung in the air. Vorpal's sword at me, Alamo's gun at Shiny over here, and the two guards at Alamo.

Finally, Vorpal hopped off of me and withdrew his sword, the golden blade of magical energy simply vanishing into nothing. I breathed a sigh of relief as I stood back up, rubbing my neck where the tip was poking just moments before. Alamo placed his gun in its holster with his own aura, but still carefully eying the three ponies before us. The Sheriff had simply stood by, and I had taken it for lack of care, but when I looked into his face, I knew that he knew Alamo had it under control. Him and I were buddies now. I suppose killing a few dozen giant worms did that to fellas.

Sir Vorpal coughed, a light little 'harrumph' that tried to break away the following awkwardness."Well then...Oddjob..."He forced out my name as if it stung his tongue."I suppose...you should be rewarded for your services to the...good people...of Appleloosa."

I perked up at the sound of 'reward', a big toothy grin settling across of maw.

"You will receive compensation for your deeds equivalent to the number of slain beasts and their total worth as a whole. Now, how many of these worms did you kill?"

Me and Alamo shared a quick glance and a smirk.

"About a hundred or so?"I began.

"Naw, Ah want to say at least two-hundred."

"There was a lot more chasing use than that..."

"Plus, we did stop all those eggs from hatching...at least a hundred more after that."

Vorpal only stood there, solemn and quiet beneath his helmet.

"...We'll just settle for..."I tried to come up with a number. How could bits, their currency, be equivocated to human money back home? I really didn't want to consider the exchange rates.

"A thousand bits."Alamo stated.

"...Very well."

Vorpal flicked his horn, and from nowhere a bag was produced, bulging from the gold bits inside. He tossed it over by my feet, the coins inside chinkling loudly.

"Straight from Celestia's pocket herself. Canterlot thanks you, and Equestria thanks you."He gave a brief nod before curtly turning around on his back legs, walking back towards the train station, his two lackeys streaming behind.

I picked up the bag, light to me, and opened it up, revealing the thousand bits inside.

"...What do I do with it?"

"Did you see that thing?!"The guard to Vorpal's left gasped out.

"Freakiest creature ever! Probably from the Discord-Era of Equestria."The one on the right replied.

Vorpal came to a halt, to which the two followed his actions. he turned around and flipped open his helmet, eying the two warily, his intense green eyes piercing into them. Sweet Celestia, they always hated it when he did that. It was as if his eyes were of another world or something.

"You are correct in saying that creature comes from Discord...it was a Jabberwock."

"But.."One guard piped up."Aren't they..y'know...extinct?"

Vorpal's helmet lifted up, revealing a gaunt face, but his features sharp, a red, flowing mane falling down his neck and back. His mouth held a wide, manic grin.

"Not anymore."

Disciples of a Mad God

"So uhh...what do I do with it?"

"Buy stuff."

"I know that, but what?"

"I'd recommend Alcohol."

"...Is that the only thing you drink...ever?"

Alamo and I sat in the saloon that we had partied in the previous night, most of the mess cleaned up by now. The Barkeep was in his usual spot behind the counter, cleaning glasses. Both of our eyes fell on the bag of one thousand bits before us, trying to figure out what to with such a sum of money.

"Well, first off, since both of us took out the worms, why don't we split it even?"I recommended, tapping the bag with a claw, the gold clinking inside.

"Sounds fair 'nuff."He replied, taking a swig of his whiskey, only for the bottle to drop empty air into his mouth. He swished it around thoughtfully, listening for any of his precious liquid inside, then tossed it aside once he figured that it had run out, the bottle breaking upon contact with the floor. The Barkeep gave Alamo a wary glance as he went to go clean up the broken glass.

"Pardon me,"Alamo stood up and tipped his hat in my direction."Ah'll be right back, gotta use the latrine."He stepped outside, the swinging doors creaking once, twice, upon his departure, leaving me alone with the bag.

Now, to be honest, I didn't really see much use with the thousand bits. I had no idea how much a bit equaled to a single dollar of currency, and I had no shred of information on the economy of Equestria. Was it good? Was it bad? Did inflation happen, were there taxes to be thought of? What I concluded was, that a thousand bits was simply a thousand bits. And a thousand anything must mean a lot of money, right?

The doors swung again, and I turned, expecting to see my favorite cowpony, only for The Sheriff to come through, sitting opposite of me.

"Now Oddjob, there's something Ah gotta warn ya about."He began, his mustache moving with his words.

I tilted my head curiously and blinked a few times."Warn me of what?"I asked, and regretted what was going to come out of his mouth. Why can't there ever be any good news for once? Like 'Oh, you just got an A+ on that test you ddin't study for!' Or, 'We baked you all of your favorite desserts into one diabetes-inducing cake!'

"Ah overheard you and Alamo talkin' last night. You heard his story, right?"

I nodded.

"Well, there's a lot more to it than that. You heard that he was...in debt, right?"

"Yeah...but he...shot all the ones he was in debt to."

"Just the ones that were nearby. Alamo didn't tell ya everythin'."He leaned in closer, his eyes looking around conspicuously."He got in debt way up in Las Pegasus, city of lights and sin, Ah tell you what. It's one of them pegasus cities in the clouds, 'cept this ones specialty is robbin' ya blind and leavin' ya without a bit to yer name."

"..."

"He got in debt ta one of the biggest crime families up there. The poor feller barely made it back to Appleloosa, all beat up and even a few bullet holes in 'em. We patched him up, and he's spent his time down here, laying low. Looks like that crime family didn't want ta bother sending there goons into a town where even a filly knows how ta use a six-shooter."

"...What are you getting at here?"I questioned, looking at the Sheriff closely. His hardened eyes did not leave mine.

"Ah'm just saying that ya'll should watch out for Alamo Wall when money is laying 'round. It a...tends to disappear and go into his little bank account ta repay that family. And it looks like there's just enough bits here to end his debt and let him have a bit more gambling on the side."

I shook my head."I don't believe you."I crossed my mix-matched arms."Alamo wouldn't do that. I mean...we just spent the past three days together stopping an army of giant worms for crying out loud. I think that built a little level of trust between us."

"You don't know 'im like I do, Oddjob. He'll pull something."

The doors swinging open interrupted us. We both turned to look at Alamo, already another whiskey bottle floating by his face.

"Pull what?"Alamo questioned before swigging down the burning nectar. He let out a satisfied belch afterwards.

"Oh, nothin' ta worry yerself about, Alamo."The Sheriff stood up and made his way for the exit.

"What was that about?"He asked as he took his seat back in front of me.

"Nothing Alamo, nothing."I replied.

A burst of light from the nearby window awakened me, the sliver of light directly piercing my eye. I moaned as I heaved myself out of bed, careful not to mash my head into the ceiling. I was in the hospital room that I had occupied just a few nights ago, most of it empty now, but to the patients still in it, they were more than happy to welcome me into it. I even chatted with some of them before heading off to sleep. Obviously saving their town changed their tone towards me.

Doc Patches was nowhere to be seen, as he had spent his time behind Sheriff Mustache's bars in the town jail, leaving the healing of the still injured to the mediocre talent of some local mothers.

I made my way out of the hospital, stretching my lean body to it's full length in the wonderful sunshine. Did I mentioned how much I loved here in the desert? It was as if the serpentine side of me practically reveled in the heat and dust.

A march of clopping hooves alerted me to turn my head, the Sheriff's Deputy making his way towards me frantically. He skidded to a stop in the dirt, breathing a bit heavily.

"O-O...Odd..."He tried to heave out my equestrian name.

"Settle down man..."I tried to remember his full name, but I don't ever recall it actually being said...I just referred to him as Deputy.

"What's up?"I ask him once he caught his breath.

"It's...Alamo..."

"What about the old-timer?"

"He's...he's done something."

"...?"I pulled a worried glance at him.

"Just follow me to the train station."

He galloped away, and I kept up a light jog behind him to keep up. He seemed awfully upset. I wonder what had happened while I was asleep?

We made our way onto the station's plaza, three trainworkers in overalls around a body on the ground. The Deputy came up to them worriedly, and I walked up, wincing at the sight. The Sheriff lay on the ground, still breathing, but a heavy blow to his head had caused a nasty swelling bruise on his temple and a bit of blood to seep down his face.

"Sheriff...what happened?!"I asked, kneeling down.

"Yer friend, that's what happened..."He slowly got on all four hooves with the help of one of the workers.

"Ah saw Alamo earlier this morning headin' for the station, the sun barely rising over the land, so it was pretty dark. Something I as a law official should investigate? Yes. He was probably waitin' on the next train outta town. Now, color me suspicious, but there seemed to be something...bulging from underneath his poncho. Maybe a bag of...oh say, a thousand bits?"The Sheriff barked out at me.

A face of shock and unbelief fell upon my features. I had happily left the bag with Alamo the night before to prove Mr. Mustache wrong. By his story, it seemed I was the one being proven.

"Ah caught up to him, tried to talk. 'Fore Ah could do anythin', he spins around and pistol-whips me inta next week. The next thing Ah know, it's daylight and the trainworkers are around mah semi-conscious self."

"Alamo caught the 6:00 train headin' towards the station that leads to Las Pegasus."One of the workers said."He's probably already there by now."

"Told ya."The Sheriff shook his head as he was lead off to the Hospital for some bandaging, leaving me alone with the Deputy.

"Alamo's a good pony, Oddjob. It's just that...he's had this debt for a long time...and the chance came around for him to get rid of it..."He tried to reason.

"When's the next train leave?"I asked, looking to the train right in front of us.

"Oh...few minutes or so."

I pulled open the door, the steel frame bending easily as I shoved it to one side to get it open. I ducked into the train car, stooping low as to not hit my head. Once inside, I pulled the door shut. It'd work again, albeit with a crushed handprint around the rim of the door.

"Where are you going?!"The Deputy ran up to the window just as the conductor boarded the train, shouting "All Aboooooard!"

"Gonna go get Alamo. Probably punch a little sense into him."I replied, sitting down in an aisle.

A fresh stack of steam rolled out of the train's engine, the wheels beginning to turn down the track. I waved goodbye to the dumbfounded Deputy as the train picked up speed and went down towards my next destination of Equestria: Las Pegasus.

I was the only one on the train other than the conductor, who stayed cooped up in the control room. I kinda liked the peace and quiet, reminded me of my room...if my room had a window that showed a rolling landscape before me. A paltry desert of sand and cacti gave way to green fields of blooming flowers and trees, the Equestria that was known in the MLP cartoon. As the train steadily pumped along the tracks, a sense of ease began to settle in me despite the circumstances. Alamo probably had a good reason to take the money. All I had to do was find him, and speak with the chap. We'd make up, have a good laugh, and spend the money together. Everything would soon be good and dandy again.

I leaned back in my seat, letting the calm wash over me, closing my eyes for a quick nap. I'd be fresh and prepared for the rest of the day that way.

It was only when a physical body that popped out of thin air right beside me caused me to panic.

I slammed around and stumbled out of my seat, jumping to my feet, only to knock my head on the ceiling, the very thing I've been trying to avoid. I rubbed the bump forming along my scales and looked at the oddity that had just appeared before me.

"Discord."I whispered the words.

"It's so great to see you again!"The Draconequus chuckled at me as he sat comfortably on the aisle, one leg cross over the other and a glass of chocolate milk in his hand. He daintily sipped it, the glass itself being sucked up instead of the liquid.

"What do you want?"I warily asked as I sat opposite of him. After learning what he did with the worms, I had been wondering when the chaos-maker would show up again.

"Oh,"He chugged down the entire glass, the literal glass, and allowed the milk to simply splash all over the upholstery."Just wanting to see how you were doing, Dismay. Or, so I've heard that it's Oddjob now?"

"It's Oddjob."I replied quickly, not really wanting to get in a conversation with him, but knowing it would be futile not to. He appeared to me for a reason, and the egotistical being would love to hear himself talk my ears off.

"Pity, the name I chose you would have gone so lovingly well with the others."

"...The others?"I raised an eye quizzically at him.

"Oh yes, that's right, you haven't met them yet!"He lightly rapped his knuckles against his forehead."How silly of me. Allow me to introduce the others that I invited to Equestria."

"Others?"I repeated as he waved a monstrous arm, the once empty train cart now filled with other beings, each one holding a different gaze upon me, and each one vastly different in appearance. Suffice to say, I was dramatically shocked.

"This is Decay."Discord pointed at the one closest to him, the creature holding a very wide smirk across his face. He was obviously built after Discord as I was, a draconequus or a jabberwock, his long and slender body outstretching, entirely covered in black fur or scales. He was like a living shadow, except for his face. painted upon his draconic features, face paint in the form of a stark white skull was slathered upon him, his dead, glossy eyes void amongst the white.

"Ooh, and that's Riot and Ruin over there! I'm positively proud of how they came out."Discord's finger went to a creature in the sitting in the far back of the cart.

I had to do a double take when viewing...'them'. A body of a bright green pony with no cutie mark sat in the seat, but protruding from the neck came two heads, the one to the left male, the right female. The male one had a slicked-back, darker green mane, the female, her hair zig-zagging every which way. But what they did share was their violet eyes and permanent grimace.

"How do they..."I began as I stared at their conjoined body."...Go?"

Discord leaned in close to whisper to me."To be frank, I have no idea either."

He clapped his hands and continued on."over there's Bereft...."He motioned to a giant, space filling Griffin who had some spastic movements every once in a while, and not jerky either, whenever he shook, the air around him seemed to distort and bend with him, giving the few inches around the male griffin's body a twisted view.

"Then there's Hysteria..."My dichromatic gaze fell upon what could only be called a harpy. Elegant in her human form, yet feathered like a bird, her hands and feet taloned. She grinned at me, only for rows of razor sharp teeth that equaled mine to greet me.

"Anarchy..."He was a gargoyle.

"Dissonance..."A zebra, except the striped patterns along his body was constantly shifting.

"Strife..."I do believe she was a...pegasus? All I could see running down his back were dozens and dozens of wings.

"Disaster..."Literally a living tornado. He could've been a wisp, but he constantly hurled his etheral body in a spinning motion.

"And finally...Grief."Another draconequues, or jabberwocky, or...I don't know. It was hard to tell whenever they didn't show any sign of chaotic powers. She was the distant of them all, gazing out the window solemnly. She was sleeker and smaller than myself or Decay. Her torso bore grey fur. Actually, overall, she was almost entirely grey in different shades, the only differentiating factor the body parts. Her legs were elegant gazelle's, her arms scaled like a dragon's. Her face appear bovine.

"Got a...theme running with their names, huh?"I said.

"Yep. Fits them, don't you think?"Discord giggled like a school girl after introducing those he had twisted into his image. I felt pity for some of them. This was a peaceful world, and they entered it looking like...this. I didn't fare any better.

"Did they even want to come here?"I turned to look at the seemingly god, the others in the cart awfully quiet.

"Oh, each one had a different contract with me. All you have to worry about,"He patted me atop the head like a child."Is the one we signed. Now, if you'll excuse us,"He snapped his fingers, all of them instantly disappearing.

"We have plans. Ta-ta for now!"

At the end of his sentence, he was gone as well, leaving me alone once more.

Vice & Virtue, At Your Service

Slowly, the winding wheels of the train came to steady halt, a metallic screech echoing through the air. I opened the partially working door and stepped outside, immediately assaulted by a wall of lights and sound.

I was in a train station hub that almost reminded me of New York's own Grand Central, filled with the chattering of conversation and trains coming and going. A staircase from the track lead to a lobby stuffed with ponies of all shapes and sizes. Slowly I made my way down the stairs, some ponies looking up at me with wide eyes of fear, others with disgust What, had they ever seen a jabberwocky before? I guessed not, since my 'kind' was related to Discord. Some were probably still reeling from when the spirit of disharmony turned all of Equestria into his private playtoy way back at the beginning of season two. As I trodded through the crowd easily, considering they all cleared a path for me, I heard a young colt out of the corner of eye whisper to his mother.

"Mommy, why does he look so funny?"The small unicorn pointed a hoof at me. I smiled at him as gently as possible, only for his mother to give me the evil eye and wheel her son far away from me.

"Ssh, it's not polite to stare at...it."I heard her say as she disappeared into the safety of the crowd. Bejeezus lady, teach your kid to be hateful and racially insensitive for the rest of his life, that'll get him loads of friends later on. I sighed and continued on, every pony I passed yelping and scurrying away from my beastly form. Maybe I should try to hide myself? I did stick out like a horrible misshapen thumb amongst the smaller equestrians.

I stepped outside, drinking in the fresh air and sunlight after being stuck on that train for almost five hours. From what I could really gather from the sun's position, I had left around nine in the morning, and it was two in the afternoon now, the heat of the day just settling in. I looked around, and was flabbergasted.

Tall, towering skyscrapers reached into the air, and hundreds of ponies rushed by one another in the sidewalks, wagons and carts taking up the streets, going from their day to day business. Off in the distance, nestled atop some small hills, the words Applewood took up the horizon. Hmm...must've been the equivalent of Hollywood in the human world. Maybe I'd run into some pony celebrities around here? Not that I knew any, of course.

A small newsstand down the way caught my attention. I walked up to it, twice as tall as the cubicle's roof, forcing me to bend my head low to speak to the pony inside. She jumped out of her skin as my draconic face entered her field of vision, pressing herself up against the back wall, nervously straining to get as far away from me as possible.

"Excuse me...uh, ma'm?"I smiled as sweetly as possible, gave her the gentlest tone in my voice, and even batted my eyelashes a little. Had to work the charms.

"Quick question, how can I get to Los Pegasus from here, and follow-up question, is there any clothing store nearby that could accommodate a creature of my...stature?"

"Uhm..."Her eyes darted to any open space in which she could exit through. I extended out my arms casually, gripping the sides of the stand, my frame filling the space between the counter and the outside world. She shrank further away from me.

"Ma'm, just answer my questions, and I'll be on my way."I stated calmly.

She slowly pointed a hoof upwards.

I looked up, only seeing blue sky and a a large cluster of clouds lazily drifting overhead. A small ding went off in my head. Los Pegasus was, obviously, a pegasus city, so of course it'd be located in the sky. Now, getting up there would be another story all together, but I would worry about that later.

"And the clothes?"

She gingerly placed a map of the city in front of me, trembling the entire time.

"Much obliged."I grinned as I swiped up the map and unfurled it, taking in the local area. Lucky for me, the shopping district was right around the corner. I followed the map, bumping into a few ponies here and there on accident, who were sent scrambling away from me, until I came upon what appeared to be my desired destination.

Looking up from the map, my eyes befell upon a store called Stallions and Stronghorses, with a little slogan underneath it,'For those big ponies who can't find a plow to fit them.' I shrugged. Sounded like a place Big Macintosh would find himself at. I opened the door, entered, and to my surprise, I didn't bump my tall head against the ceiling. The place was designed for those larger than the average smaller pony.

A portly orange earth pony who was a head taller than most others, but still short compared to me, clopped over and greeted me with a hefty laugh."My, you're a big one!"He chuckled, extending a hoof. I slowly shook it before we both retracted after the hoof/clawshake. This was the best reception I've gotten yet! A small smile played upon my maw.

"They grow you teenage dragons real quick and real big in the Scorched Lands, don't they?"

I kept quiet, seeing as he was partly right that I was a dragon. He motioned for me to follow him into the store."Now, what are you looking for, son? Something big enough to hide you from the crowds, am I right?"He gave a sly, knowing wink at me, to which I grinned."Actually, yeah! That'd be pretty helpful."

"Then look no further! We have plenty in our stock to choose from for a big lad such as yourself, and a bit of...questionable fireproof merch in the back if you're interested."

"Yes please!"I nodded eagerly before I paused."How'd you know?"

"Oh, I get plenty of...unique customers stopping in here every once in a while, usually on their way to Los Pegasus up above."He replied.

The course of the next hour or so was spent searching for and trying on clothes. What can I say, I'm a diva like that. After much decision, I settled upon three main items. A black trilby sat atop my head, tilted back nicely, which the spines it covered easily bent underneath it, hiding those. A matching black high collar jacket that slimly fit around my serpentine frame, and several thick scarves that bundled around my long neck. Overall, I looked pretty spiffy, if I do say so myself.

"Nice..."I breathed as I tugged at the cuffs around my wrists, staring at my now clothed self in the mirror. It beat being naked by a long shot.

"You look good,"The fat orange pony, who I had come to be known as Big Bucks, complimented."Now, will that be bits, credit, trade, or a tab?"

My face slackened. I had utterly forgotten that I had zilch cash on me, thanks to Alamo. I nervously turned to him with a forced grin."Could I...uh...open a tab? I'm good for it, I swear."

He only gazed at me, amused."You don't have any bits, do you? And I doubt you can get some easily."

"C'mon Bucks...I'm just a poor jabberwocky,"He titled his head curiously at my species."Trying not to stand out of the crowd. The clothes can hide me from too many eyes."

He allowed a sly grin to spread across his robust face."Maybe we can work out a deal."

I really didn't like the sound of that.

"Now, do you understand what to do?"Big Bucks asked me as we walked side by side. I wasn't nearly getting as much attention as I did before. The clothing did well to hide my erratic features. Ponies we passed by who didn't worry to look close enough probably took me for a Griffin standing on their hindlegs or even a minotaur.

I nervously gulped."Yeah."

"Good."He guffawed warmly."All you do is hand off the satchel,"He tapped the bag strapped across my shoulder."To a zebra. Got it?"

"Zebra."I repeated.

"She'll be in an alleyway just across from the station. No looking in the satchel, no talking to her, just place it on the ground, and go. You get to keep your clothes, and you get a free pass into Los Pegasus!"He laughed again as he handed me several bits for the entrance fee into the cloud city, to which I jammed into my coat pocket.

"Good luck."He patted me on the back before turning around. I looked onwards to see a line that went on into a series of air balloons that would lead up to the pegasi realm above. I stepped into the line and tried to act casual, whistling a bit, but only found that that caused puffs of embers to blow from my mouth, so I simply shut it tight until I got up to the front of the line. A beige unicorn in a stewardess outfit warmly greeted me.

"Hello sir, and welcome to Los Pegasus Balloon Travel. Would you like to purchase a ticket and a spell into the city?"

"Um...yes please?"I took out the gold bits and held them out, to which she telekinetically took them and placed them in a nearby register. Next, a brief flash from her horn, and a small field of magical aura surrounded me, only to vanish seconds later.

"There you go sir. The spell will allow you walk on the clouds safely for three days. If you wish to renew the spell before the the three days are up,speak to any unicorn employee of Los Pegasus Balloon Travels. Enjoy your stay in Los Pegasus!"She gave me a big smile, but I guessed she had to do that to everyone who passed by. I simply nodded and stepped into the balloon, taking a seat in the corner. Several more joined me before we lifted off, most of the other occupants earth ponies. Could unicorns get in on their own, or did they have to have the employees cast the spell? What about pegasi? I'm sure they could just fly in whenever they pleased.

As we ascended higher and higher, I had to wonder, what had I just gotten myself into? To pay for my clothing, and I even mentioned getting into Los Pegasus, Big Bucks had offered a deal. He produced a satchel from behind his counter, jingling its unknown contents mysteriously, and simply asked for me to deliver it. If I said yes, he'd allow me to keep my clothing and get me into the sky for free, if I said no, I'd have to take off my attire and find some other way to get into the city. Of course, I said yes, but now I kinda regretted it. What was in this bag?

I could be carrying illegal goods for all I knew.

...I could be carrying drugs. Pony drugs. Did such a thing exist?!

Holy fuck, I could be carrying pony drugs and I wouldn't even know it. I just became Big Bucks donkeyboy for unauthorized substances! Holy thunder and skullfuckers, I could get screwed over so easily. What if there's security on the way in? What if I can't find the zebra? Wost of all, what if I can't find Alamo in the three days I have up here?! Man, I'm panicking so much.

Obviously my fretting was noticeable. The ponies closest to me siddled away in their seats. Or maybe they had finally noticed the heterochromatic eyes or tufts of feathers poking out of the jacket?

Eventually, the balloon passed through a cloud layer, my vision overtaken by fluffy whiteness and something wet, only for the floating vehicle to escape it seconds later, plopping down on a solid floor of cloud, the stewardess calling for us to exit. I was the last one out, cautiously stepping onto the cloud with my hoof. It felt solid enough, albeit cotton-y to the touch. I stepped off, and was quaintly surprised to find it held my weight like a solid floor. I looked around, finding myself in an almost exact copy of the train station below, except, y'know, the entire building material replacing stone with clouds and trains with hot air balloons.

I made my way out of the balloon station, looking out to see Los Pegasus in all of it's glory. Neon lights flooded the entire area, giving every cloud and every creature an odd fluorescent flow. Nearly every building was a 'hotel' or a 'casino' with some horse-pun spin on the name. Pegasi were the dominant ponies up here, rarely walking, but instead, soaring above or floating beside their trotting companions who had used the cloud-walking spell.

I breathed in, out. Okay. Look to your left. The alleyway should be right there.

I did so, and tucked away between buildings was a shadowy strip that hid itself from the happy lighting all around. I looked around and walked towards it, stepping into the dark of the alley. My eyes quickly adjusted. The alley went on for a good while, partially because I couldn't really see the end of it.

"Hello?"I called out."I'm...expecting to meet a zebra..."

"Greetings."

I whirled around, a small zebra appearing behind me where nothing had been seconds ago. She, of course, was thickly black and white striped, a slender frame outlined by a brightly colored showgirl dress, signaling she worked in one of the nearby casinos. A small headdress sporting flaunty feathers stood upon her brow, a mess of long dreadlocks falling down her face.

"Are you the one with unfortunate luck to be sent by Big Buck?"

Oh cute, she spoke in rhyme.

"Yes, he uh...wanted me to give you this."I pulled the satchel and dropped it down to her. She picked it up in her mouth and slung it over her back, walking past me.

"Thanks be to you, creature that is nicely dressed. Now, enjoy your stay in Los Pegasus."

That was...much simpler than I thought it would be. I breathed a sigh of relief as I turned around to leave the alley. Now, all I had to do now was find Alamo. Should be simple, right? Only dozens of casinos to find him in and thousands of ponies walking around. Shouldn't be a problem.

Voices from behind me caught my attention. Male ones, gruff and almost italian sounding. I twisted my neck around by one-eighty, seeing deeper into the alleyway that out of one of the doors on the side, two pegasus ponies clad in rather dapper vests, much larger than they should be, surrounded the zebra, cornering her against the wall.

Just keep walking, they're probably friends of hers.

"Zola, glad to see you got the goods."One chuckled stupidly.

"Yes, indeed I do, pegasus of blue."Zola's voice was incredibly deadpan. Obviously she didn't like these guys. My footsteps slowed, my head lowered, and my heads stuffed deep into my jacket pockets as I listened in on their conversation.

"Now sweetie, y'know my name is Royal Flush. We can keep things informal, we both work for the same boss."He replied, the one beside him snickering.

"A flush you are, not of wit, but mostly of shi-"

A sharp sound of a hoof hitting something rang through the alley. I turned around to see Zola tending to a bruise on her cheek now, though she still stood defiantly up to the oversized pegasi. Just turn around...move on...

"Zola, y'know words like that is going to get ya hit."Royal Flush nodded to his friend, beige colored and just as stupid-looking as him. They moved in closer to her, but she did not flinch, only gazed up at them with dead eyes.

"Ace, looks like we need to teach ol' sweet striped ass here who to pay respects to."Flush said to his colleague, to which he eagerly nodded. The blue one known as Royal Flush raised a hoof to strike her once more. He was interrupted by a roaring "Hey!"From me. All three turned to look at me.

"You really shouldn't hit a lady, friend."I said as I walked up closer, hands out of my pockets and claws at the ready. I even allowed a few embers to breathe out of my maw, sizzling in the air.

"And who are you, the Mare-Do-Well in disguise?"Royal Flush asked reluctantly, he and his friend Ace nearing to me."Leave yourself outta this, mate. This is between us and striped-ass over there."

I crossed my arms as I walked closer to them, towering head and torso over them easily."I doubt she likes to be called that."

They looked up at me, a twinge of fear in their eyes, but boastful stupidity won out in the end."We'll call her whatever we want, balebreath."

Some kind of pony insult, rolled right off of me.

I just barely reacted in time as the beige one known as Ace reared up, his muscled hoof just grazing my cheek. Shit, these guys could move fast despite their mass. Pegasi were much swifter in person than on the television. I cocked my right fist back, the bird one, to send it smashing into Ace's jawline, a small guck and a whoosh of air escaping his mouth as he was sent headfirst into the wall nearby. He dropped like a rock to the floor below. At least his landing would be comfy, considering it's made of pillow-like clouds.

Royal Flush, however, was much harder to deal with. He leapt into the air, his wings carrying him over me as he rained down kicks and stomps with all four hooves. I held up my arms over my head, most of his blows landing on my forearms, but some slipped past the guard and nailed me directly in the face. I spat out a stream of saliva and blood before breathing it, letting the heat burning deep within me build up. I quickly wondered if it was safe to breathe fire, but my eyes caught something as I looked up with my guard still raised. I could make out faint runes etched out into the fabric of the jacket sleeve, reminding me that these clothes were enchanted to withstand fire.

I dropped my arms and let out a rapid fire blast of fireballs, Royal Flush swooping back in fear as his mane caught on fire. He rolled across the floor, quickly putting it out, but not before most of it had been burnt black. He would look up to see my bum as my tail whiplashed him right across the face. Oddjob used tailwhip, it's super-effective!

He was sent skidding across the ground, only for a quick succession of a kick from my kangaroo leg to send him flying down the alley. The blue pegasi landed with a thud and a moan, both taking a little nap now.

I walked up to Zola, still standing in the same spot."Are you okay?"I asked tenderly as I knelt down to examine the bruise on her cheek, only to see that there were multiple bruises on her face, previous ones that were just fading away. The girl had been abused before. She only replied by slapping her own hoof across my cheek, leaving a sharp sting.

"Ow!" I took a step away from her."What was that for?!"

"Idiot!"She snarled at me."Do you know what you have just done?! Because of you, now I have to run!"

"Why?"I held a paw to the spot where she had struck me, wincing a little."You just knocked out The King's top men! Once he finds out, surely more thugs he will send!"

"The...King?"

"The ruler of Los Pegasus, dreaded and feared. The biggest crime boss in all of Equestria, lives right here!"She nearly screamed at me.

Well shit.

Rolling High in the Slums Tonight

"Maybe they won't come for me?"

I nervously prattled about the alley, Zola standing by the two unconscious ponies who I had carelessly tossed into a pile onto one another, her glossy and bored eyes only following me pacing back and forth. Whenever one of them would groan back into semi-consciousness, she would stomp on them deftly, sending the poor bloke quickly back to dreamland. Whenever she did it, a spry smile shot across her face. She enjoyed getting them back for the times they had ridiculed her before.

"Oh, they will."She took off her headpiece, flipping some of her dreads over her face."And they will beat you until you are still."

"Not very helpful, are you?!"I exclaimed, to which she only shrugged in reply. Okay, okay. I had to stay calm and simply work things through in a logical, simplistic manner. I just beat two of Los Pegasus's underground leader's top men into steady unconsciousness. From every crime movie I've ever seen, that'll usually get you on the bad side of the boss. I was pretty capable of defending myself, but I didn't know what these guys were packing. What if they had unicorns with AK-47s? Shit, they could have much worse than that, magic existed in this world.

"You are not the only one in trouble,"Zola interrupted my thoughts."Surely for myself, my torture will be double."

"...And why's that?"

"I allowed it to happen, but honestly, both of them needed a good fist tappin'."She chuckled almost darkly at the end of her sentence.

"So, this...King, is going to come after you too?"

"Most likely so. I won't live, though."She seemed so calm when she said it, despite the menacing intent of her words.

Just great, I endangered not only my own life, but hers as well. Really on top of things today.

I sighed before rubbing my temples."Okay...maybe...we can get out of here before he finds out. A buddy of mine did a while ago."

"A friend of yours escaped The King? I've never heard of such a thing."

"Yeah, but he got pretty beat up while doing it. But before that, he's here again in Los Pegasus, and I need to find him."

"I do not know if he is brave or stupid for coming back,"She paused for a moment before looking at me again."Did your friend arrive with a rather large sack?"

I resisted laughing at the subtle sex joke, but nodded."Yeah, he did!"I eagerly nodded.

"An auburn unicorn, wide-brimmed hat, colorful poncho, and a demeanor most unhappy?"

"Yes, yes!"I cheered, walking up to her."Did you see him? Where?!"

She began trotting down the alley, placing her headpiece back on and adjusting her dress, motioning for me to follow her."Come, follow me before our battered friends wake up from their...nappy."

I had to giggle a little. Did zebras choose to rhyme when they spoke, or are they naturally forced to? I had to trick her to say 'orange' or 'silver' at the end of one of her sentences sometime. It'd be pretty interesting to see. I followed behind her back into the neon-bathed streets of Los Pegasus, passing by a few casinos before stopping at one of the largest ones dead center in the city. I looked up, the building of cloud easily dwarfing any nearby competition. Emblazoned across the entrance in big bold letters, The King's Throne greeted us, the letters sitting upon a regal throne of neon.

"...Your boss isn't very subtle, is he?"I questioned as the two of us entered.

"He knows he is untouchable, and flaunts his power,"The zebra replied as we stepped into the main lobby. The clouds on the inside had been sculpted to make the entire casino appear as a royal castle. Pillars along the side of every large room supported the main walls, and chandeliers hung from nearly every corner. Elegant? I wouldn't say that. Incredibly tacky, to be honest.

"But hopefully soon will come his final hour."She finished as she took me past the slot machines, the occasional shout of "MOTHERBUCKER!" filling the air from a pony losing all of their winnings to the machine.

"They're rigged to steal when the chance of winning is real."Zola whispered to me.

We went by several tables holding various games of chance, only for us to stop in front of a large crowd of whistling ponies. I looked over them to see Alamo sitting dead center of the crowd, magically hovering a hand of cards in front of him and stacks upon stacks of poker chips around him. Looks like somepony put the stolen bits to good use.

"He's all yours,"Zola motioned, and I even didn't even hear the end of her rhyming sentence as I shoved my way through the crowd."Alamo!"I called out. Even with my new duds on, it'd be hard not to recognize me. He looked up, his good eye wide and shocked. Before I even reached him, he got up from his seat and dashed away, leaving the ponies around him that had cheered on his winning streak in muttering confusion.

"Get back here!!"I shouted as I got up on the table, leaping around on the other tables around me to get to him."Sorry, pardon me, trying to catch a friend, it looked like you weren't winning anyway,"I stumbled across various games, cutting them short as I came closer and closer to Alamo. I jumped off a game of Craps and landed right behind him, reaching out to grab him, only to grasp thin air. Man, he could haul tail if he wanted to. I took off in pursuit, the two of us cutting a swathe down a hallway, Alamo ramming ponies aside who got in his his way, and me shouting "Excuse us!"To everyone he pushed away.

Eventually our chase came out of a back exit of the casino, the two of us stumbling after and away from each other in an alleyway. I snatched up a trash can and aimed it at him, throwing it not too hard, hopefully, and catching him in the back, the can making a metallic clang as it nailed him, causing the cowpony to stumble. I rushed up and grabbed him by the mane, holding him high in the air so I could look into his eyes.

"What. The. Fuck. Man."

"Evenin', Oddjob."He replied calmly.

Getting the Bullet

I narrowed my eyes menacingly as I brought Alamo closer to my face, allowing a stream of smoke and a carnal growl from the back of my throat escape my mouth. He looked dreadfully afraid, an emotion I hadn't seen him use before, but also relieved at the same time for some reason. In all honesty, I was only doing the whole dragon rage bit as a show. I was still mad at him, but not enough to rip his head off, that'd just be insensitive.

"Explain yourself."

"Ah would, if'n I wasn't so uncomfortable being clutched in yer claws and such."He replied, his tone still calm, but a bit shaky by the end.

"Promise you're not going to run?"

"Cowpony's honor."He held a hoof over his heart.

I dropped him pretty roughly, but he landed on his hooves okay.

"Funny,"I crossed my arms, gazing down at him."I didn't know honor involved stealing money that we were going to share and running away with it to pay off some stupid debt."

He looked pretty stung by the comment, seeing as how he took a step back, but he remained close by for the most part. If he took off running again, I would've just thrown another trash can at him.

"Now Oddjob, ya don't understand."He shook his head."This debt's been hoverin' over my head for a while, and it's just been eatin' away at my conch-ee-ious."

"Hmm...healthy tip you might wanna consider here. Don't gamble,"I jabbed a thumb through the air at the building behind us."At a place that Equestria's biggest crime boss runs!!"

"So...you know about...the King?"The poncho'd pony asked tentatively.

I nodded.

"Then you know that being in debt to him is bad."He leaned in close, looking around the alley for any other ponies who might hear our conversation. Satisfied that we were alone, he continued speaking."Oddjob...he's a monster. And not like you," I gave him another menacing growl, to which he held up his hooves defensively.

"The King's got his hooves dipped in more pies than you could imagine, and he didn't wait for them ta cool off. His whole family runs 'cross the country, dealing out a good bit of the crime, and he rules it all from right here in Los Pegasus."

I crossed my arms."Then why doesn't Celestia do anything about him if he's so infamous?"

"That's the thing, his infamy, it protects 'im."

I furrowed my brown in confusion.

"Even though he runs everythin', almost none of the crime is directly linked to him, it's always an underling that gets pinned, and they're willing to take the fall for 'im too, cause jail would be much better than the King finding out he was ratted on. Besides, do ya know how bad it would look if Celestia sent a swarm of royal guards over this town, tearing it apart in search for the King?"

I nodded, knowing where he was going with this. Celestia, the perfect model of ponyship, the sun goddess of Equestria, labeled a tyrant and an unjust ruler if she were to take him out by brute martial force alone. Sad and unfair as it was, it was the undeniable truth.

"Then ya gotta forgive me Oddjob..."He moaned out pitifully, gazing up at me with hope in his big eyes, well, the one that looked normal anyway. The other one just had the milky pupil lazily floating there. Despite that, it hurt my heart man. Any pony was adorable, and when they gave you the giant fucking pleading anime eyes, you could feel something inside of you wrench.

I let out another low roar to fight back the feeling.

"If'n it makes ya feel better...I doubled the leftover bits with my winnings...we can split it even."

"...."

Those fucking eyes man.

"Ehh......FINE!"I shouted to which Alamo smugly grinned.

"Thanks Oddjob, ya won't regret it. We're compadres, ya and me."He began walking back towards the door that lead into the casino."C'mon, let's cash in my chips and walk away from all this as semi-rich ponies."He cackled, to which I could only smile and roll my eyes.

"By the way...nice new duds."

"So let me get this straight..."A voice spoke, sending dreary smoke through the air with his words.

Royal Flush gulped as he hung his head low, his entire face nearly unrecognizable from the nasty purple to bluish swelling stretching across it. His partner, Ace, wasn't faring any better. The two stood in a dimly lit room, the only other sound than the speaking voice a mouse squeaking away in the corner.

"A big...monster...possibly a dragon, knocked the two of youse out without even breakin' a sweat?"Another puff and a cough.

The both nodded shamefully."Yeah boss...but in our defense, this guy was big."Ace whispered.

"So's Brutus."The unknown pony motioned over to a large hulking form that stepped forth from the shadows, revealing a massive grey minotaur, his muscles absolutely rippling underneath the tuxedo he wore. Brutus let out a grunt, to which the two pegasi winced.

"He...he could breathe fire too, boss..."Royal Flush held up a hoof and touched what remained of his scorched mane.

"....Fire?"The voice sounded contemplative as it produced more smoke, holding out a cigar."He really did a number on youse two, didn't he?!"It now laughed, to which all other occupants joined in on his merriment as well, Brutus's a roaring chuckle, Royal Flush's and Ace's much more forced and nervous.

At once, the voice stopped laughing, and so did the others just as quickly."Youse two are lucky I don't have your wings clipped and Brutus toss you over the side of the city,"To which the minotaur grunted once more, cracking his knuckles. Both of the pegasi gulped audibly.

"Do y'know how it reflects on me that my two best boys get roughed up by a tweenage dragon nopony's seen around here before?"

The two nodded solemnly."We know, boss..."They said in unison.

"But, fortunately, the two of youse are going to get off easy."The source of the voice leaned forward in his seat through a cloud of smoke, a pegasus that was stark white, his black mane styled up in a greasy pompadour. Upon his flank he bore a crown over a deck of playing cards.

"I want youse to find this mug that beat ya, and bring him to me. Unharmed. Gots it?"

They both nodded vigorously.

"Good."The pegasus chuckled as he took another puff of his cigar, sending out ringlets of smoke into the air.

"So declares the King."

As the two of us re-entered, the ponies inside all stared at us confusedly. What can I say, chasing one another while screaming probably got them all talking about one thing or another. When we approached the table where he was previously playing, Zola greeted us, walking through the crowd that was still there, awaiting the lucky pony that had accumulated such a large quantity of chips.

"I see the two of you have reconciled. I take it though the conversation wasn't very mild?"

"You could say that."I shrugged.

"Who's yer friend, Oddjob?"Alamo asked as his horn lit up, hovering all of his winnings to float before him.

"Zola, works here."

"...For the King?"

She nodded, following behind us.

"Hey, tell yer boss Ah paid my dues to me."Alamo snapped at her."Hey man, calm down,"I gently waved between the two."She's uh...sorta gonna come with us when we leave Los Pegasus."

"Why's that?"The cowpony asked as he went up to the counter and placed all of the chips down in an even stack. The pegasus behind the protective glass nodded and reached out, taking the substantial sum of winnings and replacing it with an equally large bag of bits, taking us back to square one. Alamo lifted it up, all three of us walking to the exit through the main lobby now.

"I uh..."I waved my hands through the air, searching for a correct way to explain it to him. I always moved my hands when I got nervous, force of habit. I had to do something from keeping my nerves from fraying, and this was the only way to do so.

"He knocked out the King's top men."Zola answered for me. I smacked my bear paw directly to my forehead.

Alamo stopped short."Royal Flush and Ace?!"

I nodded slowly, almost sadly as I held my head low. I looked like a kicked, malformed puppy.

"We will have to before more thugs he sends."Zola motioned for us to continue walking. We were now in the lobby, almost out.

"Celestia's holy flank!"Alamo bellowed at me, him being the angry one now."Yer an idjit. That's all there is to it."As we passed a duo entering ponies, Alamo turned to them to speak."My friend here's a total idjit. Don't talk ta him." I hung my head even lower. The two ponies halted just as we did, all of us slowly turning to face one another. Royal Flush and Ace's battered features looking at the three of us angrily.

"We'll be going now."I said rapidly, simultaneously picking up both Alamo(who still held onto his jostling bag of coins) and Zola in my arms and ramming out the door, dashing down the cloud-paven street towards the balloon station. The sound of the two's clacking hooves weren't far behind. Eventually, I didn't hear their hooves at all. Did I outrun them? I briefly glanced around, the incentive to run faster kicking in. They flew overhead on their nimble wings, soaring faster than I could on legs.

Ace landed directly in front of me, causing me to come to a halt. I whirred around, only for Royal Flush to catch me in a pincer movement. I dropped the two smaller ones to the ground, both tense. Zola looked ready to fight, Alamo had his revolver slowly being levitated out of it's holster.

"Look,"I pointed a claw at both of them."I dropped the two of you once, don't make me do it again."I tried to sound as threatening as possible, both my fists clenched tightly. I think the odds were in our favor between my strength and Alamo's bullets...and whatever Zola had. Hopefully more goons weren't behind them to surround us.

"We..."Royal Flush held out a hoof as a sign of peace."Just wanna talk."

"Don't listen to 'im..."Alamo whispered to me.

"Our boss wants to talk with youse for some reason, we dunno."Ace said daftly.

"We have nothin' ta say to the King."Alamo exclaimed, as tense as he was when we were in the worm caves. All three of us slowly began backing out between the two, only for them to follow as at the same pace.

"We ain't letting you leave. The King's decreed it."Royal said grimly."If he don't wants ya off this chunk of cloud, you ain't getting off 'til he says so."

"Alright."I agreed, to which both of my comrades looked to me in shock. I shrugged to them with a nervous grin. I was always one for diplomacy, but with a crime boss, I didn't believe things would go so well. At least we could try.

"What could go wrong?"I said uncertainly.

"Please never say that..."Alamo shook his head, holstering his firearm.

Pulling the Trigger

We were told, or more bullied as it was, to return to the King's Throne Casino, Royal Flush and Ace shoving one of us every once in a while to keep us going, usually Zola. Her face had taken on it's somber and glazed look once more. I could tell she was resisting every fiber in her body to spin around and smash both their skulls in a couple times. From her bruises and complacent demeanor whenever they were around, I was very sure that the zebra had been taking their bull for a long, long time. I felt pity for her, despite the fact she worked for a criminal mastermind. Eh, some people just made bad choices.

The five of us went past the big flashy casino part and into the back of the building through a series of hallways and stairs, ascending the countless steps, ever ascending. It appeared the Throne doubled as a hotel, as we passed several rows of doors with room numbers on them and some ponies in bellboy outfits carrying luggage upon their backs. Once we reached what I assumed was the top floor, considering this story was much more innately decorated than the others, and at the end of the hall, a giant pair of double doors awaited us.

"Move it."Royal pushed me this time, but as I continued walking, I slowly arced my head around on my super-flexible neck, glaring at him, strings of black smoke rising from my nostrils. He backed up almost immediately.

Being at the head of the group, I pushed open the doors, only to stare into an incredibly shadowy room, smoke filtering out almost ominously. I flicked my tongue in and out to get a good sense of the area. Bleck, I scrunched up my face. Tasted like...hair gel and something else...greed? I didn't even know if a sin could have a taste, but if I could describe it, it tasted like that. Somewhere between a mix of bitter ashes and the iron flavor of blood.

We all entered, the two pegasi goons closing the doors behind us with a slam. They took positions beside the door, standing guard.

"Welcome to the King's Court."From the center of the room, a shaft of light wavered down through the drifting grey towards a brilliant white pegasus positioned on a throne that resembled the logo outside. I automatically presumed he was the King, considering he was...y'know, sitting on the throne, and the room was big and mysterious and everything. The whole scene literally screamed 'Meeting a villainous crime boss'.

"You must be the King."I repeated what was on my mind, trying to sound as bold as I could.

"I am."I spotted the source of all the smoke, a burning cigar clutched tightly in his teeth.

"Before we proceed with a civil conversation,"He released a long stream of smooth smoke with a breath."Kneel."

"...Excuse me?"

"You heard me, kneel."He said again, leaning forward in his seat, a smug look on his face. I had to keep myself from laughing as he came into view. The freakin' pompadour.

Already, Alamo and Zola were kneeling like this guy was royalty. I looked down at them with worry, and they were shivering, not from cold, but fear.

"Do not make me repeat myself."The King said in a rather threatening tone. From his side, a massive minotaur appeared out of the darkness, just as tall as me, but twice as wide with bulk.

I slowly got down on my knees, reluctantly lowering my head until it nearly touched the floor. I felt absolutely sickened with myself for my actions.

"Rise."He commanded once more, and we all complied like fucking worker bees.

"I heard youse took out my boys here real easy like."He motioned lazily at the two behind us, who strangely remained quiet. I slowly nodded. I had to grit my teeth from talking to this prick. Being around him, I wanted to do two things: scream at him and deck him in the face until he had no teeth left to hold that cigar. The King gave off an aura of self-righteous superiority, power, and something else much more sinister. It made my multi-layers of different skin crawl, and something inside me sickeningly stirred, like vomit churning inside the pit of my stomach. Simply, I didn't like the blasted blighter.

"Now, that in itself in impressive."He discarded the stubble of cigar from his teeth, his minotaur friend catching it in midair and depositing it into a nearby waste can. The King then reached towards his seat's armrest, a box of cigars awaiting him. He popped another one into his dirty mouth, the minotaur holding out a lighter and igniting it for him.

"How so?"I questioned.

"Youse seen my boys? Much bigger than other pegasi, but just as fast. Loyal too, been with me since nearly the beginnin' of my career. But the two are as dumb as bricks. And, by what they claim, you conked 'em out in less than a minute with just a few hits."He chuckled, but it transformed into a nasty, sputtering cough that went on for a few solid seconds. That's what you get for smoking, kids.

"I could use more employees like you."

Employees? More like thugs. I allowed a look of disdain and befuddlement fall on me.

"Youse seem smart, able to think in a fight, that's good, but you're strong too."

"You already have muscle, it seems."I pointed a claw at Mr. Minotaur over there.

"Brutus?"He laughed as he patted the tuxedo-clad beast beside him."Best bodyguard I've ever had, but dumber than these two put together."Another wave at Royal Flush and Ace."The palooka can barely say a word. Isn't that right, Brutus?"

Brutus complied with a heavy, rough grunt.

"See?"

"I don't think our interests...co-align."I crossed my arms, only for Alamo to tug at my jacket worriedly. I looked down at him and he replied with a look that spoke it all. You don't argue with the King.

"Oh?"He laughed once more."I think youse can be...persuaded to co-align with the King."He enunciated on his title with a wave of his hooves and a stream of smoke directly blasted into my face. It didn't bother me seeing as I could naturally filter smoke into my lungs as well, but I waved it away from myself, the act itself incredibly rude. I only smoldered in reply, arms still crossed.

"I can give you decent work with...questionable means every once in a while. It'll be steady, and you'll get a fat paycheck at the end of every job. Youse can live in here in the casino with the rest of my boys in the lap of luxury. All the gambling ya want, all the free booze,"I scowled at Alamo when he perked up at that part.

"And,"The white pegasus snatched the cigar from his jowls, twirling it with his wingtip and sending spirals of lazy smoke into the dim air, the extra appendage acting as a finger."Youse can score all the ladies you want."He raised his eyebrows in a playful manner, looking directly at Zola. She only gazed back with her dead stare.

"..."

"I'll make the deal even sweeter."The cigar went back into his mouth."Stay here in the casino for a while, see how ya like it. Whenever you're ready to say yes, come talk to me."

He acted like we weren't even allowed to leave the building until I agreed, and I suspected that we weren't.

"Royal Flush, Ace!"The King snapped, and his cronies came to attention."Take..."He waved his hoof at me, waiting for a name.

"Oddjob."I muttered through forced fangs.

"Oddjob and his friend here,"He didn't even bother with Alamo's name."To the finest free room we's have. Make sure they're comfortable."

We turned around to follow them, only for his voice to interrupt our footsteps."Uh-uh! Zola, youse stay here with me."

Reluctantly, she turned around and walked towards his throne. The last thing I saw of her before the doors to the King's room closed shut was her kneeling before him once more.

I felt sick.

"Enjoy your stay at the King's Throne."Royal Flush grumbled at me as he tossed me a key to the room. We had gone down a floor, the two punks leading us to a door in the far back, the plate Room 413 emblazoned upon it. They both walked away, heads hung low and eying us both warily, heading down the stairs, probably back to the casino floor for some good old fashioned debauchery after the afternoon they've had.

I fiddled with the key and the lock, but my fingers were too big to grasp it correctly. Alamo sighed and jerked the key from my hands with his magic, nimbly turning it in the keyhole and opening the door.

"...I could've gotten it if you gave me time."I mumbled as we entered.

"Idjit."Was all he replied.

The room, of course, was made of clouds like the rest of the floating city. It was finely decorated, being so close to the top. Two beds opposite of one another took up most of the space. I was glad that I didn't have to spoon with the cowpony.

For the most part, we were quiet. Alamo went to his bed and took off his hat and poncho, the barest I had ever seen him. Despite his senile nature, he was incredibly fit, for a unicorn at least, and for his cutie mark, a gun with bullets flying from it. He still had his gun belt around him though, the holster to the side, and packets of bullets lining up on the belt. What struck me though, was how badly scarred he was. Criss-crossing lines of white healed skin took of a majority of his body, and I could even see a few sealed up bullet holes over him. Old timer had seen a lot in his days.

"...What are yer lookin' at?"He caught me eying him."Yer not one of them queero-sexualites are ya?"

I shook my head with a forced laugh.

He 'hmmphed' in reply, and silence came back. I plopped down on my bed, and, surprise surprise, it was too small for me. At least the part I covered was comfy enough. Clouds...who knew? Other than Rainbow Dash, that is.

"...I'm not gonna do it."I finally said.

"Yer an idjit fer disagreeing with the King."Alamo replied from across the room.

"There's just...something wrong about this guy, Alamo. And I just don't mean his sleazy-ass pompadour and cancerous lungs."

"Of course there's sometin' wrong with 'im!"Alamo frantically waved his forelegs about."He runs Equestria's smuggling rings, from licking salt to...glue."He shuddered. I assumed glue was a taboo topic in Equestria."He has ponies with debts wrapped around his hoof, begging him to let them live. And y'know the scary thing Oddjob? He tells 'im he'll let 'im go, long as they return to repay one day. They do, oh they. Ya don't double-cross the King. But sometimes...he kills them just for fun, Oddjob, even when they've paid."

"..."

"Ah was scared that was goin' ta happen to me tonight."

"It didn't though."

"Cause Ah'm lucky."He shook his head."But it's like the King has all the luck on his side in everythin' he does...it's a rigged game, Oddjob, and we're all gonna lose ta him if'n we do or don't play."

"Do you understand what to do?"

"I understand plenty, my fine feathered friend."The King replied to the winged figure before him, but something seemed a little off about it. He took another puff of his ever-present cigar.

"You are to keep Oddjob in your services, and give him a bit of a...darkened view of the world. Show him Equestria's underbelly."

"Oh, he'll get a load of that soon enough."Another puff, another cough.

"Good."Strife giggled maliciously as she ruffled the dozen wings running down her back. She was of average build for a female pegasi, despite her features. Her fur color was that of a dark magenta, her mane running down her entire back and blending in with the wings. She had no cutie mark, a curious sight of an adult pony, if she could even be considered that.

"Now,"The King held out a hoof towards her."Your boss...he can give me anything I want?"His eyes momentarily lit up.

"As soon as chaos takes hold of Equestria again, anything your wicked little heart desires!"

The King shuddered slightly, something he didn't do very often. Usually he was the one causing the shuddering."But...Discord. I remember when he took over Equestria in an afternoon's time not too long ago. If he has all that power, why not do it now?"

"We have a plan,"Strife casually flexed one of her wings, the tips colored black from the rest, sending some feathers flying out like knives, razoring themselves into the wall. Where the hardened feathers had landed, a harsh sizzling had filled the air, and the cloud wall had melted away from the black acid.

"Not that chaos even needs a plan."She giggled once more.

The two of us had fallen into a light nap, the daze of the late day giving way to night. A small knock at the door rustled me awake.

"Coming..."I mumbled as I crawled out of the comfy bed. Seriously, clouds were the best thing to sleep on. Ever. Despite it being too small for me, it was like the parts I laid on conformed to what was comfiest for me. No wonder RD was always lounging around on them.

I opened the door to see Zola standing in the hall, her face as deadpan as ever. She was out of her showgirl outfit, however."We need to talk."She let herself in, sliding right past me. I sighed and closed the door, locking it. I didn't trust anything in this place with every last inch of Los Pegasus being the King's turf. I would only breathe easy once we were back on solid ground.

"You must listen Oddjob, and not balk."She stopped near a table in the far corner that I had not noticed before, it holding a complimentary gift basket. She picked and chose an apple to munch on.

"Hnn?"Alamo grumbled as he awakened as well, blinking his one good eye to look from me to Zola.

"What's she doin' here?"He muttered, fixating his hat back atop his head.

"The King has taken an interest in you, Oddjob."She took a chunk out of the apple, devouring it in seconds."You do not disagree with him,"She said cautiously."Or off your head he will lob."

"Yeah, the feelings mutual."I rolled my eyes, leaning against the wall."I'm not going to work for a kingpin."

"Oddjob, think about my safety here!"Alamo said worriedly."If you say no again and tick 'im off, imagine what he'd do? Yeah, yer strong, but everythin' has its limits. He has dozens of his crew coming in and out of Los Pegasus daily, and he'll just wear ya down. And since Ah'm asso-she-ated with yerself, he'd hurt me too, and Ah don't think I'll be escapin' him again."

I let out a distressed grumble.

"Just...consider it for a while, take him upon his offer. Who knows, you might agree, and I don't think you're off your rocker."Zola took another fruit from the basket, an orange this time.

"...I'll...be back."I opened the door, this time slowly and carefully with my much more nimble bird hand."The two of you, stay here."I pointed at both of them before closing the door and heading out into the hallway.

I made my way up the stairs and into the top floor, pushing open the doors to the King's room without knocking. This time, it wasn't even dark inside, instead, brightly lit in artificial fluorescence, revealing the rest of the room. It was obviously the penthouse suite. In the center of the room, the throne laid empty, but off in the back corner, I could make out a luxurious bed that was, what else, king-sized. Tables bearing fruits and sweets of all types aligned on a wall, and the King himself was lounging in a bubbling jacuzzi.

"Ah, Oddjob!"He warmly called out to me, waving a hoof for me to come closer. I approached him reclining in the warmth of the spa, Brutus standing outside of the jacuzzi beside him, a towel at the ready. In the steaming water beside him was a giggling green mare.

"Have you met my gal, Oddjob? This is Lady Luck."The King motioned towards the mare, his hoof firmly wrapped around her shoulder. Her entire color scheme was of varying greens, her coat a light mint, her eyes jade, and her dark mane tied up in a bun. She was a unicorn.

"Charmed, I'm sure."Lady batted her eyelashes at me. I only stoically stared at the two of them, my trilby tipped low over my eyes.

"So,"The King continued on, instead of a cigar being placed between his lips, a chinking glass of champagne went instead."So sorry about earlier, I really am."He looked up at me pleadingly. I could tell he was lying right through his yellow-stained teeth."I have to keep up appearances in front of the boys, it's a respect thing, something I'm sure you'll come to understand."

"I want to talk about the offer."I interrupted bluntly.

"Oh?"He sounded interested now, finishing up his glass. Brutus refilled it.

"I've decided to...accept it."I painstakingly replied, the sick turning of my insides growing even worse. But I had to do it, for my safety and Alamo's.

The King chuckled heartily as he stood up, stepping out of the jacuzzi. His obedient minotaur slave wrapped a towel around him and Lady Luck. I noticed she had a four leaf clover as her cutie mark.

"I'm glad you've come to your senses, Oddy."He walked up close to me, rubbing me in the ribs with his hoof. He stood up on his hindlegs, only coming up barely to my chest. He motioned, and I knelt down, only for him to wrap his hooves around my neck in a hug. Once again, I felt sick. The bloody chap just radiated something wrong.

"Welcome to the family."He released the hug."You're gettin' your first job tomorrow night, rest up, my friend." He lead his woman towards his bed, the two giggling at one another.

"Now, if you'll excuse us, I have a date with Lady Luck tonight..."He waggled his eyebrows at her.

I turned around and left the room, surprised to see that Brutus left as well, closing the doors and standing guard. It was just the two of us in the hall, and we locked gazes for a moment.

"I don't like your boss."I finally said, the tensity evident in my voice.

"I don't either."He replied in a gravelly voice. Wow, the beast speaks.

"I fear him."

"..."I turned around, and returned to my room.

Oddjob Gets a Job

I returned to my room with a light knock, expecting Alamo to open the door and let me back in, for lo and behold, I had left the key inside. I waited a few seconds, knocked again. Again, no reply, not even a sound from within the room. I began banging on the door, making it rattle on it's hinges. Now, I could've simply tore the door right out of the wall with ease, but that would be property damage, and damaging what belonged to the King sounded like a rather bad idea.

The two clearly weren't inside, and I let out a groan, rubbing my temples with my avian hand. A loud grumble followed my vocalized annoyance, coming straight from my stomach. I then realized that I was starving. I hadn't eaten anything since the party the other day way back in Appleloosa. With no idea how i survived this long without food, I turned around and ambled my down the stairs to the main floor. Maybe they'd have some food down in the casino area?

I entered to a rousing amount of noise and light, outlined by the constant jingling of coins and shuffling of cards. I hadn't the chance beforehand to actually observe the casino floor, since both times I was in it I was either chasing down Alamo or being shoved by two goons. I scanned the area for A cowpony and a zebra, but most importantly, I searched for food. The place was big, to say the least. The whole area seemed to be cut off into different sections for various vices and needs. One corner was dedicated to the slot machines that lead to the poker tables and other gambling games. Another corner had a lowered area with a bunch of tables around a stage. That was where I would get my meal.

I strutted over there with as much confidence as I could muster, but towering over ponies in fancy clothes didn't really add to that. I had always been an antisocial, introverted little prick, and this whole 'new world' stuff thrusted upon me, despite it being utterly awesome, did little to help my anxieties. Before I stepped into the area, a large grey pegasus in black shades jumped right in front of me.

"VIP only."He stated flatly. I looked down at him, trying to go eye to eye with the bloke, but his sunglasses made him unreadable.

"He's fine Eight Ball, let 'im in."I heard a familiar voice called out. I turned to see Alamo and Zola sitting at a table in the center of the area, empty bottles of beer around them and our winnings bag sitting dead center between them. The security pony gave me a once over before nodding, standing aside to let me pass. I went over and sat down in an empty chair at the table.

"So, how'd it go?"The auburn cowpony asked, his voice already slurred from his presumably vast alcohol consumption.I replied with a sad nod.

"I guess I...work for the King now."

Zola looked at me sympathetically, her eyes belaying I know what you mean.

"Well, good on ya, Oddjob!"Alamo busted out, pointing at a passing by waitress to get her attention. He pointed back at me, swishing his hoof through the air, awaiting my answer."I just want something to eat."I replied with despair in my voice.

"Everythin' on the menu for my friend! We're good for it!"

She nodded, but with a look of disdain. They probably had a big menu.

"What does the big man got ya doin'?"Alamo asked before taking a large swig of his drink. He absolutely reeked with the potent stench of alcohol on his breath. This is what I get for leaving him alone for twenty blasted minutes.

I shrugged."Dunno. I'll be finding out tomorrow night."

Before our conversation could continue further, a wiry pink pegasus fluttered over to us, her frame covered in the very same showgirl dress Zola had worn only hours early."Oh Zola sugah, I'm so glad I found you!"

The zebra raised an eye."Flitterby? What do you want?"

"Honey, we need you onstage,"Flitterby batted her eyes pleadingly."Melody's gone off tonight, and nopony can find her!"

"It is my time off, I'm not just going to go onstage and saunt."Zola replied sternly, only for her usually apathetic face melting under he coworkers eyes. She slowly nodded with a exasperated sigh. She got up, looking at the two of us with a slight shrug."Enjoy the show, boys. And Oddjob,"

I looked up at her.

"Watch out for any of the King's ploys."

I nodded and she trotted off with her pink friend, the two going off to some unseen door that led backstage. Alamo ribbed me with his foreleg, snickering."She was a real looker, wasn't she, Oddy?"

I merely shrugged in reply. Appearance-wise, I guessed so. She was cute, but in a pony way, not a sexual way. I wasn't one to be attracted to a pony, seeing as how I myself was comprised of several animal parts I did find myself attracted to. I knew that there were others who would agree, but not myself. Oh well.

A few seconds later, the lights dimmed, and a very memorable tune began to play from onstage. Entering from the left, perfectly clad in her showgirl dress and headpiece, Zola trotted center stage. All was quiet escape the song escaping her lips, her frame outlined from a spotlight overhead. Her voice surprisingly belted out the notes and lyrics to a pleasant tone. I caught more than just one of closer up ponies near the stage drooling at her swaying form.

I didn't really have much incentive to listen to the song, since only moments after the performance had started, several waiters came up with trays and trays of varying foods, setting them down around me. One plate had what appeared to be turnips and radishes, another a salad, and another, sandwiches. All vegetarian meals, considering that ponies were herbivorous, but I didn't care. I dug in with ravenous hunger, not caring what animalistic sounds I made or what I was eating or even what was getting on me and the disgruntled patrons around us. Right then, I was a monster, and the monster was starving.

We retired much later that night, mostly me trying not to hurl from all the food I had digested and Alamo keeping himself from keeling over. But eventually the two of us managed to make our way back to the room and collapse into our beds, sleeping heavily for the day ahead. It was a dark, dreamless one that guaranteed rest, the one that you have after a long day of doing everything you hate.

The morning came all too quickly. Through open blinds sunlight poured in, wrenching me away from such peaceful sleep.

"Alamoooo...."I grumbled away from drooling on my pillow, picking it up and tossing it across the room at him. It landed with a thump as it made contact with his body. He bolted upright, his gun whirring through the air as he looked frantically for what had attacked him. Seeing as it was just me assaulting him with a pillow, he collapsed back into his own bed with a groan.

"The mornin' came too quick."He repeated my own thoughts.

"Agreed."I sympathized with him as I crawled out of the cloud bed, shrugging my jacket on and placing the trilby atop my head. I somehow had fallen asleep with my scarves on, and they were all tangled up around my elongated neck. After fixing them, or guessing I did, I was never sure on the proper way to wear a scarf, I took in a deep breath and stretched, a ritual I had come to love being as that I had a body that coiled up like a spring and could be pulled out in every direction.

"C'mon mate, up and at-'em."I told Alamo, to which he stubbornly pulled his covers over his body and placed his own pillow atop his hide to himself from my pestering and the bright sun streaming in.

"Fine, sleep the day away!"

"Ah will."Came his muffled reply. I rolled my varicolored eyes and made my way out the door, making sure to slam it hard enough to jerk Alamo awake. I was met with the satisfying sound of him falling out of bed from the sudden noise.

I actually had no idea where to go or what to do. Los Pegasus was a mystery to me, as was much of Equestria. I would have gone off and grabbed some breakfast, but after last night, my stomach still felt heavy with food, so that was a no-go. I sighed and decided to seek out two ponies I did not want to talk with: Royal Flush and Ace. If anything was to be known about my...'job' tonight, they'd probably have all the information needed.

It was rather easy to find them. They were down in the casino floor, sitting in the lounge area, the entire building empty save for the employees and staggering drunks who had stayed the night. I walked over to them, both of them catching sight of me with a hint of fear in their still battered faces, courtesy of moi.

"Morning fellas."I greeted halfheartedly. They simply nodded."I take it you know that we're...co-employees now?" Another set of nods."Then, what's my first...job?"I spat out the word. I didn't like the taste it left. What would the King have me doing? Drug runs? Something illegal, of course. I gulped, not wanting to get caught and spend my time in Canterlot court before one of the most powerful being this world and the next. I could just imagine it, Celestia gasping at my appearance so similar to that of Discord's, summoning the Elements of Harmony, and in a flash, my favorite characters turn me to stone with a giant rainbow laser beam.

"Real simple stuff. Debt collectin, shakedowns, the works."Royal Flush replied, his voice sounding incredibly reluctant to speak.

"Cool, cool..."I paused."I don't have to hurt anybody, will I?"

"Less it's necessary."Royal shrugged."Usually, we do though."Ace cackled."Sometimes they're...uncooperative."

I pulled a face of stone, silencing the laughter from them. I nodded and turned around on my heels, striding away at a casual pace, hands stuffed deep down in jacket pockets. I really, really hoped I wouldn't have to hurt anybody...anypony...whatever. I just didn't want to do it. Growing up, I was the bullied instead of the bullier. I knew what it felt like to be weaker and to be the subject of torment of those stronger than me. Now that the role was reversed, what would I do?

It was night now, and I huddled down one of the many alleyways the city in the sky had to offer, Royal Flush and Ace right behind me. They directed me, with no shoving this time, to a small bar on the far side of town. We could even make out the edge of the clouds, and for a moment, I was breath-taken. All of Equestria, or so it seemed, was laid out like a map. Fields of green stretched as far as the eye could tell, small villages dotting here and there with flickering lights, and the mountains nearby obscuring the horizon. Is this what every Pegasus felt like looking upon the land below? For a moment, I felt jealous of every winged character in the show.

The serenity of the land was lost upon the two dunderheads, as they went up to the bar and went inside, promptly dragging out the owner to toss him into the street by my paws.

"I told you,"He stuttered out, hopping to his hooves."I-I'll have the King's payment in a little while...b-business has been slow..."

He was afraid when he saw those two, but when he turned around to look at me, if he had pants, I was pretty sure he'd be pissing them right about now."Please don't eat me."He whispered up to me, and I had to roll my eyes. I lifted him up by the scruff of his neck, a rotting feeling inside me as I did so. Would I actually hurt this poor pony? He was trembling in my grip, and I felt a bit of regret bile build up in the back of my throat. I welled it down, and went on to speak.

"Look,"I began at him."I'm very sure you're doing the best you can, but the King needs his money now."I just improvised what I was going to say, taking bits and pieces from mafia movies.

"We uh...don't want anything happening to you or your fine establishment here..."

"I...I can pay half of it now! How's that?!"He frantically pleaded. I looked over to Royal and Ace, and they nodded."That's acceptable."I growled at him. I dropped him, and he dashed back inside, returning nary seconds later with a bag of bits, dropping it by Ace's hooves.

"I'm...I'm safe now, r-r-right? Until I-I can pay the rest?"

Ace chuckled as he took up the bag in his wings."You're safe, for now."

I let out a sigh of relief. No hurting tonight!

"But just to make sure you get the idea in your head..."

I looked up to see Royal striking the pony across the face with a sharp hook from his foreleg. And apparently, he had been carrying a baseball bat. Why do crooks always go with the friggin' bat?! He held it in is wings, rearing it back to strike the fallen pony. Before it even made the whoosh of going through the air, I had deftly caught it in my bear hand, snatching it right out of Royal's grip.

He whirred around, about to give me a mouthful, only to come under an intense stare."No."I mouthed before crushing the wooden bat in half, sending splinters raining down. I discarded it and went over to the barkeep, helping him back up."You okay?"

He looked up with the most grateful face I had ever seen, tears about to well in his eye."Celestia bless you."He whispered before running back into his bar.

"What the buck?!"Royal roared up at me, only for his mouth to be shut tight by both of my differentiating hands to clamp it."Listen here,"I pulled him up into the air to meet my eyes."I'm only doing this until I can find a way off of Los Pegasus without any damage. I don't like you, and I don't like the King. And if you think I'm going to hurt anypony or perform something morally wrong here, you got another thing coming, you twatwaffle."He whimpered under my iron grip. I released him, and he fell to the ground, scrambling away from me to Ace's side. The other doof was just as terrified.

I had to calm down. I breathed in, and out, counted to ten, all that therapy stuff. I had anger issues sometimes, and these always helped.

"Now, is there anything else to be done tonight?"

They both shook their heads slowly.

"Good."I tipped my hat at them, turned around, and made my way back to the King's Throne casino. I really needed something to drink.

Prosperous Cheaters

"Another round."

Back in the casino, I sat in the lounge area alone, the guard Eight Ball remembering me from the night before, my table of choice one the far corner away from anything else. I was incredibly pleased with myself, all things considered. Didn't have to bring the beating to any poor fellow who didn't deserve it, told the douchewagon duo to bugger off, and the casino had rum. Rum, the sweet, glorious throat-burning nectar of the gods. A passing waiter placed a glass bottle of rich, caramel-colored liquid in front of me, and I tentatively grasped it in my bird hand, the hard yellow skin clacking against the glass. I raised it to my lips slowly, which were the first to be soaked. I dipped my head back and titled the bottle forward. At once, the fullbody of the drink washed itself over my fangs and flickering tongue with a wave of heavy oak flavor, a roar of searing alcohol making its way down my throat. I smacked my lips and flared my nostrils, my eyes tearing up from the glorious flavor.

I just really liked rum.

A sound of trotting hooves came up as I downed my second swig, Alamo settling himself down in a seat beside me with a frazzled look. Sheesh, did the bloke look tired. His mane was frizzy with bedhead, his eyes were bleary and red, and a loud yawn escaped his lips every once in a while.

"...You slept the entire day, didn't you?"

"Sure did."

I rolled my eyes and sighed, something I had become accustomed to doing with the old timer around. He waved to a passing waitress to get her attention, motioning his hoof to his mouth as if he were taking a sip of a drink. She nodded and went to fetch him a beverage.

"You already done with yer job?"He questioned.

I settled down my glass of rum with a light tink of the container hitting the table, resting my head on my hands and my elbows leaning on the table."For the most part, yeah."

"What'd ya do?"

"Collected some money."

"Anythin' else?"

"Nope."

"Not too keen on talkin' 'bout all this, are ya pardner?"He received a jar of whiskey. Obviously they knew his drink of choice.

"Nope."I repeated, finishing up my own drink, but didn't bother calling the waiter over for another refill. I didn't feel like drinking anymore, didn't feel like doing much of anything.

My somber mood was interrupted by a large shadow. Only one thing around here big enough to make something like that. I turned around and was greeted by a scowling Brutus.

"The King wants to speak with you."He grumbled out.

"Ah'll just be here."Alamo said meekly, shrinking in his seat from the sight of the minotaur.

"Word travels fast."I said and got up to follow him, every eye on the floor following the two tallest things in the building. Once we left, the sound of clinking slot machines and rowdy poker games resumed. As we walked, only silence fell between us. I was pretty sure he would only speak unless he was dictated by the King to do so.

I found myself back in the King's room, the lights dimmed to an appropriate level of bleakness. The pegasus in question sat on his throne, this time though, another throne of equal stature was beside him, Lady Luck elegantly displayed, one of her hooves wrapped around his.

"Oddjob, glad to see you were enjoying my casino."He cackled, a hearty cough following.

"Just the rum."I stated flatly. I didn't want to be here any longer than I should.

"Good, good. Now, I heard youse finished your first job?"

I nodded.

"But there was...complications, correct?"

This time I shook my head."Not really. I did everything I had to do."

"But you only received half of the money."He enunciated on that part.

"Poor bugger only had half. Said his business had been slow."I said with much sympathy in my voice.

The King slowly shook his head, allowing a stream of smoke to pour of his mouth."I know you didn't fall for that sob story."Another puff from his cigar."I'm very disappointed in youse, Oddjob."

"And why's that?"I raised an eyebrow.

He snubbed his cigar out on his armrest, tossing it aside casually. The King got off of his throne and trotted up to me."Youse got morals, I like that in a fella."He began circling me, making me feel very anxious. Suddenly the atmosphere in the room had become very tense, and I didn't like how much south the King's tone was becoming. I resisted every little voice in my head screaming for me to run away or deck the blighter or both. They just needed to shut up and be chill for a moment. Maybe things wouldn't be that bad?

"But in our line of work, morals get in the way. Morals can get youse killed."He stopped in front of me to look me up and down, as if assessing my whole being.

"Morals keep shit like what your boys were about to do from happening."I snapped back.

"Oddjob,"He shook his head."Youse have your morals, and I have mine. If my boys had actually only roughed up our friend just a little, i would have received the whole debt he owed me instead of just half. You see? 'Cause of you, that poor pony still has that debt over his head."

"So it's about the money?"I said through gritted fangs. I clenched and unclenched my fists, the sound of claws popping in and out of my fingers audible in the air. I heard Brutus breathing heavily behind me as he guarded the door.

"No, the money's secondary. It's the principle, Oddy."

And then, I realized why everyone who ever stepped on this chunk of cloud were so scared of the King.

All he did was raise a foreleg and stomp it down in front of me. At first, I was confused. The white cloud floor beneath me began to grey, then blacken into what appeared like thunderstorm clouds. At once and without notice, I found that the floor I was standing on had disappeared and myself falling through a hole that perfectly matched my size. I clung to the rim with my hands, trying to pull myself back up, but when I did, the parts I held onto seemed to thin out, forcing me to concentrate on just clinging to that one part without letting go and falling. I peered down, and multiple holes were made through every floor of the building and straight through the bottom of Los Pegasus itself, the city of Applewood so far below. If my strength faltered, I'd be taking a nice mile long drop.

"It's my principle that I receive everything due to me, Oddy."The King lowered his head to whisper at me, a smug yet malicious look upon his features.

"Everything in Los Pegasus belongs to me. I worked too hard, too long, not to get what I deserve."He stamped his hoof again, and the rim of the hole that I held onto weakened even more, my grip slipping.

He gave a low and long laugh, something befitting of a supervillain in a James Bond movie."Literally everything in and on Los Pegasus is mine. You, all the bits that flows through, everypony that comes off of those balloons. Every piece of cloud, I control. A pegasus can lay claim to their own cloud,"My mind briefly flashed to Rainbow Dash and her own home made of cloud."So I took it upon myself to own the biggest cloud in Equestria. Took a while too."

I wasn't really listening. All the while he spoke, the hole was getting bigger, and I scrambled to keep myself from tumbling to my doom.

"Now Oddy, do you understand why I'm upset that you didn't get me all of my money?"

He stamped his hoof again, and the hole sealed up, leaving me panting on now solid ground, the cloud white once more. I looked up, The King having a smarmy smirk and eyes that belayed something incredibly dark beneath him. He looked expectant of a reaction from me.

A million thoughts rushed through my head as I tried to formulate a response. Holy shit I almost just died. Was the dominant one. But, after sorting through the terror and the anger and the adrenaline bursting in my veins, I replied by coiling my neck like a spring, feeling the muscles bunch up and tighten, and to unleash it forward in one of the most savage headbutts I could muster, sending the King flying with enough force to crash into his throne and topple it over. Lady Luck was immediately by his side, helping him up.

"All I know is,"I stood up and pointed at him."That you're a-"Before I could even finish, something incredibly big and incredibly heavy tackled me to the ground once again, pinning me with all the professionalism of a wrestler. Tap-out! Tap-out!

The King got up sporting a nice bloody nose and pure rage in his eyes. He stormed over to me, each stomp of his hooves leaving behind a spot of blackened cloud. Lady stood behind him reluctantly, a look many shared whenever they thought of the King on her face: fear. Brutus wrenched my head upright to stare into his eyes. Yup, the blighter was mad."HOW DARE YOU?!"He screamed right in my face, a wave of nasty smoker's breath laden with nicotine and spittle bombarding my senses. My hypersensitive tongue would spend the next few days on bedrest cause of this guy.

"Brutus!"

The minotaur holding me down snapped to attention.

"Take him to the dungeon."Ooh, that sounded pleasant."Be discreet. Make sure he's as uncomfortable as possible."

The servant nodded. He released me only momentarily to raised his fist to bludgeon me across the temple, the ol' reset button right on the head. A wave of darkness and mumbled voices washed over me as I lost unconsciousness.

Run.

Hide.

Please.

"Why are you helping them?"

"I don't want to hurt them."

"We're not hurting them."Discord said sarcastically as he lifted up a terrified pony in his lion's paw, the mare shivering at his mere touch, the fear evident in her eyes.

"We're...helping them see the world in a brand new way."He only had to think it, and the mare became a discombobulated mesh of pony and toaster parts, two slices of evenly toasted bread jumping out of her mouth, to which Discord caught and spread butter on, munching his snack away after releasing the poor thing.

"Think of it this way,"He slithered through the air over to me, extending an arm out towards the scenery before us. All of Equestria was his once more. The sky didn't even know what it wanted to be, so it settled on an equinox of both the sun and the moon and even a few other celestial bodies hovering there. Most of the land was dominated by a checkerboard pattern, though there were some patches of licorice grass. Rivers of lemonade ran freely through the air, not limited by just the waterbed they streamed through. Ponies of all shapes and sizes, literally, I saw a rhombus-shaped pony, were in complete disarray at their new world. Some had gone mad as their new reality, simply sitting down and muttering to themselves, only to yelp every once in a while. Others tried to fight it, but found that having rearranged bones and new body parts they didn't need very unfortuitous. I even saw a mountain of sherbert in the distance stand up and walk off to relocate itself.

"We're not hurting anypony at all with our little fun. Chaos will have it's way, and everything will be nice and dandy at the end of the day."The spirit cackled, whipping up a hamburger out of thin air and taking a bite, only to spit out a chunk of it onto the ground with a look of distaste. Where the half-chewed food landed, a flower with french fry petals grew."I have no idea how you humans can stand such unhealthy things."He complained as he plucked five candy bars from a nearby tree that grew them and gobbled them down in one fell bite.

"But they're...so unhappy. Miserable even!"

"Bah, they're just spoilsports. They'll learn to love their new, chaotic world!"He turned to look at me, his disproportionate eyes a mad red."And so will you, Dismay."

I slowly nodded, turning to a pony trying to flee from us.

"Go get 'em, champ."Discord cheered.

I shakily held out my hand and snapped my fingers. The pony running away found that he could not no more, seeing as how the ground beneath his hooves was now glue, firmly planting him the mass of white goo. Overhead, a massive glitter shaker rained down chunks of glitter the size of a fist down on him, burying him under a shiny mound of confetti.

"I would've done a tad more glitter, but fair enough job, Dismay!"He clapped. I gave a halfhearted laugh, but in all honesty, it felt good. Everything around me in utter turmoil and madness, I loved it. I didn't feel numb anymore, I didn't feel wrong. I felt right. I even felt happy.

"So what else?"I asked, turning to the god of chaos himself.

Hmm..."Discord pulled a PDA from behind his back and reading glasses from nowhere, scrolling down the screen."Riot and Ruin are over in Manehattan, making the skyscrapers there play tennis with the ponies as the balls, so we're clear for that. Strife transformed Cloudsdale into a tornado...but we can't find it. I think it's over Canterlot. Ah, here we go! We have to visit some old acquaintances in Ponyville, catch up with them, meet with the King of the Doughnuts, AKA, Pony Joe, and delegate whether to transform his shop into a separate nation. Sheesh, you give a guy the ability to transform anything into a doughnut and he goes on a power trip!

"After that, Princess Celestia and Luna want a nice chat over tea,"

"Aren't they stone?"I interrupted.

Discord shrugged before continuing."It'll mostly be a onesided conversation where we do all the talking. How rude of them!"

I chuckled along with him."Chaos is a wonderful, wonderful thing."I found myself saying.

I jerked awake with a sudden gasp of breath."It was just a dream, it was just a bad dream..."I whispered to myself, shaking off the throes of sleep and bringing my conscious into the world of the awakened. But it felt real enough, real enough for me to get some serious psychiatric help. If Discord was visiting me in my sleep now, there was nowhere safe from him. And why had he? The spirit was always quiet unless he wanted to speak to me directly. It was a strange, strange thing indeed. From what I recalled from his appearance on the show, the bloke could do anything he want and had transformed all of Equestria into his personal playground in the shortest takeover ever. So why was everything still normal? Why was he waiting?!

With my brain racking the ideas, I began to take stock of my situation. Why had I been asleep again? Oh yeah, Brutus knocked me out after I conked the King. In retrospect, a really bad idea from the get-go. I wasn't thinking, but I just really wanted to hit the guy. The repercussions were bad, I was satisfied overall with the decision. I could still feel the spot on my forehead where it had made contact with his, sending a rupture of pain shooting through him and enough kick to send him flying without his wings. Felt good.

I was in a very large room, that was for sure. Cardboard boxes lined up against a wall, and shelves and shelves of junk took up most of the space. Far off past them, I could make out a door leading to stairs, my way out. I heaved myself up and began to walk, only finding out that I could only step five paces before something jerked me back to the wall. I looked behind me to see an ethereal chain of green energy suctioned to the wall, the other end around my neck in a sort of magical glowing collar. I tugged on, finding that it was incredibly sturdy. First I tried to pry the collar off, but it was like it had been melded into my skin, and whenever I tugged, it hurt, as if I was pinching and pulling at myself. Next, I yanked at the chain, but it was absolute in its durability, not showing any sign of strain even with all of my strength pulling against it. The King wanted me to stay down here.

A flurry of shuffling hoofsteps alerted me, and I looked up to see Lady Luck, the green unicorn looking very hoighty-toighty with her nose in the air, flanked on both sides by Royal Flush and Ace as her guards.

"Well well, looks like the King finally caged his pet."Ace snickered, only to falter as I snapped furiously at him with a mighty bite of my fangs, my maw just inches away from his face, the chain keeping me just out of reach.

"Uh uh uh!"Lady giggled, her horn glowing a magical aura of green that matched the chain. It brightened furiously, the chain lighting up to the intense luminosity of her horn, and I felt a surge of pain course through me via magical electrocution. It was like fucking Discord in the desert all over again!

"Now, if you're nice, maybe I can convince the King to let you go early."She quipped as I fell to the ground, my entire body smoking. Fortunately, the clothes were okay though. Hooray for enchantments.

"But if you're naughty...we can extend your period in the dungeon."

"..."

I looked up, all three looking down at me with all the certainty that they had me already beaten back and under their figurative thumbs. What? Just because I was chained and a little shock therapy jolted me, they thought I was broken? Just because one pony trembled before the King, doesn't mean I did. Besides, I wasn't even a pony.

"Bugger off."I spat out a small stream of fire at them, causing them to jump back at once or be singed by the flames. The monster still had some bite left in him.

"...You can rot in here for all we care."Lady narrowed her eyes at me, to which I gave a giant, shit-eating grin and a semi-serious flirty wink.

She turned around with a huff, the two about to follow her, but her sharp command stopped them otherwise."You two stay behind! Teach this...Oddjob a lesson to not mess with the King."

When she left, her hoofsteps fading up the stairs, they looked upon me with fear.

"C'mon guys,"I grinned at them, flashing my eager fangs."I don't bite."

They turned tail faster than any surrendering army ever could. I busted out in guffaws as they tripped over one another to scramble up the steps.

Slowly my laughter died down, leaving me alone in the room of nothing but junk and a magic chain keeping me here. I gave it a few more trying tugs, but the results were the same, I couldn't move it more than the man, or the mare, on the moon. Defeated for now, I plopped down on the hard cement floor, awaiting whatever what was going to happen to me next. My thoughts flashed briefly to something Alamo had said earlier.

"It's a rigged game, Oddjob, and we're all gonna lose ta him if'n we do or don't play."

Fury of the King

All I could do was sit and wait. It was a very boring experience.

For the most part of my time in the 'dungeon', it really couldn't seriously be called that since it was just a storeroom, I spent it trying to break free of the magic chain that held me tight in one spot. I tried pulling it, but it held fast to the wall. At first, I had thought to smash the wall and deal with getting the collar off later, but apparently that was enchanted as well, just as durable as my binding. I tried smashing it between my fists, but not a single scratch. I even gushed a stream of fire against it, and all I accomplished was set a few boxes nearby on fire. After patting those down to smouldering ashes, I plopped down, defeated, at least for now.

After dozing off for at least a few hours, not daring to fully go back to sleep for fear of another nightmare to befall me, I was snapped awake by the sound of approaching hooves. I looked up and coolly regarded the King with narrowed eyes, my slitted pupils focusing in on him. He met my gaze, and I chuckled to find that there was some swelling going on around underneath his eyes and a medical strip was holding onto his nose. How high and mighty are you now?!

Behind him was a posse consisting of Brutus, Lady Luck, the dunderhead duo Royal and Ace, and several other pegasi with gambling game related cutie marks. He didn't want to take chances with me again after the little swellhead I gave him.

"Evenin'."I greeted cheerily as they stopped in front of me.

"It's actually seven in the morning, you've been down here for a while."The King replied, no hint of emotion in his voice. All he did was stare back at me, our gazes never leaving the sturdy lock of sight we had made with them.

"Must've dozed off."I scratched under my chin, the claw on scales creating a rough scritchy sound.

The King turned to Lady Luck, nodding at her."Babe, if you don't mind,"He pointed a hoof at me. She nodded back and stepped forward, her horn glowing once more. I felt a familiar surge of magic, and an invisible aura around me briefly lit up, rejuvenating it to new strength. I raised an eyebrow curiously at them.

"Your cloudwalking spell. I figured it needed to be renewed."The pompadoured pony merely stated,

"How nice of you."I batted my eyes at him sarcastically, only for him to nod once more to his woman by his side, to which her horn glowed only brighter.

"It's to make sure youse don't leave before we're through."

A crackling of energy filled the air, and I turned to see another line of magic shoot out from the wall, snapping itself against my wrists, creating chains that bonded my arms as well now. Another thwip through the air, and my legs were contained as well. I struggled against my new shackles, but they proved to be just as powerful. I looked over at Lady Luck performing her restraining magic, and found something quite interesting. Her face was scrunched up into a contusion of concentration, her own gaze steadily focused on me. Using all this magic on me was obviously putting a mental strain on her. All I had to do was wait for her to break.

"What's the new accessories for?"I asked right before the King approached me, his right foreleg whipping out to strike me across the face. It didn't really hurt, but he got a reaction from me. I snarled at him, baring my fangs, but he chuckled at my behavior. The moment I tried to lunge at him, Lady Luck amplified the magic in the chains, sending another course of electricity to shock me, this time the pain quintupled with the new chains.

"Have at 'em boys, the beast needs ta learn who its master is."The King stepped back, allowing his thugs to move in close on my fried form. A sharp kick into the face from a bucking courtesy of Ace sent me flying back into the wall. Before I even rebounded off, Brutus was upon me, slamming repeatedly into the sturdy cloud. Wasn't this stuff supposed to be soft? I felt something in my nostrils pop, releasing a fresh stream of green blood to fall down my face.

"Blugh, look at this freak!"I heard Royal Flush's voice as he pulled his favorite tool from a nearby shelf, the baseball bat, and crack it over one of my knees, sending sharp roots of pain to jolt through my lower body."He bleeds green blood!"

Blow after blow, I was struck repeatedly on all sides. It was a blur of bodies ganging up on me. I could sometimes see a fetlock come right at my eyes to clock me, and my vision blurred.

I hoped my blood would get on the blighters and burn 'em all.

Alamo grumbled in his sleep as a knocking at the door to his hotel room awakened him."Go 'way."He yelled loud enough for whoever was outside to hear. The knocking only persisted.

"Nopony's home."He tried again with a yawn. Only another knock, this one much more forceful.

"Ah'll shoot you if ya knock one more time."

A moment of silence passed, and he let out a sigh of relief. The old cowpony tucked himself tighter into his bed, the warmth of the blanket making sure he was snuggled up and nice tight, his head delicately laid on the softest pillow he's ever graced. Alamo was comfy once more to drift off back to sleep.

KNOCK.

"Celestia dammit!"

He ran out of bed, his magic holding his revolver right beside him. He positioned so that whoever opened the door would get a nice meeting with the barrel of his six shooter.

"What is it-....oh. It's you."

He opened the door to reveal Zola, her dead eyes regarding his weapon with much disinterest. She shoved it aside and trotted inside, Alamo grumbling the entire time as he closed the door. He holstered his weapon and cracked his neck, unleashing another loud, mouth-stretching yawn.

"What is it?"

"Have you heard anything from Oddjob?"

"Not since last night."He shrugged.

Zola worriedly shook her head, her dreads swaying with her movement."I fear he's run wrong with the King's mob."

"Oddjob? Nah. He's an idjit, but even idjits know when to keep themselves out of somethin' that can kill 'em."

"Are you so sure? How was he last night? I heard Brutus arrived, giving you quite the fright."She crossed her forelegs accusingly. Alamo shrugged once more, but this one seemed a tad more nervous in body language. He gulped a little.

"He just went up ta the talk to the King."

"And you haven't seen him since?"She squinted her eyes angrily at him.

"Err...no..."

"You are incredibly dense."She rolled her eyes."The King's taken him somewhere, that of which I am sure."

"And you would know where?"Alamo hovered his colorful poncho over his body and steadied his hat over his eyes. he felt like something serious was about to go down, and he needed his security items for such an occasion. Bullet belt, check. Ol' Shooty, check. Dynamite hidden away in poncho? Double check.

Zola nodded, walking back to the door, motioning a wave with her hoof for him to follow her.

"But I am very positive that it is a trap, a lure."

"Yeouch! His blood hurts!"

I cracked a grin of broken teeth. One of the unknown cronies recoiled away from me, his left foreleg sizzling from my acidic blood, cradling the affected area tenderly.

"Come 'here,"I spat out."Another dose will help you."

I was silenced with a powerful cross from Brutus. My head snapped to the side, and I felt something rattle inside my skull. My vision dimmed and blackened for a few seconds.

"You're an odd one, aren't you?"The King commented, signaling for his boys to end their torture.

"Did the name give it away?"I crackled, spitting some more green goo onto the floor, where it promptly burnt a whole through the floor."Or was it the mischmasched up body parts?"

Another spark from Lady's horn, and another wave of electrocution surged through me. G'damn, I was getting tired of that. I bet she was, as it appeared she was straining under the toll of having to do so much with her magic. This obviously wasn't her talent.

"The fact that you're stupid enough to defy me tells it all, Oddy."The King had produced another cigar between his teeth, munching down on the smoke stick between his teeth."You're not the smartest thing I've ever met. I thought youse was different."

"First of all..."I weakly raised a finger to point at him,"It's 'you', not 'youse'. Second, say 'were' instead of 'was'. I'm not the one being grammatically incorrect here."

Brutus slammed my head against something steel. Why was everything so...rattly? Oh look, a few fangs fell out.

"Still being stupid."The King finished his cigar, putting it out by grinding it against my face. It didn't hurt considering I was fireproof, but everything else did.

"Hello?"

A familiar voice. God no, why? He could've just stayed in the hotel room, sleeping like he did yesterday. I painstakingly raised my neck to look over the crowd of brutes in front of me, Alamo flanked by Zola entering the room. The King calmly turned around and regarded them with the briefest flash of interest. He waved a hoof, and his goons charged at them.

Shiiiiit.

Falling Skies

All around us, the clouds that made up the building blackened and crackled with electricity and rumbling thunder. The King stood before me, absolutely seething. His fur stood straight up, his wings unfurled from his body, giving him quite a threatening appearance. What kept his whole visage of anger together was his eyes. The darkness that broiled beneath them was now out in the field. If looks could kill, I'd be dead several times over by now. I stood up despite my wounds, pushing Alamo and Zola behind me, the two still pretty roughed up from their previous beatings. The King only stepped towards me, shaking violently in his rage.

"You beat me."He whispered out, but the whisper held no gentleness or quiet tone, but something ferocious and out for blood.

I summed up a breath as I stared him down."And you promised you'd let me and friends go."I narrowed my slitted eyes down at him."A deal's a deal, King."

He looked up to stare into my dicolored eyes, his teeth grinding the stub of a cigar in his mouth to ash. He spat out the remains, and slowly stepped back, but none of his anger gone."Brutus. Lady." At his word, the two were right by his side, but they too shared an uneven and nervous glance getting in the vicinity of the angered pegasus.

"I did promise that you and your friends would be leaving Los Pegasus..."He said, turning around on his hooves and walking back towards the stairs that exited out of the storage room, his two cohorts following behind him.

"But I never said how you were going to leave."

I looked up. Just before he stepped on the first step that led up, the King stomped his hoof down, sending a boom that sounded like a hammer through the entire room, shaking it."I hope you enjoyed your stay at Los Pegasus..."He cackled before leaving, his laughter long echoing in my ears.

Before I could fully understand what he meant by that, a piece of the ceiling fell right in front of me, making me jump back in shock from the suddenness. Slowly, the entire room of blackened storm clouds was falling apart, all to the command of the King. One far wall seemed to be eating away at itself, slowly dissipating until I could feel a breeze from outside and see the open sky, the morning sun just rising over the horizon. Normally, I'd be breathtaken by the view, but survival instincts kept me from that small pleasure.

"C'mon you guys, wake up!"I shouted, shaking the two to consciousness. Alamo only grunted in reply, waving me off with the words "Ah don't wanna go ta school today, momma...". Zola barely uttered a response, only her shallow breathing giving me any sign that she was still alive.

I frantically looked about for any chance of escape. The magical chains still held me to the wall, at least until it dissipated as well. A sudden crash jolted me, and I looked out to see one of the shelves had caused the weakening cloud beneath it to give way, sending it careening down through the open air and to the streets of Applewood below. I was running out of time, and fast.

"Guys, please..."I slapped Alamo a little, his one good eye fluttering open for just a minute. Good, that was good. Semi-consciousness. I did the same with Zola, only having to slap her a little harder. She stirred with a mumble of foreign words that I couldn't understand."This is no time to take a nap!"I shouted, shaking them both a bit more."Unless you wanna take a nap a few miles below on the concrete, wake up!"More shaking, more awakened responses from the two.

"What is it...?"Zola was the first to get up on her own, slowly stumbling up on her hooves."Ohh...when did I get hit?"She rubbed a massive bruise forming along her forehead, wincing at the sudden shot of pain from touching it.

"No time!"I screeched, pointing at a collapsing wall that allowed furious winds from this high up in altitude to hit us. Zola immediately awakened, her eyes widening.

"Get up, Alamo, do not be slow!"She leapt over me and shook him awake harder than I did, adding a few good slaps for measure.

"Whuh...?"He looked around, a tad dazed. He would see both the urgent expressions on mine and Zola's face.

"...Why are we in a storage room? And why is Oddjob chained up? And...why do Ah feel so sore?!"

"King. Go Fish. Beat him. Room Collapsing, we die."I gave him the short explanation, still pulling at the unmovable chains that held me. He got back up to his hooves, shaking away the last pieces of sleep that clung to him. He jumped in his skin when he realized what was going on."Nopony beats the King, Oddjob! Why'd you go and do that?!"

"He said he'd let us go!"I screamed back in reply, hopelessly still pulling.

"Yeah, let us go from our lives!"

"You could have mentioned that!"

"I was unconscious after trying ta save yer sorry flank!"

"The gesture is much appreciated!"

"Yer welcome!"

I was almost in hysterics, frantically pulling. I motioned towards the exit, for Alamo and Zola to get out of the blasted place, but Zola shook her head unwillingly."There is nothing left for me here. I will only run into the King if I leave, I fear."

"Ah just can't let an idjit like you die...it'd unbalance the smartness in the world or something."

"Hardy-har-har."I sniped back, rubbing my temples, something I had come to do whenever I was stressed. I pulled my hands down my face, feeling the various wounds the thugs had inflicted on me. Fortunately, they were already healing. I could feel that hyperactive healing factor already working it's magic, sending electrical courses of life back into my beaten body. I pulled my hands away, only to find that they were covered in my sticky green blood. Man, they really did a number on me. One last time, I grabbed at one of the chains that constrained my neck, only to find a completely different outcome this time. When my bird hand and bear paw made contact with the magical chain, it sizzled, it popped. I recoiled away at the sound, only to see flecks of my green blood melding in with the magic, thinning out the chain.

Bingo. I cracked a wide grin, new fangs already replacing those that had been knocked out. I gripped the chains once more with my self-bloodsoaked hands, squeezing as tightly as I could. The chain sizzled and crackled underneath the acidic effects, releasing me of one hold. I repeated this on all five chains, tearing them off easily now that they were weakened. Once I was free, I gave a mighty shrug and stretched my body.

"Oh yeah...that feels good."I cackle, wiping the blood off of me just as multiple holes began to fill the floor, giving sign that the room was just about done.

"Now can we go?"I scooped up the two smaller equestrians in my arms and dashed off, narrowly avoiding the crumbling ceiling and jumping over the holes that pattered across the ground. I felt like I was in some platform game, or even like Indiana Jones making his way out of a booby-trapped temple. Fortunately, there was no giant boulder.

I dashed up the stairs just as the sound of crumbling entered my ears. I risked a chance and looked around, seeing nothing but open air where a solid room had been seconds before.

"Close enough for ya?"Alamo whined, freeing himself from my grip and dropping to his hooves to walk beside me. I let Zola back down on the floor as well and the three of us made our way back up the stairs. We were in some sort of hallway, a basment system underneath the casino. I could hear the faint sound of hoofsteps and laughter above.

"Everyone okay?"I breathed out in relief. Now all we had to do was get off this forsaken floating deathtrap without being spotted.

"A little banged up, but I am no mere crying pup."Zola answered.

"Meh."Alamo shrugged, rolling his shoulders until his neck cracked.

"Good, I..."

All three of us fell short, as just down the hall, Brutus guarded the only seeable open way out, his arms crossed and his eyes boring down on us with a death glare.

"...Lemme handle this."I pushed the two behind me, stepping forward and holding out my hands in sort of a boxing stance. I motioned for the thug to come at me, waving him over with a taunting grin. I was still sore from my healing body, but I was more than ready for a little tussle. Besides, I had to get the bloke back for knocking me unconscious.

He snorted a little, sending a roll of heated steam from his nostrils. He stomped at the ground twice before leaning over, charging at me with full force, every one of his footsteps shaking the floor beneath us.

"C'mon big guy..."I whispered as he neared closer and closer.

Time seemed to slow down, much to my advantage. I didn't know if it was either adrenaline fueling me and changing my perception or that weird trick I pulled earlier in the card game, but I was glad to finally be on the winning end of a fight. I pivoted forward, twisting on my heels, my bear paw reared back, clenched as tight as it could be. The moment Brutus came into striking range, I twisted my entire body with rapid spinning force,putting all of my weight and momentum into that single blow. A powerful left hook crashed directly into Brutus's face, and with my slowed-down sense, I could make out everything of that punch, it was perfect. The moment my knuckles made contact with his grey-furred face, a ripple was sent across his features. His cheek cracked, his jaw unhooked itself, and his eyes crossed. I pushed hard with my fist, sending him careening into the nearby wall, his body rebounding off of it with a sharp crack.

All at once, things sped up to normal speed. Brutus stumbled away from me, obviously dizzy from the blow. before I could go in for a finishing strike, he was already on the ground, coughing through a shattered jaw of broken teeth and sputtering blood. I cracked my knuckles and waved down at him before moving on.

"Have a nice day."I grinned at him, the three of us hauling it out of there as fast as we could.

With Zola's aid and knowledge of her workplace, we made our way up countless flights of stairs, arriving within the main casino floor in minutes.

"Come, we must make haste."She pointed at the exit through the lobby doors."Any time we spend is waste."

Alamo and I nodded, following right behind her. God, I was ready to get out of here. Unfortunately, luck, or fate, or whatever higher form of being you believed in, had different plans for me. We paused as everything in the room grew quiet. Every card stopped shuffling, ever voice silenced, ever poker chip was placed down without a clatter. We all slowly turned our heads to the table area, the King staring us down with a haze of blackened clouds forming around him. The darkness spread through the entire casino until not an inch of of pure white cloud remained. Every patron looked around in fear, switching between the trio of odd characters that was us and the the King that controlled Los Pegasus.

A few seconds passed. Seconds turned to minutes, and minutes spanned into a countless stretch of time before anything else happened. But when it did, all hell broke loose.

The King unleashed a scream. A scream that sounded straight out of a horror movie, not that of the victim, but a scream that sounded like a carnal monster just ready to devour its prey. He zoomed off, dashing straight through the cloud of the building and into parts unknown. Seconds later, screams, and the rolling roar of thunder.

We all dashed outside to see crowds of panicking ponies all fleeing from a tempest rolling around the center of the floating city. Every last inch of Los Pegasus was becoming a storm cloud, arcing out lightning and broiling with black anger. And in the center of the storm, commanding it all, the King hovered in the air, still screaming.

Showdown at Los Pegasus

"Sir Vorpal reporting!"

"At ease, fair knight."

Two armored ponies saluted to one another. The one returning was Sir Vorpal, the other awaiting him, Shining Armor, Captain of the Royal Guard. Shining seated himself behind a desk that bore many things, most of them requisite forms of armor or filing reports he had to do for the summary of every shift of every guard. Sometimes, he believed things were much simpler and better when he was just a grunt.

"What do you have to report, Sir Vorpal?"Shining asked, assuming a stern voice, one he used whenever he addressed those under his command. He'd just get laughed off by his wife or sister if he tried such a deep bass with them.

The red-maned stallion removed his visored helmet, his gaunt and narrow face showing a sense of tiredness. The train ride back must've left him tired.

"I return bearing news of what happened at Appleloosa, sir."

"Ah yes...the reports of worms in that area?"

"Taken care of sir."

"I trust you did this with very little property damage?"

"Actually..."Vorpal's eyes roamed away from the captain to look upon other things in the office, a sign that he was nervous. Shining Armor looked over at him with the steeliest, coldest glance his eyes could muster. Vorpal met his stare, and he felt a shiver run down his spine, rattling his armor. He was very sure the rumors about the captain freezing rookie cadets solid with just a glance was true.

Before he could continue, a pegasus guard rushed into, slamming the door open. He saluted upon sight with the Captain and nodded at Vorpal.

"What is the meaning of this, guardsman?"Shining Armor questioned. He had become accustomed to ponies banging open his door. It always crisis this or crisis that, and he was beginning to feel the strain. He could only imagine how Celestia and Luna felt day after day.

"Sir, there are scout reports of an unknown storm forming over Applewood!"The guard replied.

"A storm?"Shining Armor raised an eye. He wasn't very familiar with the pegasus weather system and how they ran it, but wasn't it an odd time of the year for a storm?

"And you say this storm is of...unknown origin?"

"We checked with the weather squad over there, and there are no scheduled storms for at least three weeks sir!"

"Then why is there a storm?!"

"Reports say the storm couldn't have come from nowhere! The size of the storm is roughly equal to..."

"Los Pegasus."Shining Armor cut off the guardsmen, walking over to his window and gazing out across the landscape, a black storm consuming the sky in the distance.

Every last thought in my head was screaming 'Warning! Warning! Boss Battle Ahead!'

With the torrential winds whipping violently about us and ponies scrambling to make it to the balloon station, it was incredibly hard for one to think clearly. I tapped my knuckles against my forehead, trying to remain calm. Okay, the King's gone crazy. He's really mad right now, enough to transform the city into a hurricane. And I am partly the cause of that. Well...the entire cause of that.

"C'mon!"

Alamo pulled at me, Zola already in the throng of fleeing bodies to the station. We entered the mass of bodies, ducking under the safety of the station's ceiling as pouring rain began to torrent down upon us. The employees of the station tried to keep everything orderly, but that wouldn't happen. People were panicking, and when they panicked, all sense of rationality was thrown out the fucking window and run over with a truck. Masses of ponies clamored into the hot air balloon baskets, the stewardesses filing in as much as they could. We shoved our way to the front of the crowd to one of the balloons, a bit of room left for us.

I nervously glanced between the two and the gazes of the ponies on the balloon. I wouldn't fit.

"Go."I sighed.

"We're not leavin' ya. Almost all the balloons have left, and Ah doubt they'll be comin' back."Alamo motioned to the several other sets of hot air balloons that drifted down to the safety of Applewood below as fast as they could.

Before I replied, another crack of thunder, and the roof overhead began to ominously creak despite what it was made out of."I said go!"I shouted much more urgently this time, picking the two up despite their squirming and jamming them into the air balloon with the rest of the fleeing ponies. I nodded at the stewardess and she began to frantically lower the balloon to the safety of Applewood's streets below. Just in time too, the floor of the station began to give way. I dashed out as the grey clouds that made up the building blackened, signaling it was unsafe to step upon. In a few moments, the station crumbled and joined the storm forming around us.

Wild wind whipped up what remained of Los Pegasus, and dead in the center of the city, hovering over it with swirling, frothing clouds around him, the King furiously commanded the sky to create a terrifying storm that was miles wide in size and strength. I was pretty sure the citizens below were getting a good view of the catastrophe hanging overhead.

I forced my way towards him despite the powerful gusts that tried to hold me back, but to my dismay, it whipped off my trilby and scarves to the mercy of the open air, almost taking my jacket with them, but I hung unto that like a child to their favorite blanket. I shouted his name, but the storm carried away my voice. Instead, I opted for a much better way of getting his attention.

With a deep breath, as much as my lungs could hold, I felt the heat deep down stir to obey my command. With a monstrous roar, I breathed out a plume of red and smoke, fire bursting into the air to mingle with the elements. He slowly turned to look at me, complete malice in his eyes.

"You."He breathed, lowering himself closer, his once slick pompadour now limp and scraggly, stray hairs flying around his face with the wind. He no longer held the visage of disillusioned regalia, but that of something far more darker and sinister. Suffice to say, he was pissed.

"You nearly killed me and my friends!"I pointed a claw at him, my voice rising over the thunder around us.

"No, just them!"He roared back, whirling his hooves around him, the tempest around us growing in size until it was a sheer wall of black.

"Something as chaotic as you doesn't need friends!"The King cackled, a large amount of madness seeping into his voice. My eyes lit up at the word, something inside me stirring, but it wasn't the fire. I forced it back down only to stare up at him with anger in my eyes and fangs bared. He was mad, but so was I.

"Alright Cockwanker, I've had enough of you!"I roared, snapping my fangs and extending my claws, taking on a fighting stance that was a mix between a swaying pugilist and an angry animal. About time I used all I had to tear this blighter apart. Equestria would thank me later.

"And I enough of you..."The King said menacingly.

I reacted just in time as a blast of wind was sent forth from the tempest to smite me, eviscerating the area where I had been just moments before. The floor beneath was torn apart from the gust, and that would've been me if not the quick reflexes that came with this body. I turned to the King, bending at the knees and letting my strength carry me through the air with a powerful leap towards him. Just before I was upon him, with but a flap of his wings, another funnel of intensified winds directly blasted me in the chest, hitting me like a meaty fist. The air left me as I was sent flying back from the attack, my body slamming into the wall of solid wind behind me. I was wrapped up in it for a moment, my entire body flying limbs and screams as it tossed me around, only to spit me back up into the center once more.

I hopped right back up to my feet, completely ignoring the new cuts and gashes across my body, the bright green blood only adding an eerie effect to my patched together form. I charged forward once again to meet the pegasus in the eye of the storm.

"Is...Oddjob going ta be okay?"

Alamo and Zola left the basket of the hot air balloon behind, following the surge of the crowd and into the streets of Applewood. Every pony looked up and pointed at the raging storm overhead, the occasional flash of lighting within its black body illuminating the sky.

The zebra slowly shook her head, her dreads creating a small whoosh sound."I do not know, Alamo. I fear the King's power is much too great...as is his hate."

"Ah don't believe ya."Alamo joined in staring up with countless others."Oddjob's faced down a Mother Worm with me without even blinking. He can take a froofy lil' ass like the King."

Another roar of thunder, and for an instant, Alamo could swear he saw a serpentine body flying through the clouds that made up the storm, arcs of lightning zapping it.

"At least...Ah think so."

"What...what is going on?!"

Sir Vorpal joined Shining Armor at the window, the storm over the city of Appleloosa threatening to roar across the land at any moment and bring disaster with it.

"I...do not know sir."Vorpal replied, just as confused as the rest.

Shining Armor whirred around, the guard snapping to attention at his word."You! Send pegasi units to try and break that storm up before it hits any civilized areas! I want guards in the streets of Applewood to make sure no civilians are hurt."

The guard saluted before leaving.

"Sir?"

The captain turned to see Vorpal looking quizzically at him."What is it, knight?"

"If I may ask...may I attend to this? I haven't been very active lately..."

G'damn that friggin hurt.

The King had sent a miniature tornado at me, twisting into my body like a drill and blasting me with enough force to push me straight through the barrier of solid cloud and into the rest of the storm. All I could see was blackness and the occasional glance of sky that was instantly blotted out by the black. And the worst part? Oh fuck the worst part. As I was sent flying, the King commanded bolts of bloody lightning to be sent at me. All I could feel was something burning me and painful shocks erupting over every nerve. I could slightly feel a wind current carry me, only to roughly drop me back on solid ground. I looked up, and I was right back in the eye of the storm, the King looking down at me with a combination of malicious eyes and a domineering smirk.

I stood back up, my entire body screaming. I twitched ever so slightly, that electricity jolting my nerves a bit more than need be. I also smelt something smoking. It was me.

"Had enough, Oddy?"He floated down, but not enough so I could grab him, just out of my reach, his small wingflaps hovering his body directly over me.

"What's even the point to all this?!"I screamed, jumping up to grab at him, only for him to fly out of my snapping hand with a cackle.

"The point?!"He mimicked me.

"You said you worked your entire life for all this! Why transform it into a bloodfucking storm?! All the bits, all the secrecy, Celestia will know about this! You'll be ruined!"

He let out a laugh that seemed to only be intensified by the wind around us, it carrying his chortles into magnification."Who cares about Celestia?! Who even cares about little old Los Pegasus?! It was always about the principles, Oddy! Everything is due to me, and what's due right now is making you suffer!"

From the side, a blast of concentrated wind. It hit me directly in the bird arm, feeling like a sledgehammer. It went limp from the attack. It repeated to my bear arm, both of my appendages now slack and useless for the moment. I tried to strain and lift them back up in a chance to defend myself, but it appeared the muscles were damaged from those intense gusts.

I felt the fire inside me build right back up with my anger. It felt good to have the heat run through my body, giving me a feeling that few other things brought nowadays: warmth, happiness, livelihood. I roared upwards, sending an inferno stream of fire directly at the King. He barely dodged, his pompadour singed at the end. I took my chance. With him distracted, I immediately closed my jaw, ending the bursting flamethrower, and leapt up, his surprised face directly in front of me. I whipped my neck back, then plunged it forward, jaw wide open, only to clamp down tightly. The King unleashed a shriek of terror, music to my ears. As I plummeted back to the ground, something warm and feathery was in my maw as I landed. I spat out one of his wings, his own blood pouring down my mouth. I licked it up, almost savoring the taste of meat once more, even if it was from a fluke like the King.

I looked up, expecting victory and a one winged King to come helplessly flapping down to the ground, the storm around us dissipating and the day won for the good guys.

I received no such thing.

Instead, the King only hovered above me, his one wing able to keep him aloft, while he cackled maniacally, purple blood running down his white coat, staining it. Purple blood?!

"Oh, you really thought you had me for a moment!"

I perked up my ears. His voice was no longer italian sounding, or even male for that matter. Instead, feminine. As I looked up, the most strange and grotesque thing I had ever witness in Equestria occurred. The King's body began to twitch and stretch, as if the holds of fur and flesh and bone were simply moldable putty. The fur of the body darkened until it was magenta, and the body parts rearranged themselves until they took on a much more female appearance. Ten wings shot out from the back to join the other one. It would have been a dozen if not the last one I had ripped out. My eyes went wide with recognition.

"Strife!"I exclaimed at one of Discord's 'creations'.

"He's...been up there for awhile now."

"I know."

"Think he's okay?"

"I do not know."

"Yer not rhyming."

"I'm worried."

Alamo and Zola exchanged similar glances of fear.

"Alright...what's the situation?"

"We've managed to move all civilians away from the balloon station, the only way up to the storm. We've quarantined several districts of Applewood, and all ponies have been informed to stay inside their homes or find shelter."

"Good."

Sir Vorpal looked overhead, his green eyes never leaving the storm.

"...You were the 'King' the entire time?!"

"I was an actress back on earth."Strife giggled in reply, commanding streams of wind to be sent at me with a wave of her forelegs. I managed to dodge a few, but several bombarded me directly in multiple spots, opening up the old wounds from my previous beating before they had healed over. My own green blood ran down my body, mingling with sweat and the remains of her own purple lifesource.

"I'm so confused..."I muttered, avoiding more and more of her frequent attacks, but each one getting closer to their target than before. I was slowing, the fatigue of getting beat over and over again wearing down my survival instinct and adrenaline.

"Maybe I can explain, Oddy."She said the last word with as much insult and sarcasm as her dripping voice could muster. I only gritted my teeth in anger.

From out of the darkened clouds, a body came flying at me. I narrowly ducked, and it was sent soaring overhead to float beside Strife, being held aloft by a wind current. I almost gagged. The now dead body of what was the real King hung limply in the air beside Strife, dozens of razor-tipped feathers embedded across his corpse.

"You see, Kingy here wanted to take you under his wing, let you see the dark side of perfect old Equestria. We were okay with that."She playfully flicked some of the feathers off of the deceased King."But after you did your first job, being all nice and decent and everything, he was sent word of your actions. And y'know what? He agreed with you. So, we had to give the old man the boot. I've been portraying him ever since, pretty good, huh? I could win an emmy if I wanted to."

"You're fucking sick, lady."I growled.

"No,"She eyed me with the same dangerous playfulness."I'm chaotic, and so are you."

With a sudden surge of energy, I flew through the air right at her, roaring like a guttural madman the entire time. Our bodies collided in midair, sending the two of us tumbling through the clouds. She helplessly beat at me with her weak hooves, only for me to reply with my thundering blows of strength. She shattered underneath my rain of punches from both arms, and I thought her beaten until she stabbed one of her wings into me. I felt the suddenness of a knife enter me, only for that suddenness to be amplified a dozen times over as she shot countless of her sharpened feathers into my body. I fell off of her and into a nearby cloud, my body scrambling to hold onto it. She weakly flapped over to me, her entire face and torso bloodied, but a wide smirk on it.

"Can't deny who you are, Dismay."

"Shut up."I swatted at her, but only met empty air and her laughter.

"Discord brought you here for one thing only: To bring chaos to Equestria. Suffice to say, you've done a wonderful job."

"Shut up."

"Don't believe me? Well, I'll give you a little list. Y'know that worm tunnel you and cowpony collapsed? Yeah, it ran underneath a good portion of the desert, so now, most of the Buffalo's land is now underground and useless to them. Oh, and how about Sir Vorpal? You tookt hat job from him...enacting a little chain of events that I'm sure is going to come around and bite you in the ass. Also, all of Los Pegasus is a freaking storm!"She cackled, spinning in the air.

"SHUT UP!!!"

"Yes, shouting is going to make everything better."

I eyed her with all of the anger and malice that she had given me before. We locked our gazes, mine ferocious, her knowing and playful.

"Dismay, I think I've tortured you enough."

"My name's not Dismay..."

"What was that?"

"My name's not Dismay..."

"Oh really now?"She leaned in close, not even wary of my weakened form slacking on the cloud from a combination of blood loss and getting stabbed with like a fucking hundred feather knives.

"It's...Oddjob."

I took in a deep breath, and blew out, not even a stream of fire erupting out to meet her. Strife nearly doubled over and fell out of the sky from my pitiful attempt at firebreathing. I could still feel the heat down inside me, but I couldn't get it out, I was just too tired.

And for the second time in that fight, I had caught her off guard.

I lunged forward as she laughed, gripping my body close to hers once more. I tore and bit and clawed with everything I had, the rage seething through me, another energy source that just needed to be burnt up by the monster. I mercilessly pulled out every one of her wings, the warmth of her own discolored blood washing over me. I couldn't see, I couldn't feel, I could only do.

The last thing I saw before blacking out was Strife's horrified face.

"Is that...?"

"It can't be..."

"Sir, look!"

Vorpal need not heed the command of the guard, for he had already saw it. Plummeting from the storm were two bodies, tightly clung to one another. In a few seconds, they crashed into the harsh streets of concrete below, sending a small shockwave through the entire city from the impact.

"Get a team of guards there now!"The knight commanded, already over the barricade and heading towards the crash zone, flanked by several guardponies.

When they arrived, all they could see was a beast senselessly beating a wingless pegasi into the ground, picking her up and slamming her into the ground, over and over again. The monster was entirely covered in green and purple blood of unknown origin.

Ain't That a Kick in the Head

"Wh-what...is that thing?!"

A large number of guards bearing bright golden armor, a sign of the Solar Guard, circled around the crater that had formed in the middle of the street, several overturned carriages and carts laid shattered around the impact area. The harsh smell of sulfur and broken concrete permeated the air, outlined ominously by the dark sky and the still stirring storm overhead. A light rain was beginning to fall. Even with their appearance, the monster did not cease beating the obviously dead pegasus, bits of her flayed body spattering the ground. With every smack of his fist, every tear of his claw, the beast only grunted breathed heavily in labor, oblivious to those around it and even the wounds marring it's body.The guards did not turn their steely gaze from the grisly scene, even though many did try not to heave up what they had for breakfast earlier. They were Equestrian Guards, and they were not going to let a monster like this leave them shaking in their armor when they had faced down so much worse before.

Sir Vorpal broke through the line of soldiers, his cold eyes examining the monster before him, a flicker of recognition in them before being replaced with the matching stare of steel that the others wore. This couldn't possibly be the same creature from before. For one, it was entirely soaked on blood, blood of a different color, but still blood, the lifesource of the two creatures dripping heavily to the ground below, releasing a little sizzle of steam when it made contact with the dirt. Secondly, it wore a tattered jacket oddly enough. What was a monster doing with clothing on? And finally, it was absolutely berserk. Oddjob seemed to show signs of speech and common sense, while this horrendous monstrosity was nothing but pure instinct and rage, no sign of intelligence in it's predatory eyes. He coughed before barking out orders.

"Charge, men! Earth ponies, form a line and push back, hold down the creature, but be wary of the green blood! Pegasi, attack from above, and unicorns, strike from afar with stunning spells and magic chains!"

At once, the guardsponies obeyed his commands. A dozen earth ponies advanced forward in a solid, formidable line. The mashed-up monster turned briefly to see them coming, letting out a little snort, tossing aside it's long dead prey like a rag doll. It charged towards the ponies with a guttural sound in the back of it's throat, ramming into the line and sending a few flying like grass clippings in the wind.

Those who weren't struck were immediately upon the terrible creature with blows and holds, ramming into it and trying to pin it down. Brute strength came into play, naturally tough and durable earth pony might meeting the raw will of a wild animal in a clash of power. The monster managed to knock back a few, but numbers gave the ponies an upper hand, beating back the beast with their combined strength. Pegasi from above simply confused it, making it easier for their earthbound brethren. They would dive-bomb in a single formation, one after another, striking at the beast atop the head with their hooves to daze it, only to buzz away before they were harms way. The unicorns were having a much harder time. They wouldn't risk shooting out a spell and hitting their brothers in arms, so they would have to wait on Vorpal's command until a clear shot was opened up for them.

After several minutes of a tug-o-war battle, the earth ponies managed to topple the tall monster onto the flat of its back. When it thudded to the ground, they were upon it just as swiftly in a dogpile of weight to hold it down.

"Restrain the beast, restrain it!"Vorpal shouted to the unicorns, their horns briefly lighting up as they all simultaneously casted their magic. Chains and bindings of pure energy, each one differently colored to suit the pony's aura creating it, wrapped around the monster, restraining it. The creature struggled, flailing about with roars and dangerous snapping jaws to whoever would near it.

The earth ponies got off of their captured prey, each one sporting damage in some kind of way; a bruise, a cut, even some dented up armor.

"We'll need a transport caravan."The knight remarked, noticing how much his unicorn guards were struggling to hold their magic over the monster, it's wild thrashing threatening to break it free at any moment."And fast."

"By Celestia...what is it?"

"A jabberwocky."

"A what?"

"Something that should be extinct."

"What are we going to do with it? Release it back into the wild?"

"No-"

"Oh sweet buck! It broke free of it's restraints! Guck-"

"Somepony get trap magic on this thing NOW!"

On it, sir!"

"...Good."

"So sir...what are we going to with it?"

"Put it where all monsters belong."

"You mean...?"

Sir Vorpal nodded as he gazed at the now unconscious monster restrained with doubled the chains.

Black, swirling darkness that only allowed the briefest glimpses of faces and the far-off echo of inaudible voices. Was I asleep or was I dead? I didn't feel dead, even though I didn't know what death felt like. I imagined it's a spectrum of vast differences, it could either be very gentle and subtle, or cruel and painfully violent, no middle ground. But, I didn't know if I was asleep either. Asleep meant I was resting or dreaming, and I wasn't doing either right now. I just felt, I just was. Simply floating in the recesses of some primordial shadows, it wasn't all that bad with things considered. I didn't have to worry anymore, or even feel anything but my own self and my own thoughts.

"..."

I briefly paused. Something about my thoughts, my mind. Did something go wrong? I couldn't really remember anything beyond the black that clung to me, swallowing me up like a thick, woolly blanket one would bundle themselves up in the winter.

"..."

Now it was bugging me. Why couldn't I remember anything? I flexed my body, only to find that I couldn't feel a thing, like I was numb. I looked down, and sure enough, I did have a body, it just felt like it wasn't there, like I was some sort of floating consciousness in the vast indefiniteness of the universe. I really didn't want to get all philosophical, but it was hard not to, considering there only darkness around me.

"..."

I tried smacking my lips. Nope, not a thing. I tried blowing a breath, only for a fleeting tuft of a glowing ember to roll off my tongue. That's right, I could breathe fire, a sharp jab of memory cracking the amnesia over my mind. I gave another puff of breath, this one a bit stronger, and a lick of thin flame shot out, penetrating the darkness that permeated me so. It spread like, well, wildfire on dry brush, burning through the dark around me. At first, I was utterly delighted for something to happen, it had gotten rather boring. But, the fire was spreading much too quickly, much too big, much too powerful. Eventually, the fire had eaten everything, and it was closing in on me.

I tried to scramble away from the devouring flames, but it was everywhere, and you couldn't run if something was everywhere. I instinctively yelped when it touched me, only to find that it didn't hurt at all.

"..."

The flames closed in.

That's right...I'm fireproof.

Only mere inches away.

Don't be afraid...don't be afraid...

It consumed me just like it did everything else, only that I could not be devoured by this fire, this searing heat.

You are fireproof, and you will watch the world burn.

"Gaah!"

I jolted upright in a cold sweat, every last inch of me soaked in perspiration, the sound of screaming in my ears, only to find that the scream was coming from my own mouth. I allowed it to die down to a stifle in my throat. I was in the darkness again, only this one seemed much more natural and less choking. I blinked several times, my eyes almost automatically adjusting to the dark around me.

I was in a cave of some sorts, big, deep, echo-y. Something was dripping in the distance. I slowly stood up, only to find that I now weighed something incredibly heavy and sore. With a moan I jerked my body upright, forcing myself back onto my two feet of a paw and a hoof.

"Bad dream...bad dream..."I muttered to myself to try and fight off the creeping thoughts from before that entered my brain. I distracted myself by getting back into gear and find out where I was. Right leg. I lifted and lowered it, my first step almost agonizingly painful. What had I done to feel like this?!

Left leg. The process repeated, and I was on my way as slowly and painfully as possible.

Sway your arms a little, watch out for the tail.

I only made it several feet before something jumped on my back from behind.

Blood and Damnation

My head was calculating several things at once. The first was something's on me. The second was sending bursts of adrenaline to restore vigor and life to me for a possible fight ahead. The third was I could really use a drink right about now, maybe some rum? My eyes roved over the cave, noticing the smallest of details. I could make out the minute cracks in the rock, zig-zagging this way and that in the most random of ways, probably caused by centuries of tectonic plate pressure that was slowly building up on the walls around me. My nose and flicking tongue picked up multiple scents and distinguishable tastes. The earthy taste and moisture in the cold air, the sweat on my body, and the strange scent of something incredibly old on whatever was digging its claws into my back.

The thing that had jumped on me wasn't heavy, but it was dense, like every last inch of its body was packed tight with muscle. It had hammered on me with enough momentum to knock me to the dirt, sending the two of us sprawling to try and gain the upper hand, or whatever this thing had, in a wrestling contest. In the blind heat of combat, I pulled and I scratched and I tore and I choked, but the beast did the same. I struck it over and over with mighty blows and punches, but the beast did the same. I unleashed a roar befitting of my dragon part, and the beast did the same, except theirs sounded like a snarling, howling dog. Whatever this thing was, it had fought for a long, long time, and it was advanced in what it did. In a few moments time, I was flat on my back, staring up at a set of angry fangs just ready to chomp down into me.

I could feel the heat of its breath, almost taste the primal thoughts emitting from it. But, for a brief moment, the creature that had me pinned sniffed me. With that slight whiff, it was off of me, the weight boring down on my chest gone. I slowly stood up, my entire body aching all over again. I really needed to learn how not to run into trouble at every turn, or at least how to keep it from finding me.

"You are different prey. You bear the taint."

I looked up, my brow furrowing slightly and my slitted eyes of grey and incarnadine narrowing at the sight before me. A tall, gangly body, right with lean muscle gazed at me. It stood on all fours, it's fur a dirty white, but patches were missing, and some bloodstains were on it, mostly its paws and maw. It was canine in appearance, almost like an anthropomorphic greyhound, except oddly familiar.

"A...diamond dog?"I exclaimed as I gazed upon the creature.

The dog stood up on it's haunches, almost as tall as me, coming right under my chin. The strangest part of the creature was that it's eyes were dead, pupil-less, and a milky white glow emitted from them. When it stared back at me with those soulless peepers, I felt a small shiver run down my spine.

"And you are a jabberwocky, a lesser breed of a draconequus."It replied in a tinny, echoing voice, as if multiple beings were speaking all at once. Chalk up another weirdo here. How many was that I've met so far? I wanted to say at least five, including myself....I think. My memory was still a bit laggy, only coming back in bits and pieces.

"Pretty educated for a mutt that lives in a cave."I replied, still a bit wary of the stark white hound before me who had so easily bested me and then just gave up the hunt with but a scent. Did I reek that bad? I could imagine so.

"You are tense,"He spoke in an odd, mellow tone. It would be calming if multiple voices didn't come out of his mouth when he talked."Do not be, for we will not harm you anymore. No creature would dare devour you knowing that you have the taint within."

"Forgive me for being a bit...wary."I replied.

He nodded slowly."Cautious, a wise trait to hold, jabberwock."

"What's this...'taint' you're talking about?"

"Something very old and very powerful. Only those cursed by the Chaotic One wield it."

Chaotic One...Chaotic One...ringing a few bells. I blinked as several memories rushed right back like a speeding bullet, giving me quite the headache. I was Oddjob, or at least, that's the name I gave myself when I left earth and found myself dumped into Equestria by Discord.

"...Cursed?"

The dog nodded once again."It corrupts your very soul and mind until you are just like him."He paused briefly before continuing, his gaze taking that of concentration, as if he were listening to a conversation between several other beings. He blinked, and returned to being quite freaky with his emotionless stare."It is a very twisted path into insanity."

I gulped, feeling more than shivers run through me. Was that it? Was that the pit that's been in me, existing beside the fire? I shook away the nasty thought for later despite the sick feeling in my gut, making me want to vomit all of the place. I had priorities right now.

"If you'd be so kind to explain, what in the bloody hell am I doing in a pit like this?"I pointed a claw at him, as if it was his fault. He only replied with a blank, emotionless stare and a blink of his eyes.

"You are in no mere 'pit', jabberwock."The diamond dog began walking down a narrow pathway through the rock carved walls, motioning for me to follow him. I watched him go, reluctance holding me back, but finally, I breathed an exasperated sigh and trotted behind after him, my hoof and the bottom of my pawpad creating an odd stepping sound of clacks and patters on the hard rock floor.

What stood before me caused my jaw to hit the floor. The tunnel opened out to a vast expanse of interconnected pillars and pathways, all surrounded by a vast gloom barely illuminated with a sickly green glow from neon fungi growing along various patches of the rocky walls. I could hear sounds, various echoes that reverberated off the walls constantly until the noise died out. I looked up, and could see no end to the pillars and dark. I looked down and was met with the same sight.

"You are in Tartarus, jabberwocky."The diamond dog stated calmly."The place where all evil is banished to rot for eternity."

"Is everypony present?"

Celestia, the wise and powerful ruler of Equestria gazed out amongst a round table reserved for meetings of dire emergencies. She looked from pony to pony, with each movement of her head, her flowing mane of chromatic colors billowing softly around her. Her sister of the night, princess Luna, sat vigil beside her, her gaze just as stern and ready. Captain Shining Armor was present, as was one of his knights, Sir Vorpal.

The Captain of the Guard stood up, bowing his head slightly before continuing."Yes, your majesty. We woud like to bring to attention the events of what happened the past few days."

The sun alicorn nodded for him to continue.

"The city hovering over Applewood that was formerly Los Pegasus transformed into a massive storm from unknown causes. From sources that would like to remain disclosed at this time,"He gulped slightly."This is possibly due to the crime boss known as the 'King'. He had his control over nearly every single cloud in that region of Equestria, but his body was found dead several miles outside the storm and the vicinity of Applewood."

Celestia raised a curious eyebrow."...Dead?"

"Yes, your highness. Dozens of...stab wounds, possibly a knife, all over his body. Strangely enough, there seems to be traces of some kind of...poison in his system, slowly corroding over time, making him decay at a much faster rate."

She shook her head slowly. Her forces, both known and unknown, had been over the King for many years, just waiting for him to slip up. Finding him dead and an entire city transformed into a hurricane didn't make things any better.

"Any reports of the storm, Captain?"Luna asked.

"There's not a thing we can do about it, your highness. We've sent in our best pegasi squads, but they can't penetrate the clouds or get it to disperse...something inside is keeping them from doing so. And it's slowly making it's way across Equestria towards...Cloudsdale."

Everypony in the room knew that would certainly spell disaster. If the massive storm managed to reach the largest cloud city in the land, it would become a force that would devastate everything in it's wake.

"The citizens of Cloudsdale have been evacuated, but no matter what we do, that storm is going to hit it and merge into something really...really big."

"Double your efforts, Captain. Have weather ponies join your pegasi guards in trying to be rid of the storm, they could help."Celestia commanded. Shining Armor nodded with a salute."Is there anything else, Captain?"

"Yes, princess. Sir Vorpal here would like to report something."Shining motioned at the unicorn sitting across from him. The knight stood up and briefly coughed, removing his visored helmet out of respect, bowing to both princesses before speaking.

"In the sight of the storm, there was something very...odd."

"...Odd?"

"Yes, odd. From the very eye of the storm itself, a monster fell to the ground, a dead pegasus in it's terrible grasp."

"A monster? Could this monster have been the cause of the storm?"

Vorpal shook his head."No, your highness. The beast was brutal, but too instinctual and stupid to create such a thing. It showed no signs of weather manipulation, only ferocity and anger towards all around it."

"Did you subdue the beast?"Celestia asked.

"We did, though at the cost of several wounded soldiers and plenty of property damage from where it landed. We restrained it and sent it tumbling down into Tartarus."

Celestia nodded in approval."Good work, noble knight."

"Just...one more thing, princess."

"Yes?"

"The monster was a...jabberwocky."

A look of mild shock spread across both Celestia's and Luna's faces, sending the room into utter silence. Sir Vorpal swallowed dry spit before speaking again."A very...touchy subject, your majesty."

"I thought the princess killed all of the jabberwockies...ages ago!"Shining Armor interceded, receiving a sharp glance from the knight.

"...I did."Celestia answered, though her voice had taken on a hard tone.

A small bag of jingling bits sat beside him, the only memento left of the former city of Los Pegasus. Alamo Wall gazed out at the passing scenery, his poncho wrapped tightly around his shriveled body and his hat tuckered low over his eyes. He was in a very depressed mood.

"Is this seat already had? If so, too bad."

He lifted up his hat ever so slightly, a black and white body of elegance seating herself in the row across from him. Alamo briefly regarded the zebra with a grunt."What is it that ya want?"

She shrugged, her dreads sending a clatter of noise from her movements, several colorful beads now in different locks of her hairstyle."I have nowhere else to go since Los Pegasus in no more. So, I'll follow you, see what's in store."

"Tcht. The desert's no place for a zebra."

"I do not see how it is so much different that Zebrafrica. Maybe it's better, maybe worse, huh?"

He blew out a stream of air in annoyance at her smart reply."Fine, but don't come complainin' to me when all the Appleloosians look at ya funny."

For a few minutes, they only sat in silence between them, either staring out the window or into the corner of the trolley they were in, only the brief mutter of conversations from few other ponies aboard breaking the quiet. Zola took in a breath of air to speak.

"Do you believe he is okay? We never saw him after the guards kept us away."

"Ah don't know."

"Surely you must be worried? He saved our lives in quite the hurry."

"Ah said Ah don't know!"

"...Do you even care?"She stopped her rhyming voice, narrowing her eyes at him.

Alamo did not reply, only stared out the window, the town of Appleloosa and it's desert landscape coming up fast.

"Tartarus?!"

"Yes."

"The place where hundreds-"

"Thousands. Possibly more."

"....Thousands of evil monsters, and who knows what else, are trapped in, basically the pony equivalent of hell."

"...?"

"I'm deep, deep underground...trapped in hell with every monster and evil thing imaginable...with no way out..."I felt hysterical, lightheaded. A few nervous chuckles even escaped my mouth.

"Oh, there is a way out, but it is guarded by Cerberus."

"...Just great."

"It is not worth fretting over, jabberwocky."

That, I had to disagree with. I whirred around on him, my eyes wide and my body erratically twitching. I felt like foaming at the mouth."Not fucking worth fretting over?!"

He remained maddeningly calm, his face and tone ever constant in their blank expression.

"How is this NOT worth fretting over?!"

"We have been here for centuries. You will either learn to survive down here, or die, jabberwocky."

"Stop calling me that!"I shouted abruptly, my voice echoing across the vast expanse around us. The bugger of a mutt only tilted his head slightly, but the blank stare remained."That is what you are."

"I know...it's just that I have a name. It's Oddjob."I took in a deep breath to calm myself. Couldn't overreact, had to get myself under control.

"Very well, Oddjob. As per the customs dictated by common etiquette, Our name is Legion, for we are many."

I snickered."What, you get that out of a book?"

"We fail to see the humor in our name."

I deadpanned, the reference to the bible soaring right overhead this guy. I should've known better, anything on earth would be lost upon these Equestrians."Okay...Legion. Nice to meet you."

"And to you as well, Oddjob. Now, if you'll excuse us, we must be off."

Legion turned around on his backpaws and began to walk away to me alone in the god-forsaken hole."Wait!"I dashed around him, blocking his path."Where uh...where are you going?"

"To hide."

"...Why?"

At that moment, multiple roars of varying degree of ferociousness echoed across the massive cave system and began to make the very ground shake.

"It is feeding time."

"Is there...something I need to know here?"Shining Armor looked around curiously, the harsh gazes of both princesses and a knight upon him. He really wished Cadence was by his side right now to weaken the heavy atmosphere, but she was off tending to business in the Crystal Empire.

"As we have said...the jabberwocky went extinct centuries ago, right after the rule of Discord had come to an end."Celestia said, her voice never wavering."When Luna and I reclaimed the throne, we had thought the elements of harmony had wiped all of Discord's magic from the land, except for some curious reason...one creation of his remained. So, we had our best knights scour the land in pursuit of the beasts. We either had them slain or sent into Tartarus. No creature crafted by Discord could possibly bring any peace to Equestria. After the last one died, we had assumed the last bit of the draconequus had been snuffed out of the world."

"Perhaps,"Luna theorized."When Discord returned not too long ago, he brought jabberwockies back with him, and they are still immune to the elements?"

"Or..."Celestia jerked out of her seat, nearly sending the others right out of their skin."Where is the statue of Discord?!"

"In the maze, your majesty."Shining replied."You deemed it to dangerous for him...it to be out in the gardens for everypony to see, so we had the statue tucked away into the depths of the garden maze."

Just as he finished, Celestia was already walking out of the room with a stern expression upon her normally placid face.

"Where are you going, your majesty?"The others stood up to follow her.

"To visit a dear old friend."She headed through halls in the direction of the castle gardens.

"Well, this is it, ol' Appleloosa."

"...Quaint. Not the best, but I shall not faint."

The two trotted down the dusty roads, Alamo nodding to several ponies, each one nodding back at him with varying levels of interest.

"Alamo."

The cowpony stopped short at the gruff voice. He turned around with a wide, nervous grin to meet a mustachioed pony who only glared at him.

"Sheriff!"Alamo chuckled."G-good ta see ya! How's...the ol' noggin treatin' yer?"

"The swelling's gone down."A faint bruise from when Alamo pistol-whipped him still remained on his forehead.

"Good....good."

"Who's yer friend?"

"Oh her?"Alamo pointed at Zola."Zebra. Picked her up from Los Legasus."

" 'Picked me up'?"Zola raised an eye at him with a accusing tone.

"...Ah take it that whole 'Los Pegasus transformin' into a raging storm' thing had nothing to do with y'all?"The Sheriff asked suspiciously. The two shook their heads slowly simultaneously.

"Noooo....."Alamo averted his eyes.

"..."

The Sheriff only trotted off back to his office.

I ran, the two of us furiously trying to keep pace ahead of whatever roared behind us. The moment Legion had answered me, the stomping of something big followed up from one of the nearby caves, ready to chase us as a meal. I galloped behind as fast i could with my awkward legging, Legion running with graceful strides from his long limbs, each motion carrying him faster and faster.

"Does this happen a lot?!"I gasped out, the two of us turning a corner sharply, the big thing behind us crashing into a wall, but it did not give up the hunt.

"Every day."

"And you deal with it?! Every. Single. Day?!"

"Yes. We must, or we die."

At that moment, I felt a touch of sympathy for the poor blighter. He said he's spent centuries down here, centuries. Every day of his life in this rothole spent running from everything that had claws and fangs and probably fighting just to get a decent meal every once in a while. Hell, by his slick frame, I could tell he didn't eat a lot. How long has he suffered in the dark of Tartarus?

I followed him, running at a mad speed, until the sounds of roars had dimmed to a faint mumble far off in our ears. Good riddance. Legion slowed, and I did the same, every muscle within me burning and my lungs furiously trying to keep me breathing. He stood up on his backlegs to his full height, giving me a slight wave.

"You have come this far without falling behind, we applaud you. Most others would have been devoured by now."

"Thanks..."I muttered under my breath, rolling my eyes.

"It was most fortuitous for you that we stumbled upon you when we did, Oddjob."He continued walking down a narrow pathway. I strayed behind, still trying to catch my breath.

We continued on down a sloping path, going deeper and deeper into the bowels of this terrible place. Scrawled upon the walls in giant carvings were scratchings of an unknown language that I did comprehend. I rubbed my hand against it, some of the bits of wall crumbling away at my touch. I wiped the dust off on my jacket, which surprisingly, was still attached to me. Alas, it was utterly ripped and torn beyond any fashionable condition, and with a heavy sigh, I shed the garb.

"What is this?"I asked, pointing at the words along the wall as we walked.

"Old Equestrian,"Legion answered."A forgotten language only known by the ones who built this place."

"What does it say?"

"Mostly they are prayers of those trapped, but some are ancient sayings of power to make sure whatever is down here,"A moan of pain from something unearthly interrupted him, carrying on for a long time."...Stays down here."

Another shudder from me. If I had regular skin right now, I'd be crawling with goosebumps. This was not natural...it was utterly and terribly evil.

"...What about that?"I pointed overhead, the largest writing outlined in some strange green glow.

Legion paused as he read it."...'Whoever treads deeper into Tartarus shall be safer, but whoever is safer is in most danger."

"...What the bollocks does that even mean?"

"You shall see."

"Like being all enigmatic and confounding, don't ya?"I said flatly. The sloping path before us evened out again as we walked on.

After several more minutes of trodding through the darkened gloom, the only visible thing in front of me legion's ghostly white body, something began to play through the air. I could hear the rushing of water, a violent river of liquid flowing. In only a matter of footsteps, we came upon a massive river of sickly green water, the rapid flow giving off an eerie glow.

"The River Styx."Legion proclaimed bluntly.

I breathed a gasp of wonder as I gazed down into it's depths. For a brief moment, I thought my eyes to be playing tricks on me, but when I blinked again and stared harder, it was all too real to ever be imagined. I could make out faces in the water, ghastly, horrible faces of things long dead. Skeletons of ponies and griffins and other creatures all crying out to be released from their aquatic prison. I took a step back out of fear alone.

"Do not fear, Oddjob. They are merely apparitions of things that once were, they hold no power."

A roar that shook the entire area, sending crumbling bits of rock down to splash into the river, making the skeletons dissapear for now.

"What was that?!"

"Gaze into the Styx, and you shall have your answer."

I slowly approached the riverbank once more, peering into the depths of the river that carried with the dead. Deep beneath the water's surface, at the very bottom, i could make out something moving. It slithered, then blinked, revealing a bloodshot eye more massive than anything I had ever seen to gaze up at me. Welp, let's take the nopetrain all the way to fuckthatville. I backed up, clutching my chest, my heart pounding furiously.

"That is the meaning to the words earlier, Oddjob. No other beast dares come down here for fear of what lies beneath Tartarus, something old...and very evil."

"Then why do you come down here?!"

"We are safe, as long as we do not disturb the Trapped One. His presence alone wards off other predators."

"..."

"Is there something the matter, Oddjob?"

"Is there a place I can vomit in peace?"

"See princess? Right where I told you."

The four ponies walked into the center of the vast and extensive maze within the gardens, anypony rarely making it this far in without getting lost. It was made this way to protect, or more correctly, protect others from what stood in the center of the maze. The petrified body of Discord stood upon a pedestal, exactly in the pose he had been defeated by the elements of harmony not too long ago. Celestia was very proud of her student and her friends at defeating such a foe, and so quickly as well. With a sigh of relief and her fears put to rest, Celestia nodded at the others.

"...It appears the worst has not come to pass. Come, we must prepare plans for being rid of this storm."

As they turned around and made their way back to the grounds of the castle, nopony noticed that the statue of the spirit flickered ever so slightly before vanishing all together once they left, the sound of mad cackling on the winds...

Alamo trotted into the saloon, Zola following behind at a casual pace. He seated himself right up at the counter, the barkeep already handing a jug of whiskey to him. Alamo flicked three bits out of the bag with his magic, the barkeep catching them swiftly in his hooves, nodding back.

"...Is this really all you do?"

"Just drink, spit and chew."Alamo chuckled in reply, to which Zola gave him the deadest and unnerving of her stares, his laughter dying down almost instantly.

"Hey, Alamo."

The auburn pony turned to see several other cowponies sitting at a table across from him, their grizzled eyes all upon him."What happened to that wonky-lookin' feller that went after ya?"

"..."

"He okay?"

"..."

"Huh, Alamo Wall with nothin' ta say."

The ponies at the table turned around, their interest in Alamo over. The cowpony simply downed his whiskey harder and faster, enough to make his throat burn incredibly and make tears roll down his face. When he was done, he let out a mighty belch and motioned for a refill.

"Drinkin' away some sorrows as usual, Alamo?"The barkeep asked, topping the bottle. He was only met with silence. The barkeep turned to Zola with an odd expression."What's wrong with him?"

"Oddjob."

"Y'know him?"

"We had a meeting, a little friendship worth out of the mob."

"Well, good on ya. If he ever shows his face round these parts again, tell 'im drinks are on the house. He saved all our hides."

Zola nodded, the keep turning back to his duties of dusting and making sure his bottles were all aligned.

"...Feeling better, Oddjob?"

"Y.....y-yeah..."

I wiped away the bits of remaining bile from my chin, holding back the dry heaves that were trying to force their way through my chest. I padded up to Legion, my eyes bleary and the acidic taste of stomach chunks still in my mouth.

"Come."Legion waved me over, walking down the riverbank of the accursed Styx. I followed behind slowly, but dared not stare back into the water, lest whatever lay beneath stare back at me as well.

We began walking once again, this trip much sorter and less dangerous than the previous one. We arrived at a small despot indented into the wall, a cavern. We stepped inside, the smell of smoke sizzling from a fire and the dampness that came with an underground cave greeting us.

"Welcome to our humble abode."Legion spread out his arms to the small cave. A crackling fire was in the center, giving the cave a flickering red and yellow glow about it. Runes and carvings were scratched and painted into the walls. Some were red, so I was going to guess that it was magical underground berry juice it was painted with and not blood. A mass of fur and crunched-up bones laid in the corner, presumably Legion's bedding.

Legion plopped himself down by the fire, and I did the same, warming my hands up to it. Boy, did that heat feel good after the longest time in darkness and cold. I breathed an sigh of utter relief as the warmth washed over me, ridding all thoughts of before away from my body.

"...Thank you."

The white diamond dog perked up at my words.

"...You're very...kind for letting me follow you, and all that."

"Think nothing of it. Normally, we would have killed you and eaten your various fleshes for a meal,"He said this as if it were a normal conversation. I stared at him with wide eyes as he spoke."But, considering that you have the taint, we believe you would be the most helpful of repellants."

"...I'm just some kind of bug spray to you."

"Whatever this 'bug spray' is, we imagine that you mean your presence with the taint will keep other monsters away, then yes."

"You have the fucking 'Trapped One' out there, why would you need me?!"

"There is no such thing as 'too careful', Oddjob."Legion reached over with his long arms and pulled a bowl from beside his bundled bed, picking out some unknown substance and gobbling it down hungrily. He offered it to me, some squishy goo with black chunklets in it greeting me."Grounded cave grubs, very nutritious."

I shook my head at his offer with a sick face."No thank you...I'll pass."

"Food is very sparse down here unless you're willing to hunt for it, I would take it if we were you."

Slowly, I scooped out some of the gunk with my hand, shakily bringing it up to my lips and taking a dainty lick of the stuff. I smacked my mouth a little to get the whole flavor over my tastebuds and gums, and found it quite...palatable. It reminded me of salsa in consistency, expect it was so much less flavorful and more slimy. With a shrug, I horked it down with a gulp, feeling it slide all the way down my throat, and with an elongated neck like mine, the feeling was utterly repulsive as it moved down my stretched esophagus.

"So...I have a question."

"Proceed."Legion blankly stated in monotone.

"Why do you speak so formally, and with all the 'we' and 'our' stuff? Most diamond dogs, I hear, are pretty..."I tried not to judge him based off of the single appearance of diamond dogs in the show, but it was so hard not to.

"Unintelligent?"He finished. I nodded slowly.

"It is true, our brethren who live higher up are not as refined as we are, but we are a different breed of diamond dog. We are diamond dogs, a collective with enough learning capacity to match that of Canterlot in tone and voice."He paused, doing that little shuffle of his face as if listening to something else."...Is Canterlot still standing?"

I nodded.

"Good. The ponies were stupid, but their rulers were smart, smart enough to banish us down here."

"...How old are you?"

"Oh, we want to say...four hundred? Or was it three hundred?"

"I take it...normal diamond dogs don't live as long as you."

"Like we said, we are not a diamond dog, we are diamond dogs, as in plural."

"...I don't follow."I shook my head, confused.

"We are not a single diamond dog. Nay, multiple diamond dogs reside in this single body."

"You lost me there."

"Surely you do not know the story of the 'Lost Legion'?"

"Can't say that I do..."

"Then you may wish to relax, Oddjob, for it is a long and complicated tale..."

Once upon a time, as most stories begin with, there was a diamond dog. He was known as Fenrir, a feared and respected pack leader of the largest diamond dog clan Equestria had ever seen. He commanded well over a thousand dogs, and they ruthlessly tore into any who opposed them or dared to stray into Fenrir Pack territory. Under his leadership, the clan prospered, while the land around them died from their thriving. Soil was turned dead of nutrients from their constant digging, precious diamonds were eaten and stolen away, and many a village disappeared overnight wherever the Fenrir Clan moved. Eventually, something had to give.

A traitor within the clan, Blackfang, Fenrir's own brother, tore him from leadership in a battle over the right to be called 'Alpha'. Blackfang used cunning and trickery to outwit his own brother's opposites of strength and might, turning the entire clan against him. Banished from the thousand dogs he once called family, Fenrir went on a exile march straight to Canterlot, the capital of Equestria. He seeked an audience with Princess Celestia herself, asking for aid in restoring him to power. In return, he would supply precious gems and even a workforce so her ponies would not have to endanger themselves in underground mining activities. The sovereign agreed, sending over a dozen score of her own guards with Fenrir to reclaim his rightful title.

Oh, the battle was long and bloody, indeed it was. Blackfang himself fought tooth and nail against Fenrir to hold onto power, but his brother proved to be the strongest in combat, slaying him and ripping Blackfang's head right off, holding it highly with a victory howl echoing all across the battlefield. All seemed won, all seemed right.

Unfortunately, Fenrir did not hold his end of the bargain. His clan moved even faster across Equestria, leaving destruction and chaos in wake everywhere they went. Fenrir believed himself higher above the princess herself. If she was so powerful, why had she sent soldiers to aid him in battle? He was stupid to forget her help with making him Alpha again, and he would greatly pay for his misdeeds and treatment of Celestia's precious ponies, the very beings she had vowed to protect since the beginning of time.

To Fenrir's surprise, the sun goddess herself landed right in the Clan's camp one day. There was battle, if it could hardly be called that. Not a single scratch had been laid upon the alicorn's head, while the entirety of Fenrir's pack had all been killed save for himself. He fell to ground, the bodies of kin laying around him in a pool of warm blood, his eyes pleadingly gazing up at the angered deity.

"Look at what you have done, Fenrir,"Her magnified voice carried across the fields."Your comrades, your kin, their blood is upon your head. Your selfishness and cruelty has cost you dearly, diamond dog. A punishment must be made for you."

"What punishment?!"Fenrir cried out, tears streaming down his red-soaked coat."Is this not enough?!"

Celestia shook her head, her horn lighting up with a brilliant glow that blinded any who would dare look upon her. Fenrir covered his face, expecting to be transformed into a pillar of ash in a matter of seconds, but that fate would be too merciful for him. He was lifted up into the air, the blood of a thousand fallen swirling around him a tempest of tragedy.

"This is your punishment, Fenrir."Her voice shook the very earth itself as the blood swirled ever closer to him, soaking into his body. All at once, voices filled his mind, those of his clan, each one crying out for retribution against his sins, each one angered at him.

"You are to forever feel the pain and suffering your clan felt by your own claws, brought down by your misdeeds. You shall be banished to Tartarus, the pit of all things black and evil."The tempest of blood had been entirely absorbed by the pack leader, his cries echoing alongside the voices of the dead.

"You are now Legion, nothing but a shell housing a thousand broken souls."

His screams were heard around the land as the earth itself opened up to swallow him.

"..."

"I...I'm sorry, Fenrir..."

"We are no longer Fenrir, we have not had that name for a long time. We are simply Legion now."

"So...I'm not speaking directly to a single being...I'm speaking to a thousand right now?"

The pure white diamond dog nodded slowly."We all hear you, we all see you, and we all have differentiating thoughts about you, though the thoughts of the Alpha and the Beta are mostly the ones that control this body."

"..."

All at once, I moved in close, clutching Legion's body close to mine. He, she, it, struggled briefly before realizing my motion was not threatening."Why...are you embracing us?"

"Man... fucking pity story!"I sobbed." I'm not emotional...I'm not!"

Legion slowly returned the hug, though a bit awkwardly.

"...You can release us now."

Plans of Escape

Falling asleep that night was rather difficult considering that there was no perception of time, the sun and moon meant nothing underground. I had taken it was time to go to 'bed' when Legion curled up in his own warm bundle of fur. So, laying down on the hard cold floor of stone, sleep eluded me to leave me to a state of but my own thoughts and semi-consciousness.

I tossed and turned as I tried to find a comfortable position, but being as that I was lying on rock instead of soft blankets and a nice pillow tucked under my head, I would have to settle for a boulder and a sheet of dirt as a replacement. Tuckering myself down and giving a little snort of disapproval at my conditions, My mind began to wander to past memories and how I had ended up goddamn fucking Tartarus.

I could remember Alamo, that was for sure. He played a big role in sending me to...Los Pegasus? Yeah, that was the catalyst that sent this whole chain reaction of events into motion. Then Zola...very odd, if not sweet zebra. I had only known her for three days, and she helped me out of a jam, even fighting some of her former employer's goons. Partly I thought it was because she was tired of working for the lout, but the thought was dearly appreciated.

Then...a storm. I could remember a great big storm thrashing about angrily and with enough destructive force to devastate all in its path. A brief flash of the King entered my head, only to be replaced by Strife, cackling wildly over the winds. I fought her, but everything past that was a blank only to be overcome by the darkness that clouded the nerves holding my memories. Only brief flashes of bodies and voices dimly came to memory, but that was it. The next thing I knew, I'm down here in Tartarus with a diamond dog who has a thousand voices dancing around in their head.

Talk about a shitty break.

My thoughts briefly flickered to what Legion had said early about the 'taint', the corruption within me. Obviously, it had been put in there by Discord when he popped me up this body to be sent to Equestria. Man, if I had known clicking 'yes' on that email would have sent me into a spiral of all this, I would've thrown my laptop out the window right then and there.

...Actually, I wouldn't have. Or I might've. I don't know...being sent to the land of the cartoon that I loved was a dream come true, but everything in it from giant worms to crime families to chaos gods has left my head reeling for a bit of normality. I could just picture my room in my home back on earth. I could just smell the scent of breakfast lazily drifting through the hallways, past my door, and into my nostrils, urging me to leap out of bed and grab some grub before the rest of my familia ate it all. Usually they did, only leaving me a muffin or two and a soggy bowl of cereal. I chuckled to myself in the dark of the cave, the memories so far away they seemed unreal.

How was my family even doing? Was I still there, my human body, or was both my conscious mind and self sent flying towards the land of ponies? Or was this all just some timey-wimey, wibbly-wobbly trick of Discord's? I had no clue.

With a final sigh, my eyes grew heavy and my breathing slowed to allow a light layer of rest to fall upon my weary body. My last thought was of home before sleep turned off my brain for eight hours.

"Awaken, Oddjob."

"...No." I grumbled out bluntly, blindly swatting out with my head and hitting a fuzzy snout as my reward.

"If you are to stay down here with us, you must pull your own weight in the pack."

"This isn't a pack..."

"You stay with us, you are part of Fenrir Clan pack now."

"..."

I rolled over to turn my back to him, mumbling for him to shove a certain sweeping tool up his arse. A few seconds passed, and I thought him to have given up waking me, much to my relief. I was only returned with a heavy strike and something snapping in my backside. With a yelp, I jolted up to my feet, whirling around to see Legion only staring at me with that dead glaze in his eyes.

"We are sorry that we had to pluck some feathers from one of your wings, but we thought it the only way to awaken you."

"Well, you should have...wait, did you say wings?"

"We did."

I blinked once or twice before moving my mouth."I don't have wings."

"You do." Legion stated.

"I don't."

"Do."

"Don't."

"Do."

"Don't."

"...Do."

"I will ram my fist down your throat."

"There is no need for such violent statements, Oddjob. You do have wings, it is a fact."

With a defeated sigh, I turned my arms around and began to rub them down the feathery folds of my back just to prove the mutt wrong. My bird and bear appendages worked their way down from the tip of my shoulders , only to have something obstruct their descent right in between the shoulder blades. I rolled in the muscles in my slinky spine, feeling a bit of extra weight, slight, not too much, somewhere along there. I felt two tiny pieces of something fluttery jutting out of my back, and with a mental thought to these new muscles, they flapped to my thought.

Well. I had wings now.

I twisted my head right around and extended it down until I had a good view of my backside. There, just as Legion had said, were wings sprouting out from the white feather coat. They were small and pretty pitiful looking, not even able to keep me aloft for any amount of time, but it appeared they had grown in overnight. The right one was dowry-looking smudged with brown feathers, while the left one appeared leathery and batlike in appearance.

Righting my neck and head, I looked down at Legion with an odd glance."You were right."

"We know we were."

"..."

"Not very humble, are ya Legion?"

"There is no need to be humble. We were correct, and you were wrong."

"...Before I get the notion to clobber you, why did you wake me up?"

Legion pawed his way over to the exit of his little hide-away cave on all fours, nodding with his head for me to follow.

"If we are to eat, It is time for the hunt."

Carefully...silently. No sudden movements, no loud breathing either. Even your thoughts must be quiet, or the prey will hear their sharpness. You must blend in with the environment, make it as your own flesh, breath it in as if it were a part of you, allowing your mind to freely flow amongst the land to hone in on the target. Do not underestimate it, for a good chance of the time, the prey is always faster than you, always smarter than you, it needed to be so that it may live. But you needed to live as well, that is why the great cycle of hunter and prey happened.

Or at least that's what Legion told me.

All I did was charge out with an angry roar and stomping feet, the sound of heavy hoof and paw echoing across the cave. With a shrill squeak, the cave grubs, each one the size of a fist, looked up at me and burrowed their way back into the ground and out of my reach. When I turned around, Legion already had two in each paw, looking at me with a hint of regret in his features. I bet every last one of his voices were saying "This fuckin' guy."

I blew out a breath of annoyance, a cinder crackling through the air only to die out. I approached the lanky hound and he handed me a grub, the thing wriggling in my hand. I resisted the urge to chuck it far away and find a nice place to heave a little.

"You are terrible at hunting." Legion said, crushing the head of his grub, sending a splay of goo across his white fur. He ignored it and took a great mighty bite out of the bug, the sound of fangs grinding into the carcass filling my ears.

"I thought scaring them would work..." I tried to explain, taking the grub in my left hand, pinching its head between my fingers and squeezing, a pop squelching through the air. I looked down and thought that I would save my own grub for later, maybe when its body wasn't still writhing.

"It doesn't."

"Thank you, Sherlock."I retorted as we walked back through the series of tunnels downwards to the bottom of Tartarus, the Styx's stench already filling the air, so thick you could cut cubes of it out and physically hold it.

"Who is this Sherlock?"

"Famous guy, very smart, very witty, always had a big magnifying glass with him."

"What is this...'magnifying glass' that you speak of?"

"You need to get out more, Legion."

"We cannot."

My face fell flat."It was a joke."

Legion paused, his face moving to that inquisitive glance of hearing something else. I had figured by now that whenever he did this, we was listening to some of the others that dwelled within the body. He looked back at me once he was done conversating internally with the rest of his pack.

"Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha."

"Your laugh...sounds forced."

"Only half of the pack found your joke funny."

"Okay, I really need to get out of here and away from you."

"We could take you up to the exit, if you wish."

My head jerked to attention at his words."...Really?"

He nodded."But of course, Cerberus guards the way."

"I can risk that."

"You really shouldn't, Oddjob." His tone took on that of...worry?

"Pffft."I blew out a raspberry."I've taken out a Mother Worm before, I think I can handle a three-headed mutt."

"...Very well."

The diamond dog turned around on his hindlegs, heading down another tunnel to the side. I followed behind, the tunnel leading straight up. As we progressed, the sounds and echoes of other monsters began to die away, leaving only the constant motion of our feet on rock and a drip of water somewhere else.

We went up, up, up for the longest time, nary turning a corner. The tunnel only inclined as we went further, signaling that the only direction was, guess what, up.

"Have at your chance of freedom, Oddjob." Legion stepped aside as we came upon the mouth of the tunnel, widening out into a large cavern of stalagmites and stalactites everywhere. The air was so much fresher out here, so much sweeter. I breathed in deeply, a lemony flavor washing over my senses. When did air taste this good?!

"I will."I cracked a grin of fangs, stepping forward. I could even make out a brief glimpse of light at the end of the cave! Maybe Cerberus wasn't around? That'd be the most luckiest thing to happen to me yet since I landed in Equestria.

The moment I neared the middle of the cave however, was when my usual bad luck kicked in. With a mighty combination of a snarl, a bark, and a grunt at the same time, something massive roared out of the shadows to come at me.

A Chaos Theory

"Here we go..." I cursed under my breath quickly, the perpetuating sound of heavy galloping from something very, very big filling the cavern, each rocking footstep shaking rubble loose from above. Coming into my line of sight was a hulking beast of sheeny black fur, three heads bustling about along the neckline with a spiked collar on each of them. All three heads had its own set of red eyes upon me, determinedly angry bloodlust in each of them. Cerberus, guardian of Tartarus, was heading right for me.

He reared his mighty paw back for a strike, each claw as thick as my own body, and I ducked underneath the swipe with a little bounce of my body, moving out of the way as the colossal dog's body bulldozed the area I had been just seconds before. It whirred around on its hindlegs and roared with all three heads, charging at me once more. I sidestepped the beast easily, taking in a breath and puffing out with a roar of my own, sending a steady stream of fire directly into the side of the mongrel. Cerberus simply shrugged off the intense heat with a shake of his body, spinning back around to face me, jowls raised and fangs bared. I stepped back slowly with a surprised expression.

"He is fireproof, Oddjob." Legion called out from his safety spot at the back of the tunnel. "Most monsters down here do breath fire, so Cerberus enchanted to repel it."

"You could've warned me!" I shouted back, narrowly dodging another paw swipe, this one nicking me a bit on the side, but that small nick created a nice line of green ooze down my stomach. "Is there anything else I should know about this mutt?!"

"Well," Legion drawled off at the end of his sentence, listening to the collective inside his head as I tried to not become a chew toy for Cujo x100 over here.

"We cannot speak with him, he is of dog blood, but too feral. Princess Luna owns him, though she has not been down here in a while to give him a nice scratch behind the ears, and there are several other magical enchantments upon the beast that make it nearly impossible for anything to escape Tartarus."

"Like, what kind of enchantments?!" I was cut off as the three-headed dog's foreleg caught me right in the chest, forcing the air out of my lungs and sending me tumbling across the floor. I tried to catch my breath, but it only came in little raspy puffs. I could barely hear Legion over the sound of blood rushing in my ears and dim darkness playing at the edges of my vision.

Legion listed off what affected the giant dog, but I didn't hear a word he said as the rumbling body of Cerberus came at me once more, the middle head reaching down and snapping me up in its powerful jaws. It felt like very bone in my body had been crushed by that action, and even more pressure was coming down on me as it clamped down only harder, its hot breath filling my senses.

Just before I passed out and became a bone to be buried for later, one of the side heads leaned in and sniffed me, letting out a little whine of distress at what it caught scent of. There was barking between the three heads, and the middle one dropped me roughly onto the ground, Cerberus backing away from me slowly, still whining.

I found myself lifted up my Legion, the diamond dog supporting me as we headed back to the tunnel that went down to the pits of Tartarus.

"...The taint?" I asked him through mumbled lips.

"Indeed, Oddjob. It may be a curse, but it was just a blessing then for you."

Through my jumbled vision, Legion had dragged my sorry ass through the caves and down to the bottom of Tartarus once more, dropping me onto the floor of his own little cave, the stench coming from the River Styx wafting through the air with a heavy odor.

"Blugh..." I slowly heaved myself to sitting straight up, a sore shoot of pain making its way up from my side and through my chest. I winced as the dull pain sharpened around the area that held my lungs and heart. Legion was off in the corner, silently pulling unknown supplies together and mixing them into a bowl. He returned only seconds later with gauze wrapping and a wooden bowl of pasty mush that resembled vomit more than medicine. He scoop a pawful of it out and smeared it across the gash on my side, my acidic blood and the healing paste conflicting in a hissing sizzle. The diamond dog then wrapped the gauze around me until a good layer had built up around my midsection, to which he tied it off.

"...Thanks..." I said once he was done.

"Twas nothing, Oddjob." Legion replied, returning his supplies to the corner of the cave and coming back over to plop himself down beside me.

"...I'm going to be stuck down here, aren't I?" I questioned solemnly, to which Legion nodded slowly.

"We have tried many a time to escape, but Cerberus is a very formidable creature." Legion explained. "He is much smarter than he appears, and the magic bestowed upon him by the princesses makes sure that even the most deadly of evils trapped down here would have trouble handling him."

I let out a sigh of defeat and layed down on my back slowly, as not to disrupt the bandage holding my wound. "Mind if I ask you a question, Legion?"

"Proceed."

"You told me your story...but your punishment, wasn't it a bit cruel?" My voice perked up in curiosity. From the cartoon, Celestia was a benevolent and loving ruler, one who would not dare stoop to violence or such dark deeds as Legion had explained. Just one of the many new perks of this perfect world I found myself in.

"Ah yes, we were wondering when you were going to ask that. We too thought that at first, in our earlier years of banishment." Legion's multiple voices took on that of one lost in thought, probably lost in many thoughts of the thousand trapped within one vessel. "But as we progressed in age and wisdom, sharpened by survival down here amongst the ancient and trapped, we began to realize something. What we had done was evil.

"We killed ponies merely for our own gain. Entire villages were ransacked and ravaged for supplies, the earth itself was overturned just so we could get our precious 'jewels'." Legion's many voices held a somewhat sickened expression as the word. "And the worst of all, we betrayed so that we could kill a betrayer." Strangely enough, a single voice called out this time, this one old and gruff, reminding me of Alamo.

"Celestia was right to do this to us. The blood of every diamond dog and pony lost is on our claws." He held up his paws, examining each strand of white fur, each line on his pawpads, each delicately sharpened claw.

"We just hope that when we die, if we ever do, we will pass onto the Great Hunt, where we will no longer be held by our past sins," The voices took on a dreamy tone. "And we will be forever free to hunt and eat as we please, our past clanmates ready to greet us joyously."

"Ah, what a cute little sob story!"

The sound of clapping echoed through the cave. Legion and I turned around to see a gangly figure of a peculiar outline standing in the mouth of the cave. I narrowed my slitted eyes at the appearance of the unwanted being.

"Discord."

"Oddy, so glad to see ya!" The spirit cackled as he stepped in, popping up a lounge chair from nowhere and promptly seating himself comfortably in it, a wooden pipe that produced bubbles in-between his lips. He took a long draw from the pipe, unleashing a stream of bubbles before speaking again.

"I have to say, you really do make the oddest of friends." He pointed at Legion, who was regarding the strange creature with a tentative glance.

"You are the Chaotic One." The diamond dog said with a hint of fear in one of the tinny voices that spoke along with the others. "You...you are supposed to be imprisoned in stone."

"Ding-ding! We have a winner here, folks!" The draconequus chuckled, holding up a tiny flag of victory, a pop of confetti raining down from the ceiling to fall on Legion, who shook it off of his coat.

"But stone doesn't really go with my eyes," He batted his eyes at us jokingly.

"What are you doing here?" I piped up, arms crossed.

"Just checking in on how you're doing, that's all." He replied nonchalantly, reclining in the chair.

"After one of your lackeys almost got me killed." I spoke through gritted fangs.

"Oh, that little mess? You actually thought I wanted you dead?" He laughed, patting me atop the head, to which I smacked his paw away. "Oh Oddy, Strife was merely there to aid in your...role here. Too bad you killed her, the mare could act up a storm, if'n ya know what I mean!" He gleefully cackled at his own joke. I only met him with a deadpan stare and anger in my eyes, or at least I tried to show it.

"You said that I had no obligations." I repeated what I could remember of the contract I agreed to when I looked up that single email so long ago.

"Did you read the rest of the contract?" He raised an eyebrow with a smirk on his face.

"...The bloody thing was a sheer wall of text. I couldn't have read all of it!"

"Too bad for you then!" Discord quipped at me. "If you had read subsection B, line 34-C, then you would have known that "If the target is thrown into Tartarus, he/she/it falls under the command of the contractor until it is seen fit to release him."

"That's...fucking jargon!"

"Oh boo-hoo, cry me a river." He got up from his chair and walked over to me, Legion backing away slowly from the spirit of disharmony's approach.

"Let me tell you a little story..." His lion's paw lashed out faster than I could even see, gripping around my face with strength that made my own small in comparison. I could feel his magic at play, slithering, twisting, working its way into my mind, working alongside the corruption already in the pit of my being. I tried to resist it, the internal clash within me against a force so ancient and powerful it had no age, but it was hopeless. His magic was what made me, and it was what was controlling me at the moment. As my vision blackened to his grinning face, something else appeared. I could see a castle. No...I could see Canterlot. I could see the royal court and everything, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna sitting side by side on their thrones.

"Once upon a time, there was a little pony named Concord..."

The princesses were laughing. My vision panned out to see a unicorn in a colorful jester's outfit, standing upright on one foreleg while balancing plates on his other legs, multi-tasking by juggling balls in the air with his magic. The face of the unicorn slightly resembled Discord's own in color and build, but it couldn't be.

"He loved his job, he truly did. making everypony smile and laugh with his tricks, his special magic. But that was mere child's play to what he could actually do."

The scene shifted to night, Concord, out of his clown outfit, was in the Canterlot library, studying stacks and stacks of tomes that seemed to be about magic.

"But the little fool," His voice tightened into something angry. "Made one vital mistake. He thought the princesses would be accepting of his magic, his talents. He was wrong."

Another scene shift this time it showed The pony Concord transforming several of the nobles in gathering into twisted versions of themselves, even changing the castle into a topsy-turvy funhouse. He was having great fun, but with a flick of her horn and a dash of light, Celestia had returned all to normal. Concord looked up at her confused and a tad nervous. Had he done something wrong?

"He was rejected for what he could and loved to do."

The next image in my mind showed Concord in the library once more, this time wiping off a thick grey layer of dust and age from a massive tome. There was rage and tears in his face. He opened up the book, turning to a very specific page. He began to speak, his horn glowing with dark, writhing magic that made one squirm just looking at it. The air around him began to shimmer, books lifting into the air as a whirlwind took hold of the unicorn. Despite the going-ons around him, he persisted with continuing the spell. The magic made its way down his horn and across his body, distorting it almost grotesquely. His neck and torso stretched until it was entirely serpentine with differentiating fur, his limbs torn off only to be replaced with new, bizarre ones of other animals. His horn receded into his forehead as wings began to grow out of his back. Concord laughed maniacally, an appropriate boom of thunder from behind following. He playfully demonstrating his new powers by flexing his hands, the entire library being transformed into different types of cheese. The now transformed Concord was on his back, holding his sides in laughter.

"His talent was chaos, and he became what everypony feared."

It showed Discord rampaging across Equestria, taking it over by force. Everything had been changed into the way he saw the world. Rivers ran with chocolate milk, gravity seemed pretty iffy about its job, ponies could defy the very laws that held them together, and all the while, Discord only wreaked more and more chaos.

"Or..."

The scene shifted once more. I could see Discord in his usual form before Celestia, her face twisted into a gaze of pure hatred. Discord himself appeared utterly devastated, backing away from her slowly. I saw flashes of what could have been memories, but with Discord, who knew? I could see Celestia slowly approaching a weakened, helpless figure. They were speaking with one another, laughing even. The scene then took a dramatic plunge for the worse as Discord showed Celestia what he was, what he could truly do, which had lead to the anger the sun goddess showed to him.

They fought. Celestia was clearly outmatched, and even with her sister Luna by her side, Discord could overpower them easily. He rampaged once more across Equestria in a style befitting of his personality. But...at the end, he looked weakened. He sadly gazed up, Celestia and Luna hovering over him with six unmistakable stones blasting a rainbow directly at him. He struck a pose to impress her one last time.

"Maybe old Discord was a stinged lover? Just an ugly monster before the eyes of something so beautiful."

"Or..."

Oh God make it stop. My head was reeling from the chaotic magic working its way into every fiber of my being. I thought up was down, left was right, dark was light. I wanted to scream yet I had no mouth. I wanted to rip off my very skin and throw it away. The itching, itching, itching, itching, ITCHING, itching, ItChInG, always the itching. It covered me, scritching and scratching and grinding and tearing and pulling oh I wanted to be free. I wanted to be rid of my thoughts. I just wanted to go and be free from what held me down. I let out a little giggle. Did I laugh? Or was that in my own head? Oh, the images were changing again. I liked those.

"Maybe I've always existed? Just as Celestia and Luna and other gods were there, Discord was there, from the beginning of time..."

A big empty space. Black. Nothing. Something. Hovering. Discord cackling. Something slithered in the darkness. Something moving to fight that slither. I didn't know what it was. All at once, a blast of light from somewhere holy and just. and the very antithesis of everything But the light. Oh the LIGHT. It burned, it seared, I HATED THE LIGHT.

I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it help me I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it *I hate** it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate *it I** hate it I hate it

"I can be whatever I want. I am chaos, and for chaos, there is no rule, no order. And the sooner you get that through your thick little skull, the better it will be...for all of us." The spirit released his paw from me.

"How do you feel, Dismay?" He questioned.

I cracked a wicked grin. "Chaotic."

I Am Who I Am

I felt good. No...better than good, I felt great. Sure, I did feel a tad cold, as if every last drop of warmth had left my body, but who needed heat and light when you had chaos brewing in your veins?

Discord and I padded our way through the chambers of Tartarus, only our goal upwards. We laughed and chuckled as if we were old pals, and in a sense, I supposed we were. He made me what I was now, and I couldn't ask for anything more. Well, except maybe a blanket. Why was it so chilly all of a sudden?

"I'm glad you've finally moved on from that old mindset of yours, Dismay."The draconequus said as we neared the entrance, or should I say, exit, the sound of light growling from Cerberus filling our ears.

I wanted to correct him and say a word...Oddjob? Why had that come to mind? My name was Dismay, not something as silly as a title like that.

"I'm glad I have to." I replied with a wide grin. Oh, it felt so wonderful to be free. The condensed pit inside me had grown until every last inch of my body felt enwrapped by the chaotic power, giving my body a slightly grey tone. But, who cares? I was way too colorful before, and I believed this gray suited me more.

We entered the chamber of Cerberus, his massive black body lumbering towards us with a purpose. Something dully throbbed at my side as the beast approached. Why would it do that?

"Let me handle this." Discord cracked his knuckles and stepped forward, not even flinching when one of the giant dog's heads snapped a warning bite right in front of his face. He merely yawned and snapped his fingers with a command. "Heel!"

The three-headed dog was sent flying backwards by an unknown force, whimpering with pain when it landed. I had to give it to the mutt though, it got right back up, eager to do its mistress's commands: Let nothing in or out of Tartarus. It charged forward with anger in its steps, baying madly with barks.

Discord merely walked by the monster, a giant white cone resembling a satellite disk appearing around each of the dogs, a chain attached to the collars and bounding it to the wall. Cerberus pitifully scratched at the cones of shame around it, but its whimpers fell on deaf ears, we had chaos to wreak, and couldn't spend it all down here.

"Come, Dismay! We have to meet with the others!" The spirit waved for me to follow, and I happily obliged. The two of us stepped out into a bright green forest, a blast of fresh air assaulting me, my senses overwhelmed by the pureness of it all. Animals chittered off in the distance, and the sound of a babbling stream could be heard nearby. It was all so...perfect.

I gagged. Discord sympathetically nodded at me,

"It's much too peaceful out here!" I exclaimed.

"Agreed." He pointed at a nearby tree and inversed it, the leaves in the ground and the roots in the air now. "But don't worry, everything's gonna get a bit more...topsy-turvy once the plan is in action."

"What...exactly is the plan?"

"Oh, y'know, a little build-up, a bit of anticipation, storming a castle and meeting an old friend, all that!" He chuckled. I laughed alongside him, the chirping of birds and the sounds of woodland animals dying out to our laughter, as if they knew the intent behind it all.

Discord snapped his fingers, and in a burst of light, we were off. To who knows where, I had no idea. All I knew that I was Dismay now, and chaos was my goal, my only point to live. I'd make everything miserable, I'd make it all fun, I'd make wrong right and right wrong and everything in-between.

...I still missed the warmth though...I couldn't figure out what it was.

The Seizing of Canterlot

"..."

Legion cautiously made his way out of the cave, the entirety of Tartarus grown silent with Discord's sudden appearance and leaving with one of its should-be prisoners in one of the easiest jailbreaks ever. He padded softly through the tunnels, his white eyes never blinking from their target: forward and upward. If this was his chance to escape, he was going to take it now. Several of the voices inside his head disagreed with the course of action, they said it would be much safer underground than above with the Chaotic One now free, but many others, along with the Beta of the pack, agreed that now was the time for them to be free after so many years.

The vessel of a thousand diamond dogs entered the cavern he had just been in nary an hour earlier, his senses perking up to take stock of the situation. His nose picked up fear and a hint of blood, his ears the sound of whining. To the far wall, Cerberus laid chained and with a strange, restricting cone around each head. Legion slowly walked on all fours towards the exit, each step feeling as if it would alert the beast and send him back down to the prison so far below.

But, Cerberus seemed far too disabled to even deal with the white diamond dog. It only sat there, ears tuckered down and its tail between its legs in defeat, ignoring Legion.

With all the confidence in the world, Legion broke into a run, each leg a pumping piston that jolted adrenaline through his veins and into a speedy gallop that rushed him through the cavern. With each step, he could feel the grip of Tartarus slowly leaving, the dead air giving way to something alive and free and wonderful. Legion suddenly found himself immersed in dazzling sunlight, blinding him momentarily.

He fell back on his haunches, stunned at the world around him, a plethora of immersions washing over him, every last instinct and voice within him in a euphoria of ecstasy.

He was free.

"Free..." He allowed the sweet word to roll around on his lolling tongue, giving him shivers that bristled his fur happily. Every last bit of the world around him gave him no end to joy. The trees and the flowers smelled of the sweetest nectar, every last sound was harmonic music to his perked ears, and the air...oh the air! It met his lungs with a vigor he had not tasted in centuries.

"We...are free." Every voice said these three words with absolute wonder at the sound rolling off their lips. A tentative paw reached out into the grass, each gentle blade bending underneath the weight set down. Legion began walking through the green ground beneath, each step a step away from Tartarus and towards freedom.

Legion looked up to see an odd sight, a tree turned upside down with the roots shooting up into the air, clumps of falling dirt occasionally crumbling through the air. Legion went to confer with the voices inside.

"I don't exactly remember trees being like that." Fenrir stated.

"They aren't." A deep if not feminine voice replied, Siria, the pack Beta.

"...Do we even remember what a tree is?" One of the lower grunt soldiers inferred. Even after all these centuries with him, Fenrir could still not remember his name. He rolled his metaphorical eyes.

"Of course we do! It...grows from the ground, it's green, and sometimes stuff grows from it too."

"Oh."

A consensus had been made that that was not a normal tree, seeing as how there were many others around that didn't even look like it.

"A work of the Chaotic One?" Legion mused, touching a paw to the bark of the upturned tree, patting the claws against it playfully. A sudden thunderstrike broke his attention. Legion turned to the horizon just past the break in the forest, a massive wall of black swallowing up the blue sky around it.

"Captain Shining Armor reporting, your majesty!"

"At ease, Captain. What do you have to report?"

"Our fears have come to pass...our weather teams couldn't break up the storm or even move it...it collided with Cloudsdale and made it...bigger."

"Send out a disaster alert to every town in its direct path, warn them to take shelter and stay indoors at all times."

"That's just the thing, your majesty..."

"Hmm?"

"The storm is changing paths...it's heading right for..."

"What in tarnation is that?!"

"A storm rather large, perhaps it would be safe to give it a name? Maybe 'Hurricane Marge'?"

"Ain't no time fer yer jokes, Zola. That storms headin' fer..."

"Canterlot."

Legion breathed the great capital's name in a mix of worry and relief. With enough time, he would outrun the disaster and leave Equestria behind, possibly head towards more suitable digging terrains, maybe join up with another pack, if they would allow him to. Hopefully, the thousand souls and pure white form wouldn't deter that, and he could easily reduce his speech mannerisms to that of an imbecile.

As he turned around and prepared for a sprint in the opposite direction of the oncoming storm, a tug of guilt pulled at his stomach. He paused and went back into his head for another conference.

"Why are we doubting our actions to leave Equestria?" Fenrir demanded, his Beta taking up the mantle of a reply.

"There is a debt to be repaid, Fenrir. A blood debt."

"...I do not know what you are talking about." The other voices had grown quiet, the two strong ones of the Alpha and the Beta now loud and dominant within the mind. In a past life, they had been mates, but ever since the banishment, their relationship had grown into a cold husk of what they used to be, now only speaking when an action had to be made by the body.

"You know exactly what I mean." Siria's tone took on a sharper edge at the end of her words.

"..."

"You told the tainted jabberwocky that you wished to be freed of this curse."

"It was a lie for sympathy. It would have kept him around longer."

"You haven't changed a bit, have you? Still the power-hungry, self-satisfying, terrible pack leader you've always been."

"TERRIBLE pack leader?! I lead us all to fame and glory!"

"Glory that got us all killed and shoved into your head."

"I cannot be blamed for that..."

"Yes you can. Celestia trusted you, and in return, you KILL some more of her subjects."

"I said I learned my lesson!"

"You just said you lied about that.

"..."

"Face it, Fenrir. We all have moved on, and you have not. You are holding the pack behind."

"How dare you-"

Siria's voice silenced his own, something that had not happened in a very long time.

"How DARE YOU subject us to this torment for years and still not feel regret?! I say we finish this blood feud and turn our heels towards Canterlot! The Princess will need every aid possible to combat this threat! Maybe then, she will free us of this curse."

"Help her?! This 'threat' is the Chaotic One! There is no stopping him!"

"It has been done before."

"And I highly doubt it will happen again."

"What happened to Fenrir the Fearless?"

"He died when a god decided to cut down his pack, and I'm not going to do it again by facing down another god, this one much more evil."

"You owe it."

The sounds of mumbling could be heard from the other voices. If they wanted to, they could rush in and overcome his command, the body under the control of the multitude instead of the one.

"..."

"Fenrir..." Siria's voice softened ever so slightly.

The body of Legion opened his eyes and gave out a little huff before turning around on his backlegs, unleashing a victorious howl, and running towards the direction of Canterlot.

"...Think this has anythin' ta do with Oddjob?"

Alamo stood up from the bar, trotting over to the window and gazing out to the sky, a roiling sky of black and flashing lightning overcoming the blue that once reigned dominant.

"Possibly, knowing his luck." Zola stood up and trotted over beside the cowpony. "...Buck." She muttered at the sheer size of the weather phenomenon, the storm's mass that of two pegasus cities.

Alamo reach out with his magic and found his jar of whiskey, taking a deep chug of it before tossing it aside. "Well, C'mon." He headed for the exit, Zola following behind with a curious expression.

"What are we doing?"

"Goin' ta Canterlot."

"...Are you fooling?"

"Eenope." Alamo shook his head, the Appleloosa train station straight ahead.

"Everypony present?"

Ten individuals of varying form stood before the draconequus, myself included, each one a mad grin on their face that matched our master's. We stood upon solid black cloud in the center of the biggest storm Equestria had ever seen, but this was no regular storm. It was infused with chaos magic, and when it hit Canterlot, oh they'd be in for a big ol' storm of chaos.

"Good!" Discord chuckled before turning around. All he had to do was reach down into the cloud and pull up a steering wheel like you find in a car, sitting down in a seat that had appeared out of nowhere. He snapped his fingers, and we all found ourselves in car seats as well, seat belts buckling over us for whatever safety reasons the spirit could come up with.

"Now, has everyone used the bathroom?" Discord turned around in his seat with a squinted glance of his red eyes. "Because once we get on the road, I am not turning this storm around or stopping at a gas station!"

We all shook our heads along with his joke.

"Good!" He cackled as he turned a key, a roar of thunder echoing across the storm as he, somehow, began driving the massive hurricane towards Canterlot.

Guards scrambled in every direction to take their orders where needed. Most were stationed out to warn the citizens of Canterlot to take shelter in their homes or in a refuse home, others prepared emeregency supplies, while others were simply panicking at the sight of such a storm.

Princess Celestia calmly walked out onto the terrace of a balcony overlooking the castle, her eyes never leaving the storm ahead.

"Is there something the matter, princess?" One of her servants nearby asked nervously.

"Yes." She said with great steel in her voice.

"I always love to make an entrance." Discord laughed maniacally in a villainous way that would make any evil-doer jealous of its gusto.

The storm collided into Canterlot mountain with no warning. Rain bore down upon the architectural wonders of the buildings, flooding the streets almost immediately. Lightning and thunder bellowed through the air, except wherever the lightning struck, something strange would happen. Stone would transform to cheesecake, a pony would find that they had eight limbs instead of four, and the air oddly hung with the scent of pumpernickel.

"Get ready," Discord motioned to us, snapping his fingers to free us from the restraining seatbelts. We all stood up, ready, on edge, for whatever would happen. Oh, it was gonna be chaotic!

"Now!"

The ground beneath my feet gave way, and I felt a familiar sensation of falling. Around me, the others Discord had brought floated through the air, and I was floating as well, each one of us settling down to the ground below. We were in the courtyard of Canterlot castle.

Discord himself landed in front of us gracefully in a perfect ballerina pose, receiving a chuckle.

"Give it a moment..." He spoke, looking at his wrist, a watch suddenly there. "Three...two...one..."

On the dot at his words, guards bursted from every corner available, weapons drawn and pointed at us. A sound of hooves could be heard, and we all turned to see Princess Celestia herself and Princess Luna striding side-by-side to stand before such a gaggle of freaks and weirdos.

I should be feeling something, shouldn't I? It was a feeling of...happiness? A term came to mind...'fan-boying' over something, but the term was ridiculous. Why would I do that? Besides, Celestia's harsh glare only spoiled the moment.

"Celly!" Discord chuckled, walking over to her without a care in the world. "It's been far too long!"

"Oh, and little Lulu!" His attention turned to the night alicorn who recoiled at his stare. "My, you've grown!"

"Begone from our presence, foul beast." She hissed at him.

"Ah, Luna, why so serious?" He cackled before putting an lion's arm around Celestia's neck, the alicorn not even shivering at his touch, instead, she was stoic. "You two need to turn your frowns upside-down! This is a momentous occasion!"

"Like you escaping from your prison again?" Celestia's words cut colder and sharper than the rain pouring down.

"Your guards really need to learn NOT to argue around me." The spirit of disharmony chuckled before poofing away and reappearing back in his original spot in front of us.

"You have your own little posse, right? Your guards...the bearers of harmony...so, I decided to rouse up my own little rabble!" He swept out his bird's arm towards us, and I had never felt more proud despite the damnable cold aching away inside me. Why wouldn't it go away?!

"Spoiler alert, they're here to help me!" Discord whispered in the direction of the princesses.

"Help you do what? Your reign will not come this time, Discord. Twilight Sparkle will be here soon, as will the others. You will be turned to stone before the afternoon's over." The white alicorn said with a certain hint of smugness in her voice.

"Ah, why do have to go and ruin the fun like that! We could catch up, have a little tea party. Here, I'll start by clearing away some of your staff, they seem awfully overworked." He snapped his fingers, and in an instant, every last guard vanished into thin air. Where they were sent, I did not know.

"You all get the day off!" Discord called out.

Celestia only narrowed her eyes.

"Now we get to have that alone time together!"

"Luna..." Celestia nodded at her sister beside her.

"We am more than ready, sister." Luna bent low into a combative stance, stamping her hoof on the ground. Celestia bent low as well, each of their horns pointed dangerously at Discord. They charged, the sound of their thundering stomps mingling with the natural booms overhead.

Discord only yawned before holding his mismatched arms out, a sort of green energy building up in the palms of his hands.

Right before he was struck by the two, he pushed his hands forward, and a mockery of a rainbow shot out from each, a distorted burst of grey hitting the two alicorns directly in the chest. They stopped dead in their tracks, their bodies turning to stone inch by inch.

When he was done, two statues of the sisters fell to the ground before him. He turned around and bowed, standing back up with a most wicked smirk upon his discordant features." Canterlot is ours, dear children. Chaos rules, order is banished!"

Disharmony Abound

It was glorious, it was beautiful, it was chaotic. Truly, no law of reality could be accounted for anymore. You could walk sideways through the air if you wanted, physical walls could be passed right through with a little light thought, and nothing was the same as it was before. The day constantly changed as the sun and moon did a mad ballet across the sky, shifting the light in a spastic time, one moment it would be day for a few minutes only for it to be replaced by nighttime for hours on end. With Discord back in control, the nature of the universe was incredibly fickle, but it was fun.

From my view over a castle balcony, I could see Canterlot in all of its beauty, well, improved beauty with all of the upgrades our friendly neighborhood chaos god gave it. Ponies were running to and fro frantically, screaming shouts of joy as the world around them fell apart in the most hilarious of ways. The storm from earlier seemed much too dark and gloomy for Discord's taste, so in an instant the dark clouds became fluffy and edibly pink. Everyone was allowed to take a share of the lovely cotton candy storm, if you could get to it, that is. Some ponies had no problem doing that, as some of them found that they suddenly had wings, while others had their hooves replaced with springs that would send them rocketing into the air.

I casually tore off a brick from the nearby wall to find it made of chocolate, gorging myself on it in a flash. How hungry was I? I couldn't particularly remember the last time I ate a proper meal. Heck, I could barely remember what I was doing this morning. I was in a cave...then good ol' Discord came along and took me out. There was another chap there as well, furry, weird voice, but I couldn't place his name either.

I shivered despite the air being fairly warm and the sun overhead for now. What was up with this blasted consistent cold? I should go ask the spirit for him to heat things up a little. We could have a beach party! He could bring in the ocean, or make a new ocean appear, dump some sand everywhere, oh it'd be fun!

Turning around, I left the view the balcony gave just as a building of jello collapsed in on itself, filling an entire district with a splash of gooey red gelatin. Now, I had no idea where to go seeing as I was unfamiliar with Canterlot Castle. Plus, with the changes made, you'd get lost in an instant. Go through one door, arrive back in the room you were leaving. Head down a hallway, only to find yourself down in the catacombs underneath the castle. Having a destination in mind helped, but getting frustrated and having a plan where to go just ruined it. The trick was to just walk and enjoy the scenery. The chaotic magic would then get you through the castle and to your destination, eventually.

I went through several different locations, each one different from the last. One room was a bounce house, and I was not ashamed to say that I spent several minutes of my time leaping around in there, bounding from wall to wall with glee. After that, into the castle gardens where every animal that was kept there had been freed to wander about, their caretaker having his hooves full trying to keep some of the animals with elongated limbs from climbing over the castle walls. As I browsed through there, I came upon the two statues of Celestia and Luna, each one frozen in a perpetual state of anger. They were petrified in their battle positions they had taken when foolishly charging at Discord, grim determination set upon their features. I would applaud their heroics if it hadn't had been so stupid.

"Really should've taken his offer on that tea party, your majesty." I cackled as I tipped Celestia on the nose, my claw ticking against her stone flesh. For the briefest of moments, I paused and blinked several times. Sweet gods above, I could think clearly again. This was wrong. Discord had me fucking greyed out and corrupted, and their was nothing that I could do. Even with my short moment of clarity, I could feel his taint working its way through me again. I tried to lay my hand on both princesses, their good auric magic must be able to counteract the spirit's, but I couldn't as I went under once more.

...What was I thinking about again? I recoiled in disgust at the sight of such goody-twohooves and moved away from the two statues of the former princesses. I had to meet with the rightful ruler of Equestria.

Finally I had made my way to the throne room, doing a mock bow and a flourished wave of my hand with greeting the king of chaos himself. The draconequus was seated upon the throne of what once was Celestia's, chuckling at me as I entered. "Dismay! How have you settled in?" He snapped his fingers, a lounge chair appearing beneath me, forcing me into a sitting position in it. I didn't mind, it was rather quite comfortable.

"Pretty well. I got lost on several occasions in this topsy-turvy funhouse of a castle, had some guards who still think they have a chance of winning chase me, and I ate a chocolate wall for dinner. It was fantastic!" I laughed, to which his laughter melded in with mine, and we had a good chucklefest going on.

"So, what can I do for you?" Discord questioned after our giggles died down.

"Well, you see, I'm pretty cold." I began, rubbing my hands along my feathered body to start some friction and get some heat going, but I still wouldn't warm up. "Could you possibly turn up the heat a smidge?"

"Could," The disharmonic being had a thermometer appear in his lion's paw hand, the red inside it steadily rising, indicating that he was increasing the heat. Even when it peaked at the top and boiled, I was still cold.

"Listen here, Dismay." He said even when the thermometer's top exploded from the heat around us, the both of us entirely unaffected. "Not much I can do there. Y'know that cold feeling?"

I nodded.

"The taint. Can't really get rid of it." He shrugged and reclined in his throne.

"W...what?"

"Only real way to keep yourself warm is to cause a little chaos, it keeps the cold at bay."

Before I could say anything, something nagging in the back of my head with a very annoying little voice, Discord shushed me, perking his head up, his ears turning. He sat up in his chair and stretched his palms out, a screen appearing before him like a television. He gazed at it with a bored expression before something popped up on the screen, to which he chuckled with a grin. "Oh look, we have visitors!"

A train rolled into the city and barfed out(It literally threw up the passengers, the front of the train having a mouth now), two ponies, one with a nice cowboy hat, and one that was striped...ponies were striped, right?

The screen flickered, and a white figure, doglike, was seen climbing up the side of the mountain Canterlot rested upon.

"Hey, Dismay." Discord caught my attention with a snap. "Why don't you gather up a few of our friends and greet the newcomers?" His grin widened into something wicked. "Make them feel welcome."

My Comrades, My Kin

"Damnable tarnation."

"Oh come now, Alamo. At least the train didn't go slow."

"Nearly killed us..."

"You have a nice visit to Canterlot!" The train itself chuckled after spitting the two out, chugging on down the tracks with its laughter bellowing through the air.

Zola chuckled as the old pony righted himself back to his hooves, adjusting his hat that had gone askew and his poncho that that somehow twisted itself around his front legs. Once everything had been fixed to its proper place of adornment, he let out a little grunt as he gazed upon the new and improved Canterlot, giving a low whistle of appreciation. In a strange sense, it was perfectly chaotic. Most of the streets were empty, seeing as how everypony had fled to seek peace away from the transformed capital, only to find that the rest of Equestria was suffering under Discord's manipulation as well. The only few ponies who remained were the ones who had either gone mad from his influence or were nobles helplessly clinging to their possessions that now decided that they could get up and walk around by themselves now.

"Have'ta hand it to that Discord feller...really spruced up the place."

The zebra raised a questioning eyebrow as she trotted over to stand beside him. Alamo merely shrugged in reply. "What? The old Canterlot before was as boring as watchin' dirt age."

She chuckled heartily at his words. "So, what exactly is your plan?" Zola asked.

Another shrug from Alamo. "Find Oddjob, fix this mess, save the day, yadda-yadda-yadda."

"...You're dealing with Discord, who toppled an entire country in an afternoon with physical gods as their rulers. Not very bright, are you, man?"

"Just gonna wing it."

"..."

"What? It's worked before."

The only sound that could be heard was the fierce whistling of the wind and the faint sounds of catastrophe overhead from Canterlot. Legion scrambled up the steep rock face of the mountain the famed city rested upon, the highest point in all of Equestria, giving the pure-white diamond dog a gorgeous view over the rest of the land, but the conjoined body of an entire clan did not heed to look out, only to continue climbing upwards.

"I still don't understand why we had to climb the ENTIRE MOUNTAIN to get up to Canterlot." Fenrir complained from within the mind, to which several dozen other souls rolled their metaphorical eyes.

"The mountain itself seems to be unaffected by the Chaotic One's magic, thus, it is the safest." Siria replied from within the depths of the dog's head.

"Won't be like that for long..." The pack leader griped as the rock in the body's claw suddenly became goopy and yellow. In a flash, Legion found itself caught in an avalanche of banana pudding.

On the way down, to whoever would listen close enough, they would catch a long string of ancient curses only found on the oldest of tongues.

"C'mon, we've got newcomers! Let's introduce them to the former capital of their peaceful little home!" I bounded up and down the walls with as much energy as I could exert, sending many a precious decorations on the castle walls to scatter across the hallway floors. It worked a tad, a small fire inside me lit up, but it wasn't enough. I needed more to keep myself from freezing to death.

Around me were two others of the creatures Discord had invited to Equestria, Bereft and Grief. The griffin was an okay guy, but too twitchy for my taste. He had a deep, rumbling voice befitting of a very large person, which in fact he was. I had actually managed to get a chat or two out of both of them while convincing them to come with me. The others were either out of sight or wouldn't bother with me.

Bereft was a bruiser of a guy back on earth, and earned his living dishing out plenty of knuckle sandwiches as a thug for hire. You needed some conspicuous crates with some blood spatters on them carried out of a warehouse in the dead of night in the shadiest part of town? He was your man. At least until one deal went wrong and he found himself in a fight where a fist couldn't compete with the end of a handgun. He hadn't even heard of My Little Pony, but that was for the best. Who even wanted to watch a show about pamby little pastel-colored ponies anyway?

Grief, unsurprisingly, was extremely quiet, and I could only get a few sentences out of her. She was a librarian who had stumbled upon the show. Never really got anything out beyond that.

Strange enough, I couldn't remember everything before Discord had found me in that cave. Did I even do anything before that? As a matter of fact, what did I even do before coming to Equestria in the first place? Everything was foggy and grey, just as my entire body was now.

"Settle down, Dismay. "Bereft grumbled out in a deep bass. "You'll get your chance at chaos soon enough, just stop ruinin' the tapestry...it's pretty nice." He said this as someone who had a keen eye for something worth stealing. Too bad money meant nothing in Discord's world now. Jokes and chicken eggs were for barter now!

"Just can't help it!" I laughed as I freed my grip from a tapestry hanging on the wall, depicting such a proud image of Celestia standing over an army of defeated changelings. "Gotta keep moving...keep causing chaos...gotta keep warm."

Grief's eyes lit up for the briefest of moments as she gazed up at me sadly. The three of us made our way down the hallway, only wanting to get out of the castle and into the main part of the city. How we got there, only the castle itself would allow. Maybe it'd be nice and only take us through a room or two instead of a dozen?

"You...you are cold as well?" The small draconequus pipped up, her voice timid and quite meek.

"Yup." I nodded as we entered the dining room. I knocked over some candles resting on the table. Still cold.

"I...I miss the warmth."

"Me too. But, you live with what you got, right?"

"No...there was a better way before this. Something that kept us warm without having to cause..."

We opened the door, and there we were at the castle's entrance.

"Chaos?" I cackled with a wide grin. Oh, we were going to have some fun.

"Where do you think we can find him?" Zola's voice cut above the noise as they trotted side by side through the ever changing streets, most of the buildings around them floating in mid-air and the cobbled pathways made of various foodstuffs. The sun and moon overhead seemed to had come to an understanding, and they reluctantly hung side by side in the sky, casting the oddest light below, half of the world day, and the other half night.

"Somewhere stupid." Came his quick reply, only to glance out briefly at the area around them. "Which is...purty much everywhere now."

"Why not ask them?" The zebra suggested as she pointed a foreleg at three figures in the distance that slowly ambled towards them. As they came into view, both the cowpony and zebra exchanged a curious glance between one another. A griffin, another creature of combined parts, and...

"Oddjob!"

The two nearly broke into a dash at the sight of their missing companion. When they came upon him and his two equal oddities of friends, he was barraged with a combination of insults and greetings from the two.

"...Do I know you two?"

"Whaddaya mean, 'Do Ah know you two?' It's us, Oddjob! ...And why are you all grey?" Alamo said with as much tolerance for the jabberwocky as he could. He had built up quite a bit of it ever since meeting the dope.

"First off," He held up three fingers on his bird hand. "It's not 'grey', it's 'stormy fog', get the color name right. Second, my name is Dismay, not Oddjob. And thirdly," He took in a big gulp of air.

"Welcome welcome welcome,

A fine welcome to you!

Welcome welcome welcome,

I say how do you do?

Welcome welcome welcome,

I say hip hip hurray!

Welcome welcome welcome

To Chaoslot today!"

"..." A palpable silence followed after he finished the last of the lyrics, to which every eye laid on him.

"Chaoslot?" The griffin rumbled. The jabberwock nodded eagerly. "Came up with it on the spot. Figure that's what Discord's going to call it from now on."

"Clever." The griffin nodded.

"Witty." The other creature, presumably a jabberwocky as well, agreed.

"I actually like the title, catchy." Zola added.

"Would every last one of you shuttit?!" Alamo nearly shouted.

"Somebody's grumpy." Dismay noted as he crossed his arms.

"Grumpy lookin' fer you and all the trouble ya caused! Oddjob, do ya know how worried sick we were of ya?"

"Dismay, that's my name, feel free to wear it out, seeing as how you're not getting it right..."

"What's wrong with you?!"

The silent padding of paws on the ground went only noticed by one in the group. Zola's ears perked up ever so slightly at it. It was the sound of a predator, something she had grown to avoid, a sound that haunted her childhood back in Zebrafrica. She would hear the mighty lion rustle through the tall grass, nary a sound made, and suddenly dashing off. Her entire body tensed by reaction alone, ready to run, but she couldn't.

"What's wrong with me? Buddy, I can tell that there's plenty wrong with you, especially concerning your fashion sense."

"Celestia buckin' dammit, Oddjob-...wait, what's wrong with my fash-un sense?"

The padding was getting closer.

"Well, let's see. First of all: that fucking poncho."

"My mother knitted me this when Ah was but a colt, barely able to lift may first bullet! She put all 'o her sweat and tears into this here poncho!"

"...Was your mother colorblind?"

Closer and closer. Zola was visibly sweating now, and...she swore she could smell banana pudding in the air.

"Ah'm gonna put a bullet right 'tween yer eyes..."

"Pardon us."

Every head turned to just down the road, a tall and lean diamond dog standing there. It's coat was a brilliant white save for globs of yellow that clung to it here and there. It slowly walked towards them on its hindlegs, casually observing the lot before it.

"Oddjob," The dog nodded at the patchwork creature, to which he snorted in annoyance. "Everybody's getting my name wrong? Why?!"

"Because that is your name, the one you go by now is a a simple falsehood granted by the Taint."

"Would somepony please explain what's going on." Alamo had his revolver hovering in the air, something he was about to threaten Oddjob with, but had decided to scratch the side of his head with in confusion.

The diamond dog approached closer, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "The Taint absolutely reeks from these two," He motioned at the griffin and female jabberwocky. He shook his head and spoke with a tone of pity in the many voices that vocalized from the throat. "How long have you suffered under the Chaotic One's madness?"

"Suffered? I think you mean..."Oddjob/Dismay paused. "...What's a positive word that always starts with 's' and also ends in 'ed'?"

The dog shook its head once more before pointing a claw at Alamo and Zola. "You two," To which they gazed at him cautiously. "Obviously you are not affected by the Chaotic One's influence just yet. We am Legion, an ally. Aid us in freeing this one's mind, the Taint is severely weaker in him than it is in the others."

"Just wait one moment." The griffin reared up to his full height, making him almost as tall as Oddjob, to which is towering above the present ponies and single diamond dog. "Dismay's one of us, and he's just fine. 'Freeing' his mind sounds like a load of crap. If you want him, you'll have to go through Bereft right here." He pounded a meaty, clenched fist against his feathery chest.

Legion rolled his shoulder blades and twisted his neck, sending an audible crack and pop of bone through the air. "Very well."

He was upon Bereft faster than the eye could even blink. Zola was astonished at how professional and even businesslike the attack had been. A fluid blur through the air, and the dog had the griffin struggling on the ground, leaving the rest flabbergasted at the sight. The female jabberwock shrieked and backpedaled from the skirmish, Oddjob/Dismay simply stood there with a blank expression upon his face, and Alamo looked pretty much amped up, rearing to get into the fight as well. Anything to end this insanity and get back to his booze sounded right as rain to him.

Bereft may have had strength and size on his side, but Legion had intellect and skill to match. Whenever Bereft tried to roll over or force the dog off, Legion would pull a maneuver that kept him on top and in the winning position. He would smartly strike out with the cup of his paw, smashing directly into Bereft's face, cracking his beak and creating a swelling bruise just underneath his right eye.

"Gerroff!" The giant roared, but to no avail. Legion, moving like liquid, rolled Bereft over, the dog now behind him and his arms locked neatly around the lionized bird's throat. Bereft struggled briefly for a moment, gacking and flailing to get air into his lungs, but slowly, his movement died to nothing. Legion released him once he was unconscious, tossing his large body aside without a care in the world. He wiped his hands neatly and stared out with those blank eyes of his directly at the female jabberwocky. "Will we be having any troubles from you?"

She meekly shook her head.

"Good." Legion coughed before approaching Oddjob.

"Why did you go and do that?!" He nearly roared out, his blank face becoming that of anger.

"It's for the better. Plus, the damage is quite minimal. The griffin will recover."

"I otta do the same to you!"

"You won't."

Legion snapped his right arm back and hammered it forward directly into the small of Oddjob's throat, making him choke on his words. He then pulled back once more and chopped directly into his face, most notably his temple. The mix-matched monster toppled to the ground in a heap.

Zola and Alamo were beside Legion just as quick, panic on their faces.

"Why would you do that?!" Alamo reiterated what had been said nary seconds earlier.

" Abrupt cerebral restart."

"Say whuh?"

"...Fixes the mind. A sudden jolt to the system will get him out of his memory bind." Zola answered, to which Legion nodded, obviously impressed.

"Am Ah the only one who speaks Celestia's language 'round here?"

"Sssh." The white diamond dog quieted him. "He is coming to."

Oddjob stirred breifly as he groggily lifted up his head in a slothlike manner, blinking rapidly as he stared up at the three before him. "Discord's gonna get you all...three months in the fungeon for all of you!"

Whack!

His head was smashed directly into the ground, which so happened decided to be concrete right there. Two of the three present winced at the sight of the open wound of fresh green blood spilling out to sizzle.

"He has a healing factor, he will be fine." Legion stated bluntly.

Pain.

That was the first thing I felt after the fog lifted. It was bad at first, and I wished it away, but I could see that the pain was actually a good thing. It frightened the fog away, forced the cold in the darkness of the pit that it came from, and in its place, came the warmth. Oh, the glorious warmth. It rushed back into my body faster than a locomotive off its tracks, restoring life back into my limbs.

I jolted awake with a sudden gasp of air, one you would take after being underwater for a long time. I blinked several times, my fuzzy vision clearing up after each successful turn of vertical eyelid from one side of my eyeball to another. I could make out certain shapes of something with long hair, something with a hat, and something tall and lanky.

"Oddjob? That finally you?"

I hadn't heard that name in a while. Oddjob. Just the word shocked parts of my head into awakening, and memories came flooding back.

"Oddjob, don't head for the light...it's much too bright!"

"We did not injure him enough to kill him, he will be fine. Another strike may be needed, but he will be fine."

With a grunt of pain, I heaved myself back up to my feet as steadily as I could, wobbling a bit before catching my balance on the flat of my hoof and paw.

"Oddjob?" Came the chorus of three voices, well, two voices and a thousand others, at once.

"Yeah?" I answered as I stood back up to my full height and conscious clearing. I was in a strange place to be sure. The sky above was divided in an even line of night and day, buildings floated about or walked around with legs of their own, and apparently the sidewalk was now bubblegum.

But the best part was seeing three recognizable figures in front of me.

"Alamo! Zola! Legion!" I cried as my voice pitched and my eyes lit up, rushing forward to gather them up in the biggest bear hug I could muster. Not even legion with his speed could escape the death grip I had as I smited them with affection.

"It's good to have ya...back..."Alamo gasped out painfully.

"Where'd I go?" I asked, not even letting up on the hug.

"A dark place, to be sure." Legion said, some of the voices were wheezing.

"Please put us down...I can't breathe...oh I may frown..."Zola choked.

After a few more seconds of gripping them, I reluctantly settled them back on the seemingly solid ground. I grinned widely at all of them before I felt a familiar sensation of something warm running down the side of my face.

"...Why am I bleeding?"

A Battle in Canterlot Castle, Part Two

We hurried to the gates of the castle and let ourselves in, no guards present to actually halt us. Most had either fled with the rest of the inhabitants of Canterlot, had been snapped away to another place by Discord, or were trapped within the madhouse that the home of the royal alicorns had been transformed into. I did not know if they would help us or hurt us, but I did not wish to find out, especially considering that some might have seen me arriving with the disharmonic spirit.

Stepping into the front courtyard, I observed that an eerie calm had settled upon the castle. Where was the sound of reality being distorted? Or the shouts and screams? Not even a hush of the grass rustling as a soft wind blew by. Either Discord had given up, or we were in for something quite...unappealing to our current interests.

"...Too quiet. Ah don't like it." Alamo nervously twitched his gun through the air with his telekinesis, threatening to shoot anything that moved.

"Neither do I..." I said, taking a small step forward to observe further. I tenderly placed my kangaroo paw down onto the paved path that lead into the castle, nothing happened. At least we didn't have to worry about traps. But what of getting inside? We couldn't barge right into the throne room and have everything end right there. Or...could we? The thought of stalling came once again, and it seemed like the best bet to go by.

"C'mon." I waved at the others behind me, and they nodded slowly in compliance.

Approaching the doors of the castle was about the most tense thing I had ever done, other than the time my twelve year old self had to overcome anxiety issues and give an oral report on the mating of humpback whales, but that's a different, and rather boring, humiliating story that ended with me on the floor with the a concussion.

With a grunt and a heave of my body, I pushed open the doors into the royal throne room, the doors opening with an ominous and echoing bang. We stepped inside...

...Only to find that we didn't enter the throne room at all. Instead, the chaos magic surrounding the castle had opted to pop us into the kitchen instead. A familiarly mad cackle could be heard throughout the halls.

"...Dammit." The auburn pony muttered, shuffling nervously. I had never seen the crone so wound up before. Couldn't blame him, this whole ordeal was incredibly nerve-wracking. A chaos god unleashed? Can't trust the ground beneath you? The fate of an entire country, possibly the entire world, resting on your actions? Yeah...I was beginning to feel the stress a bit as well.

We made our way through the kitchen, obviously not stopping to grab a bite to eat. Why would you? A wall that was once once finely-sculpted marble was now mashed potatoes.

Moving down the empty halls of the castle, the eery quality of the atmosphere only furthered with ever step. The sounds of chaos was slowly revving back up, and it did not sound happy. There was some screeching, some wailing, some moaning. It was as if Discord was purposefully trying to unnerve us. Alamo jerked his revolver this way and that, Zola nervously fidgeted with the stick she carried in her mouth, and even Legion scratched his claws against one another, prepared to rip any foe we might face asunder.

And me? Well, I fared no better. I had been made leader of this dashed-together little escapade, and I had never really been the one to be a great leader. Ever tried leading a group of scrawny, snot-nosed kids to victory in a game of dodgeball against testerone-pumped jocks? Didn't turn out so well. Hopefully I would do much better here and not end up with the imprint of the dodgeball logo on my forehead.

"Wait...do you hear that?"

I held out an arm, signaling the others to stop. They were all caught up in their own thoughts, unheeded my gesture of leadership, and barreled right into me, one after another until we were a tangled pile of limbs and awkward placement.

"I thought you guys would stop." I deadpanned as I removed Zola's back hoof from my face.

"You didn't say stop." Alamo mumbled, Legion's tail stuffed in his mouth.

"I held out my arm."

"That means nothin'."

With a sigh, I heaved up every last one of them and dumped them all onto their separate standing, each one dusting themselves off. I peaked my head once more, a low, grinding sound slowly becoming steadier and and louder as the moments ticked by, until at last, the sound seemed to be coming from directly underneath our feet.

"That cannot be good." Zola remarked right before the entire castle was turned on its head. It was as if the hallway itself was alive, twisting and turn as stone and concrete were silly putty. I yelped as a new wall popped right up in front of me from the ground up, separating me from the others. From the shouts, I could tell the others had been pushed into newly created rooms as well.

"Pulling out old tricks?" I shouted, directly speaking to Discord. I knew he could hear me. "You tried this back in the beginning of season two!"

"What's season two?" Alamo's faint voice replied, but his words died down to where I couldn't even hear anymore. I was on my own, at least for now.

"Consarnit!" The cowpony shouted as he now found himself relocated to the famed Canterlot library, lost amongst the countless shelves containing all the gathered knowledge Equestria had to offer. He bolted right for the exit, or at least where he assumed the exit would be. He would turn a corner, expecting a door, only to see another empty wall or a bookshelf mocking him with books that he had no interest in reading.

"Must be a way outta here...just gotta be..."

His ears twitched underneath his hat at the sound of the light tapping of hoof movement. Ever so slowly, he cocked his gun held a magical grip on the trigger, ready to reflexively shoot whatever may be stalking him.

"C'mon out, Ah'm only half blind, not deaf. Ah know yer out there." He proclaimed, turning another corner in the seemingly endless library, only to bump face to face with another pony. He yelped and misfired, the bullet missing entirely and shooting into the ceiling. A bright green body chuckled at his reaction, leaning against the bookshelf on one elbow.

"Ooh, did you see that sister? Old coot nearly jumped out of his skin!"

Alamo grimaced as he glared at the pony before him. Young, no cutie mark, but old enough to have one. Intense, violet eyes greeted him along with the wide grin alongside the pony's face.

"And who're you?"

"Name's Riot, this is my sister, Ruin." He motioned his head to his left, and from behind the bookshelf, Alamo nearly reeled at the sight of another head attached to the body, this one more effeminate.

"Hello!" She cackled, giving a little wave.

"...Ah'll just be goin' now...sorry fer shootin' at ya."

"Ohh...you're not gonna stick around?" The double-headed pony disappeared behind the bookshelf, only to reappear around a shelf right behind Alamo.

"We have so much fun planned for you..." Riot laughed as they disappeared once more.

"We have lots of games and tricks..." Their voices came from a distance now, as if they were shouting from the other side of the library. Alamo shook his head and readied his gun.

"...Ones that will make you see double."

"..."

Legion found his many-minded body in a familiar setting, one he was accustomed to on a regular basis before and after his punishment. He was in the old Canterlot catacombs. The dirt beneath his paws, the scent of cold and ancient air filling his senses. Nobody, pony, diamond dog, or anything else, had been down here for a long, long time.

The pack had decided to simply follow their instincts towards the exit. A diamond dog had a sort of internal compass that pointed them to the surface whenever they were underground, it had evolved from years of dogs being trapped in cave-ins and diggings to help them escape their dark and dirty second world.

There were crystals down here, very rare ones, but hardly worth any taste or value to the dog at the moment. Only escaping and finding the rest of 'Pack Oddjob' was what mattered. As his paws delicately strode through the caverns, his supremely keen senses told him to duck, and he did just as something sharp whizzed right overhead to pierce the cave wall behind him, narrowly missing his head by centimeters. If not for his reaction time, Legion would be missing more than his normality.

"You're quick, I like that." A slithering, hissing voice calmly called from the darkness.

"And you're aim is slightly off. If you had thrown a bit to the right, you would have pierced one of our ears instead of missing entirely."

"...Cocky too. Don't like that as much."

"May we pass by this simple prattling? We sense you are here to stop us from proceeding to our goal."

Out of the shadows, a body entirely made of the shades stepped forth, cut from the cloth of the night itself save for the bone-white skull painted upon his face. Decay grinned, brandishing a thin blade sharpened from the cut crystals around him.

"I'm fine with that." He chuckled, stepping towards Legion, every last inch of his body creeping with tendrils of smoke.

"As are we." Legion popped out his claws and bared his fangs.

The zebra known as Zola, seconds before had been in a hallways with her allies, was now in the royal gardens, surrounded by the peaceful serenity of flora and statues.

"Very lovely, very nice, too bad there may be a price..." She tilted her head as one of the statues nearby danced away at her presence. She sighed and simply carried on, walking through the lush botanical beauty that had been established as one of the castle's premiere locations, normally open to the public, but unfortunately closed due to a chaos storm.

Birds circled overhead, wary of landing and what may happen if they do. Would that tree branch give out on them or become a string of taffy? If they returned to their nest, would their hatchlings be all grown up or back in the form of eggs? Zola mused this as one of the avians overhead descended. She raised an eye, this one was much larger than any of the others. Perhaps it was an eagle? They were known to be one of the many animals kept in the gardens.

She found at as the harpy zoomed down and snatched her up in her razor-sharp claws.

I was in a hallway, that was for certain. Which hallway, I didn't know. Was it the one I was previously in, or another? Dammit Celestia, every hallway looked the same! Maybe it would be for the best that Discord rearranged this place.

Making my way down the hallway, I really couldn't admire the equestrian architecture like I should have. I was in Canterlot castle, home of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, two characters that I have always wanted wanted to meet, and now under the circumstances, I couldn't. Even the inner fanboy within me had died down because of all this.

With no sense of direction and no idea of where to go, I began opening doors randomly. Some rooms had absolutely nothing in them, literally. Just an empty void of white space that lead nowhere. Others were slightly normal, everything within the room off-kilter an inch or so to the left, that would really annoy whoever would step inside.

I had arrived at the end of the hall after going through several doors, and as my bird hand settled upon the doorknob, I hesitated, feeling a small shiver run down my spine. Whether it was a good sign or bad, I had no choice. Turned the knob, opened the door, and stepped in.

Strangely enough, this room was quite mundane compared to the others. It seemed to be a quarter for a single pony, as their was only one bed, a desk, and a small bookshelf neatly tucked away in the corner. I ambled over to the desk and examined the contents. A letter opener, a phial of ink, some scrolls, and a leatherbound journal. With a shrug, I picked it up and thumbed through the first few pages.

I could not read any further, for before my eyes could gaze upon the first sentence, a searing pain had arced across my back. I doubled over right onto the floor, something sharp and solid aimed directly at my throat. I looked up, my dichromatic eyes peering over a golden blade hovering in the air, the cold stare of an equally golden-armored pony gazing back at me.

"Sir Vorpal." I said, eying the blade that threatened to puncture my throat.

"Jabberwocky." He said through gritted teeth.

A Battle in Canterlot Castle, Part Three

Bang.

Went right over the head. Needed to adjust the aim lower.

Bang.

Why was it so hard to hit something that literally had double the chance to actually be hit?

Bang.

Something was wrong, something magical was playing with him. Alamo Wall grumbled to himself as he reloaded his revolver with the six bullets it needed into the hungry chamber of the gun, closing with a click of his telekinesis. Thus far, he had fired twenty-four rounds and reloaded four times, every bullet missing their target by just a fraction of an inch, Riot or Ruin laughing mockingly as the piece of lead that threatened to end them only whizzed by by a hair's breadth. Now, he knew he was one of the best sharpshooters Equestria had to offer. Even with only one good eye, he could hit the bullseye on any target from any distance. He aimed even better when drunk too, which he was about half the time. So why was shooting these two so challenging?!

They could pop up anywhere in the library at any moment's whim, and all Alamo could do was react. It started out simple enough, they'd throw a book or two at him and he'd shoot at open air, where they had been seconds before. But as their 'game' dragged on, it became more and more dangerous. The rugged appleloosian found himself hauling flank as the giant bookshelves overhead would come tumbling down towards him, threatening to crush him with its great weight.

"Stop movin' 'round so much!" He shouted angrily, perking his ears for any sound.

"Stop being such a bad shot." Ruin giggled from somewhere behind him. Alamo whirled around on his haunches, revolver up and steadied to fire. Nothing was there.

"Ah'm gettin' awfully tired of this game..." He grumbled, mostly to himself.

"Y'know what, old man? So are we." Riot's echoing voice rang through the dusty halls of the library.

"So why don't we make it more interesting?"

"...?"

The increasing sound of rapid hooves moving could be heard until it sounded like a full-blown stampede. Alamo warily looked about, seeing movement beyond the bookshelves of many forms. He double-checked his six-shooter to make sure it was loaded and looked under his poncho to make sure his trusty bullet belt and dynamite stick were there, he had a feeling he would be needing them.

A body sprung from high above, and he shot it down without even look, moving the gun with his levitation, the sound of glass shattering in the air. He arced his head just as the dead body hit the floor, only to see it dissolve into a million shards of glass that gently floated down. Curious, he approached the spot where a dead body should have been, touching one of the glass pieces that sat harmlessly on the ground.

"Cool trick, huh?"

He looked forward, The conjoined body of Riot and Ruin leaning against a shelf with a smug grin upon both faces.

"What're you up to?"

"Ever been in a funhouse before, cowpony?"

"No."

"Consider this a first time experience then."

Their body contorted and seizured for a split second before an exact copy was produced right out of the original, a clone standing beside Riot's side. That clone made a clone, and that one did as well, before Alamo was well staring at about a dozen or so of the twins staring at him with a manic grin and hungry, violent eyes.

"...Buck."

"You are very adept with a blade...Decay, wasn't it?"

All Legion had to do was flick his hands up, his hardened claws catching the crystallized sword and rebounding it away from him. Decay swiftly pulled the sword back and stabbed forward, the diamond dog sidestepping the assault easily. For the most part, their battle thus far had only been a ballet around one another, each one avoiding the others attack perfectly, as if in exact synchronization.

"Yep. You're pretty good with those claws."

Legion went out for an overhead strike, rearing his long arms up, claws extended to their full and sharpened peak, then bringing it with a powerful swing downwards, his claws meeting the sword with a small clang that reverberated through the catacombs deep underneath the castle in which they clashed.

"Nature's weapon."

A series of swipes with the sword was narrowly parried and avoided, Decay grunting with each swing of his weapon.The shadowy draconian being was well versed in the ways of the sharpened steel. He carried himself in a stance and poise that belayed professionalism and experience in swordcraft.

"Too bad you haven't landed a single hit on me."

Legion corrected this statement by forcing the crystal sword aside with a mighty push, the strength coming from his upper torso. Decay stumbled momentarily, granting enough time for Legion to deliver several impressive strikes to Decay's face and long scratches with his claws. He bled that mysterious purple blood just as Strife had.

"Neither have you."

Decay took a full step back to regather himself, wiping the blood away with his hand, gritting his fangs and twirling his sword casually.

"...Nice hit."

"It won't be the last one, We assure you."

"I doubt that..." Decay chuckled, dropping the blade to the ground and holding up his hands as if in defeat. Legion looked on curiously, the sharpened eyes catching every detail. Decay's body, bit by bit, melded into the darkness around them until only his skull-white face showed, and even then, that disappeared as well.

"...Reveal yourself at once, follower of the Chaotic One."

From behind him, there was a slight shuffling sound, and Legion now found that he had a long gash running down his back, spoiling the white fur with harsh red.

"...Naw. This is much more easier for me."

"You wish to win through subterfuge and trickery."

"That's a pretty big word for a dog."

"Insults will not win you this battle."

"But they help." Decay cackled as he appeared from nowhere to deliver a sharp punch to Legion's jaw, his fist all too physical despite his ethereal appearance, only to vanish back into the darkness without a trace.

Zola had roughly three things running through her mind at the moment. One was to keep hold to her stick with all of her might. That was her stick, and it would definitely be needed for what laid ahead. Two, a harpy had grabbed her. She knew it was a harpy by the shape of the body and the recognizable screech. Zebrafrica had no such creatures, but one does encounter rather strange things when moving to Equestria. And three, she was really high up and she felt like heaving chunks right about now.

The sharp pains in her back was where the harpy's talons dug into her black and white body, and by the depth in which the talons were cutting into, she knew this winged fiend had no intention of letting her go just yet.

She turned her head around as much as she could to catch even a glimpse of what ascended higher and higher with her in tow. A rather elegant, slender form covered in feathers that gradated from red to purple. Definitely a harpy.

"So, why are you taking me so high into the sky?"

The harpy looked down at the rhymed words spoken to her, smirking at the zebra in her clutches. "To drop you, of course. Discord doesn't like party-crashers, so you'll end up crashing to the ground!"

"That sounds most unpleasant. Perhaps I can convince you to do otherwise?"

"Tcht, yeah right."

"Unfortunate, now you'll have to try a fight on for size."

Zola wrenched herself free from the harpy's talon with a squelch of blood, but she ignored the pain. Right before gravity took control of her, she whipped up her forelegs and grabbed onto the harpy's lower body, the winged female screeching like mad at the sudden weight placed on an area she was not prepared for.

The dreadlocked zebra pulled herself up and smacked down heavily with her long, whippet-thin branch, the wooden stick making a sharp crack against the harpy's skull. Her eyes went cross for a brief moment before her entire body went limp, sending the two plummeting to the ground.

The bullets relentlessly tore through the advancing army of the two-headed tainted, but yet they persisted towards Alamo with their numbers. And, it seemed, he was finally running out of ammo.

After reloading the last clip he had remaining into the chamber of his revolver, he cursed under his breath, taking aim with his one good eye and firing. The process was incredibly simple, and an art he had perfected over years. Bring the gun up and aim it down the barrel towards what you want dead, take in a breath, pull the trigger with a mental flick, and watch the bullet fly. The cowpony repeated this six times, felling the same number of foes, leaving dozens more to be dealt with.

"What's the matter, old-timer?" One clone mocked with a snigger, guaranteed their victory. It was one old pony against a score of foes that could just make more if they should be dispatched.

Alamo's panicked eye switched between the approaching Riots and Ruins, his brain making one obvious decision: to run.

He bolted through the aisles of books, the sound of mad laughter and following hoofsteps not far behind. He could try his dynamite, but he figured that one stick of the red stuff couldn't take out all of them, not unless they were extremely bunched together. He would need to think of something, and fast. He dashed until he found himself in the center of the Canterlot castle library, signified by the circularity of the area and the small checkout desk with the little 'librarian' tag on it. The auburn appleloosian looked around briefly, his old mind working frantically towards a solution. He cracked a small grin once the light bulb in his head went off.

The small army of Riot & Ruin would run into one another into the center of the library circle, confused to where Alamo had suddenly gone. The small red stick of lit dynamite would go unnoticed as it rolled underneath their hooves. The only signal to this warning would be Alamo peeking over from behind the librarian's desk to the sound of panicked shouts that died alongside the large explosion that shook the entire castle.

Once the smoke had cleared, his looked over to find nothing but ash and raining glass.

The cowpony let out a sigh of relief as he climbed over the desk and towards the exit, looking back at the library behind him, soot covering the floor, bullet holes torn through the walls, and tall bookshelves toppled over, scattering their precious tomes everywhere.

"...Ah really hope Ah won't have to pay for all this."

The wounds did not bother Legion, they had learned to ignore pain a long time ago. It was the persistence at which Decay moved about in the shadows that annoyed the diamond dog. With a sigh, Legion padded over to the crystal sword that had been left abandoned on the cave floor just as Decay came about and smacked the many-minded mutt directly in the snout. He stumbled back momentarily, grasping the sword in one paw carefully.

"What, you think that's gonna help you?" Decay's mocking words danced through the caverns.

"Possibly."

All Legion had to do was close his eyes and perk his ears up. He could hear the sound of water dripping far away, the mechanic of rock slowly moving. His nose caught a waft of several different scents at once. The cold, musty air of the cave, his own blood, Decay's scent of, well, decay. It was strong, permeable, and gave him an exact location in the darkness. All he had to do was wait for his foe to strike next.

"It's not going to."

"Do not be so sure, our friend."

A small scuffle. Legion turned slightly.

"...You sound very sure of yourself."

"We are."

Decay growled, tensing his body to spring. Legion could almost hear the strain of muscle ready to leap.

At the exact moment in which Decay sprang from the shadows at him, Legion whirred in his direction, arm outstretched with sword in paw, and the shadowy draconian fell right to his own death. The crystal sword pierced him directly through the chest cavity, the momentum from his jump plunging it right through the dark flesh for the tip to come pointing out of the back.

Legion discarded both blade and body as if it were trash, tossing them aside and casually striding towards what his instincts presumed was the exit.

"...You dropped your weapon too early."

A Knight's Duty

Look into their eyes, and you will see nothing, nothing but pitch-black darkness that belayed the eyes of a monster. They have no souls, no feelings, no regret or remorse, so neither should you. They are not like us, they will never be like us. All they can do is slaughter and destroy, so it is my duty to do the same to them. They are nothing but monsters that equate to the doom of our world, and I will drive them back, one by one, until only the light remains.

The only problem is, this one is different.

This one's eyes has intelligence.

This one seemed to have the light.

This one has a soul.

But it can't. If it looks like a monster, talks like one, then it must be one. Look into it's eyes and ignore that flicker of emotion, ignore that spark of life that all sentient beings seem to share. Look into it's eyes and show no love or pity, for it will show you known. Raise your sword and strike it down while you still can.

But for some reason, I can't bring myself to do it...yet.

It felt like an eternity, but in actuality, it was only the briefest span of a minute. Our eyes locked into a battle generating stress that seemed expend the time. Once my heterochromatic peepers met his almost iridescent green ones, something happened. Sir Vorpal paused, as if contemplating something. His face showed a sign of an internal argument, and mine showed confusion. He had his magical blade directly at my throat, and with only a mental flick, he could kill me right now. Strangely, he did not.

I for one was not to waste a chance of survival. My eyes fell upon the sword barely an inch away, and I examined it quickly. It seemed to shimmer there in mid-air, physical yet immaterial at the same time. It was a longsword, the usual silvery tone of metal golden and glowing a low brilliance. From what I could gather from now and my beforehand meeting with the knight, he could materialize the sword whenever he wanted, so it was magical in property. He could levitate it, to what degree, I did not know, and I didn't wish to find out.

My body rolled underneath the floating sword like a spring, coiling up every muscle I had in my streamlined design, and rushing forward by pushing off of my back foot, the momentum adding up to one helluva punch. My left bear fist collided into Vorpal's head, the small din of a heavy fist meeting his metal helmet clanging through the room. He was sent lurching backwards, his mystical sword disappearing into thin air, his concentration of keeping it around now gone.

To be honest, I grinned a sharky, victorious smirk, confident of my win. Everything I had fought up to now buckled underneath my punch whenever I sent it at them, and right now felt no different. My lighthearted mood of victory sunk in my chest as Sir Vorpal righted himself back to all four legs, cracking his neck and adjusting his helmet, a large dent sunk into the surface of it. His eyes blazed with the fury of a man out to kill, and I knew that he would.

His horn shimmered momentarily before his magical sword sprung back to life before him, whizzing through the air directly at me. I reacted just in time by jerking my head a few inches to the right, the golden weapon embedding itself deeply into the wall, still buzzing with energy. Vorpal ripped it free and pointed it towards myself once again, advancing steadily with the precision of a master swordsman...or swordstallion, if that is the correct term in this world.

I had very little room to move about within the confines of the quarters, and my large size did not aid this whatsoever. Wherever I tried to dodge, I would bump into the wall or a piece of the furniture nearby, and Vorpal would score a successful cut on my body, the depth of the wounds varying. Some were minor, and my healing factor would patch them up in a jiffy, while others were deeper than Tartarus and bled like a fucking waterfall.

Whenever a drop of my lifesource fled out of my body, Vorpal would gaze at the green blood for a split second before continuing his onslaught towards my destruction. I did not know if that meant anything, but it was a point of this battle, and I had to take advantage of it if I were actually stand a chance against a trained knight of Celestia's guard.

I flicked up a few drops from my left arm into the palm of right hand, swinging it wide so the acidic droplets would flow through the air with a dazzling effect. Vorpal paused once more to stare at them, his blade ceasing in a chopping motion that would have surely lobbed off my head. I took this time of distraction to rush forward and deck him with several speedy jabs that pushed him right out of the room and into the larger hallway, granting me an advantage of movement now.

He nearly growled as I slithered around his blade now, moving deftly around it like liquid in our now spacious combat zone. I supposed I would have to thank Celestia later for having a ruler's affinity towards giant castles with big halls.

"Stand still, jabberwock!" The knight roared, swinging faster and more viciously, but more reckless as well. His attacks increased in strength, but slacked off in accuracy, barely hitting me now.

"Hmm..." I mockingly considered this by tapping my chin as I rolled underneath a great big swing that could've been dodged by a defunct automobile. "Naw. Swords sticking into me really clashes with my whole 'living' thing I got going on."

"Watch your tongue, beast! I am one of the highest ranking warriors in Equestria! I've slain countless of your kind, and one smart-mouthed jabberwock is not going to outwit me!"

"It's not really looking good for you so far...you're missing a lot. And I mean A LOT." I chuckled as I sidestepped the pointed tip ready to stab into me.

"Silence!"

His sword swung downwards to miss me and bounce off the floor.

"Can't make me."

He went into wide, sweeping arcs that was laughably easy to dodge now.

"I..."

Vorpal amped up the frequency of his attacks, mixing in a series of slices and stabs into a frenzied pattern that came closer and closer to me.

"Said..."

I thought to duck and avoid it, but to my surprise, one of his attacks caught me in the shoulder, sending a brief, sharp sting into that area.

"SILENCE!"

The stab wound deepened as he plunged the full blade into my right shoulder, rending a terrible scream to escape my lips. He maliciously yanked it free to renew his attacks with the vigor of an enraged animal. Snicker-snack went Vorpal's blade as it hummed through the air, cutting me down across the torso, various cuts and gashes opening up across my chest and stomach. He was progressing forward, forcing me quickly back into the small room in which our bout had begun.

A final push of stabs knocked me onto the flat of my back, and I grimaced at the pain jolting throughout the quadrants of my body. I tried to stand back up, but found a heavy force keeping me down. I looked up to see Vorpal's form approaching my fallen body, his horn glowing brightly with the golden aura associated with his abilities. I quickly theorized he was holding me down with tremendous telekinetic force, and that wasn't easy considering the strength I had now.

His visor had fallen down, so I could not make out any facial expressions, only that they were truly angry and gleefully sadistic in nature. He raised his blade and stabbed it downwards into my right hand, twisting it, receiving a yelp of pain from me in return. He pulled it free and did the same sequence of action with my left hand, legs, and even my tail.

I gasped from the pain coursing through me, overriding ever last nerve and thought with the horrible feeling of oncoming death. I did not know what death actually felt like, but this is what must be close to it. I gritted my fangs to hold back the shouts as the shocking pain washed over everything.

Vorpal stepped forward and placed a foreleg on my chest, raising his golden sword overhead, readying it for the finishing blow. He flipped his visor open, and I could finally see his eyes. They were what could only be described as madness. His pupils had expanded until they took up nearly his entire eyeball, filling it with a black darkness that showed no emotion. If I didn't know any better, I would say he had lost all fragments of his soul long ago.

"Any last words, jabberwocky?" He cackled, slowly raising the sword higher, ready to give it momentum for that final strike that would end me.

"Y-yeah...sure." I gasped out, my body shuddering at my words. I looked up, and locked my own eyes directly into his once more. At the determination in them, the darkness in Vorpal's eyes receded ever so slightly.

"He who fights monsters should be wary, lest he becomes one himself."

His most honorable knight came to a screeching halt as he was about to bring his sword down, his eyes now wide and fear-filled as my sentence came to an end. I could even make out beads of sweat beginning to appear on his fur. Did my words really have that much of an impact on the blighter? Once again, I had to take advantage of this moment.

I took in a deep breath, expanding my chest despite the heavy damage, and breathed out. Vorpal dodged just in the nick of time as a heavy stream of fire poured from my mouth. With his concentration broken once more, I sprang back up to my feet, shivering slightly as the heavy toll of my wounds began to take effect. I stumbled about on my feet, but my fists were still raised and ready to do battle as Vorpal only seemed to back away in fear from me.

He...he said THOSE word. He couldn't have know, he just couldn't have. That was so long ago, nopony would even dare to remember save for Celestia herself, and even she does not know of that time.

And his eyes, HIS EYES. They mock me, torment me of the facts that I should know. His eyes are alive, alive as a pony's is. A monster should NOT be this way. A monster only kills...

I caught him staring at the blood freely flowing down me once more. I placed both hands against one large wound in my side, caking my palms in the green goo that should really be staying inside me if I wanted to live.

"What?" I raised an eyebrow at him, baring my fangs. "You want some of my blood too? Take it then!"

I charged ahead towards him, hands of two different animals forward, grabbing onto his elegant armor tightly. It sizzled momentarily before my paw and claw sunk deep, the acid-like blood burning right through the metal and onto the soft, defenseless fur and flesh of Vorpal underneath. He screamed and writhed in pain at the touch, trying to break free, but I had him in a deathlock.

"You...are not...getting out so easily!" I roared as I hefted him into the air, his twisting body pitifully moving against my grip. With a battle cry that resembled a black metal vocalist, I leapt into the air brought my arms down with Vorpal in them simultaneously, piledriving him into the floor below. His entire body cracked into the ground, metal flying and bones breaking. When I released him, he buckled and collapsed into a heap of himself, twitching occasionally. I took a step back, expecting him to jump right back up and continue our battle, but no such thing happened. His chest rose slowly, signifying that he was still alive, but that really was the only movement from the unconscious night.

With a sigh, I collapsed beside him.

The Jabberwocky Sleeps

I awoke in a very familiar place. I woke up in my own bed.

The overpowering smell of dog and lost gym clothes, the sound of my mad ceiling fan whirring overhead, threatening to crash down at any moment's time. Had I been . . . dreaming the entire time? I mumbled as I tossed and turned about in my bedsheets, trying to free myself from their entanglement the night before. Definitely in my room. Only my own bed would want to cuddle me for this long.

Unintelligible words of detest and urgings to go back to sleep poured from my mouth as I halfheartedly tried to stand on my own two feet, swaying ever so slightly between the realms of the awake and the dreaming. At least, I think I was. Had that all really been a dream? It couldn't have been, it was too real. I could feel pain, I could think clearly, and every memory of Equestria was so vivid. I shrugged and sighed as the conundrum barreled itself around inside my head. Currently, I really couldn't think straight on an empty stomach, so I opted for that wonderful meal known as breakfast, slowly dragging myself towards the kitchen.

It was just as I had left it, messy with dishes that begged to be cleaned. I picked up a plate and scraped off what could have been dried mashed potatoes, deciding that it was clean enough to at least eat something off of it. I settled the palte down on the nearby table and moved around the kitchen, pulling various items from their various places; cereal from a cabinet, a bowl and spoon from the sink (both needed to be cleaned), and milk from the refrigerator.

Once my meager breakfast of soggy cereal flakes in half-expired milk was finished, I smacked my lips, trying to come to realization of what had happened. Everything truly was a dream. With bitter resignation building up inside me, I sighed as I threw the dirtier silverware and bowl back into the sink.

My adventures in Equestria were all a fake, just another mad figment of my dreams.

With the feeling of defeat pulling heavily at my heels, I managed to pull myself into my bathroom, staring long and hard into the face that reflected in the mirror. I looked absolutely terrible. My eyes were sunk back and long, dark bags had grown under them, as if I hadn't slept at all in the past month. My hair was a disheveled mess, half of it was matted to my head, and the other half sprang up in every direction.

"God . . . I am pathetic."

I found my own words empty. Had I really built up my hopes that high? I thought something was actually going on in my life, something interesting and amazing all at once. I had been pulled into a world beyond my own, filled with wonder and adventure that which none could compare. I wasn't a pony, but I could meet them. I even had some social interaction going on . . . too bad it was all fake.

"I really am pathetic . . ."

I leaned against the counter, elbows propped up and my face buried into my hands. Back to reality, I suppose. Back to the grind, to normality, to . . . my terrible life.

"Hey friend, don't talk that way about yourself."

At first I believed the words to be in my own head, trying to cheer myself up.

"They're not."

I lifted my head from my hands, curious as to where that voice was coming from.

"Where else? Check the mirror."

Following the instructions of the voice, I looked back into my visage of the reflective mirror, blinking several times in confusion. The me in the mirror did the same, but right afterwards, smiled. I myself did no such thing.

"Sup."

I jumped back as the mirror me was performing actions of his own, smiling widely as he leaned against the wall, tilting his head and chuckling at my reaction.

". . . Is this a dream within a dream? That sort of stuff happens . . . right?" I asked cautiously as I approached the mirror and tapped it. The mirror me simply shrugged in reply.

"Dunno. That's really up to you, big man. How many reflections actually talk back to you in real life?"

". . . Dream then."

"Now, what was it that I heard earlier that you're . . . 'pathetic'?"

"Oh . . . "I rubbed the back of my neck nervously, shrugging weakly in reply. Even in a conversation with myself I was awkward. It's a curse, I swear.

"Cause . . . I really am."

"No, you're not. You're just reeling from having a bit of inception shit going down. Dream in a dream in a dream, or is it a dream . . . in a dream, in a reality? I lost track." Mirror me chuckled again.

"And why do you say that?" I crossed my arms.

"Man, I'm you, and you're me, and we both know that we are not pathetic. Liking ponies? That's cool. People judge, but who cares? Your thoughts about Equestria . . . well, they could've happened."

"No . . . I doubt that."

"Oh, do you now?"

Mirror me stood back and took a few steps to the side, his own image altering. My eyes widened as the human form was replaced with that of a discombobulated creature. The scales, the feathers, the eyes, I was looking at Oddjob.

"No, you're looking at you as Oddjob. You've made a name for yourself." Oddjob said cheerily.

I shook my head slowly. " This must be a dream . . ."

"Then wake up." Oddjob's tone took on that of something very serious. "Stop doubting yourself and bitch-slap yourself back to reality. You have a world to save man! We just can't let Discord win, can we?!"

"N-no . . . but what about actually fighting him? The only thing that can really stop him are the elements of harmony."

Oddjob sighed. "Remember back when we were loco-roco and under Discord's taint?"

I nodded slowly.

"Celestia said Twilight had been alerted and was heading for Canterlot with the other Mane Six in tow." He grinned, a wide, toothy grin filled with many fangs. No wonder some flinched when they saw me. "Let them handle the big problems, they're the main characters. All we have to do is stall Disderp."

". . . I can do that." I said a bit more confidently.

"Then have at 'em, slugger." Oddjob laughed before rearing back his bear arm in a tight fist, slamming it forward and shattering the mirror that divided the two of us. he grabbed me just as the world seemed to shatter as well. The last thing I saw was a pit of darkness that enveloped my mind's eye, consuming me just before my conscious took off.

I awoke to an unfamiliar room and to a dull pain throbbing through every inch of my being.

"Sweet Jesus . . . what hit me?!" I exclaimed through a barely movable jaw as I hoisted myself back up to my feet, staggering ever so slightly as the dull pain intensified to a stabbing jolt. I gritted my fangs and let it pass until the oncoming waves died back down.

Looking around, I found to still be in the room of Sir Vorpal. I looked down, expecting to see the knight's unconscious form, but the sly bastard had disappeared. The only sign that he was ever here was his left behind visor helmet and the pony-shaped crater of his body that I slammed into the floor.

Hoping that I wouldn't run into his sword, I cautiously peeked around the corner of the door into the hallway. No sign of him or that annoying swinging toothpick of his, only the distant sounds of chaos and the occasional floating vase here and there. I stepped out into the hall of the castle and began making my way back towards my original destination: the throne room. Discord was bound to be there given his ego. I knew he was still playing with me and my friends, and I worried for them. What had become of Legion? Alamo? Zola?

"G'damn, this is a big castle . . ."

The auburn cowpony slowly trotted through the seemingly endless corridors of the royal castle with no real idea of where he should be heading. Alamo had never actually stepped hoof in Canterlot before, let alone the castle in which the royal sisters dwelled. With a grumble, the grizzled unicorn went through door after door, hall by hall, floor by floor to find his way through the internal maze Discord had created within the normally peaceful walls of Canterlot Castle.

Just as he rounded a corner, he came into direct contact with something solid and gasping.

Alamo stumbled backwards from the force in which he had been slammed into, shaking his head to be rid of the oncoming dizziness and righting himself to stand up straight again. When he tipped his hat back up and opened his eyes, they instantly narrowed into slits of distrust at the pony before him, who appeared rather different than he had before. The once shining, golden armor was bashed in and tarnished with scratches. The body of this pony was limping badly and appeared almost deformed in a sense with blood caking nearly every inch of visible fur in a sludge of red. His eyes were wide open but with heavy bruising around them, and his mane was an utter mess.

Sir Vorpal appeared as if he had been through death.

"What are you doin' here?!" Alamo barked, reaching for his revolver by instinct and aiming it at the knight, but knowing very well that he was out of ammo. Strangely though, something was telling him that he was not going to have to fake his way into a fight, Vorpal seemed to already have been on the losing side of one.

Vorpal coughed out a bloody sputter before replying. "On account of the fact that I live here . . . " He took in a sharp breath. "I just took one of the most horrible thrashings of my life . . . all thanks to your monster."

". . . Monster?"

"The jabberwock."

". . . His name's Oddjob."

"You act as if that beast has feelings, giving him a name."

"Well, looks like he was right ta give ya that beating. Ya'll don't look so dapper now." Alamo snickered to the knight's annoyance, who only narrowed his blackened eyes in reply.

"Remove yourself from my presence. I must seek remedy immediately."

". . ."

"I must heal my wounds."

"It's gonna take a while fer that ta happen. . ."

The knight's tone quickly sharpened. "I knew I should have slain your 'Oddjob' the moment we first met. He has caused all of this."

Alamo shrugged and gave a curt nod. "If'n you did, you would've found a bullet in your head quicker before your magic pointing stick could get into 'im."

"You dare threaten a knight?!"

"You dare 'ther-eatinin' one of my compadres?"

". . ." Vorpal huffed and slowly turned around, limping away in the opposite direction, best off to lick his wounds. "We are all doomed because of the jabberwock." He called over his shoulder. "Chaos reigns because of him."

"Uhhhn . . ."

No rhyme could be found to match the pain reaching its way through her striped body. Zola rolled until she was lying on the flat of her back, staring up at the checkered sky overhead. The twitching body of Hysteria beside her, the once elegant frame of the harpy now twisted in every which direction, her eyes wide with the fear of falling and her mouth open for that eternal gasp of air that would never come.

Slowly Zola lifted herself back up to her hooves, working out the soreness in her muscles to make sure every piece of her was still attached. It had been quite the fall, but luckily there was the combination of a harpy and a mulberry bush to keep her from ending up splattered over the gardens.

"Back to finding my friends, surely this problem we must mend." She spoke to herself as she began heading towards the castle, hoping she would not become lost within the chaotic walls.

The scratching of claws against earth and the occasional grunt were the only sounds heard in one of the many corridors of the royal castle. A tile in the hallway slowly lifted up before it was thrown into the air to land with a clatter a distance away. Slowly a snout peaked out from where the tile was, sniffing the air tentatively. Legion popped his head out of the hole that he had dug, looking this way and that, blinking once or twice to adjust to the now bright light that had been absent in the caverns so far below. With a grunt, he wriggled his body free and into the hallway, standing upright on his backlegs, shaking off the dirt that had tarnished his white fur.

"What now?" One of the many pack dogs asked within the collective mind.

"We find Alpha Oddjob." Siria replied from deep within the mental recesses.

The pack came to consensus, nodding their heads together, to which the body they inhabited did the some as well. Legion perked his nose into the air and gave a slight whiff, the highly-sensitive nasal organ catching a wide variety of scents. Some were of fear, others panic, and their was this strange hint of lemon with just a dash of cream. Alpha Oddjob's scent was the closest to that one. His was a unique one. The Alpha smelled of dragon, but also of something mammalian in nature as well.

Legion took off on all fours towards the direction of Oddjob's scent, the smell growing stronger with each pounding of paws against the ground. It even caught a whiff of the others in their 'pack'. The old one, Alamo. He absolutely reeked of alcohol, Legion could barely tolerate the heavy quality of air around him, but he also retained a musty, sandy smell that reminded one of the desert. The zebra, Zola, was intriguing as well, permeating a very dry scent that would bring one to think of something sun-baked and grassy, with just the slightest hint of cigar smoke around her.

"Ouch! Okay . . . one step at a time. Ow . . . ow . . . OW!"

I really wanted my regenerative factor to kick in right about now, but it seemed the little bitch wanted to take a holiday. My entire body sorely ached, and every movement only sent a coursing jolt through the wounds that hadn't healed up yet. Some were still deep and revealed the iridescent green blood underneath, while others were barely visible, newly formed flesh covering them already.

The battle with Vorpal had left me in pretty terrible shape, one of the worst beatings I've taken since arriving in Equestria, which is very surprising considering it's a world run by magic and harmony, at least the pony side anyway. Each step of paw and hoof left a horrible soreness through my lower torso, and I was pretty sure the movement was opening up some of the cuts that were semi-closed.

To be perfectly frank, I had no idea where to head to next. I knew that I had to find Discord, but that was it. All I had was a jist to run off of, and even that wouldn't get me very far. I was trapped in a neverending castle of chaos. When I looked around, I would find rooms that would lead to barber shops, playgrounds, and even a retirement home. The spirit's powerful magic made reality look like a joke.

"Okay Oddy . . . think, think." I muttered to myself, rapping my knuckles against my forehead in an attempt to kickstart my brain into coming up with an idea. I recalled that to truly get through the castle, you shouldn't care. The chaos thrived off of the unexpected, and me expecting to be somewhere just ruined any chance of actually arriving where I wanted to go with some sanity intact. So, I trudged down the hall that I was on and towards a large door at the end, pushing it open, leaving my mind blank as to where I wanted to end up at. If I followed this plan and played my cards right, I'd be back in the throne room in no time.

The door swung open from the force applied to it, hitting the wall with a thud that echoed. I stretched my long neck beyond the doorway to peer inside.

"Hello? No knights in here, ready to chop me up?"

It was the kitchen, or at least, I thought it was. You could never truly tell with all of this reality-warping going around. Cautiously I pandered my way in, eyes ever searching and senses wary of what could literally pop out of anywhere. Back when I thought the show was just a cartoon and the draconequus harmless, I found his antics quite funny, but now with his powers an actuality, I was very scared. There seemed no limit to the trickster's capabilities, and I knew he loved a good laugh. Probably got one when he had me greyed-out with his taint, and I was not willing to let that happen again.

After several minutes of examining the area, there was nothing out of the ordinary other than the random tupperware dancing through the air or a candlestick asking me to be its guest. I breathed a well-deserved sigh of relief, I wasn't up to the task of another bout with anything other than a plateful of food. Speaking of food . . . I was in the kitchen, and a hero needed their supplements, right?

I got right to the task of stuffing myself silly despite the circumstances. I was starved, and was still depleted from my tussle with Vorpal. I still had time to stop Discord, and what was a little snack in-between? I went through every cupboard visible of the royal kitchen in my raid, only finding more pots and pans and some ingredients. I hit the jackpot in the nearby pantry.

Shelves upon shelves of stored foods of all kinds, ripe for the picking. With a wide grin that had just the slightest hints of a shark before a feeding frenzy, I grabbed as much as I could and held the pile of edibles in my arms, the stack of food stretching taller than I was.

After carefully maneuvering my way out of the pantry and balancing the hefty load carefully, I set it down on a table where food was prepared and did what I did best: gorge myself until it felt like my digestive track was entirely stocked.

It did not matter what it was, as long as whatever I grabbed went into my mouth was edible and tasty, it went down the gullet quicker than the eye could blink. Celestia had quite the stock, and as most would expect, a wondrous range of tasty confectionery treats that would certainly give weight to one's hip area. Did I give a flying fuck? Nopers.

I didn't even hear it when Legion padded up to me, my entire being taken up with the delicious lemon-meringue pie about to become one with my stomach.

The Alpha is near.

One of the diamond dogs within the body of Legion alerted the rest as the highly-powerful sensory gland that was their nose picked up the ever-strengthening trail of Oddjob's scent. Plus, the smell of food helped too. There was a lot of that, and Legion could pick out every last trace of every distinct food item there, each one tantalizing in its own respect.

Shaking away the thought of drooling over eating a decent meal, Legion took off even faster, dashing around corners as nothing but a white blur. In less than a minute's time, he had found the Alpha sitting at a table, doing nothing but eating.

Legion shrugged and approached the jabberwocky silently, only speaking once they were close enough for Oddjob to hear the multi-toned voice over his snacking.

"Are you going to share any of that, Alpha Oddjob?"

Alamo Wall perked up his head, his ears flickering and listening intently. Something screamed in the distance, it was faint, but the cowpony could almost make out where it came from. Sounded like a damsel in distress given how high-pitched and frightened it was. He chuckled, sizing himself up to play the hero. It was probably one of the castle maids that had been left behind. Even though he had no bullets or dynamite . . . or any form of protection, he would at least try to save this lass. He let a smirk fall on his face as he dashed off valiantly in the direction of the scream. Maybe he'd even get a kiss out of it?

". . .? A scream that I hear, or is this just a trick of the ear?"

Zola paused to allow the high-pitched sound to have its full effect on her hearing so that she could get a good 'feel' on where it had come from. Knowing this topsy-turvy place, it could've been right behind and she wouldn't even be able to tell. But for the zebra, common sense and instinct prevailed over the chaotic world around her, so she took off in the direction in which she believed the terrible shriek had originated from.

". . . Did we frighten you?"

"GodfuckingdammitLegion. You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

". . . We are sorry, Alpha. Please accept our apology."

". . . Fine."

"Good." Legion nodded, wagging his tail slightly.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "It's good to see that you're not hurt. Discord do anything to you?"

"Not that we know of. We were sent deep beneath the castle to do battle with one of the Chaotic One's tainted henchmen."

"I see you didn't come out of it unscathed." I winced at the slight bruising and bleeding noticeable across his body. Legion merely shrugged in reply.

"Our opponent was outmatched the moment he stepped into that cavern."

"Glad to see you haven't lost any of your ego . . ."

"Thank you, Alpha Oddjob."

A small moment of silent passed with our conversation seemingly ended. I went back to eating, this time much slower now that I had company and was now required to actually appear civilized. Even after devouring a large portion of the pile of food before me, I realized that I was still partially famished. I had an appetite back when I could have been considered a person, but this was just ridiculous? There could have been several factors contributing to this hunger, mostly from my lack of meals in the past number of days, or it could have been my rapid healing factor. That sucker didn't run on its own, so it must require fuel, right? It was about as good a guess as any other might make.

Before I could take another bite into the pastry that I had in hand, I could hear something right beside my ear, hovering right over my shoulder. I turn ever so slightly to see Legion almost drooling over the food on the table, his eyes almost bulging and long strands of viscous drool hanging from his lips.

". . . You want some, Legion?"

"May we, Alpha?"

A short realization came to me about Legion's pack mentality. No other was allowed to eat the juicer parts of the meal until the biggest and the baddest was done, leaving the scraps behind for the rest. Now, I couldn't just sit there and eat almost all of it before he, she, they, could have a bite.

"Go ahead." I gave a small wave towards the food. Quicker than I could blink, the diamond dog was tearing into the delectable delicacies with vigor and gusto. Never before had I seen something go down a throat so fast. It left me in a bizarre sense of awe and disgust.

For several more minutes did we continue our feast before another interruption came in. I expected it to be a threat from Discord, but it was Alamo, charging in headfirst with his revolver out and screaming a warcry of bloody murder. His shout died down when he realized he was in a pretty harmless kitchen with the two of us just staring at him.

He only blushed a slight red before putting his gun away and trotting over to join us at the table. "Ya'll don't mind if'n Ah share in some of this, do ya?"

I shook my head and he began eating.

With a small chuckle, I wasn't surprised to see Zola enter a few minutes later. She looked at us with a confused expression upon her striped face. "I thought I heard a scream? It might have been fake, it seems."

"That was Alpha Oddjob." Legion stated blatantly. I tried to give him a cold, harsh look, but his snout was too buried in a

"Just shut up and enjoy this food with us."

Zola shrugged and was more than happy to oblige eating Celestia out of house and home. For that quiet, solitary moment, we had peace. The silverware had stopped dancing, sounds of the ever-moving world ceased, and there seemed to be a serenity upon the entire room, as if the company of one another was all that we needed to fight back the chaos. I looked up and grinned at the group before me, each one looking up from their separate meal and almost understanding, sharing a smile as well back at me.

"This . . . is nice." Legion said. This was coming from somebody, or some people, that had spent almost their entire lives trapped underground and forced to survive against some of the worst monsters mythology could throw at them. It must've been lonely down there, even with all the voices in your head.

"Real nice. We should do this more often . . . when the fate of Equestria isn't hangin' in the balance." Alamo concurred. Even the old man was getting sentimental?

"I agree. Maybe when all is said and done, we will have peace. Hopefully." Zola giggled. Whoah. Never heard her giggle before.

"I'm . . . glad that I met you all." I spoke, my light smile never leaving. "I'm also kind of sorry that I dragged you all into this as well . . ."

"Don't feel so bad on yerself, pardner. If it wasn't fer you, Ah'd be drinking my life away back in that saloon."

"You still do that."

"But Ah'm doin' it with a friend now."

"I would have been stuck working for the King. You freed me, Oddjob, and that is no small thing." Zola winked.

"We would still be trapped in Tartarus. You freed us, Fiery One."

"Fiery One?"

"There is something else within you that coexists alongside the taint. It is burning, powerful, and free, like we are now."

"Well . . . thanks guys. For . . . everything, I guess. You helped me out of being under Discord's control. Mostly Legion did with beating me upside the head, but you came despite the chaos roaring around you."

"I'm . . . glad to call you friends."

Even with my sentimental words, the room became eerily cold and our food seemed to have lost its flavor. Every last one of us at the table jumped to our collective feet, paws and hooves, instinct telling us to react.

"Aww . . . how sweet." A very familiar voice echoed from nowhere. "A couple of friends having brunch together . . . or would it be dinner? I really need to stop messing with the space-time continuum . . . or get a watch. Either one of those would help me keep track of what time it might be."

"Discord, show yourself." I breathed sharp sparks of flame through my gritted fangs.

"How about you show yourselves? A climactic finale can't take place inside a kitchen, now should it? Hardly makes a good read."

At once the scenery shifted and morphed. Nothing was at it should have been as the kitchen melted away to reveal the grandeur of the throne room, Discord cheerily waving at us from atop Celestia's throne, a cup of signature chocolate milk in his paws.

"Welcome everypony. Please, make yourselves at home. I'm so glad you enjoyed the stock of food I had in store for whenever I decided I wanted to hibernate for winter." The spirit laughed, gulping down every last drop of the brown liquid before tossing the glass cup into the air and catching it deftly in his mouth, the sound of crunching glass followed as he chewed and then swallowed.

We were like a fighting force in synchronization. I took on that fighting stance of boxer and feral beast, claws readied and tufts of smoke and embers rising from my maw. Legion was tensed like a spring, on all fours and ready to pounce at a moment's notice. Alamo tipped his hat up and had his revolver out and ready, aimed directly at Discord's head. Zola had her stick between her hooves and twirling it slowly, but I knew it could lash at at any time with stinging accuracy. All in all, I could say we looked pretty intimidating.

Which meant absolutely nothing to the Spirit of Disharmony. He merely guffawed and clapped his paws slowly. "Oh, don't you four look threatening! I'm shaking in my boots! I'm terrified beyond all measure! Lock me up and throw away the key now!" He stood up from the throne, strolling towards us without a care in the world despite the fact we were about to give him some major bodily harm a few seconds. I did not know if we could actually hurt him, but we could try.

In unison we charged, various weapons and appendages ready to tear asunder. Not that we even got the chance to do so.

"Really? . . . Really? You're all going to charge me at the same time? Sunbutt and Moonbutt tried that ages ago, and it didn't work then either. One of you is a mangy mutt," He snapped his fingers, and the large cone that he had used on Cerberus earlier appeared on Legion, causing him to lose his balance and crash to the floor.

"The other doesn't even have any bullets left to shoot," Another snap, and Alamo's revolver became limp like a noodle, slippery in his telekinetic grip. Some invisible force tugged at his poncho, wrapping up his hooves and subduing him as well.

"The other is coming at me with a stick. A stick. Unless it's really big, you're not impressing me." Zola's branch snapped right in half. Discord was truly blunt with this one, simply pushing her to the other side of the room with a heavy force that sent her flying.

"Which just leaves you, my little jabberwocky."

I now found myself face to very smug face with the antithesis of all that was peaceful and harmonic in this world and the next. He had bested the other three so easily, and all he had done was get up and walk over to me.

"So, what are you going to try, hmm?" He mused, casually examining his claws for any dirt on them. "Try to hit me with one of those infamous haymakers of yours? Scratch me? Bite me? Go ahead. I'm wide open." He cackled, revealing a large target across his torso, just like he did in the season two premiere. His very words mocked me, and I felt the blood boil inside me.

I let him have it with an angry roar and a furious spew of flames shooting forth from my mouth. Overwhelming his form in their heat until I ran out of breath. Gasping, I watched as the heat blazing from my mouth died down, leaving a wide path of black ash upon the floor and a completely unharmed Discord before me, sunglasses upon his face and his entire body lathered in sunscreen lotion, the bottle disappearing into thin air after he was done applying it.

"Whoo! What a scorcher! Good thing I packed my SPF-1000, or that could've gotten just a bit bone-melting."

My mouth hung open. He just took a blast of dragonbreath and came out of it singe-free. What could even begin to hurt this bloody blighter?!

"Ah, don't look so down, Oddy." He snapped his sunglasses and the lotion on his body away with a brief flash of light. "So you tried to best a chaos god with just a plucky, can-do attitude and a bit of heat behind you. The only thing that matters," He stepped forward towards me, and my heartbeat quickened. I could feel the adrenaline pumping, attuning my senses to the world around me. I was nervous, scared, and angry all at the same time.

Discord's lion paw touched my chest as he continued speaking. "Is that you tried. You tried your best, and that's all that really matters. Other than winning. Which I did."

"Shut up." I growled.

"Mean words get you nowhere in life. Why not a 'congratulations plunging Equestria and eventually the world into chaos, Discord?' That'd be nice. Ooh, and a cake. That'd be nice too. My favorite flavor is vanilla if you're wondering."

"Shut . . . up."

"Though, I am fond of carrot cake. Just don't tell the rabbits, they get really jealous."

"Shut up."

"Maybe red velvet? Naw . . . too rich for me. I don't want it going to my thighs. Swimsuit season is coming up."

"I said . . . " With every cell within me pounding with furious blood, my vision dimmed and then reddened with fury. I had only felt this once before, and from what I could gather, the outcome was very bad. But I did not care now, for the rage within me seemed to be welling up to take shape. I leaned my body forward while cocking my right fist back, clenched tight to the point that it physically pained me to squeeze even harder. Moving forward with all of the momentum shifting from the bottom of my soles directly to my fist, I punched Discord right in the face.

And damn, did it feel good.

"SHUT UUUUUUPPPP!" When my fist made contact with the draconequus, something happened. Through my blood-red vision, I could make out some moving across my arm and into Discord's face, shocking him and sending him stumbling back a few steps. He seemed stunned at what had just occurred, looking at me in disbelief while holding the center of his face in pain.

Slowly, the redness of my sight lessened until my normal vision came back, my blood still pumping, but only normal adrenaline coursing through me this time. I knew that blow alone wouldn't stop Discord, so I raised my fists again, ready to show I was prepared to beat him down into the dirt, omnipotence or not.

Only to find that my hands were on fire.

Since finding out that I was fireproof, fire itself now posed no threat to me, so I curiously gazed at the flames playfully licking around my knuckles and fingers and claws. I don't even know how it happened, but it did. I clenched my fists a few times, testing them to see if they were okay. After squeezing both claw and paw until they hurt, I found something truly interesting. When I reached that certain level of tightness in grip, my scales in my bird hand lifted up, perforated, to allow fire to shoot up through the skin and onto my hands. The same thing in my left hand, only through skin and fur. Make way, Bruce Lee. Somebody else in town has fists of fury.

". . . Ow."

I looked up from my little examination, Discord rubbing his face and putting out the small embers in his singed fur. "That actually hurt. I had forgotten what pain felt like."

"Wanna feel it again? Plenty more where that came from." I remarked, pointing at him with my ignited finger.

"I'm gonna be straight with you, Oddjob." His tone took on something akin to serious, something I had never used before. "I could stay around here and fight you and pretend you have the upper hand, or I could just zap you miles away. Or, I could just erase you from existence altogether. But I'm not going to do that."

"No. What I'm going to do is show you something. Something very few have even seen, and even those eyes are either long dead or ancient themselves. I'm going to show you something terrible."

He appeared in front of me faster than I could blink, leaning in and whispering. "I'm going to show you the face of chaos itself."

Then, he disappeared. I looked around the big, empty throne room, but no sign of him anywhere. Only his foreboding and ominous words hung heavy in the air alongside a silence that could choke someone. I helped my allies up one after the other, taking off the cone of Legion, untangling Alamo, and steadying Zola to her hooves.

"What do you think he meant by all that?" I asked, scratching my head, curious to see the fires along my hands had gone out. Maybe they're there for only as long as I have them clenched in that specific level of strength?

"We do not know." Legion shook his head. "But from what we know of ancient beings speaking ominous words, it does not bode well for any of us."

"Maybe . . . we should check the train station? Get outta here while we still can? Canterlot's lost, obviously. We could regroup with the rest of the Equestrian Guard or even them there Bearers of Harmony up in Ponyville."

"We can try." I shrugged, motioning for the rest to walk with me towards the exit. Only when we were halfway across the front courtyard did Discord's words become clear to us.

It was as if another storm had rolled over the skies of the shining capital of Equestria, except this one was deathly quiet, only the pitch-black clouds blotting out any hope of light overhead. No rain, or thunder, or lightning. Only the darkness outlined by faint light below and the peaks of the taller Canterlotian architecture.

"Ah've got a bad feelin' 'bout this." The cowpony murmured as we all stared skyward, waiting on something to happen.

"We all do." I replied, something roiling inside my gut and making me sick. The Taint, as I have come to known it, was a presence still within me. I was not purged of it yet, and it sat right beside the hot pit of fire deep within me. It seemed . . . excited about something. Something dark and very sinister, and it was telling me it was going to happen soon.

Then it did. A roar echoed across the land, shattering windows and forcing those below to cover their ears in pain. Something overhead broke through the clouds. I couldn't even make it out, as it skimmed just beneath the layer of darkness, shrouding it from complete view. But what I could tell, it was big. Ridiculously so.

The roar continued, and the massive, sky-filling thing thrashed through the darkness even more. I could see limbs, a long, miles-spanning body that writhed with serpentine structure. Until finally, a face. And not just any face, Discord's. Or what seemed like his. It was truly terrifying beyond words. We just stared, eyes wide with fear and bodies rigid with tension. The face was enormous, comparable to a cityscape. It held his equine shape, but just barely. From his mouth came rows of building-sized fangs that dripped and oozed with a terrifying black substance that seemed to distort the very air around it. His eyes were wild, red, and mad. I would be staring at two, but no. Dozens of eyes dotted his face, ranging in size from hay bales to entire barns. His horns jutted from his head in a wild frenzy, sticking this way and that, piecing the sky with their sharpness.

"Behold, the face of chaos." The chaos god spoke, his voice deep and booming, echoing in a thunderous tone.

"Sweet Jesus Christ . . ."I breathed softly, nothing but horror entering my heart.

". . . Who's Jesus?" Alamo asked, yet his own voice trembled softly. We were all out of our league, and we knew it. Nothing but simple mortals trying to deny a force of the universe itself. Outclassed, outranked, and outmatched in every way possible. The cartoon had done well to guise Discord's true nature.

"O-Oddjob . . ."Zola whispered, and I turned to look at her. "What do we do?" No rhyme, no hope at all in her voice.

"I . . ." I stepped forward, only to give them comfort. That was what a leader was supposed to do, right? Appear heroic and brave, even in the face of adverse peril?

"I . . . don't know."

Something came down from the eldritch mass above, a tentacle. It shot down faster than any could react to, and wrapped its slimy self around me in an iron grip. I was hoisted upwards, the faint shouts of my friends below only growing fainter and I was zoomed higher and higher into the air, beyond the veil of darkness and miles above Canterlot.

Even up here, it was dark. I could make out a form that spanned miles, twitching and jerking with an endless amount of limbs of animals of all kinds. Disgusting and terrifying at the same time, a good combination.

The grip of the tentacle tightened even further, cracking bones and bulging my eyes out to where they nearly popped right out of my skull. Something massive appeared before me, so large I couldn't even see it all.

"So, how does it feel?" A twisted, slithering voice worked its way into my head, nary a whisper, but a scraping one against my brain. Or was it already there? The visage before me blinked, revealing it was one of the many eyes upon Discord.

"Knowing that you are nothing? That all that you have done is in vain. All the good you've tried to do, has only ended in chaos and blackness. Your every action resulting in something quite . . . terrible." The voice laughed, and it hurt me. the Taint within me seemed to be growing, a black, oozing hand that was working it's way from the pit of my being through the guts and into my lungs. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see anymore, only the dark.

"Your plight against the worms destroyed the desert landscape . . . the explosives caved in miles of the land . . . ruining trade paths for those poor, small towns who won't be receiving supplies. Soon, they will starve."

The Taint tightened in my chest, causing me to gurgle deeply in the back of my throat. I felt like vomiting. All the while, voice continued, and my world dimmed darker.

"Las Pegasus is no more . . . businesses ponies had spent a lifetime on . . . gone."

Everything seemed to be . . . fading. It was peaceful, in a sense.

"And now, Canterlot. My chaos spreads and grows across the land, with no hope for anypony. Nothing can save you or your friends below, or anypony for that matter. Chaos will reign . . . eternal."

My friends. That was a good thought before death. It was a comforting one, despite the circumstances. As the Taint slowly crawled up my throat, working its way through towards my mind, I cherished my last few moments of life. I did have a sense of guilt, seeing as how I failed everyone despite my best efforts. I tried, I really did. I had fought across this entire land, trying to make the best of my trip to Equestria. I expected something so much more different than when I was sitting at my computer screen so long ago, but I'm sorta at peace with it all. I'm okay.

I have my friends. I'll miss them, but they'll be okay. They're all strong. Alamo will simply ignore the chaos and drink some whiskey back at the Appleloosian saloon. Zola might go with him, or head back to Zebrafrica. Maybe she'll be save there. Legion? I don't know about Legion. I want them all to be free, but I don't know how. But . . . they'll be okay.

I love my friends. I had been so alone . . . and so had they. Alamo in a saloon, Zola in the casino, Legion in the cave, until we all came together. It's truly magic.

Something screamed in agony. My head jerked up and my eyes were wide open. The Taint within me quickly retreated to whence it came, only to scream in pain as it came in contact with the fire right beside it. I felt something else as the fire grew brighter and stronger.

"What are you doing?!" Discord roared, nearly shattering my eardrums. "Your light . . . your goodness . . . your friendship, it sickens me!"

I looked upwards at the eye, seeing something different inside it now other than insanity. It was fear.

"There is no place in my world for such things! There is no place for hope amongst chaos!"

The Taint slowly dwindled until it could barely be felt at all, while the fire only grew stronger, filling my entire body with a renewed strength and vigor. Energy pumped back into my limbs, and I felt my muscles ripple against the tentacle wrapped around my body. I could match it.

"I demand you let your light die! As your god, I command that you die!"

"Not too big on commands, Discord!" I shouted up, stabbed my claws into the tentacle and ripping upwards, chunklets of oozing purple flesh flying around me.

In that moment, time seemed to slow, as it had done many times before in adrenaline-fueled moments. I had to take full advantage of it right then. I tightened both bear paw and eagle claw in righteous fury, both of them igniting in a fist-shaped blaze of anger. I descended towards the eye in front of me, grabbing onto it with all of my strength, my claws giving me leverage to hold onto it.

"Y'know what, Discord?!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, the fear within the eye growing. "I don't care how powerful you are! I don't care if your chaos incarnate! All I know is that as long as there is one small spark, it ignites the largest flame! And that spark, my dear Disdick, is friendship!"

I chuckled at the corny lines coming from my mouth, but it was the truth, and the truth hurt Discord the liar. His pupil shrank to almost a pinprick in proportion to his vast size as I raised both of my fists in the air, plunging then forward deep into the eyeball, his scream of pain erupting through the entire planet and the optical caught ablaze.

I did not know if I could beat him, seeing as I was a couple feet tall compared to a couple miles tall, but I could sure damn well try. Even before I could pull my fists out once more and jab him again, the eye stopped looking at me for a moment and gazed into the distance.

". . . No." The draconequus whispered. I turned around and followed his line of sight. Something broke through the clouds, and this one was much more inspiring. Light and color blasted forth from below, hitting his body and turning it into a white light.

"NoOOoOOoOOooOoOoOOo!"

The rainbow blasted quickly covered him despite the magnitude of his size, breaking up the clouds around us to make way for the clear of day. I soon found myself free-falling beside a now normal-sized Discord, but his body quickly being encompassed by solid stone.

I laughed, and his head turned to me, a small sneer creeping across his face.

"What? You've lost, Discord!" I shouted over the wind.

"So have you." He cackled just before his entire body turned to stone, leaving a mocking grin and his dying laughter in my ears.

I didn't know what he meant until I felt my entire lower half grow numb. I looked down to see both of my legs now made of solid stone, the petrification process working its way quickly up my body. I was quick to make calculations as to why I was becoming a lawn ornament. I was in the vicinity of the blast, and somehow, the taint still lived on within me. It seemed Discord did get the last laugh.

I sighed, accepting my fate. Before the stone overcame my eyes, I looked down, and smiled.

I could see my friends looking right back up at me.

Epilogue

Princess Luna slowly trotted through the halls of Canterlot Castle, shaking off the day. It had been a big victory celebration, one that spanned across the entirety of Equestria. Even a few neighboring countries wanted in on the joy. She had been lost in it, simply loving the fact that she was not made of stone anymore and that her subjects were unharmed. Amongst the balloons and cheers and happy greetings, she had seen so many happy faces, all except a few. One was one of the cowpony types almost like the element of honesty, Applejack. She had seen him on a train leaving. A zebra bore the same face, taking an opposite rail towards the international train station, possibly one that would lead her to Zebrafrica. And last . . . a diamond dog. He was very strange, pure white in color, so he must've been an albino. She did not see his face, as he had dug deep into the earth and away from any who would follow.

She approached a chamber door bearing the insignia of the sun upon it, the two guards standing at attention on either side of it saluting at her approach. She knocked three times and entered Celestia's private study.

"Sister?"

The blue alicorn looked around to see her older sibling's sleek form standing on the balcony just outside her study, one that gave her a perfect view over the castle grounds and most of Canterlot. Luna approached her and nodded.

"Greetings, dearest sister. Did thou enjoy the celebrations?"

"I did." The golden ruler of Equestria replied, her voice monotone and far off, as if lost in thought.

"Does something bother you, sister?" The Night Mare asked in concern. She could always tell when Celestia was troubled our worried. Her brow furrowed in the slightest of ways, her mouth slowly tuckered downwards, her her mane was ever so erratic.

"Do you see that?" She nodded her head downwards to point with her horn at the gardens below. It rested upon one of the garden's newest acquisitions.

". . . The minion of Discord?" Luna said through gritted teeth.

"Yes." The sun alicorn said with almost no emotion. Her horn glowed golden for the briefest of moments as she mentally grabbed a book in her study and brought it over to hover between the two. It was old and wrinkled, torn and barely legible, but they both knew it well. It was leatherbound, bearing the face of an equine upon it. The Ancient Book of Equestrian Prophecy, a tome that would of what was and is to come. One of the tokens left behind from their parents.

"What bothers you, sister? Is this about Twilight's destiny again?"

Celestia shook her head. "No, but that is a concern for later. What I want to show you is this."

She opened to a certain page around the middle of the large book. It was written in ancient equestrian, so very few could understand it. The two alicorn sisters would be able to, seeing as how they invented the language.

" . . . The Prophecy of Deliverance?"

The alicorn of the day nodded grimly. "Look." She motioned towards a picture on the page. It appeared to be a jumble of parts trying to make a coherent form. A dragon's head, a bird's body, a bear's arm, just a small bit of pony, and a kangaroo made up the fading image.

"What does this look like?"

Luna did not need to answer, for they both already knew.

"Surely this is not to signify the beginning of this prophecy."

"What else is it?"

"We have been wrong of what was in the tome before, Celestia."

"But what if we are correct? We must prepare now."

". . ."

They both looked down at the smiling statue of the jabberwocky, and thought of what destiny might have in store for it.

A Game of Chance

"What's goin' on in 'ere?"

Run you idiots.

"It appears they are...torturing our patched together friend."

"What?!"

Zola knows all about the King. She can get herself and Alamo out of here.

"Zola...youse walked in at a bad time."

"...It seems we did. I take it he wasn't brought down here to amend?"

Don't talk to him, just run!

"Let mah buddy go! OOF-"

Alamo was tackled to the ground by several pegasi, their bodies forming a struggling bundle of grunts and flying hooves. I saw the tough old blighter send lightning cracks of jabs into every last one of their face, stunning them enough to work his way out of the mess. He bucked two away and sent another reeling with a quick snap from his pistol's bunt end. The King only regarded the mess fondly. Zola stared him down, her face creased into that of great displeasure.

"I really don't feel like killing anypony today..."The King said in an almost exasperated tone."So, Zola, take your backwater friend here back up to the casino and give him a round of chips on the house. We're not done,"He pointed a hoof back at me."With this thing yet."

Thing? I was a thing now to the bugger? If I wasn't restrained right now...

"No."

A heavy silence fell upon the room. The thugs confusedly looked between Zola and the King, an expression of shock on nearly every face in the room save for Alamo's and mine.

"...What did you say, striped-ass?"The King asked, grinding a new cigar between his teeth without even lighting it. Must've been a habit to have one of those nasties in his mouth at all time.

"I said no."She repeated without rhyming this time. I take it zebras only rhymed when they felt in the mood to do so. By the look on her face and the atmosphere change in the room, I believed she didn't feel like busting out some namby-pamby rhymes at the moment.

The King gave a slight twitch."And I said get back up in the casino, or you and ten-gallon here are gonna be chained up just like Oddy over here."

"I'm tired of all this,"She waved her forelegs in a grand sweeping motion."The crime, the lies, the terror you inflict upon everypony that passes through Los Pegasus. I left Zebrafrica to leave strife behind, to find a better life here than in the grasslands. But I find myself under the control of a corrupted monster that does not belong in such a peaceful land."

The ground underneath the King was beginning to blacken, a tell of a bad sign."What are you saying, Zola?"

"I quit, and, you can go buck yourself right up Celestia's pearly flank."She stomped her hoof several times, and Alamo could only nod in approval at an insult so foul, to equestrians anyway.

"Boys,"The King didn't even have to command them. His goons were upon Alamo and Zola once more. The auburn cowpony's horn glowed for a split second before he sent out a blast of telekinetic force, sending those nearest to him flying back, giving him some breathing room. Zola stood up on her hindlegs and grabbed a metal pole from a nearby rack, twirling it elegantly in her fetlocks. She whirred around and struck one pegasi directly in the snout, a sharp crack signaling that his nose was broken. She raised up the rod and brought it down right between his eyes, his optics crossing in pain before he fell to the ground.

Alamo aimed and fired several times, each one of his bullets meeting their mark. The small metal fillings tore directly through feathered wings, rendering the pegasi's speed and agility useless. He then proceeded to headbutt three of them in succession repeatedly until they too slumped into unconsciousness.

The last two were Royal Flush and Ace, and Zola had them all to herself. With almost malicious glee, I could tell by the grin on her face, she took pleasure in dismantling them. The pole would strike them across the face deftly before she brought it back around and crunched it into their kneecaps, sending them tumbling over one another. A quick flourish of the rod, and both were sent flying backwards to crash into one of the racks, sending it toppling over directly onto them. Alamo gave her a questioning glance as she finished the two, her breath barely even strained. She replied with a shrug.

"Zebrafrican stick fighting, my father taught it to me."The zebra said, moving a misplaced dread away from over her eyes.

"Brutus..."The King commanded through gritted teeth, and his bodyguard only happily obliged, stomping over to them with heavy grunts.

"Alright big fella, don't make me use this."Alamo waved the revolver at him, a fresh load of six bullets reloaded into it. Brutus snatched it out of the air with ease, breaking the magical hold on it with pure strength alone. He tossed it across the room, only to whip his around back around and catch Alamo with his forearm, smashing the cowpony into the ground. I winced after I heard a gush of air leave Alamo, he was winded.

Zola fared no better, for her blows only slightly agitated the hulking monster. He caught the iron rod and snatched it away from her, bending it until it was in the shape of a pretzel. Zola backed away nervously, only for a heavy jab from the minotaur to send her sprawling.

Alamo, the persistent little coot, got back up on his hooves, he wasn't out of the fight just yet. With something akin to a warcry, he leapt onto Brutus's back, wrapping his backlegs around the minotaur's waist and his forelegs around his neck in a struggling chokehold. He couldn't exactly get a good grip, seeing as how thick and veiny the blighter's throat was, so all Alamo could do was hold onto the bull he was trying to wrangle.

In retaliation, Brutus jumped into the air to land on his back, pressing his full, crushing weight into Alamo. When the minotaur got back up, all I could make out of Alamo was something crunched up and coughing blood.

Quick as a flash, a blurred form of monochrome rammed herself into Brutus, not even budging the giant. He lifted her by her dreads, tugging at them painfully. Zola struggled in midair while he held her, only for him to whip her around by her hair and smash her into the harsh ground below, each thud of her limp body against the floor making me wince. Finally, I had had enough.

"STOP!"I roared with a voice much louder than I thought I could muster, nearly shaking the whole room with it's intensity.

The white pegasus that was the King turned around to look at me, that same, amused light in his eyes."Brutus, bring the two troublemakers here."

Brutus grabbed both of them by the scruff of their necks, holding their crippled bodies as trophies to be won. They were both in incredibly bad shape. I could see trickles of blood coming out of Alamo's mouth, and his torso appeared to be the most bruised thing I had ever seen, mounds of varying colors of brown to black to blue over his body. Zola had trouble breathing, her breathes gasping and erratic.

"Just...stop hurting them."I said pleadfully. I knew only one thing would satisfy the King, and I did it. Just as before, I crawled onto my knees and placed my head on the floor."Don't hurt them anymore for what I did...please."

"..."

He gave a quick motion, and Brutus dropped the two onto the floor beside me. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Are you truly, apologetic, Oddy?"He questioned. With my face still to the ground, I could hear him lighting a cigar.

"I am."

"Y'know, I just can't let youse go, principles and all that."

Fuck you and your principles.

"But...I can give you and your friends a way out. Nopony disrespects the King without some kind of...sacrifice."

"And what would mine be...?"

He pushed a hoof underneath my chin, lifting my face up to gaze into his. He was as smug as ever.

"A little game, a game of chance. This is Los Pegasus, after all! All youse has to do is beat me, and you and your pals can walk free, simple as that."

"And if we lose?"

Something lit up in his eyes, that same dark force I had been seeing inside him for the past few days.

"The consequences won't be pretty."

Something tugged at me. I turned to see Alamo's foreleg weakly pulling at my sleeve."Don't do it..."He mumbled before letting out a cough of pain, small splatters of blood flecking the ground near his open mouth.

I mouthed the word 'sorry' to him before turning back to the King."I accept."I stated with a nod."What's the game?"

He chuckled, a guffaw that quickly transformed into a hacking cough. He did this for several seconds before answering."A simple game of Go Fish, my favorite."

I raised an eye."Out of any game you could choose, you pick Go Fish?"I questioned."Why not poker, craps, or even a game of D&D for crying out loud!"

"It's my favorite game."The King repeated.

"...Alright."Another nod from me.

Brutus placed a table between the two of us and Lady Luck dealt seven cards to both of us, placing the deck to the side and placing one in the middle of the table. A simple three of clubs. I clumsily held my cards between my hands and the King held his with his wingtips.

I had two jacks, one five, two threes, and two twos. Eh, decent hand for such a childish game. I could remember playing this back when I was a kid, but I lost ever single time. Seriously, every. Single. Time. In fact, no matter what I played, every kid always beat me. I didn't know if God decided to curse me with losing all the time or that I was a natural born loser, but this time, I had to win, I just had to. Even though the King may have Lady Luck on his side, literally, I still hoped for a chance of victory.

"Any threes?"The King asked. I begrudgingly placed my cards of that number into the pool. He chuckled, and continued his prolonged term."Any twos?"

"Fuck."I cursed, placing those in the pile as well.

"Hmm...any kings?"

"Go fish."I smirked, to which the King only drew a card from the deck and allowed me to start my turn.

"Any...queens?"

"..."He silently placed a single card into the pool that mostly consisted of my own cards. Yes! One down, seven more to go for me to win.

"Alright..."I tried to think of something else he might have."Got any fives?"

Three more of his cards went into the pile.

"Uhhn....twos?"

A single card. He only had four left, while I had three remaining. C'mon Oddjob, ride out the luck.

"...Ones?"

He shook his head, and I drew another card, signaling the King's turn. For the briefest of moments, I could see Lady Luck's horn flash green, only for it to die down a millisecond later, just as fast as it had appeared. Did she just use magic? I looked at her and the King, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except his hand looked slightly...bigger. When did he get more cards?

"Any jacks?"

With a sigh, two more of my jacks went into the pile, leaving me with one card. Okay, I was sweating a bit now, or at least the parts of my body that could sweat were. I had only one card left, and I had to hold onto it.

"Fours?"

I shook my head with a relieved grin.

"Any..."Before I even spoke, that flash again. The King definitely had more cards, and the pile looked bigger. All of a sudden, I felt dizzy. What...what was she doing? My head felt funny. She was using magic, but what kind? I thought to her name and cutie mark, and the thought hit me like a sledgehammer. She was using luck magic, if that was entirely possible. She had been stacking the odds in favor of her precious King. Not on my watch, sister. I looked at her, and our eyes met. I allowed my mouth to slightly open with a growl, revealing rows of sharp fangs that still glistened with my green blood, and her irises shrank a little.

"Any ones?"I asked, and three cards of his went into the pile. The King was down to...eight cards? man, I had to work fast.

"...Sixes?"

Three more into the pile.

"Ones?"

Two of his down. The King's glance shifted from to his woman, giving her an icy stare before going back to the game. She feared him much more than she did me, and her magic activated once more. The King's cards went right back up to five being held, while I still had one.

There must've been something I could, outside of cheating that is. As I switched between staring at the King, Lady Luck, my dealt hand of a single card, and the two beaten friends beside me, my head was reeling. The dizziness intensified, and the room around me seemed to distort.

I felt like shit. I felt chaotic.

At the sound of the word, I snapped back into reality. Where was I again? Oh yeah, playing the biggest kingpin in Equestria over a child's game that risked me and my friend's lives. No biggie.

"Any..."I paused as I contemplated by next move. I looked up, the King having an incredibly smug smirk set across his face, already a victory cigar in his jaw. He puffed it out in little smoke ringlets.

"Any kings?"

A small pause, and the pegasus placed all five of his cards into the pile, leaving him with no hand, and thus, no victory.

I won.

"Err...good game."I chuckled, the feeling inside my chest instantly lightening. But around us, things went the exact opposite. Brutus and Lady luck slowly stepped away from the King, his entire form shaking and seething with absolute rage. The clouds that made up the room around us began to blacken, and I could hear a crash of thunder in the distance.

"Nobody beats the King."He stood up, knocking the table aside, sending cards flying through the air between us.

"Nobody."

A Battle in Canterlot Castle, Part One

"So is there any plan...at all? Like, are we just going to wing everything and hope it works out?"

"Eeyup."

"I for one do not find this fun."

"We agree most heartily with the zebra."

I allowed a heavy palm to smack audibly against my face, shaking my head in disappointment with Alamo Wall. "Okay...first...first of all, you're stupid."

"Yer stupider." He replied with narrowed eyes.

We all had settled ourselves down on a park bench that had decided to remain pretty normal while the world around us pretty much screwed with every law of physics that existed. Grief had disappeared, and presumably ran back to the castle. Couldn't blame her, I too would run away if an albino mutt that spoke with multiple voices coming out of his throat knocked a friend of mine unconscious. I had dragged Bereft away from a majority of the chaos wreaking around us, and he was taking a nice snooze in a bush that grew jellybeans. He'd wake up to a treat, if he wouldn't mind the various wounds inflicted upon him, courtesy of Legion.

"...'Stupider' isn't even a word." I retorted.

"Yes it is. It came outta mah mouth, didn't it?"

"You wanna join Bereft in the jellybean bush?!"

"You wanna go a coupla rounds?! Specifically, the rounds in my gun?!"

"Silence!" Zola's shout deadened our tempers, and the two of us grumbled as we sat back down on the bench. She sighed and blew away a string of dreads that had fallen over her face. "Now, words we must not mince. A plan must be made forth-hence."

"Well..." I began, scratching my head, the wound from before closing up and the green blood drying. "The only thing that can really stop Discord is...the elements of harmony."

"Too bad them there bearers are nowhere to be seen..." Alamo shrugged.

"No...I think all of Equestria knows that Discord is back. His magic is spreading again."

"So...they'll be here soon?"

"We can only hope." I gulped. I studied the situation and the outlook of the future in my head, and the scenario did not play well, no matter how many times I rewound it and went over the details. The Mane Six could see Canterlot from Ponyville, but could they see the state its in? Hopefully news about a capital city falling would spread fast. And what about Discord and his little minions? We could probably handle the underlings, every one of us present can handle ourselves in a fight, but that left the biggest problem of them all...an invincible chaos god that not even Celestia or Luna could best without the elements at their disposal.

The problem only thickened there. What about the elements? Discord was smart, almost like a chessmaster with his games. Just like in the season two premiere, he probably did away with the elements and hid them, so beating him would be near impossible. The best...the best that we could do was stall him. We weren't the main characters here, Twilight Sparkle and her friends were. All we can do is hope the good ol trope that 'good guys always wins in the end' is still in play here.

I stood up and took in a deep breath, readying myself for what laid ahead. I motioned at the others to stand up with a wave of my paw. "C'mon guys, I think I have an idea on what to do."

Before we could continue walking, Legion briskly stepped in front of me, halting our approach.

"Wait." The many spoke, holding out a paw to keep me from walking. I raised an eyebrow at Legion's sudden change in disposition, if he even had one. The same, cold stare still emitted from those glassy white eyes.

"What is it? We kinda have to save Equestria right now." I emphasized on the importance of my sentence by bulging my eyes for a hurried look and adding enunciation on the word 'save'.

"We cannot just follow you blindly, Oddjob. The pack must have a leader, an Alpha."

I paused to consider my words carefully, then belted out a nasty growl into my voice. "Oh my god, you're not bringing this into play, are you? We don't need a leader...I can understand that you dog types need somebody to follow, to call an alpha, but just ignore your instincts for a few hours. Just a few fucking hours. I'm stressed, you're probably stressed but I can't tell because you have that whole freaky 'no emotion' thing going on, Zola's stressed, and I'm sure as fuck that Alamo's stressed 'cause he's putting away that whiskey like there's no tomorrow."

"Whuh?" Alamo briefly looked up from his jar of alcohol, the liquid dribbling down his chin.

"So please, please, please, just shut up and go with us, or stay behind and dig a hole, bury a bone, or eat your own crap, I don't care." I rubbed my temples. "Legion, I'm grateful that you saved me. It's just...I didn't want to get wrapped up in all this. But I partly feel responsible...so I have to fix it."

"..."

"Whoah." Zola stated with no hint of any future rhyme in her voice.

"We only wished to say..." Legion paused for the voices within to converse.

"He insulted us!" Fenrir shouted amidst the sea of souls in his head.

"And for good reason, you wanted to take control of the group." Siria stood as the voice of reason for the pack.

"It would be for the best...Oddjob is a mere pup in experience."

"Yes, but he's had more dealings with the Chaotic One. We can't boast that."

"But nothing, Fenrir. The pack agrees with Oddjob."

"..."

"We...would be honored to follow you, Alpha Oddjob."

"...Oh."

Legion nodded. "Your title is only temporary, but for now, you have Fenrir Pack at your command."

"Who's Fenrir Pack?" The auburn cowpony questioned. I chuckled at him. "No...seriously. This fella just pops out of nowhere and we know nuthin' 'bout him. Ah want some backstory answered!"

"You'll get it later." I waved at him, beginning to walk once more down the road. With a sigh, Alamo trotted beside me with his revolver loaded and ready to fire. Zola pulled a long, whippet-thin branch from a nearby tree, twirling it carefully as she took her place beside Alamo. Legion unsheathed his claws and bared his fangs, walking on all fours beside her. For a moment, I felt pretty bad-ass. Alpha Oddjob, huh? I could get used to the title.

Our sights turned to Canterlot Castle, and what laid within.

Grief hurried into the throne room as fast as her legs could take her, nearly falling over herself as she gasped for air in her mad dash. She fell before Discord on his throne, mostly out of exhaustion instead of reverent bowing.

"Evening, Grief! Or is it morning? I can never keep track of time." The chaotic being chuckled at her appearance, giving a slight wave with his eagle hand, flourishing a sandwich out of thin air in the other. He promptly took a large bite out of it, swallowing with a most cartoonish lump traveling down his long throat.

She stood up, chest heaving and eyes wide as her words gushed out over one another, her arms frantically waving about.

Discord raised one of his furry eyebrows at her. "Is this a game? Ooh, I love charades! Okay, lemme guess. You're...a firepony! An astronaut! Somebody who doesn't get enough sleep!"

"I...I'm trying to..."

"Is it a griffin? You're a griffin! No, that can't be it..."

"Please..."

"Muh. You win Grief, I couldn't figure out what you were trying to charade!" He clapped his hands gleefully.

"Discord...trouble...Bereft...Oddjob."

He perked up considerably at the last word. "Oddjob? Hmm...can't say I no anypony by that name. Now Dismay, that's who I think you're trying to say."

"No...Oddjob...Bereft was knocked out. They're coming to the castle..."

"So?" He shrugged and reclined in the throne that once belonged to the sun goddess.

"So...aren't you going to do anything?"

"Nah, there's nothing to worry about!" The draconequus let out more of low, evil laugh now, sending a chill down Grief's spine. Why had she ever clicked 'yes' on that email?

"If the chaos doesn't keep them busy..." His eyes shuffled to a corner of the throne room, a figure moving away into the shadows just as quickly. "Then our friend here will..."

--Sequel--

What's that you say? You want more?

>SHAZAM!<