Everypony In This Town Is Crazy OR 'A shallow study on the mind of a fandom' OR 'When will you learn?!'

by Lucefudu

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Original Character, Spike, Comedy
Length: 2287

A fanfiction parody.

Ever noticed how almost nopony knows how to properly discern between tracks and favorites?

Critical acclaims:

guardy:

Holy shit this is meta.....so very meta....

Tracked!

Published 2012-03-20 17:44:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-20 17:44:02 UTC

Story

TAK TAK TAK

It’s almost complete, my masterpiece at fanfiction!

TAK TAK TAK TAK

Damn, it’s really hard to type with hooves.

TAK TAK TAK TAK TAK

I wonder how faster I can type if I use my magic instead of my hooves.

Twilight Sparkle furrowed her brows as her horn was enveloped by a lavender veil, glimmering faintly in the pitch-black basement of the library.

TAK TAK TAK TAK TAK TAK TAK TAK TAK TAK

Oh, it's working! Now I'll just have to take it slow and—

TAKTAKTAKTAKTAKTAKTAKTAKTAKTAKTAKTAK

"Gah!" Twilight yelped, as a magical surge burst forth from her horn and tore the minuscule keys off of her keyboard. The little plastic squared sprayed loudly over the basement floor, prompting her to wince at the sudden noise. She hoped against hope that the custom emerald burrito Spike had eaten was enough to turn his usually light sleep into a deep, loud-snoring slumber.

"Hey Twilight! What's all that noise downstairs?"

No such luck would befall our favorite purple unicorn, it seems.

As Twilight heard the faint footsteps of Spike walking down the big basement staircase she tried to minimize her browser. In her panic however, she failed to grasp the round mouse with her hooves and dropped it to onto the floor, something that alerted the baby dragon further.

"Jeez Twilight, just look at all this mess," Spike said as he walked around wearily rubbing the sleep off his eyes. "You didn't use that 'Come To Life' spell on the computer, did you?" he asked, looking at her askance before bending to gather the scattered keys.

"Of course not, Spike... why would I—"

"Because you remember what happened last time, don't you?" he asked, cutting her short and arching one of his eyebrows. Twilight refrained from answering the baby dragon; all she could do now was smile sheepishly at him as she used her body to cover his view of the monitor.

"Oh, no no no no no. You see, I just—"

"Because I won't clean up the mess that thing does when it starts spitting those round, rainbow-y things!" he said, folding his arms and closing his eyes as Twilight levitated the remaining keys from the floor.

"Really, Spike?" she said, sitting on the floor and giving him an annoyed glance. "That rainbow-y thing is called a compact disc."

"I don't care what it's called! My forehead is still sore from that day. And besides—" Spike's train of thought completely derailed as he caught a glimpse of her monitor screen. A sly smile formed on his face as his eyes widened in disbelief. Twilight acknowledged the sudden shift in his expression and got up, trying in vain to cover the monitor once more. She blushed as his laughter picked up into a hearty guffaw.

When Spike managed to regain control of his breathing, he rushed to her side and shoved her away. Twilight yelped in protest as she was pushed aside, but her shame was more than enough to render her motor functions impaired for the time being. The fact that the little dragon was now reading the letters in front of him out loud made it all feel even worse.

"HiSFiction.net... Of Hands and Feet... by DusklightGlimmer..." Spike turned to her with a mischievous grin on his face. "Don't tell me you're writing fanfictions about that Humanity is Science show."

"Spike! That is none of your business!" she said, stomping her hoof on the floor, as if it would help her point get through. "Besides, Humanity is Science is a deeply intricate show about these bipedal, intelligent apes, who invent the most wonderful machinations us Equestrians could ever dream of. Their show is based on the mottoes of rationalize and improve, something that our unprejudiced, easygoing society has apparently forgotten." Twilight finished her point by striking an intellectual pose, placing one forehoof on her chest as she sighed dreamily.

"So... you're a sister?"

"Spike! Nopony's supposed to kn—"

"A closet sister then," he said, rubbing his chin. Twilight silently pleaded with him; she knew that the show in question was frowned upon by Equestrian society for being overly objectivist, which meant that she would be labeled and treated as a freak if word ever got out.

Spike, noticing her distress, placed a claw on her shoulder and smiled amiably. "Hey, I'm not a bro myself, but I heard a lot about that show and its hype," Spike said, moving away from Twilight and climbing the stairs. "Just try to be more quiet, please? There is a dragon here who is trying to sleep."

Twilight nodded and smiled at the dragon was he went up the stairs. Once he closed the door behind him, her expression turned into one of derision. She whipped around, facing the computer screen and began to insert the keys back into her keyboard, doing a mocking imitation of Spike's voice all the while.

* * *

TAK TAK TAK TAK

"Annddddd.... It's finished!"

TAK

With the last, triumphant hit of the key, her story was completed. She took a few moments to admire the work that now stood before her. It was glorious. She pressed the button and sent it to the moderation team, without fear that it would certainly be approved and it would feature on the top 5 stories on the site, that were displayed inside a big black thing that the show HiS called iPad.

Now... she would just have to wait.

* * *

"Ugh! This is so boring!" Twilight exclaimed as she kept her gaze fixed on the page. Something caught her attention and Twilight's eyes widened when a small white box with a blue writing popped up on the lower corner of her screen:

1 new notification

"Oh! My first notification!" she excitedly yelped, clicking on the blue text on the small message. "I'll bet that it is a big comment analyzing every intricate aspect of my fanfi—"

Lyrical <3 BB is tracking Of Hands and Feet

"WHAT?!" Twilight asked incredulously, gesticulating at the monitor with both her forehooves. "What is that foal doing? The story is already completed... WAIT!" To Twilight this could possibly mean one thing; she forgot to change the status of her story to Completed. "Oh no... oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no!" she mumbled incessantly as she paced around the basement fervently.

It's fine Twilight, it will all be fine; nopony will notic—

It's not fine! My fanfiction is a masterpiece, it will bring too much attention... and soon, guardy or Bigfootlah or even Aviaron will take notice that my story is bogus! GASP My story will be removed and I'll be banned! Banned!

Keep it together, Twilight! We can do this! You just have to keep. It. Together!

Fine, fine... what do I do? What do I do?!

Just calm down... first click on the Stories icon on your user taskbar.

With a shaking hoof, Twilight brought the mouse cursor over the aforementioned icon and clicked. The tension was unbearable; the exact 0.018 seconds the page took to generate felt like millions of years to the lavender unicorn. She cleaned the sweat of her brow with a hoof.

Okay, what do I do now?

Select your story from the list! It should be easy; this is our first fanfiction, after all.

Twilight saw her story, sitting on the top spot of her nearly-empty story list; a green tick stood on its left, signaling the story had already passed the moderation team. CLICK

Okay, Twilight this next step is crucial. I need you to focus!

Right... focus!

Twilight took in a few breaths and rolled her head around her neck, soothing her tense muscles.

Now, you need to find and click on the Edit button.

Okay, I can do this! I can do this!

Twilight slowly moved her cursor, leaving it centered over the Edit button.

I can do this! I can do this! I can d—

2 new notifications

"GAH!" Twilight cried. In her panicked state, her mouse moved over and she clicked on the Delete button. "OH NO! MY MASTERPIECE!" Twilight said, blocking the sight with both her forehooves.

It's over... my story... is done for... she thought as tears formed into her eyes. So many days lost... so many Pinkie Parties forgotten... Twilight began to sob loudly, knowing that the epitome of her life was now lost amidst data heaven.

Hearing all the crying and sniffing down below, Spike walked up once more to save her day.

"Hold your horses, Twilight!" he said, tapping the unicorn's shoulder lightly. "What's wrong?"

"WHAT'S WRONG?!" Twilight said before turning and smacking his claw away from her with her forehoof, "THAT's WHAT'S WRONG!" she said, gesturing the dragon to take a look at the monitor. "I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED MY STORY; NOW NOPONY WILL BE ABLE TO READ MY GLORIOUS WORK OF ART!"

Spike just faceclawed and pointed with a finger towards the monitor. Twilight looked at him in complete disbelief for a few moments, before turning her gaze towards the monitor. There, in plain Equestrian, stood a message.

Are you absolutely 100% sure you want to delete this story? It is completely unrecoverable so please think carefully when using this option.

Giving Spike a sheepish smile, Twilight quickly clicked on the button on her browser that brought her back to her story's page. The baby dragon muttered something angrily, but Twilight didn't pay attention to him; she still had a task at hoof.

Okay... now, where is that story status...

The mare scrolled down the page, fervently looking for what she needed. Her eyes widened when she found it. There... standing next to the On Hiatus option... stood...

Completed

"WHAT?!" Twilight's mind was a maelstrom. "No, no! This isn't possible. I correctly tagged my story to Completed, then why did that pony track it instead of favouriting it?"

3 new notifications

Twilight completely forgot about that issue and smiled a bit, clicking the small blue text.

Bomb-On <3 Lyla is tracking Of Hands and Feet

Ø¢†äViä is tracking Of Hands and Feet

xXxTrixi3_4licornxXx is tracking Of Hands and Feet

"Wha—I—eh—" Twilight looked at her monitor wearily, "Can't they see the small star right next to the story's name?!" Twilight muttered to herself in disbelief and checked her story, to see if there was something wrong with it.

Of Hands and Feet by DusklightGlimmer

Nope, the star was there, as clear as day. Then the mystery remained; why did the ponies keep tracking her stories instead of adding it to their favorites? If they cared enough about the story to track it, they could favourite it just as easily. Twilight couldn't help but think about the ponies who set up the website. Such intricate work must've been put into it; but nopony except for herself seemed to know just how to best use the tools the website provided.

6 new notifications

Twilight blinked at this; she already was on the Notifications page. Why weren't these new notifications showing? Nonetheless, she pressed the P5 key on her keyboard and the page refreshed itself.

xXxTrixi3_4licornxXx commented on your story Of Hands and Feet

xXxTrixi3_4licornxXx is tracking Of Hands and Feet

xXxTrixi3_4licornxXx is tracking Of Hands and Feet

xXxTrixi3_4licornxXx is tracking Of Hands and Feet

xXxTrixi3_4licornxXx is tracking Of Hands and Feet

xXxTrixi3_4licornxXx is tracking Of Hands and Feet

Twilight yelped in excitement, "My first comment! Oh, I hope somepony posted a good review of my story... or maybe a very detailed criticism... this is so exciting, EEEEE!" Twilight disregarded the 5 repeated messages of the same pony tracking her story and quickly clicked on the comment link; taking her straight to it.

this sucxs wurse than dat meat loaf fanfic, U MAD?!?!?/1 :trollfaec:

"Bucking parasprites..."

* * *

After a few more minutes of pressing P5, Twilight merely groaned at the huge amount of ponies tracking her already-completed story. She had only one comment from that obvious parasprite; which the merely replied:

Obvious parasprite is obvious.

How could anypony not like her story? She thought about it so much and she didn't even get a good comment. And since it was a one-shot; she wouldn't be able to post a second chapter to bring forth more attention. She thought about adding a new chapter called Epilogue with just a few sappy words of how everything turned out. But Twilight refrained from doing so out of fear that her story would be ruined with it and fear that one of the mods would probably see it as spam and have the whole story removed.

Her eyes lazily moved to the inferior corner of the screen.

1 new notification

"I swear in the name of Celestia... if this is another..."

Red_Copper < / 3 favourited Of Hands and Feet

"Oh, finally; somepony who actually knows how to use the website's proper functions. I mean; how hard could it—"

1 new notification

"He commented... somepony actually commented on my fanfiction!" she yelled in exasperation as she quickly hit her P5 key and the browser's page refreshed once more.

Red_Copper < / 3 is tracking Of Hands and Feet

"UGHHH!" Twilight groaned before teleporting out from her basement.

This was written as a homage to all those brave ponies that went to HiSFiction.net and never, not even once, properly used the website's tools. Because a life full of writing, showing vs. telling and reading must really keep your brains going. May their synapses-filled neurons rest in peace.