Author's Note
In case you somehow missed the description, I'm telling you now that you should not read this story. It almost completely lacks any form of emotion, personality, or entertainment. There really is nothing of interest to be found here. Go read a different story.
The only reason I even submitted this is because I'm determined to write a story every week for the Equestria Dailiy Writer's Training Ground. This story is based on prompt #005, which simply says the story needs to revolve around Discord.
In case it wasn't clear, I'm very unhappy with how this story turned out, but it's too late for me to do anything about it.
Find something else to read.
The Whole Story
The sun streamed lazily through the window and birds perched on their branches, chirping their mid-morning melodies. Discord peeled the pink, frilly sleep mask from his face and threw it aside, where it transformed into a fuzzy pink bat and flew off to the darkest corner of the room. He threw his arms out to his sides and arched his back, letting loose a dozen or so good cracks and giving a huge yawn. When he finished stretching he looked out the window for a moment and was not pleased with how peaceful everything looked. After a quick glance at his door to make sure there weren’t any royal guards or princesses watching, he snapped his talons and the birds started pelting out ear-shattering shrieks rather than soothing melodies. The new, chaotic sound proved to be quite soothing, at least, to him. He doubted that any ponies would think so. While admiring his work he idly took a bite out of his bedsheet. Knowing, the previous night, that he’d want pancakes for breakfast, he’d made his bed out of a stack of humongous pancakes. They were nice and fluffy.
His chewing slowed and came to a stop as he realized something wasn’t quite right. Something was missing. After a moment of thought, he said to himself, “Ah, yes!” and then then a pitcher of syrup appeared in his hoof. When he enjoyed a bite of syrupy pancake-bed, though, the feeling was still there. He found it rather unsettling, and he made up his mind to determine what the problem was before he continued eating. Leaving the syrup pitcher floating in mid-air, the draconequus threw off his pancake covers and tried to stand up. However, instead of finding himself upright and ready to solve a mystery, he found himself sprawled on the floor with a little bit of a headache. He had, however, solved the mystery nonetheless.
“Oh, poo,” he groaned, looking at the space where his dragon-leg used to be.
* * *
Discord approached the main doors to the throne room. He walked with a bit of a limp for in place of one of his legs there was a very disgruntled royal guard immobilized by rope and attached to the Lord of Chaos’s torso. With every other step, the guard’s horn left a small mark in the carpet.
When he reached the doors, the chimera opened them with a single touch, causing them to spin like a revolving door, which is quite different from how the doors in the royal palace are meant to behave. As soon as she saw this, Celestia, who was seated upon her throne, ready to hold court with any of her citizens, rolled her eyes and sighed.
“Discord. Wh--” she cut herself off from surprise when she saw her visitor’s new leg. “Release that pony at once!” she commanded.
“Do calm down, Celly,” he dismissed her with a wave of his claw. “I’m only borrowing him until I find a more suitable replacement.” But in response he only received a stern glare from the princess. He crossed his arms and stood defiantly for a few seconds, but when Celestia’s glare didn’t lessen, he relented. “Fine,” he muttered. The ropes around the guard vanished into thin air with a little poof sound, and the guard flailed his legs, trying to right himself as he was magically detached from his carrier’s torso. He flopped onto his side, quickly stood back up and bowed to the princess before rushing out of the room to save himself from any more embarrassment. Discord hadn’t really needed the guard anyway and instead chose to just float a few noses off the ground. “You really have a way of taking the fun out of things.”
“I’d appreciate it if you refrained from bothering the castle staff in the future,” Celestia began diplomatically.
“Well… I can’t make any promises. Some ponies think my mere presence is bothersome!” as he shrugged his tail slithered over to another guard and tickled his nose, forcing him to sneeze.
Knowing she’d get nowhere with trying to control Discord, Celestia decided it would be best to do whatever she needed to do to get him to leave.
“Where’s your leg?” she asked. To this, Discord gave a broad smile.
“Ah, that is exactly why I’ve come to see you,” he said as he floated up behind the princess. “You’ve always been so good at knowing when somepony is in need.” He floated around to face her directly. “I suppose that’s why you’re the princess,” he remarked idly while slowly doing a somersault in mid-air, poking her crown as he said princess. “Anyway, as you so impressively observed, my poor leg has gone and gotten itself lost. I’m afraid it has a bit of a mind of its own.” He demonstrated this by removing his other leg and having it trot around the throne room. “And sometimes it decides it would be best to wander off. You see, I don’t think it’s ever been quite as fond of me as I am of it, and sometimes it needs a little time to itself. Now, why anypony would want to be separated from my company I have absolutely no idea.” He pondered as he lowered himself onto Luna’s vacant throne. “Alas, it has gone, and I fear for it’s safety. You never know what could happen to a lost, lonely leg in the harsh world of Equestria.” He stretched himself out in a mock-faint to show just how concerned he was.
Celestia watched all this with well-concealed annoyance. “And how, exactly, do you think I could help you?”
“Why, you can help me look for it, of course!”
“You want me to go search all of Equestria to find a leg that you yourself failed to keep track of?”
“Well, maybe not you, personally. Perhaps send some guards. You seem to have plenty, and they don’t do anything but stand around all day. They could probably use some exercise.”
“My guards are not in need of exercise. Are you implying something?”
“Of course not!” he scoffed. “I was just letting my mind wander.” He suddenly flew towards the ceiling and grabbed his brain, which was floating away. “Oops!” he said, floating back towards the princess. “Wouldn’t want that getting away too, now would we?” he smiled.
“No, I don’t think we would,” Celestia concurred.
“So, as to the little conundrum of where to find my leg, do you think you might be able to spare just a few of your servants to aid me on my danger-filled quest through all the land, both known and unknown, tame and savage, peaceful and deadly?”
“I’m not sure that’s necessary. Why don’t you spend a little more time looking around nearby before you set out on a grand adventure. It couldn’t have gone too far since you saw it last.”
“Hmm, my legs never were particularly fast, now that you mention it.” He thought for a few seconds. “I think you may be right, Celestia. I’ll look for a little while by myself and see if I can’t track it down.”
Celestia smiled. “And I’ll let everypony know to keep an eye out for an unaccompanied dragon leg wandering the streets.”
“Why, thank you! You really are too kind.” With a pleasant wave farewell, Discord blinked out of existence and reappeared in his room. “Now, then… if I were my leg, where would I have gone?” he wondered, stroking his beard. He supposed that he should begin his search where he last remembered having a leg, which was when he’d gotten into his pancake bed the previous night. After that he could search the castle grounds for any traces of dragon footprints, and then ask around in Canterlot to find out if anyone had noticed any stray legs around town. Hopefully somepony would mention that they’d spotted it hopping out of the main gate and making its way towards the Smokey Mountain, or the Everfree Forest, or maybe even the Frozen North! Then he’d have no choice but to embark on an epic journey in order to save his poor, defenseless leg from the horrible creatures that lurked in the wilderness. He rubbed his hands together with giddiness at just the thought of escaping from his dull, remarkably unchaotic life in the castle.
But then he noticed a small movement in the corner of his eye. Something was in his pancake bed! When he drew closer to take a look, his face fell. A single dragon toe was sticking out from underneath a pancake, and the rest of his leg was undoubtedly attached to it. He was severely disappointed to find that his leg had simply been in bed the whole time. With a sigh, he pulled it out from under its cover and reattached it to his body. He wriggled his toes and hopped on one leg to make sure everything was working alright, then he flopped onto his pancake bed.
“Oh, what is a draconequus to do on a day as peaceful and boring as this?” he moaned.
“It’s quite simple, really.” Discord’s shoulder devil had appeared in a cloud of black smoke, as he was in the habit of doing. He was a miniature version of Discord with red horns and a pitchford, as well as a large, sinister looking curly black moustache. “Celestia and these pony-folk have stopped you from enjoying chaos for far too long. Isn’t it about time that we get rid of them?”
A small poof and a burst of heavenly choir indicated that Discord’s shoulder angel had arrived. He wore a white robe and a halo was attached to his head with a thin wire. “Now, now. Let’s not be too hasty,” he warned. “You know Fluttershy would never forgive you if you hurt anypony.”
“You’re absolutely right,” agreed the devil. “But why does it matter? It’s true that Fluttershy is your friend, and that she probably wouldn’t be if you started doing tons of awesome chaos stuff, but what’s the point of having friends if all they do is stop you from being yourself?”
“Because Firendship is Magic, obviously!” the angel retorted. Unfortunately, Discord did not find that to be a very convincing argument, so he waved away his two shoulder advisors and sat up. He was feeling a little blue and he hadn’t entirely made up his mind on how he would entertain himself for the rest of the day. Figuring he had nothing better to do, he left his room and captured the palace by teleporting everypony outside and then putting up a magical barrier around the entire building.
Without the Elements of Harmony, ponykind had no way of stopping him, so he took over all of Equestria and ruled it in a state of unimaginable chaos.
Pretty soon after he had established his rule and he was free once more to wreak chaos however he desired, he began to cheer up, and he wondered why he hadn’t done all of this as soon as Twilight and her friends gave away the Elements. He couldn’t think of any good reasons, but it didn’t matter anyway. All that mattered was that he was having a grand old time bringing disorder and unrest to all the land.
He had always liked stories with happy endings.
