Smarty Pants The All Knowing?
It's a fool-proof plan I tell you!
Author's Note
This is what happens when I get writers block for my other story.
Do with that as you will.
It's a fool-proof plan I tell you!
“Why can’t I remember where I put it!?” Twilight exclaimed, standing amidst the now book-strewn floor of her library. The ungodly amount of reading material looking all too much like the toppled ruins of some city in which Twilight was a monstrosity of terrifyingly purple proportions.
“Twilight, I don’t think looking behind every book in the library is going to get us any closer to finding your…what is it we’re looking for again?” Spike said, popping up from underneath a heap of literature, dreading the fact the he would be cleaning this all up himself.
“Spike! We’re looking for my old baby blanket, remember!?” Twilight said with a huff, eyeing the baby dragon with a look of annoyance before tossing the last two books out of the bookshelf in her frantic search for her “blankie”
“Yeah…right.” He deadpanned, eyes hooded.
“When Cadance was talking about foals just before she left the other day, it brought up some very nostalgic memories of my baby blanket, and I must find it! I’m very sentimental you know.” She stated, pushing her way through the ocean of books towards her staircase.
“Mmhmm…” Spike grumbled, grabbing onto one of Twilight’s wings and hauling himself out of the mess of reading material, sitting down on her back as she trudged through the snowdrifts of paper and binding.
“I remember having it last week! It was folded up all nice and neat on my bed; I always wash it separately you see, it keeps the colors from running or something of the sort!” Twilight stated, ruffling her wings as she and her passenger began their climb up the stairs.
“Yeah, I remember.” Spike said, eyes still hooded at the fact he would be the one who would be cleaning up Twilight’s mess and putting all the books that now covered the library floor, back in their shelves.
“I just can’t seem to remember what I did with it after that, I think I brought it downstairs, but I also seem to remember bringing it back up here…” Twilight said, tapping a hoof on her chin as she reached the top of the stairs, carefully surveying the room before her like an eagle searching for prey.
Silently, Twilight made her was over to the middle of her bedroom and stood in front of the bed, staring at it intently for a moment, her expression slowly growing from thoughtful to annoyed, finally becoming a glare that would make a cockatrice cry.
“PONYFEATHERS!” She shouted, rather suddenly and without warning, Rearing back in her fit and sending spike flying into the bookshelf behind them. Impacting with a “thwunk!” and then hitting the ground, slumping down with a look on his face that portrayed a mixture of annoyance and exhaustion with the situation.
His impact shook the bookcase enough that another foalhood treasure of Twilight’s fell off the top shelf and into his lap. The small, grey, raggedy looking doll named “Smarty Pants.”
“Huh? OH, Spike!” Twilight’s eyes widened upon realizing the baby dragon was now on the floor, holding Smarty Pants in his lap. “What are you doing with Smarty Pants?” She asked, eyebrow raised and apparently totally unaware that she had just launched the dragon into a bookshelf.
Spike simply stared back with a look of annoyance that Twilight didn’t even see, as she had already turned away and gone to rummaging through more of her things.
“Twilight…” He asked, unintentionally staring at the rear end of the purple Alicorn as she began crawling under a desk, as if maybe the blanket had decided it would just go and hide back there. “Do you think maybe, you’re obsessing over this just a bit…much?” He asked, standing up and holding Smarty Pants in the crook of his arm.
“What?” She tried to stand and smacked her head on the desk, letting out a yelp before slowly recomposing herself and backing out to look at Spike.
“Obsessing?!” Twilight let out a laugh of amusement, the kind of laugh an elder gave a child when the child said something silly. “Oh, Spike. This isn’t obsession, this is dedication!” She gave a light smile as she finished, almost instantly turning to stick her head underneath her bed.
“That’s what you said about all the newspaper clippings and pictures of Starswirl The Bearded you have tacked to the inside of the closet…” He mumbled, slinging Smarty Pants over his shoulder and walking over to Twilight, who was working on turning herself around to look at the underside of the bed.
Because we all know blankets are stored on the bottom side if the mattress for safekeeping.
With his all too commonly used “hooded eye” look, Spike patiently awaited Twilight to give up searching under her bed, silently beginning to count down to himself.
“Three…”
“Two…”
“One…”
“Spike, I don’t think it’s under here!” Twilight called, to which the dragon gave himself a pat on the back and a smirk, a tad impressed with himself for such impeccable counting-down skills.
“It’s too bad Smarty Pants can’t tell us, I bet she’d know…always sitting up on that shelf and all.” Spike said with a sigh, staring at the limp doll he held in his claw.
There was another “thunk!” As Twilight smacked her head yet again, this time on the underside of the bed, frantically trying to get her head out from under the bed like a dog with its head stuck in a box of crackers.
Eventually, however, Twilight managed to free herself, shaking her head for a moment and getting her bearings before looking over at Spike with a quizzical look on her face, her mane now thoroughly rustled and messy from her under-bed spelunking.
“What did you say?” She asked.
“Uh…what?” Spike replied, taking note of the slightly insane look Twilight was now sporting.
“You just said something…what was it?”
“Uh…I just said that it’s too bad Smarty Pants can’t talk to us…she’d probably-“ Spike was interrupted by a purple hoof on either side of his face, squashing his cheeks together and making it look like he was making a fish face.
“Spike, you’re a genius!” She exclaimed, squashing his cheeks a bit more and fluttering her wings excitedly.
“I...am?” He let out through squashed lips.
“I know how to find out where my blanket is!” Twilight said, practically bouncing and that familiar look of “mad scientist” showing, something that Spike was usually the only one to pick up on, and that look only meant one thing.
Trouble.
“How…?” Spike said, drawing the word out slowly as he looked Twilight up and down with uncertainty.
“It’s easy! All we have to do is bring Smarty Pants to life, and she can tell us where my blanket is!” Twilight said, as if this idea would be easy and as if it would end well in any shape or form.
Spike stared blankly back at her, this was a new brand of crazy.
“You’re not serious…” He said, praying that she wasn’t.
Twilight let out a huff and released Spike, stomping her hoof a bit. “Spike, yes I’m serious! This’ll be easy!”
“Twilight…this is a bad idea, remember when you tried to bring that book to life?” Spike warned, staring at Twilight with a somber look.
“That was different.” She said quickly.
“You gave life to one of your clop books and it tried to “Intercourse” with me, is what I believe it was screaming…” He said with a shudder, trying not to think about the terribly mentally scarring memory.
“It wasn’t mine! R-rarity left it here, I told you that! A-and I didn’t know it was that kind of book!” She said with a stomp of her hoof, cheeks lighting up like red neon signs.
“Mmhmm.” He said as Twilight snatched Smarty Pants from his claws, trotting away so she didn’t have to look him in the eyes.
“This will work, I know it will!” She insisted, setting Smarty Pants on the bed and stepping back up against the bookcase. “Smarty Pants sits up on that bookshelf all day pretty much every day, so I’m sure she’ll know! It’s a fool-proof plan!” She stated with a triumphant laugh, striking a rather heroic and triumphant pose before turning her gaze back to Spike.
“You uh…might wanna step back.” She said, to which Spike nodded and zipped over to her side with a whimper, praying to himself she wouldn’t hit the bed instead of Smarty-Pants. The last thing he wanted was to be chased around by an animated bed.
“This is a bad idea…” He groaned, covering his eyes and looking away as a bright purple light enveloped Twilight’s horn, casting bright rays of light out onto the room, a moment later the light became a beam and it fired straight at Smarty Pants.
For all the power and force the beam appeared to have, all it did to the doll was simply knock it over.
Smarty Pants was still as a stone on the bed, as a doll should be. It laid limp on its side and lifeless, staring up at the ceiling with emotionless button eyes.
“How did that not work?” Twilight said to herself after a moment, slowly trotting over to the doll, not remembering that the spell took a few seconds to take action.
Spike however, did remember.
“Twilight, wait!” He cried, but it was too late.
Smarty Pants convulsed limbs, body and head all oscillating rapidly as they glowed purple. Twilight let out a yelp of shock and jumped back as Smarty Pants began to grow larger, becoming more and more akin to an actual pony rather than a stuffed doll.
The expressions of the two onlookers were mixed. Twilight on one hoof, wore a look of awe, pride, and excitement. Her idea was
working, and beautifully at that! Even now she could see Smarty Pants’ chest begin to rise softly as she took her first breaths.
Spike, however, wore a look of surprise, terror and that look he would get when he knew full well this wasn’t going to end well.
By now, Smarty Pants was a little under Twilight’s size, and she laid on the bed motionless but alive. Her eyes were still buttons, her smile was still stitches, and essentially she was just an enlarged and more life-like version of what she had previously been.
It was utterly terrifying, the type of abomination one would fear about crawling rapidly towards them in the middle of the night whilst screaming ghoulishly.
Twilight didn’t seem to pick up on this.
Slowly, Smarty Pants sat up, looking around quizzically at her new surroundings.
“S-smarty Pants?” Twilight let out, her voice almost a squeak.
Smarty Pants’ gaze shot over and met Twilights’, well, as much as one with buttons for eyes could meet the gaze of another that is, it was very obvious she could see, somehow, but still.
“WOAH!” Smart Pants exclaimed, holding her soft hooves out in front of her as stitched lips parted to reveal a mouth made entirely of fabric, the strings stretching from lip to lip as she spoke.
“You’re…twiLIGHT SPARKle?” She said in a rather strange tone, raising her voice and pitch at awkward syllables in the words.
“Uh…yes. I am! I brought you to life, Smarty Pants!”
“WoAH, hold UP now, so I CAN like..spEAK ‘n’ STuff?” She asked, cocking her head uncertainly, her voice strikingly similar to that of Twilight’s.
“Uh…yes, that’s what you’re doing right now…” Twilight said uncertainly.
“Oh-ho-HO-ho.” Smarty Pants gave a knowing grin and waggled a stitched together hoof at Twilight. “I know sO much abOUT YOU, Miss SpARKLE.”
“W-wait, what?” Twilight raised an eyebrow, looking over at Spike for a moment. Finding the dragon to be staring at the creature in the bed with a startled look.
“Oh YES, I knOW lot of thINGS!” Smarty Pants brought her hooves up into the air with a flourish. “I am SMARTY PAnts! I AM all-KNOWing!”
Twilight and Spike both stared at the life-imbued doll, expressionless.
“fOR, instANCE! I know that RIGHT, now, someWHERE, an ALIen is pleASUREing thEMSelves to an IMAGE of…you.” She pointed a hoof at Twilight, who’s cheeks were redder than a rose and pupils the size of peas.
“W-what are you-“
“I ALSO, know…that WE are beING watchED, by thOSE SAME aliens, RIGHT, nOW!” She insisted, pointing off into seemingly nowhere.
Twilight gave Spike an all too familiar “You may have been right.” Look out of the corner of her eye as Smarty Pants ranted.
“I ALSO, know, WHO TWILight was slEEPing with last-“
“OK THEN!” Twilight cried out, cutting Smarty Pants off mid-rant as Spike gave her a cheeky smile, in response to which she gave a “You better shut up” glare, before turning back to Smarty Pants.
“If you are so great and “all-knowing” then can you tell me where-“
“yoUR, BLANKet?” Smarty Pants interrupted, cocking her head to the side.
“Uh…yes.” She responded.
“Oh, it’s oVER THEre!” She swung her hoof over to the corner of the room, pointing it to a trash can.
“Huh?” Spike raised an eyebrow and walked over to the trash can, peering into it and rummaging through the waste for a moment before turning and looking at Twilight with a shrug.
“NO, beHIND the basKET, silly DRAGon!” Smarty Pants insisted, waving her hoof yet again.
Eyebrow still raised, Spike leaned over and looked behind the waste-basket, where two walls met. A moment later he turned around, holding in his claw, a worn-looking, baby blanket.
“My Blanket!” Twilight cried cheerfully, rushing over and snatching it from Spike and holding it to her cheek with an overjoyed smile.
Smarty Pants sat in silence on the bed, awaiting Twilight to finish her reunion, something which happened sooner rather than later.
“There’s something I don’t get though…” She said, pulling the blanket away from her cheek and looking over at Smarty Pants.
“weLL, You thrEW it over THERE when spIKE alMOST walked IN on YOU using it TO clEAN up from READING that bOOK you SAID was Rarity’s bUT was actUALLY yours and-“
“AHH-HAA, WHOOPS!” Twilight let out a sudden and frantic cry and unleashed a bolt of magic from her horn onto Smarty Pants, immediately she ceased speaking and bean to shrink, smaller, smaller and smaller until she was a normal size again.
Just as Smarty Pants should be.
Twilight was standing stone still, panting softly with her eyes wide and gaze fixed on the doll, clutching the blanket in one hoof.
After a few moments of extremely awkward silence at the fact Twilight had essentially just murdered Smarty Pants, Spike spoke up.
“Twilight…what did she mean by-“
“NOTHING!” She said frantically, looking over at Spike with wide eyes. “S-she meant nothing! You go clean up downstairs!”
And so with wide eyes, and only somewhat of an idea of what the blanket had been used for, Spike retreated to downstairs and began cleaning.
Twilight however, decided it best to make a blindfold for her doll.
