She put on a good face, smiled even, and occasionally giggled. Her parents always said, “Win others over with kindness.” Even though she smiled, it still hurt.
“Sorry Fluttershy, but you’re kind of worthless here, why don’t you just go home?”
“Ugh, what Pegasus can barely fly?”
“You’re so weak, you can’t even pass for an earth pony…”
“What do you even do?”
The phrases bounced around inside her head. Fluttershy’s home was dark, barely illuminated by beams of light from the windows. Only a few hours of daylight remained, then her life would turn even worse than before. Now she was weak, useless, and a monster.
She buried her face into a pillow, it was damp now, even though she had stopped crying a short while ago. The light of the setting sun was beginning to creep across her room. Fluttershy didn’t move an inch from where she awoke that morning. No hunger, no thirst, nothing at all mattered anymore.
Angel nudged up against her on the bed, he tried to comfort her from the very beginning. He was the only one that didn’t think of her like ponies did. How they would say one thing, even though she knew they thought ill of her. They would feign their indifference of her failures and faults, but treat her exactly as they thought.
That was the worst of all, every pony she encountered would eventually treat her like the worthless Pegasus she ultimately was. Fluttershy always tried to explain that her talents didn’t lie with physical or magical strength, but with her connection to animals. It felt as though most simply dismissed that as her simple irrelevant fancy. She could only imagine what horrible things they said while she wasn’t listening.
She began to whimper as another thought crossed her mind, the event that had prompted these thoughts. Perhaps she could have handled the other ponies if all they did was look down on her and treat her as a failure. Now though, they would see her as something far worse.
It had begun with the bats in the orchard, when Twilight accidentally cursed Fluttershy. The attempt to remove the curse hadn’t exactly worked, it only reset and slowed the effects down.
Last night she did something terrible, she cringed at the thought. It certainly wasn’t intentional, it was just difficult controlling herself after changing. Tears began to slide down the side of the pillow again, Angel only pushed closer.
The little colt was walking across the bridge into town. It was fairly dark and exceptionally late for any pony to be walking about, let alone a little foal.
Fluttershy had been getting much better at controlling herself at night, but something drew her towards the bridge. The aroma of the most plump and well developed apple she had ever smelled.
She weaved between the clouds in the cold night sky, keeping herself hidden from those below. All thought vanished as she found the source of the aroma, and dove strait down.
The frail little colt, with a white coat and soft brown spots, only had time to see her shadow by moonlight before her tremendous force slammed into his back. Her size, compared to his at least, and the speed of her decent was more than enough to stun the colt.
Fluttershy remembered the feeling of his hind legs giving way as she landed, but her senses had already escaped taking all control with them. The next thing she remembered was closing her eyes and smelling that sweet aroma of the apple, and biting down. Her fangs slipped through something markedly soft, it was no apple.
Her heart pounded and raced; the taste, it was better than a thousand apples. Before she realized what she had done, Fluttershy had taken much of his blood. She reared back in horror as her senses returned, it took tremendous effort not to vomit on the spot.
She stood on the bridge for a moment, staring at his lifeless form. He didn’t twitch or move. A small box lay a short distance from him, the aroma she sought emanated from it, but she had not desire for it any longer.
The shock of what had happened was more than enough to give her control back. It was far too late though; she flew back home as quickly as she could.
It had tasted wonderful, she thought, how could something so horrible be so wondrous? After vomiting several times, she found her way to bed, and there she remained.
Perhaps this was punishment. Punishment for not working harder at becoming stronger. Punishment for being timid and scared, and for making Rainbow Dash fight her battles for her. Punishment, for being a screw up.
That meant it was her fault. She always knew it, just never did anything about it. Now, others had suffered because of her.
Fluttershy rose from the bed, her forearms trembled as she walked across the room to the window in a somber manner. Her mane was in disarray, and her ears seemed glued folded back. She no longer cried, but her deep blue-green eyes looked as though they were on the verge.
She peered out of her window, looking at the river that crossed in front of her cottage. The sun was about to set, and night would soon take hold.
She had almost forgotten about Rainbow Dash. That was selfish of her, not even thinking of the one pony that had always been there for her. Somehow, thinking of Rainbow Dash hurt more than anything else.
The other Pegasus had been by her side since she was a little foul. Watching, and protecting her like an older sister. Fluttershy was just a burden.
Rainbow Dash would be far better off without her getting in the way and keeping her back. The whole world would do much better without Fluttershy hurting others and mucking things up. It’s not as if she made any difference anywhere anyway.
Angel stood beside her, rubbing his head against her leg. Fluttershy began to relax, and she suddenly became happy. The rabbit was relieved to see her back to normal, perhaps his comforting had helped.
Angel had nothing to do with it. Fluttershy stared at the river, it was flowing rather fast today, and the orange setting sun. There was only one course of action now.
Every other pony would be much better off if she was gone, and if she did leave, she would never have to worry about others silently ridiculing her. Never again would she see their judging eyes, weighing her with what failures she had committed. Best of all, she would never hear them call her a monster.
Fluttershy quickly trotted out of her cottage to the edge of the river. Nighttime was fast approaching, she didn’t know if she would have the presence of mind after she changed this time.
She quickly glanced around to see if any pony was watching, and to make sure Angel had stayed inside. Fluttershy thought she saw the silhouette of a royal guard flying in the distance. Perhaps they had somehow found out it was her that hurt the little colt, she had to make this quick.
She edged closer to the water, and peered into her reflection. She was a miserable sight, but she looked relieved.
Fluttershy gathered what little courage she had left. It was now or never. She hesitated, it did look cold. Without thought she looked around once more for any pony at all. Still, she could see no one.
Do it you worthless Pegasus… she thought. Fluttershy closed her eyes, trembled slightly, and then jumped.
It was strange, slow, and unreal. The water swept her along, completely submerged her form. She could feel her body bouncing and scrapping off the bottom of the river. She flailed about and held her breath without thought.
Fluttershy realized what she was doing, and opened her mouth to swallow as much water as she could. The feeling was oddly familiar, the rush of water entering her lungs. It was like that morning, like the day she realized she was useless, or the time she discovered what other ponies really thought of her.
The release, it was something else. The feeling nothing could scare her ever again, knowing no other pony would ever call her worthless again, it was something she had only dreamed of.
