"All right miss that will be sixteen bits" the large brown stallion driving the cab said to trixie. "Oh really? is it now? nosaltio EXPACIUM!!! IAM IN YOUR MIND, AND THE GRREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRRRRRRIXIE!!!! SAYS IS TEN BITS AND NOT A BIT MORE!!!" Trixe the great magician shouted from the back seat waving her for hooves around and laughing maniacally as the cab driver gave her a bored stare.
"Oh, put it like that i could drive you back to the airport, and kick you flank there?" the cab driver answered holding out his fore hoof
"Oh very well" trixie grumbbled a glared at the cab driver as she fished out the bits from her wallet and threw them at him. Trixe left the taxi with a huff and saw somone on her front lawn of her large stone castle she hoped to never see again.
"WELCOME HOME, TRIKSEE!!!" The wall-eyed mare on her front long exclamed, she stood on her rear legs with her fore hooves extended in exclamation, she wore a helmit that covered most of her face and a bright red uniform. Behind her was a dishwasher in a half dug hole and parasprites flew lazily around in the air with some munching on the muffins that littered the ground.
"Ditzi!!??? what!-how-what did you do to my castle!! ive only been gone four days!! why are there para,......why are you burying the dishwasher in the yard?" trixie asked while she tried to make sense of the situation.
"SILLY! im not burying the dishwasher in the yard im burying whats INSIDE the dishwasher, pfft why would anypony bury a dishwasher?" Ditzi said with a smile under her red combat helmit, "Also don't open the dishwasher".
Trixe leaned to one side to get a better look at the dishwasher and saw it had been sealed with duct tape and a faint skittering noise was coming from it.
Ditzi grabbed a parasprite from the sky and started petting it as trixie reached a fuming state of rage. "DITZI you don't EVEN LIVE HERE ANYMORE!!" Trixie yelled "Tell me about it! i had to break in!" Ditzi answered "AND,...where did all these parasprites come from!" trixie yelled "they sniffed out the muffins i hid! they love the stuff! don't you Prvt. dinky doo don't you!" Ditzi cooed to the parasprite in her forehooves in a very motherly way as she started to rock it back and forth.
"Help youself to any of the muffins by the way, i hid plenty of them and they rot very fast" Ditzi said as the prasprite in her fore hooves started to chew through her red uniform, but ditzi paid no mind to it as trixie lifted a half chewed moldy muffin and sniffed is suspiciously.
"Well, thats why you put them in a container!!!" Trixie shouted in confusion "Tik, im not going to dig up the dishwasher every time i want a muffin" Ditzi said to the magician in a mother to silly little foal like tone.
Trixe facehooved so hard she was shure she drew blood, then she hung her head in defeat and she saw on the the ground her magic spell book "the Alicornicon" being chew by three absent minded parasprites, "Gasp! the Alicornicon!! your parasprites are eating! the Alicornicon!!" Trixie shouted as she lifted the book from the ground, earning some revenge bites from the parasprites themselves.
"Ma,am is this your domicile?" a white mare in a button shirt and thick shades asked Trixie as she sucked on the end of her hoof from a particular nasty bite from the parsprites. "Huh? oh yes it is" Trixie said with half and intrest as she serched her book for damage from the parasprite attack.
"Ma,am i'm with the city, i need to talk to you about the parasprites" the city mare said.
"Oh! uh...... don't worry ma,am they will be destroyed within the hour i assure you" Trixie said trying to remeber the words to her "Headsplody" spell she found on a recent trip to Vallhalla.
"I'm afraid not ma,am, your domicile is now the greatest concetration of parasprites in all of equestria, we're annexing this land to make a parasprite santuary" the city mare said sturnly.
"So your asking me to leave the castle of being better then everypony else?!" Trixie asked with concern.
"I'm afraid you will have to take that up with the park ranger" the city mare said.
"Well who is the park ranger?" Trixie asked, then she got wide-eyed at a horribble thought
oh please don't let it be.... her thought to herself was inderrupted by Ditzi
"Didja hear that trixie i now own you castle of peanut betting!! Ditzi exlamed as a parasprite hung from her fore hoof.
"Peanut betting? Gambiling? thats a heafty fine, Ma,am" the city mare said with suspicion.
"You hear that Trixie? your being fined and evicted from your castle!!" Ditzi said as she clapped her hooves togeather.
"I hope she DOES hear that, not listing to a park warden is a heafty-" the city mare was suddeny interuppted my Trixie.
"ENOUGH!!" Trixe boomed as she left her body and transended into a larger ghost like form with a magicly amplified voice, "Do you think you can bully the GREAT AND POWEFUL TRRRRRRRIXIE LIKE SOME CHEAP LIBRARIAN!!?? I WAS BORN BEFORE TIME!!! BEFORE THE SUN AND THE MOON FROM THE IMMORTAL ONES!!!! I'AM THE SCREAM ON THE LIPS OF FOALS!!! I' AM THE CURSE BORN FROM THE BREATH OF THE DEAD!!! LO, I'AM THE MOUTH OF THE BEAST THE QUEEN OF EVIL AND UNCLEAN!!! I'AM...... Trixie stopped monloguing when she smelled burned flesh and looked down to see Ditzi standing over a raging blaze with a red gas can in her mouth and matches in front of her fore hooves.
"What are you- are you burning my body!?" Trixie asked still trapped in her ghost form.
"Wa!?" Ditzi looked around for a moment until she looked up "Oh! hey Tik,.....i thought you were dead."
"I"VE BEEN TALKING THIS WHOLE TIME!!" Trixie boomed with anger.
"Yeah Yeah your always talking, i guess i only notice when you stop." Ditzi answered in a disrespectful tone.
Trixie floated to eye level and touched faces with Ditzi and stared deep into her red helmit. "i'm going to kill you Ditzi" she said calmly.
"Ha, i'd like to see you try" Ditzi said unintimidated
"Oh i will" Trixie said as she flew back about ten feet, pointed her fore hooves out and shouted "DESTROIS PEGISIUS!!!"
green lighting swirled out of her hooves and shot strait at Ditzi who just stood there with her hooves crossed. Trixie laughed minicaly as the lightning traveled (rather slowly) towards Ditzi. But her party was cut short when the lightning turned a bright blue, then formed into the shape of a muffin and landed at Ditzi's hooves which Ditzi stared to devoure savagly, "Thanks Tik, *mmph, i needed a snack."
"WHAT!!???" Trixie yelled in frustraition.
"HA ha ha! looks like my greatest wish came true!" Ditzi said trumphantly.
"What in the devil are you talking, oh, wait....." Trixie said when a flashback starded suddenly.
FLASHBACK.
A few weeks ago when ditzi DID live here.
"Ditzi!!? did you eat all my "Eatabunchoftheseandyougreatestwishwillcometrue" wizard candy!!? Trixe yelled holding a empty pill bottle.
"Oh! sorry Tik, i thought it was your cats eye medication" Ditzi said while brushing her teeth.
"What why would you eat my cats eye medication!!??" trixie answered with rage.
Ditzi lifted her hoof and said "listen Tik, if your going to ask stupid questions i'm gonna go into the kitchen i made in the bathroom" Ditzi turned to leave. then stopped " By the way, thats a stupid name for a magic pill" Ditzi said over her soldier "yeah i'll level with you there" Trixie responded "Our writer needs to come out with better ideas!!" Ditzi said as ahe turned into her "kitchen."
"Wait,........ what!?" Trixie thought out loud.
END OF FLASHBACK.
"Your greatest wish was for muffins?" Trixie asked with a bit of contempt.
"Not quiet, my greatest wish was for everything that attacks me into a muffin, EVEN MAGIC!!! so HA Tik, Shoulda seen this poor guy down at the bar last night, when to punch me and his entire hoof turned into a muffin, it was pretty funny until he died of blood loss, then it was HILARIOUS!!" Ditzi said rolling around on the ground with laughter "Combining my two favorite things, Muffins and War now all i need to do is pick a fight to have a snack."
"Well then, i'll just half to kill everypony you care about!!!" Trixie said growing her own form and towering over the simple minded Warmare.
"HA!! i'd like to see you try!" Ditzi retorted.
NOWTIMES.
"So i said HA! i'd like to see you try!! and Thats why Tik is trying to kill all of us" Ditzi said, telling the story to Rainbow dash and Rarity in the minst of a battle with a tear of happiness in her eye.
"That would explain alot" Rainbow dash said while wearing a black cap and a bloody red tee shirt and brandishing a aluminum bat.
Rarity meanwhile face hooved throuh her mask and shook with disbelief in her blood covered red suit.
Then suddenly a bolt of red lightning shot the two mercs making them explode in a shower of entrails leaving Ditzi dirty but unharmed.
"HA! Hey Tik, you miiiissed!!!" Ditzi mocked, wiping blood from her mouth.
"Stop calling me Tik!, I'am the GREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRRRRIXE!!!" Trixie boomed.
"Pffft that names WAY to long must've been difficult to turn in you math homework with your name taking up half the page" Ditzi said with contempt.
Trixe growled with anger and shot a magic spell into a nearby tower, the spell struck Twilight making her disappeared in a clould of smoke leaving behined only a sniper rifle, a hat, and a yellow pair of shades.
"Why didn't I eat the candy myself? if only it was grape flavored instead of grapefruit" Trixie said with a bit of regret.
(And kids thats why you should eat all of your candy right now.,
cuz some of it may be magic.)
-writer of this piece of garbage.
Author's Note
i pumped this out in about an hour and but next to no effort in it
hope you liked it!!!
pelse comment and rate, i need human contact pleases!!!! and i want to improve my stufff!!!
mabey if i get enough encoragement ill make more tf2 comics and mlp crossovers
ps if u are a tf2 fan please comment on my blog!!
