Rainbow's 'Quality' Deathtrap

by BogPill

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy
Length: 2079

Rainbow Dash builds a bench, and drags Twilight out of bed to go see it. Too bad it's no good as a bench, but as a deathtrap it will do just fine!

What's better, a bench, or a deathtrap? For Rainbow Dash, I guess they're the same thing.

Maybe Twilight wouldn't mind as much if it wasn't a memorial 'bench'.

Thank you SpaceCommie for editing this.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-30 20:00:04 UTC

Rainbow's 'Quality' Deathtrap

“It's right up here!” Rainbow Dash called to Twilight. Rainbow was exuberant, and filled to the brim with joy. With every flap of her wings she seemed to give off high amounts of excitement, and a grin was firmly planted on her face. She rocketed ahead of Twilight, and flew up the road.

“I'm coming, I'm coming,” Twilight called back. She had just awoken early to a sunny day and was eager to get working on a new list for Spike, but Rainbow had put a halt to those plans. Instead, Twilight was now being dragged out to the outskirts of town. For what, she had no clue.

“Come on, hurry up!” Rainbow stopped in the distance, hovering over something that Twilight couldn't see clearly. Twilight yawned loudly, she had been walking for what seemed to be ages.

“Why did you have to come so early?” Twilight mumbled to herself. Her eyes were outlined by small dropping bags, and it was getting harder to keep her eyes open. Twilight found herself numerous times falling into bushes along the way there. If it wasn't for Rainbow Dash, she'd be sleeping in a ditch somewhere. Still, it sounded better than walking.

Twilight slowly moved forward, inching her way up to Rainbow. “Okay, I'm here. Now what?” she said as she walked. The thing that Rainbow had been flying over was now blocked from sight by large blanket. Twilight thought that she probably wanted to have a grand reveal, or something equally as climatic.

Rainbow looked left and right quickly while she lowered herself to the ground. “Do you think we were followed?” she asked.

“What?” Twilight looked behind her at the deserted road she just traveled down. “Was I supposed to watch out?”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Of course you were. This is a confidential piece of machinery.”

“Machinery? Did you build something?” Twilight cocked her head in confusion.

The grin on Rainbow's face stretched from ear to ear, and she began to shake her head wildly up and down. “I sure did!”

“What did you make, and why have it way out here?”

Rainbow took back to the sky, hovering over the concealed object. It resembled a bench, without a doubt. With the blanket outlining a backboard, seat, and leg rests. But to Twilight, it just didn't look right. It was just something about the outline of it. Twilight couldn't put her hoof on it, but it looked like whatever was under the sheet was going to be some sort of a abomination. She could just feel it in her gut.

“Okay,” Rainbow began, “you know that memorial thing that was supposed to happen today?”

“The one to commemorate the last Mayor of Manehatten?”

“That's the one!” Rainbow cheered. “I bet you can't guess what it is.”

Twilight rubbed her tired eyes, trying to think clearly. After a few seconds of intense thought, Twilight decided upon two thing. One: no matter how bad whatever it was looked like, she would try her best to not hurt her best friends feelings. Two: she really, really wanted to go home to eat breakfast. “Okay, you got me. What is it?”

With a happy squeal, Rainbow eagerly flew down to grab the large blanket. Once she had it in her hoofs she stopped and looked at Twilight. “You ready to see the most awesome thing ever?”

“Yep...” Twilight said tiredly. She would have been in a better mood if Rainbow didn't come knocking on her door before she could even had breakfast. Twilight wondered how nice eggs would taste, and licked her lips a little while picturing them in her mind.

Rainbow slowly lifted the blanket from its position, as Twilight expected. As she lifted it Twilight could see four wooden legs extending from the bench. Unfortunately, Rainbow didn't paint them all the same color. One was blue while the other three were painted different shades of red. But what she saw next left her speechless.

“Do you like it?” Rainbow asked, with a huge smile.

Twilight's eyes widened in shock. “What the hay i-is that?” she stammered out.

“Duh, it's a bench!”

“I can see t-that.” Twilight took a few steps back away from the 'bench'.

Rainbow looked at Twilight awkwardly. “Twilight?” She flew over to her and hovered over Twilight's head. “Are you okay?” The pony was in total shock. Her mouth moved but nothing came out, other than tiny squeaks of fear.

“W-w-w...”

“Wow, Twilight! You must really like it! You see, I was hoping on making this the 'memorial bench' instead of that other thing you were planning.” Rainbow did a loop in the air, then once she was done she did another, then another. She was so excited to see her friend in love with her hoof-work so much that she let out a gleeful squeal in the middle of her third loop.

Twilight closed her eyes and shook her head in disbelief. But when she reopened her eyes she got the same sight, a 'bench'. As well as a overjoyed Pegasus doing loop-de-loops in the air above her. Twilight didn't want to hurt Rainbows feelings, but this 'bench' would be nothing more than insulting to the dead Mayor's memory.

“So...” Twilight managed to whisper. “What are the spikes for?” She pointed her hoof at the backboard, which was coated in small, silver, and sharp spikes. And was painted with a large array of different, revolting, colors.

“I thought it would've been a great idea to put them all over it! It's to make sure nopony sits on it too long and hogs it.” Twilight had no clue why Rainbow, or anypony, would want to sit on a bench with spikes stabbing into their side. She would have also thought this was a joke, if Rainbow hadn't said that line in the most confident way she could. Still, this had to be a joke... right?

Twilight squinted her eyes at the 'bench'. “What are those little holes in the seat for?”

“I'm glad you asked!” Rainbow landed and walked over to the 'bench'. While walking, Rainbow scooped up a small rock. “If the ponies don't stop hogging the the bench, then this will happen.” She placed the rock on the bench seat, then quickly backed away.

Twilight stared at the holes skeptically while Rainbow positioned herself beside her. After twenty seconds of waiting Twilight opened her mouth to speak, only to snap her jaw shut in surprise.

Huge pillars of fire shot up from the tiny holes, reaching out into the sky with billowing black smoke. The rock was engulfed by the flames. Twilight jumped back in fear of the sight, while Rainbow just laughed with glee.

“Rainbow! What was that?” Twilight screamed, after the fire slinked back into their holes. Revealing black ashes in place of the rock.

“What do you mean 'what was that'? That was the best thing ever!” Rainbow wrapped her foreleg around Twilight's shoulder, with a grin. “And for the low, low price of only fifty bits, it can be used for the memorial.”

“Are you kidding me? That thing's a death trap! I will not use it in replace of the other bench that's being made! What's wrong with you, Rainbow? What would possess you to make something like this?” Twilight was horrified with the mere thought of anypony even catching sight of the 'bench'.

“Okay, okay.” Rainbow said sadly, with her grim melting away to a frown. “I'm sorry.” She bowed her head in shame and let Twilight free of her leg. “I just tried so hard...” Twilight opened her mouth to speak but was cut of by over-exaggerated crying. “I guess I'll just go now!” she wailed.

Twilight, seeing her friend walk down the road while sobbing lightly, realized she was being too hard on Rainbow. After all, she did try her best, Twilight hoped. “Wait,” said Twilight. “It looks okay, Rainbow. I bet with a few modifications I'll be able to have two memorial bunches, instead of only one!” she said with a smile.

Rainbow halted in her tracks. “So, Twilight. You want it then?” she said in between sniffling.

“I'm sure w-”

“So you do want it!” Rainbow leapt into the air, seemingly over her fake crying fit. “I knew you would want it!”

Twilight smiled. “I would never let you down, Rainbow. Now if we're going to fix this we're going to need some more materials. I think we should strip this down and rebuild it using wood... only wood.”

Rainbow waved a dismissive hoof. “Come on, Twilight, let just get down to the juicy part!”

“What?”

“Forty bits.”

“What are you doing?”

“Thirty five.”

“Rainbow, I don't want to buy this!”

“You drive a hard bargain, Twilight. You're lucky I'm such a reasonable mare. I'll take twenty.” Rainbow zoomed in close to Twilight, holding out her hoof.

“I don't even have any bits on me!”

“That's fine! I can just go over to your house and get the bits!” said Rainbow happily.

“I don't want to buy your hunk of junk!” Twilight yelled, her face red with anger.

“Ten! And that's the lowest I'll go!”

Twilight stomped her hoof on the ground in rage. “Stop!” she screamed. “I'm not going to buy it!”

“Five!”

“Stop!”

Rainbow flew over to the 'bench'. “This bench isn't like anything you'll ever see, Twilight. It's got self-wormed seats for those cold days. It also has a built-in defense system, just in case some crazy pony like, Lyra tries to sit on it!” she said in her best salesmare voice.

Twilight lowered her tired head and rubbed her face. She was past the point of annoyance, she was past rage, and sadness. She just wanted to go home.

“What if, Lyra tries to steal it?”

Twilight shot her head up. “Why would she steal it?” she objected.

“Then this puppy will scare her away! And if she does get it home, I'll give you the remote so you can burn down her whole house!” Rainbow said, completely ignoring Twilight.

“Burn down her house?” Twilight said horrified. “Why would you even say something like that, Rainbow?” Her shocked gaze meet Rainbow's eyes. Twilight didn't notice it until then, but Rainbow's eyes weren't their normal magenta. Instead, red veins snaked across her eyes, turning almost all of the white surrounding her iris into a light red. Twilight suddenly realized that Rainbow had probably been awake for longer than just the night.

Rainbow zipped over to a bush and stuck her head and forelegs into it. After rummaging through the shrub she emerged with a small, black remote. “Here, take it!” she called to Twilight, while flying over to her with it in her extended hoof.

“I don't want it.” Twilight groaned.

“Take it, I insist.” Rainbow garbed Twilight's hoof and forced her to hold on to it. Twilight tried to pull her hoof back, but when it finally retracted she was holding the remote.

“But, Rainb-”

“Thank you for shopping at 'Rainbow's Quality Benches'! I hope you are satisfied with your purchase. Since you have no bits on you at the moment, please allow one of the fine staff members to get them for you.” With a merry salute, Rainbow was gone. Making her way down the same road they came down at her top speed. Leaving Twilight with her hoof still out, in a daze.

Twilight slowly realized what has just happened to her. Her eyes inched their way down to the remote that she still held in her hoof. “Great,” she muttered. Twilight spun herself around to face the barren road. “What the heck am I supposed to do with this, Rainbow Dash!” she screamed, before throwing the remote into the dirt. “What am I supposed to do with a deathtrap!” Twilight pointed at the 'bench' with her hoof.

At that same moment one of the 'benches' legs split into two, causing the whole thing to tumble over, falling apart once it hit the ground. The metal spikes instantly popped off, and the flamethrower seat tipped over spilling its gasoline contents everywhere through the tiny holes. When the loud crunching of the wood and metal stopped, there was nothing left but a big mess of split wood piled on top of gas soaked metal. And almost as fast as it came down, it lit up with huge balls of fire shooting up into the light blue sky.